


Dangerous Territory

by Rhov



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Nazi Germany, Alternative Universe - World War II, Antisemitism, Blood and Violence, Coming Out, German Eren Yeager, Historical Accuracy, Homophobia, Jealous Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Jewish Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Language Barrier, M/M, Nazis, Slow Burn, Torture, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:15:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 267,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22068379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhov/pseuds/Rhov
Summary: France, 1944. As the Allies land on the shores of Normandy, an unlikely friendship strikes up between Levi Ackerman, a widowed French Jew, and Eren Jäger, a deeply-in-the-closet lieutenant in the German Wehrmacht. The two deal with love, loss, dignity, and the horrors all around them.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 1302
Kudos: 1135





	1. The German and the Jew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Moonlessnight126](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlessnight126/gifts).



> _**Trigger Warning** : This story contains portrayals of the Holocaust, graphic violence, homophobic and antisemitic language; racial discrimination, including scenes of war, death, interrogation, torture, dehumanization, sexual assault, executions, and basically every horrific thing you can imagine from a story set in World War II. If you are sensitive to any of these, proceed with caution, or turn away now._

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While exploring a bombed-out village in northern France, Lieutenant Eren Jäger makes a discovery that will change his worldview forever.

> “Instruction in world history in the so-called high schools is even today in a very sorry condition. Few teachers understand that the study of history can never be to learn historical dates and events by heart and recite them by rote; that what matters is not whether the child knows exactly when this battle or that was fought, when a general was born, or even when a monarch (usually a very insignificant one) came into the crown of his forefathers. No, by the living God, this is very unimportant. To ‘learn’ history means to seek and find the forces which are the causes leading to those effects which we subsequently perceive as historical events.”  
>  ― Adolf Hitler, _Mein Kampf_

* * *

France was not how Eren Jäger thought it would be. He was sure this town must have been beautiful once, a thriving rustic village, horses clopping down the cobbled roads, vendors shouting out their wares, lovers sneaking kisses as they strolled arm in arm, children running down the street playing games whilst mothers shouted at them to be careful, grandfathers smoking pipes and reminiscing about the previous century, and little girls perched on sidewalk edges talking to their dolls.

He knew that must have been how it was, because he saw the evidence, the abandoned fruit stands now pilfered and crumbling, an old pipe molding in a damp gutter, and a doll that survived the bombing with her porcelain face merely muddied.

He stepped cautiously through the mess. He had lost track of how many days the Germans had bombed this town, a known hive of the French Resistance. Eren thought it was a shame. Only a handful of rebels, and the result was the devastation of a whole town. He hoped the townsfolk were able to flee safely. War was for those who volunteered to fight, not for civilians.

He personally hated that war could not belong purely to soldiers, testing might against might, like the old days. Now, civilians paid the price as well. He had seen the news, the Blitz on London, Allies bombing French cities to destroy rails in order to thwart the Germans, civilian targets, no true military advantage besides demoralization. He disagreed with it, but it was not his place to speak out. He did as he was told, ordered his platoon to do their duties, and got them through this war alive. That was enough.

“Jäger,” his companion whispered, and Jean Kirschtein nodded over to a building.

Eren gave a hand signal to the rest of the troop to stop. He trusted Jean’s instincts, and if that man said there was someone in the building, Eren was not going to take chances. He readied his MP40 and crept forward across charred wood, busted bricks, and shattered glass.

It was dark inside the house, and he paused to let his eyes adjust. He listened instead. The low moan of settling debris was suddenly interrupted by a sniff. Eren’s rifle pointed straight toward it. Not an enemy soldier, he decided. A soldier would not make such a novice mistake. When he heard a soft shush from a woman, he realized these were civilians.

How the hell had any survived, and why would they even stay around?

Eren saw a shadow move behind a closed door, and he took a defensive position behind a wall. He heard a soldier creeping up to the front entrance, and he whistled a signal for them not to approach. There was a chance they were armed French Resistance fighters, but there was also a good chance it was some child left behind, lost and scared, and a jittery soldier might shoot an innocent civilian on accident.

“ _Herauskommen_ ,” he called out toward the shut door. “ _Die Stadt hat sich ergeben._ ” Come out. The town has surrendered.

He knew it was probably useless. This was northern France, and he doubted the citizens spoke German. If only they were so lucky! Their company had been without a translator for over a week.

He called out again, “ _Ich nähere mich._ ” I’m approaching.

He kept low, just in case. He crept close to the ground until he was right in front of the door and knocked with the tip of his rifle.

“ _Ich werde die Tür öffnen._ ” I’m going to open the door.

Slowly, he turned the handle and heard scuffling behind it. As soon as it was wide enough, a knife shot out. Eren caught the hand and slammed it against the door jamb. He heard a man cry out, and the knife dropped. Eren saw another hand, same shirt, reach for the fallen blade. Was the attacker going to fight left-handed? Before he had a chance, Eren kicked the knife aside.

“Halt!” he commanded. Just then, Jean ran in, but Eren lifted a hand to hold him back.

“ _Haben Sie ein Problem?_ ” asked Jean. Are you having a problem?

Eren shook his head. “ _Sie sind Zivilisten._ ” They are civilians.

“ _Französischer Widerstand?_ ” French Resistance?

Eren was not sure, but a mere knife seemed petty for someone trying to take a stand against the occupying German forces. He pushed open the door. There, hunched over and clutching a book, was a tiny man. Eren almost thought this person was a child, but the narrow eyes were older, perhaps over thirty years of age, filled with wisdom and stubbornness that only came with time.

“ _Wer bist du?_ ” he asked quietly. Who are you? The man just stared. Eren tried again in French: “ _Qui êtes-vous?_ ” The small man’s eyes widened in acknowledgment. “ _Êtes-vous Français?_ ” Do you speak French?

“ _Oui_ ,” the man said suspiciously.

“ _Verdammt_ ,” Eren cursed, rolling his eyes. “ _Parlez … vous … allemand?_ ” Do you speak German?

“ _Non, je ne parle pas ta langue._ ” No, I do not speak your language.

“ _Scheiße! Ich habe Pech._ ” Shit! I have bad luck. Eren wanted to curse more, but he had one more thing to try. “Do you speak English?”

The small man blinked in honest surprise. “I … y-yes. I speak it a little.”

It was a start. Eren knew only about ten phrases in French, and he had just used up three of them. “What is your name?” he asked in English with a strong German accent.

“My name … it is … Rivaille. Rivaille Martin.”

Rivaille. A French name, and Martin was the most common French surname. His accent was correct as far as Eren could tell. Not a British spy, probably not American, although Eren had never met an American and did not know how they sounded.

“Are you a member of the French Resistance?”

“No! I swear, I’m not.”

Eren looked down at the book pressed against the man’s bosom. “What is that?”

The tiny man clutched it tighter. Eren marched in, his military boots clomping over debris, and yanked the book out of his hands.

“Please, that book is everything to me,” the man yelled, but Eren’s boot kept him from surging forward.

Eren thumbed through the pages, and a furrow creased his brow.

“It’s just the Bible,” the man protested. “What the English call _The Old Testament_. Surely it’s not illegal to own a Bible.”

“It is, when it’s in Hebrew,” Eren muttered, and he looked down at the man again. “You’re Jewish. What is your _real_ name?”

He hesitated, and Eren saw he was weighing the advantages of lying. By the deep crease in his brow, this small man obviously realized it was useless.

“Levi Ackerman,” he admitted.

Levi. That was about as Jewish of a name as a person could have, and Ackerman was also of Jewish roots. Eren eyed the group huddling behind this man. “Are all these people Jewish?”

“Please,” the man whispered. “They’ve been through so much. At least let the women go. A few more kilometers and we will be in Belgium.”

Eren’s forehead pinched between the brows. “Do you really think I can let you leave? The town is surrounded by Germans.”

“Please,” he begged. “We are not hurting anyone. We are not members of the Resistance. They were just helping us to get out of France.”

Eren shrugged. “They failed.”

The man scowled defiantly, but Eren saw the fear in his eyes. The German soldier looked at the holy book, then at the small man.

“I will keep the book safe for now,” he said, and he shoved it into his satchel. “But I cannot let you go. I’m sorry.” He grabbed the man by his black hair and yanked him out of the room. He looked over to Jean. “ _Holt die restlichen Juden aus dem Haus._ ” Get the rest of the Jews out of the house.

Jean sneered. “ _Juden!_ ”

“ _Schießt nicht auf sie_ ,” Eren ordered sternly. Don’t shoot them.

Jean countered, “ _Sag ihnen, dass sie sich nicht widersetzen sollen, sonst schieße ich._ ” Tell them don’t resist, or I will shoot.

Eren looked down at Levi. “Translate this to them: Do not resist. Exit the house peacefully. I will try to keep all of you alive, but we will shoot anyone who resists.”

Levi’s brow furrowed again. “Keep us alive?”

“If I can,” Eren said solemnly. “You’re Jews, but you’re civilians. I don’t believe in killing civilians.”

Levi looked back around to the hiding group and spoke to them in French. Eren watched their gaunt faces and hoped they would obey. Then he pulled Levi along and out of the house. The scrawny man shielded his eyes at the sunlight gleaming through skimming spring clouds, and Eren wondered how long he had been hiding indoors. By his smell, perhaps longer than the five days of bombing.

“ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ” Eren shouted to a tall German captain.

A stony-faced man with sunken eyes and gaunt cheeks came forward. Eren saluted with one hand while keeping Levi in a tight grip with the other.

“ _Hauptmann Woermann. Ich hab‘ eine Gruppe Juden gefunden._ ” Captain Woermann. I found a group of Jews.

“ _Juden? Wie widerlich!_ ” Jews? How disgusting! The man spat at Levi’s feet. “ _Verschwende nicht unsere Zeit, Jäger. Töte ihn. Brenn das gesamte Haus nieder._ ” Do not waste our time, Jäger. Kill him. Burn the whole house down.

“ _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said quickly. He pulled the commander away and lowered his voice. “Our camp has been low on help. We could use these Jews as servants.”

“They are filthy beasts who would destroy Germany,” the captain sneered, and Levi snarled back at him. “It’s best to kill all Jews.” He pulled out his own gun and aimed it at Levi.

“ _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said louder. “We really could use the help, especially with the latrines. None of the soldiers want to help with that.”

“Cleaning up shit? Appropriate job for people lower than shit.” Kitz put his gun away. “A waste of a bullet, anyway. Find the others hiding in there. Yank them all out. If they struggle too much, shoot them. Jäger, you are in charge of these mongrels. If they act up, you get to pick an appropriate punishment.”

“ _Jawohl, Herr Hauptmann_ ,” the young man said, saluting stiffly. He turned back to his platoon. “ _Kirschtein, wir werden die Juden mit uns zurückbringen. Ich werde einen Platz für sie arrangieren._ ” Kirschtein, we will bring the Jews back with us. I will arrange a room for them.

He pulled Levi along back to their camp. Reluctantly, the man followed.

“You won’t be killed, but you will have to work,” Eren explained in English.

“Why did you do that?” Levi asked quietly.

“I had to. It is my duty to report to my captain about your group,” Eren said coldly. “My platoon already had your building surrounded. I couldn’t let you go free.”

“I mean letting me live. I don’t know what you said to him, but he was going to kill me. Why did you stop him?”

Eren stared ahead sternly. “Again, I had to.”

Behind them, they heard shouting followed by two gunshots. Levi turned around in horror, but Eren pulled him along.

“Do not make this any harder, please,” he whispered. “You’re alive. Stay alive. Do anything at all to stay alive in this world. Bury your emotions, change who you are, even change your religion if you have to. Just stay alive.”

“Changing my religion will not change the fact that I was born as a Jew,” Levi said softly. “I’m damned either way. _Yiddisher mazel_.”

Eren looked over in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“Yiddish luck. Bad luck,” Levi muttered. “It’s the only luck we Jews have. _Yiddisher mazel_.”

“Well, you’re lucky you were found by me and not one of the others,” Eren said with a grin.

Levi’s eyes narrowed, and he growled out, “ _Ess drek und shtarbn, takhshet._ ” Eat shit and die, brat.

Eren chuckled wryly. “I won’t bother asking for a translation. I know when I’ve been cussed out.”

“ _Enculé!_ ” Levi sneered in French instead. Fuck off!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I will be using proper German military ranks, which include “Hauptmann” (captain) and “Leutnant” (lieutenant). “Herr” is a polite way of addressing a person, like Mister or Sir. So Eren will often be addressed as Herr Leutnant._
> 
> _Many English translations misspell Eren's last name as “Jaeger”—or worse, “Yeager.” ( **Why?!** ) In the German and French translations, it's spelled properly: “Eren Jäger.” It’s common for English translators to respell Germanic words to sound more English-y. The German “J” sounds like an English “Y” and since umlauts are not on English keyboards, they’re replaced with weird vowel combinations (“ä” becomes “ae”). I may be a native English speaker, but umlauts don’t scare me, and I respect the German language enough to SPELL IT RIGHT. Jäger means Hunter in German, and Eren is a German soldier in this story, so I will be spelling his name **properly** dammit. It’s Eren Jäger, not Jaeger, and sure as hell not Yeager. (YUCK!)_
> 
> \---
> 
> _**Disclaimers, Thanks, and Legal Stuff:**_
> 
> _I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic._
> 
> _The claims, actions, and propaganda expressed in this story **DO NOT** reflect the opinions of the author. This is a work of fiction, but parts are inspired by real historical events, people, and locations._
> 
> _I am not Jewish; my husband is. His grandmother escaped the Russian pogroms and came to America as a child refugee. My husband grew up attending shul, and since his grandmother spoke Yiddish, he picked up a few phrases. Because he’s “not exactly kosher” (as he puts it) I may get details wrong. I gladly appreciate corrections._
> 
> _This is written in collaboration with Moonlessnight126, whom I’ve worked with many times before. The plot is hers, the prose is mine. I thought it was pretty awesome that a Muslim woman in Egypt wanted to create a story about a gay Nazi falling for a Jew._
> 
> _A huge thanks to my translators. This story is filled with French, German, and Yiddish, and sadly I am not fluent in ANY of them. For the French, Doublepasse was utterly brilliant, even taking the grammar of the time period into account. For German, Tenbako and Chiyala have been incredible tackling vulgar, antisemitic phrases with professional comportment. For the Yiddish, I turned to my husband. Thank you all._


	2. Nazis Have Mothers Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren reunites with an old classmate, Reiner, now in the SS. The Germans receive a mysterious letter written to the French Resistance and use Levi to translate it. What could the poem possibly mean to the Allies?

It was May 1944. Europe was scarred by years of war. For many, it felt like the fighting would never end. For four years, Germany had controlled France. Some French people accepted the change and the new government set up in Vichy rather than Paris.

Not all, though.

Lately, the French Resistance had been growing bolder, and military action was occasionally needed to stop these anti-fascists who fought the new government. Eren acknowledged the pride in these people—he certainly would have joined a movement if it was France who invaded Germany—but he had a duty to do, and that was to restore order. Germans were methodical, and such chaos would not be tolerated. Besides, he had hoped that after four years, these people would accept what he deemed were rather generous terms that Germany provided to France in their armistice.

Under the command of Captain Kitz Woermann, a company of Germans took over a small village in northern France where the Resistance rebels had congregated. It was only three platoons, barely a hundred men, yet Berlin had sent the captain to oversee the interrogation of any Resistance leaders they could capture alive.

Eren Jäger was in charge of one platoon. He was only nineteen, yet considered a military prodigy by many. He had bravely led his platoon through a brutal bombardment in Italy, where out-manned, out-gunned, and more than half of his men died. Yet thanks to his fierce fighting and unflinching command, they were not completely wiped out and held the beachhead for four months. France was supposed to be a retreat after the hellish nonstop fighting, yet here they were, guns in their hands and blood on their boots.

Eren’s right-hand man was Jean Kirschtein, who held the rank of _Unteroffizier_. He was a lanky soldier whom Eren thought had a horse’s face, reliable with innate leadership skills and a sixth sense that had saved them numerous times.

Armin Arlelt was small, scrawny, yet he had volunteered for the army, not drafted as many of the younger soldiers were. He was the strategist in their platoon, and he made up with brains what he lacked in brawn. His brilliant tactics in Italy helped him to rise to the rank of _Obergefreiter_ after just a few months of service.

Connie Springer was young, small, and always sarcastic. When there was fighting to do, he was one of the best sharpshooters Eren had ever worked with.

Thomas Wagner came from a family who owned a restaurant in Berlin. With his love for cooking and ability to make something delicious on scant rations, he had become a bit of the mother in the group.

Franz Kefka was new to their platoon, a reliable soldier born in Czechoslovakia, which Germany annexed back in 1938. His family were Germans by heritage and gladly accepted Hitler’s troops. Franz recalled having soldiers living in his home when he was a child. Urged by his father, he joined the Wehrmacht, leaving behind a sweetheart in the Sudetenland. This was his first post, and his friendliness led to him being immediately accepted among the _veterans_ who had fought together in Italy.

After a two-week rest in Paris and new soldiers to replace what they lost in Italy, they were sent to this small, rustic village. After five days of bombardment and three days to thoroughly sweep the village and examine the ruins for evidence or survivors, they were told to remain there to dissuade further rebellion. The soldiers were happy to settle in among such rustic beauty, a welcome reprieve after endless travel and soul-aching weariness.

Eren managed to commandeer a two-story house with a full kitchen and not much bombing damage. One wall upstairs had a hole, but downstairs was intact. It was nice to get out of the sun and sleep on a real bed. The rest of his platoon were either in other houses left abandoned, or staying in a château that had been converted into a barracks.

Eren patrolled around the house, checking on his men. A group of the new recruits had come over to play cards. Connie rambled off jokes. Thomas busied himself in the kitchen cooking stew, humming happily at the chance to use real spices. Armin sat at a table pouring over a map (he always seemed to have maps) and Jean looked over with reserved interest as he polished his gun. Franz chewed on a pen as he wrote a letter. Eren paused by the _soldat_ , and Franz quickly hid the note.

“Who is she?” he asked with a knowing smile. When a soldier hid a letter that quickly, it was not some message to friends or family back home.

“My girl, Hannah,” he answered.

“That’s a pretty name. Are you going to marry her?”

Franz blushed almost to burgundy. “We … We married in secret after I joined the Wehrmacht. She’s pregnant now and finally had to tell her parents about the marriage.”

“You’re going to go home to a strong and healthy baby,” Eren promised, clapping him on the back.

Thomas looked over fro the kitchen. “You’re going to be a father, Franz?”

“Ah, y-yeah,” he said bashfully.

“We should celebrate,” declared Jean.

Eren chuckled and shook his head. “You take any excuse to get drunk on some French wine.”

Jean could hardly disagree with that. “Sure, but I’d rather have a French woman.”

Connie laughed loudly in agreement. “I’d even take a Jewish woman at this point.”

Jean glared. “That’s sick.”

“What about you, _Herr Leutnant_?” asked Franz. “Do you have a girl back home?”

“Me?” Eren asked in amusement.

“Here we go again,” Armin muttered with a chuckle.

Proudly, Eren declared, “Germany is my mother, my wife, and my lover. I need no other woman.”

Jean confided to Franz, “He would say that to all the Paris girls who used to flirt with him when we were stationed there. And don’t try telling him Germany is the Fatherland, not the Motherland. He’s sticking to it like an idiot.”

Eren let them be a little unruly _this_ time. “Some men dedicate themselves to raising the next generation. That is a high honor and the duty of any good Aryan. Some prefer to dedicate themselves to fighting so that the next generation does not have to. I’d rather forgo the comforts of a wife and family if it means Germany is victorious.”

“What about after the war?” asked Franz. “You could raise a family, a miniature army of little Jägers.”

Jean burst out in a laugh at that. “A bunch of tiny Eren Jägers squeaking _Heil Hitler!_ That’s a terrifying thought. One is enough.”

Eren shook his head. “There will always be fighting. When Germany conquers all of Europe, there will still be resistance, like this town. Partisans must be dealt with swiftly and effectively.” He patted Franz’s shoulder. “But you never know, right? Perhaps one day I’ll fall in love, but lately there hasn’t been much opportunity.”

Jean leaned back with dreamy eyes. “I need a good woman.”

Connie joshed, “Is your hand not enough?”

The group burst into laughter.

Eren was happy to see how their small platoon got along so well. They had all been through so much, seen deaths, buried comrades in mass trenches, and marched together, days of marching through snowy hills and summer heat. They were closer due to it all. Eren wanted to hope that things would never change, this camaraderie would last beyond the war, and one day they would be like those old men who sit around smoking pipes and musing idly about the old days. It was a nice dream, but he knew the chance of all of them surviving was slim. He had buried enough of his platoon to no longer think they were beyond the scythe of Death.

Jean’s instincts made him look out the window. “Waffen-SS,” he warned. “What are they doing here?”

Armin muttered, “I heard two platoons arrived this morning.”

Franz scoffed and shook his head. “A little late for the fighting.”

Two men in black uniforms came up to the door and knocked with a heavy hand. Eren opened it and burst into a grin.

“Reiner! It’s been a while.”

A tall blond stepped in. “Since Napola.”

Everyone could see, he was the ideal Aryan, from his blond hair to his square chin and keen blue eyes. The lightning-like double-S runes on his collar showed he was part of the _Schutzstaffel_ , the SS, the armed wing of the Nazi Party, racially pure and dedicated to Hitler and the Nazi ideals.

“Guys,” he called out. “ _Untersturmführer_ Reiner Braun, former classmate of mine.”

They politely nodded or saluted him.

Reiner looked around at the group. “Good to see you have your own platoon. Looks like you’re missing a few.”

Eren stiffened. “Italy was hard, but we fought harder.”

“Same here. Eastern Front. I was shot three times, but it’ll take more than that to stop me. Still, I got lucky. Half of my platoon was wiped out in the first week, the rest were sent home, some missing a limb or two. Only Bertholdt managed to leave that hellhole in one piece.”

The other man with Reiner stepped in, and Eren had to raise his head to look up at him.

“Well, he’s tall,” Eren muttered.

“Bertholdt Hoover,” the man introduced, shaking Eren’s hand. “ _Untersturmführer_ Braun has praised your dedication to the Führer.”

“That’s the best compliment a German can get,” Eren said dutifully. “I didn’t think you would even remember me, Reiner.”

“Who can forget a suicidal idiot like you? I still remember what you did on your last exam.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “It worked, okay!”

“And you nearly got killed.”

Jean let out a laugh. “Sounds like him. I want to hear _this_ story.”

“No,” Eren said sternly.

Reiner gave Eren’s shoulder a heavy pat. “A story for another time. You should have joined the Waffen-SS, Eren. You were one of the top students in Napola.”

Eren’s face grew pensive. “You know I wasn’t allowed.”

“Ah … do you mean that thing with your mother?”

Eren turned sharply away from that issue. “How would you like some stew. Thomas, do we have enough?”

“Smells good, but no thank you.” Then his jovial face fell into solemnity. “I’m not here to reminisce. _Hauptmann_ Woermann wishes to speak to you about the Jews.”

Jean scoffed and focused back on polishing his gun. “Why did you rescue them? What are we going to do with people like that?”

“I must agree,” Reiner stated. “It’s pointless to defend a Jew’s existence.”

Bertholdt muttered, “They should be shot on sight.”

“You don’t have to shoot them,” Jean countered. “There are camps where they work. I say we ship them there, make them useful for Germany.”

Armin muttered to himself, “They work them to death in those camps.”

Franz added in, “Better worked than shot.”

Eren looked around at the group. “They _are_ being put to work. Would you rather be the ones cleaning the latrines and scrubbing pots? We should be thankful Thomas is a good mother and can spice up the rations.”

Thomas laughed from the kitchen. “I plan to take most of these herbs and spices before we move on.”

Connie groaned and leaned against the couch. “I don’t want to move on. I want to live here. France isn’t so bad.”

Reiner stoically replied, “France can fall into the ocean, for all I care. Germany is the only place to be called home.”

“Agreed!” Eren said proudly. “But Germany will be much bigger once the war is over.”

“Exactly,” said Bertholdt. “The armistice is temporary. Once we deal with England, we simply abolish the Vichy Régime. What are they going to do, fight us?” he asked with a laugh. “Then France _will be_ Germany. None of this _French State_ silliness. Give them a few more years, the idea of a Resistance will die away, they’ll all be forced to learn German, and they _will_ fall in line.”

“That would be nice,” Jean said dreamily. “I’d like to actually talk to the girls I bed.”

The others laughed in agreement.

“Personally,” Armin said in a softer voice, “I wouldn’t mind living in a village like this. Berlin was too crowded. The French hills are lovely in the spring.”

Eren shook his head. “Always a dreamer, Armin. Well, better not keep the captain waiting. Reiner, we really must catch up over drinks.”

“If you find beer, let me know. French wine does something to me. I’ll escort you to where we’ve set up a command post. Men,” he said to the others, “you’re fortunate to have this man as your lieutenant. He’s got the luck of the devil himself.” Then he added with a smirk, “I almost pity you all.”

Eren followed the two Waffen-SS soldiers through the streets of the small French commune. Horse-drawn carts full of supplies and military trucks gouged deep ruts in the muddy streets. The few vehicles their platoon had needed to be repaired. The mechanics would be busy in the following days.

Eren walked on, saluting some, being saluted by others, until he came to a small castle, not much more than a rustic château built next to a medieval watchtower. They had designated the building as the company’s headquarters. There were gardens that were being ransacked for food, and the stables were now filled with the horses most of the infantry rode in on. Even damaged from the war, the building was impressive, with the affluence of the owner shown in a glittering chandellier and Baroque paintings hanging on the walls.

Inside, he saw a large table with a massive map that Armin would drool over. Eren glanced and saw markers for armies: German, British, American, Italian, Russian. He saw the movements of German troops, their aggressive push across Europe. At a nonverbal warning from Reiner, Eren moved away from the table and over to two guards in front of a large set of doors.

Reiner opened the doors and saluted the man inside. “I brought him.”

“Good job, _Untersturmführer_ Braun.”

Eren marched in, saw Kitz Woermann, and immediately saluted. “ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ”

“Jäger, thank you for coming.”

Eren privately disliked this man. With his sunken, wild eyes, he looked constantly paranoid, and Kitz Woermann was known to be trigger-happy. There were rumors that he had even killed an officer at his last post. His gaunt eyes showed a man who had been at war for far too long, and if he survived, he would be permanently scarred in his soul from the horrors witnessed and atrocities committed.

Eren wondered if he would one day look like this.

“You mentioned using _this thing_ as a translator,” Kitz said, thumbing aside, “but it’s useless.”

Eren only then saw the tiny Jewish man. His eyes were opposite of the captain’s: narrow and calculating, yet equally suspicious of all around him. Levi gave a look of not giving a shit, whereas Kitz Woermann looked ready to burst into flames at a wrong word.

Eren explained, “He speaks English, _Herr Hauptmann_. So do I. I can get him to translate for us.”

“English!” Kitz boomed, and his eyes looked insane. “Why should I trust English words? How do you know if he’s saying things right?”

“Even if it was directly from German to French, we would have to rely on him being honest in his translations. We can only use Gunther’s German-to-French translation book so much.”

Kitz slammed a finger down to a piece of paper so hard, Eren was honestly shocked he did not break a knuckle. “This! Tell the rat to translate _this_.”

“ _Wie Sie wollen, Herr Hauptmann._ “ As you wish, Captain. Eren approached and looked down at the paper sitting on the desk. He then looked over to Levi, and in English he asked, “Can you read this?”

Levi replied with an arrogant attitude, “Yes, I can read, thank you very much. I’m sure my teachers were rather proud to get some stupid Jew like me to read. Go to hell, you Nazi piece of shit.”

Eren’s hand snapped forward and grabbed the man by the collar, hoisting him up to his toes until his face cringed. He sternly commanded, “Read it, and tell it to me in English.”

Kitz grinned at the roughness, and both Reiner and Bertholdt chuckled softly. Levi glared at the three of them, then up at Eren.

“Don’t make me get rough,” the young officer shouted. “Do it, or he really will kill you. _Prove_ you’re worth keeping alive.”

Although he was shouting, Levi saw that Eren’s eyes held no malice. He was warning him, but doing it in a way that played along with his role. With reluctance, Levi nodded. Eren released him, and the small man picked up the paper.

“It’s a poem. _Chanson d’automne_ , Autumn Song, by Paul Verlaine. It’s quite famous in France.”

“Recite it,” ordered Eren.

In a deep, sonorous voice rich with the verbal erotica of the French language, Levi intoned the poem, hardly needing to look at the writing. It was a poem he had memorized as a boy in school.

> _Les sanglots longs_   
>  _Des violons_   
>  _De l’automne_   
>  _Blessent mon cœur_   
>  _D’une langueur_   
>  _Monotone._
> 
> _Tout suffocant_   
>  _Et blême, quand_   
>  _Sonne l’heure,_   
>  _Je me souviens_   
>  _Des jours anciens_   
>  _Et je pleure;_
> 
> _Et je m’en vais_   
>  _Au vent mauvais_   
>  _Qui m’emporte_   
>  _Deçà, delà,_   
>  _Pareil à la_   
>  _Feuille morte._

“I could translate it, but it’s probably a code. The Resistance uses famous quotes and poems to communicate. The only person who knows what it means is the one with the key to break the code.”

Eren thrust a piece of paper at Levi. “Write it in English, word for word to the best of your ability.”

“The code is likely unique to the French language, not the meaning of the poem itself. Replace one letter for another, that sort of thing.”

“Just do it,” Eren barked.

With a scowl, Levi took a pen and hunched over to write. “A chair might be nice,” he grumbled.

Eren pulled out his Luger and pointed it to Levi’s head. “I don’t think comfort should be your concern.”

“ _Takhshet_ ,” Levi sneered in Yiddish, and he continued to write. After a long and tense few minutes, he was done. “There. The best I can do.”

Eren read over the page. He then read it in German to the captain.

“A poem, huh? Is this truly what it says?” asked Kitz.

“You would need a loyal German fluent in French to answer that,” Eren admitted, “however, I don’t see why this Jew has any reason to lie. The code is likely unique to French. Translating it may be pointless, but I’d rather be thorough.”

Kitz smiled proudly. “This is why you’re an officer, Jäger.”

“As for the translation’s accuracy,” the young soldier continued, “the words do seem to match up. I know these words, _mon cœur_ , is the same as our _mein Herz_. _My heart_ , in English, which is what he wrote. It seems accurate.”

Kitz glared over at Levi. “I suppose this _thing_ is useful after all. Make sure it’s fed. There are more papers to translate. We also have a spy to interrogate, and we need someone who speaks French. Jäger!”

“ _Jawohl!_ ”

“When we need this _thing_ , we will also need you. Exactly how good is your English?”

“It’s like a second language, since many of their words come from our own.”

“Yes, a language of mongrels, half-German and half-French,” the captain said with a sneer. “I trust you to get this _thing_ to translate swiftly and accurately.” He smiled, and it was like a crocodile about to eat a child. “I’ve read the reports about you in Napola. You should have no problem getting this thing to cooperate.”

Eren swallowed bitterly. “ _Jawohl, Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he said, but softer this time, his face filled with self-loathing.

“Escort the Jew back to its cell. Apparently this pathetic castle actually has a dungeon, and we’re keeping them down there. An appropriate location for some rats. Make sure they understand that they are to work without complaint or the officers have permission to shoot them, or find other ways to entertain themselves, if they wish. Ah, maybe don’t tell them that part,” he added with a chuckle. “It would be fun to peg them off one by one.”

The two others joined in with soft chortles, but Eren’s face remained unmoved.

“I will inform them of what they need to know in order to obey.” Eren turned to Levi and motioned for him to follow. Silently, they walked together, Eren’s boots clopping over the wooden floors, while Levi’s worn out soles shuffled along.

Once they were in the hallway, Levi asked, “What was that about?”

Eren shifted to English. “A test, and you just barely passed. You will work as a translator. Our last one was killed.”

Levi sneered. “So I’m conscripted?”

“You’re not that lucky,” Eren said stoically. “Your group will most likely be treated like slaves.”

“To hell with that!”

Eren glanced over to Levi with a pinched brow. “It’s not ideal, but you get to live. For your sake, and for the sake of your comrades, you should obey orders swiftly in the future.”

“I’m not a soldier,” Levi said softly. “Not anymore, at least.”

Eren raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You were?”

Levi gave a curt nod. “French Cameroon, 1928. Some religious _prophet_ rose up, attacked traders and French posts. France fought the Kongo-Wara for three years. They needed someone to quell the insurrection swiftly and effectively. They sent me.”

Eren chuckled softly. “Are you saying you were a strong fighter?”

“People thought so,” Levi said, and his eyes drifted with old memories. “I can still fight.”

“Your knife thrust earlier had strength behind it, but you hesitated.”

“I realized there were two people in the room, not one,” Levi explained in a quiet, distrustful voice, glaring around at the soldiers they passed. “If you had been alone, I would have slit your throat before you could scream. With two, I would have been shot, and my companions as well. I couldn’t stop the strike in time, which is why you managed to disarm me. That’s all there is to it.”

“Is that so?” laughed Eren. “You speak as if you think you could beat me in a fight.”

Levi looked up, and his eyes shined murderously. “If it was you and me, _takhshet_ , and we had only knives or our own fists, you would be dead. I’m better with a blade than a gun.”

Eren subconsciously brushed his fingers over his Luger and across the gun’s trigger. “Well, you better not think of fighting here. The whole company is around you.”

“I’m not stupid, _takhshet_.”

Eren’s brow tightened. What did that word mean? It did not sound like French. Yiddish? It sounded like an insult.

“I’ll do as you order,” Levi said, “but I ask for two things in return.”

Warily, Eren asked, “What?”

“My book returned to me, and some cleaning supplies. That prison cell is filthy.”

Eren could hardly help but laugh. Cleaning supplies? Really! “I’ll see what I can do about soap and a scrub brush, but your book is safer with me than with you.”

“You’d probably burn it,” grumbled Levi.

“If it was in your cell, someone else almost certainly would burn it. So far, no one knows I have it. I can keep it in the bottom of my pack for now.”

“For how long? If you’re caught with it—”

“I’ll tell them I’m keeping it as a threat to hold over you in order to get your obedience.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not much of a lie.”

“Oh? Is it that precious?”

“It was my mother’s and is the last thing I own of hers. So yes, it’s precious, more precious than anything else I have left in this life.”

Eren looked over in surprise. His mother’s holy book! “I see. Then I’ll take care of it.”

Levi sneered but also looked curious. “Why would you?”

“Because you’ll want it back, so you’ll do what I say.” He kept his eyes focused ahead. “Also, I know what it’s like to want to cling onto something belonging to your mother, only to have it all stripped away.”

Levi glanced over, seeing a distant sadness in Eren’s eyes. He scoffed and muttered, “I guess Nazis have mothers too.”

“Not all of us,” Eren said solemnly.

Levi’s brow pinched. Motherless? This young man must have been through a lot before this war thrust him onto foreign soil.

Eren brought Levi through a wing of the castle and down some stairs to the dank chamber. As he saw the black mold on the walls and covered his nose against the reek of rot and human waste, Eren thought to himself that, if Levi wanted to clean this place, he would need more than just a bucket of soapy water.

“Maybe some Borax,” he muttered to himself.

“If you can find it, that would be even better.” Levi wrinkled his nose at the dilapidated prison cells. “I’ve been in worse shit-holes, but this one is … _dégoûtant!_ Disgusting. _Quelle crasse!_ ” How filthy! “I never wanted to be in a place like this again.”

His gaze shifted over cautiously to the small man. “Again?”

Those dark, narrow eyes slid over and met him. “Don’t think you’re the first German soldier to capture me. You probably won’t be the last, either.”

“You say that as if you know you will escape,” Eren noted, and his hand drifted to his Luger again.

Levi snorted an unamused laugh. “I know how to survive. If I can live long enough, I can find a way to leave any shit-hole.”

“You know some interesting English slang.”

“I know how to fuck your ugly sister.”

That made Eren chuckle. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have one, ugly or otherwise.”

Eren took an ancient, heavy key ring off a hook on the wall and opened the door to one of the cells. Inside was a tiny cot for a bed, a bucket for a latrine, and nothing else. Sneering yet having no choice but to obey, Levi walked into the cell, turned around, and held his hand out.

“My book.”

“I don’t have it on me, and it would be confiscated,” said Eren.

“That book is precious to me. I don’t trust you with it.”

Eren closed the cell door on him and turned a clunky iron key. “I can come back with it, but leaving it in this room, especially given what it is, it would definitely be taken away.”

“I want it for Sabbath.”

“Then I will bring it on Sunday.”

“Idiot. Sabbath is Saturday, the seventh day, not Sunday.”

“Saturday, then. We’ll be in this town at least two weeks to flush out the last of the Resistance. I can bring the book on Saturdays.”

Levi nodded in satisfaction. “Of all the Nazis I’ve met, you’re one of the least shitty ones, _takhshet_.”

“What does that word mean?” he blurted out.

Levi smirked in amusement. “It means _brat_. Now give me privacy so I can take a shit.”

Eren rolled his eyes at the surly attitude and left back up the stairs. “You sure did master English profanity.”

“So I can talk shit to fucking Germans like you, bastard!” he shouted at the retreating soldier. He watched as Eren merely waved casually in farewell. Then Levi collapsed onto the cot and slouched over. “ _Merde!_ ” he cursed under his breath.

He looked down to his hand and traced where once a ring had left an indent still visible as a pale line on his skin.

“ _Tu m’as dit de vivre. Je t’ai juré sur ma vie que je le ferais. Veille sur moi encore une fois._ ” He folded his hands and put his head down to pray. “ _Veille sur moi, Petra._ ”

You told me to live. I promised your soul I would. Watch over me once more. Watch over me, Petra.

# # #

# #

#

So many terms for non-WWII-history-nerds!

 **May 1944** – one month before Operation Overlord, AKA “D-Day,” when the Allies landed in Normandy and began an offense against the Nazis.

 **In[German unit formations](https://www.feldgrau.com/WW2-German-Heer-Unit-Formations-And-Organization)**, a company is 100-200 men, headed by a captain, and made up of 3-6 platoons. A German platoon has 20-40 men and is led by a lieutenant.

 **The Vichy Régime** – In 1940, Germany invaded France, Luxembourg, and the Netherlands, taking control of northwest Europe. In an armistice between the countries, it was agreed that southern France would be “free.” Paris fell within the occupied zone, so the French governmental capitol moved to the southern city of Vichy. While claiming to be free and neutral, the Vichy Régime worked closely with the Nazis, obeying their commands for curfews, strict censorship of the media, and broadcasting Fascist propaganda. They required all Jews in France to register with the authorities, then banned Jews from professions such as the law, medicine, teaching, and public service. The Vichy Régime also worked with the Gestapo to round up Jews. Of the 73,853 French Jews sent to death camps—including 11,402 children—only 2,260 adults and 300 children survived.

 **The French Resistance** opposed the German occupation. It was made up of small cells of activists, nationalists, socialists, and anarchists, who engaged in acts of sabotage, intelligence gathering, disrupting telecommunications networks, publishing underground newspapers, and guerrilla warfare.

 _ **Wehrmacht**_ (“Defense Force”) – the armed forces of Nazi Germany, comprised of the Army ( _Heer_ ), Navy ( _Kriegsmarine_ ), and Air Force ( _Luftwaffe_ ).

 _ **Unteroffizier**_ (“subordinate officer”) – equivalent to a sergeant, one of the highest ranks an enlisted man can reach.

 _ **Obergefreiter**_ – equivalent to a senior lance-corporal, a common rank in the German Army during World War II.

 _ **Soldat**_ – equivalent to a private, the lowest rank in the Wehrmacht.

 _ **Schutzstaffel**_ (SS) – the armed wing of the Nazi Party. The Waffen-SS often worked alongside the _Heer_ (regular army). They were the foremost agency of security, surveillance, and terror within Germany and German-occupied Europe, and committed many atrocities.

 **Napola** – short for _Nationalpolitischen Erziehungsanstalten_ (National Political Institutes of Education). They were basically preparatory schools for entry into the Wehrmacht and Waffen-SS. Only those who were “racially flawless” could enter, and the education was intensely militant and political, deliberately working to make the cadets fervent believers in the Nazi regime and its ideology.

 _ **Untersturmführer**_ (“junior storm leader”) – the first commissioned SS officer rank, equivalent to a second lieutenant in other military organizations. Becoming an officer in the SS was challenging, with physical screenings, written examinations, perfect vision, no more than six tooth fillings, a height requirement, papers proving racial purity going back to 1800, as well as serving in the listed ranks and getting a commission recommendation by a superior.

_**Chanson d’automne**_ – “Autumn Song,” a French poem that played a vital role in the success of D-Day and the liberation of France. Broadcast by the BBC, the lines were a code that indicated precisely when Operation Overlord was to begin, signaling to the French Resistance that they should begin sabotage operations on the railroad system.

Music Nerd Time!!! – _Chanson d’automne_ was made into a song by French jazz singer Charles Trenet. Many American “standards” were actually translations or reinventions of his songs, including one of his most popular songs, _La Mer_ (The Sea) which English speakers know as _Somewhere Beyond the Sea_ used in the movie _Finding Nemo_. Here is his version of _Chanson d’automne_.

Levi says he fought in the **Kongo-Wara Rebellion** of 1928-1931, in French Cameroon. A Gbaya religious prophet named Karnou had a following of 350,000 people spanning many tribes. They held peaceful protests and boycotts to make a statement about the abuse their people suffered under the French. Followers of Karnou were spurred into bravery through a deep-rooted belief in mysticism, including that they could not be hurt so long as they carried a sacred stick. Unfortunately, that meant some tribal people fought recklessly, and the French managed to suppress the uprising. Karnou was killed (my idea was Levi assassinated him), the rebellion was crushed in a few years, but it still brought about changes to the way the French used—and abused—their colonies. Today, the Gbaya people keep Karnou’s memory alive through folktales and songs, and there is a Central African airline named in his honor.


	3. La Résistance Française

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren are ordered to help interrogate a member of the French Resistance, Annie Leonhart.

The next morning, a runner came to the home Eren had taken over with his platoon. He was needed to deal with their new translator.

“An interrogation?” Jean asked with interest. “That sounds like fun.”

Eren shook his head as he pulled on his uniform. “They are never _fun_.”

Armin pouted at the idea of what an _interrogation_ implied. “Doesn’t the Gestapo normally handle that?”

“They do,” Eren said, “but for the same reason Berlin can’t send us a proper translator, they can’t send someone from the Gestapo.” He paused and looked down at the tiny soldier. “Would you really want one of those sorts of men around here anyway?”

“I have nothing to hide,” Armin replied innocently.

Eren chuckled and patted Armin’s golden hair. “Because you’re a perfect little German boy.”

“Hey!” he shouted, yanking back from the childish treatment while the platoon laughed.

Reiner had been visiting that morning, and he stepped forward. “May I accompany you, _Herr Leutnant_?”

Eren looked up at the bullish man. “You may, since you are an officer, but it will be the captain who decides who may be present for the interrogation. It’s not some form of entertainment, after all. The prisoner may have sensitive information.”

“I’ve sat in on Gestapo interrogations,” Reiner said with a dark smile. “I may know a few techniques that can break him.”

“Her,” Eren corrected.

Reiner’s eyes widened fractionally. “A woman?”

“Do you still want to go?”

After a slight hesitation, he nodded. “If the captain allows it, I would like to see other interrogators at work.”

Eren noted that Reiner had instantly gone from wanting a part in the questioning to wanting merely to observe. “Perhaps it is a future calling in your career with the Waffen-SS,” he joked, and with a tug on his hat, the two left the house.

They went to the village’s small castle and were instructed to go down to a cellar just off the kitchens. Unlike the dungeons, it smelled clean here, but the room was horribly cold even on that warm May day, meant to keep food fresh in ancient times.

Eren saw that Levi was already there, and his face was more bitter than the day before. He also had a discolored mark on his cheek that Eren knew was a punch to the face. When the Jew saw the young Nazi approaching, his face changed slightly. It was not a smile, but it was a bit of relief.

“About damn time,” he said in English. “I can tell they want me to translate, but I don’t know German. I can’t question her if I don’t know the damn questions.”

“I’ll deal with it,” Eren said softly. He approached Kitz Woermann and saluted. “I could have fetched the Jew, _H_ _err H_ _auptmann_. He will obey if he knows what is being asked.”

“I didn’t want to waste time,” Kitz said, but then he smiled, “and I was getting sick of hitting a woman. I needed something more worthy of my fists, and punching a Jew a few times eased the sickness in my stomach.”

Eren merely nodded. He had thought Levi must have resisted, but knowing the captain, Levi very well could have said nothing at all and still have gotten hit.

“She was carrying this letter.” Kitz flicking up a folded and wrinkled letter between his fingers. “The Jew has translated it for us, although it makes little sense. An encoded message, most likely. It’ll be sent to cryptographers for analysis. One thing is clear. It’s a message to the Resistance leader known as Didier. What we need is to know where this Didier is. If she is a courier, she knows where to deliver the message.”

Eren nodded and walked around to a chair in the center of the cellar. The blond woman’s back was to him, but he saw her wrists tied up behind the chair, already bruised with dried threads of blood crusted on petite hands. Her hair had been pulled and mussed up. As Eren walked around, he saw that she had a swollen cheek and blood dripping from her lips. Looking at her, she appeared to be no more than fifteen. So young!

“Jäger,” Reiner said sternly. “They use their children against us as well. Do not be fooled.”

Eren kept his face implacable. Still, his stomach soured at seeing the condition of this girl, who was rather pretty with smooth blond hair and a narrow face with pale blue eyes.

“Levi, basic questions. Her name.”

“ _Quel est votre nom?_ ” asked the Jew.

The woman turned her eyes up to them. “ _Oh? Alors maintenant, t’es poli et tu demandes mon nom? Vas te faire enculer._ ”

Eren smirked, knowing already that this woman was a spit-fire. “That’s a hell of a name.”

Levi did not look amused. “She’s upset that you’re only now being polite and asking her name.”

“And what is it?”

“You’re going to get fucked up the ass.”

Eren arched an eyebrow. “What?”

Levi shrugged. “Should I simplify it to ‘fuck you,’ or do you want direct translations? She says you’ll get fucked up the ass.”

“Okay, I get it already.” Eren sighed and stepped closer to her. “Levi, tell her exactly what I say. You are under suspicion of being a member of the French Resistance.” He waited for Levi to say the words in French. “You will not escape from here, and we will not simply kill you. If you cooperate, you may even be pardoned. At the very least, try to make things easier. I will not hit a woman, but the captain will. Work with me, and you will not be hurt. So please, show at least the courtesy of letting me know your name.”

Her eyes stayed on Eren, but her ear was aimed at Levi, listening to the French words but peering at the kind face that spoke with honesty. When Levi finished, the room was quiet, and she hesitated a moment before answering.

“Annie. _Mon nom est Annie Leonhart_.”

Eren smiled and nodded. “ _Mon nom est Eren Jäger._ ” That much French, he knew.

“ _J’apportais une lettre, mais je ne sais pas pour qui c’était. Je n’ai jamais ouvert la lettre. On m’a dit de l’apporter ici, mais on a été attaqué avant que je puisse la délivrer._ ”

Levi sighed. “So annoying.” Still, he translated. “I was carrying a letter, but I do not know whom it was for. I never opened the letter. I was told to take it here, but we were attacked before I could deliver it.”

Eren nodded and translated all of that into German for the officers standing around.

“A likely story,” scoffed Kitz.

“Her eyes are honest, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” said Eren.

“Eyes lie! This confirms that she’s a member of the French Resistance, though.”

“We really should bring in a Gestapo inspector,” Reiner said. “Using a Jew to investigate … I don’t like this.”

“I’d rather shoot the filthy thing myself, but we work with the tools we have.” Kitz ignored any other complaints as he looked at the letter. “If this was the letter’s destination, then whoever it was intended for must know who Didier is. Ask her the name of the recipient and who she received it from.”

Eren told Levi what to ask, and in this around-about way, they got her answer.

“ _Enculer une mouche._ ”

Levi sighed and shook his head. “ _Tu es une fille têtue._ ” You are a stubborn girl.

“What did she say?” asked Eren.

Levi looked over to him. “Go fuck a fly.”

Eren flinched and looked down at her sadly. “Please obey us.”

“ _Obéissez, s’il vous plaît_ ,” Levi translated for her.

“ _Je ne suis pas une femmelette. Torturez moi si vous voulez. Je ne trahirai pas la France._ ”

“She says, I am not a … how do you say … a weak woman. Torture me if you want. I will not betray France.”

Eren’s forehead furrowed. “If I tell the captain that, she’ll be tortured.”

Levi looked at the distressed expression in the young officer and felt a small glimmer of relief that there were kind soldiers like this in the world. “We French are stubborn people, Jäger. She may not break even after a week of torture.”

“Does she understand that she will be beaten?”

“I believe the bruises are proof enough that she knows what she’s about to endure.”

Eren shook his head and looked down at her. “Please, don’t make me tell them this.”

Levi translated his plea and listened to Annie’s reply. “She says, you have kind eyes and she believes that if it was just you, she would be treated fairly. However, her name means _heart of a lion_. She must live up to that heritage as a daughter of France.”

Eren turned aside. He admired that strength, but Reiner was right. He could not let her youth nor her gender betray the fact that she was an enemy of Germany. He walked away from the chair and over to the captain.

“She won’t talk. I warned her that she would be tortured. She’s a stubborn one.”

“They all are in this country,” Kitz said with a dour grimace. “I’ll need you and the Jew here in case she breaks. The rest of you may leave if you have weak stomachs. Jäger, stay near the Jew. I wouldn’t want that thing to think it can be a hero and save her. If it tries to intervene, shoot it.”

“ _Verstanden, Herr Hauptmann!_ ” Understood, Captain! Eren pulled on Levi’s sleeve. “I’m afraid you have to stay. You probably should turn your back, though. You don’t need to watch, just listen for if she says anything important.”

Levi scoffed at the kindness. “Do you really think I haven’t already seen women and children being tortured at the hands of Germans? I’ve seen far worse than anything your captain could do to this girl.”

“If you try to stop us, you’ll be shot,” Eren warned.

Levi stared right at Annie, not flinching or even looking at her with pity. His grayish eyes were cold but also held a gleam of pride. “Look at the girl, Jäger. She’s ready for this. She sees it as a test of her loyalty to her country. If I tried to stop you, I would be dishonoring her strength.”

“Even though she’s a child?”

He laughed wryly. “You are also a child in my eyes, _takhshet_. She’s only a few years younger than you. Youth does not weaken strength.”

Kitz snapped at the two, “ _Hör auf zu plappern._ ” Stop yapping.

The captain walked over to the chair. Annie kept her eyes forward, stern although Eren could see her hands shaking in fear. Suddenly, Kitz grabbed her hair, yanked so hard her entire upper body bowed back, and then slammed his hand down onto her collar. Everyone in the room heard the bone break, and her high scream made one officer leave right away.

As Kitz slapped her hard enough to make blood fly from her mouth, Eren averted his eyes. He saw that Reiner was still in the room, watching with cold interest. Eren supposed it took a certain sort of person to be interested in interrogation like this. He was definitely not that sort.

“ _Didier! Wer ist das?_ ”

Eren flinched but told Levi, “Ask her who Didier is.”

Not even flinching, Levi questioned Annie, “ _Qui est Didier?_ ”

“ _Je ne sais pas_ ,” she shouted. “ _Je ne vous dirai rien._ ”

Levi told Eren unemotionally. “She does not know and will not tell you anything.”

“If she refuses to tell us, then she knows something useful at least,” Eren deducted.

Levi merely looked at him, coldly awaiting the next order.

“Was Didier in this village?” he asked.

Levi relayed the question. Annie’s blue eyes looked over to Eren, and there was mocking laughter in them.

“ _Ici? Non, il n’a jamais vécu dans ce village. Vous ne trouverez jamais Didier, espèces de sales boches._ ”

Levi replied to Eren, “Her words are: ‘Here? No, he never lived in this village. You will never find Didier’ … hard to translate that last part into English, but maybe _dirty German animals_ comes close.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed at her. “You will tell us, or you will suffer.”

Levi interpreted: “ _Vous allez tout nous dire, ou vous allez souffrir._ ”

Annie cracked a smile, and slowly she began to laugh. She cocked her head at Eren and grinned as she declared: “ _Ordure! T’as pas les couilles de me torturer. Vas crever dans ton pays de porcs, sale Fritz puant! Vive la France!_ ”

Levi rolled his eyes over to Eren. “Do you really want me to translate all that?”

“Yes,” snapped Eren.

He gave an exasperated sigh. “Garbage. You don’t have the balls to torture me. Go die in your country full of porks, you filthy Fritz. Long live France.”

“Annie…” Eren began to say. She spat at him, and Eren felt the moisture hit his cheek. He looked up at Kitz, into those wild eyes that now seemed to crave blood, and sadly he shook his head.

He heard the slap of flesh, but Eren could not watch as Annie bravely endured as she was hit over and over again.

* * *

It was near dinnertime when Eren escorted Levi back to the dungeon. The Jew walked sternly, his gray-blue eyes focused ahead. Eren plodded on, but he was visibly shaken. They were already in the castle’s dungeon when Levi heard a thump behind him and spun around to see Eren collapsed to his knees. The young soldier suddenly leaned over and vomited.

“Jäger!” he called out.

Eren could not hold back his stomach. He leaned over again and spewed out what little he ate for lunch. Levi knelt beside him and pulled off the uniform cap, using it to fan Eren’s face.

“ _En fait tu n’es qu’un simple garçon._ ” In fact, you’re just a simple boy.

Eren gulped, ashamed that he could not last just a little longer. Suddenly, he realized Levi could have attacked him during this moment of weakness. He jolted with a gasp, and his hand went straight to his gun.

“Idiot,” Levi muttered. “Do you really think I would attack you at a time like this?”

“If you were smart, you would.”

“And what would that accomplish? Do you think I could escape from this village simply by killing one Nazi? Without you around, my usefulness would be gone and I would be killed.” He slapped the uniform cap back onto Eren’s head. “You need me to translate; I need you because you’re the only bastard in this place who gives a shit about us. I saw how you struggled so hard to get that girl to cooperate. You wouldn’t have hurt her at all if this situation was up to you alone.”

“No,” Eren sighed, slowly rising to his feet and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I would have been forced to do the same by sheer necessity. She is an enemy of Germany.”

“I don’t believe you,” Levi said, watching the young man as he tried to recover. “How you are right now shows to me that you would not have hurt her, not that badly. Like she said: _t’as pas les couilles_. You don’t have the balls.”

Eren glared, but Levi looked up at the tall soldier with no fear or pity.

“You have a good heart. That is why you keep trying to save everyone. You’d make a perfect civilian, probably an outstanding politician, but that deep sense of mortality makes for a weak soldier. I’ll pray that you can make it through this war alive with that goodness uncorrupted. This crazy world needs more men like you, Jäger.”

“Eren,” he blurted out. “Call me Eren.”

Levi arched an amused eyebrow. “I think that is unwise, given our positions. I’ll call you Jäger or I’ll call you _takhshet_.”

“And what should I call you?”

Levi barked a mirthless laugh. “Whatever the hell you want. Call me Ackerman, call me Levi, call me Jew or whatever it is the captain calls me—I know he speaks about me like an object and not a person—whatever you like. You’re the captor, after all.”

“Then just Levi,” he decided. “You’re still a person.”

Levi paused and looked up at him, honestly amazed. He kept staring, until Eren felt uncomfortable under that gaze.

“What?” he finally shouted.

Levi still stared, but abruptly he looked away. “ _Si seulement t’avais été là il y a quatre ans._ ”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he muttered, and he looked down at his hand, rubbing his thumb over the tan line of a missing ring. Still, he thought to himself: _If only you had been there four years ago, before my life went to hell._ “Eat something light and go to bed early.”

“Don’t treat me like a boy.”

“You _are_ one, a little boy who still needs his father.”

Suddenly, Levi felt his shirt grabbed, and before he could react, he was slammed against the prison bars. He hissed as his head hit hard, and he glared up, only to see that the young German soldier with a weak stomach a moment ago now looked like a beast ready to tear him apart limb by limb.

“Never mention my father in front of me,” Eren growled. “And never, _ever_ , think I need something so useless as that.”

Levi gazed in quiet amazement. First this young man’s mother was obviously dead, from what he said the day before, now something about his father. Just what was the story behind him?

Eren let Levi go and backed off, apparently surprised at himself. He looked ready to apologize, but thought better not to. He quietly went to Levi’s cell and opened it.

Without a word of protest, Levi walked inside. Eren locked the door, and without any parting, he stormed out of the dungeon.

Levi sighed, “ _Quel bien triste et étrange garçon._ ” What a sad and strange boy.

# # #

# #

#

 _ **La Résistance Française**_ \- The French Resistance. Many French citizens resisted their new Nazi overlords. Through espionage and sabotage, they slowed down the Germans as much as they could, derailing trains to stop supplies, burning warehouses to try starving them out, providing military intelligence to the Allies, some even seduced Nazi officers and drugged them to get information. Any act of resistance could change the course of the war.

Annie being tortured for carrying a letter meant for **Didier** is directly inspired from the account of **Lise Lesevre** , a Frenchwoman who was arrested for that exact same thing, carrying a letter meant for a Resistance leader code-named Didier. She was tortured by Gestapo interrogator **Klaus Barbie** , known as “the Butcher of Lyon.” Lesevre and many other women (few men survived Barbie’s interrogations) testified against him at his trial. He tortured prisoners as young as 13, hitting them with spiked balls, breaking out their teeth, ripping open the corners of their mouths, drowning attempts with bathtub torture, and if he suspected his victim was a Jew, he would crush their skull with his boot. All whilst petting a little kitten. Sick twisted bastard.

…

 **MORE COOL HISTORICAL FACTS!** (You can skip this, or use it for an upcoming history exam.)

 **Germany invaded France in 1940** , and Paris fell in just one month. With defeat imminent, members of the French government sought an armistice, a formal agreement to stop fighting. Prime Minister Reynaud opposed the idea, but the Cabinet voted in favor of it. Reynaud resigned rather than sign it.

 **Philippe Pétain** became the new Prime Minister and immediately signed the armistice. President Lebrun stepped down, which meant Pétain now had complete control over the government. He abolished the presidency and indefinitely adjourned Parliament. With Paris falling under German-controlled lands, Pétain moved the capital to **Vichy**. Germany occupied 3/5th of France, and Berlin’s demands to the **Vichy Régime** were generally unopposed by Pétain, which meant pretty much all of France was now under the thumb of the Nazis.

Reynaud attempted to escape to the colonies in North Africa, where many members of Parliament—especially those who were Jewish—were fleeing, but Pétain had him arrested and handed him over to the Nazis. Brigadier-General Charles de Gaulle, who had held a Cabinet position under Reynaud, had been out of the country during this, pleading with England for more military aid. When he returned to France, he learned that Reynaud had stepped down, and now he was under threat of being arrested by Pétain. Reluctantly, he escaped back to London.

Under the armistice, the new French government in Vichy would be neutral, not assisting the Allies anymore. Germany agreed for many reasons:

  1. They wanted to focus on Britain and the Eastern Front.
  2. They did not want the burden of administering France.
  3. They lacked a navy that could occupy all of France’s overseas territories.



Had Hitler aimed to defeat France, it would have taken more time, cost more lives, and the British and Americans had the means to take over all the French colonies, meaning those resources could be used in their war effort. By leaving a neutral French state intact, those colonies remained under French rule. Germany could keep those resources out of Allied hands, while also making use of them for Germany.

Germany kept two million French soldiers as hostages to ensure that the new Vichy Régime would pay tribute to Germany in gold, food, and supplies. Germany took 80% of the food produced in France, causing mass starvation, and forced France to pay the costs of the 300,000 occupying German soldiers, which amounted to 20 million Reichsmark per day. In modern inflation, that is $2,215,030 USD, 1.986.660 Euros, or £1.751.756. France also had to reduce its military forces, cease all imports from Allies, and they were commanded to round up Jews, refugees, communists, and other people Germany found to be “undesirable.” In total, 50 internment camps were built throughout France, including the Drancy internment camp built outside of Paris, meant to hold only 700 people, but often filled with up to 7000.

 **Charles de Gaulle** made radio broadcasts from London, urging the French to continue the fight and calling for a resistance. He formed the French Committee of National Liberation ( _Comité français de Libération nationale_ ) as a provisional government-in-exile, challenging the legitimacy of the Vichy Régime, unifying the French soldiers who escaped to England and Norway, and organizing the civil resistance back in mainland France. This group became _La Résistance Française_ , the French Resistance.

 **Germany retaliated against the Resistance** by “collective punishment.” They would take a thousand civilians hostage and kill a few for every action by the Resistance. It is estimated that 30,000 of these hostages were murdered. Sometimes, they simply massacred a whole village.

 **The French Resistance saved many Jews.** _Père_ Marie-Benoît, a Catholic priest, converted his monastery into a Resistance base camp and smuggled around 4000 Jews out of France. Georges Loinger, a Jew serving in the French Army, was captured by Germans in 1940 but wasn’t suspected as being Jewish due to his blue eyes and blond hair; he escaped his prisoner-of-war camp, returned to France, and single-handedly saved 350 Jewish children. Huguenot Pastor André Trocmé persuaded his community of Le Chambon-sur-Lignon to turn their entire village into a sanctuary for Jewish refugees. Villagers picked up Jewish refugees from the train station and immediately gave them forged identification and ration cards. Jewish children were enrolled in the village school under fake names. The villagers hid Jews in schools, hotels, farms, and private homes. Multiple safe houses were built, and in order to buy food supplies for the refugees, Pastor André received aid from other religious groups who wanted to protect Jews: Quakers, the Salvation Army, the American Congregational Church, Fellowship of Reconciliation, Jewish and Christian ecumenical groups, the French Protestant student organization Cimade, and the Swiss “Help to Children.” Whenever Nazi patrols came through, the villagers sang songs to let Jews know it was dangerous and to flee to shelter, either in a safe house or into the forests, and then they would sing another song to let them know when it was safe. The villagers also guided Jews through the mountains to the Swiss border, using the same paths their Huguenot ancestors had used to escape religious oppression from Catholics. This one village saved 3500-5000 Jews. Some of the residents were arrested by the Gestapo and died in concentration camps for giving sanctuary to Jews. When Vichy authorities ordered Pastor André Trocmé to produce a list of the Jews in the town, he replied, “We do not know what a Jew is. We only know men.” The Holocaust memorial center in Israel, Yad Vashem, recognized Pastor André Trocmé, his wife Magda, André’s cousin Daniel Trocmé who was caught and died in the Majdanek concentration camp, the entire community of Le Chambon-sur-Lignon, and all other Gentiles who helped to save Jews during the Holocaust, as חֲסִידֵי אֻמּוֹת הָעוֹלָם, “Righteous Among the Nations.”


	4. Bathing by the River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Saturday arrives on their first week, Eren has a special treat for the Jews, and Levi has some wise words for Eren.

Levi jolted out of nightmares at the sound of clomping shoes. Out of habit, he ducked down and reached for the knife that was no longer by his side. Nazis were coming! However, he slowly realized that although this was true, the Nazi who was coming now was most likely the only one who would not kill him.

Still, he waited on edge. Other soldiers besides Eren Jäger had come down to this dungeon. One of his fellow Jews, Moses Braun, had for some reason gained the sadistic interest of a soldier named Darius Baer-Walbrunn, a giant man with deep-set, harsh eyes, who came down just to torment the emotionally-fraught man and threaten him at gunpoint. The captain himself had been down there just to torment them, choosing one victim to beat up for all the others to see, speaking German words they did not know. Levi knew he was being treated slightly better than the others, but only slightly. They needed him alive. The others were forced into hard labor, doing cleaning work around the town so the soldiers could relax.

Still, all the imprisoned Jews were now awake, even those who had been working late into the night. Wide eyes watched and waited with fear. Only Levi’s eyes were narrow and scathing. He really wished he had his knife.

When he saw Eren, he relaxed a little, and he realized the others did as well. They all knew him as the man who saved them from being slaughtered right there in that tiny room where they had huddled and waited out the bombardment.

A moment later, they saw other soldiers with the young lieutenant, and anxiety increased again. Only Levi remained relaxed. He saw the look on Eren’s face, and he knew that whatever this was, it was not going to be bad.

“It is your seventh day, _ja_?” Eren said with a lightness in his voice.

“To be honest, I’ve lost track of days,” Levi said, still cautious but curious.

“I can’t get you out of work, but I can get you a small reprieve from labor.” His voice lowered, although he was speaking English and the others with him likely could not understand. “I can also briefly return a certain thing that is precious to you.”

Levi’s eyes widened at that. His Tanakh!

“ _Baden!_ ” Eren cried out happily. “Bathing. You will wash in the river. Under guard, of course,” he added, waving back to the soldiers. “These are trusted men of my platoon. They will not shoot if I order them not to, but,” he added, and his voice turned threatening, “I did a lot to get you even this much. If you attempt to escape, we are under orders to shoot you. I can control my men, but only if you obey our rules. Now, translate that to your group. They look terrified.”

Levi explained to the others that they were being allowed to wash in the river.

“Make sure you explain that they will be shot for any attempts at escape. Connie is a _Scharfschütze_. He will not miss.”

“What is … _Scharfschütze_?” Levi asked in confusion.

“Sharpshooter, I think is the English word. He always hits his target, no matter how far away it is.”

“ _Tireur d’élite_ ,” Levi translated. He looked at the soldier, slim-built with a shaved scalp that made his head look too big for his body, and saw that his gray-green eyes were keen.

Eren waved over to the rest of the prison cells. “Translate it.”

Levi nodded and repeated the words into French.

Jean groaned in annoyance. “ _Ich wünschte, einer von uns könnte Französich. Sprichst du’s, Armin?_ ” I wish one of us spoke French. Do you, Armin?

The small, studious soldier shook his head. “ _Ich verstehe nur hier und da ein Wort. Ich habe Italienisch gelernt._ ” I only understand a word here and there. I studied Italian.

“ _Ruhe!_ ” ordered Eren. Quiet! “ _Öffnet die Zellentüren. Führt sie nach draußen. Schießt nur, wenn sie versuchen zu fliehen._ ” Open the prison doors. Lead them outside. Shoot only if they try to flee.

“ _Wir sollten einfach—_ ” We should just—

“ _Mach schnell!_ ” barked Eren. Make it quick!

Levi watched as the tall one with a long face reluctantly pulled out keys to open the prison doors.

“Is there a problem?” Levi asked, hesitating to step out.

Eren chuckled. “Jean has always been a problem.”

Jean yelled at Eren, “ _Was sagen Sie über mich? Bin ich ein Problem?_ ” What are you saying about me? Am I a problem?

Eren grinned back to him. “ _Sie sind immer ein Problem._ ” You are always a problem.

The other soldiers chuckled softly.

Levi stepped out and saw how this group interacted. “They listen to you. They respect you.”

“They should! I am their commanding officer. We have been through a few battles together.”

“A little brat like you survived? Impressive, _takhshet_.”

Eren laughed, and Levi found himself amused at the youthful smile. He felt safe so long as he was with this young man.

They were brought out and marched in single file through the village. Other soldiers jeered, but none did anything with the lieutenant shooting harsh glares around. Only once, a rock flew out of nowhere and hit Levi on the face, cutting his cheek.

“ _Wer hat das geworfen?_ ” bellowed Eren. Who threw that? “If that had hit me, you would be shot on the spot. Go back to your duties. They’re just Jews. Are they really that interesting to you?” He continued onward, but he glanced back briefly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not going to die from a pebble, _takhshet_ ,” he said, wiping the blood aside.

Finally, they were at the river. Eren gave orders for them to bathe, Levi translated, but the women in the group hesitated.

“ _Verdammt_ ,” Eren cursed, removing his cap and scratching his head, unsure how to deal with this. “Are they just being modest? I know it’s mostly men here, but they really should bathe as well.”

“They’re afraid of being raped,” Levi told him bluntly.

“Never!” he shouted.

Levi stared coldly. “Most of these women have already been raped by German soldiers. They have every reason to be fearful.”

Hearing that stabbed at Eren’s sense of honor. How could any soldier do something so barbaric? “I would personally shoot any soldier under my command who did something like that,” he growled. He looked at the terrified women and felt a swell of pity for them. “How can I convince them it’s safe?”

“They trust me, and I trust you. Have your men watch the males here. Take the women a few paces upstream. You alone. Have your sharpshooter stay here but watch in case something happens. I will guard the women, you will guard me, he will be ready in case anyone is truly stupid. I know these women; most can’t swim. If they attempted to flee, the river is fast and they will drift downstream toward the men.”

Eren was honestly impressed, even taking the river’s current into consideration. “You said you were in the military. I can see how you would have made a fine tactician. Very well.” He explained to his small platoon what he was doing. Then he and Levi urged the women to travel farther upstream. Once away, the women began to undress, but still covered themselves modestly.

Levi told them in a calming tone, “ _Tout ira bien. Je vous protègerai._ ” It’s safe. I will protect you.

Eren watched without interest as the women went into the water with a few rags and shared a bar of soap, scrubbing each other’s backs. He watched Levi more.

“You should wash as well,” he stated.

Still, Levi remained on the shore fully dressed. “It’s improper for a man to bathe with women. If it’s not a problem, I’ll wait.”

“It will be. I’ll have to send the rest back and stay around just for you.”

“Then I will skip bathing this week.”

Eren leaned back against a tree. “You’re picky about the cleanliness of your prison cell, but not for yourself?”

“Of course I am, but these women come first.”

Eren chuckled. “Spoken like a true gentleman.”

Levi glanced around to Eren with a look of surprise. “Spoken like a true Englishman,” he said in amazement. “You even said that with a hint of a posh accent. Tell me, how is it that a young German like you speaks English so well? You’re as good at it as I am, and I lived in London for a few years.”

He gave a casual shrug. “I was taught at a young age.”

“Your mother?”

Eren stared out at the river, and his face darkened.

“Your father?” Levi guessed quietly.

Those teal-blue eyes shot over to him in silent fury.

Levi realized, in this situation, with these people under his protection, he could not afford to get Eren upset. The young man was visually on edge, prodding for more information was dangerous, so he turned away to continue watching over the bathers and muttered, “He taught you well.”

Eren sneered. “Of course he did, that bastard. I was forced to learn English.”

Levi’s curiosity tingled with many questions, but he said nothing.

It did not take long for the women to finish, and they hurriedly pulled their clothes back on. A few curtsied to Eren, saying what he guessed were words of thanks.

“They say they are glad you did not … what is the word … whistling and saying rude things.”

“Cat-calling, in English,” Eren told Levi. “I don’t do that sort of thing. It’s disrespectful.”

Levi again thought this German was rare and interesting, but he did not pry. He began to strip off his clothes.

Eren now jolted. “H-Hey!”

Levi glanced over his shoulder. “May I bathe as well, or must we go?”

Eren gulped and looked downstream to see his team was waiting. “ _Ich bleibe hier bis er fertig ist. Begleitet sie zurück ins Dorf._ ” I’ll stay here until he’s finished. Escort them back to the village.

The group nodded and continued on, leaving Eren and Levi alone. Levi continued to pull off his belt and undo his trousers.

“They really trust you,” he pointed out again.

“I am a lieutenant. They know someone like you cannot overpower me.”

Levi glanced back around again, this time with a wry gleam in his eyes. “Oh? Do you really believe that?”

Eren glared and rested his hand on his gun.

Levi merely shrugged and tugged off his underwear until he was fully nude. “I probably could beat you in a fight if you were unarmed, but what then? If I run, they’re all shot, and their blood is on my hands.”

He heard a noise and looked back around to see Eren with his head turned and a blush on his face.

“You had no problem with a group of naked women, but you’re bashful around a man like me? Really, _takhshet_ , if you act like this, people may think you’re into men.”

“It’s not like that,” he shouted, but his voice hitched. “That was a group. There were naked men as well down the way, but it was all a group. This … it’s just you, so … ugh! _Egal, vergiss es._ Never mind!” He scowled at himself and folded his arms with a churlish pout.

Levi paused in cautious curiosity, but he dismissed it for now. This man was a Nazi, after all. He knew what they did to homosexuals and any form of sexual deviants. Maybe it was as Eren said: a group was one thing, but this was just the two of them. He was overly modest for a soldier.

Levi waded out into the river with a bar of soap and a cloth, and he began to wash himself. Eren watched from the shore, but instead of anticipating an escape attempt, his eyes lingered over Levi’s torso, down to where the water hid him. His skin was pale, his chest nearly hairless, yet there were scars on him, some of them recent. Some were definitely from the lashes of a whip. Most were knife wounds. One scar looked like a bullet wound.

Eren wondered how he got them. Was he whipped for being a Jew? Had he been in knife fights as a youth? Was he shot during his time in the military? How did he get all of those scars?

He did not dare ask, though. Instead, he watched and silently admired the muscular back.

“Thank you.”

Eren jolted, and he realized his eyes had been drifting downward.

Levi continued, “You must have gone through some trouble to get baths for us. I know all of us are thankful, even if it’s the sabbath. Cleanliness is important to Jews.”

Eren laughed softly. “And here I was always taught that Jews are dirty.”

Levi glanced around his shoulder. “Funny. We’re taught the same thing about Gentiles.”

Eren supposed every group said foul things about one another. It was childish, in his mind. Name-calling, that was all. “You should hurry. Jean will definitely come back and act like an ass if you take too long.”

“I just need to scrub off the filth. It’s been a while since I last had a proper bath. Not that a bar of soap and a river are what I would consider _proper_ under normal circumstances. Still, it’s better than my own spit. I miss soaking in a hot bathtub.”

Eren had to bark a laugh. “Most of the time, we’re lucky to get a bag of water and a sliver of soap. I remember going over three months without a shower or bath, working and sleeping in the same clothes day after day. They had to cut the socks off my skin and burn the boots by the time I was called off the front lines.”

Levi turned around and eyed the young man. “You fought on the front?”

He tapped a silver badge on his uniform, a medal given to infantry who fought on the front lines. “Anzio,” he replied, and his eyes darkened a little. “I rather liked Italy, but _that_ … that was hell. I lost a lot of good men. Got wounded a few times too. We were out there from January until late April. Generalfeldmarschall Kesselring called all available units to Anzio to stop the Americans and British. The shells were firing night and day, nonstop. I still have ringing in my ears. We were pulled back three weeks ago and sent to Paris for a reprieve, but in the middle of what was supposed to be resting, we were ordered to attack this village. My platoon is still a bit shell shocked. Last I heard, they’re still fighting on the beachhead in Anzio.”

Levi washed his hair as he listened to Eren. He found his story interesting, especially since he did not hear much news about the fighting. The French Resistance in this village had told him some, but not much about Italy.

So, the Allies were aiming to retake Italy, probably free Rome. Pushing toward Germany from the south was idiotic, with the Alps in the way and Switzerland shooting anyone who entered their territory, Allies or Axis alike. Maybe they planned to push toward France from the east. Maybe it was all a distraction, keep Hitler’s eyes on Italy and the Allies could aim for western France.

There were whispers amidst the Resistance, something big planned, and many said France would certainly be liberated before summer was over. He could only guess at what these generals were plotting in their massive war game.

Eren realized Levi was not moving, just staring at him. “Are you done?”

He looked down at his soap and cloth. “Almost. Pardon me.” He turned his back to Eren and reached down to clean a more private area.

Eren looked away. Part of him knew that was dangerous, Levi could do anything while he was not looking, yet he reasoned that the man was naked in a river. He doubted he could pull a gun out of his ass.

“Hurry!” Eren snapped peevishly.

Levi let the flowing water rinse him and dipped his head into the river one last time to make sure he got the soap all out of his hair. Finally, he climbed out of the river and returned to his clothes.

“It would be nice to do laundry. I feel like I’m putting on filth.”

“Maybe next week,” Eren said, hardly realizing he was offering far more than what many soldiers got during battle.

Levi pulled on the worn trousers and a threadbare, tawny brown shirt right over his wet skin. As he tried to smooth out his black hair with his fingers, Eren pulled a comb from his back pocket and offered it. Levi looked down at the comb in surprise.

“You would let a Jew use your own comb? I could have lice, for all you know.”

“I’ve seen plenty of Germans with lice. You look cleaner than them.”

Levi hesitated before accepting it. He ran the comb through his hair, but only enough to get the tangles out. Then he handed it back, as if this tiny exchange was a major threat to them both.

“Thank you again,” he muttered with a petulant scowl.

Eren turned back toward the village. “When we’re back, I can give you your book. I can stay down there maybe half an hour without trouble. If you wish to read it, be quick.”

All of these small services were surprising to the Jew who had known so much harshness in his life. “You are a strange man, Jäger.”

They continued to the village and straight to the castle dungeon. Underground, there was nobody. The other Jews were working, cleaning dishes, doing laundry, or scrubbing latrines.

“I should join the others in cleaning,” Levi stated.

“It can wait half an hour,” Eren said with a friendly smile. He reached around to his pack and pulled out a thick, old book. “Your Torah.”

“It’s the Tanakh, you idiot. The English call it The Old Testament.” Levi accepted it, taking the book cautiously. He turned it around, inspecting the edges, and then thumbed through it, glancing at the pages. “You kept it safe,” he whispered in awe.

“I promised I would.”

Levi practically collapsed onto his little cot, staring at the book like it was a precious treasure. He opened it and knew precisely where to go.

Eren looked down at the pages written in Hebrew. “Can you read some of it into English?”

“That may be hard,” Levi admitted. “I’m not fluent in Hebrew, I have to think it in French, and then I would have to put that into English. I know one quote, though. It’s from the Talmud, not the Tanakh, but I learned it from a rabbi in London.”

“You mentioned you lived in London. How long?”

“Eight years, off and on, late 20s and early 30s. I went there for … work.” He left that ambiguous, but Eren saw a slight darkness in his eyes. “I wasn’t really interested in Judaism before, but I met a rabbi there, and he told me this in English: ‘Whoever destroys a single life is as guilty as though he had destroyed the entire world, and whoever rescues a single life earns as much merit as though he had rescued the entire world.’”

Eren’s brow tensed at the verse.

“I’ve killed many people,” whispered Levi. “When I was a soldier, that was my duty, and I told myself I had to kill because they were direct orders. One rabbi told me it was okay, because I was killing Gentiles, and the Talmud says, ‘When a Jew murders a Gentile, there will be no death penalty.’ Still, slit enough throats and you realize there is no difference between Jew and Gentile. We all bleed, we all die, and we’re all filled with regrets right at that moment of death. Even someone with a heart of stone will eventually feel remorse.”

“I understand that much,” Eren whispered. “I don’t know how many people I’ve killed in this war. You start off telling yourself it’s okay, it’s war, it’s your duty. You grow numb. They’re just a uniform to shoot, not a person but a _thing_. It’s easy to forget, that’s a person in that uniform.” His eyes traveled over Levi. “They’re just another person, trying their best to keep living and breathing in this brutal, mad world.”

“Exactly. Now, I try to save lives. I _try_! It’s like the world is refusing me that little bit of merit. For four years, I have fought and struggled and tried to help others. They were all caught in the end. Some were murdered right in front of me,” he muttered, looking deeply pained. “Some were shipped off. I know there are camps for Jews. We hear rumors of them, of what happens in them. You die in those places! Some say it’s better to be shot in the head than to be sent to a concentration camp.”

He hugged the book to his chest and looked up at Eren.

“You take too many risks. If you aren’t careful, it will be _you_ who I’ll have to rescue, and I’m not sure if heaven would bless me or curse me for saving the life of a damn Nazi swine.”

Eren chuckled softly. “How about simply the life of another human?”

“I thought Nazis don’t consider Jews to be human.”

Eren’s laugh dampened. That was true, but he hated to think it applied to this man in front of him. “As you said, we all bleed,” he muttered. “We’re all humans. Aryans are merely a superior form of humans.”

Levi’s grayish eyes narrowed in disbelief.

“Don’t look at me like that. It’s a proven fact, doctors have confirmed it. Still, we’re of the same species, we’re human, we’re—”

Levi let out a disdainful scoff and said only a single German word. “ _Untermensch_.”

Eren stiffened up. Of course he knew that word. Under-man! It was used to describe a subhuman. He had been taught this in school, learning all about the differences between the race of Nordic German _Übermenschen_ and Jewish and Slavic _Untermenschen_. He had read a pamphlet about it not long ago.

* * *

> _Just as the night rises against the day, the light and dark are in eternal conflict. So too, is the subhuman the greatest enemy of the dominant species on earth, mankind. The subhuman is a biological creature, crafted by nature, which has hands, legs, eyes and mouth, even the semblance of a brain. Nevertheless, this terrible creature is only a partial human being._
> 
> _Although it has features similar to a human, the subhuman is lower on the spiritual and psychological scale than any animal. Inside of this creature lies wild and unrestrained passions: an incessant need to destroy, filled with the most primitive desires, chaos and cold-hearted villainy._
> 
> _A subhuman and nothing more!_
> 
> _Not all of those who appear human are in fact so. Woe to him who forgets it!_
> 
> _Mulattoes and Finn-Asian barbarians, Gypsies and black skin savages all make up this modern underworld of subhumans that is always headed by the appearance of the eternal Jew._

* * *

“How quickly you forget your schooling, _takhshet_ ,” Levi mocked wryly. “Don’t let your captain hear you utter those words about equality, or I really will be forced to do something stupid to save your life.” He looked down at the Tanakh. “I owe you at least that much for keeping _this_ safe.”

“It was nothing.”

“Yes, it was, and if you don’t see that, you truly are a fool. A German soldier in possession of a Jewish holy book? An officer chatting idly with a Jew, with what you deem to be an _Untermensch_?” He shook his head. “You’re risking a lot. I don’t like it.”

“Why do you care?” Eren asked haughtily.

Levi snapped at him, “Because I do not want to be the cause of anymore deaths!” He slammed the Tanakh shut and thrust it back to Eren. “ _Prends-le, ce putain de livre._ ”

“What?”

“I said take it! Take the damn book away from here.”

“I said you could read it for half an hour.”

“And that is a foolish decision by some damn German brat who _somehow_ became an officer in the Wehrmacht. I know you’re not that stupid or you’d be dead by now, so something is twisting your judgment.”

Eren gulped and blushed slightly.

“Whatever your reasons may be, _ouvre les yeux!_ I will not be held responsible for yet another innocent life being snuffed out by this _putain de guerre!_ I mean war. This damn, fucking, pointless war!” He thrust the book toward him again. “Take it. Burn it. Make sure no one sees you with it.”

“Burn it?” Eren exclaimed, taking hold of the Tanakh. “I thought this was precious to you, more precious than your own life.”

“ _Merde. Tu n’écoutes jamais._ ” Shit. You never listen.

Levi looked aside, and it seemed like he would not say more. Still, Eren did not leave, holding the book and looking at the worn cover with Hebrew writing. After what felt like an eternity between them, Levi spoke softly.

“Life is more precious than a book.”

Reluctantly, Eren tucked it back away into his pack. “This belonged to your mother. I can’t destroy something like that.”

“Burn it!” he bellowed. “Don’t get killed on my account. I would burn it, but if I do it down here, someone will smell the smoke, and if I do it in the open, someone will think it’s a signal to _La Résistance_. Do us both a favor and burn the damn book.”

Eren’s brow tensed, but he said nothing.

Levi shouldered his way past the young officer. “I should join the others in cleaning.” He stormed out without looking back.

Eren removed his uniform cap and scratched out his hair. “ _Ein komplizierter Mann, so viel ist sicher._ ” A complicated man, that’s for sure.

# # #

# #

#

  
_(French River Scene – Charles-François Daubingy)_

_**Untermensch**_ (Under-man or Subhuman) – first used as a racist term in America by members of the KKK, later used by the Nazi Party to mean any non-Aryan. The quote in this chapter is from the 1942 brochure _[Der Untermensch](http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/holoprelude/deruntermensch.html)_ edited by Heinrich Himmler, Reich Leader of the SS and so-called “Architect of the Holocaust.”

**Tanakh** – the Hebrew Bible. Christians call it “The Old Testament.” It consists of three parts: the Torah (or _Chumash_ when printed as a book instead of a scroll) means “Teaching,” the _Nevi’im_ or “Prophets,” and the _Ketuvim_ or “Writings.” The Hebrew Bible is separated into 24 books, and those sometimes have different names than the Christian Bible. For instance, _Genesis_ is called _Bereshit_ which means “In the beginning,” and _Psalms_ is called _Tehillim_ , which means “Praises.” There is also the Talmud, a massive collection of books covering every aspect of Jewish law; in standard print it is 6,200 pages.

Eren says he fought in Italy. **[The Battle of Anzio](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Anzio)** , starting in January 1944, was a notable conflict in the Allies’ struggle to get a foothold in continental Europe.

 **Music Nerd Time!!!** – One of the casualties of the Battle of Anzio was Lieutenant Eric Fletcher Waters, father of Pink Floyd singer Roger Waters. Roger was deeply affected by the loss, reflected in many of his songs, including _[When the Tigers Broke Free](https://youtu.be/l9b9UhFe6Eg)_ , _The Fletcher Memorial Home_ , and his father’s death was the cornerstone to Pink Floyd’s album _The Wall_. “All in all, you’re just another brick in the wall.”

 _When the Tigers Broke Free_ brings tears to many people, especially those who have lost someone to war.


	5. Blood on the Mop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is the target of a vicious attack, while Eren finds himself in the midst of a dark realization.

Levi had to admit, although he was technically a captive of the Germans, and he heard every day how much they despised Jews, his life actually was not all that bad.

He had always found the act of cleaning to be relaxing. There was something about a sterile smell, knowing he was improving a dirty environment, that made him feel good. In their village, his wife had been envied as the woman who never had to do housework. Levi would often say that he merely wanted her to put all focus on cooking the best meal possible.

He missed those days, and sometimes while scrubbing a toilet, he would let his mind drift back. He could almost hear Petra’s voice.

“ _Levi, I think the toilet is clean enough. Unless you want to eat off of it, come to the table. I made lamb chops and used those carrots from Madame Cohen._ ”

The memory was bashed away as his hair was grabbed and his head smashed against the toilet he was washing. Before Levi could react, his head was lifted and thrust down into the soapy water of the bucket he had been using. The lye burned his eyes, and the acrid smell filled his nose. He thrashed around, and suddenly his hair was yanked back up.

He heard laughter now and crude words in German. However, his eyes were blinded from the lye. He reached around, hoping to grab some kind of weapon, but his face was thrust back down. This time, at least his eyes were closed, and he had time to hold his breath. He was held there, and the seconds ticked by with his racing heart. Someone stepped on his flailing hand and crushed his fingers. He screamed, and all the air in his lungs went out. Still, he could not pull up.

Was this how it would end? Drowned in a cleaning bucket?

 _It could be worse_ , he thought. _It could be the toilet itself._

He was yanked up, and a harsh cough spewed out all the water in his mouth. The attacker let him go so suddenly, he collapsed to the side, still coughing up soapy water. The boot on his hand pulled away, and Levi tucked himself in, cradling the painful fingers.

“ _Was ist hier los?_ ” What’s going on here?

The voice boomed within the lavatory, and the attacker squawked out some answer, pointing down at Levi. He wiped his wet eyes, but they still burned from the lye. Everything was blurry as water dripped from his hair.

“ _Ah, er ist ein Querulant._ ” Ah, he is a troublemaker.

Levi was still coughing water out of his lungs when his hair was grabbed again. This time, he was yanked straight up, right off the ground, hanging by the hairs slowly being pulled out of his scalp.

“ _Dafür musst du bestraft werden._ ” For that you must be punished.

Levi was desperate to know what this soldier was saying. In his mind, he was thinking ‘Where the hell is Eren when I actually need him?’

His feet were lowered back to the ground, and he stumbled to gain his bearings. His lungs still burned from the lye he had swallowed, and his vision was not coming back yet.

“ _Er ist eine Nervensäge._ ” He’s a pain in the ass.

He heard low, vile chuckling around him, but still he could not see. Then the back of his knees were kicked, and he fell onto all fours.

“ _Wie ein Tier._ ” Like an animal. The soldier laughed, and the others joined.

Levi felt kicks to his ribs. He blinked out his burning eyes, and finally he saw the nearby mop. He made a lunge for it, but a boot came down onto his spine. Still, he managed to get the wooden handle. Blind but going by sound, he swung the broom around. It hit something, and he heard a sharp yell.

“ _Judenvieh!_ ” Jewish beast!

Levi aimed for the shouting one and landed another sharp jab with the mop handle. He heard boots to his left and swung in that direction with all of his might, feeling the vibrations of hitting something hard, bony, and by the sound of the victim, he guessed it was the face. He was fighting by pure instincts now, going off from the sounds he heard from his attackers yelling as his blunt weapon landed blow after blinded blow.

“ _Was macht ihr Idioten denn? Seine Augen sind zu._ ” What are you idiots doing? His eyes are closed.

Levi mapped out the room in his mind and listened for his attackers. The mop was like a sword, and he wielded it expertly. He hit them as they came at him. However, he did not hear one sneaking up behind him, not until a shout just a split second before fists came down onto the back of his skull.

He lost consciousness for what was probably mere seconds and woke up to the feeling of his clothes being torn from his body.

“ _Judensau,_ ” someone yelled in insult. Jewish sow!

Levi tried to struggle, but a boot hit his head. His consciousness swam again, and the blinded world around him swayed out of existence. He found himself hoisted onto his hands and knees, pants gone, aching everywhere.

“ _Schwuchtel!_ ” Faggot!

Burning pain tore through his ass. The mop handle!

Levi screamed, “ _Non! Arrêtez!_ ” No! Stop!

It rammed harder, deeper, and he shrieked as his world darkened even more.

* * *

Eren knew Levi was on latrine duty, and since he had free time he thought he would go talk to the Jew. He saw a small group just leaving the restrooms huddled together.

“We tell no one about this.”

“We should tell the captain. He broke my rib.”

“Would you really tell the captain that a Jew beat the shit out of you? We tell no one!”

“We should have killed him. He could tell on us.”

“And say what? He can’t report us, and we would be humiliated publicly if we reported him. Besides, that’s the one they’re using as a translator. We can’t kill him, but we could kill one of the others.”

“Yes, let’s find one! I feel like beating the shit out of another Jew.”

Eren could not hear most of their conversation, only that these soldiers were trying to hide something. As he walked closer, they finally noticed him, and the soldiers snapped to attention with a salute.

“ _Herr Leutnant!_ ”

“What’s going on?”

“Just leaving the latrine, _Herr Leutnant_.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed. These young men were beaten up, one was leaning oddly to the side, another had a bruise coming up on his face.

“Stay out of trouble,” he warned, and he continued on.

“Uh, _Herr Leutnant_ ,” one in the group yelled. “You shouldn’t go in there. There’s a Jew cleaning it.”

“I’m aware of that,” said Eren.

One of them whispered, “Shit, we need to get out of here.” The soldiers fled in a hurry.

Eren watched, disturbed by their behavior. Then he realized what it must mean.

“Levi,” he whispered, and he ran into the restroom.

He saw Levi on the ground in a puddle of blood. He was trying to move, but his arms kept giving out. Eren raced to his side.

“Levi!”

He looked around, blindly trying to see. “Jäger?”

“What the hell happened?”

Levi’s eyes were burned pink, his hand was swelling up from being crushed, his face was already puffing out, and his pants were saturated in blood.

“I … slipped. I got lye in my eyes. It’s nothing.”

“Like hell this is nothing!”

Just then, he got a glimpse of the mop with blood on the handle. He looked back down and saw the bleeding from Levi’s pants.

“ _Mein Gott._ ” He shivered as he realized what those fleeing soldiers must have done. “ _Ich werde sie aus dieser Welt vertreiben und ausrotten. Das schwöre ich. Jeden Einzelnen von ihnen._ ” I’ll kill them all. I swear. Every single one of them.

“ _Takhshet_ ,” Levi said weakly, looking ready to pass out. “ _Le sol_ … the floor … it needs to be cleaned.”

Eren put his hand on Levi’s head. “I will clean it. Don’t move.”

“No, I—”

“If you move around too much, you’ll spread the blood. We should get you out. Can you stand?”

Levi gave a weary sigh, but he nodded. “I can do what I must.”

It took a few minutes to slowly get Levi onto his feet, and he buried his mouth down into Eren’s uniform to mute out screams of pain. Eren hugged onto him, supporting his whole weight.

“ _Es wird alles gut._ It will be all right.”

Levi breathed laboriously, but he managed to stay on his feet. Still, Eren saw the blood seeping down his leg. Not good!

“Clean,” Levi seethed between clenched teeth. “Must be clean, or someone will get punished. I can’t … I can’t allow anyone to be punished.”

“I’ll clean it,” Eren said soothingly. “You need to stand outside and out of sight.”

He held onto Levi, walking him slowly, until they were nearly in the sunlight. Then Levi harshly pushed him aside.

“At least I can keep my dignity,” he said sharply. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

Eren knew it was more than pride. If others saw him assisting a Jew to that extent, his arms wrapped around this prisoner, he could get reprimanded.

Eren rushed back inside. He took the bloodied mop with disgust, realizing what those soldiers must have done with this. He committed their faces to memory. He was going to teach them a lesson they would not soon forget!

He cleaned the mop handle, then mopped up the blood. He tried to hurry for Levi’s sake, but he also made sure the job was thorough. If it was less than perfect, Levi or some of the other Jews could get in trouble for laziness.

Once done, he put all the supplies away and came back outside. Levi was in an alley, leaning back against the brick wall in the shadows. He heard boots coming and looked in that general direction. Still, everything was a blur.

“ _Takhshet_?”

“It’s clean, a job even my mother would have been proud of.”

Levi smiled, just for a second, before cringing. “I … can’t make it. Not like this. I can’t go that far. _Merde, ça fait mal!_ ” Damn, it hurts!

Eren looked at the alley and saw it was a good hiding place. The army had stacked boxes farther in. Eren went over and saw there was enough room between the boxes and the alley wall for a man as small as Levi to squeeze in.

“Over here.” He yanked Levi’s arm around his shoulder and pulled him along. Eren was larger and did not fit, but Levi managed to squeeze between the space. “Stay here until tonight. That was your last chore, right?”

“There is … roll-call.”

“I will take the duty of roll-call, and we’ll sneak you back down tonight. I’ll simply tell anyone who questions that I was bored and beat you up.”

Levi laughed, but the jostling pained his ribs and ass.

“Lie down. Try not to move. Did they tear you badly inside?”

“They were cowards. They could have done much worse than poke me in the ass a few times.”

By the bleeding, Eren doubted it was as simple as Levi claimed. “I can’t do much until nightfall.”

Levi nodded, wavering closer to unconsciousness. “I … owe you … again.”

Eren stretched his hand past the boxes and stroked Levi’s black hair. “You owe me nothing. Now, sleep. I will be back with food.”

Levi was disturbed by how comforting that petting hand felt. After such disgusting humiliation, he felt sobs bubbling up by the tender human touch.

“Eren,” he whispered.

He smiled to hear Levi use his first name for the very first time. His fingers continued to comb through the dark hair. “ _Jetzt geh schlafen, mein Lieber._ ”

Levi vaguely wondered what those words meant, but sleep freed him from curiosity as well as pain.

* * *

“I’m sorry for calling you out so late for a patient like this.”

“You say you found him like this?”

“Yes. His body was dumped behind an alley. We need him to translate for us, and the captain expects him to help with an interrogation the day after tomorrow.”

“I’m not sure he should be moving that soon. It was a delicate operation. I will need to check on him tomorrow.”

“Please inform me first so I can speak with him, keep him calm. We need him to be useful, not dead.”

Levi struggled out of the haze of sleep. “ _Où suis-je?_ ” Where am I?

A hand rested on his head, large and warm. “Sleep some more. You’re under medication.”

The doctor beside him sighed. “We really should get a more reliable translator.”

“Tell that to Berlin,” Eren snapped irritably. “He is what we have to use for now.”

“If we need him alive, I don’t mind, even if he is a Jew. You should get rest as well, _Herr Leutnant_. Thank you for acting as my assistant.”

“I’d rather not waste more German resources on this matter.”

“Hah! True, true. A shame we need him alive. He would have been dead by morning, otherwise.”

“Sadly, we do need him for a little bit longer. _Vielen Dank, Herr Doktor._ ” Thank you very much, sir doctor. Then Eren added sternly, “Your discretion is highly advised.”

“Understood, _Herr Leutnant_.”

Levi heard movements as the doctor left. His eyes were still blurry, but he saw a silhouette by the light of a lantern.

“Eren?”

The comforting hand was back on his hair. “There was a puddle of blood all around you when I came back, and you were not waking up. I thought you said you were not torn inside.”

“They were just weak—”

“You could have died!” he bellowed, and his voice echoed through the dungeon. Eren realized dark eyes were looking at him in the low light, so he dropped his voice to a whisper. “You required an operation to heal a tear in your colon. You must take a drink to make your stool soft while you heal. The doctor will have to keep checking on you, at least for a few days, to see how you are recovering.” Eren sighed and racked his fingers through the black hair. “ _Verdammt!_ You really are a handful.”

Levi’s eyes closed to the gentle feel of petting and the dizziness of anesthesia. “You … saved my life?”

Eren shrugged petulantly. “Something like that, I suppose.”

Levi let out a soft, bitter laugh.

“What’s funny? You almost died! Don’t laugh about that.”

“You saved my life,” he said quietly, gazing up at the ceiling. “The one thing I could not do for others, and you do it so easily for an enemy like me.”

“Do you think that was easy? I had to help him perform the operation since everyone else is asleep. I’ve been staring at your asshole for nearly an hour.”

Levi laughed again, although the movement pained him.

“Well, at least you can find humor in this,” Eren mumbled. “The doctor said your eyes are damaged from the lye, but they should heal in a day or two. He left eye drops for you to use. If you are questioned, say you did not see your attackers.”

“That’s the truth. They sneaked up behind me. My head was dunked in lye water before I had a chance to see anything.”

“Good, that will help with your story. I know who did it, though. I’ve already dealt with them.”

Levi turned his gaze over, although it was still fuzzy. “Dealt with them? How?”

“I got very high marks in school for what the English call _kickboxing_. The one whose rib you broke? I broke three more.”

Levi chortled softly, although his face showed he wanted to outright laugh. “ _Takhshet_ , you are insane.”

“That may be true,” he said, and his hand went back down, threading through Levi’s hair.

Levi glared up. “Don’t touch me.”

Eren yanked back in surprise.

“We agreed. Do what you have to in order to survive. Coddling me, fighting my battles, bringing a doctor: these things will not go well for you. Stop it, whatever it is you’re trying to do by all this. Someone will get the wrong idea about you.”

Eren looked away with a hurt expression. “Wrong idea? I don’t even know what you mean. We need you alive and able to translate.”

“Then keep me alive, but watch yourself.”

He sneered and tightened his hands into fists. “I hate this war. More and more, I’m hating all of it. Fighting an enemy, that’s one thing. Doing … _that_ , though! Disgusting! What sort of boys were those _Scheißkerle_? They must have been hated back home. Trust me, Germans do _not_ do that to people. They are … _Arschlöcher und beschissene Wichser. Verdammt_ , I’m so mad I can’t even translate!”

Levi just looked at him with weary eyes. “That anger means you are human, nothing more.”

Eren looked frustrated. “I’m not expected to be a mere human. As a German officer and an Aryan, I’m expected to be more, _Übermensch_ , a super-man.”

“You’ve made it this far,” Levi said quietly, “and you’ve obviously done well enough to gain recognition.”

Eren looked down at him. “Is that praise coming from you?”

“Shut up. Go sleep. You look like shit.”

Eren wondered what time it was. Definitely after midnight. “There is a bottle of _Rizinusöl_ under the cot and a little cup. Fill the cup to the brim and drink it before you eat in the morning. You’ll have diarrhea, but that is necessary for the first day or two.”

“What the hell is _Rizinusöl_?”

Eren searched for an English word in his head but came up with nothing. He showed him the bottle. Levi opened it, sniffed the thick oil inside, and pulled away at the smell.

“ _Huile de castor_. Castor oil. Great,” he groaned.

“He said it’ll help, at least until you heal inside.”

“Understood.” He handed the bottle back and flopped onto the bed, glaring ahead while Eren closed the bottle and set it under the cot again. Levi’s eyes slid over to the young soldier. “Thank you for rescuing me. And thanks for dealing with those pigs.”

Eren reached over and put his hand on Levi’s head. “Anything for you.”

His eyes narrowed. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

“Nothing,” Eren muttered with a distant smile.

“Shit,” he grumbled, hating the warmth in his heart. He swatted Eren’s hand away. “Get the hell out so I can fall back to sleep, _takhshet_.”

Eren stood, let himself out of the cell, and locked the door behind him. Then he strode out of the dungeon.

A tall man named Moses called over from his cell. “ _C’est un homme bon._ ” He’s a nice guy.

“ _Oui … et cela le perdra._ ” Yes … and it will be his downfall.

Levi closed his eyes, but his scalp still tingled from the gentle touches of Eren’s hand.

# # #

# #

#

**HOW HITLER CAME TO POWER**

Adolf Hitler was born in Austria but was allowed to fight with Germany during WWI. After the war, he was recruited by the Army’s Political Department (Press and News Bureau) where he developed his oratory skills. He was later appointed as an intelligence agent to infiltrate the _Deutsche Arbeiterpartei_ , or DAP (German Worker’s Party). Normally, enlisted army personnel were not allowed to join political parties, but given that he was supposed to infiltrate, he was allowed to join and attend DAP meetings. Rather than simply spy on them, Hitler embraced their views. He used the speaking skills he developed in the Press and News Bureau to give speeches in beer halls, promoting Aryan superiority and ranting against the Jews.

In 1919, his powerful way of speaking attracted the attention of one of the founders of the DAP, German playwright Dietrich Eckart. Eckart was a father figure to the DAP youths, and Hitler called him “the spiritual founder of Nazism.” Eckart believed in a _German Messiah_ who would redeem Germany after its defeat in World War I. After hearing the passion in Hitler’s speeches, Eckart began to believe he was that messianic figure.

Eckart took Hitler under his wing, became his mentor, and used his fame to introduce the young man to influential people all across Germany. In letters, Eckart encouraged Hitler to use violence as a means to an end, ranted about the evils of Jewish people in German society, and compared him to the hero of his play _Peer Gynt_ who slaughters the (bluntly obvious Jewish allegory) trolls. Much like creating a character for one of his plays, Eckart helped Hitler to sculpt his “persona.” In just two years, Hitler became the leader of the Nazi Party, taking on the title of _Führer_ (leader). Eckart died in 1923, never living to see the monster he had created.

Hitler originally opposed using the word “socialist” in their party name, yet the DAP wanted to add it to appeal to left-wing workers and voted to change their name to _Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei_. For short called their party … Nazi. Hitler’s beer hall speeches became notorious and drew massive crowds around Bavaria, where he used the political unrest to attempt a coup, failed, and was imprisoned for nine months, emerging with a book he wrote called _Mein Kampf_.

Hitler helped to set up the _Sturmabteilung_ , “Storm Troopers”, called the SA or “Brownshirts.” This paramilitary group clashed frequently throughout Germany, creating fear and a sense of social instability which Hitler used, embracing that “German Messiah” persona Eckart cultivated in him by claiming only _he_ could calm things down. It worked. In just ten years, the Nazi Party went from 100 antisemitic men to the second largest political party in Germany.

In 1932, Hitler decided to run for president, and 84-year-old Paul von Hindenburg was persuaded to run for re-election in order to stop the rising Nazi Party. Hindenburg won, but in the Reichstag (Parliament), the Nazis became the largest party, which meant future-Nazi-war-criminal Hermann Göring became President of the Reichstag. Göring used the civil unrest created by his own party to establish harsher rules for “acts of political violence.” Many Brownshirts were arrested, Hitler was their lawyer, and he got them life imprisonment rather than a death sentence. (He would later pardon them all.)

Under pressure from his advisors, Hindenburg chose Hitler as his Chancellor (like a Prime Minister). Four weeks after Hitler was sworn in, the Reichstag building was set on fire. The Nazis alleged that the arsonist was part of a Communist conspiracy to seize power, while the Communists alleged that this was a Nazi conspiracy to blame the crime on them. The court held the entire German Communist Party responsible and declared that membership itself was treason.

In response to the fire, Hitler convinced President Hindenburg to create the Reichstag Fire Decree which, in the name of “social stability,” suspended key civil liberties, including freedom of the press, freedom of expression, habeas corpus, the right of free association and public assembly, and the secrecy of the post and telephone. This was just five days before the March 1933 election. Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to suppress publications not considered “friendly” to the Nazi cause. Coupled with the court’s decision, there were massive arrests of anyone associated with communism. The day after the 1933 election, all 81 German Communist Party members who won seats in the Reichstag were arrested, as well as many Social Democrat representatives, effectively wiping out the biggest political opponent to the Nazi Party.

Less than a month later, Hitler went before the Reichstag and requested the Enabling Act. This granting the Chancellor (Hitler himself) the power to enact legislation, including laws that altered the constitution, without parliamentary consent. Using the fact that all 81 Communist members and many Social Democrats had been arrested, while other Social Democrats fled into exile to avoid arrest, Göring used his authority as President of the Reichstag to change the rules of procedure, lowered the number of votes needed, which made it easier to pass the bill. Also, Hitler took many Brownshirts with him while addressing the Reichstag, which intimidated the representatives. Although all remaining Social Democrats voted against the Enabling Act, it still passed, and the Reichstag was reduced to a powerless platform.

With Nazis rising to dominate German politics, the SA “Brownshirts” began to demand more military power. This worried the army as well as the leaders of the Nazi Party. Hitler no longer trusted the SA, preferring the racially pure and elite trained Schutzstaffel (SS), headed by Heinrich Himmler, who would later be known as “the Architect of the Holocaust.” Göring and Himmler began to make a list of SA leaders to be exterminated, bartering between themselves, handing over one member for the life of a friend. They convinced Hitler to face the SA leadership himself in order to make a swift, merciless strike, what would be called the Night of the Long Knives, purging troublemakers in the SA, anti-fascists, key members of the police and military, and any remaining political opponents. This was carried out by the SS under Himmler and the Gestapo under Göring, and resulted in around 1000 deaths. This massacre was declared to be an act of political self-defense against an impending coup, and it was applauded by both the military and President Hindenburg. Many Germans believed the propaganda that Hitler had saved Germany from chaos, while others were appalled by how easily their fellow Germans accepted such brutal bloodshed.

That summer, President Hindenburg’s health was failing. On August 1st, with his new power to create laws without a Parliament vote, Hitler passed a law allowing the Chancellor to take over the duties of the President if the President were to die in office. The next day, Hindenburg died. That same day, Hitler made the soldiers of the Wehrmacht take the “ _Führereid or Eid auf den Führer_ ,” Oath to the Leader, or the Hitler Oath, swearing allegiance “to the Leader of the German Empire and people, Adolf Hitler, supreme commander of the armed forces.” He took on the title “ _Führer und Reichskanzler_ ” (Leader and Chancellor), combining the two offices into one.

One month later, Germany held elections for the Reichstag, except that instead of being able to vote for multiple parties, voters were given a single list of candidates, all of them pro-Nazi, with a question of whether the voter approved of the list or not. Voters were threatened with severe reprisal if they didn’t vote or dared to vote no. There would not be another multi-party election in a unified Germany until 1990.

In a completely legal and—admittedly—brilliant series of political moves, Hitler seized power as both Chancellor and President, and he became the legal dictator of Germany.


	6. Weak and Filthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi feverishly tries to escape the Nazis, only to have the worst timing ever.

Shortly after the incident in the restrooms, Levi got sick despite the doctor’s help. Still, Kitz demanded that he come to the cellars where they were interrogating Annie Leonhart.

Levi was obviously feverish, his cheeks flushed, sweat beading on his forehead in spite of the chill of the cellar. Annie saw his condition as he tried to translate what Eren what saying. He often had to stop, wipe his brow, and ask Eren to repeat himself.

“Jew,” Annie said, looking right at him. “You look awful. What did they do to you?”

“You should worry about yourself. Now, answer the question.”

“I know you are working for them just to survive,” she said with empathy in her large, blue eyes. “I don’t blame you for any of this. I want you to know that. The French Resistance…”

Every German in the room leaned in as she said those words.

Kitz barked, “ _Jäger, was sagt sie?_ ” Jäger, what is she saying?

“ _Ich weiß es nicht, Herr Hauptmann. Ich muss warten._ ” I don’t know, Captain. I have to wait.

Annie continued, looking at Levi. “We wanted to help your people. We want to free France so all people can live together in peace, like we used to.”

“We never lived in peace, girl,” Levi said coldly. “Jews have never been treated well. Ever. For us, the fight against hatred was an everyday battle, no matter what language the Gentiles spoke.”

“Then that should change. I was a child when Germany invaded. I want to live in a free France once again. You deserve that too. More than I do, you deserve what they stripped from you: freedom, humanity, dignity.”

Levi flinched as she said that, and the burn in his ass reminded him of the indignity he had suffered.

“Tell them this: That letter is probably pointless by now. I was not the only courier. Because one may get caught, they sent three. I merely was the fastest, but I made it at the worst time. The other two were slow enough to avoid being caught in the crossfire. They would have taken the letters to the fled members of the Resistance. They are long gone, and that message has likely reached its target. Even if you break me, it is already too late.”

“They will beat you if I tell them that,” Levi warned.

“They beat me every night anyway. What’s the difference? This way, at least I get the pleasure of telling them…” She looked straight over to Kitz and said one of the few German phrases she knew. “ _Fick deine Mutter in den Arsch, Hurensohn_.” Fuck your mother in the ass, son of a bitch.

Levi swiftly stepped back as the captain stomped over and punched her in the face. As Kitz hit Annie over and over again, Levi told Eren precisely what she said. Looking furious at the stubbornness of this girl, Eren informed the captain. He paused, his fists clenched and red with Annie’s blood, while the girl sat there, her nose bleeding but her eyes smoldering in smug defiance.

“ _Leutnant Jäger, Sie beide können wegtreten_.” Lieutenant Jäger, you are both dismissed.

Eren gave a soft sigh, glad to leave the cold room, and Levi placidly followed. They were not even fully in the kitchen above the cellar when they heard Annie shrieking. Eren cringed in loathing, but he hurried off to escape the guilt. Then he heard something crash behind him. Eren twirled around and saw that Levi had stumbled into a rack of pots. He grabbed hold of the rack shelves, but he wavered on his feet.

“Levi!” he shouted, rushing back to him.

Three seconds later, Kitz stomped up from the cellar. “What the hell was that noise?” he bellowed. His sunken eyes looked more wild than ever.

Eren tried to get Levi up onto his shoulder. “He’s been sick.”

“If he’s sick, we should shoot him now.” He began to reach for his gun.

“The doctor saw him. He’s not contagious. It’s a blood infection.”

He sneered. “Blood? See, Jews are filthy. Their blood is a disease that has spread all over Europe. We should shoot them all. Damn Allies blowing up the rail lines! Berlin was supposed to send a real translator, but there have been strikes all across France’s rails. Berlin is desperate to figure out what this girl knows, but they don’t send me a proper translator, or a Gestapo inspector, nothing! I can’t wait for the day we don’t need these creatures in our camp. You must be far more annoyed, having to speak English so much. When we finally get a proper translator, I’ll let you exterminate that thing personally.”

“Wh-What?” Eren cried out.

Kitz’s sunken eyes narrowed. “Is there a problem, lieutenant?”

He shut his mouth and gagged back his protests. “I’m a fighter, not an executioner.”

“Executions are for humans. Think of it as like shooting a wounded dog. You’re putting it out of its misery. No, dogs are at least loyal. Jews are less than even insects.” He glared hard. “You don’t have a problem with this, do you?”

Eren stood straighter. “It will be my first Jewish kill, _Herr Hauptmann_. Thank you for the honor.”

Kitz gave an approving smile. “Good. Listen up, Jäger. Don’t ever assume Jews are human. That girl down there, she’s human. She does not beg or break. You can tell by the blueness of her eyes and shape of her nose, she’s Aryan. It’s a shame she sided with the French; she would have made an ideal German wife, if she had been born only a few hundred kilometers east. I can’t show her pity, though. Nor should we show pity to subhumans: Jews, Serbs, Russians, Blacks, Mulattos, Arabs. None of them are fully human. They just walk upright and have the ability of speech. Their brains are different from ours; skull size proves that. It’s science! So never show pity to Jews, because they don’t have the brain power to differentiate pity from weakness.”

“Is there ever an appropriate time to show pity, _Herr Hauptmann_?” the young man asked, hoping to buy Levi a little more time to rest by keeping the captain talking.

“Of course, Jäger. Show pity to elderly Aryans whose children ran away to marry a Jew, leaving their parents to grow old alone. Show pity to children who do not understand this war and why we must fight for the preservation of humankind. Sympathize for your fellow soldiers wounded fighting Russians, Americans, and British.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed at that.

“Oh, that’s right! You despise the British. Why, Jäger? I was always curious.”

“I have my reasons,” he said, bristling with hate.

“Have you ever killed a British soldier?”

“Many in Anzio, sir.”

“Then savor your first Jewish kill with the same anticipation that you had on your first British kill. Not yet, though. Keep that thing alive a little longer until we don’t need it anymore. Even if you give it medicine and let it sleep like a sick dog, that’s fine. We need its mouth, not so much that tiny, weak body. That is your duty, Jäger. Until a replacement translator arrives, keep the Jew alive, and once he’s not needed, savor your first Jewish kill.”

“ _Jawohl!_ ” He stood at attention until Kitz left back down the cellar. Once he was out of sight, Eren sank with a scowl.

“Bastard,” Levi said in a low, gravelly voice. “It sounds like he wants to shoot me.”

Eren looked over. He decided not to tell Levi that the captain expected Eren to be the one to pull the trigger one day. “He said you get to stay in bed. You don’t have to clean or do any work until you are better. He has given me authority to do whatever it takes to keep you alive.”

“Only so I can question that girl,” he stated.

Eren knew that was the sole reason. As the silence hung between them, they heard Annie cry out in pain.

“Then I hope she doesn’t break,” Levi said coldly. “As long as she holds out, I stay alive.” He straightened up and walked out of the kitchen, sickened by the screams of torture.

Eren escorted the Jew back to the dungeon. With his face flushed, Levi looked young. Only those narrow eyes showed much more experience and misery than Eren had known in under two decades. He walked with stern pride, but as soon as he was in his cell, Levi collapsed and curled his legs up. Eren saw a shiver rack through his body, and he put a hand onto Levi’s head.

“You’re burning up. I can get you medicine.”

“No,” Levi said in a hoarse protest. “The more trouble I am to everyone else, the more likely I’ll be killed rather than waste supplies. I’m grateful that I can rest, but … no drugs.”

“Then … _kalte Wadenwickel_ … cold … wrap … I can’t think of the word. Oh! I can wash you.”

Levi cracked his eyelids open and glared at him.

“It’s how my mother always took down my temperature. _Wadenwickel und Schafgarbe._ Um … _Schafgarbe_ , that’s a herb. I saw some growing around here. I could make you a tea.”

Levi’s eyes closed again. “It may be the fever making me crazy, but that actually sounds good.”

Eren perked up. “I’ll be back.” He leaped to his feet and ran up the stairs.

Levi scoffed at his enthusiasm. “Idiot forgot to lock the door.”

His feverish eyes looked at the open cell door. Eren planned to pick herbs, and he would need to get water for tea. That would take a few minutes.

He could run.

He sat up, but his head swam. He held onto the prison bars to pull himself up. The fever made his legs weak. Still … he could escape!

Part of him realized, if he left now, the other Jews may be shot, yet part of him figured that at this point it was every man for himself. Any of the others would take the chance to flee. Most of them had no survival skills and would probably die in a week, wandering lost in the forest. Levi at least knew how to survive, even in the wild.

He went slowly, dampening the sound of his shoes. He climbed up the stairs and glanced around. He walked casually yet quickly through the castle and outdoors. The guards had seen him enter and exit so many times, no one thought much of it, and no one realized his escort was not there with him.

He saw Eren outside, bent over some flowers, humming a German tune as he cut the yarrow with his utility knife. That idiot! He had looked so happy to help too. What sort of boy was he?

Levi pressed the nagging curiosity out of his mind as he walked away until he could no longer hear Eren’s humming.

He was honestly surprised at how easy it was to walk through the town. A few of the village’s residents had begun to return now, so there were soldiers as well as civilians. He blended in as just one of the townsfolk. He kept walking north, where the forest pressed up near the town. He knew the most dangerous part of this would be the stretch of road between the last town building and that forest. Anyone would see him. There was rarely traffic into the woods even when the town was bustling.

No, that way was too risky!

He aimed east instead. He could go to the river. He grabbed a stray water bucket as he walked. If anyone asked, he could say he was getting water for cleaning. The river snaked through the woods. He could head north there. It was a longer walk, but it was safer. Plus once he ran, staying near the river was wiser. If he remembered correctly, this river continued north toward Belgium. Two days walking? Maybe more, since he would have to travel cautiously.

A shame about the soldier boy. For letting a prisoner escape, Eren would get punished, maybe demoted, possibly worse. Levi’s heart ached as he thought about how Eren would suffer, after he had been so kind. Still, he had his priorities: survival! Despite the fever making him dizzy, he continued on.

He saw the river. It ran through the village, but no one collected water downstream, even before this war polluted all the rivers. So turning north to head upstream was perfectly normal. As a group of soldiers passed him on the road, he kept his eyes down, tightened the hold on his bucket, but they hardly even looked at him.

So easy!

“ _C’est une mauvaise idée. Ne faites pas ça._ ” It’s a bad idea. Don’t do it.

Levi froze at the French words spoken in a sweet voice. He looked to the left and saw a woman standing in the shadows of an alley. She was tall, her brown hair pulled back, munching on a bread roll as she watched him from the darkness.

She eyed him up and down. “ _Vous êtes l’un des Juifs, non?_ ” You are one of the Jews, no?

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “ _Oui_ ,” he answered warily.

“One of your companions escaped just an hour ago with our help. There is a search party in the forest. If you head there, they will shoot you on sight.”

“Escaped … with your help?” he asked softly.

The woman merely bit into her bread roll with an enigmatic smile, and Levi understood instantly. The French Resistance!

“We are aiming to get a girl named Annie.”

“Annie Leonhart?” he asked sharply.

The young woman lowered her bread. “You know her?”

“They are interrogating her.”

She sneered and turned her face away. “ _Merde!_ Do you know where?”

Levi described the place, what street it was on, the kitchen, and the cellar where the interrogations were always done. He explained that the room was likely not where they kept her the rest of the time. That meant the Germans were moving her between locations.

“This is wonderful news,” she whispered with a smile. “We want to get Annie out of there, if at all possible. You seem to know a lot about this.”

“They’re using me as a translator.”

“Then you can’t run away. I won’t let you! You must give Annie a message.”

“If I go back there, I lose my chance at escaping. I could be killed.”

“You look near death already,” she muttered. The woman reached into a purse, pulled out a bottle, and shook out some pills. “Here. For that fever that has your cheeks as red as apples.”

Levi took the pills and swallowed them dry. “You have my gratitude.”

“What’s your name?”

“Levi Ackerman.”

Her eyes widened. “ _Capitaine_ Ackerman?”

He hissed in a harsh whisper, “Don’t call me that!”

She broke her roll in half and handed part of it to him. “We are also aiming for your release, _mon capitaine_. France is in need of your expertise.”

Levi gratefully ate the bread, but he shook his head. “No, I’m escaping this country. I’m not fighting again.”

“You can argue that with the higher-ups. However, if the Germans are forcing you to be a translator, you pose a risk to us.”

“I know when to lie.” He looked down at the soft bread roll. “Which one of us made it?” he asked as he took another bite.

“Her name is Isabel.”

He gulped a mouthful of bread and cried out, “Isabel! I’m glad. She’s so young.”

“Young, yes, but married. Her husband is Captain Farlan Church of the Royal Air Force, and he’s been helping the _Forces françaises libres_.”

The Free France Forces! Levi had heard many stories about them. The French soldiers who managed to escape when the Nazis invaded coalesced in England and still fought for the Allies. General Charles de Gaulle was still in command over there, and they worked with the French Resistance in hopes of freeing all of their beloved homeland from the German oppressors.

“Can you return without trouble?” asked the unknown woman.

“Possibly. If the brat has not raised an alarm, it should be fine. Knowing him, he’s an idiot thinking I left to take a shit.”

She giggled at his foul language and surly attitude. “Do you know _Chanson d’automne_?”

“The poem? Of course.”

She whispered the beginning of the famous poem. “ _Les sanglots longs des violons de l’automne_. If you at all can, listen to the BBC. When you hear those three lines, it means the Allies plan to attack within two weeks. When you hear the next three lines— _Blessent mon cœur d’une langueur monotone_ —it means the Allies plan to land on French shores within forty-eight hours. I can’t give you details beyond that. If we cannot get you out of here earlier, take heart knowing the freedom of all of France is at hand.”

Levi kept silent, knowing that even if he asked questions, this Resistance fighter would not answer, not even to a fellow Frenchman.

She looked down the river’s cobbled path, seeing something that made her sit up. “I must go to make sure Isabel is safe. Please, do not tell the others she was freed by us. Say she merely ran away.”

“I understand,” he said with a nod.

“Remember to tell Annie that we will be coming for her soon, and tell her to listen for _Chanson d’automne_ on the BBC if she can. She will know what I mean.”

“And if she asks for a name?”

“Sasha,” the brunette said with a genial smile. “She knows me well. We were friends before the war started. Be safe, _Capitaine_ Ackerman. I hope to see you again soon.”

She gave him a parting kiss on the cheek, and Levi watched as Sasha slipped into the shadows of the alley. He felt proud to see his _chers compatriotes_ risking their lives to help those being threatened by the Nazis. He finished off the bread she gave him, dropped the empty water bucket, and turned back around.

Levi had been slow and cautious coming to the river. Now, he rushed to get back. If one Jew had escaped, all of them would be under tighter scrutiny.

A part of him realized they might all be punished as well. The Resistance should have aimed to get out all of them, not just one at a time. Still, he was glad young Isabel had escaped what was almost certain death.

It was only a matter of time before these Nazis got tired of them.

He got back to the castle and returned to the dungeon. Eren was sitting on a stool with the bucket of water and two towels, waiting for the patient he had intended to care for.

“Did you enjoy your walk?” he asked with a sardonic smile. Levi said nothing. “The tea is probably cold now.”

Those teal eyes were sharply on him, and Levi held his gaze. He could tell in those pale, German eyes, Eren knew this had been more than a small venture beyond his cage. Still, he said nothing, and he looked only mildly annoyed.

Eren picked up a soaked towel resting inside the bucket of water. “Remove your trousers and wrap this around your lower legs, then wrap the dry towel around that.”

Levi grimaced. “My legs?”

“Yes, below the knee. I’ll still wash the rest of you, but it’s rather chilly, and I don’t want you to get worse. Stay here until I return.” Then Eren left the dungeon, leaving the cell door wide open again. On purpose, this time.

Levi knew he could not attempt another escape. Probably, Eren warned the guards upstairs to shoot Levi if he tried to leave. Besides, the safest way was to go into the forest, but if troops were combing the woods for Isabel, he could not go there. Damn unlucky timing!

“ _Yiddisher mazel_ ,” he grumbled. Yiddish luck. Jews always had bad luck. He yanked off his shoes and began to loosen his trousers.

* * *

When Eren returned, he saw Levi in bed with the blankets pulled up. They stared at one another unflinchingly as Eren approached.

When he had first returned to see the door was open and Levi was gone, Eren realized in belated horror that he had forgotten to lock it. It was such a stupid mistake, and it showed how at ease he had become, not really thinking of Levi as a _prisoner_.

Of course Levi would use such an opportunity to escape, but he was a pragmatic man. If his attempt was certain to fail, he would simply return and wait for another chance. He was not just out to escape, but to survive. So although it was a gamble, Eren did not raise an alarm, which would lead to him getting into trouble, but instead he decided to wait. If Levi returned, they could pretend this never happened. If Levi was caught first, then he would get into trouble. If Levi really did escape, maybe Eren could convince the captain that Levi picked the lock and shift the blame to the guards outside. After all, they obviously let the Jew walk out without stopping him. In the end, the best solution was to wait and hope Levi came back to him.

So when the Jew walked down those stairs, Eren’s first reaction was intense relief. His second reaction was silent anger.

Levi _knew_ Eren would get punished if he left. He knew, and yet still…

Eren could not blame him for seeking freedom. Still, it … hurt … knowing Levi choose to escape over Eren’s well-being. He knew that was silly and selfish. Of course, Levi’s life was more important than his military career…

Eren stopped his thinking right there.

This was treasonous. Levi was a Jew, the greatest enemy to Germany. He needed to stop thinking like this.

He pulled a stool closer to Levi’s bed and set down a tiny, metal, Esbit cooking stove and a box of fuel tablets. This was all from his own supplies. The stove and fuel had been sitting in his pack since they arrived in this village, since now he had a real kitchen and Thomas cooked their meals.

He opened up the tiny stove and set it up in the center of the cell. He pulled out pale bricks of oily fuel. They stank, but they worked. In this sort of place, they would at least warm up the cell and provide some comfort to the feverishly sick man. He pulled out a box of matches and lit a fuel brick. That would give him fifteen minutes of heat, enough to take the edge off of the chilly dungeon.

The white brick lit quickly, and in under a minute it was blazing within the metal tin. Eren felt the waves of heat. More than once, he and his men had used the Esbit stoves purely to warm themselves. The fuel tablets were easy to come by, and often all they needed was fifteen minutes to heat up water for tea and a bit of soup.

He placed a steel mug above the stove, some pale color liquid with a floral smell. He let it heat up the tea he had brewed, and once that was steaming, he handed it to Levi.

The Jew sat up, inhaled the yarrow tea, and took a sip. Eren had even added in mint and sweetened it with honey. That was a shocking act of kindness, and Levi felt slightly ashamed that he had used Eren’s generosity against him in escaping. Still, a prisoner’s primary objective was to escape, no matter how kind their jailer was.

Meanwhile, Eren put the bucket of water near the tiny stove. It had been hot when he first brought it down, but it had cooled to a tepid temperature as he waited for Levi to return.

“Is the towel around your legs?” asked Eren, and Levi nodded. “Good. Pull off the blankets and remove the rest of your clothing.”

Completely silent, Levi unbuttoned his shirt, pulled it off his shoulders, and folded it neatly before setting it aside, leaving only his underwear.

“Can I keep these on, or do you wish to rob me of all dignity?” he asked wryly.

Eren dipped a small towel into the bucket of warm water. “It’s not like I want to look at it.”

Levi lay back down, staring up at the ceiling. Spiderwebs had collected up there, but it was too high for him to reach when cleaning. He briefly wondered if he could ask Eren to stretch up there and dust away the cobwebs, but he quickly decided against it.

The towel started at his feet, and Levi jolted upon feeling it. It was warm and comforting, but having someone touch him—having a _man_ touch him, and a German enemy at that—was a disturbing sensation.

“Relax. It’s just water.”

Levi kept staring straight ahead at the ceiling as he felt the cloth along his ankles and working upward toward where the cold towel was wrapped around his legs, sucking the fever out of his body.

When was the last time someone touched him in these places? When was the last time anyone had given him a sponge bath? His wife never had to since he had not gotten sick during their time being married. His childhood was uneventful, perhaps a cold or cough, but he could not remember having high fevers. Maybe early childhood, but he had only a few vague impressions of that time.

He grimaced as the cloth skipped over the wrapped calves and went up his thighs. Then as he felt water trickling between his legs, Levi flinched with a grunt of disgust.

“Ah … sorry.” Eren pulled the towel back and dunked it again into the warm water. “I … I can do your chest instead, if that’s better.”

“Shut up,” Levi grumbled. He knew why Eren sounded flustered. His body had reacted in a humiliating but natural way. He saw Eren’s eyes drift down to his underwear more than once. “I thought you said you didn’t want to look at it.”

His cheeks flamed red. “I don’t! I just … it’s … Jews get that way too, I guess.”

Levi barked out a laugh. “Idiot. We’re normal people. We react the same way anyone else would.”

“I … I guess that’s true.”

Levi felt the heat of the cloth on his chest and relaxed, feeling the tension down below loosen and fade as well. “Nazis believe Jews aren’t even human.”

Kitz Woermann had just lectured him on that. “Well, _Untermenschen_. Subhuman. So it’s like you are a slightly less evolved form of man. Like how a dachshund and a rottweiler are both dogs, just different types of dogs. Aryans and Jews are still human, just not the same kind of human.”

“I’ve heard of that theory,” he muttered.

“No, no! It’s scientifically proven. Scientists did many tests—”

“German scientists, paid by the Nazi Party, who wanted certain results. British and Americans have done the same tests and found nothing. If anything, they prove more and more that the color of skin or shape of one’s nose does not change the fact that we are all _homo sapiens_. Aryan, African, Asian, Arab, Jew: none of it changes who we are on the inside.” He glanced over to the pale boy. “It’s just skin and hair color.”

“No, scientists have proven—”

“They lied. Or do I need to get fully naked to show you that I am absolutely no different from you?”

Eren choked up and flushed again. “N-No! That’s not … I … I still believe what I was taught. I’ve seen no evidence to the contrary.”

“You’ve been too busy killing to do scientific research of your own. When this is over, I know a brilliant scientist named Hange who would love to show you all sorts of human experimentations. Watch out though, or that mad quack will make you the next test subject.”

“Where is this Hange?”

“Fled with many others when the Germans arrived. Devil knows where any of them went. Many escaped to England, Algeria, Norway, America, Canada. Lucky bastards.”

Eren hummed and looked aside. “Many German scientists and doctors ran away too. Cowards, all of them.”

Levi heard something dark in that statement, and Eren’s eyes showed that this was personal. “They likely did not agree with Nazi propaganda, this idea of racial superiority, the craving to conquer and purge Europe in some vain dream of creating Paradise, the idolatry toward Adolf Hitler, and the lengths he will go to in his quest to rule the world. If you don’t agree, why should you help? Doctors and scientists forced to do unmentionable experiments for the sake of the Nazi Party … they are not cowards for running away, but heroes for not bending their knee and staying silent out of fear or apathy.”

“They are traitors!” Eren snapped furiously.

Levi looked straight at him. “You know one,” he realized. “Was it someone close to you? A friend? No, you’re too young. A relative?”

Eren suddenly screamed, “ _Halt deine verdammte Fresse!_ ” Shut the fuck up!

Levi looked straight into those enraged eyes. Instead of pushing the matter, he gave a weary sigh, knowing he was edging Eren to a dangerous breaking point. Normally, he would be interested to see how far he could manipulate a German’s emotions, but not today, not when it felt like his forehead was on fire. He rolled around and buried his face into his pillow.

“My back could probably use some cooling off. Just don’t stab me. I’m too exhausted to die.”

Eren pulled back and dunked the towel into the water again. In the light and heat of the tiny Esbit stove, he rubbed Levi’s neck and slowly worked over the muscular shoulders and back.

“Sorry,” Eren whispered. “Yes, it was someone close. He ran away ten years ago, just after Hitler became Führer.”

“You must have been just a child.”

“I was old enough to know what he did, old enough to know he betrayed Germany.”

“No, you were young enough to have been told that by someone else, and naïve enough to believe it. There’s a big difference.”

Eren glared down at the prone back. “I don’t want to speak about this.”

“Fine.” Levi kept quiet. The warm wet cloth felt nice, and the idea of getting cleaned made him sigh.

“Is that good?” Eren asked, smiling warmly to see Levi’s face almost— _almost_ —looking happy.

“I probably stink.”

“Not as badly as Connie and Jean,” Eren said with a chuckle. His finger touched Levi’s back, right over a torn pocked pinkness of a scar. “Were you shot?”

“Yes. The bastard got one shot in before I slit his throat.”

“Did it hurt?”

Levi rolled his head over to look at him. “Have you never been shot?”

“Shrapnel, but never a bullet. Was this in French Cameroon?”

“No, Poland.”

“What were you doing in Poland?”

He paused for a moment before muttering, “Work.”

“And you got shot? What sort of work leads you to slitting a man’s throat?” Eren paused. “Or do I not want to know?”

Levi kept quiet, and Eren accepted that he would not say.

“So, you’ve been to Africa, England, and Poland. You’ve traveled a lot.”

Levi gave a wry laugh. “I’ve been to more countries than just that.”

“Have you ever been to Germany?”

“A few times.”

“Russia?”

“Briefly.”

“America?”

“No, but my cousin lives there. You sure are curious today.”

“I want to travel,” Eren sighed. “I’ve gotten to see Italy and France, but it’s not the same when you go there to kill people.”

Levi stared ahead with cold eyes. “You’re right, it’s not the same.”

“I want to see America. I once saw a Charlie Chaplin film based in Alaska. The mountains were pretty, and it looked so wild. Untouched. I remember there was a bear!”

“It was probably all filmed in California.”

“How about you? You want to leave France, right?”

“I don’t really _want_ to. I _have_ to.”

“If you could pick anywhere in the world, where would you want to live?”

“Wherever I can live in peace and not have a brat pester me with questions.”

Eren bit his lip. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Soon, Levi’s arms and back had a thin layer of water that worked well to cool him down, and the small stove was just enough warmth to keep him from shivering. Then he felt the cloth on his legs again, running down just below his worn-out underwear and toward the knees. Levi made a noise of disgust.

“Are your legs sensitive?”

“Shut up,” he snapped.

The towel pulled back. “That’s good enough. You may roll over.”

“In a minute,” Levi grumbled.

Eren looked over in confusion. Then he saw Levi slowly unclench the bed sheet, and he tried to slow his breathing. Dangerously curious, Eren ran his bare hand up Levi’s thigh, whispering playfully, “Sensitive?”

Levi let out a high squawk and spun around, knocking off the towels wrapped around his calves. His eyes were massive and alarmed by the touch, whereas Eren’s face held the mischievous grin of a naughty child. Then Eren’s eyes dropped, and sure enough, touching there had made Levi react. In belated embarrassment, Levi grabbed his blanket and yanked it over him, at least enough to hide his torso.

“ _Tu … t’es … sale petit garnement._ ”

“What does that mean?”

He struggled to think in English again. “Dirty little troublemaker. You did that just to humiliate me.”

“I did it to see if you would react.”

“Of course I would!” His face turned away with blotchy skin. “Were the men who thrust a mop up my ass not enough? Do you plan on raping me yourself?”

“Wha- … No!” Eren shouted in horror. “No, that’s not it at all.”

“Then why would you want this sort of reaction out of me?”

Eren’s mouth dropped, he tried to speak, but nothing came out. He lowered his head and turned away. “I was hoping to tease you a little, cheer you up.”

“You have a sick sense of what it means to tease another man.”

Eren flinched and looked hurt. “It was just a joke. I didn’t want it to be … _sick_. I would never do anything you thought was disgusting.” He lowered his head, feeling miserable now. “I’m sorry.”

Levi let out a sigh and relaxed out of his defensive rigidity. How could he be enraged when Eren looked like a puppy being scolded? “At any other time, I may have been merely annoyed, but … what those men did to me … your _joke_ was in bad taste.”

Those teal eyes gazed back, filled with remorse. “I didn’t think…” His shoulders slumped in regret. “You’re right. They did something horrible. Of course you wouldn’t want to be touched by another man after that. I’m sorry. This was all a bad idea.”

“No, the rest was fine. It feels good to be clean, and I feel the fever lowering. Just … my legs … they have always been sensitive. Even as a child, I could not wear _caleçon long_ … that is … um … I do not remember the English word.” He pointed to his undershorts. “Like these, but long.”

“Ah, _lange Unterhose_?”

“That’s German, you idiot. But yes, I could not wear them. Anything tight on my legs, or rubbing against them too much, I hated it.” He pulled into himself closer. “So please, do not touch my legs again.”

“I’ll remember.” Eren stood, grabbed the bucket of water with the towel floating inside, gathered up the used towels that had been wrapped around Levi’s calves, and dropped the box of fuel bars off by Levi’s bed along with a packet of matches. “Keep the flame going for a while, but blow it out immediately if anyone comes down here. I’ll need to retrieve the Esbit eventually, but you can keep yourself warm while you’re sick.” Then he walked out of the cell, and this time he made sure to lock it. “Rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He walked away, giving Levi privacy to dress.

Levi watched him go, and he stayed still until the sound of footsteps faded away. Then he sighed and relaxed. He pulled back the blanket and glanced down to the tented cotton undershorts.

“ _Putain Popaul. C’est pas le moment d’avoir la gaule._ ” Fucking dick. This is not the time to have an erection.

He slammed the blankets back down. It would go away, it always did, it was just humiliating to have a reaction like that in front of Eren, of all people.

# # #

# #

#

“ _… **there have been strikes all across France’s rails**._” These coordinated attacks on the French railway system were a strategic precursor to D-Day.

_**Kalte Wadenwickel und Schafgarbe**_ – my German translator told me that a common way to lower fevers in Germany is a _Wadenwickel_ , wrapping a cold towel around the calves with another towel around it, and I added my mother’s herbal cure for fevers, yarrow with added mint and honey to sweeten it. (Yarrow is very bitter.)

Again we hear the lines to the poem _**Chanson d’automne**_ , and Sasha explains part of the code. The first three lines meant the Allies would land within the next two weeks, and the next three lines meant 48 hours to D-Day.

**Esbit stoves** are really awesome, especially when camping. They were designed for German soldiers in WWII, but they are still made today. [You can buy them on Amazon for $10](https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B001C1UGVO/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_U_x_xM.nEbR7GCBQV). They fold up tiny to fit in your pack, they’re made of aluminum so they are lightweight, and the hexamine fuel tablets last long enough to heat up water for coffee, soup, or to warm up your emergency rations.

__

Levi and Eren again mention the Nazi concept of _**Untermenschen**_ , Subhumans. Eren’s insistence that it was “scientifically proven” is literally how biology was taught in Hitler Youth. The Nazi Party taught children that Jews, Roma, Arabs, Blacks, and “Orientals” were Subhuman, with ample amounts of faked “racial science” to support this xenophobia claim. – <https://www.ushmm.org/collections/bibliography/nazi-racial-science>

Eren talks about a **Charlie Chaplin film set in Alaska**. This was _Gold Rush_ , a 1928 silent film. Levi’s quip that “it was probably all filmed in California” was true. Most of it was filmed on a Hollywood studio lot with elaborate sets to make it look like they were in the mountains, with a few location shots in the Sierra Nevada mountain range of northern California. You can watch the movie here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8v79UCDq6I>

  
_([caleçon](https://www.lapetitepiece.fr/Calecon-troupe-France-Premiere-Guerre-Mondiale-WW1-p-1984-c-8.html), undershorts, in a style Levi would be wearing now)_

Levi mentions _**caleçon long**_ , or long johns in English. The idea to mention those came from me researching whether or not Levi would be wearing underwear in this scene, and what types existed during the war. I already had in mind that his legs would be super sensitive. Turns out, briefs were not popular until after World War II, but boxers were invented in the 1920s. Rather than elastic, they tied on the sides. Before then, people wore long, close-fitted pants: either two-piece long johns or one-piece union suits. [This was part of the standard uniform for French soldiers during the time Levi served](https://royal-dragons.fr/fiche-vente-antiquite-militaire-calecon-troupe-reglementaire-357.html), so it’s safe to assume that Levi went “commando” (no underwear) while he was a soldier.

My French translator Doublepasse had fun trying to find a way to express in French my intended meaning in that last paragraph. She discovered that French men tend to call their dicks _**P** **opaul**_ , which is like “little Paul,” sort of like how English say “dick” which is the nickname of Richard, or someone named Michael might call his own penis “Little Mikey.” Slang is weird like that.


	7. The Lost Women in Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Jews celebrate Shavuot, Levi and Eren share a cup of coffee and talk about their painful pasts.

Eren was once again by the river watching the Jews bathe. It was quieter this time. He and Levi did not speak to one another. All the men in his platoon were visibly more uneasy about this. It was now common knowledge that one Jew had escaped, and the soldier who had been in charge was found “drunk.” He swore he had not drank anything at all; he had felt dizzy, and then he woke up to discover that the Jew he was supposed to be watching as she scrubbed laundry was missing.

Eren had a bad feeling that the poor young man had been drugged. Levi said he knew nothing of it, but his attempted escape, only to return, made Eren suspicious that either Levi had something to do with it, or he realized the woman had escaped and knew his opportunity was ruined. A few questions to young soldiers placed carefully over beers revealed that Isabel had escaped long before Eren found Levi missing, so that meant he did not help her.

So then how did Levi find out before any of the regular soldiers knew? How did he know his opportunity to flee was badly timed? If he had helped her, he would have fled as well.

The only explanation Eren could come up with was that Levi met up with the person—or people—who helped the girl to escape. When Eren overheard Kitz growl that this particular Jewish woman was the wife of an Allied soldier with ties to the French Resistance, Eren saw the connection. They were in a city once controlled by the Resistance. It could be that the whole group of Jews were going to be sneaked out of France specifically to get that one woman out. When they could not have her blend in with a crowd, the Resistance sent some specialist, someone good enough to drug a German soldier and make it look like he got drunk, to get her out.

That meant the Resistance was still around. Levi was shrewd with a militant mind, so Eren was convinced he knew what was really going on.

If he had met with someone from the Resistance, did that mean he was next on their list of people to free? Would France go that far for some unimportant Jew? Or was Levi actually fairly important? He said he had been a soldier, an assassin used by the military for sensitive operations. Maybe the Free France Forces wanted him, maybe even to send him against Hitler himself. Others had tried to assassinate the Führer and failed. Did the Allies want to make a statement by sending a Jew to kill the man who had murdered so many Jews?

He did not blame his men for being on edge. He doubted any of them had figured all of this out, since he had not told anyone about Levi being a former soldier—he was positive the Jew would be executed if anyone knew—but maybe they figured out enough, that the “drunk” soldier was a victim of an attack, and that the Resistance was behind it.

Or maybe they were simply spooked by the rumors.

Something was going on, not even Eren knew the full scope, but terrorist attacks were dramatically increasing throughout France. Warehouses, munition supplies, and railroad lines were being blown up. Kitz was on a rampage about the rail lines that prevented new troops, supplies, ammunition, and the much-needed translator. Eren kept the irate captain a little happier by promising that he was learning French from Levi now. That also gave a reason to keep Levi alive. They could not kill him if Eren needed him to learn the language.

Of course, Kitz seemed to think Eren could master the language in a week, whereas the best he knew was how to conjugate a few basic verbs, plus he had memorized simple colors. Every day, Kitz shouted at Eren to learn faster, and his hand drifted to the gun holstered by his side every time he saw Levi, itching to kill him.

The women finished bathing quickly that day. Levi waited until they were out of the river and dressed before removing his clothes and wading out. Eren watched him more than the women. They were clustered and talking in a mix of French and what he guessed was Yiddish. Eren briefly wondered if he could learn Yiddish easier than French.

Of course, that was pointless. How many Jews would he meet while in France? What his platoon needed was someone fluent in the local language.

Eren did not feel the awkwardness of the first time he brought the Jews here to bathe. Maybe it was everything that had happened that week. He had even helped in an operation to repair a tear to Levi’s colon, monitoring the gas that kept Levi asleep through the procedure, and sometimes holding a utensil for the surgeon. Now, as he saw Levi’s backside, he thought darkly of that attack, how horrendous it was, how painful it must have been, how he must still be in pain.

Yet, here he was, bruises still on his body, horrifically tortured over just one week, yet looking like he was as strong as ever.

Eren had to admit, it was admirable.

Jean called out in annoyance, “ _Beeil’ dich!_ ” Hurry up!

Eren glared over at him. He felt at peace watching Levi bathe.

Levi humphed. “Is that long-faced idiot telling me to hurry?”

“Yes. He’s eager to get back.”

“Like a horse eager to return to the stables. Tell him to go take a long shit. I’ll be done by the time he wipes the crap off his ass.”

Eren burst out in a laugh. Obviously, he could not tell Jean that. “ _Er entschuldigt sich und sagt, dass er sich beeilen wird._ ” He apologizes and says he will hurry.

Jean looked satisfied, and Eren was truly glad none of his men spoke English.

Levi sighed as the water rushed past him. He wished he could just float away on this river. He wondered where it went. Probably to the sea. He could float out to the Atlantic, just float along, and maybe he would end up on American shores. He wanted to just flow along with the river…

“ _Schnell! Beeilung!_ ” Fast! Hurry!

Levi closed his eyes. He could imagine a France without Germans always barking orders, always threatening them, always sneering. He could imagine owning a peaceful vineyard, lazy days strolling the rows, checking the grapes. He liked southern France. He remembered a trip there in his youth.

“ _Was tut er?_ ” What’s he doing?

Levi opened his eyes and saw blasted stone walls that used to pen sheep. Maybe the sheep fled. Likely, they were all eaten by Germans.

This land was losing so much! Could France even be saved at this point? Could it ever return to being the land he knew and loved?

He turned and walked back to shore before he got into trouble. At least Eren was quietly watching him. Their group headed back, and Eren escorted the Jews to the castle. It was lunchtime, so they got their bowls of soup from the kitchen and settled around a table that had once been used for the castle’s servants.

Eren turned to his men. “You can eat here or elsewhere. Dismissed.”

“The soup actually smells good,” Thomas muttered, edging toward the kitchens and sniffing.

Jean glared at the table full of Jews. “It doesn’t have dog meat, does it?”

“I would say even dog meat is a good treat at this point,” Eren admitted. “Supplies are low. A train was supposed to bring more, but the Resistance blew up the rail line.”

“Damn terrorists,” Jean grumbled. He glanced over at the prisoners eating the soup. “Well, the Jews aren’t dying, so I guess it’s not poisonous. I’m starving!”

Eren went with them to get a bowl of soup. They ate in the main dining hall, a once-glamorous place, now weary from war and dirty from soldiers using the grounds.

“I hope we can stay here,” Franz sighed wistfully.

“Not me,” Jean grumbled, spooning out a massive chunk of sinewy meat. “I want to fight. I miss battle.”

They gradually finished and wandered off, back to duties, patrols, writing letters to home, or off for a smoke and chatting with other soldiers. Eren ate slowly, staring down at his pack thoughtfully.

Finally, Thomas was the last one to go after asking the person who cooked the meal about the meat. (It was horse, apparently.) After they were all gone, Eren stood and walked back over to the servant’s quarters. He heard someone speaking in another language, and as he drew closer, he realized it was not French.

* * *

מְרוֹמָם הוּא אֱלָהִין בְּקַדְמְתָא וּבַתְרָיְתָא  
צְבִי וְאִתְרָעִי בָן וּמְסַר לָן אוֹרָיְתָא

_Meromam hu Elahin bekadmah uvatraitah  
Tzevi veitrei van e umesar lan Oraytah._

God, exalted from beginning to end,  
Was pleased with us and gave us the Torah.

* * *

Levi caught sight of Eren and held his hand out. “The Tanakh,” he demanded.

Eren glanced around, but all the Germans were gone. He pulled his pack around and dug the Tanakh out from the bottom. Levi took it, opened to a page, and began to read.

The group gathered around him. Eren leaned in the doorway, listening to the flow of words. He understood none of it, but simply watching Levi brought him a sense of peace.

He remembered when his mother used to read from the Bible to him. Eren had never really paid much attention to the stories, unless they were of battles and warriors. The Gospel … not so interesting. However, the flow of his mother’s soothing voice was something he remembered even a decade later.

The Jews held their little service while Eren basically guarded them. He even left at one point to send a soldier away, so that no one disturbed the meeting. Just as the soldier turned away to obey the frivolous order, Eren heard singing from the kitchen.

* * *

“ _Hava nagila. Hava nagila.  
Hava nagila ve-nismeḥa.  
Hava neranenah. Hava neranenah.  
Hava neranenah ve-nismeḥa.  
Uru, uru aḥim!  
Uru aḥim be-lev sameaḥ.  
Uru aḥim, uru aḥim!  
Be-lev sameaḥ.”_

Let’s rejoice. Let’s rejoice.  
Let’s rejoice and be happy.  
Let’s sing. Let’s sing.  
Let’s sing and be happy.  
Awake, awake, my brothers!  
Awake my brothers with a happy heart.  
Awake my brothers, awake my brothers!  
With a happy heart.

* * *

The song was joyous and lively, and the Jews began to dance to it. Eren smiled as the Jews celebrated with song. He had never seen them do this, but they looked truly happy. The women smiled as they sang and clapped, the men shone joyfully as they danced in a circle, and even Levi’s eyes gleamed despite the neutral face he kept as he sang with reluctance.

Then Eren heard a noise outside, someone saluting a man of high rank, and he cursed quietly. He could send away common soldiers, but he had less influence over officers. He stepped into the kitchen, and the singing came to a sharp stop.

“I need to escort you below, now!”

Levi translated, and the group hurried. Eren kept an eye on the entrance as he herded the Jews down to the dungeons. Once underneath, Levi held back to stand beside Eren.

“I need to ask a favor,” he whispered. “May I keep my book?”

“It’s dangerous to do so,” Eren warned.

“Only for two days. It’s Shavuot, a holiday for us.”

“A holiday?” Eren said in surprise. “Is that why you were singing? What does it celebrate?”

“The day God gave the Torah to Moses on Mount Sinai.”

“Ah, I remember that story! _Den Zehn Gebote_.” The Ten Commandments.

“Sure, whatever. We will celebrate however we can, given the circumstances, but reading the Torah during Shavuot is important to the holiday.”

“I understand. You can probably sing down here, but try to keep it quiet.”

“It was nice to sing in the sunlight.” Levi hesitated, but then reluctantly said, “Thank you.”

Eren grinned, feeling oddly warm inside for helping. “ _Gern geschehen_.” You’re welcome.

These people were supposed to be enemies, a scourge on all of Europe, but all Eren saw was a group of people with beliefs different from his own. They read a holy book and sang, just like his mother would do for Christmas.

How different were they, really?

* * *

Eren was probably the only German there who knew this was a special holiday for Jews. The small group worked just as hard, and they were treated just as horribly. Nothing changed.

After dark, Eren would slip away and sneak down to the castle dungeon to listen to singing and to Levi reading until his voice went hoarse.

He looked down at his uniform. What was he fighting for? The glory of Germany! Why did that include exterminating people—men, women, and children—who did nothing wrong? Even if they were a subspecies of humans as German scientists claimed, why was that bad? Were not all humans evolving? If Aryans simply reached the pinnacle of human evolution first, what right did that give them to suppress the ones who developed slower? Would it not be better, more noble and civilized, to support lesser humans in their journey?

Even if they were dumb as animals, who kills a dog merely because it does not think like a man?

Eren shook his head. He did not understand the science behind _Übermensch_ and _Untermensch_. They were concepts he had been taught in school, but what did they really imply? If they were true, why was killing Jews so important? If the scientists lied, as Levi claimed … were Aryans and Jews really no different?

It was like his childhood was being turned on its head.

On the evening of the second day, after doing his cleaning chores, Levi walked up to Eren while he was smoking and talking with Armin.

“I’m returning the book.”

Armin glanced over. “ _Was ist los?_ ” What’s happening?

Eren stomped out his cigarette and told Armin, “ _Es ist nichts Wichtiges. Ich bin gleich wieder da._ ” It’s nothing important. I’ll be right back.

Eren followed Levi, but the Jew paused at the dungeon entrance.

“Let me go first,” Levi warned. “Roam around until you are certain no one is here. You were watched last time you came to the dungeon to listen to us.”

“Watched?” Eren said in shock.

“A soldier came in right after you left and shouted some things. I don’t know what, but I heard the name _Jäger_.”

“ _Verdammt_. Thank you for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”

“You better be.”

Levi went down the stairs on his own. Eren drifted off to the kitchens. There was one person there, a local chef cooking stew and looking focused on his work. Two soldiers stood near the entrance smoking and talking about some of the French ladies in town. Eren swept the perimeter but saw no signs of someone spying on him.

He slipped down to the dungeon, where Levi was waiting with the Tanakh in his hands. Eren tucked the book back into his satchel.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, adjusting things in his bag to hide the Hebrew book. “You’re allowed to eat above if you’re watched. We could share a meal. That soup smells good.”

“You could get in trouble.”

“I’ll say I’m on guard duty. Besides, our dinner is over. The soup is meant for officers with big stomachs, and they won’t come here themselves to fetch a bowl. No one will be in the kitchen but the French staff. You’re still recovering. You need something to keep up your strength.”

Levi had to admit, breakfast had been meager and a long time ago. He had eaten nothing since then, working nonstop until dusk. He gave in, and they went back up. Eren got both of them bowls of soup, and he went to a side area of the kitchen, out of sight of anyone casually looking in to see what smelled so good.

Levi dug into the soup immediately. Eren chuckled, but he felt bad for how starved the poor Jew was.

“How is your injury?”

Levi stopped, spoon in mouth, and slowly swallowed. “Healing. I’m still taking castor oil. My shit stinks because of it, and my ass hurts when I sit. I’m not shitting blood anymore, at least.”

“That’s good. I’ll try to get you more medicine, maybe something for the pain.”

“I’m fine,” Levi growled, slurping up more soup.

Eren left back to the kitchen, and a few minutes later he returned with two cups of a dark brown liquid. Levi’s eyes widened as the steaming drink was set in front of him.

“What the hell is that?”

“ _Muckefuck_.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck is _muckefuck_?”

“It’s coffee, sort of. At least, the army claims it’s a coffee substitute. I’ve never tasted _true_ coffee before, so I can’t judge it.”

Levi accepted the drink, took a sip, and nearly spit it out. “That is _not_ coffee!” He took another taste. “Still, it’s not undrinkable.”

“Coffee is known to help with … um … pooping issues.”

“Do you really think a German officer should have a cup of coffee with a Jewish prisoner?”

“It’s only _muckefuck_. It’s fake.”

“Why do you keep doing this?”

“I can say a fly was in my drink so I gave it to you. Think of it as a holiday treat.”

Levi groaned, rolled his eyes, but he still raised the cup to his lips. “If you get caught and punished, it’s not on my hands.”

Eren smiled as Levi blew on the hot coffee and took a sip. His eyes closed, and for a moment the scowl on his face relaxed. There was almost a smile.

“It’s fake shit, but it has a reminiscent taste. I can’t remember my last cup of coffee. My wife used to make it every morning.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “You’re married?”

“I was. Happily so. I loved her more than anything.”

“For how long?” It had never occurred to him that, at his age, it was common for a man like Levi to have been married with a family.

“We married in the Spring of ‘38.”

“Do you have children?”

Levi’s face flinched hard, and a scowl deeply furrowed his brow. “No, I don’t.”

Eren felt a chill in the way Levi said that, but he dared not ask. “Did you love her, or was it arranged?”

That made Levi’s scowl soften. “No, not arranged. In fact, it was a bit controversial. I was a nobody, but she … she was beautiful, strong, so stubborn,” he said, and Eren saw a rare smile ghost over his lips before fading back into dark grimness. “I thought we could start a happy life, have a nice house, some children, maybe a dog, live out a fairy tale dream of loving one another until we grew old.”

“What happened?”

“She was killed four years later by German soldiers. She told me to live on. So I do.” Levi looked down into the coffee—black, like his world had been since that day. “For years, I’ve managed to stay alive. I do whatever it takes to survive this madness. I watch as my kinsmen suffer each day for no reason besides our religion and our race. My people hide and cower in fear of torture, enslavement, death, or worse. I watch and I stay quiet when I know that speaking may result in death. I will survive this, for _her_ sake.”

Eren lowered his gaze. Levi’s age was a mystery, sometimes appearing as young as Eren himself, sometimes seeming to be much older. Still, to be that young and widowed … that was sad.

And it had been Germans who killed her!

Levi swirled his spoon into the soup as his anger sizzled out into sadness. “Do you know what it feels like to lose everything?”

“I do.” Eren’s mouth twitched against a pain in his heart. “I lost all of my family.”

“To an accident? Disease? Something mundane?”

Eren shook his head and looked straight at the Jew. “My parents were killed by Nazis.”

Levi was taken aback by the statement.

Eren reached across the table and placed his hand over those long, cold, callused fingers. “You and I are alike. Maybe that’s why I want you to survive. I’m very sorry you lost so much. If I could give it all back, I would.”

Levi looked down at the hot, rough hand placed over his. Eren also glanced down at their hands. Like this, they looked not so different from one another.

Then Levi glared up at the young soldier. “I don’t need a Nazi’s sympathy.” He yanked his hand away and dragged the soup bowl closer. He ate hunched over, as if the food might be taken away at any minute, just like how everything else in his life had been stripped from him.

“Then how about the sympathy of another human being? I know what it’s like to have someone you love killed in front of you. My mother was a _mischling_. I don’t know the English word.”

“Half-breed,” Levi said, still focused on the meal. “I’ve heard of that term.”

“ _Braunhemden_ discovered that one of my mother’s grandparents was Jewish. My father was away, so he could not defend her. Some people think, if it’s just one grandparent, that’s okay, but those men … they were out of control. They were on a mission to kill any _mischlinge_. They killed Mutter, shot her in the street. They wanted to kill me too. It was a Wehrmacht captain named Hannes who came up and protected me from the _Braunhemden_. All four of my grandparents were German and Christian, and he said that legally made me an Aryan. He took me in for a little while, got me official paperwork, an _Ahnenpaß_ , so I could prove my heritage. He had high-ranking friends, and he got me placed in a school, _Nationalpolitische Erziehungsanstalten_ , or Napola as we call it. From the time I was a child, I was raised to be a soldier, to fight alongside the same men … who killed my mother … right in front of me.”

Levi had stopped eating and was looking at him with pity. “With a past like that, why do you fight?”

Eren turned sad eyes over to him. “What choice do I have? My mother was a _mischling_. Because of her, I am suspected. Because of her, I could not join the SS like my other classmates. I was lucky even to become an officer, although I will probably never raise higher than this. Besides, my father…” His eyes narrowed. “No one knew where he went. No one still knows. But I do. If anyone ever found out, I’d probably be killed.”

“A traitor?” Levi remembered what Eren once said about scientists and doctors who left Germany at the start of the war. It all made sense now.

Eren did not answer for a long time, and when he did, his voice was soft and distant. “My father was a brilliant doctor, traveled a lot, mostly to England. He said he gave lectures there. He taught me English and talked about London, Manchester, Glasgow, Liverpool.” Eren laughed bitterly and shook his head. “I used to beg to go with him on his trips. He made England sound like a fairy tale land.”

“Some areas look that way,” Levi muttered.

“In 1935, I was ten years old, Hitler had been in power for two years, my father was gone more than he was around, and then we heard the news. Hitler repudiated the Treaty of Versailles and instituted conscription. We knew a war was coming. That same year, my father left on another trip. I never saw him again.”

“He defected?” Levi asked in shock.

“He decided to stay in England … with his _other_ wife and child.”

Levi’s mouth dropped. Now, _there_ was a family drama!

“Years after he left, I was in Napola when I received a letter written in English. The man was named Zeke Jäger, and he claimed he was my half-brother. The letter was short, just letting me know that _our father_ had died in London when a German bomb hit his office. Zeke is apparently a prominent man in the British government. His mother is British royalty. I guess their marriage was a scandal, and when Zeke was seven years old, my father had to flee England. He came to Germany, faked an identity, blended in as a doctor, met my mother, and three years later, he had me. All those years, all the times he said he was _lecturing_ in universities, he was really going back to England to see his other son.

“He died a traitor and an adulterer. He didn’t care enough to bring his German family with him, to bring his wife whom he should have known would face trouble in Germany, to bring me, his ten-year-old son. He left us for the _Braunhemden_ and Gestapo, and there _is no mercy_ in their hearts. If he had been there, it never would have happened. Mutter never would have died. If he had _been there_ …” Eren’s fists clenched. “But he wasn’t. He loved his _British_ family more than his German one,” he snarled. “So I hate the British.”

“Is that your reason to fight? Hatred?”

Hard and wild eyes met his. “A British royal whore seduced my father, and because he left us for her, Mutter died. So yes, I hate them. I want to _kill them all_.”

Levi’s eyes lowered. Eren’s childhood was destroyed because of this war. His youthful life had ended in blood and death. Now he lived the life of a soldier, and his goal was to kill. That was so sad, so tragic.

“We both lost a woman dear to us, and lost a piece of our life.”

“Yes,” Eren whispered, “but I have no hatred for Jews or the Romani. Mutter was not at fault. I know what I was taught in school, but still … how we are born shouldn’t decide whether or not we have the right to exist. It’s the choices we make. My father betrayed Germany and joined the enemy. For that, I hate him and the British with every drop of my Aryan blood. But my mother? Like she could pick who her grandparents were! She never even met the one who was Jewish. She said that person died giving birth. So how was it her fault?” He shook his head. “Aryans are strong, I firmly believe that, it’s scientifically proven.”

“Bollocks!”

Eren looked over. “Is that English?”

“Never mind.”

“Anyway, I want to be strong, as an Aryan should be. I couldn’t save her, simply because I was too small. I wanted to grow strong enough so I could make a difference. Even if it’s just a little thing.” He squeezed Levi’s fingers. “Even if it’s one man getting a cup of coffee. If I can make a difference for a single person suffering unfairly, _that_ is what makes a person an _Übermensch_. Not the blood in your veins, but the superiority of your deeds.”

Those words touched Levi deeply, but he refused to show it. He whispered, “You’re an idiot, _takhshet_. But you’re an idiot who makes good fake, shitty coffee.”

Eren gave him a boyish chuckle and sniffed away the tears of past grief. “ _Danke!_ ” Thanks! Eren looked down to his soup and tapped his spoon against the side of the bowl. “I’ve never told anyone about all that, not even friends in Napola or anyone in my platoon. Somehow…” He glanced up to Levi. “Somehow, I feel like I can tell you anything.”

Levi looked at him in awe, but forced a scowl as he looked down hard at his soup. “Don’t bore me.”

Eren chuckled at that contrary attitude, finding it adorable. They turned back to their bowls of soup, but Eren kept glancing up at Levi, struggling to hold back smiles. When Levi sensed those pale eyes on him and looked over, Eren’s gaze quickly dropped to his soup bowl while his cheeks felt hot.

Levi sighed, shook his head, and focused on finishing his food. Across the table, Eren sneaked another bashful glance up to him and silently bit his lip.

# # #

# #

#

[ ](https://vulpecula-art.tumblr.com/post/639960478673731584/i-never-want-to-draw-wehrmatch-eren-again-last)

Thank you to [Vulpecula for this gorgeous fan art](https://vulpecula-art.tumblr.com/post/639960478673731584/i-never-want-to-draw-wehrmatch-eren-again-last). The details of Eren's uniform are completely accurate, including the medals he has won (those won't be mentioned until a later chapter).

_**Muckefuck**_ – a German term for coffee substitutes. In World War II, importing coffee beans was a challenge, so alternatives were used. Muckefuck is made from barley, malt, chicory and rye. The word comes from the French _Mocca faux_ (false coffee) but English speakers find it hilarious.

_**Braunhemden**_ (“Brownshirts”) – a term for the _**Sturmabteilung**_ (SA), literally “Storm Detachment,” the original Nazi paramilitary wing. The term Brownshirt came from their uniforms. Members were mostly from the working class. By the time Hitler assumed power, membership in the SA was twenty times larger than the number of troops in the Wehrmacht (armed forces). The SA was responsible for destroying around 200 synagogues and _Kristallnacht_ (Crystal Night), where they ransacked thousands of Jewish stores and homes, leaving broken glass in the streets. As the power of the SA began to rival that of the army, and as public opinion of their thuggish brutality turned negative, Hitler ordered the leaders to be arrested and executed. By the late 1930s, the SA had lost most of its members to the SS and Wehrmacht.

_**Ahnenpaß**_ (“ancestor pass”) – a document to prove “Aryan purity,” requiring birth certificates from seven people: the individual in question, both parents, and all four grandparents. After the Nuremberg Laws were passed in 1935, an _Ariernachweis_ (“Aryan certificate”) became a requirement for German citizenship, to attend school, get married, and hold certain jobs. Some sympathetic clergy would fake these documents to help racially persecuted people. In Eren’s case, he was barely able to obtain one, as none of his grandparents were practicing Jews, but his mother had one Jewish grandparent, which made her a _**mischling**_ (half-breed).

 **Shavuot** – the Feast of Weeks, also known as Pentecost, a holiday commemorating the Jews accepting the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai, and thus coming into a covenant with God.

 _ **Akdamut Milin**_ – Eren overhears the last two lines of this Hebrew liturgical poem, or _piyyut_. This particular one is considered to be the most beloved poem in Judaism. Ashkenazi Jews read it on the first day of Shavuot.

_**[Hava Nagila](https://youtu.be/PdJH7Y56c7Y)**_ – one of the most widely recognized Jewish songs today, it was fairly new in 1944. After the Diaspora, Hebrew had fallen out of use, replaced with Arabic, Yiddish, Ladino, and other fusion languages. After the British victory in Palestine in WWI, a movement began to revive Jewish heritage, particularly their language. _Hava Nagila_ was written with simple lyrics and a catchy tune people can dance to. It gained popularity across Jewish communities in Europe and beyond. It’s sung at celebrations, weddings, and bar mitzvahs.

**Diaspora** – Because many of you have probably never seen this word, let me explain. “Diaspora” ( _dye-ASS-pour-uh_ ) means a dispersal of people from their homelands, an exodus. The Jewish Diaspora happened after the Romans destroyed the Second Temple of Jerusalem in 70 CE. Jews were forbidden from entering the city on punishment of death, the Jews in the Levant were rounded up and sold into slavery, and anyone not enslaved fled outside of Rome’s control. Over the next 1900 years, Jews would be pushed out of one area and settle in another, causing large pockets of Jewish communities to form in countries with religious tolerance.

Wherever they ended up in their exile, Jews adapted to the local customs, languages, and food, creating delicious kosher meals out of local ingredients. Those who ended up in Northern Europe and Russia became **Ashkenazi Jews** , speaking Yiddish. Those who ended up in the Iberian peninsula became **Sephardi Jews** , speaking Ladino (Judaeo-Spanish). Others went to North Africa and Southwestern Asia, becoming **Mizrahi Jews**.

Due to Russian pogroms and the Holocaust, the number of Jews in Europe plummeted. In 1900, 4 million Jews lived in Russia; today, there are only 300,000. In 1900, almost 600,000 Jews lived in Germany; by 1945, there were only 20,000 left. Before the War, Poland had been the center of Jewish culture in Europe, with 3.5 million Jews; as of this year, their population is only 3,000. Meanwhile, the Jewish population in the United States surged to 5 million during the War due to a wave of refugees, making it now second only to Israel itself in the number of Jews living within its borders.

Nazis were not the only ones who wanted to eliminate all Jews from their country. Since 1948, 900,000 Mizrahi and Sephardi Jews were deported, fled, or executed in Muslim-controlled countries. Egypt once had a 3,000-year-old Jewish community with 80,000 members. Today, there are only 16 left. Iraq had 140,000 Jews in 1948; today, there are 5. Over in Afghanistan, one Jew stubbornly remains to look after the last synagogue left in the country. Libya once had 38,000 Jews, but after the bloody reign of Gaddafi, as of 2003 … none are left.

The hate has not ended.


	8. The Weight of a Whip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kitz decides to punish the Jews after one escapes, and he declares Eren should be the one to punish Levi. Eren is trapped between committing treason against the Nazi Party or committing the sin of harming the man he has begun to care for.

Eren was once again heading to the small castle where the Jewish prisoners were kept; however, when he got down to the dungeons, he saw all the cells empty, even Levi’s. He trotted back upstairs and found a bored guard.

“Where are the Jews?” he demanded.

“ _Hauptmann_ Woermann took them out to be flogged.”

“Flogged?” snapped Eren. “Why? What did they do?”

The guard chuckled softly. “Does there need to be a reason? They’re filthy Jews. I heard it’s because one ran off, so all the rest are to be punished.”

Eren stormed out and began to ask around. It did not take long to find out the location of the captain with a small crowd around him, many of them cheering, some counting.

“What is going on?” Eren asked a soldier.

“ _Herr Leutnant!_ The captain is whipping them until they cry. We’re all taking bets. This one, though, he’s lasted through twenty lashes already and not a peep. We almost thought he was a mute, but someone said he’s being used as a translator.”

Eren felt his blood chill. He pushed his way forward, elbowing past the rowdy crowd, until he saw the center. The Jewish women had huddled together, all of them sobbing, some of them with their clothes in disorder. The men stood around them, but they were watching what was happening in the middle.

Eren saw Levi leaned over a table someone had dragged out into the street, hands tied with ropes to the edges, and his shirt removed. Kitz Woermann’s eyes were maniacal as he swung a flogger again, and Eren saw an arc of blood splatter the ground. Levi’s fists clenched and his teeth gritted, yet he made no sound at all.

“ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ” shouted Eren.

The commander looked up and grinned. “Lieutenant Jäger! Care to give him a few lashes? I think I must be out of shape.”

“You said we needed to keep him alive.”

“This won’t kill him,” Kitz said dismissively, not realizing how much blood was dripping down Levi’s back. “Come. Give him a few lashes.”

The crowd shouted, “ _Tu es! Mach schon!_ ” Do it! Come on!

Eren looked horrified, but he caught Levi looking right at him.

“Do it, _takhshet_ ,” he ordered in English.

“What are you talking about? I can’t—”

“If you have any common sense at all, you would do it, you stupid, weak Nazi!” he bellowed.

The crowd was not sure what they were saying, but when they heard this Jew yelling back at a German officer, they began to get rowdy.

“If you don’t,” Levi said quietly, “you will be tied to this table next. Do it, in earnest, and I promise to cry like this bastard wants.”

“But Levi, I—”

“ _Feigling!_ ” bellowed Levi. It was one of the few German words he knew. Coward!

Eren’s eyes widened in alarm at that rebellious insult.

Now the audience was in an uproar. Kitz did not even wait. He slapped the flogger into Eren’s hands.

“It’s all in the wrist, Jäger. Try not to let it hit you on the recoil.”

Eren realized he had no choice, not after that. He was also furious. He came here to help Levi and was trying to think of a way to get him out of this. With that shout, the Jew had called into question Eren’s authority and thus doomed himself.

“Do it, _Herr Leutnant_. Ten more lashes! Show him the strength of Aryan blood.”

Eren weighed the flogger in his hand. A cat-o-nine-tails! The tips already had blood on them. He had never whipped someone before. He had no idea how hard was too hard. He guessed, in this situation, there was no such thing as too hard. Anything weak would be viewed with derision by those around him. A quick glance at all the surrounding soldiers showed Eren that now he had to be what the Nazi Party wanted him to be. Cold. Ruthless.

“Do it,” Levi muttered.

Eren’s jaw stiffened as he shoved down his feelings and froze his heart. “Fine,” he growled at Levi.

“Speak it in German, _takhshet_ ,” he muttered, bracing himself.

Eren bellowed it for everyone to hear. “ _So sei es._ ” So be it.

The whip slapped down, but even Eren could tell it was a weak hit.

“Go, Jäger! More. In the wrist! Flick the wrist.”

Eren struck again. “ _Du bist nur eine Judensau._ ” You are merely a Jewish sow.

And again! “ _Du bist nicht mal ein Mensch._ ” You are not even human.

“ _Du bist ein Untermensch._ ” You are a subhuman.

“ _Juden sind abscheulich._ ” Jews are loathsome.

With each insult came with a strike as Eren whipped Levi again and again. He had seen punishment like this enough times. He knew what was expected, what to say and do, yet he felt disconnected from reality.

This was not his arm.

These were not his words.

“ _Du bist schmutzig._ ” You are filthy.

“ _Widerwärtig_.” Disgusting.

“ _Abstoßend_.” Repulsive.

The flogger struck wildly, and Levi sucked in air as it hit up his spine to the back of his neck. Still, Eren watched on in cold detachment.

“ _Alle Juden müssen sterben!_ ” All Jews must die!

The crowd shouted back, “ _Stirb, Judenscheiße!_ ” Die, Jewshit!

When the whip came down this time, Levi shrieked and began to go limp. “ _Putain! Arrête! Halt! Stop! Je t’en prie._ ” Fuck! Stop! I beg of you.

His voice jolted Eren. He looked down at the blood-striped back, then at his hand holding the whip.

Was this his hand? It felt numb. Disconnected.

The whip flew down again and struck Levi despite the cries of surrender.

Levi screamed, “ _Bon sang, j’ai dit arrête!_ ” For chrissake, I said stop! He panted heavily as his body sank under the pain. “ _S’il te plaît … pitié. J’ai trop mal. J’abandonne. S’il te plaît arrête!_ ” Please … pity. It hurts too much. I give up. Please just stop this!

Despite the pitifully weak cries, Eren felt his hand rise again, but someone grabbed his wrist. He looked over and saw Kitz standing beside him with a proud smile.

“Much more and you really will kill him. Good job, Jäger.” Then he shouted to the crowd, “It seems the young lieutenant managed to break the unbreakable Jew.”

The crowd cheered, still shouting vile insults at Levi.

“My duty … to my homeland … _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren replied, shaking deep inside.

“To Germany, and to all Aryans,” Kitz shouted.

“Um, yes,” he muttered.

“That’s enough entertainment for one afternoon. Take these vermin back underground where they belong. I want them out of my sight. Let them lick each other’s wounds like dogs, but I want them out cleaning the latrines again around midnight. Tell them they are to work at night now, not during the day. We shouldn’t have to subject ourselves to looking at their kind for too long.”

Soldiers untied Levi, and he slipped down to his knees. A female Jew ran to his side and helped Levi to stand. Another woman draped his shirt over the bloodied back. Pale, limping, and trailing blood, Levi trudged off in the direction of the castle.

Kitz instructed some young soldier to clean the _filthy blood_ off his flogger. As the crowd dispersed, he called out, “Jäger.”

The lieutenant paused and turned back around warily. Now what?

In a quiet, private voice, the captain reprimanded, “You hesitated. Never hesitate. It looks bad for the men, and that _thing_ in particular will see you as weak. Jews are not smart enough to save themselves from pain. You need to teach them with a heavy hand, for it’s the only one God ever showed to them. They’re too stupid, inferior creations unworthy of being called human, dumber than animals, which is why a good whipping now works.”

“I will remember that, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he answered promptly.

“Do you know why I whipped them, Jäger?”

“You are the captain. You need no reason.”

“But there was a reason. Please, try to guess.”

Eren honestly had no idea. The Jews had been working around the village for weeks. They had not complained or caused trouble, besides some grumbling in Yiddish that Levi said was just _Jewish kvetching_.

“Because one escaped?”

“That’s one reason. Name the other.”

He shrugged and shook his head. “Was it a problem with a soldier?”

“Very good. It was. And that soldier was you.”

Eren stiffened in dread. “Me? I didn’t do anything.”

“You’ve been lazy, sloppy, and far too concerned for this deplorable group. Maybe you think of them as pets you can toy with and play house, but believe me, that’s the wrong way of thinking when it comes to Jews. They are not pets. They are beasts of burden. The only reason Germans do not outright exterminate them all is that we need the manpower. There are camps, Jäger, where Jews and others go, where they work for as long as they are useful, and when they lack usefulness, they are killed. In these camps, they are routinely beaten, sleep five to a blanket, and yet they work with more vigor than most Germans. That’s what they are good at. Like a horse on a farm. No, too noble. Like worms placed in a garden to keep the soil softened. With these worms digging through the mire, the beautiful white lilies, which are Aryans, can blossom. Those camps assure that better men do not have to toil in the mud. What we have here is a microcosm of that. They work so we can grow. They work until we no longer need them, and then, we dispose of them.” Kitz slammed his hand down onto Eren’s shoulder, making him flinch. “When I discover that one of my finest young _lilies_ is working extra hard tending worms rather than blossoming, that defeats the purpose of our little _garden_.”

Eren felt the late spring air as a drip of sweat slipped down his neck, and only years of training prevented him from shaking in fear.

“You attended Hitler Youth, yes?”

“Of course, _Herr Hauptmann_. All the children in my town did.”

“And were you taught about Jews?”

“I was told that they are undesirable, dirty, a plague on Europe and the world.”

“They are also manipulative, and that one in particular is playing you like a fiddle. Do you believe what you were taught in school about Jews, Eren?”

Not _Jäger_ or _Lieutenant_. He was being schooled like a boy again, not reprimanded as an officer. He was on dangerous ground now. “They are the words of the Führer and of the Nazi Party. Of course they are true.”

“And why would you say something like that?”

“Hitler is the sort of man I aspire to become. He is the savior of Germany. Everything he has done has been to promote the greatness of Germany. No one loves Germany as much as the Führer. _Heil Hitler!_ ” he shouted bombastically.

Kitz smiled smugly. “You have a bright future ahead of you, Lieutenant Jäger.”

Eren felt slight relief that he was back to addressing him as an officer. “Thank you, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

The hand on his shoulder gripped harder, crushing into his clavicle. Eren nearly cried out in pain, but suddenly those sunken eyes were peering straight down into his face. “Don’t sully it by playing with worms.”

He struggled not to let the pain show on his face. “Thank you for the admonishment, _Herr Hauptmann_. I am honored.”

Kitz laughed softly, his hand loosened, and he patted Eren’s arm in approval. He began to walk away, shouting back, “I’m going to try to get that French girl to speak later today. Make sure the translator is conscious.”

“He will be ready for you, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“No.” He spun back around sharply. “ _You_ will be ready. That thing is a tool. Tools should always be ready to be used; otherwise, they are discarded. _You_ must be ready, and bring your tool sharpened to do the job.”

“ _Jawohl!_ ” Eren saluted and hurried off.

His shoulder now ached, and his skin felt cold after sweating in fear. It had been a long time since he felt dread like that. A long, long time!

A memory flashed through his mind, and with it a sick surge in his stomach.

* * *

“ _Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel. Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel. Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel._ ”

Shove it up your ass, fucking faggot.

Those words made Eren shiver. He shook his head, desperate to get the taunting scene out of his mind, yet he still saw it, a haunting memory, himself as a small child, two boys being punished, forcefully bent over with their butts raised, their tan uniforms dirtied with boot prints, and the air filled with the quiet sobs the two boys bravely struggled to hold back their tears.

“ _Eren. Komm schon!_ ” Eren, come on.

“ _Ich kann nicht._ ” I can’t.

“ _Sei kein Feigling._ ” Don’t be a coward.

“ _Komm, mach schon!_ ” Come on, do it!

“ _Bist du einer von ihnen?_ ” Are you one of them?

One of the boys looked back, and in those silent blue eyes lined with tears, he could tell the boy was telling him to go ahead and obey the teacher.

“ _So sei es_.” So be it. Young Eren also raised his foot above the two beaten boys and in a loud voice screamed that taunting phrase. “ _Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel._ ”

As his boot came down, there was a crunch of bones, and the memory shattered with the distant echoes of a scream.

* * *

“Eren Jäger?”

He jolted out of the memory with a gasp as reality crashed back down on him. He saw one of the Jews standing in front of him.

“Ah. Moses, _ja_?”

“ _Oui_. Levi … sorry, my English no good. Help Levi. _Il a besoin de médicaments._ ”

“Medic- … ah!” He needed medication. Obviously, Levi needed some healing. Eren began to turn, but he stopped. The admonishment from Kitz still rang in his head, along with that old memory. “Blood … _sang_ … _beaucoup_?” Blood. Lots?

“ _Oui. Il saigne beaucoup._ ”

Eren did not fully understand, but it was enough. Levi’s bleeding was severe. He needed medical equipment, bandages, and disinfectant. There was no way Eren could take supplies like that meant for soldiers and give it to a Jewish prisoner.

“ _Verdammt!_ ” He stomped the ground with that curse. “ _Pour Levi … dire lui…_ ” To Levi, tell him…

Eren had to think. This message had to be given in English—it was the only way—and it needed to be short enough for this man to memorize.

“I’ll try. I can’t promise when.” Eren gave the man a hand signal showing him to repeat it.

“Ail … dry.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’ll try?”

“I can’t promise when.”

“I … cunt … praw miz … ven.”

“Close enough. Tell Levi: I’ll try. I can’t promise when.”

“ _Je vais lui dire. Merci!_ ” I will tell him that. Thank you! Moses ran off with a loping gait back to the castle.

Eren removed his cap and ran his hand through his hair. “You were right, you crazy Jew. I’m going to get into trouble because of you. _Verdammt!_ ”

He marched as fast as he could without attracting attention and went straight back to the house his group had taken over. Most of them were gone, but Thomas was playing a card game with Armin.

“Hello, Eren!” Armin beamed happily.

Eren paused and looked at the small man. Obviously, these two had not been at the whipping, so they looked as relaxed and cheerful as ever, unlike the cold detachment Eren still felt.

“ _Obergefreiter_ Arlelt.”

Armin stiffened at being addressed as a lance corporal and not in the relaxed, friendly camaraderie their platoon had formed.

“You know some medicine, yes?”

“Enough for minor battle wounds. Why?”

“The captain took it upon himself to beat that Jewish translator half to death and then ordered me to have him conscious by this evening. I doubt I can get medical supplies, so I’m going to use my own. Since I want to minimize wasting my own supplies, would you help me?”

“Of course,” Armin said instantly. “I don’t want you to get into trouble with the captain.”

Eren was glad it was Armin there. He was a good kid. He looked not even old enough to have finished school, scrawny but brilliant. He would have served Germany better sitting in a room planning battles, not in the trenches firing a rifle.

Once Eren had his medical kit, they left together. However, he saw Armin grab his own medical kit. Knowing this young soldier, he would rather use up his rations so his lieutenant was not short, rather than let Eren do what he had been ordered to do.

They went to the castle and down into the dungeon. Armin glanced around with distaste. The smell was worse than it had been the first day, despite Levi’s obsession with cleaning his cell. In fact, his was the only one that gleamed.

Levi was lying face-down on his cot. Someone had a bucket of water and was dabbing the bleeding lashes with a rag. The group of Jews moved away in a hurry as Eren and Armin entered the prison cell.

Armin cringed as he saw the shredded flesh on Levi’s back. “ _Das ist schrecklich_.” That’s awful.

Eren agreed but felt pressured not to say anything. Instead, he sat by the Jew’s side. “Levi, are you awake?” he asked in English.

“Unfortunately,” he muttered. “I only _wish_ I could pass out. _Ça fait mal, putain!_ ” It fucking hurts!

“I brought medication.” He pulled out a clear bottle of disinfecting Spirictus. “It will hurt. A lot,” he warned. “I’m sorry.”

Steely eyes shot up to him. “Never say those words to me again in any language, _takhshet_. Never.” He smothered his face down into his pillow rags. “Do what you have to.”

Levi gave some orders in French to his companions. The tall man named Moses pulled off his belt and put it between Levi’s teeth for him to bite on the leather. Eren poured the Spirictus onto a gauze.

He remembered in Italy, getting hit with shrapnel and Armin disinfecting the cut with this ethanol solution. He knew Levi was going to be in agony. Still, without it, the wounds would get infected, especially wearing unwashed clothes.

Eren started at the worst lash, where the skin had split apart and blood dripped. Steadying his hand, he dabbed on the alcohol. Levi pulled, and Moses held him down. A scream of agony was muted through the leather belt.

Armin noted, “ _Die Wunde muss genäht werden._ ” That wound must be sutured.

“ _Könntest du das tun? Ich bin nicht gut im Wunden nähen._ ” Can you do that? I am not good at stitching wounds.

“ _Gieße mehr Spiritus drauf. Wasche die Wunde. Ich kann sagen, dass ich versehentlich meine Phiole zerbrochen habe, also verwende alles._ ” Pour on more Spirictus. Wash the wound. I can say I accidentally shattered my vial, so use it all.

Eren nodded and poured the alcohol directly onto the gash. Three people were now holding Levi down as he cried out into the pillow.

“We need to stitch this,” Eren said in English.

“ _Quoi?_ ” Levi growled, unable to think through the pain.

“Stitch. Um … suture?”

“Suture,” Levi groaned with a nod. That word, he knew in French. “ _Merde, ça va faire mal._ ” Shit, this is going to hurt.

Armin pulled out a suture kit, setting up the needle holder, forceps, scissors, and carefully opening a box full of glass vials, each containing a needle and thread inside a solution of alcohol.

“ _Eren, desinfiziere die Wunde in der Nähe der Hüfte._ ” Eren, disinfect the gash near his hip.

Eren saw him preparing the tiny hooked needle. “ _Warte!_ ” Hold on! He reached around to a flask on his belt and pulled it out. He put a hand on Levi’s head. “Levi, drink this. Drink all of it.”

He pulled the belt out from between his teeth, sniffed the metal flask, and yanked back.

“You’ll need it. Drink!” He pressed the flask to Levi’s lips and tipped the bottle, not giving him any chance to argue. Rather than protest, Levi eagerly drank the strong alcohol. Eren kept the flask tipping slowly upward until there was nothing left.

Levi growled as he licked his lips. “First time I can get drunk in four years, and it’s on German shit.” He put the belt back between his teeth and settled back on his stomach. “Do it. Don’t worry about it being pretty. Just be quick so it does not hurt as long.”

Armin looked up, needle prepared for the procedure. “ _Wir könnten ihm Morphin geben._ ” We could give him Morphine.

“ _Nein, wir können keine Medikamente für einen Juden verschwenden._ ” No, we can’t waste medication on a Jew.

“Eren!”

“ _Wir können es nicht!_ ” We can’t do it!

Armin kept his mouth closed. He saw rage on Eren’s face, but he heard grief in his voice. “ _Warne ihn._ ” Warn him.

“Levi, don’t move.”

Levi nodded in understanding. Armin brought the tiny needle down, pulled the edge of the gash skin up with the forceps, and Levi let out a groan of pain. As the needle hovered above the wound, the tension in the room felt ready to shatter.

“ _Verzeihung_ ,” Armin whispered in apology, then he pressed the needle down into the torn flesh.

Pardon? Eren was slightly surprised—and immensely relieved—to see that Armin would apologize to Levi, despite him being a Jew, and in such a formal way too. He knew he made the right call asking this man, of all the soldiers in his platoon, to come with him.

On Levi’s part, he handled the pain well, or maybe he was simply overwhelmed and could not register any extra pain. A few shouts, clenching of his hands and gritting onto the leather belt between his teeth, but he hardly flinched as the needle pierced in again and again. Eren thought about the bath in the river, those scars on this man’s body, some of them now covered with new wounds and blood. Had Levi been stitched up before? That was highly likely.

Armin said softly, “ _Er ist ohnmächtig geworden._ ” He passed out.

Eren also realized the body under him had gone silent, and he was glad. At least now they could work without Levi being in pain. While Armin stitched the gash, Eren got to work on disinfecting the other wounds.

* * *

That evening, Levi managed to walk to the cellar where the French Resistance girl Annie was being interrogated. He translated for the Germans, saying precisely what Eren told him, repeating without filtering every foul curse the girl said in reply. His eyes did not change from their cold expression as the teenage girl was struck, as Kitz Woermann kicked her fragile legs over and over until the shins were dripping with blood, and even when one fingernail was ripped off.

Despite all of this, Annie did not reveal anything. She passed out, and the captain decided to halt things for the night.

“Jäger, good job getting the Jew back up. See how passive he is? That’s all it takes, a beating from time to time, and these things turn into the docile animals they’re meant to be.”

“It’s as you say, sir,” Eren said with cold eyes.

“You hate the British, yes? Treat these Jews the way you would treat a Tommy, for they are a far more dangerous enemy. At least we can contain the British to their little island, but Jews are like rats: invasive, spreading the disease of their subhuman blood and greedy instincts. Even the one who ran off, she could breed a dozen new rats in her miserable lifetime. Just one escapes, and you have an infestation. Remember that, Jäger. As much as you hate the British, despise the Jews even more. Despise them like rats.” Then he walked out looking smug with his little lesson.

Eren turned sharply and marched out, barely waiting for Levi. The Jew followed as quickly as he could, but he was visibly in pain. Still, Eren did not offer to go slower or ask him if he was all right. He said nothing the whole journey to the dungeon, where he curtly locked Levi back into his cell.

“You are excused from cleaning for the night, but tomorrow do not expect mercy,” Eren said, and he sternly turned to go.

“ _Takhshet_ ,” Levi called out. “Are you all right?”

Eren spun back around, his face grim as he snapped, “You shouldn’t care about someone like me.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t,” he agreed, “yet I do.” His eyes lowered, hating to see the self-loathing in Eren’s eyes. “You did what you had to.”

“Yeah!” he laughed bitterly. “You made sure of that, calling me a coward, goading me into it.”

“If I hadn’t forced you, do you have any idea what they would’ve done to you?”

Eren screamed, “Why do you care what happens to me?”

Levi had no answer. Their eyes lingered, and he could tell that Eren was on the brink of crying, only barely holding back.

“Because,” Levi whispered, but he still struggled to find the answer “Because, for whatever shitty reason, whatever sick twist of fate … I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t want them to get their claws in you. I would rather my back get ripped up than see you get ripped apart by those vultures.”

“Why?” Eren asked again, and he took a step back toward the prison cell. “Why do you care?”

“Maybe because I see a lot of myself in you,” Levi whispered, “and I don’t want you to turn out how I did. You don’t deserve this. Any of it! You hate yourself right now—I can see it—and that means they haven’t gotten to you yet.”

“But why … why would you…”

“Right back at you! Why are _you_ like this?” he shouted. “I wouldn’t have to do shit like this if you didn’t try to play the hero all the time. Why the hell do you give a damn about me?”

Eren slammed his mouth shut. “I have my reasons.”

“And I have mine!” he snapped. “Now, get the hell out of here. If you’re going to cry like a little boy who misses his daddy, go do it somewhere else.”

“Fuck you!” Eren screamed, and he stormed away. His boots came to a shape stop right on the first step up the staircase. His shoulders shivered and his voice shook in rage, only barely holding back tears, as he muttered, “You probably hate me now.”

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t a little,” Levi confessed, “but I also know you had no choice. If you had done that because you _chose_ to, I would truly hate you. Instead, you’re still a good kid forced to do a bad thing. It was my choice that you did it, and it was on my terms. I’ll live with that decision.”

Eren turned around again, and his lower lip quivered. “I still don’t understand _why_.”

Levi let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t get it either,” he admitted softly. “Why do you want to help me?”

Eren’s eyes dropped to the ground. “Be- … Because … I … I…” He fled, stomping up the staircase, running away from the question.

Levi stared ahead with hard eyes that had a sort of deadness. The pain was only barely tolerable, and it took all of his focus to stay on his feet through those hours of interrogation. Annie had noticed and even asked if he was okay. He had merely replied that she should worry about her own life, not his.

No one should worry about his life.

He had survived this long watching out primarily for himself. He had let friends and fellow Jews die so that he would not gain the sort of attention that could get him killed along with them.

Why had he been so stubborn with the whipping? He could have sobbed after five lashes and saved himself. Instead, knowing the others were about to get whipped, seeing the women savagely stripped of their blouses, hearing their shrieks, watching the mob of Germans laughing and mocking them, he had hoped his naturally high pain tolerance would save the rest from facing the lash. It worked too. More than half of their group escaped punishment.

He had only surrendered his pride because he knew this young man should not be turned into a monster like the others. He withstood enough to make Eren look good, enough until he figured out how a flogger really worked, but ended it at ten lashes.

Levi could have withstood more, but he did not want Eren to lose his humanity. Surrounded by violence and hatred, it was a miracle the young man had gone this long without succumbing to darkness.

No, maybe not a miracle. There was the tiny soldier, the one with medical knowledge. Levi could tell that he was also one of the good men who just happened to be on the wrong side of the war.

Maybe Eren simply had the right friends. He hoped so! A soldier needed friends like that to keep sane and humane through the Hell on Earth called WAR.

# # #

# #

#

There is historical precedence for the German Wehrmacht using **cat-o-nine-tail whips** as a form of punishment, including some being discovered in German trenches, presumably used to keep shell-shocked soldiers in line. Longtime fans of my stories know that I have a fascination with whips and own many different types, but this time I'm showing how brutal they can be when used purely for punishment.

_**Spiritus**_ , or rectified spirits, is a highly concentrated ethanol alcohol. It was part of a medical kit for German soldiers. Burns like hell! But it disinfects.

In World War II field medical kits, the **suture needle and thread** (made of either silk or catgut) were kept in a tiny glass vial, sometimes filled with alcohol to ensure sterilization. Pictured above are real Wehrmacht suture needles in their original vials.


	9. Rake the Coals Hotter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie’s torture reaches a conclusion, Levi finally opens up about what happened to his wife, while Eren is left in an existential crisis.

They were again in the freezing cellar, and Annie Leonhart looked nothing like the proud young woman she had been the first day. She shivered from a cold bath where she had been nearly drowned over and over again. Eren had half hoped she would just swallow the water and put an end to this. At times, it appeared like she tried. Then she would be yanked up and hit until the water vomited back out.

She shook now, starved, beaten ruthlessly, her blond hair still wet. Eren knew this girl went through worse—probably _far_ worse—outside of the official interrogations with Levi present. There were cuts on her he never saw happen, she was now missing three fingernails although Eren only witnessed the removal of one, and she had hollow eyes as some of the surrounding men laughed crudely.

“Who was your contact here?” Kitz asked yet again, the same questions over and over.

Annie shook from the chill, her lips blue as she stared ahead blankly.

“Jäger, tell the girl that she will not be killed. There is a camp outside of Paris. Drancy.”

Even though he was speaking in German, that name made Annie look up in terror.

“It is under the direct control of the Gestapo.” Kitz leaned in close to her pale blue eyes. “If you are afraid of me, the men there are worse. Far worse! If they don’t simply rape and execute you, you will be sent to a different camp, one for troublemakers like you. Auschwitz, maybe? Ravensbrück if you are lucky. You will likely die, but it will not be quick. It will be slow, excruciating, and humiliating. You will not even be recognizable as a human before your skin rots off your body and you are tossed out for birds to feast on what little remains of your flesh.”

Annie dropped her head and gazed down with massive eyes.

Kitz smiled to see the broken soul. “Translate it, and make sure she knows what I’m saying.”

Eren took a slow breath, then said the entire thing to Levi. The Jew looked down at the girl with pity, but he told her the words. Then he added in a little extra since he knew the Germans would have no clue what he was saying.

Levi looked at her with imploring eyes. _“Vous avez bien fait, chère petite._ ” You have done well, dear girl. “Your friends escaped a long time ago. Even if you confess, these pigs can do nothing. If you speak now, you will not be betraying them. I will tell your family you were brave and honorable to the end.”

She looked up at him, and her eyes showed she had enough.

“Sasha,” she said softly. “If you escape, find the woman by that name and the surname Braus. Do not say those two names together. Do not tell them that name.”

“I won’t,” Levi promised. “I think I met her some days ago. I honestly forgot about the encounter since I was feverish, but she gave me that name and said to tell you … _Chanson d’automne_. She said you would know what that means.”

“Yes.” She smiled in relief. “They got the news, then. I’m glad. She was my destination here, her and Historia. They can get you and your people out of this country. Now please, let me die with true honor as a daughter of France.”

“You don’t need to.”

She shook her head in anguish. “Do you really think they’ll let me live? If I speak everything I know, I’ll be shot. If I do not speak, I’ll be deported to one of those German camps where no one returns. I’m dead either way, but if I don’t speak, this Nazi swine doesn’t get the satisfaction of breaking me.”

“Sasha said they were going to get you out.”

“How long ago did you meet her?”

“About a week ago. Just hold out a little longer.”

Kitz bellowed, “ _Worüber reden die da?_ ” What are they talking about?

Eren sighed in frustration at his impatience. “ _Ich weiß es nicht. Ich muss warten._ ” I don’t know. I need to wait.

“A week?” Annie muttered. “If Sasha hasn’t acted yet, they must be planning to free me while I’m being sent out. I just need to get deported so they can break me free.” She looked over at Kitz and spat at him. The captain took a step back in disgust. “Tell him I bet the dog his mother fucked to produce a creature as ugly as him wasn’t even willing to stick its dick into a diseased whore like her.”

Levi chuckled at the creative vulgarity. “I doubt this German translator will say all that to his commander.”

Her pale eyes flicked to Eren. “He’s a good man. He’s helping you, isn’t he?”

“He tries. I’m still alive thanks to him.”

“You were injured last time. I saw how furious he was at his captain, although he hid it well. I hope he can help you to escape.”

Levi smirked privately. “I’m not planning on waiting for his help. If I have to slit his throat, I will.”

“I think he would rather help you. You’re lucky.”

Kitz barked, “ _Hör auf zu plappern. Ihr beide braucht zu lange. Was sagen sie?_ ” Stop yapping. You two are taking too long. What are they saying?

Eren shouted back, “ _Ich hab dir schon gesagt, ich weiß nicht._ ” I’ve already told you, I don’t know.

Annie lamented, “A shame this kind soldier won’t translate it all. I want that German swine to know I think he’s hideously ugly.”

“ _Hässlich_. I know at least that word.”

Annie grinned ferally up at Kitz. “ _Du … bist … hässlich._ ”

He slapped her hard across the face, and her jaw hung oddly. She struggled not to cry, but she looked up to Levi. “Tell them I’m ready for death. They’ll give up and deport me. Just make sure you never mention that woman’s name. And survive this! Until our people can get you out, keep doing what you have to do to survive.”

He nodded, seeing the strength of this teenage girl. Then he looked over to Eren.

“That took a while,” Eren said irritably.

“She’s given up.”

Eren’s mouth dropped, and he looked down at Annie in protest.

“I tried to convince her to confess. I couldn’t. She’s ready for death. Her words were: I’m dead either way, but if I don’t speak, this Nazi swine does not get the satisfaction of breaking me.”

“Annie,” Eren said, but he knew he could not protest too much. All eyes were on him and Levi now, even hers. However, in her eyes he saw pity. Why would she pity him when she was the one about to be sent away and tortured in unspeakable ways?

“She also says to tell your captain that she thinks his mother is a whore who raped a dog in order to create such an ugly son of a bitch.”

Eren could hardly help it. He burst into laughter. By Annie’s smile, he realized she really did want him to say that. “Does she honestly think I can tell my captain that?”

“No,” Levi admitted, “but the fact that you’re laughing means you agree with us.”

He coughed as he struggled to hold back the smile. Still, the audacity of this young woman astounded him. “Tell her I hope she is sent to Ravensbrück. It’s an all-female camp. She may actually survive there.” Then Eren looked over to the captain and began to tell him everything, leaving out the part about his mother.

Levi turned back to Annie. “He says he hopes you survive in Ravensbrück.”

“Then they’ll deport me. Good. Sasha can pay me back for that time I saved her ass in Reims.” She looked over to Eren again as he was arguing with the captain. “He’s a good man. Cute too. Make sure he doesn’t get killed for his sympathies. They’re dangerous in this war.”

“I’ve already warned him about that. You try to stay alive as well.”

She smiled placidly. “Don’t worry about me. I know how to surv-…”

A blast deafened them all for a few seconds, and Levi watched in shock as the girl’s head seemed to explode in a mix of red and chunky pink.

“ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ” Eren cried out in horror.

Kitz lowered his gun. “The railroads were bombed. We can’t just throw her onto a train and send her all the way to Paris, and do you know how much fuel we would waste to drive her in a truck? It’s better spent filling a German tank, not giving some terrorist a joyride through the countryside. Plus, there are still Resistance scum around. She could escape. At least now we don’t even need to feed her. Have the Jews clean up the mess and bury her. Or eat her, if they’re still complaining about not having enough food. I don’t care anymore. Damn partisans! Well, it was fun while it lasted.” He holstered his gun and stomped to the exit. “You’re finally acting like a true German officer, Lieutenant Jäger. Don’t ruin your future with the weakness of pity.”

Eren stayed quiet until all the soldiers filed out of the cellar. Once the sound of their boots faded away, he snarled under his breath, “ _Scheißkerl!_ ”

The curse snapped Levi out of his daze. He saw the murderous hate in the young man’s eyes.

“Eren,” he said quietly.

He jolted at hearing Levi using his first name.

“You need to watch that temper of yours and where your loyalties lie. She warned that as well. Those were her last words, to tell you to beware of your sympathies since they’re a danger in this war.”

Eren looked down at Annie’s slumped body and the puddle of blood slowly spreading under the chair. “Her last words were that?”

“She’s right too. You’re not a mere pawn in this game, but you’re certainly not a knight. They could dispose of you as easily as they disposed of her.”

Eren kept gazing at the young girl. “I’m an officer. They wouldn’t dare.”

“Of course they would, especially if they think you’re sympathizing with the enemy.”

“France is not our enemy!” Eren shouted in vehement protest.

Levi cocked his head at the young man. “And what of the Resistance? What of Jews? Are we your enemies? Because trust me, _takhshet_ … you are mine!”

Eren’s mouth dropped in astonishment, but Levi stormed out of the cellar, stomping up the staircase. Eren was left staring into nothingness. Levi’s words were a hot brand searing his heart, yet a part of his brain echoed a quote.

> “ _Staatsbürger kann nur sein, wer Volksgenosse ist. Volksgenosse kann nur sein, wer deutschen Blutes ist. Kein Jude kann daher Volksgenosse sein._ ” Only a citizen can be a citizen. Only people who are of German blood can be a comrade. No Jew can therefore be a comrade.

Hitler had said those words, and Eren had been brought up believing Hitler was the greatest man in the world, Germany’s savior, their prophet! He had to be right … _had to be!_ Jews were the greatest threat in the world, the natural enemy of humans. It would be repugnant for an Aryan to befriend a filthy Jew.

Eren sighed as he looked down at Annie’s body. Maybe three or four years younger than him … a teenager. So young!

“Was I your enemy?” he asked her. “I suppose I was. You’re a terrorist. You want to see the downfall of Germany.”

He reached forward and touched the golden hair. Although oily from neglect and damp from the icy baths, it was very soft.

“We were on the wrong side of fate. In another lifetime, we could have been friends. Same with that guy. He’s nothing but trouble, but I still feel like, if we had been born in another century, we could have been close. This twentieth century has been nothing but war and disease, since before I was born. It’s like the whole world just wants to slaughter one another. I guess your country was like that last century, with your revolution. And America was like that the century before. Next century, who knows what countries will be shooting each other. Maybe all of them will have guns pointed at one another. Maybe it never changes. Only the dead see the end of war, and the living do what we must in order to survive a little longer.” He let out a sigh and stroked her cheek slowly getting cold. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Warum entschuldigen Sie sich?_ ” Why are you apologizing?

Eren jolted and saw Jean slumped at the doorway, glaring with his arms folded.

“I don’t speak English,” he admitted casually, “but I know a few words. Why apologize to someone who wants to kill Germans and drive us out of France?”

“Maybe because this is France and not Germany,” Eren answered, and he looked down at the dead girl again. “Maybe we don’t belong here.”

Jean marched in and went right up to Eren. “With all due respect, _Herr Leutnant_ …”

He slapped Eren so hard across the face, the crack echoed through the chilly cellar. Eren’s jaw was knocked to the side, and he stayed turned in surprise. None of his soldiers had ever dared to slap him. In fact, that may have been the first face slap in his life.

Jean’s eyes were hard, but his jaw trembled with the rage he bottled down. “If you ever speak like that again, I will report you for treason. My cousin died conquering France. A lot of good Germans died. France is ours by right of combat. Yet we were lenient, maybe too much so. We even let them keep their own government. We could have just called everything from the Rhine to the Atlantic _Germany_ and be done with the idea of _armistices_. They took advantage of our kindness. This woman,” he shouted, pointing down to the slumped body, “took advantage of the kindness of Germany.”

Eren shook his head. “She was a child—”

“She was an enemy, Jäger! She was too stubborn to accept that _we won_. Just as she lost her life, soon France itself will lose its autonomy. First we’ll destroy England, then we’ll force the Vichy cowards in the south to surrender or die. The Führer will not show mercy a second time.” Jean leaned up into his face. “Don’t you ever sympathize with the enemy again.” His voice lowered. “Please, Eren,” he said more informally, and his eyes saddened. “Please don’t put me into that situation. I would hate to be known as the man who turned in his commanding officer. You are our leader. You got us through battles, through Anzio. We _rely_ on you! We can’t have you be weak.”

Eren stood there, taking those words of criticism. A part of him knew he deserved it. He really had felt sorry for Annie’s youth, and he pitied Levi’s situation. Levi had been the first to warn him, then Kitz, even Annie had expressed her worries about him, and now his right-hand man was warning him. Mercy would only weaken him.

Another part of him knew that Annie should have been sent to a camp, where she would be kept as a prisoner. Maybe a quick death was more merciful, but in a camp she would have had at least a chance of surviving.

And Levi…

He knew what he had been taught all of his life, but that did not change the fact that he wanted Levi to get away from this madness. They were so close to the Belgian border. If he could let him escape without facing execution for himself … but that was crazy and, as Jean pointed out, treasonous.

“You’re right, and I apologize,” Eren said softly. He turned away from the dead girl. “This war is changing me, Jean. It used to be so simple.”

He patted Eren on the back. “War is never simple; you were just a simpleton.”

Eren glared at him, and Jean laughed at the scowl on his face. Slowly, Eren cracked a smile.

“See, this is how it should be,” Eren sighed. “The two of us joking together, like when we were in Paris. Come on! I need to get away from this,” he said, looking down at the bloody mess. “And I need a strong drink.”

“Oh, Connie found beer! We’ll drink and sing some of the old songs.”

They left together, and Eren saw Levi standing at the top of the cellar stairs. He almost forgot about the little Jewish man.

“Ah, I need to lock him up.”

“You should give him a few beatings first,” Jean suggested, glaring at the man.

“He translated well for us, and the wounds from the whipping I gave him are still raw. I’d rather he be useful than dead. Get the beer, and invite Reiner’s new platoon. We’ll celebrate together.”

Jean smiled and slapped him on the back again. “Do you remember the lyrics to _Mein Regiment, mein Heimatland_? I expect you to sing it solo. Especially the line, _My name is Anne Marie_.”

“You’re an ass, Jean,” he laughed. “But let’s sing that one. Let’s sing all the songs we used to.”

“Songs of home! _Das Vaterland, Deutschland!_ ” The Fatherland, Germany.

Eren agreed heartily, “ _Es lebe Deutschland!_ ” Long live Germany! He turned and motioned Levi to follow him. They walked together to the stairs that led to the castle dungeons. Down there, alone, Levi finally spoke.

“What will be done with Annie’s body?”

Eren was not exactly sure. It was up to him, and the captain had only said to get rid of it. “The other Jews will be ordered to remove her and clean up.”

“Bury her, please.”

Eren looked over in surprise.

“She deserves that much. Plus a body lying out in the sun will smell and spread disease. Give her a burial.”

“If the other Jews are willing to dig a grave, I will allow it.”

“Tell them it was my request.”

“All right. I’ll try to tell them, if they understand me.”

Levi looked slightly appeased by the promise. “She fought for French land. She deserves to be buried in French soil.”

“That’s an odd thing to say,” Eren noted.

“Is it really that odd?” asked Levi. “Would you not like to know that your body will be sent back to Germany for a proper burial? Or maybe you’d like a grave here in France with a nice view of the countryside? That can be arranged.”

Eren suddenly slammed Levi against some iron bars and held him pinned to the prison cell. “Are you threatening me?” he seethed.

Levi flinched and slowly opened his eyes. “I’m questioning how loyal you are to your country. I’m questioning if you’ll show the same respect for loyalty toward someone else.”

“She was a terrorist—”

“She was a child!” Levi shouted back.

Eren grabbed a handful of black hair and dragged Levi the rest of the way to the cell. He unlocked the door and threw the Jew inside. The iron door slammed shut, and he locked it.

“She was a member of the Resistance, a political enemy.”

“Am I your enemy?” Levi challenged.

Eren hesitated on answering.

“This is what I mean!” Levi screamed. “You should have answered with an instant _Yes._ You are a German soldier. Act like one! Or else you will be shot in the head just like her.”

“Why do you care?” sneered Eren.

For a moment, Levi looked stunned by the question, the same one that stumped him last time they argued. Why did he care? He had said it was because he saw a lot of his former self in Eren, but why would that even matter? He was a Nazi! Levi stared at Eren, and the young soldier felt his heart skip at the depth of those fierce eyes.

_Why does this Jew want me to act cold and heartless? To live? Why does he care?_

“If it were not for you, I would be dead,” Levi said softly. “I need you to stay alive. Even if it means I will suffer, at least I will live. I hate relying on a Nazi, but I’m not stupid. I know you are my only means of surviving long enough.”

“Long enough for what?” Eren asked coldly.

Levi smirked. “The first goal of a prisoner is to escape. As I said, I’m not stupid; don’t think I won’t bolt if I see an opening. I’ve tried before, and I promise you, I will try again.”

Eren pulled out his gun and aimed between the prison bars. “Then maybe I should shoot you now. We don’t need you to translate anymore.” Levi just stared straight into his eyes. Eren watched, slowly feeling disconcerted by the steady gaze. “You never flinch,” he noted.

“When you’ve seen what I have, a little boy pointing a gun at you with no intent to kill is not exactly scary.”

Eren stowed his gun away. “What have you seen? You mentioned you were a soldier long ago, and you were captured by Germans before.”

“My wife was murdered right in front of my eyes, her pregnant belly sliced open, and then they slit the throat of my unborn child.”

Eren froze and felt his skin chill. Levi had mentioned that he was married, and that his wife died, but not how, and nothing about a child. The emotional impact that must have had on Levi had never truly struck Eren before. I did now.

“That’s…” It was horrific. Just imagining it was gruesome. “Was she killed because she was a Jew?”

“No,” he said softly. “She was a Christian.”

* * *

_“Petra! No! She’s not Jewish. I swear, she’s not Jewish!”_

_“Levi. It’s okay. Be strong. Live, no matter the price. I love you—”_

_**BANG!** _

* * *

He jolted out of the memory. “They killed her because she was pregnant. They said the baby would have been Jewish. They didn’t understand. For Jews, heritage is passed on by the mother. If the mother is Jewish, the baby is Jewish; if the mother is a Gentile, the baby is not Jewish, even if the father is. That baby … would not have been Jewish. Not by our customs. Still, they killed her, shot her right in front of me. Then they sliced open her belly, yanked out the baby within, showed me what would have been my son, and slit his throat before he could take his first breath.”

“ _Mein Gott_ ,” Eren whispered in horror as a prickly chill ran up his arms.

“They killed all the older women, small children, and anyone not suited for hard labor. Then on that day, to me and all the men, they made sure none of us would ever have children again.”

Eren’s eyes widened. “They…” He could hardly help but glance down at Levi’s trousers.

“Obviously, it’s still there,” he said gruffly. “It was … surgical. Minor, but damning, and hurt like hell. No anesthesia, of course. They sited to us a German law.”

“I know of it,” he whispered. _Gesetz zur Verhütung erbkranken Nachwuchses_. Law for the Prevention of Genetically Diseased Offspring. In short, compulsory sterilization.

“Petra was my rock, my strength. She could have left me, moved back in with her parents, been safe, but no. Not her. She stayed by my side as we hid from Germans. We were on the run for two years, and she kept our hopes up. She even broke me out of an internment camp once. When she discovered that she was pregnant, I begged her to go back to her parents, but she was so stubborn. She said that war is not forever, and our child would grow up in a world of peace. She kept assuring me … it would be okay, it was only temporary, this evil that had invaded our land would go away.” His eyes flashed up in rage at Eren. “She would say, ‘Evil cannot thrive on French soil.’ Yet here we are, two years after her death, and you German swine have not withered away and _died_.”

Eren could say nothing against him. Of course Levi would hate Nazis after experiencing something that brutal.

“I lost my wife, my baby, and lost my ability to ever have children. I almost didn’t want to escape that time. How could I go on alone? What was the use of living on without her … without _my wife_?” he whispered in anguish. “What purpose is life without love, and what purpose is love if not to raise a family?”

“Love comes in all forms and happens for many reasons. Not all of those result in children.” Eren’s eyes dropped sadly. “To never have children … I’ve said it before: you and I are alike.”

“You’re sterile?” Levi asked in confusion.

Eren laughed. “Who knows? But I know, I will never have children of my own.”

“You don’t know that. You may survive this war, find a girl, settle down.”

“No,” he whispered. “That fate is not for me. I do hope for love one day, though,” he whispered, and he hesitated before looking up to Levi. “If wanting you to survive, if caring about you, if seeing people as human as opposed to countries or religions, if that is a _weakness_ … no one ever said I was strong. My men believe I’m courageous, a chosen warrior destined to win battles.” He shook his head sadly. “I’m just a boy doing the best I can in this crazy world, trying to stay alive, hoping there’s something better at the end of this nightmare.”

“Then be safe,” Levi urged. “Just as I had to watch that girl being tortured, a girl who is a fellow Frenchman, so you may have to watch horrible things and do absolutely nothing.” Levi stepped up to the prison bars and glared through. “If you ever see me getting beaten again, either whipped or clubbed or even tortured by the Gestapo, do nothing. If you fight against this madness, you’ll be killed, and so would I.” He reached through the bars and placed a hand on Eren’s arm. “Let’s both try to get out of this, but let’s not drag one another down.”

Eren looked down at the hand. It was the first time Levi had willingly touched him. Slowly, he placed his hand over the Jew’s and felt the warmth of his skin. They were not that much different after all.

He suddenly swatted Levi’s hand away and pushed him back. Levi stared in shock, but Eren smiled.

“Then don’t touch me, filthy Jewish swine,” he said with a mocking, playful smile.

Levi’s eternally grim face finally cracked the smallest smirk. “Go fuck a dog, _takhshet_.”

Eren laughed as he turned and left the dungeon.

Levi sat back on his cot, wincing slightly from the pain that he still felt from time to time in his ass, and muttered to himself, “That boy … I hope he survives.”

* * *

Eren used hand gestures and broken bits of French to explain what the Jews needed to do. When they were brought down to the cellar and saw the dead girl, his chaotic orders made sense. Two men pulled Annie out of the cellar and found a sheet to wrap her in while others got to work cleaning up the blood-stained floor.

Eren followed the Jews carrying the dead body. They went out of the town and toward the woods to where the ground had been disturbed with other graves for the dead who had been found after the bombing of the town. Eren had provided two shovels for them, and two of the large men began to dig while they others recited something solemn. It sounded like a prayer for the dead.

They lowered her, bloody sheet and all, into a grave barely deep enough to cover her. Eren walked up to the grave. While waiting for the pit to be dug, he had idly picked a few wildflowers from the surrounding field. He looked down at the wrapped body.

“ _Erde zu Erde, Asche zu Asche, Staub zu Staub._ ” Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Then he tossed the flowers into the grave and watched them scatter on the body.

One of the men came up to Eren and placed a hand on his shoulder. “ _Merci_ ,” he whispered.

Eren just nodded in silent reply. As they shoveled the dirt over the body, the men began to sing.

_Jeune fille sans voix, toi qui a tu tes peines,  
Tu n’as jamais pleuré, pas même quand des larmes,  
Telles des rivières, ont sillonné tes joues.  
Jeune fille sans voix, te voici désormais  
Et pour toujours réduite au silence éternel._

Young girl without a voice, you who has hushed up your sorrows,  
You have never cried, not even when tears,  
Such rivers, have cut furrows over your cheeks.  
Young girl without a voice, you are now  
And for ever reduced to eternal silence.

Eren did not understand the song. Still, the words were melancholy, and he knew they were singing it to a fellow Frenchman. He watched as the body slowly vanished away with the clods of dirt. Eren was not very religious, but he still crossed himself.

“ _Ruhe in Frieden._ ” Rest in peace.

He waited until the grave was filled in. One had gathered a few stones from around the field and placed them over the dirt. He had enough stones to spell out her initials. A.L. Annie Leonhart.

Eren turned and walked away, sensing more than watching the Jews following him. They returned the shovels to a supply barn, and Eren left the Jews after that to go about with their normal chores.

As he walked through the village streets, Levi’s words echoed in his mind.

> _She fought for French land. She deserves to be buried in French soil._

So many deaths in this war! It was a miracle that all of Europe was not turned into a massive cemetery.

> _My wife was murdered right in front of my eyes, her pregnant belly sliced open, and then they slit the throat of my unborn child._

A different voice suddenly screamed in his memories.

> _Not my son! He is Aryan. Hannes! Please, don’t let them take Eren. He at least is Aryan._

Eren paused and held onto a wall as the world went dizzy. The screams of his mother haunted him some days, but never as strongly as now.

“ _Mutter_ ,” he whispered, seeing her face in those final horrifying moments.

He shook his head angrily, banishing the past. His shoulders straightened, he tugged on his uniform cap, and Eren continued on his way, marching through the town mingled with German troops and French villagers.

He hated being around civilians. They were at war. Soldiers should focus on the enemy.

He almost bumped into a blond girl. She pulled back, hugging a basket of bread to her chest. “ _Ah! Excusez-moi._ ” She looked up at Eren and grinned amiable. “ _Entschuldigung, Herr Soldat!_ ” Excuse me, mister soldier!

His eyes widened. “ _Moment mal, Fräulein._ ” Hold up, miss. Eren swung his arm out before she could slip past him and vanish into the crowd. He whispered in astonishment, “ _Sprechen Sie Deutsch?_ ” Do you speak German?

She looked alarmed. “Ah! Um … _Ich kann ein bisschen Deutsch._ ” I know some German.

A tremble went through Eren. If the Germans found out there was someone who spoke French _and_ German without the need to communicate through English, Levi’s usefulness vanished.

“ _Lassen Sie es niemanden wissen._ ” Do not let anyone know.

The small lady looked terrified by his harsh face. “ _Pourquoi…? Warum?_ ” Why?

Eren pulled back, seeing that he was scaring her. “ _Sie brauchen einen Übersetzer um die Mitglieder des Französischen Widerstand zu verhören. Sie könnten Sie verletzen, um Siezum Kooperieren zu bringen. Verstehen Sie mich?_ ” They need a translator to interrogate members of the French Resistance. They might hurt you to get you to cooperate. Do you understand me?

By her shaking, the young lady did understand him, and such a threat visibly terrified her.

“ _Tuen Sie so, als ob Sie kein Deutsch können. Sprechen Sie es niemals. Antworten Sie nie jemanden, der es spricht._ ” Act like you cannot speak German. Never speak it. Never answer someone speaking it.

She kept her mouth closed.

“ _Sag mir, wie ist Ihr Name?_ ” Tell me, what is your name?

She began to open her mouth, but quickly slammed it shut.

“ _Sehr gut! Très bien!_ ” Eren praised her in both German and French. She had quickly realized that his question was a trick. So he asked one of the few French sentences he knew: “ _Quel est votre nom?_ ” What is your name?

“Krista,” she answered, blushing under his teal eyes.

“ _Faites attention, Krista._ ” Be careful, Krista.

“ _Merci_ ,” she whispered. “ _Ah! Quel est votre nom?_ ”

“ _Mon nom est Leutnant Jäger._ ” My name is Lieutenant Jäger.

She tried the German name on her lips. “Jäger?”

He smiled, feeling strangely at ease although he was running out of French words he knew. “ _Appelez-moi Eren._ ” Call me Eren.

“Eren Jäger,” she said, and he saw her committing his name to memory. She suddenly handed him a bread roll. “ _Tenez, c’est pour vous, mangez-le._ ” Here, it’s for you, eat it.

Not fully understanding, he asked in German, “ _Essen?_ ” Eat?

She nodded, not resorting to speaking German, just as he warned her.

“ _Merci, Krista_ ,” he thanked, and Eren went on his way.

He bit into the bread and found it was fresh. Likely, she had just picked it up from the town’s bakery. Eren was amazed that the people of this town were returning home and resuming their lives so swiftly despite the overwhelming German presence. Despite the shadows of war, life had to go on.

By the time he finished the roll, Eren was at the house they had commandeered. Even before he opened the door, he heard the music ringing out through the streets.

_Im Wald, im grünen Walde,  
_ _Da steht ein Försterhaus,  
_ _Im Wald, im grünen Walde,  
_ _Da steht ein Försterhaus,  
_ _Da schauet jeden Morgen,  
_ _So frisch und frei von Sorgen,  
_ _Des Försters Töchterlein heraus,  
_ _Des Försters Töchterlein heraus,  
_ _Ta-ra-la-la, ta-ra-la-la,  
_ _Ta-ra-la-la, ta-ra-la-la,  
_ _Des Försters Töchterlein ganz frisch heraus,  
_ _Ta-ra-la-la, ta-ra-la-la,  
_ _Ta-ra-la-la, ta-ra-la-la,  
_ _Des Försters Töchterlein heraus._

Eren let out a sigh. A party, and after the sort of day he just had! The last thing he wanted was to celebrate, but he had to put on a mask, to pretend like the death of some terrorist did not upset him, to pretend he was a perfectly normal German soldier. He had worn this mask his entire adult life. He knew the drill.

He entered and saw that the party had already started, including his entire platoon, even the grunts, along with Reiner’s newly formed platoon and a few officers who happened to hear about it. Of course, no one would tell an officer to leave, even if they were just there for the beer and singing.

 _Lore, Lore, Lore, Lore,  
_ _Schön sind die Mädchen  
_ _Von siebzehn, achtzehn Jahr.  
_ _Lore, Lore, Lore, Lore,  
_ _Schöne Mädchen gibt es überall;  
_ _Und kommt der Frühling in das Tal,  
_ _Grüß mir die Lore noch einmal, ade, ade, ade.  
_ _Und kommt der Frühling in das Tal,  
_ _Grüß mir die Lore noch einmal, ade, ade, ade._

As the song ended, they cheered and clinked their steins together.

“The lieutenant’s here!” Connie yelled, his face already flushed. At his shout, hands grabbed Eren and yanked him toward the center. “We have to sing something good for him. _Mein Regiment, mein Heimatland._ ”

Jean laughed boisterously. “I told Eren he has to sing it solo.”

Eren chuckled as he accepted a stein of beer from someone. “ _Fahr zur Hölle._ ” Go to hell. “I’ll sing it if someone else sings with me.”

Franz pouted. “I don’t know this one.”

“How can you not know it?” shouted Thomas.

“I’m not from Germany, remember?” Franz said with a shrug. “I’m Czech.”

“We’re all Germans tonight,” Eren declared, and he raised his stein. He began to sing a German war song. “ _Mein Regiment, mein Heimatland_ …” My regiment, my homeland.

Armin joined in. “ _Meine Mutter habe ich nicht gekannt._ ” My mother I did not know.

Connie joined in with harmony. “ _Mein Vater starb schon früh im Feld, früh im Feld…_ ” My father died early in the field, early in the field.

Reiner gave a rare grin as he sang too. “ _Ich steh’ allein auf dieser Welt._ ” I stand alone in this world.

Bertholdt sang boldly, “ _Mein Vater starb schon früh im Feld, früh im Feld…_ ”

Then Jean chimed in along with Eren, the two singing side by side, “ _Ich steh’ allein auf dieser Welt._ ”

All the Germans in the room knew the chorus line, and they sang raucously, arms around shoulders, mugs of beer and bottles of wine swaying to the rowdy tune.

“ _Mein Nam’ ist Annemarie,  
Ein jeder kennt mich schon,  
Ich bin ja die Tochter  
Vom ganzen Batallion!  
Mein Nam’ ist Annemarie,  
Ein jeder kennt mich schon,  
Ich bin ja die Tochter  
Vom ganzen Batallion!_”

My name is Anne Marie,  
Everyone knows me already,  
I am the daughter  
From the whole battalion!

They sang all the verses, danced through the chorus, and ended with laughter.

“The new one! The new one!” Armin cheered. “That song from the movie, _Quax der Bruchpilot_ I think it was called. I saw it back in Berlin. _Heimat deine Sterne_. That song makes me want to cry.”

Eren laughed. “I don’t have the voice for that one. Reiner?”

He meant to call out the stern blond as a joke, but Reiner stood and began to sing the sweeping ballad in a sonorous tenor that awed them all.

_Heimat, deine Sterne,  
Sie strahlen mir auch am fernen Ort.  
Was sie sagen, deute ich ja so gerne  
als der Liebe zärtliches Losungswort.  
Schöne Abendstunde,  
der Himmel ist wie ein Diamant.  
Tausend Sterne stehen in weiter Runde,  
von der Liebsten freundlich mir zugesandt.  
In der Ferne träum’ ich vom Heimatland._

Homeland, thy stars,  
they also shine for me at a distant place.  
What they say, I gladly interpret  
as the love’s tender password.  
Beautiful evening hour,  
the sky is like a diamond.  
Thousands of stars are in a wide circle,  
sent from my sweetheart in love.  
In the distance I’m dreaming of the homeland.

“Dear God, he can sing!” Jean said in amazement.

“Quite well,” Connie agreed with a dropped jaw.

Bertholdt looked almost enamored. “Teach me that song,” he cried out.

Reiner sat down, but he had a slight blush to his cheeks he could not blame solely on the beer.

So they passed the night singing and drinking, talking of home, the women they left behind, and falling asleep to dreams of peace with no clue that the worst of this war was still ahead of them.

# # #

# #

#

The French funeral song was a collaboration between Rhov Anion, Marie Camille, and Chris Jestin-Thoraval.

The German songs are actual folk songs popular among German troops in WWII.

“ _Im Wald, im grünen Walde”_

“ _Mein Regiment, mein Heimatland”_

“ _Heimat, deine Sterne”_

* * *

## BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

[REDACTED DUE TO AO3 RULES] Sadly, if future readers want to know what that announcement was, the best I can do is [point you to my website](http://shadowstrider.net/). It's super exciting news for me (it's writing related), but I am not allowed to mention it here. (I got in trouble.) - [http://shadowstrider.net](http://shadowstrider.net/)


	10. Overlord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 6th of June, 1944, was an ordinary Tuesday for Eren, until it became one of the most historically important days in Western civilization.

It was the sixth of June, and nothing seemed different about this day compared to the day before. Eren looked at a calendar his group had been using in their cozy house. A Tuesday. He had never liked Tuesdays for some reason.

Armin walked up to him drinking some _muckefuck_ coffee. “There’s a lot of chatter on the radio. Sounds like something happened on the coast.”

“There’s always something happening somewhere in this world,” Eren muttered to himself. “You’re probably right, though. The captain called for a meeting of the officers.”

Armin handed over a cup. “Drink up, then. Who knows how long the meeting will go!”

Eren nodded in thanks and took a deep drink of the _muckefuck_. “I never thanked you for helping out that one time with the Jew.”

Armin held up his hand. “There’s nothing to thank. I did what I wanted to do.” He began to lift his own coffee mug but paused. “May I speak freely, _H_ _err_ _Leutnant_?”

“If you think I shouldn’t care so much about the Jews, I’ve heard enough on this matter from everyone else,” he said in annoyance, not forgetting being reprimanded by Jean Kirschtein, of all people.

“No,” he whispered. “Do you … ever…” He looked around the room sharply and listened, but there was a card game going on in another room that had everyone’s attention. “…pity them?”

Eren jolted and looked down at the small soldier.

“I mean, I know what I was taught and all, but … have you ever seen a Jew from Israel? Like, one born there, a true Native Jewish man?”

“I doubt it. I’ve seen a few Black men, but I never saw an actual Jew at all until the war began.”

“I met one once. He had been born in Nazareth, just like Jesus.”

“Jesus was born in Bethlehem.”

“Right. Well, raised in Nazareth. Anyway, that man and these Jews, they look _nothing_ alike. I often wondered about that when I was taught in school about the Jewish race. European Jews and Palestinian Jews … it’s like they’re not the same race at all. So then I have to wonder, what are these European Jews? Where did they come from? Do they really even have the same religious beliefs, or is it like Protestants and Catholics, little differences? If we’re supposed to see the _Jewish Race_ as inferior, does that mean Jews from the Middle East, or Jews who have lived in Europe for centuries? What if they are pure Aryan, but their ancestors converted to that religion a hundred years ago? How can a _religion_ make someone racially inferior? And in the end, aren’t we all sons and daughters of Adam and Eve? Even if some evolved quicker, we’re all the same at our roots, and if some evolved more, that means Adam and Eve weren’t fully evolved, they were not truly perfect, which goes against the Bible. God made Adam and Eve perfect, which means all who descended from them have that divine perfection as a starting point. I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just can’t accept it, and I know I never will, no matter how loudly you yell at me. God created animals, and then he created humans. Abraham, Isaac, and Israel all descended from Adam and Eve, so Jews are definitely humans. Just because God created one person with black skin, one with yellow skin, one with white skin, we’re all still human. Jews were God’s chosen people, they descend straight back to Noah and Adam, maybe more directly related than Aryans or anyone. Jesus was a Jew, and there’s no way you can convince me that he was less superior to even the purest Aryan. So how … how are Jews subhuman? How was Jesus, the Son of God, a subhuman Jew? Or for that matter—”

Eren placed his hand on Armin’s shoulder. “Enough,” he whispered. “I don’t think you’re wrong, but speaking of this aloud is dangerous.”

“Do you think I’m right, then?”

He thought about Levi’s words. “I’ve spent my life preparing to be a soldier, studying about war, not about science or biology. You have a brilliant mind, Armin, far smarter than I’ll ever be. I think if someone can disprove what German scientists have been saying, it’s you. But later. We’re at war, and there are friends and enemies in a war. If we make friends with our enemies, we end up being traitors.”

His voice stayed quiet. “I don’t think the Jews should be our enemies. I think treating them like slaves is wrong. Killing them just for believing a different religion is wrong.”

“Then it’s a good thing we soldiers only have to kill British and American soldiers, and not Jews.”

“We’re still expected to.”

“I will never ask you to shoot a Jew, Armin. I promise.” He began to turn to the door.

“Would _you_?” he shouted out, but the small soldier cringed back as those sharp, teal eyes gazed down in surprise. “Kill one, I mean.”

Warily, he answered, “If I was ordered to.”

“But if it wasn’t an order, and you just found one. If you had been alone that day and found those Jews hiding there, if Jean wasn’t right there with you, if you weren’t pressured by anything else and could have made the call alone, would you have shot them, or simply let them escape?”

Eren held back on answering, although he already knew the truth. If it had been just him, if Jean had not followed him into the house, if he had opened that closet door, saw the huddled group, and had the choice to look the other way, pretend he saw no one, and call the house as empty…

He could not answer out loud, but the answer was clear in the regret darkening his eyes. He silently pulled on his cap and marched out the door, leaving Armin with a tiny smile as he realized that this war had not yet thrashed the humanity out of Eren.

Armin’s question rang through his ears. If it had just been him that day, he would have protected Levi’s group, if possible. At the very least, he would have let them continue hiding. Maybe they could have escaped on their own during the night, a quick dash into the forest under the cover of darkness. The Belgian border was not that far away. Levi probably could have kept them alive in the woods.

However, if he had been alone that day, if Levi’s group could have escaped, he never would have gotten to know the tiny Jewish man. He would have continued blindly believing all he had been taught. Now, he was starting to question everything.

“Jäger!”

Eren paused and saw Reiner trotting up to him. “ _Guten morgen, Untersturmführer Braun_. Congratulations on the new platoon.”

“ _Guten morgen._ I’m glad we finally got new recruits, what with all the bombings of the rail lines. Shame none speak French. I bet you can’t wait to shoot that damn Jew.”

Eren’s jaw tightened. Reiner was often called _the ideal Aryan_ , and Eren saw why. Not just his blond hair, light blue eyes, and bullish build, but even his way of thinking was a perfect model of Nazi education.

“Do you know what this meeting is about?” Eren asked instead.

“I’ve heard rumors. It seems Americans have landed in France.”

Eren jolted. “What? Americans? Aren’t they busy fighting the Japanese?”

Reiner scowled. “That’s what I thought too. Then again, they use everyone they can in their military: Negroes, Latinos, Orientals the Natives. I bet they even let Jews and fags fight! Maybe they sent all of their fags to Europe to fight us. If that’s the case, they should be easy to defeat, and we can slaughter them all without any sort of guilty conscience.”

Eren chuckled awkwardly and wished any other officer besides Reiner was there to talk with him.

In the captain’s office, the officers gathered. After some bread was passed around and wine was served, Kitz Woermann began his speech.

As Reiner had said, the Allies were on the move. Not only had they wormed their way up Italy and forced Rome to surrender, but at 6:30 that morning, a massive invasion began on the Normandy coast. British, American, and Canadian troops were at that very moment pushing over the sand and trying to secure a beachhead to begin what was sure to be a massive invasion of the continent.

“This is where things stand as of half an hour ago,” the captain ended, his wild eyes bulging out with indignation. “I’ve been asked to send reinforcements. Braun!”

“ _Jawohl!_ ” Reiner shouted stiffly.

“Your SS troops are ready, correct?”

“They are green but they are eager, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“This will be their first taste of battle. You and Schmidt are to head for Normandy. You leave this afternoon.”

“What of the rest of us, _Herr Hauptmann_?” asked Eren. He had hoped to fight some British to put all the moral dilemma out of his mind, but Americans or Canadians would be good substitutes.

“Until further ordered, we are to keep this location secure. This town is still tied to the French Resistance. With this attempt by the enemy, it’s possible the French civilians will grow bold. Therefore, we are to secure the town and be on the watch for partisans.” He clasped Eren on the shoulder. “I know you’re eager to fight the British, Jäger, being the _hunter_ you are. You’ll have your chance, but hopefully not anytime soon. Braun will push these bastards back over the channel.”

Eren nodded firmly. “If it’s Reiner Braun, they don’t stand a chance. He alone could probably defeat an entire battalion of tommies.”

“You hear that, Braun?” laughed Kitz. “We expect you to shove those American and British bastards back over the water.”

The bullish man grinned at Eren. “I’ll send you the Webley of the first tommy officer I kill.”

Eren smirked back at him. “I bet you couldn’t tell the difference between a yank and a tommy.”

Reiner gave a laconic shrug. “There _is_ one?”

The group laughed in agreement.

Reiner exclaimed over the laughs, “If they speak English and they love Jews, that’s more than enough reason to kill a person. What flag is on their uniform doesn’t matter.”

Eren’s laugh began to fall softer. He looked down at his own uniform. He spoke English … and as for Jews … well, one certain Jew…

“There will be another meeting at 0900 tomorrow. Tell your men to be on alert. We may be getting new orders at any time. Dismissed!”

Eren stepped out and patted Reiner on the shoulder as they separated. He wondered if he would ever see the huge man again.

He took a detour to the town’s castle and down to the dungeons. The Jew named Moses was just finishing with changing Levi’s bandages protecting his flogged back.

“You look like shit,” Levi greeted Eren flatly.

“I bring news. You might like it.”

“Paris is liberated?” he guessed mockingly.

“Not yet, but a coalition of British, American, and Canadian forces have landed in Normandy.”

Levi’s eyebrows shot up. “ _Vont-ils libérer la France?_ ” Are they going to free France?

Moses grabbed Levi’s arm. “ _L’armée?_ ” The army?

“ _Les Américains, les Canadiens, et les Britanniques._ ” The Americans, the Canadians, and the British.

“ _Merveilleux! C’est une très bonne nouvelle._ ” Wonderful! This is very good news.

Levi stroked his chin, trying not to show how much hope this gave him. Then he looked up to Eren in concern. “Is the army leaving this town?”

Eren shook his head. “Two platoons only for reinforcements.”

“That’s good,” he sighed. “Then we might live a little longer.”

Eren jolted. “What? I figured you’d want us gone from this town.”

“I want you gone from my _country_ ,” he shouted. “However, as the German army pulls away from this town, do you really think a group of Jews will be allowed to escape and wander about Europe however we like? We’ll either be shipped off to a concentration camp or—more than likely, since you’ll be in a rush to leave—we’ll simply be rounded up and shot before you drive down the road.”

Eren had not thought about what would happen to the Jews if the army left. He had figured they would be treated as French civilians and simply left alone. Levi was right, though. They were still Jews, and that made them enemies.

“Armin,” he muttered.

Moses and Levi had been talking quietly in French, but they paused when Eren spoke. “What was that?”

“The soldier who was with me to stitch you up, Armin Arlelt. If … If you ever have problems and I’m not around, he’s sympathetic to Jews. I wouldn’t go so far as to expect the two of us to break all of you out of here—although with his brilliant mind, he’d probably think of a way—but … if there’s trouble in the days to come—”

“We’ll handle it on our own,” Levi cut in. “If we start to rely on Germans, those kind enough to give a shit will be discovered and punished. No, we’ll handle trouble on our own.”

“But just in case,” Eren cut in. “If you need to get me, or even just to send a message to me … I may be in more meetings from now on. Armin can help you.”

Levi hesitated, but he finally gave a stiff nod. “I will tell the others to trust him.”

Eren sighed with a grin. At least these people now had two sets of friendly hands amidst all the fists that would rather beat them. “I should go now. I still need to tell my men about Normandy. Be safe, and lie low for a few days. Nerves are on edge.”

Levi nodded in understanding and watched the soldier leave back up the stairs.

Moses scratched his head. “He came all this way just to tell you that France could be liberated soon?”

“And another possible friendly German. The boy who stitched my wounds, Armin Arlelt. Let others know he is friendly to Jews.”

Moses sighed. “I don’t get him. Is he a traitor to the Germans or not?”

“He’s a conscientious soldier, rare these days. He’ll fight enemies of his homeland, but he’ll also decide whom to consider as friend or foe.”

Moses clasped him on the shoulder. “ _Baruch Hashem_ , he considers you to be a friend.”

Levi dropped his eyes and muttered, “ _Oui … Baruch Hashem._ ” Thank the Lord.

The risks, the bathing, the medicine, even the fake coffee … was this how Eren wanted to make friends? He had told Eren so many times, he was an enemy. All Nazis were enemies. So why did he feel so happy to see the young German? Why did he know so strongly that he could trust this man?

Eren’s question echoed again in his ears. Why did he care?

Were they _friends_ , or _enemies_?

* * *

That afternoon, Eren and his group shook hands with Reiner and Bertholdt as two platoons of SS soldiers headed off to the Normandy coast to reinforce troops meant to stop the invasion. Although they had not actually fought together, Eren still considered Reiner to be a battle buddy, or at least an old classmate one meets up with again in adulthood. It was sad to see them roll off in a convoy of trucks.

Jean watched as the convoy kicked up dust on the French road. “I’m not sure if I should say _they’re so lucky_ or _thank God it’s them and not us_.”

Connie nodded in agreement. “I, for one, am glad to be keeping the peace here rather than heading back to the front lines.”

Armin looked relieved. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way.”

Franz looked over to Eren. “What do you think, Jäger?”

Jean barked out a laugh. “Eren will probably be sulking for the next few days because he doesn’t get to fight.”

Eren watched the group fading off to a speck with only dust in the air to mark their passing. “I won’t be sulking, but you’re right. I would rather be in a battle where I know who my enemies are.”

“What confuses you here?” asked Connie. “If they’re civilians and going about their business, you leave them alone. If they’re acting suspicious, you question them. If they’re with the Resistance, you bring them in.”

“And if they’re Jewish, you shoot them,” Franz added with a blasé shrug.

“That’s my point, though,” said Eren. “You can’t know at a glance who is friend or foe. Out there, the uniform will tell you whom to shoot and whom to defend. I prefer knowing for certain. One army pitted against another, as warfare _should_ be.”

“You just want to kill British,” Jean laughed, slapping his back. “Come on, let’s go drink our comrades off to victory. With any luck, that beanpole and bull will be back with us soon, and we’ll get to hear Reiner sing again.”

“Oh, that was amazing,” Armin agreed wholeheartedly as their group turned to go.

“We could always have Eren sing,” Connie teased, smacking the lieutenant’s cap off from behind.

“Hey!” Eren shouted, dipping down to pick up his cap. “For that, you get to procure the alcohol.”

“There’s not enough beer in this country,” Connie whined. “It’s all wine, wine, wine!”

Their group laughed as they headed back, optimistic that their friends would take care of the invasion.

# # #

# #

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**June 6th** was the beginning of Operation Overlord … D-Day. To cue members of the French Resistance, the BBC played _Chanson d’automne_ (Autumn Song) by Paul Verlaine. Different parts of the famous poem were clues to when precisely the invasion was coming. “ _Les sanglots longs / Des violons / De l’automne_ ” meant the Allies would attack in two weeks, depending on the weather. The next three lines “ _Blessent mon cœur / D’une langueur / Monotone_ ” told the French Resistance that they have 48 hours, and to begin attacks on railways and other key targets, in order to cut off German supplies to the northwest beaches.

Reiner uses racist terminology that were common in the 1940s and highly inappropriate today. I tried to write this story thinking about how people back then talked. I know people 70+ years old who still call anyone from Southeast Asia “Orientals.”

“ **a yank and a tommy** ” – slang for American and British.

**War Trophies** – It was common in WWII for soldiers to take the guns of fallen enemies. The German Luger was especially popular with Allies, since they usually were issued to officers and higher ranked people. (And they were really good quality weapons.) Germans, meanwhile, wanted to snag a British Webley or American Colt M1911.

**What does the D in D-Day mean?** It's a simple question with no straight answer. Just days after the landing, _Time Magazine_ said the D meant "Day," and it went along with the H in H-Hour meaning Hour, so rather redundantly, they claimed that D-Day meant "Day-Day." Years after the war, Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, and now President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower claimed it means _Departed Day_ , since it was the day they departed from England.

Neither of these fit into military parlance, though. During WWII, there was an R-Day (Registration Day) when all men ages 21-35 had to register for the draft. Leading up to Operation Overlord, there was an M-Day (Mobilization Day) when the army began to mobilize and take shape. So one would think D-Day had a real meaning, and not simply Day-Day. Usually, it meant _**Disembarkation Day**_.

Disembarkation means to go ashore from a ship, so an amphibious landing, like at Normandy. There were MULTIPLE "D-Days" throughout World War II. Any time troops disembarked from a ship to the shore, the planned day of the landing was referred to as "D-Day."

So it's probably a safe bet to believe the actual military parlance, not the media and not an aging general who had a lot on his mind as President. Plus you all get a new vocabulary word: disembarkation!

  
_(Soldiers disembarking to the Normandy Coast on D-Day.)_


	11. The Sound of a Single Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shot in the night brings Eren to a frightening realization.

It was early evening, and most of the Jews were back in their cells after a day of slaving away around the Nazi camp. With just one oil lantern, the place was dark enough to close one’s eyes and sleep. Levi got what rest he could, lying on his cot with his eyes shut as his mind drifted.

He thought about a vineyard he had visited in his teens. He supposed that was his _happy place_. He remembered the sun and the smell, the rows of grapevines, the flowered gardens, and the taste of wine. How long had it been since he had good wine?

He was doing anything he could to take his mind off the lingering pain in his ass. Two weeks since the attack in the lavatory, and it still hurt to take a shit. His back still had some scabs from the whipping, but they only hurt if he had to bend over or in any way stretched his back.

He could handle all the pain and hunger if he remembered that vineyard and how beautiful France had been before the war.

He opened his eyes as he heard the door above creak open, and he scowled. That idiot soldier, visiting so often! Eren was going to get into trouble, or even worse, he would get _him_ into trouble.

As much as Levi enjoyed the company and liked knowing he had at least one Nazi on his side, he was pragmatic. They were enemies; friendship was out of the question. That made it hard to convince himself not to feel a leap in his chest every time military boots stomped down the staircase.

He also hated how disappointed he felt when it was not the fresh-faced lieutenant with teal eyes, but another man who had begun to visit them late at night.

The _Obergefreiter_ had introduced himself early on as Marlo Freudenberg, but due to his haircut, the Jews had taken to nicknaming him “ _Coupe Au Bol_ ,” or Bowl Cut.

Two ladies giggled together as they watched him enter. “ _Ce coupe au bol est un crime contre les cheveux._ ” That bowl cut is a crime against hair.

Marlo smiled at seeing the ladies gazing at him, unaware of the meaning behind their words. He walked over to their cell with a wicker basket on his arm.

“ _Guten Abend, meine Damen._ ” Good evening, my ladies. He gave them what he hoped was a suave bow, and the ladies tittered.

Levi rolled his eyes. Another idiot! At least this one attempted to flirt instead of merely raping the ladies.

“ _Ich bringe Brot._ ” I brought bread.

This was the only good thing about this idiot soldier. He had started off bringing only the ladies whatever treats he could hide in his pockets. Seeing that they felt bad eating when others had nothing, he tried to bring enough for everyone. For three days now, he had brought a basket of bread after roll call, allowing the Jews to split the food between themselves while he talked to the ladies.

He chatted away. Sometimes, he tossed in a horrible attempt at French, probably something the local baker told him to say, which he half-forgot.

“ _Tes aïeux sont rougissantes_.”

The whole dungeon burst into peals of laughter, and even Levi snorted and shook his head. Obviously, he had meant to say _tes yeux sont ravissantes_ , “your eyes are ravishing,” but instead he ended up saying _your forefathers are blushing_.

Levi heard a noise above him, and his eyes flicked up. Boots? Marlo was talking too loudly, and that laughter had been raucous. He worried if they had drawn unwanted attention.

It was a few more minutes before Marlo stood up, reached through the bars to lift the hand of one of the ladies, and gave it a debonair kiss. The woman turned her face away and fanned herself in fake bashfulness, telling the others, “The Bowl Cut must think I’m a fruit to place in his bowl.”

“ _Vas-y, vas-y_ ,” the other women cheered. Go for it!

Levi really wished they would be more prudent. For all they knew, this German soldier was plotting something. Although, by the blush to his cheeks and the way he ogled the ladies as he packed up his things, the only thing he was plotting was a threesome.

He left with a badly accented _Adieu_ , blew out the lantern, and trotted up the stairs, plunging them all into complete darkness. Levi closed his eyes, more than happy to sleep before their pre-dawn roll call.

An explosion jolted him straight up out of bed, and he instantly regretted moving so fast as scabs crackled and began to ooze. Levi flinched, but still…

Definitely, that was a gunshot.

“ _Quelqu’un est-il blessé?_ ” he shouted to the others. Is anyone hurt? Hearing their fearful panic, he barked out, “ _Appel_.” Roll call.

One by one, the Jews spoke out their names, and Levi kept track. Every single Jew was present.

So who fired that gun, and why?

An hour passed, another, and nothing. Levi cursed missing out on sleep. He could ask Eren about the gunshot in the morning. He sighed out his anxiety and closed his eyes.

* * *

Levi jolted awake at the sound of shouting above, echoing through the stairwell and down to the dungeon. He listened hard, but the German words made little sense. The emotions, though, were clear.

Fear, anger, confusion.

There were stomping boots back and forth, calls for help, and enraged shouts, as if people were demanding answers. Then Levi heard the distinct bellowing voice of the captain.

“ _Finde Leutnant Jäger! Schnell!_ ”

Jäger! If that bug-eyed captain was fetching Eren, he must mean to interrogate the Jews. Boots stomped away, but one set went down the stairs. A match was lit, the lamp wick was turned up high, and an amber glow danced in the cold dungeon, casting light onto the scowling face of Kitz Woermann, flanked by two attendants.

“ _Wer war es?_ ” He stepped up to Levi’s cell and sneered in. “ _Warst du es?_ ”

Levi struggled to figure out the words, but he figured the captain was asking if it was him.

“ _Que s’est-il passé?_ ” Levi asked suspiciously. What happened?

Kitz kicked the bars, rattling them. “ _Halt die Klappe! Ich stelle Fragen, du antwortest._ ” Shut your trap! I ask questions, you answer.

Levi sighed. There really was no use saying anything until Eren arrived and he knew what the hell was going on.

It felt like hours before Eren finally showed up, flushed as if he had run, hair wet like he had just showered.

Levi snarkily remarked, “Don’t tell me, they woke you from your beauty sleep and you had to freshen your face before seeing your boyfriend the captain.”

Eren glanced at Levi but ignored him for the moment. The captain was there, along with the last two remaining officers in the company, _Oberleutnant_ Ian Dietrich and _Leutnant_ Gunther Schultz. Kitz explained the situation, and Eren’s eyes grew wide in shock, followed by grief. Then Kitz began to point his finger at Levi. Eren seemed to be reasoning with him, but the captain screamed accusations, flinging spittle at Eren. He clamped his mouth shut and turned to Levi with frustrated eyes.

“Did you hear anything last night?”

“Yes, a gunshot.”

“About what time?”

“Oh, let me check my watch. That’s odd, it seems to be missing. Ah, right, some German pig stole it just after executing my wife.” He shook his head. “It was after roll call, just as _Coupe Au Bol_ was leaving.”

“Who’s that?”

Levi sighed. “It’s what we call one of the soldiers. Bad haircut, big nose, looks more Jewish than I do.”

“ _Obergefreiter_ Marlo Freudenberg. Everyone swears he’s Jewish, but his ancestry is pure.”

“Whatever that means,” Levi grumbled.

“He was found dead, a bullet in the center of his forehead.”

“That’s a shame. Those two girls over there will grieve that he won’t bring them anymore candies.”

“Candies? Was he flirting?” Eren asked suspiciously. “Was he assisting you? Do you think he worked with the French Resistance?”

Levi laughed at that. “Not with how he butchered anything he attempted to say in French. Look, most of these women have been sexually harassed or raped by you German swine. This guy brought bread, candies, and he tried to flatter them. Maybe he just wanted to get into their bloomers, but at least he acted with kindness.” Levi looked aside. “If he was a friend, you have my sympathy, but I want to know why there are Germans down here and why your captain looks ready to shoot me.”

“He believes you killed Freudenberg.”

Levi stared at Eren, who held his gaze. Someone’s pocket watch ticked the seconds.

“Is … he … stupid?” Levi asked with disgust and disbelief. “Yes, of course, I shot him in the head from a level down and around two corners, in pitch blackness, all using the pistol I pulled out of my ass.”

Eren sighed. “I tried to explain it to him, but he’s insisting it had to have been one of you Jews. If Freudenberg was flirting though, it could be someone saw him, got mad, and shot him. Did you see anyone?”

“No, but while _Coupe Au Bol_ was butchering the French language and making everyone laugh at his idiocy, I heard footsteps overhead. I think you’re right. It must have been a German who got mad at him for being friendly to us. Right after the shooting, just to be sure we were all safe, I took roll call. I know for certain, every single Jew was here.”

“Is there anything else you can tell me?”

Levi glanced over to Kitz, then back to Eren. “Not at the moment. Come back after they sort this out.”

“If you can help us figure out who did it, it’ll make the investigation go quicker.”

“I could tell you precisely who did it, but I can’t in present company.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means someone in this room shot him, but if I say who, I will probably be killed, and so might you. Find me later, we’ll talk. Tell your captain as much of all that as you want.”

Eren sighed and turned to Kitz. Levi sat back down, watching the faces since words meant little.

Kitz bellowed in shock and disgust, “ _Er liebäugelte mit den Juden?_ ” He was flirting with the Jews?

Levi rolled his eyes and grumbled, “What a fucking actor!”

* * *

Eren did not come around again until after sunset. By then, Levi had worked a hard day, and his back was aching. He and the Jews had returned to the castle for a bowl of watery soup that made up their dinner. Eren looked exhausted as he trudged into the kitchen, startling the Jews until they saw who it was.

“All right, talk,” Eren said to Levi, not even bothering with pleasantries.

Levi blew a spoonful of his soup as if he could hardly care about what Eren wanted. “Get me half a loaf of bread to go with this piss-water soup, and I will tell you everything.”

Eren’s hand drifted to his Luger. “Or, I could shoot you.”

Levi sipped a spoonful of soup, still not looking at him. “You won’t. You’re not like that.” He set his spoon down and glared at Eren. “Look, I haven’t eaten much besides this garbage unfit for dogs, and _Coupe Au Bol_ won’t be back again with bread for us.”

“Marlo!” Eren shouted. “His name was Marlo Freudenberg, and he was a good man.”

Levi folded his arms. “Bread, and I talk.”

Eren looked angry, but he still stomped away, returning a few minutes later with a long baguette.

“You said you won’t get bread, so split this among yourselves.”

Levi broke a piece of the bread roll and passed the rest down, with each person breaking off pieces, trying to spread it out over the whole group. A few muttered _Merci_ to Eren with nervous smiles.

“Like I said earlier,” Levi began, “I heard the gunshot, but I didn’t see the killer. I can’t for certain say _who_ killed him, but I can say _what_.”

“A gun, obviously!”

“Not just any gun. It was a .455 caliber round.”

Eren’s eyes narrowed. “How could you possibly know that?”

“I was a soldier; I know the sounds of gunfire. Germans are normally issued Lugers, Mausers, or Walthers, all of which use a 7.65 mm round. What I heard was much deeper, a bigger cartridge, and if you pry the bullet out of his brain, I’m certain you’ll find it’s a .455 round. It’s not a common caliber, except for one gun: a Webley Mark VI. It was a common handgun in the Great War, issued to British soldiers.”

Eren sneered. “British?”

“It’s also common practice for Germans to take the gun of the first British officer they kill. Many Germans back in the Great War kept their Webleys as a badge of honor. The only Webley I’ve seen in this village is strapped to that bug-eyed bastard’s thigh, a trophy of his time in the last war.”

“ _Hauptmann_ Woermann?” Eren shook his head in disbelief. “That’s not possible.”

“You know how much he hates us. If he saw one of his men flirting with a Jew, of course it’s possible.”

Eren continued to shake his head. “Then why investigate at all? Why would he try to blame you?”

“To get us killed, of course. As for why investigate: he shot a fellow German in cold blood, and he had no proof that the man was flirting. He probably broke some protocol, executing him without a trial. What even is the protocol for merely flirting with Jews?”

Eren scowled, folded his arms, and snapped, “How should I know?”

“Anyway, that’s what I heard and what I know. Someone shot that man with a .455 pistol. You can take that information however you like.” Levi shoved some of the bread into his mouth.

Eren stormed off, angry, but not really at Levi. Something had seemed off about this murder from the very beginning, and Kitz’s accusations against the Jews were preposterous to everyone who heard his ranting. It even had Gunther Schultz questioning if the captain was mentally suffering from the war.

He found himself marching briskly, not to his quarters, not even to Kitz, but to the _Gerichtsmediziner_ , medical examiner. He entered and saw the man busy at a desk, writing up his autopsy report. Pale blue eyes flashed up.

“ _Herr Leutnant_ , how may I help you?”

Because of his father, Eren hated all doctors, but he bit back his instinctive revulsion. “The man brought in today, Marlo Freudenberg. Did you happen to find the bullet that shot him?”

“The bullet exited the head and lodged in the wall. It was brought in, if you wish to see it. Is there a reason?”

“I’m confirming something,” Eren muttered, and he stepped past the _Gerichtsmediziner_ into a chilly holding room.

On a table was a body draped in a white cloth. Eren gulped, knowing that was Marlo. He thought about peeking under just to see the man again, but imagining the sight of his head half blasted off, he decided not to. He saw a metal tray with a few items, including the bullet.

Eren plucked up the crushed, used bullet and turned it around, looking at the inscription on the bottom.

G.F.L. 455 MKVI

Levi was right. It was a .455 bullet from a Webley Mark VI, a British gun. In their unit, the only person with a Webley was the captain himself.

Eren dropped the bullet back with a clatter. He looked over at the body under a sheet.

“You weren’t cautious enough,” he whispered.

Eren left without a word to the curious doctor. It was getting dark, but he still marched to their headquarters. He stormed past saluting soldiers and into Kitz’s office, catching the captain by surprise.

“Your gun is too unique, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

Kitz Woermann lowered a glass of wine he was drinking. “It’s been a long day, Jäger. Don’t play games. Come out and say what’s on your mind.”

“I stopped by the medical examiner. I saw the bullet that killed _Obergefreiter_ Freudenberg. It was a .455 caliber … which Germans do not use. The British do.” Eren’s fist clenched. “There is one .455 pistol in this town. Yours.”

Kitz’s eyes narrowed. “And?”

Eren could hardly believe he was not trying to deny it. “Perhaps you realized Freudenberg was flirting, and you killed him in anger. Still, with all due respect, he should have gone to trial. If he had ties to the French Resistance, we could have interrogated him. If he was planning to help the Jews, we could have executed him properly. If he just happened to go down there and was talking to them—”

“ _Herr Leutnant!_ ”

Eren froze at the shout.

Kitz sighed. “You’re right. Under normal circumstances, he should have been interrogated and punished accordingly. When I overheard the lewd things he was telling those Jewish whores, I acted on instinct, as one does when they realize there is a fly in their kitchen, and it must be swatted before it brings in disease. Freudenberg told those women many obscene, pornographic things. He might have even fucked one, or all of them for all we know. Imagine that! A filthy Jewish whore bred with the seed of a fine German stock. Although, there are rumors about Freudenberg, people saying that perhaps he was adopted as an infant, and his lineage is pure Jewish, not Aryan at all. For all we know, he was attracted to his own kind.”

Kitz stood up and walked around his desk, stopping right in front of Eren.

“I heard his lewd tongue myself, and I confronted him. He confessed, he was planning to break out the women and bring them to America, where they could live with Mormons and all of them would be his wives. He said he would not allow any of them to be hurt again, and he reached for his gun. That was when I shot him.”

Eren gulped. It was such an obvious lie, but what could he say? If he called Kitz out on it … would he be the next with his brains splattered against the wall?

“I understand now, _Herr Hauptmann_. You acted in self-defense. You could’ve claimed that from the start. Why try to blame the Jews?”

Kitz took a step closer as he glared hard at Eren. “You really like those parasites, don’t you?”

He thrust down his revulsion and said the words he knew he needed to say. “Of course not. Hitler said, Jews are the personification of the devil. I would not be Christian if I liked the devil. Still, as a Christian, I believe in honesty.”

Kitz’s beady eyes narrowed. “I was trying to spare the Freudenberg family the disgrace of learning their son was a Jew-lover.” His head tilted to the side, and Eren saw his hand twitch, as if it yearned to grab his pistol again. “Are you going to allow the Freudenbergs to mourn their son with honor, or curse his name in disgrace?”

Eren’s head dropped subserviently. “If you believe a traitor like him deserves honor after death, I will also hope his family praises his name.”

Kitz scoffed and shook his head. “You have a strong conscience, Jäger.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“That’s not a compliment,” he said in irritation. “The Führer said, ‘ _Gewissen ist eine jüdische Erfindung. Es ist wie die Beschneidung eine Verstümmelung des menschlichen Wesens._ ’” Conscience is a Jewish invention. Like circumcision, it is a mutilation of the human being. “We are told to feel good when we do something and to feel bad when we do something else. Having a conscience is a sign of weakness of the mind. It’s a way to manipulate the masses, nothing more than a leash to hold back the progress of human society. Did you ever study Friedrich Nietzsche in school?”

Eren shook his head. “I’ve heard the name.”

“A philosopher, brilliant man, who said conscience is the deepest illness of mankind. It robs people of their self-confidence. Guilt is a delusion forced upon us by Jews to weaken those with a wavering mental fortitude.” He smiled sickly at Eren. “You are a strong-willed German youth, but perhaps it was that half-bred mother of yours who instilled in you a strong conscience, a way for her people to eventually manipulate you.”

Eren wanted to shout back, to defend his mother, who had never once thought of herself as a Jew, and was only called a _mischling_ due to a single grandparent who died in child labor. However, he saw a sadistic, taunting glint in Kitz’s eyes. He was _daring_ Eren to give him an excuse to shoot him as well.

“Are you not going to defend your mother or your conscience?” he goaded.

Eren gulped back his outrage. “If my conscience is a weakness, then obviously this is something I need to work on so I can be a strong soldier and defend the Fatherland.”

Kitz looked impressed. “Very good. The Aryan in you really shines sometimes. Since you’re here, I want to show you something. Come!”

Eren followed the captain over to his desk. On it were photos and reports.

“What is that? It’s like a giant bullet.”

Kitz smiled proudly, as if he had built it himself. “They call it a _flying bomb_. This is Germany’s secret weapon. Our scientists have been working on it for years. A rocket with a jet engine and autopilot guidance: the Vergeltungswaffe 1, or V-1. This, young Jäger, is the future! With this, we will win any war. Already, rockets have been striking England, and they will continue to rain down fire and fury until nothing is left. They are already building bigger flying bombs with further range. Imagine! At the push of a button, we could flatten London, New York, Moscow, any city we want. They would have no warning, no sounds of airplanes flying overhead, no one to shoot down. One minute, they’re hanging up laundry, the next minute, all is dust and rubble. Germany shall triumph, and the ideology of the Führer will blossom across the world.”

Eren stared at the photos in awe and horror. War used to be about one trained soldier fighting another. Now, it was leveling entire cities. Innocent civilians, children, silver-haired grandparents, whole families torn to pieces by the shrapnel of a war that has nothing to do with them.

This was not the honorable war he wanted to fight in.

“What do you think, Jäger?”

Fear and anger shivered deep in his soul. What did he think? He thought it was immoral. He thought it lacked honor. He thought it was disgusting and ruthless and … and … _evil_.

Yet that was his conscience speaking. As deeply as he felt that this was _wrong_ , he knew what he had to say.

“The Führer said, ‘I do not see why man should not be just as cruel as nature.’ Flattening a city … is cruel … but those deaths are necessary to achieve the Führer’s ambition.”

Kitz’s chest puffed out. “Exactly. _Heil Hitler!_ ”

Eren’s arm shot out straight in salute. “ _Heil Hitler_.”

“Now, go find yourself a woman, or get drunk, or both, and tomorrow revel in the knowledge that this war will soon be over.”

Eren left the office feeling cold inside, despite the summer night humidity. In the end, he was left with no good reason why the Jews were blamed for Marlo’s death, other than the captain’s own hatred and trying to cover up that he had been the one to shoot a fellow German in cold blood. He also got a vague threat that he better not be the next Jew-lover who needs to be put down.

And those rockets!

He wanted the war to be over. More than anything, he wanted peace across all of Europe.

But not like this.

 _Never_ like this.

# # #

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_I may have let my interest in historic weaponry get the better of me with the Webley and mentioning other WWII firearms._

_**The Webley .455 Mk VI** was used in both WWI and WWII, although more rarely later on. Kitz Woermann got his war trophy as a young soldier in World War I and simply held onto it for 26 years._

_The biggest problem with the Mk VI was the ammunition. It’s a huge cartridge compared to a .38 caliber. That meant the revolver could only hold 6 bullets, as compared to eight .38 caliber bullets on other guns. There was also a .45 caliber version, just to really confuse soldiers. After the war, finding .455 caliber bullets was a challenge; there were plenty of old wartime guns around, but a severe lack of ammunition._

_That bigger caliber means the sound of it firing is distinctly different from a Walther P38 or Luger 9mm, which both have smaller-sized bullets._

_**The V-1 flying bomb** (in German, the Vergeltungswaffe 1, or Vengeance Weapon 1) was an early cruise missile. The V-1 was so advanced for its time, many soldiers would ask “Where’s the cockpit?” They could not understand how a bomb could get from point A to point B without a pilot._

_The Wehrmacht first launched the V-1 to target London on June 13, 1944, one week after (and prompted by) the successful Allied landings in Normandy. At one point, more than one hundred V-1s a day were fired at south-east England, 9,521 in total. Due to the noise they made coming in, they were nicknamed “Doodlebugs,” but the destruction they wrought on London was no joke._


	12. The Importance of a Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is surprised to get a visit from Armin, but what Armin brings him fills Levi with dread.

Levi had finished his chores early, so the soldier watching over him simply locked him back away in the dungeon. It was dank and cold, but at least he could rest, conserve energy, and it gave him time to think. He tried to recall happier times, but it was getting harder and harder to remember Petra’s face. He wished he could have saved just one photograph of her.

Somewhere above, Levi heard unfamiliar footsteps, one person, lightweight, wearing boots. He instinctively shrank down, glaring at the torchlight slowly spilling in as the possible enemy approached. He hated not having a weapon of some kind. Even a spoon could be used to kill if a person was skilled enough. However, instead of some hard-faced man, it was a small soldier with huge, bright eyes that looked around as if wondering if he was in the right place.

Levi raised up a little and called out in French, “You’re the one they call Armin, right?”

The soldier, barely old enough to no longer be considered a boy, leaped at the voice, but he came in at seeing Levi.

“I sure hope you didn’t come down here hoping to prove your manhood by beating up some Jews,” Levi mocked. “Or maybe you want to flirt with the women as well, let one break in your virginity. Sorry to disappoint you, boy, but I’m the only one here. If you flirt with me, I’ll kick your ass, and if you try to beat me up, well, you’re like a helpless kitten. I’d almost feel bad for beating you to death. _Almost_ , you Nazi swine.”

Armin obviously did not understand a word, and Levi rolled his eyes. He wanted to learn German, if only so he could cuss out these Nazis properly.

“ _Vous … Levi … oui?_ ”

Levi arched an eyebrow. “ _Oui. Pourquoi?_ ” Yes. Why?

Armin reached into a military bag, and Levi’s eyes widened as he pulled out a book he knew immediately.

The Tanakh! How did this man get it? Why was he bringing it here? What the hell happened? Eren once told Levi that he could trust Armin if anything bad happened and he was unable to help. Obviously, this time Eren had been the one who needed the help of this young man. But _why_?

Levi felt his heart racing, and he sneered as he realized he was panicking over a German soldier. He looked up to Armin, a burning sensation in his eyes, and shouted, “ _Que diable est-il arrivé à Eren?_ ” What the devil happened to Eren?

In halting words, Armin explained, “ _Eren … il a dit … livre … donner vous_.”

His French was horrible, but Levi got the gist of it. Eren told Armin to give the book back to him. “ _Takhshet?_ ” he whispered, taking the book from between the prison bars. There was a lump in the back of his throat that annoyed him.

If Eren was handing the book back, and he gave it to a trusted member of his platoon, that meant something terrible must have happened. Had he been shot like Marlo?

Something shivered and twisted in Levi’s chest, a deep dread he told himself he should not feel for some Nazi enemy, yet the burning in his eyes and tightness in his throat would not go away.

“ _Où est-il? Qu’est-ce qui se passe?_ ” Where is he? What’s going on?

Armin shrugged, showing he barely understood. “ _Er hat eine Lungenentzündung._ ”

Levi sneered in frustration at the language barrier. “Dammit, what did he go and do?” He looked up to Armin. “Paper. Write. Dammit, what’s the word? _Schreiben_.”

“ _Wollten Sie Leutnant Jäger schreiben?_ ”

“ _Ja_ , yes. I want to write to Jäger.”

“ _Ich kann dich zu ihm bringen_.”

“Can … to him … bring … _ja!_ ” he shouted, picking up just enough. “Bring me to him. Please. _Bitte._ ”

Armin pointed to the Tanakh. “ _Das Buch?_ ”

“To hell with the book!” Levi threw it under his pillow to hide it from view. “Jäger. Bring me to Eren Jäger!”

* * *

Levi stepped into a house that once belonged to some well-off villager, now abandoned and used by the lieutenant and a few of his closest men. Other officers had also commandeered houses while staying in this village. As Armin brought Levi inside, all eyes turned to him.

Jean scowled at seeing him. “ _Warum ist der Jude hier?_ ” Why is the Jew here?

Armin answered, “ _Er will Eren sehen._ ” He wants to see Eren. Armin waved Levi to continue upstairs, but the small man realized Jean was stalking close behind. He tried to ignore Jean while also hoping the man did not simply stab him in the back. Armin knocked on a door and called in. “Eren?”

“ _Komm herein_.” Come in.

The door opened, and Levi saw Eren sitting up in bed with a young nurse attending him. He looked pale with sweat moistening his bangs, yet he grinned as soon as he saw the Jew.

“Levi! Perfect. The nurse is French. I have no idea what she’s saying. _Könnten Sie für mich übersetzen?_ Could you translate for me?”

Although he was grinning, his eyes had dimmed. He was obviously sick, and it looked severe. Just then, Eren coughed, and they could all hear the moistness in his lungs. Levi flinched at hearing that cough; it did not sound good at all. He spoke with the nurse, and she informed him of the problem. Eren had come down with pneumonia, and it was getting progressively worse. If he did not improve soon, he would be sent to a hospital in Paris.

Levi nodded in comprehension. So, that was why Eren sent away the book. If he was sent to another city, his bags would be inspected before sending them along for the trip. He needed to get rid of the book before he got in trouble, and he trusted Armin to deliver it without questions.

“You’re going to die,” Levi told Eren with a flat expression.

“What?” Eren shrieked, and he broke into more coughs from the shout.

A smile cracked over Levi’s face. “You have pneumonia, idiot.”

“I know what I have,” he said, still coughing. “I got _Lungenentzündung_ a few days ago. I don’t need to know the English word; I need to know if I’m getting better.”

“No, it’s getting worse. If there is no improvement in another two days, they will send you to Paris.”

“But I can’t…” Eren choked off his protest, looked up at the nurse, then over to Armin, and lastly at Jean slouched in the doorway with crossed arms. “If I leave here, they’ll probably kill you.”

“If you’re that sick and you stay here, you could die.”

Eren scowled to the side. “I don’t want to leave. _Ich hasse Ärzte._ I hate doctors.”

“Then let me be your doctor,” Levi offered.

Eren’s eyes widened. “You know medicine?”

“I know enough, and I can follow her orders far better than the rest of these idiots who don’t speak a word of French. I can be a prisoner here just as easily as a prisoner in the dungeon. Any idiot would realize I can’t kill you or I’m dead. They can even keep a watch over me if they’re that paranoid.”

Just then, Thomas walked into the room with a tray balancing a bowl of soup and some milk. “ _Bietet er Hilfe an?_ ” Is he offering assistance?

Eren nodded. “ _Ja. Er sagte, er werde uns helfen._ ” Yes. He says he’ll help us.

Armin perked up. “ _Ich könnte einen Dolmetscher gebrauchen._ ” I could use a translator.

Thomas set the tray down and looked straight at Levi. “ _Eren hat dein Leben gerettet. Wirst du uns bitte helfen?_ ”

Eren translated to Levi, “He says, Eren saved your life. Will you please help us?”

Levi nodded to the question. “ _Oui. Ja._ I’ll help.”

* * *

Levi found out that this was an illness spreading through the town, brought on by a rain earlier that week. Levi and the other Jews had been lucky enough to work indoors that day, but the soldiers were forced to patrol and inspect like usual. Three soldiers had already been sent to a hospital, but Eren kept refusing. The others thought he was stubbornly trying to show strength. He admitted quietly to Levi, he was terrified that if he left for even a week, he might return to find all the Jews dead.

“The captain did not want to risk other soldiers getting sick by attending ill patients,” Eren explained as he sipped his soup. “We’ve been using French civilians, forcing the villagers to care for me and the others.”

“What about the language barrier?” asked Levi.

“Yes, that is making things hard.”

Levi scowled. “Idiot. You could have asked for me days ago. That’s why you’re keeping me alive, isn’t it?”

Eren sighed and shrugged. “ _Hauptmann_ Woermann said he did not trust both a Frenchman and a Jew working together.”

Levi sneered and rolled his eyes. “He’s rather his men die than trust a Jew? May he catch this and drown in his own lungs.”

“I’ve arranged to have you excused from roll call and duties, but this has to stay quiet. If the captain comes to check on me, you have to hide in my closet.”

Levi grumbled under his breath, “I suppose it beats cleaning the toilets again.”

Levi had little to do. Eren slept fitfully, often waking up to moist coughs. Levi fetched him handkerchiefs, and he was allowed to use the house bathroom to wash the phlegm out of the cloths. He was also happy to use a real toilet, rather than the bucket in his cell. He fixed tea and wiped Eren’s feverish head with a wet cloth, but otherwise his duty was to sit there and keep Eren company.

Not a bad arrangement … even if he was a Nazi swine.

Later that night, when the nurse returned to check on Eren, the young lieutenant made a bold request.

“Tell her to give me something for pain.”

Levi looked deeply concerned. “Are you hurting? Is it your lungs?”

“No, but I’m sick of seeing you flinching every time you sit. Your ass is still healing, and you’ve had no medication for over a week. So ask her. Something for an ache. Tell her my back hurts from lying in bed all this time.”

“Eren…”

“That’s an order.”

“I’m not one of your soldiers, dammit.”

“No, but you’re my attendant for the moment, and I’m giving you a direct order.”

Levi muttered something in Yiddish so none of them would understand. Then he told the nurse in French, “His ass hurts from lying on it. He’s a wimp and wants something for the pain. He’s truly a pain in the ass.”

She giggled and said she would be back with something. Eren wondered precisely what the Jew had said to make the nurse laugh. That was the trouble with this sort of translation-by-proxy, and why Kitz Woermann feared it. The Germans had no clue what Levi was saying.

Minutes later, she returned with two pills. Eren set them aside and thanked her. Levi walked her to the door and closed it after her.

“Take them before anyone enters,” Eren insisted.

He sighed. Stupid brat! Still, sitting on the hard chair beside Eren’s bed was painful. He almost missed simply lying in his cell staring at the ceiling. At least then his ass hurt less.

Levi swallowed the pills with some herbal tea that had been brought in for Eren. The soldier reached out for the drink, and Levi handed it over, suddenly worried if using Eren’s own cup was pushing his level of rudeness. Hesitantly, he handed the teacup over, and Eren took a sip with a smile.

“Now we’ve shared cups,” he said happily. “Although it’s a good thing I hadn’t already used that cup. I don’t want you to get sick.”

Levi scoffed and walked aside to the window. His cheeks felt hot. Maybe he was getting sick after all.

Eren watched him from the bed and pouted. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Do you expect me to watch over you twenty-four hours a day? I need sleep.” He stared out at the moonlight. He had woken up before sunrise, slaved away all morning and afternoon, and his eyes were barely staying open.

“I thought … maybe … you could sleep here.”

“My cell would be more comfortable than your floor. Marginally warmer too.”

“I meant in my bed.”

Levi spun around on his heels with wide, shocked eyes.

“It’s a wide bed. I’m used to a military cot.”

“Are you _stupid_?” he screamed.

“Quiet! Someone will worry.”

“I can tell them you’re an idiot. I know at least that much German. _Du bist ein Idiot_.”

Eren burst into laughter.

“What the hell is so funny?”

“ _Ee-dyot?_ Hearing you speak German with such a strong French accent, it’s cute!”

“Shut the hell up!”

Just then, Armin rapped on the door and slipped inside. “ _Was gibt’s?_ ” What’s up?

Eren pointed over to Levi. “ _Er ist süß._ ” He’s cute.

Levi stabbed a finger at Eren. “ _Ist ein Ee-dyot!_ ”

Armin also snorted out a short laugh at the comical French accent.

Eren cried out, “ _Ich hab Recht, nicht wahr?_ ” I’m right, aren’t I? After a brief laugh at seeing Levi turning red in frustration, Eren said calmer, “ _Wir diskutieren über Schlafregelungen._ ” We are discussing sleeping arrangements.

“ _Er konnte am Fuß des Bettes schlafen._ ” He could sleep at the foot of the bed.

“ _Das ist hervorragend._ ” That’s brilliant. He turned to Levi. “He recommends that you sleep at the foot of the bed.”

Levi sneered. “Like a dog!”

Eren shrugged apologetically. “ _Ich brauche möglicherweise eine Krankenschwester mitten in der Nacht._ Um … I may need a nurse in the middle of the night.”

Levi knew Eren was using both languages purely to give a reasonable explanation to his underling. “You’re going to be stubborn about this, aren’t you?”

“If I have to be,” Eren said, showing he was not about to take no for an answer.

Levi twirled away and stubbornly folded his arms. “Tell him I at least want a blanket. A dog deserves that much.”

“ _Er sagt, er wird hier bleiben. Gib ihm eine Decke, damit sein Zittern mich nicht wach hält._ ” He says he will stay. Give him a blanket so his shivering does not keep me awake.

“ _Eine Decke und ein Kissen_ ,” offered Armin. A blanket and a pillow.

Levi glared at Armin. “What the hell was that about _kiss him_? Fuck you.”

Eren chuckled and blushed slightly. “No, _Kissen_. He’s offering you a pillow.”

“I don’t need it,” he muttered.

“Too bad,” Eren said arrogantly, and he looked over to Armin. “ _Danke_.”

Armin left to fetch things for bedding, and Eren looked over at Levi, standing by the window, arms crossed over his chest, with a scowl on his face. Was he being too forceful in this, or was Levi simply looking out for him in his own gruff way?

“Are you really going to hate being in here?”

Levi gave a slight shrug. “You’re obviously determined to keep me.”

“I’m serious. Are you that repulsed by the idea of sharing a bed with a German? Or is it that you’re opposed to sharing a bed with a man?”

“I’ve had to sleep beside many people. It happens when you’re on the run. Male or female, you forget such trivial things when you’re happy just to be out of the rain and covered with some ragged blanket.”

“Then what is the problem this time?”

Levi glared back at him. “You.”

Eren leaned back, feeling stabbed by the animosity in those eyes.

“Why do you keep doing this? How many times do I have to warn you? You’re going to get into trouble. _I’m_ going to get into trouble!”

“You came here out of your own free will. I sent Armin only to give you the book back because I had a feeling I might be sent off.”

“I came because I thought you might have been arrested, or shot, or who the hell knows what!”

Eren smiled and tilted his head in amusement. “Were you worried about me?”

“Of course I was! If you die, all of us Jews will probably be rounded up and shot.”

“Which is why I want to stay here, if at all possible. If you stay in my room, maybe I’ll get better quicker. If you save me from this illness, you save your own people. Think about it.”

He did, and it was the main reason he had not demanded to leave. That, and some nagging piece of his heart ached to see Eren this sick.

Armin returned just then. “ _Hast du ein Problem?_ ” Are you having a problem?

“ _Er machte sich Sorgen um mich. Ist das nicht süß?_ ” He was worried about me. Isn’t that cute?

Armin smiled at Levi. “ _Sie sind zu freundlich, Herr Jude._ ”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “What the hell are you two saying about me?”

“He says, you’re kind for worrying so much about me.”

“Fuck you both,” he muttered.

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

Levi gave them a hand gesture that needed no translation.

Armin merely chuckled, glad to see his commander taking pity on this man and joking around with him.

“Look,” Eren told Levi, “if you’re here to help out the nurse, maybe I can heal quicker. My only worry is that you’ll get sick being around me.”

“I rarely get sick, not from colds at least.”

“It’s … _Lungenentzündung_ … however you say it in English.”

“Pneumonia. The English word comes from the French _pneumoniae_.”

“Pneumonia. I’ll remember that.”

Armin set the bedding down. “ _Ich habe ein Kissen mitgebracht._ ”

“He brought a pillow. Say thank you,” Eren told Levi in a teasingly scolding tone.

Levi sneered, but he looked up to the baby-faced German and tipped his head in genuine thanks. “ _Danke_ ,” he said in German to show his honest gratitude.

Armin replied cheerfully. “ _Gern geschehen_.” You’re welcome. Then he left the room with a light step.

Levi unfolded the blanket. It was clean and thick, and the pillow as well was real down feathers. Levi blinked out his eyes. Why was this tiny showing of gratitude getting to him?

“Turn out the light when you’re ready,” said Eren. “I’ll try not to kick you.”

Levi finished setting up the pillow and blanket. Then he blew out the lanterns and walked blindly back to the bed. He removed his shirt, trousers, and socks, and slipped in wearing only what he had to for decency.

It took some moments for the two of them to figure out how to sleep. Levi at first planned to lie horizontally across the bed with his knees curled up. That did not work with Eren’s height. So he edged toward the side. One way, another way, until finally they ended up sleeping parallel to each other, practically side by side, Levi with his head down near Eren’s feet, and Eren facing Levi’s toes.

“This works,” Eren said.

Levi grumbled wordlessly, but he hated that it really did feel like he was sleeping _in bed_ with Eren this way. “Just keep to your side and try not to kick me in the head.”

“Same to you.” Then Eren closed his eyes and clasped his hands together.

_Vater unser, der du bist im Himmel, geheiliget werde dein Name._   
_Dein Reich komme._   
_Dein Wille geschehe, wie im Himmel, also auch auf Erden._   
_Unser täglich Brot gib uns heute._   
_Und vergib uns unsere Schuld,_   
_Wie wir vergeben unseren Schuldigern._   
_Und führe uns nicht in Versuchung,_   
_Sondern erlöse uns von dem Übel._   
_Denn dein ist das Reich und die Kraft und die Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit._   
_Amen._

“A Nazi praying!” Levi muttered with a hint of disgust.

“Some of us are religious,” Eren retorted.

“Do you think the Lord will end this war, help Germany to win, and save us all? Or only save a few, I guess. You probably think the Lord doesn’t give a shit about Jews.”

“God will do what he wants. Maybe God will get me through this, maybe it’s my time to die for my Fatherland. I will accept either destiny.”

Levi stared out bitterly into the moonlight slanting through the curtains. “The Lord does not answer prayers.”

“Not all of them, no. I will still pray, just in case he happens to listen one day.”

Levi closed his eyes. “Then I hope he listens to you. He never heard my prayers, not in all these years, all the times I’ve screamed out to him, all the times I’ve closed my eyes and begged to him.”

“You’re still alive,” Eren pointed out.

“I sit upon a mountain of bones, Eren Jäger. Now shut up and sleep.”

They both closed their eyes. Levi was exhausted and fell asleep instantly. Eren remained awake long enough to feel Levi start to roll into him, until he felt a soft rump press up against his own. He smiled at the sound of Levi breathing, and the rising warmth of their bodies being so close together, especially as he boldly rolled a little closer. Finally, Eren closed his eyes, wishing he did not have to sleep through this night, but smiling as he knew Levi would be there with him in the morning.

# # #

# #

#

_What Eren prays is “Vaterunser,” known in English as “The Lord’s Prayer” or the “Our Father” prayer. There are many slight variations to the wording depending on Catholic, older Protestant, and modern Protestant. I found these words from a pre-1950 text, so if any German-speakers protest “Those aren’t the right words,” this is the way your great-grandparents would have said the prayer._

_Levi being surprised by Eren praying is because the Nazi Party tended to scoff at religion. Although early in his rise to power, Hitler said “our movement is Christian,” Heinrich Himmler, who considered himself to be a pagan, saw the Schutzstaffel (SS) as being “the vanguard in overcoming Christianity and restoring a ‘Germanic’ way of living.” Himmler even tried to create a Teutonic-based religion within the SS. (Hitler thought it was silly and mocked Himmler behind his back.) Hitler’s private secretary Martin Bormann said “National Socialism and Christianity are irreconcilable.” The Gestapo made sure Church leaders supported the war and praised the Führer … or else!_

_Adolf Hitler had been raised Catholic, sang in the church choir, and initially wanted to be a priest. He turned his back on religion after his younger brother died from measles in 1900. Four years later, at Hitler’s confirmation, his sponsor had to “drag the words out of him … almost as though the whole confirmation was repugnant to him.” After leaving home at 18, Hitler never attended church again. He said, “Ich will die katholische Kirche zertreten wie eine Kröte!” (I want to crush the Catholic Church like a toad!)_

_At his command, thousands of Catholic priests and nuns were arrested, with many dying in concentration camps. Monasteries and convents were prime targets for seizure, with Nazis claiming they needed the buildings for hospitals, orphanages, or for refugee children, but actually they would just loot them on grounds of the churches being “hostile to the state.” Many historians believe that Hitler’s ultimate plan for after the war was the complete eradication of Christianity from Germany._

_Imagine, in an alternate universe, his younger brother never got sick, and Adolf Hitler became a Catholic priest. Alternate history is crazy!_


	13. Nursing the Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a fever rages in Eren, he lets slip a few things to Levi that he should probably not say aloud.

Eren awoke to a sky colored bruised purple and the smell of old shoes. He flinched at the stench and realized there was a bare foot smashed against his cheek. As he blinked out his eyes, he remembered Levi making himself a place to sleep in his bed. His foot had slipped out from under his blanket in the night and found warmth on Eren’s feverish face. Although the smell was atrocious (he made a note to order his men to let Levi take a bath) he found the situation comical.

In bed with a Jew! Hitler would be furious.

Slowly, his hand slid forward, and in the pre-dawn darkness he put two fingers on Levi’s ankle, just to feel it.

Hairy legs, just like him. So normal!

He was not sure what he had expected, but after a lifetime of hearing about how Jews were lower than animals, being this close to one fascinated him. They really were not different at all.

Levi’s toes were so tiny, it was honestly adorable. Eren touched one, tracing the length of it. Levi let out a small moan of displeasure, but that was also cute and made Eren bite back a silly grin. He traced the next toe, and Levi shifted his foot away, taking it off Eren’s cheek. He moaned again, apparently finding the cold not to his liking, and his foot smashed back again, this time landing across Eren’s mouth. Feeling a little playful, Eren stuck his tongue out, giving the bottom of Levi’s foot a wet lick.

Levi let out a shriek and leaped from the bed. He tangled up in his blankets, landed hard on the floor, and scurried away, breaking free from the covers like escaping prison bonds.

“ _C’était quoi, ça? Putain, c’est dégueulasse._ ” What the hell was that? Fuck, that’s gross.

“Sorry, sorry,” Eren chuckled.

Levi heard English, and he realized he was in an actual house, not the dungeon. “ _Que diable_ … Eren!” he cried out in outrage. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Just then, the door banged open, and Jean stood in pale long johns with his gun drawn. “ _Keine Bewegung!_ ” Freeze!

Eren called out quickly, “ _Es ist sicher, alles ist gut._ ” It’s safe, all is good. “Sorry, Jean. He shifted in his sleep, so I hit him.” That was a lie, but there was no way he could admit what he had actually done.

Jean slowly lowered his gun. “Maybe I should hit him too for waking me up.”

“It’s fine now. Thank you.” Eren broke into coughs. “Hey, I don’t want to bother you, so is it okay if the Jew uses the kitchen to make me some tea? I also want him to bathe. He stinks.”

Jean sighed. “Whatever. If he escapes, though, this is all on you.”

“The fate of his people is bound to my survival, Jean. He knows that. He won’t run, and he won’t poison me.”

Jean mumbled, “That’s a risk I sure wouldn’t take.”

Down the hall, they heard Connie sleepily asking, “What’s going on?”

“The lieutenant is beating the Jew so he’ll make him breakfast. Go back to sleep.”

Connie groaned and closed his door. Jean sighed and turned away.

“Seriously, this is all on you, Jäger. Don’t bring the rest of the squad down with you.”

“I won’t. And thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I should be talking you out of this, not turning a blind eye. Still, this Jew is useful, if only to translate. If he can save your pathetic life, it’s worth it, and if he can hook me up with that cute French nurse, then I owe him one.”

“I’ll ask him to tell her all about your redeeming qualities,” Eren laughed, but it turned into coughs again.

Jean’s eyes softened with concern. “Seriously, don’t you dare die on us. And you, Jew,” he said, glaring at Levi who was still crouching on the ground. “If he dies under your care, I’ll shoot you myself.” With that stern but loyal warning, he left.

Eren coughed again, feeling gurgling moisture in his lungs. “ _Ich hasse es, krank zu sein._ ” I hate being sick. He looked down to Levi, whose eyes were still narrow and leering at him. “I’m sorry.”

He sneered, keeping his voice down even as it seethed in loathing. “ _Tu as léché mon pied, espèce de pervers_.” You licked my foot, you fucking pervert.

“Your foot was smashed into my mouth.”

“You could have tapped me on the leg. _Merde!_ What is wrong with you?”

Eren bit his lip and looked away. “It was a joke.”

“I’ve said it before: you have a sick sense of humor. Who teases another man like that except for—” His words broke off, and he stared at Eren in the pale glow of the coming morning. Levi let out a sigh and shook his head. “Fuck, that’s impossible,” he whispered. Then Eren coughed again, and Levi’s rage and curiosity drifted away. He stood up, wiped his wet foot on the edge of the rug, and walked back over to the bed. “Do you need anything?” His hand went to Eren’s forehead. “ _Mon dieu_ , you’re burning up. I’ll get you medicine.”

“If you could, Jean gives you permission to use the kitchen. Make that tea the nurse left. It worked last night. Then you can make us both breakfast.”

“Both?” Levi looked uncertain. “I can eat your food?”

“Sure. Although, don’t dip into the spices too much. Thomas is really strict about that.”

“But … but I can have food? Real food?”

Eren’s eyes softened. “Of course you can. Make us both something good. We should have … _Eier und Würstchen_ … I don’t know English food words that well. Egg? Sausage?”

“Sausage?” Levi whispered, looking like this was a dream come true.

“You can help yourself.”

“No,” he said sternly. “I can’t eat the same food you do.”

“No, really—”

“Eren!” He cut him off sharply, but Levi sighed. “You’re a good man, but the world is not a good place. I will take only enough to fill my stomach. Some bread, that’s all.”

Eren pouted in displeasure at the idea. “I will lose my appetite if you don’t eat well.”

“Then lose it!” he snapped, and Levi left the bedroom. “ _Putain! Tu es vraiment trop naïf._ ” Fuck! You’re really too naïve.

He crept down the stairs, keeping a wary eye out so no other spooked Nazi soldiers pulled their guns on him. He tiptoed to the kitchen and lit a lamp to search around.

A real kitchen! It had been years since he worked in one.

He pulled out a basket of eggs and some small sausages. He checked out what pans they had—well stocked with cast iron pans, nice!—and got to work. He cracked open the eggs and put a kettle of water on to make tea.

A memory floated back to him, cooking eggs and veal sausages, looking out the kitchen window, and seeing Petra in her garden wearing a wide-brimmed hat, snipping off parsley. He could not see her face, but the memory made him feel warm inside, yet deeply sad. He would never cook her breakfast again.

Now, he looked out the window and saw a building that had been hit by a bomb, bricks shattered apart, exposing part of what had once been a nice parlor. His country had been shattered, like that building, invaded by Germany, like the Nazis that had taken over this house. Levi kept his eyes down as he cooked so he did not have to look at reality.

Without even thinking about it, he had begun to make breakfast for two.

“ _Putain_ ,” he cursed under his breath. So much for his noble idea of not making life harder for himself by eating the food allotted to soldiers.

He pulled out a large tray and set up two plates, a pot of tea, and two cups. He set out silverware and even found a small jar of sugar. With all of that balanced on the tray and the lantern dangling on his wrist, he went back up to the bedroom.

He shoved open the door and began to say “Okay, bastard,” but his words were cut off by the sound of snoring. Eren had sat up in bed to read, but he fell back to sleep, the book on his lap, his head flopped down toward his chest. Levi sighed and shook his head.

What had he done in his life to be punished with playing _nurse_ to an idiotic Nazi?

As Levi set the tray on a small table, he realized something.

He could run. Easily!

No one was awake yet. Few guards would be patrolling this area of the village. There was just enough light outside to see as he sneaked around. He could head to the river, follow it to the forest…

… and in doing so, damn his fellow Jews to death.

“ _Merde_ ,” he whispered with a sneer. He couldn’t! He tried once, thinking he could simply live with the guilt, but he personally experienced how brutally they were punished for just one young woman escaping; the whip scars still ached at times. He was more important to these Nazi swines, needed for translation work. The collective punishment for him escaping would be far more vicious.

Especially for Eren.

Not that he should care about some Nazi officer!

Eren began to choke up, and he jolted awake to hideous coughing. He grabbed a handkerchief sitting beside the bed and hacked up phlegm into it. Levi came over and rubbed his back to help break up the mucus inside.

“You’re really not doing well,” he muttered in worry.

Eren coughed out something thick and spat it into the handkerchief. “Can’t … leave you. They’d kill you.”

“Seriously, you could die.”

“I won’t!” he insisted with austere stubbornness. “But promise me something.” He looked down at the handkerchief he had coughed the sickly phlegm into. “If anything happens to me, if they take me away to a hospital, or if I…” He cut off the fatalistic words. “Promise me … get out of here! If I do die, then let me die knowing I saved your life.”

Levi studied him as Eren finally managed to breathe clearly. “Are you saying you’d die for me?”

Eren’s eyes shot up to him, and while it looked like an answer was immediately on his lips, he held it back.

Levi sighed in frustration and looked away. “Don’t talk about dying. It’ll bring misfortune.”

Eren flopped backward, tired from the struggle just to breathe. Levi poured out some tea for him and added a little sugar. Eren gladly took it and sipped. Then he saw the two plates.

“Ah! You made yourself breakfast after all. _Das ist ja wunderbar!_ ” That’s wonderful!

“It was a mistake. I wasn’t paying attention as I was cooking.”

Eren ate some eggs. “Mm! You’re an amazing cook. I almost feel like a spoiled husband, with you cooking breakfast for me.”

Levi blushed at the compliment and silently ate some sausage. “You need to watch yourself.”

“I’ll take my medicine without complaint, if you’re the one giving it to me.”

Levi sneered. “This is what I mean.”

Eren paused and saw Levi with a scowl pinched between his eyebrows. “What’s the matter?”

Levi’s gray-blue eyes slowly turned to him, filled with skepticism and more than a little worry. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes the way you act, the things you say, the way you look at me … it’s like you desire me.”

Eren’s whole body went still and his gaze remained fixed. Slowly, he swallowed his mouthful of food. “Is that so? I should watch myself.”

“You really should! Nazis … do not tolerate people like that.”

“I would know that better than anyone.”

Levi glared at how he said that. “You like women, don’t you?”

Eren laughed and sipped some tea. “What sort of question is that? Of course I do.”

“I just want to be sure you’re not going to rape me in the middle of the night.”

Now Eren looked furious. “Don’t you dare say I’d do something like that. Why would I want to do that to someone like _you_ when I can have any woman I want?”

Levi sighed in relief and nodded. “I just need to be sure. I’d hate to slit your throat.”

“Rest assured, I have never done anything lewd to men. Perhaps you’re confusing _lust_ with thinking of you as a … as a _little pet_.”

“A pet!” Levi bellowed in outrage.

Eren smirked playfully. “Quiet, pet, or you’ll wake the house.”

He sneered. “ _A khalerye_.” A curse on you.

Eren tilted his head in curiosity. “Is that Jewish? French has a romantic sound to it, but sometimes you say things that are very different, harsher, almost German in sound except not the right words.”

“Yiddish,” he muttered.

“Do Jews like to cuss in Yiddish?”

“No, but we can curse.”

“What’s the difference?”

Levi folded his arms. “A cuss word is crude and simple. It profanes the mouth.”

“But you cuss all the time.”

“I’m not a very good Jew,” Levi admitted. “A curse hopes that harm shall fall upon another without profaning the mouth with crude words. A curse is a wish wrapped in thorns.”

“So, you can say you hope they eat shit, but not call them a piece of shit?”

Levi snorted at the simplicity. “Something like that.”

“But you say _merde_ and _shit_ a lot.”

“As I said, I’m not a very good Jew. I didn’t care about any of that before this damn war.” He looked down at his sausage. “Like this.” He poked it with a fork. “I bet there’s pork in it. Before the war, I wouldn’t have cared. I loved ham and bacon. Now, I know there are Jews out there dying rather than give up their beliefs, so I feel a bit guilty. The logical side of me says, ‘food is food, it keeps you alive.’ My heart says, God told us not to eat that for a reason, so I should feel guilty.”

“Guilt is a delusion forced upon us by Jews to weaken those with a wavering mental fortitude.” Eren had taken Kitz Woermann’s words to heart. The struggle of feeling guilty about his actions really was a roadblock in his life.

Levi glared at him. “Whoever told you that should have their throat slit! But I do believe that guilt weakens us. Hell, I could have run away this morning, but if I did, I’d feel guilty for causing the deaths of all the others. That’s a guilt I can’t live with, yet I’m probably going to die for that choice.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t go down without a fight, and I won’t let guilt get me killed.” He stabbed the sausage and ate it, showing his stubborn determination to survive, even if it meant eating forbidden food. “In times like this, we do what we must to survive.” His eyes drifted off, remembering Petra again. “ _Vis, peu importe le prix._ ”

“What does that mean?”

“Live, no matter the price. They were the last words my wife said … before they shot her.” He shifted the scrambled eggs around on his plate. “Our neighbor had chickens, Petra grew herbs and potatoes, so we traded. I used to make her eggs every morning. Sometimes with sausage, sometimes _latkes_.”

“What are latkes?” Eren asked with interest.

“ _Pommes de terre rissolées_. Hash browns.” Still, Eren looked confused. “Potatoes, shredded and fried? Have you never had them?”

“Potato? A food? Sorry, I don’t know English words for food. Maybe my father never talked about food. I know a few words, like apple.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I made breakfast for Petra every morning. I was thinking about her in the kitchen, which is why I automatically made enough for two.”

“Well, keep doing it. I like having breakfast with you.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “I told you to watch yourself.”

“What? I said I like to have someone to talk with while I’m eating breakfast. I grew up eating every meal in the school _kantine_ , all of us together, talking about the coming day or how our classes were going. Then in the army, we all ate together. Even here, we eat together. Eating alone is no fun. It’s lonely.”

“I prefer to eat alone,” Levi said dourly.

“Did you hate eating with your wife?”

He shot a glare at Eren, but the young man looked earnestly concerned. “That was different. Every minute with her was a joy, even eating together.”

“You sure finished your breakfast quickly eating with me.”

He looked down and saw that, indeed, he had finished the food. “I’m probably going to shit all that out fast. I haven’t eaten like that in … a long time.”

“I want to make sure you eat well while you’re caring for me. In fact,” Eren said suddenly with a smug smile on his face, “you have to eat whatever I eat. You’ll make a meal big enough for us both, and you’ll show me you didn’t poison it by eating the same thing.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “You really are an idiot. If I wanted to poison you, I’d simply sprinkle it on after I cooked it.”

“And maybe I’ll switch the plates around on you, so you have to eat mine.”

“I’d obviously use a poison I have an immunity to.”

“You’ve never actually poisoned someone before, have you?”

“Not my style.”

“And what’s _your style_? You mentioned you were sent to Africa to kill a rebel, you slit a man’s throat in Poland while _working_ , you’ve said that you’ve killed many people, and you worked in London for eight years, but you would not say what you did.”

“You’re better off not knowing that part about me.”

“Oh!” he cried out with a gleam in his eyes. “Did you work with the Deuxième Bureau? I’ve heard of them, France’s military intelligence agency. I bet you were a French spy, right?”

Levi smirked. “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Eren chuckled and finished off his tea. “May I have more?”

Levi took his cup and poured in some more tea. Eren watched closely. As much as Levi snapped at him, he saw a faint turn to the corners of his lips. Perhaps God did listen to prayers, and he was answering Levi’s prayers by getting him a soft place to sleep, a hot meal, and a chance to smile, if only for a moment.

“Really, Levi, what did you do for a living?”

“I minded my own business,” he said, focused on the teacup.

“And killed people?”

He stirred in some sugar. “It happens in the military.”

“Did you like being a soldier?”

Levi took a moment to think over that question, before answering as he handed the steaming cup over to Eren. “Yes. For a time, I thought that was all I could ever be good at doing, until I was asked to do what I simply could not do.”

“What’s that?”

“Kill a child.”

Eren hummed and nodded. “Same. I’ve never been asked to kill civilians, but we hear stories, whole villages slaughtered, women and children. I can’t imagine it. I think I’d disobey.”

“Because you’re a good man.”

Eren began to blush, and his eyes shifted hard to the side. Before he could bask in the praise, his brows pinched together. Why was he so damn happy just because Levi praised him a little?

“Are you okay?” Levi asked, seeing the pained look on Eren’s face. “Do you hurt anywhere? Is your fever going up? Your face is red.”

“Maybe I need more sleep,” he grumbled. “Can you bathe while I rest? You really smell bad.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re allowed to use our bathroom. Ah, but maybe a sign to warn the others so they don’t walk in on you.” Eren grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and in a flowing script wrote simply _Juden_. “That should give you privacy. No one would walk in on a Jew.”

“They put signs like that on the latrines when we’re cleaning them. Do you want me to clean your toilet?”

“No, your duty is to attend me, not clean up after my men.”

“My _duty_ is to stay alive, even if that means keeping some Nazi swine alive. Regretfully unavoidable symbiosis.”

Eren’s face drew up, not sure what that meant. Rather than explain, Levi snatched the paper away and left to the bathroom, hoping to finish before the soldiers woke up and got mad at him for using their bathtub.

Once he was gone, Eren let out a long sigh. He stared at the two empty plates as the conversation replayed in his head.

“You like women, don’t you?” he repeated quietly, and he slowly shook his head. “ _Scheiße!_ ” He wiped sweat off his brow, slid down into the bed, and yanked the covers up to his chin. “ _Scheiße_ ,” he whispered, blaming the deep shivering on the fever.

He was still hiding away when the door creaked open and Armin peaked in, looking sleepy with his blond hair sticking out.

“ _Guten Morgen_.” Good morning.

Eren chuckled. “ _Dein Haar ist durcheinander_.” Your hair is a mess.

Armin tried to slick down the golden cowlicks. “The Jew is in the bathroom,” he whispered, thumbing back at the bathroom.

“Yes. He smells, so I ordered him to bathe.”

Armin smiled and stepped inside. “After making sure he had a good breakfast, I see. Why are you hiding like that? Are you cold?”

“I felt chills,” he muttered.

Armin stepped inside and rested his hand on Eren’s forehead. “You’re still burning up.”

“I’m fine,” he said, pulling away. “Armin, be honest: would you consider me manly?”

“You’re a strong soldier, Eren. Everyone gets sick from time to time. It doesn’t make you weak.”

“No, I mean … oh, nothing,” he sighed. “Have you ever wondered what we’d be doing right now if there wasn’t a war? Like, would you be married by now? Kids? What job would you want?”

Armin pitied Eren, assuming that the sickness was making him think about mortality. He settled down on the edge of the bed. “I’d like to get married one day and have a little family. I’m an only child, so I don’t think I could handle more than three kids. As for a job, I’d probably follow in the footsteps of my father and be a teacher.”

“I can imagine you teaching at a big university.” Eren chuckled and stared up at the ceiling. “Do you plan on finding a wife as soon as you’re out of the army?”

“Not right away. I think I need time to … well, to get back to normal.”

Eren hummed and nodded. After the horrors they had seen in this war, they all needed time to adjust back to _normal_ life.

“But,” Armin went on, “it would be nice to fall in love. I’ve never even kissed a girl.”

Eren chuckled. “Really? Not even a childhood kiss? Wasn’t there ever some girl back home, a classmate, a neighbor’s daughter?”

“Not really. I was a small child and the girls picked on me. What about you?”

Eren’s eyes drifted off with a sad smile. “I’ve kissed two people.”

“Really?” Armin said in shock. “No offense, sir, but you normally seem to avoid women, or you treat them distantly.”

Eren hummed in consternation. “Does it seem that way?”

“Yes! Especially when we were in Paris. You turned down women all the time, and usually Jean picked them up as they recovered from your rejections. I shouldn't say this, but Connie once joked that maybe you were homosexual. Don’t be too mad, he was drunk.”

Eren shook his head, gazing out with feverish cheeks. “I just never saw the point. I’m not like Jean, I don’t want to fuck a woman just to get it out of my system. I … have never fallen in love with a woman.”

“But at least you’ve kissed a few.”

He shrugged. “We were children, it was an experiment.”

“Still more than me. Don’t worry, sir. You’ll find a nice wife one day.”

Eren shrugged without much concern for that. “I can’t imagine settling down. To be honest, I’m not sure if I’d want to raise children. I don’t really see myself that way.”

“You … You _do_ plan on getting married _someday_ , right?”

Eren hummed and muttered, “I guess I just can’t see my life outside of war. Once it’s over, I wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do. My whole life has been one long training session to fight a war.” He looked over at the door, thinking about what Levi said, that he once thought being a soldier was the only thing he was good at. Obviously, he somehow settled into a pastoral life after years of killing. “I wonder what _he_ did before the war. He was married, you know.”

Armin looked amused. “You’re learning a lot about our little Jew.”

“Yet I feel like I know nothing about him. Oh hey, where’s that Jewish book I gave you?”

“He left it in his cell.”

“Shit! Can you go get it? If that book is discovered, he could get into a lot of trouble.”

“That book is important, isn’t it?”

Eren’s eyes softened as he remembered listening to Levi read from the Tanakh. “It belonged to his mother and is the most precious thing in the world to him.”

“So why do you have—” Armin’s words cut off. “You’re not keeping it out of blackmail; that’s not like you. No, you’re _protecting_ it. For him!”

“It keeps him in line.”

“He sure seems to stay in line without you holding onto it. He volunteered to watch over you, and he even fixed you breakfast.” Armin chuckled with envy. “I think he’s grown fond of you.”

Eren sputtered and blushed as he shouted, “Wh-What do you mean…”

Just then, Levi stepped into the room, his black hair damp and steam clinging to his clothes.

“You really like to look out for him,” Armin said in amusement, standing up from his perch on the bed. “I’ll get the book after breakfast. Any chance I can take your _little maid_ and have him fix me food as well?”

Eren laughed and grabbed Levi by the wrist, yanking him toward the bed. “ _Finde deinen eigenen Juden._” Find your own Jew.

“ _Du bist so besitzergreifend!_ ” You’re so possessive! Armin laughed as he walked away and left the bedroom.

Meanwhile, Levi yanked his arm back. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Eren leaned back and rested his eyes. “We were joking about who gets to keep you as a pet.”

“Fuck you both.” He put his hand on Eren’s forehead. “You’re still burning up. Dammit, I can’t get you more paracetamol yet.”

Eren hummed and felt his head drifting. “ _Wadenwickel und Schafgarbe_. Like what I did for you.”

“I’m not bathing you, _takhshet_.”

Eren giggled softly. “Every time you call me that, it’s like you’re calling me _darling_.”

“I’m calling you a brat, asshole.”

“Like how a mother calls her child names.”

“Seriously, shut up. You’re rambling nonsense. Try to sleep off the fever.”

“ _Ja, liebe Mutter_.” Yes, mother dear. His voice drifted off, and Eren was quickly out.

Levi pouted and felt his forehead again. Eren really was burning up. He took a towel and went to the kitchen to wet it. Then he wrapped it around Eren’s legs, like what Eren had done when Levi was feverish with illness. He stroked some sweat-soaked strands of hair off Eren’s forehead.

He muttered to the sleeping soldier, “With a mere child like you, of course I act like a doting mother, you asshole.” His hand rested on Eren’s hair, and his eyes softened. “ _Takhshet_ ,” he whispered.

He heard the bathroom door open, and Levi’s hand yanked back off Eren’s head. He cursed under his breath and walked to the window as he saw Armin’s shadow shuffling through the hallway. Outside, the sun was just starting to rise, casting long shadows in the street as soldiers changed shifts and began their morning patrols.

He heard a groan behind him. “Levi?”

He turned around and saw Eren with his face pinched in a feverish nightmare. Levi walked back over, smoothed out the tension in his brow, and Eren slipped into better dreams with a sigh.

“ _Es tut mir leid_ ,” Eren apologized in a mumble without waking up.

Levi stroked Eren’s head and softly sang a lullaby.

“ _Do, do, l’enfant do,  
_ _L’enfant dormira bien vite._  
 _Do, do, l’enfant do,  
_ _L’enfant dormira bientôt.”_

A relaxed smile melted over Eren’s flushed cheeks, so boyish, and he drifted off into a calm sleep. Levi kept caressing Eren’s head as he whispered, “ _Fais de beaux rêves et un bon rétablissement._ ” Sweet dreams and a speedy recovery.

# # #

# #

#

_Levi is singing an old French lullaby, “L’enfant do.” Here in the United States, we learned a few French songs in elementary school, including this one. -<https://youtu.be/11P4zsDr6Ss>_

_Before 1933, Germany had a vibrant gay community. Many openly gay men joined the Nazi Party, including Ernst Röhm, co-founder of the Sturmabteilung (SA) and close friend of Adolf Hitler. The Nazi Party had strong anti-gay policies, but Hitler tried to protect Röhm at first, insisting that rumors about his homosexuality were lies spread by Jews, although Röhm was fairly open about his sexuality. As soon as Hitler felt Röhm was a liability and his party was determined to wipe out all gay people, Hitler had him murdered._

_Shortly after the deaths of Röhm and many other prominent gay men in the Nazi Party, Heinrich Himmler became very active in the suppression of homosexuality. He exclaimed: “We must exterminate these people root and branch… the homosexual must be eliminated.” Himmler created a special division of the Gestapo,_ Reichszentrale zur Bekämpfung der Homosexualität und Abtreibung _(Reich Central Office for the Combating of Homosexuality and Abortion)._

_A non-Jewish homosexual could escape prison and death by agreeing to marry the opposite sex and having a child. The Nazi’s key point was that in order to create a “master race,” Germans were expected to procreate prolifically. Thus, a gay man or lesbian woman decreased Germany’s population growth and served no purpose to Aryan society._

_One million Germans were accused of being homosexual, 100,000 were arrested, 50,000 refused to conform and were imprisoned, hundreds were castrated, and an estimated 5,000 to 15,000 were sent to concentration camps. There, homosexuals wore a pink triangle and received particularly sadistic treatment, with a death rate of 60%._

_So Levi was right: Nazis do not tolerate homosexuality._


	14. Paris Est Délivré

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren starts to realize he and Levi are political enemies as a major loss for Germany is celebrated by the French.

After a week, Eren was well again. During that time, he had sneaked as much medicine to Levi as he could without arousing suspicion. Levi helped with the nurse tending Eren, and when they were alone, Eren tended Levi’s scars on his back from the lashing, rubbing on ointments and removing the stitches on the severe ones Armin had sutured.

During this time, Levi got to eat normal food—albeit military rationed. He had to admit, by the time Eren was deemed healthy enough to return to duty, he also felt much better, recovered from the tortures he had been through over the past month.

He was also a bit spoiled, having a clean room to sleep in, a sink to wash up in whenever he wanted to, and a real toilet. Sleeping next to Eren was annoying the first two nights, but by the end it felt strangely comforting. He even woke up one night to find Eren had wrapped his arms around Levi’s legs and snuggled against his feet. Levi just sighed and fell back to sleep. He felt strangely _protected_ letting Eren hold him in the night, and that was a feeling Levi had not experienced before, probably never in his entire life.

When the fever broke and Eren was deemed healthy enough to return to his duties, he had a meeting with his platoon. Levi was left to rest upstairs in the bedroom while the German soldiers argued between themselves. When the discussion was over, Eren returned to the room with a defeated look.

“I tried to convince them to keep you here as a personal servant. Armin and Thomas liked the idea, Jean, Connie, Franz, and the rest were against it.”

Levi sighed and shook his head. “Obviously that wouldn’t be allowed. I could kill you all in the night and escape.”

“If you really wanted to do that, you already would have.” Eren looked miserably apologetic. “You have to go back to the dungeon.”

“I expected as much,” Levi said, trying to be coldly logical about this. Still, his hand touched the quilt on the bed. “It was nice while it lasted.”

Eren took a bold step forward. “Yes, it was.”

Levi looked over, but something about those teal eyes made his heart race and ache. He stomped over to the window to escape that tender gaze. “You should take me back.”

“Levi—”

“Now!” He sneered as he whispered, “And take care of yourself, _takhshet_.”

Eren smiled at hearing that reluctant compassion. “You too. Stay out of trouble.”

He walked Levi back to the castle dungeon, thanking him once again before locking him in his cell. Eren had color in his cheeks and was eager to get lots of sunshine, while Levi stared around at the darkness closing in around him.

He had to go back to eating watery broth and stale bread, randomly hit by soldiers for no reason other than they thought it was fun to beat up a Jew, spending from sunrise to long past sunset hunched over toilets or cooking pots, his hands getting rough and raw from lye soap and scratchy scrub brushes. It reinforced the miserable position he was in: a prisoner, not much more than a slave to Nazis.

It might have almost been tolerable if he could have seen Eren a few times, but the young lieutenant was determined to catch up with work. The few times Levi caught sight of him around town, Eren was surrounded by other soldiers, either deep in conversation with officers, or goofing around with his platoon mates. Levi’s heart felt warm to see him enjoying life, but then a chill sank in as he felt like he had been forgotten.

He risked getting sick to care for Eren, and Eren could not even be bothered to glance his way.

“As it should be,” Levi muttered to himself. If Eren had continued to be friendly with him, he would probably scold him to watch himself. Wasn’t this precisely what he had been telling Eren to do for weeks? To _not_ be too friendly? To _not_ slip down into the dungeon and risk others thinking he was sympathetic to the enemy?

So why did it hurt when Eren actually obeyed and stopped favoring him? Why did he miss that bed and feeling Eren cuddling his legs in the night?

_Stupid Nazi swine!_

Saturday rolled around, and Eren finally showed up with a few members of his platoon.

“Bath time!” he announced, but he said nothing else to Levi, unlocking his door with a brief two seconds of their eyes meeting, then moving on to the next door.

He marched the Jews down to the river to bathe. The women finally felt at ease, knowing Eren watched out for them and never once whistled or stared at them suggestively. So Levi was able to bathe with the men while the women bathed a few meters upriver. They went back to the castle, Eren secretly handed over the Tanakh for only as long as it took him and his men to eat in the castle kitchens, and he took it back after their meal was done. A few words, exchanged, that was all.

“So, how have you been?”

“I’m a slave to Nazi scum. How are your lungs?”

“Doing well, thanks to you. I have to get going to a meeting. Take care.”

“Thank you for continuing to keep my book safe.”

“ _Natürlich!_ ” Of course!

That was all. A few words, and Eren avoided him for the rest of the week. Levi began to look forward to the sabbath for reasons other than religion. Annoyingly, he found himself eager to see Eren again, even if they barely talked anymore.

* * *

June rolled into July, and the early summer of 1944 passed by. On the Normandy coast, Germany had lost 97 kilometers of beach, with Allies surging as much as fifteen kilometers inland. Estimates were that 875,000 Allies had gathered for what was obviously staging to be a large offensive by the combined British, French, Canadian, and American troops.

For the moment, this “invasion” was a speck on the map, but a troublesome speck that cost many lives.

On the 20th of July, a plot to assassinate Hitler failed. The Führer was injured and four people in the room with Hitler were killed in the blast. It led to every member of the Wehrmacht needing to reaffirm their oath of loyalty to Hitler.

In the scorching July sun, Eren stood with all the others in the village square, loudly declaring the oath.

* * *

“ _Ich schwöre bei Gott diesen heiligen Eid,_  
_daß ich dem Führer des Deutschen Reiches und Volkes_  
_Adolf Hitler, dem Oberbefehlshaber der Wehrmacht,_  
_unbedingten Gehorsam leisten und als tapferer Soldat bereit sein will,_  
_jederzeit für diesen Eid mein Leben einzusetzen._ ”

“I swear to God this sacred oath  
that to the Leader of the German Reich and people,  
Adolf Hitler, supreme commander of the armed forces,  
I shall render unconditional obedience and that as a brave soldier  
I shall at all times be prepared to give my life for this oath.”

* * *

Also, rather than a military salute, they were required to only give the _Hitlergruß_ , Hitler Salute. Twice, Eren unthinkingly saluted with his hand simply up to his hat saying _“Jawohl_ ” rather than his arm straight out saying “ _Heil Hitler_ ,” and was swiftly reminded to only give the _Hitlergruß_ from now on.

Then August came, and to the Germans, it was like the impossible happened all at once. Allies, including the French Forces of the Interior, were on the move. On August 4th, they liberated Rennes, the capital city of Brittany. The Allies were marching south, blitzing through France. Ten days later, American and French troops landed in Côte d’Azur, and the Germans there, weakened by troops being relocated north, had little choice but to flee before the surging might and air superiority. While the Germans were retreating to Dijon, the French captured the ports of Marseille and Toulon. The German Army was on the run.

Then, on the 25th of August, they got the shocking news.

Eren stormed into the house where his platoon was drinking and playing cards, and he threw his hat across the room in rage.

“ _Verdammt_ ,” he shouted, as if he had been holding that curse in for hours.

Armin came up timidly. “Bad news?”

“We lost Paris.”

Everyone in the house shouted in shock and gathered around.

“British? Americans?” Jean asked anxiously.

“No. The Parisians themselves. The city police, armed civilians, even children helped to set up barricades in the streets. The French army did not even show up until things were practically over. It was just … civilians. Fighting for their city.”

Connie laughed. “They’ll bomb the whole thing, no big deal.”

Armin looked worried. “I heard a rumor that the Führer said Paris should be obliterated if the Allies try to take it.”

Eren slumped on a seat, his hands in fists. “The order was sent to General Choltitz to level Paris before ever surrendering. He ignored a direct order from Hitler and handed over the city after only a few days of skirmishes.”

“Traitor!” Jean screamed.

“Or protector?” Armin offered timidly. “What would have been gained from destroying Paris? Nothing, and we would have wasted artillery on a purely vain move. Think of all that could have been lost. All that history. All that culture.”

Eren leaned back and stared at the cracked ceiling. “I liked Paris. We weren’t there for long, but I’d like to return one day. I didn’t even get to see the Louvre.”

He growled, torn between being glad that the city that had been his refuge after the hell of Anzio was safe, and enraged that it was now home to Allies, no longer proudly flying the _Parteiflagge_. Many Germans had died to capture Paris—Jean was screaming about how his cousin died in the Battle of Arras—so Eren’s first instinct was to be enraged.

What right did General Choltitz have to simply surrender against an insurrection of mere civilians? Did he even _try_ to contain the situation? How dare he disobey Hitler! How could a coward like that rise to the rank of General, and how could a traitor like him be placed in control of a city as important as Paris?

Yet maybe because he lived in Paris and saw its beauty, General Choltitz understood better than anyone that Paris was simply not _Paris_ without the history and culture that were a part of its very soul. Without all that, it was merely another city. If they simply bombed it to the dust, the sacrifice of German soldiers to capture the city was all in vain.

Eren yanked himself out of these frustratingly complicated thoughts, picked his cap back up, and dusted it off.

“I came to tell you that. I don’t know what it will mean for us here. Maybe nothing for a while, maybe we’ll be sent to finish the job that General Choltitz refused to do. You may want to write home to your families, but do not mention this loss.” He turned aside.

“Where are you going?” Armin called out.

“To smoke and to take my aggression out on a Jew.”

Connie barked a laugh at that, but Armin pouted with worry.

Eren stepped outside and lit up a cigarette. _Damn it all!_ This war had seemed all but won until the Americans butted in. Now, in just two months, they had taken over the Normandy coast, Romania left the Axis to join the Allies, in the east Poles were rising up, they lost Brest-Litovsk, Minsk, Florence, Rome, and many other key cities. Now Paris! Not only that, but someone tried to bomb Hitler.

“What is going on with Germany?” Eren growled, nearly crushing his cigarette.

What was the scene like back home? What was going on in Berlin? They were probably lucky not to be in all these war zones, being forced to retreat, but still! He was stuck in some quiet French town, helplessly sitting there, hearing reports of defeats, surrenders, and mass retreats all around him, unable to rush out there and help in the fight.

Why was it all falling apart so suddenly?

Hitler had promised to make Germany great, a power that would lead the entire world, as befitting their Aryan heritage.

Now, he had ordered Paris to be leveled. Choltitz disobeyed direct orders, and Eren found he agreed with the general who was deemed a traitor by Germany. He heard that upon fleeing Florence, the German army destroyed many historical buildings. What was the point? All that history … _Europe’s_ history! Destroyed. For what? Because they didn’t get their way? There was no tactical reason to destroy culturally significant buildings. There was no tactical advantage in leveling Paris to the ground.

If he was ordered to burn down this village before leaving…

If he was ordered to slaughter all the Jews before leaving…

“ _Verdammt!_ ” he hissed, and he stomped out his cigarette.

Eren marched to the castle. He honestly had not been keeping up with the Jews over the past month. First, he was pushed to catch up with work, then he was called in to translate English chatter on the radio. He was ready to leave this small town, to return to the fight! More than once, he almost volunteered his platoon for the front lines so his tired compatriots still battling the Allies could rest.

Then he thought about the Jews under his protection.

Not really under _his_ protection, of course. He was powerless to truly save them.

Still, he felt torn. He wanted to help in the war effort, but so long as no orders came to leave, he could continue to help people here.

 _Jewish_ people, though!

Wasn’t he being a traitor, same as Choltitz?

He stomped down, but the dungeon was empty. He roamed around the town. Where was Levi working now? They had rarely needed him as a translator, and Eren no longer knew his schedule. Cleaning, at least. Always cleaning. It was the only reason the Germans kept these Jews around, to take care of the _worst_ cleaning duties, things the locals did not want to do and the soldiers only did as punishment.

He saw a local man holding a French newspaper with the words _Paris Est Délivré_. Eren yanked the paper from the man’s hands, and the poor villager ran off in terror. Eren rolled the paper up to hide the title. He then walked up to a group of German soldiers.

“That Jew who knows English. Is he still around? He’s needed for translating.”

“I don’t know, _Herr Leutnant_ , but Schmidt complained about seeing some of those filthy Jews down by the bakery.”

Eren went to the baker, but Levi was not there; however, the baker said a group was sent to another part of the town. It took Eren a bit of asking around, but finally he found Levi scrubbing toilets again.

“Levi. I want you to read something. Now! _Schnell!_ ”

Levi set aside a scrub brush and rose slowly, holding his back after being bent over for so many hours scrubbing on his knees. Eren took him down to the river, away from the noise of the village. Once they were away from the main road, with the babbling of the river and the songs of birds, Eren handed over the rolled-up newspaper.

“Read this, but not aloud.”

At first Levi figured that Eren needed the newspaper to be translated. Then he unrolled it and saw the title. He looked up to Eren with massive, astonished eyes.

“Is this for real?” he asked, his voice already shivering.

“Considering how furious _Hauptmann_ Woermann is and all the chatter on the radios, it’s certainly no dream.”

“Paris … is liberated?”

“Only the city. We still hold most of the country.” Eren took a seat on the riverbank atop a tuft of clovers and stretched his army boots out. He tapped out another cigarette, rested it between his lips, and struck a match. “Read quickly. You have until I finish smoking.”

Levi sat down and poured over the paper, reading everything. Eren watched as he puffed on the cigarette, letting it burn slowly.

What was a horrible defeat and had Germans screaming the word _traitor_ was the best news the French people had in four years.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. Politically, he and Levi were enemies. Personally, though? He wanted to think they were close to being friends. Maybe that was optimistic, not to mention dangerous.

He also knew he had not been a very good friend. After a week sleeping in the same bed and eating all their meals together, he had purposely put distance between them. Part of it was that he was honestly swamped with work, part of it was that the captain had seemed to forget that Jews were even around, so he did not want to remind Kitz by doing anything suspicious, and part of it was his own squad looking out for him. The first week after recovering from pneumonia, every time Eren seemed to be walking in the direction of the castle, Jean warned him against it. He might have put up with his commanding officer using a Jew as a nurse, but he was not about to silently watch as Eren continued to risk his life with befriending the enemy.

Forced to stay away, he saw the danger in getting too close. Even now, his eyes lingered on Levi … and that was risky.

He let his cigarette burn as low as possible. Then he lit up another. Levi did not even realize, he was so enthralled with the news, committing every detail to memory so he could tell the other Jews later. Eren wondered if they would celebrate and sing some French songs in the dungeon that night.

That cigarette burned out, and still Levi read. Eren leaned back against a tree to listen to the peaceful trickling of the river.

Let him! Let him have this moment, this glimpse of the world around him, this glimmer of hope. Heaven knows, he needed it.

Finally, Levi leaned up and stared straight ahead. He was speechless and shook his head, torn between wanting to cry with joy and knowing deep in his heart, this German loss would make his own life hell.

“What will your platoon do?”

“No orders yet. We’re to maintain this position and not fall back. If the people begin to revolt like they did in Paris, my orders are to open fire.”

“On civilians?” Levi asked in horror.

Eren sneered in distaste. “I don’t like it, but orders are orders.”

“And you follow orders,” Levi muttered, remembering the sting of the whip.

“When I must, yes. If they are trying to kill me or my men, I will eliminate any threat, whether if they’re wearing a uniform or not. I don’t like it,” he grumbled, “but the lives of my men come first.”

Eren glanced back at the village and the traffic on the road going to the river. If they were alone, if so many people did not already know that Eren had been searching for this Jew … the river was not too wide. Two minutes, maybe three if Levi was stealthy, he could be across and off to freedom. Just two minutes! Eren shook his head, banishing the regret that he could not disobey rules for at least this.

“My suggestion to you: stay down. Look for an opening. I’d let you cross this river right now, but we’re not completely alone. So wait for your chance and take it. Don’t hesitate.”

Levi gazed up at Eren. “I’ve planned to do that from the beginning, but I won’t if it means the rest of my people will suffer.”

“Your conscience again?”

“It’s a good thing to have.” Levi debated something, but finally decided to go on. “If I vanish one day, know I’m grateful for all you’ve done. I don’t like saying this to a Nazi bastard like you, but … I owe you my life. I hope that someday, I can pay back this debt.”

“Jews don’t like being in debt,” Eren teased.

“A good Jew never falls into such a deep debt as this,” Levi retorted with a playful gleam in his eye. He turned aside to hide from such a lighthearted feeling. Maybe it was just giddiness from the news about Paris.

“Levi,” he whispered. Eren looked up the road toward the forest, a refuge that was so close, yet so far away. “If you ever escape from here, where do you plan to go?”

His eyes widened fractionally. “Anywhere else! To be honest, my goal is to make it to America. I have a cousin there, I already know English, and Jews are accepted. There is not a war on American soil at the moment. Even if the war spreads there, a country that large, you could hide anywhere. I’ve heard that you can walk for days and days and not see a single person.”

“Sounds lonely.”

“I will take loneliness over another night in a filthy prison cell.”

Eren looked down and twirled his finger around a clover flower. “Company might be nice.”

The furrow in Levi’s brow deepened. “What the hell are you saying, _takhshet_?”

“Nothing,” he said, smiling to himself.

“Eren!” he warned sternly.

He stopped playing with the flower and stood up. “You should get back.”

“What did you mean by that? Are you thinking about deserting the army?”

“No! It’s nothing, okay. Nothing!” Eren scowled and dropped his head. “I just know _me_. I don’t always follow rules. I break them all the time in my own way, and I could get in trouble someday. I’ve thought about that. What would I do if that happened? Where could I possibly run? I hate the British; I would never go there. Americans are almost as bad, but I guess I don’t have any real reason to hate them. I hear there are many Germans in America. A place with no people around, solitude for as far as you can see, no people to judge me, to hate me … maybe then, I will not get into trouble.”

“Seriously, what do you mean? In trouble over what?”

Eren laughed bitterly and turned his face to the river. “For being _me_.”

Levi began to step forward, reaching out hesitantly. “Eren—”

“Get away!” he screamed, but he caught his breath immediately. He trembled as he looked at Levi, those dark eyes so soft and worried about him. “Don’t … Don’t touch me.”

Levi pulled back, seeing utter terror in the young soldier’s face. Eren suddenly grabbed the newspaper out of Levi’s hand and ripped it in half.

“France shall not fall, not to the Allies, not to anyone! It will never happen. Never! Hitler shall walk through the streets of Paris again. Germany is strong. Aryans are strong! _Heil Hitler!_ ” he yelled, but his face flinched. “Now, get back to your duties, Jew. That’s an order.”

Levi grumbled in Yiddish, “ _Nem Zich a vaneh._ ” Go jump in a lake. He trudged back up the riverbank and followed the village road.

Eren watched him go, and his eyes drifted down to Levi’s rump. “It will never happen,” he whispered. “Never. It can never … happen … because for being _me_ … I could be killed.” A convulsive chill ran through his body, and he spun away as his teeth clenched to stop shivering. “ _Verdammt! Das ist warum ich mich von dir fern gehalten habe. Ich bring dir noch den Tod._ ” Dammit! This is why I stayed away from you. I’ll bring you death.

He threw the torn newspaper into the river and watched it float away, just as it seemed like France, and victory of this war, was floating out of the grasp of Germany.

# # #

# #

#

_[**Parteiflagge**](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/cf/Flag_of_the_NSDAP_%281920%E2%80%931945%29.svg/1024px-Flag_of_the_NSDAP_%281920%E2%80%931945%29.svg.png) = “Party Flag,” the flag of the Nazi Party, consisting of a hakenkreuz (swastika turned at an angle to create a hooked cross) on a white disk upon a red field._

_[**Battle of Arras**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Arras_\(1940\)) – during the Battle of France in 1940, the British and French tried to take a stand in the Battle of Arras. While they initially made the Germans panic, they simply did not have the manpower to hold the line. However, they bought the Allies time to evacuate the mainland from Dunkirk, rescuing over 300,000 soldiers. There were 300 German casualties, and 100 British soldiers were killed, while 200 were captured as prisoners of war. 80 of these Allied prisoners were murdered in the [Wormhoudt massacre](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wormhoudt_massacre), which was reenacted in the [2004 BBC docudrama "Dunkirk."](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0400391/)_

_The newspaper Eren saw was the headline from “L’Aube.”_

_**Nem Zich a vaneh** – “go jump in a lake,” my mother-in-law’s favorite Yiddish curse. She will even tell the dog to go jump in a lake._

_Yiddish cursing is an art form. They come in the form of predictions (“may you have...”) or implications of misfortune without directly stating them. (“Go jump in a lake” = go drown.) Bonus points if they invoke the Bible. “May God bless you with the best of the Ten Plagues” is a classic Jewish curse._

_The best curses start off sounding pleasant until you get to the end, where it hits with a zinger that can leave a room laughing, increasing the humiliation in a way that calling a person a “bastard” just doesn’t do. Why say “I hope you die” when there are things worse than death, like being forced to live in agony or humiliation. “May you live to 120 with a boil on your ass.” Ouch! Or “May you have more sons and daughters than Job, without your wife ever discovering that you’re sterile.” Boom! Not only calling into question the bastard’s fertility, but also saying his wife cheats on him._

_In the 21st century, Yiddish curses have taken a modern flare. “May your tweets always be one character too long. May you take the perfect Instagram photo and not get a single like. May you become an internet meme for all the wrong reasons. May your phone’s battery drop to 1% just as your crush calls you.” Or every writer’s nightmare, “May your tweet trend because of a grammar mistake.” (A literal nightmare of mine that came true on Tumblr and haunts me to this day!)_

_In the United States, 80% of Jews are Democrats, and the Republican Party has a bad reputation in the Jewish community, considering most neo-Nazi groups identify as Republicans. (NOT saying all Republicans are antisemitic, it’s just an awful statistic.) This has led to a new Yiddish curse: “May your child grow up to be a Republican.” I overheard someone say this curse to my mother-in-law: “May you live long enough to see your son become a Republican, and may he vote to cut healthy care one day before you’re diagnosed with cancer.” Yikes! That’s bitter, yet ironic, because my husband actually is a Republican. (To be fair, he recently changed to Libertarian because he strongly disagrees with the changes Trump made to the party.)_


	15. Dignity Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the loss of Paris, the Nazis are angry, and Hauptmann Woermann decides to make an example out of two French Jews. His diabolical plan triggers many dark memories in Eren, and will result in many nightmares to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a **trigger warning** at the start of this story. I would like to reiterate that.
> 
> This story contains graphic violence, homophobic and antisemitic language, racial discrimination, portrayals of the Holocaust, including scenes of war, death, interrogation, torture, dehumanization, sexual assault, executions, and basically every horrific thing you can imagine from a story set in WWII. If you are sensitive to any of these, proceed with caution.

It was the sort of late August day that made northern France one of the best places on Earth, in Levi’s opinion. The sunshine made his skin tingle as he scrubbed out a cauldron that had cooked something savory for the soldiers. The smell of that leftover food made his stomach tighten.

He missed real food. Once, he despised the idea of eating something that had been cooked for Germans, but after living with Eren, he realized that food was food. Whether if it was made for the enemy, or even made from pork, to stay alive he needed to eat. He got to eat like a normal person while tending to Eren’s sickbed, but that teased taste of savory food left behind a sense of longing that he had thought he suppressed after four years running from Nazis.

As his gut made a decidedly furious growl, he could hardly help himself. He reached into the pot, to a spot with a portion of a potato stuck against the cast iron. It was hard, baked on, but he dug it off with his nails. He popped the wedge into his mouth, and for a moment his mind flashed into the past.

“Petra,” he sighed.

She had loved growing herbs and potatoes, and she was so proud of her cast iron pots and pans, passed down from her grandmother. She would cook meals with lamb chops, potatoes, carrots, and anything she could get to grow in the garden. Her smile was his sun, her laugh his manna, her cooking…

“ _Jude!_ ”

His eyes flashed in anger as the good memory was interrupted. Kitz Woermann had rarely approached any of the Jews, and for that they were glad. The few times he had, Levi often had to tend to the damage he left in his wake.

The captain’s bulging eyes were not wild, but insidious this time. Levi stared him down. This would be a fight, he already knew it. The question was, just how bad, and did he dare to defend himself?

The captain seemed to be questioning him, but Levi stared in silence. One of these days, he would have to ask Eren to teach him some German, just so he could know what the hell was going on.

As Levi sat there eying Kitz, he realized his mind had switched into that of the soldier he once had been. He calculated five ways to kill this man, and twenty ways to escape any sort of attack, besides Kitz pulling out his gun and shooting Levi point-blank. Even with that, the pot in his hands would deflect a bullet, if he had time to lift it as a shield.

What he had not anticipated were two soldiers who managed to sneak up behind him without a sound. Levi realized too late, this was more than just a mindless rant.

They made a grab at him, and Levi twirled out of their grip. He was on his feet, crouched low. He heard Kitz shouting commands, but his focus remained on the other soldiers. They were well-built and swift. The fact that they managed to sneak up on him showed to Levi that these men were not to be underestimated. They were well-trained, and he realized he was in some serious danger. Whatever the captain was up to, it was not going to be a mere punched face or cracked rib.

_Dammit, where’s Eren when I need him?_

He despised the idea that he felt he needed that young German soldier, but without knowing what the captain wanted, without someone there to calm things down, Levi was running out of options.

Fight!

Yet he knew, if he fought he very well might be killed, simply shot dead. Then again, he might take one of them with him.

No, fighting was stupid. He needed to survive. He had promised Petra…

Levi calmed himself, and as repugnant as it was, he raised his hands in surrender. The two men charged, and immediately his arms were yanked behind him. He expected that much. Then came the punch to the gut. Also expected; he would have done no differently. Other hits, he figured were warranted. He had resisted and faced off for a moment, after all.

It all hurt, but Levi had known worse. What annoyed him was how far they had wrenched back his arm. The strain on his shoulder was beginning to burn, and one thing he could not afford was to have a torn tendon. Those healed too slowly. Broken bones healed quicker.

Finally, they seemed to be satisfied with their punishment, and Levi was shoved forward. Thankfully, only one held him, and merely by the collar of his shirt. The other had his gun pointed into Levi’s back as they forced him to march.

He kept his head high as he was paraded down one of the town’s main streets and into a square. Kitz was barking orders again, and Levi tried to keep calm. If they wanted him dead, he would already be so. Soldiers were calling out orders all around, and he saw that they were being gathered, all of them, the entire company. He heard the German words _alle Soldaten_ , which meant the call was for _all the soldiers_.

This was going to be a public display.

Levi cursed to himself. This had to be about the liberation of Paris. The captain likely wanted to show Germany’s superiority over France. Picking one of the villagers could cause a rebellion, which was precisely what they were ordered to prevent.

So they picked a Jew as the victim, enough to spur on the soldiers disparaged by the loss, but without too much fear from the populace.

After all, how many of these villagers cared about a Jew, even one who was also French?

* * *

Eren opened the door to a frantic knock and was shocked to see one of the local girls.

“Krista!” he exclaimed, remembering the French girl who spoke German, and who had given him some of her bread after he warned her not to make her bilingual knowledge known.

“ _Sie müssen mit mir kommen!_ ” You must come with me!

He quickly hushed her. If anyone knew that a French villager spoke German, Levi lost his usefulness as a translator.

She dropped her voice to a whisper. “ _Die jüdischen Gefangenen liegen Ihnen am Herzen, oder?_ ” The Jewish prisoners are special to you, right?

Eren felt a clench in his chest. Why would she care about the prisoners, unless… “What’s happening?” He felt his pulse already racing with dread.

She shook her head. “I only heard a little. Two Jews, the town square, they are trying to gather all the German soldiers, a display … I’m sorry, I did not catch much. I just know it’s bad. The soldiers, they said … get _you_ , get Jäger, so you can tell that Jewish translator to warn the women and children to stay away.”

“Stay away?”

“Whatever this is about, it will be that bad. Bad enough so that your captain does not want women to see.”

Eren felt sick to his stomach. “Where’s Levi? The bilingual one? Did you see him?”

“In the square already under guard. I saw them bringing another up along the street. They said _two_ would get punished.”

“ _Verdammt!_ ”

Eren ran past her, racing through the streets at a speed that almost made him trip over his heavy boots. Levi! What the hell was the captain planning to do to him?

As he reached the town square, Eren saw that he was already too late. Kitz Woermann was there, as were the other two officers and a half dozen regular soldiers. Levi had a rifle in his back. Their eyes met briefly, and Eren saw in those narrow eyes a look he had seen once before, a nightmare from his childhood, eyes that knew it was too late for him, so he should save himself.

“ _Mein Gott, nicht wieder._ ” My God, not again.

“Jäger!” Kitz shouted out.

Eren knew this was bad, because the captain was smiling. Shoving down his dread, he approached.

“I’m glad they found you so quickly.”

“I just happened to be here, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he lied. “What’s going on?”

“A public reminder, that’s all. Given the current atmosphere and the orders coming from Berlin, I want this to be a show only for us Germans. Have this Jew tell the French to send their women and children away.”

Eren had been to public displays like this. The ones he had witnessed were hangings. Glancing around, he realized they were near a tall tree that would serve that purpose. When Eren saw hangings, they had been slow and horrible, no quick drop and a snapped neck. One man hung from the tree for ten minutes before simply being shot.

“If I may, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said, “if you wish to avoid French interference, the town square is the worst place. It should be just we Germans. The field outside of town, perhaps.” Eren knew there were no trees out in that field. At least Levi would not be hanged.

Kitz looked confused for a moment, but then his sick smile spread. “Brilliant, Jäger. A field will do just as well, and there will be plenty of room for everyone.” He slapped Eren on the back. “You have a sharp mind, a trait of fine schooling.”

“Thank the Führer and Napola,” Eren said, forcing a proud smile.

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ” bellowed Kitz.

Despite the sickness in his gut, Eren returned the cheer. “ _Heil Hitler._ ”

The group beginning to gather were ordered to go to the field. Just as they were marching forward, two others arrived with the Jew named Moses between them, obviously confused and terrified. He was shoved close to Levi, and the two stayed together, realizing their lives were now in peril.

Eren stayed close to Kitz as they moved through the streets, but gradually he drifted away. As the captain turned to speak with _Leutnant_ Gunther Schultz, Eren slipped over to Levi, close enough to whisper to him in English.

“What did you do?” he hissed.

“How the hell should I know! Maybe because I ate a piece of burnt potato off a pot I was cleaning. Maybe this bug-eyed bastard has decided he’s sick of knowing we clean up his shit.”

“You did nothing?” asked Eren.

“Not to provoke him. I may have yanked away when his men suddenly grabbed me, but that’s it. I’m as confused as you are. Look, _takhshet_ …” Levi sighed as the furrow between his brows deepened. “Promise me one thing. Whatever they do, don’t stop it. If they beat me, don’t shout. If they shoot me, don’t weep. If they hand you the whip again … do it!”

Eren looked down at the small man in sadness. “Levi…”

“Survive this! Do you understand? Be strong. Live, no matter the price.” His throat began to choke up, realizing those had been the last words Petra said to him, and now here he was, telling this Nazi soldier the same thing. Still, Eren was not just some _Nazi swine_ anymore. “You’re a good man,” he whispered, “the sort of man Europe needs if it’s going to recover from all these years of war. So don’t do anything stupid. Survive this damn war, and no matter which side wins, promise me you’ll do whatever you can to make Europe a better place.”

Eren gulped hard but forced himself to stiffen up, already obeying his orders. “You … You make a good captain, Levi.”

“In another time and place, I was one,” he reminded the young lieutenant. “If you’re willing to take an order from a former French soldier, then obey mine. Don’t do anything stupid. Survive however you can, and don’t regret anything you must do to live on.”

“No regrets,” Eren said in a solemn promise.

Eren feared that this might be the last conversation they had together; however, the Germans still needed Levi as a translator, that much was obvious simply because of situations like earlier. In fact, with threats of rebellion amongst the French, they needed Levi more than ever.

Eren guessed they would hang one, and if any harm came to Levi, it would be non-fatal. Another flogging? Was that why he mentioned a whip?

“ _Takhshet_ ,” Levi whispered again as they marched over the wildflowers. “All of us Jews— _all_ of us—are glad for what you’ve done so far.”

Eren looked over sharply. “You’re not going to die, Levi,” he insisted.

“Probably not,” he agreed, although he gave a sad look to the man next to him. Moses at least looked like he knew he was doomed. “Still, there are plenty of things worse than death, and much a man can suffer through without dying.”

“Levi…”

“I’m not afraid of pain. So long as I have my life and my dignity, I will survive this, one way or another.”

“And … him?” Eren looked over to the other Jew.

“His name is Moses.”

The other Jew looked over at hearing his name. “ _Qu’est-ce qui se passe?_ ” What is it?

“ _Il s’inquičte pour toi._ ” He is worried about you.

Moses spoke, and after he was done, Levi translated. “He says, he’s scared, but he has been prepared from the beginning of this war to do whatever it takes to survive. He’s also been prepared for death, if that is his fate. He is at peace with the Lord, and that is all any of us can hope for when it’s our time to leave this life and move on to the next.”

Eren looked over to the man, his dark eyes which Eren had been told were due to their blackened souls, his hawk nose which his school had said was proof that Jews were a different species of human than Aryans. This was a man Eren had been brought up to categorize as _Untermensch_ , a lesser man, weak and inferior by the laws of science and genetics.

“Jews,” Eren said, weighing his words as a lifetime of prejudice slowly crumbled, “are strong.”

Levi looked at him, at first like he did not understand what he was trying to say, then a moment of amazement, followed by looking aside to hide any happiness those three words gave him.

“Damn right we are,” he replied gruffly.

“ _Halt!_ ”

The group stopped, and the soldiers began to circle around. Some were still trotting over the field to catch up. Kitz told his men to push back into a large circle. He wanted to make sure everyone could view the spectacle.

Eren also stepped back, figuring his translating skills were unneeded now that they were away from the French village. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and jolted around, not realizing just how tense he was. He saw Armin with Jean right behind him.

Jean had a scowl on his long face as he warned, “You’re getting too emotional about those Jews, Jäger.”

Armin, however, looked worried. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Eren admitted.

Kitz stepped forward and addressed the entire gathering. “Paris fell. For that, Paris will burn. With time, the city that the French people see as their bright diamond will be nothing but rubble and dust. Just as we bombed London, so shall we bomb Paris. After that, we will strike against the Americans who made this possible, who attack like rats who have swum over a pond, attracted to the stench of death. Those you have lost, those you have killed to survive: their blood and their corpses attract these American rats. They will be exterminated, and then their cities will suffer the same fate. If it takes a year, if it takes ten years, Germany _shall_ stand at the top of the world, and anyone who opposes shall tremble in our shadow.”

Someone in the crowd shouted a cheer they had heard hundreds of times. “ _Heute Deutschland, morgen die Welt!_ ” Today Germany, tomorrow the world!

Another chimed in, “ _Lang lebe unser ruhmvoller Führer!_ ” Long live our glorious leader!

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ” Kitz bellowed out, and the crowd as one snapped their arms out, shouting the praise back to him: “ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“Yes!” Kitz bellowed. “We will shine as a beacon to the world. However, at the moment, we have rats right here amongst us. We have allowed these Jewish rats to exist, thinking it’s because we _need_ them, because they do hard labor while we relax. As it _should_ be!” he added. “What proud Aryan man should scrub pots like a housewife? Let the Jews! What strong German soldier who fights and bleeds for his Fatherland should be reduced to scrubbing toilets? Let the Jews!”

“They smell like shit anyway,” shouted a soldier.

Kitz’s bulging eyes gazed around at the gathered platoon. “That is what we have been saying. For months, we have simply let these Jews continue in our midst. They grow bold, we shove them down. They try to steal … we punish them. These two,” he said, pointing at Levi and Moses, “I caught them stealing our food. I personally witnessed both. I have soldiers who are supposed to watch over the rats, but obviously, like a fickle cat, their interest was drawn aside. They’ve stopped being vigilant.” His eyes turned straight to Eren, Armin, and Jean. “They’ve let them into their homes.”

Eren gulped thickly. Was he partly to blame for this?

“They’ve forgotten just how vile these Jews are. They’ve _forgotten_ the warnings of Hitler. So I will remind all of you,” he said, turning around to the circle of soldiers, stopping again to glare at Eren, “and I will give you a lesson you shall not forget anytime soon. First, the Führer spoke about the German attitude to the Jewish problem. These are his words from twenty-four years ago.”

He pulled out a sheet of paper and read from it.

“ ‘For us, this is not a problem you can turn a blind eye to—one to be solved by small concessions. For us, it is a problem of whether our nation can ever recover its health, whether the Jewish spirit can ever really be eradicated. Don’t be misled into thinking you can fight a disease without killing the carrier, without destroying the bacillus. Don’t think you can fight racial tuberculosis without taking care to rid the nation of the carrier of that racial tuberculosis. This Jewish contamination will not subside, this poisoning of the nation will not end, until the carrier himself, the Jew, has been banished from our midst.’ ”

Kitz folded the paper up and tucked it aside.

“I keep the words of my Führer close to my heart. I memorize his wise advice and his prophecies. He said in _Mein Kampf_ —which I know all of you have read—‘the personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Jew.’” Kitz pointed to the two men being held at gunpoint. “Tell me, what do you see in these two? Do you see poor men of France, or do you see the devil himself?”

“The devil,” the majority shouted. Eren realized that neither Armin nor Jean joined in, and for that he was slightly glad.

“And not only are they Jews. They are French. Do you know the Führer’s thoughts about the French?” He pulled out a book tucked under his arm. “I was re-reading _Mein Kampf_ this morning and came across this.”

He flipped to a marker stuck between pages, held the book out to see the letters clearer, and enunciated.

“ ‘The French people, who are becoming more and more obsessed by Negroid ideas, represent a threatening menace to the existence of the white race in Europe, because they are bound up with the Jewish campaign for world-domination. For the contamination caused by the influx of negroid blood on the Rhine, in the very heart of Europe, is in accord with the sadist and perverse lust for vengeance on the part of the hereditary enemy of our people, just as it suits the purpose of the cool calculating Jew who would use this means of introducing a process of bastardization in the very center of the European Continent and, by infecting the white race with the blood of an inferior stock, would destroy the foundations of its independent existence. France’s activities in Europe today, spurred on by the French lust for vengeance and systematically directed by the Jew are a criminal attack against the life of the white race and will one day arouse against the French people a spirit of vengeance among a generation which will have recognized the original sin of mankind in this racial pollution.’

“We _cannot_ allow these Jews and these negroid-loving French to push us, or it will be the death of the Aryan race. I will show you what sort of animals these are. These _parasites_. Lieutenant Jäger, come forward.”

Eren tried to look stern as he approached, but his stomach was already twisting. He had no idea what the captain had planned, but whatever it was, it was not good.

“Lieutenant Jäger, you were the one who suggested we use these creatures. Why?”

“A corpse serves only worms, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he replied.

“Do you pity them? If I shot one…” He pulled out his Webley and put it to Levi’s head. “…would you mourn?”

Eren’s face did not flinch. “Why would I?”

“Should we give these two a chance, although they stole from us?”

“That is at your discretion, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“What if it was you, Jäger? If you had to make the call, what would it be? Punishment? Death?” He sneered with disgust. “Mercy?”

Eren weighed his words carefully. “I would punish them according to their crime.”

“And to the others? To the Germans who coddled them until they reached this point of thinking they can get away with stealing our food?”

“Such people deserve a lesson in the importance of differentiating an enemy from an ally.”

“A lesson,” Kitz mused. “What lesson would you teach all these fine, German men? Look at them, _Herr Leutnant_. What is your lesson?”

Eren looked out at the soldiers, all of them watching with anticipation. He had to say the words he knew, even if he no longer felt them in his heart.

“Jews … are not like us. They are, as the Führer said, a parasite, the personification of the devil. We must remember that fact. They may be useful for labor, but they are not like us. They are _under_ us. _Untermenschen!_ We must _never_ fall into the false belief that we are equal to a parasite. To do that is to disgrace _all_ the Aryan race. To disgrace Aryans is to disgrace Germany itself. To disgrace Germany,” he said with a fire in his teal eyes, “is to make you my enemy.”

Armin watched his lieutenant with a worried gaze. “Eren?” he whispered, hardly able to comprehend how he could say such words.

Kitz clapped slowly. “Such passion is befitting a lieutenant of pure Aryan blood!”

Eren shivered slightly but held his face still. His blood was not pure at all, even if legally he was not considered to be a half-breed.

“We are, indeed, above them. Let them continue to grovel in our shit for a few pieces of moldy bread, but let us also dole out a proper punishment, one even a parasite can understand. Jäger, ask the Jews this. Would you be willing to do anything to avoid being executed right here?”

Eren turned to Levi and repeated the question into English.

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That depends. Some things, a man simply doesn’t do.”

“Levi, this may mean your life,” Eren urged, but the stubbornness in his face showed that he was not going to change his mind. “Fine. What does Moses say?”

Levi asked Moses in French, and it was obvious he was eager to agree to anything. Eren turned to Kitz.

“The tall one agrees, the small one has reservations.”

“A clever one, for such a tiny bug.” Kitz stared down into Levi’s eyes. “Tell him this. I will let him live only if he learns to obey simple orders.”

Eren translated this, but Levi’s stolid face did not change.

“The orders will be clear and simple. First…”

Levi watched the exchange between the two in German. He was actually impressed that Eren could stand there and look so stern. He was such a young man, and yet he must have seen a lot in life to get to be this way. Finally, he turned to face them.

“He has three orders for you, Levi, which you must follow if you wish to escape execution. First, strip naked. Second, get on all fours, like an animal. Third, whatever happens, do not move from that position.”

Levi sneered. “Humiliation? If he thinks this is bad, then he has never seen the depths of human savagery.”

Eren already had a bad feeling, but he said nothing. He had watched Levi strip for bathing every week. Now he realized everyone else would see the man’s scars, signs of that rough life, the taut muscles and slender build.

A few soldiers hooted as Levi removed his clothes. They mocked his small size and leanness. They were not at all impressed with the scars. They pointed and laughed at his manhood, circumcised as his religion demanded. Levi ignored them. The late summer sun on his bare skin actually felt nice. He only wished he had been clean. He felt filthy.

Kitz ordered, “ _Wie ein Hund, schmutziges Judenvieh._ ” Like a dog, dirty Jewish beast!

Eren’s stony gaze did not waver. “He says, get down on all fours like a dog.”

“Should I bark?” Levi asked sarcastically as he dropped to the soft soil of the field. Eren did not reply, but the captain was already giving more instructions.

“ _Leutnant Jäger, gib der anderen Ratte diesen Befehl._ ” Lieutenant Jäger, give to the other rat this command.

Levi stared down at the dirt and caressed it with his fingers. Rich French soil! There had been a time when he thought about working this soil, maybe owning a vineyard in the south, or a humble farm out in the countryside where Petra could have had a big garden, a sprawling paradise of flowers and shade trees, and a lazy pathway they could walk along together, arm in arm. He could help her grow fields of lavender, vines full of melons, maybe a trellis with beans hanging down, where she could sit in the shade with a book, reach up, pluck off a bean, and have a little snack on a hot summer day. She deserved to have more than her little spot in front of the kitchen window, barely big enough for some potatoes and herbs.

If he had to get down on his hands and knees, at least it was on soft, rich, bountiful French soil.

“ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ”

Eren’s scream, almost enough to make his voice crack, drew Levi’s attention. He looked up and saw the young soldier with his mouth open, pure disgust on his face, recoiling from his commanding officer.

Shit! What was about to happen _this_ time?

* * *

Eren had been trying to keep calm. He knew he could not expect to always save these Jews. He knew a day might come when he would have to punish them again, like when he had to flog Levi. Orders were orders. What he did was for the glory of Germany.

There was no glory in this.

Kitz said without pity, “When a human knows he may die, he will either fight or run away. When an insect knows it is about to die, what do you think it does?”

No one in the crowd answered. Eren glanced back and saw Armin with a look of revulsion. Whatever this question was leading to, his sharp mind had figured it out, and Eren saw that this was not good.

“Insects and animals have a single instinct: to perpetuate their species. Be it a cockroach, a rat, or a Jew, if a lower creature knows it is about to die, it develops a single instinctive desire: to mate.”

Eren’s eyes widened, and around him he heard mutters already.

“Lieutenant Jäger, give to the other rat this command.” He walked up to Moses and looked into his dark eyes. “If he wishes to live, he will fuck this tiny man.”

That was when Eren cried out in horror, “ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ”

Kitz’s mad eyes swung over to him. “Are you like a delicate milkmaid who faints at the sight of the animals mating?”

Eren gulped down a blast of acid from his stomach. “It’s … vile. Two men!”

“No sane human would agree, right? But an animal would. An animal would chew off its own arm to escape a snare, and if threatened with death, an insect will mate with anything it can. Instincts kick in, and there is not much that stops a creature. I will prove to all of you,” Kitz shouted to the group now whispering in disbelief. “These Jews, and those like them with tainted blood, are not true humans. They are a lesser form, closer to animals. If I must, I will force that lesson into each of your minds. Jews are disgusting. Homosexuals are disgusting. The French are disgusting. It is the duty and the honor of pure Aryans to purge this filth from our lands.” He looked back around to Eren and ordered coldly, “Tell him, fuck this man or he will be shot.”

Eren shuddered. He looked down at Levi, naked and prone. It made sense now. This was not just about the humiliation of being naked. It was far worse!

“Is there a problem, _Herr Leutnant_?”

“I’m trying to think of the word in English, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he said in excuse as he forced himself to return to an impassive state. “I learned English as a child, so … I’m not certain about sexual terms. I think … if I say it this way…”

* * *

Levi was still watching Eren, but by the faces he was making, his hope of escaping this with just soil on his knees was diminishing.

Surrounded like this, there really was no way he could fight his way out. He had to put up with the punishment, whatever it was.

Eren pursed his lips, then firmed up and stared down at Levi as if he was something else, not a Jew, not a prisoner, certainly not the man he had chatted with for hours over the past few months, almost even befriending him.

“The captain’s orders for the other Jew … repeat them in French.” Eren still struggled. He looked like he was truly having a hard time finding the English words. “If he wishes to live…”

Eren paused, so Levi told Moses just that part. “ _Si tu voulez vivre_ …”

“The two of you … he…”

Eren rubbed his head, as if racking his brain for the right word, but Levi saw his thumb deftly sweep away a teardrop. Then his face went cold again, completely devoid of emotions, as he finished.

“He must stick his … _schwanz_ … penis … into you.”

Levi stared, certain he heard that wrong. “What?”

Eren’s boot stomped down onto Levi’s hand. He shouted at the pain and glared up defiantly, only to see Eren’s eyes were very different now: hollow, detached, austere, grim as he followed orders.

“He must fuck you or be shot, and if you move from this spot, you will be shot. Do you understand, _Judenscheiße_?”

Levi sneered back. “I understand.”

“ _Das ist besser._ ” That’s better. “Now, tell him.”

Kitz laughed at the harshness. “ _Sehr gut, Herr Leutnant._ ” Very good, Lieutenant.

Levi was still in disbelief, but he realized the harsh words and even the boot on his hand were merely a show, part of his expected role. Eren had shown horror and dread. Now he had to atone in front of all his fellow soldiers.

Levi had warned Eren so many times to do precisely this, to follow orders and do whatever it took to survive. The brat was finally obeying him.

“Moses…” Levi began quietly, and he gave his companion the horrific news.

“ _Non! Je ne le ferai pas._ ” No! I won’t do it.

Eren pulled out his own gun and pointed it at Moses’ head. “ _Nein?_ ” he asked coldly.

“Moses!” Levi said sharply.

The man still shook his head. “ _Je ne le…_ ”

“ _Fais le. Obéissez-leur._ ” Do it. Obey them. “ _Tu devez vivre. Nous tous. Nous devons vivre, peu importe le prix._ ” You have to live. All of us. We have to live, no matter the price.

Moses still shook his head, trembling in horror.

“Moses,” Levi said calmly. “We have to live. You promised, right? That girl you like, you told me about her; she’s waiting in London. She wants you to make it out of France. So close your eyes, pretend it’s her, and in the morning it’ll be a forgotten nightmare. The Lord won’t hold either of us guilty, not when it’s like this. That rabbi, remember? He told us, if we must work on the Sabbath or if we must eat non-kosher food during dire times, if we must break some of the rules to make it through this time of oppression, so long as we survive as a people and we atone when we are safe, the Lord will forgive us. He told us that, remember? Do whatever you must in order to survive.”

Moses looked torn. He glanced up to Eren’s gun, then down to the man who had led them through so many troubles. “Levi … you…”

“It’s not like I’m a virgin, and your dick is too small to hurt me much.”

Kitz barked impatiently. “ _Was sagt er?_ ” What is he saying?

“Do it,” Levi sneered. “This madman may kill us both if you don’t.”

“Even so, I don’t know if I can like this, in front of all these people, and to _you_. Where do I even stick it?”

“In my ass, you idiot.” Levi sighed but knew Moses had a point. If it was the other way around, there was no way he would have been able to get hard. “Close your eyes, pretend it’s your girl, and you’re fucking her in the hallway of a large party, just out of sight of everyone.”

“No offense, but you’re smaller than my girl.”

“Go to hell. Look, these bastards are getting impatient. Eren is trying to keep us alive—”

“He’s pointing a gun at me,” Moses protested.

“You know he won’t shoot, but any other bastard here would. I trust him. Just look at his eyes.” Levi looked up at Eren. “He hates this,” he whispered, heartbroken to see that emotional emptiness again. “He’s obeying because if he doesn’t, we’re dead, and he’s going this far because if he doesn’t, someone else will. Now, will you do what you have to so _both of us_ can survive, or will you force him to shoot?”

Moses sneered, shaking his head in rage. “ _Qu’ils soient maudits_ … _oui._ ” Curse them all, yes.

Levi looked up to Eren and answered in English, “He’ll do it.”

Eren’s boot moved off his hand. “You can’t move. The captain keeps repeating that.”

“Tell your captain that one of these days I will cut off his penis and shove it into his own throat.”

“I’ll tell him you promise to obey.”

“Fuck you all,” he sneered.

However, Levi saw a moment of regret in Eren’s face at that verbal attack. Dammit! He was furious, he was about to be humiliated in the worst way possible, but this boy … this brat…

“ _Takhshet_ ,” he whispered, staring at the ground. “Remember. No regrets. Survive.”

His hair was suddenly grabbed, but not harshly. Eren was acting again. As he raised Levi’s face to look into his eyes, Levi saw all the pain in the young man’s heart for a brief moment.

“You too,” he yelled harshly. “Don’t you fucking die on me!”

Levi sneered, hating how this must be torturing Eren inside. “There is no way in hell I’m dying before you,” he growled.

Eren dropped Levi’s head and raised back up, glaring down at him. “Good. I’ll hold you to that promise.”

Levi glared at Eren’s back as he walked over to his captain. Rather than worrying about himself and how much this would probably hurt, he was enraged at the idea of how much guilt this would cause Moses, and worried if Eren’s acting could convince everyone around him. This must be killing his soul deep inside.

He really was too nice for his own good.

Eren saw his captain waiting impatiently, as well as all the German soldiers surrounding them in a circle, some nudging each other in amusement, others looking appalled.

“The tall one agrees,” said Eren.

“And the small one?” asked Kitz.

“Feisty, but he will obey the order not to move.”

Kitz patted Eren’s shoulder. “You handle them well. You were so weak around them before. I’m glad you had this experience to tough you up. Sometimes, we must be around our enemy to truly revile our enemy. Never forget,” he shouted out to the gathering. “ _Die Juden sind unser Unglück! Wir hassen die Juden und Ausländer. Die Deutschen—die Deutschen—immer vor dem Ausländer und den Juden!_ ” The Jews are our misfortune! We hate the Jews and foreigners. The German—the _German_ —always before the foreigner and the Jews!

“ _Blut und Boden!_ ” someone shouted. Blood and soil, a Nazi slogan.

Kitz boomed out, “ _Machen Deutschland wieder groß._ ” Make Germany great again. Then he outstretched his arm in salute. “ _Sieg Heil!_ ” Hail victory!

The Germans saluted back and shouted, “ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ” he cried.

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ” they chimed in.

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

Eren joined in hollowly for the final shout. “ _Sieg Heil_ ,” he said with his arm out as he had held it thousands of times before, yet never had his hand felt so heavy.

“Remember this day,” Kitz barked out. “Remember the sickness, the disgust, of what you’re about to witness: the depravity of the Jew. Let it burn a scar in your mind. Remember it, so that your children and your children’s children never have to witness it.”

Kitz then looked at Moses with a sadistic smile. He waved down to the Jew, showing him to go ahead and get started. The poor man was still trembling, and there were tears on his cheek.

“Jäger, instruct the mute animal on what it is supposed to do.”

A soldier shouted out from the crowd, “Perhaps he’s a virgin and doesn’t know how.”

“Perhaps it’s too small for even his own hand.”

Some of the crowd laughed. Eren strained to stay unaffected.

“Levi,” he said, and he spoke in English. “Tell him to do it or he will be shot.”

“He knows. The poor man is terrified. He can’t exactly get hard.”

Eren took Moses’ shoulder and stared straight into his shivering eyes. “ _Je m’excuse_ ,” he said, one of the few French lines he knew. _I apologize._ Then he pushed Moses to his knees. Eren pulled out a handkerchief from his back pocket and wrapped it around Moses’ eyes.

Moses squeaked out, “ _Qu’est-ce que tu fais?_ ” What are you doing?

Levi sneered in frustration. “ _Il te sauve la vie, idiot._ ” He’s saving your life, you idiot.

“ _Herr Leutnant?_ ” asked Kitz.

Eren stood back up. “Like blinders on a horse, _Herr Hauptmann_. The crowd was distracting him.”

Kitz burst into laughter. “Like blinders on a horse? Jäger, that’s brilliant. See, this is why you rose to be an officer. Intelligence is just as important as strength, and humor as well. Indeed, you make a fine German soldier, Jäger.”

“Thank you _, Herr Hauptmann._ May I step back? I don’t want any of their male filth to get on me.”

“Good point.” Kitz also stepped back. “They probably finish as quickly as horses too.”

Eren returned to where Armin and Jean were standing. Armin grabbed his arm.

“Eren, he isn’t _really_ going to make them do that, right?”

“ _Obergefreiter_ Arlelt,” Eren said sternly.

The young soldier stiffened at the coldness of his military title, especially with a commanding officer whom he had been so close with, they were on a first name basis.

Eren glanced over to him, and his nostrils flared with each heavy breath. He whispered to his fellow teammate, “Make sure I don’t do anything stupid.”

Armin’s pale blue eyes grew sad. He knew Eren had grown close with these prisoners, especially Levi. He went out of his way to help them, and Armin had tried to assist as well. Now, they were all powerless.

Armin looked back as they saw Moses stroking himself, trying to get prepared. “Does … Does it hurt, doing it in an ass?”

Eren’s fists tightened to hide his rage. “How should I know?” he said, but his voice quavered.

* * *

Levi waited, trying to breathe calmly, although he heard Moses behind him starting to pant as masturbating seemed to finally be working to get himself erect.

“Aren’t you ready yet?” he asked.

“I think … yes. But how do I…”

“Just stick it in and thrust. That’s all they want: a show. Perverse entertainment for perverse Nazi swine.”

He felt rough hands touch his ass, and Levi flinched on instinct.

“You were already hurt there—”

“Shut up and get it over with. Finish it quickly and it won’t hurt as much.”

He felt something pressed against him, and Levi slammed his eyes shut. Damn these Nazis! Damn them! Damn every single one of them now laughing, damn them all! He felt Moses fumbling, pressing, but not going in.

“It’s too tight, too dry. This is impossible!”

“Obviously homosexuals do it somehow. Try spitting on your dick.”

Levi cringed just knowing there would be saliva as well now. So much filth, such disgusting things! He felt ready to vomit as Moses pressed against him again, this time with a little moistness.

“It won’t work. Ahhhhh!”

Levi looked around. Kitz had Moses by the hair, spewing something in German, obviously threats to kill him if he did not get on with this.

Levi sneered at him. “ _Espèces de sales boches!_ ” Filthy Kraut animals! “Moses, do it.”

“But Levi—”

“Do it before he shoots us both! A bullet in my back will hurt a lot worse than your dick in my ass.”

Moses sneered in disgust. “I do it to save you.”

“Fine. And I’ll put up with it to save your life. I’ll put up with anything to get all of us out of this insanity.”

“Forgive me,” he whispered. Then Moses grasped himself and pressed harder.

Levi clenched at the soil, yanking up the roots of grass and wildflowers, gritting his teeth to hold back a growl of pain. He had known worse pain, at least. Those soldiers with the broom were far worse. At least this felt soft, not splintered, and it did not go in so deep where it would tear his colon.

Still, it was humiliating to know everyone was watching. They were laughing and shouting in hateful voices. At least Levi did not understand their words. He kept his eyes slammed shut so he did not have to see them. He did not want to know what faces these Germans were making.

He did not want to see what sort of face Eren might be making as he witnessed this ultimate humiliation.

* * *

Eren watched, numbed and disgusted. He could barely see Levi’s face. He kept it down and hidden as his body was assaulted from behind.

“It’s disgusting,” Jean muttered. “The captain should not be—”

“Say nothing!” Eren ordered, his face cold but his body tense.

Jean glanced down at the young lieutenant. The rage in his face was obvious, and Jean frowned, hoping no one else saw him.

Kitz Woermann knelt in front of Levi. “This one is stubborn. Still proud no matter how you’re broken, huh? Like a pack horse; those too can be strong. Although you’re nowhere near large enough. More like a tiny yet mighty falcon.” He yanked Levi’s head up by his oily hair. “There is no freedom in your wings, though. Only the wind of change blowing from Germany and sweeping across the plains of the world. A mere animal cannot hope to keep up with the progress of humanity. In the end, an animal is still an animal. You hide the beast’s blood in your veins. You’re not a noble falcon at all. You are no different from a grunting pig.”

He shoved his gun between Levi’s teeth, forcing his mouth open. Now when Moses thrust in, the pain made Levi groan, and his voice could not be suppressed. The cries of pain came out, and Levi feared that if he bit the gun and left teeth marks, he would be shot. Instead, he salivated over the cold metal of the gun and stared at the steel barrel, part of him wondering just when the trigger would be pulled.

“That sounds better,” Kitz said sadistically. He suddenly punched Levi’s hand that had been tearing at the soil. Levi howled in pain. “Hands flat! How does it feel, finally seeing just how far those of your race will go? Rats! Parasites! You would do anything to survive, crawling there, accepting this. Maybe you’ve done it before. We hear stories about you Frenchmen. Your kings were fucking men and women alike for centuries. You’re probably _enjoying_ this. It sure looks like your faggot lover likes it. Your ass must feel really good, loose from all the homosexual Jewish sex.”

Kitz suddenly yanked the gun out and smacked Levi over the face with it, cutting his cheek.

“Jewish French faggots. Can there be anything lower than worms like you?”

He then ripped the blindfold off Moses’ face, forcing him to see precisely what he was doing to his friend. With that, Kitz stood and moved out of the way.

“Your faggot lover looks like he’s at his limit. He really does last shorter than a horse. I don’t want any of the filth to get on me.”

* * *

Levi swallowed hard. He had no idea what this German was saying, but at least he could close his mouth again. He hated the grunts of pain being pummeled out of him. For Moses’ sake, he did not want him to think this was hurting just as badly as it actually was.

Suddenly, Levi’s face rose, and his eyes met Eren’s. He shook his head, silently telling Eren not to watch. Not this!

Eren’s face showed rage, indignation, and murderous hatred. Levi kept looking at him. Instead of hiding from the shame, he focused on this one soldier, one of the few Germans he had ever known who cared for his life. He focused on Eren’s rage, and somehow that made this bearable.

The hatred in those teal eyes gave Levi hope. Levi knew that this was not how the future of the world was going to be, not when there were good men like Eren Jäger alive.

That was the only thing that helped him get through this.

Despite the pain behind him, despite the grunting as Moses obeyed against his will, despite the cheers and horrific cries of the surrounding crowd, Levi stayed silent. He did not cry out, even as he felt blood trickling down his thighs. He did not move, even when Moses thrust in harder out of pure instinct and warned him in French, apologizing that he was at his limit. Levi kept his eyes on Eren, kept all of his hopes in Eren … even as he heard Moses cry out and felt extra pressure filling his ass.

At least it was over quickly—

The sound of a gun blast deafened Levi, and he jolted, wondering what just happened. Seconds later, he felt the penis inside him slip out, and Moses fell over with a hole in his forehead. It took Levi a couple of seconds to fathom what just happened, and when he did, any composure he had maintained through all of this shattered instantly.

“No!” he screamed in horror.

* * *

Over in the crowd, Armin and Jean both grabbed Eren, physically holding him back.

“You can’t do anything,” Armin warned softly.

“You should have known it would happen,” added Jean.

“He promised … he said…” Eren was trembling now.

Armin grabbed Eren’s wrist before he could reach for his gun. “Eren, seriously, stop!”

“The Jew, he only did it to live. He only did it—”

“Be quiet, Jäger,” Jean said harshly.

Luckily, there were many other people talking, some in shock, some in disgust, and some cheering “ _Tötet alle Juden! Tötet alle Juden!_ ” Kill all Jews! Not many noticed a single lieutenant ready to kill his captain.

Kitz put his Webley back into its holster. He gazed down at the naked Jew still on his hands and knees. Suddenly, Levi turned his head up to the German captain. Rather than his normal glare of rage, this time Levi looked horrified.

“What is worse than a Jew? A French Jew. What is worse than a Frenchman? A homosexual Frenchman. A homosexual French Jew? They are the lowest scum on the Earth.” Kitz looked around. “Can anyone answer why I shot him?”

A soldier in the crowd shouted back. “If he was willing to do it, he must have been homosexual already. If that is true, we all were in danger.”

“Correct! Can anyone tell me why I did not shoot them both? The answer is _not_ that one happens to be our translator, by the way.”

Another soldier hollered out, “He was the victim of homosexual lust. The victim is not guilty of the crime.”

“That’s also correct. Most of you are young, you do not remember the world as it used to be. Germany was filled with homosexuals. They had their own newspaper, their own beer halls, their own parties filled with sodomy and depravity. One lived right next door to me. They were everywhere! The world was filled with homosexuals, Jews, negroids, and foreigners. You fine men grew up in privilege, and it was my generation who made sure the future would be clear and bright for you, just as you fight for the generation to come. _Obergefreiter_ Arlelt.”

Armin stiffened up. “ _Jawohl, Herr Hauptmann?_ ” Yes, Captain?

“You’re one of the youngest here. Do you remember that song from school that goes … _we are the joyous Hitler Youth_?”

Armin nodded. “Yes, _Herr Hauptmann_. Shall I sing it?”

“All of you,” Kitz shouted. “Everyone under the age of twenty, you who are blessed to grow up in a strong Germany under Führer Hitler, sing!”

Eren’s lips moved with the song, but his voice did not reach far. He glanced around and saw how many of them were so young.

* * *

_Wir sind die fröhliche Hitlerjugend,_  
_Wir brauchen keine christliche Tugend,_  
_Denn unser Führer Adolf Hitler_  
_Ist stets unser Mittler._

_Kein Pfaffe, kein böser, kann uns je hindern,_  
_Uns zu fühlen als Hitlers Kinder._  
_Nicht Christus folgen wir, sondern Horst Wessel,_  
_Fort mit Weihrauch und Weihwasserkessel!_

_Wir folgen singend unseren Fahnen_  
_Als würdige Söhne unserer Ahnen,_  
_Ich bin kein Christ, kein Katholik,_  
_Ich geh mit S.A. durch dünn und dick._

_Die Kirche kann mir gestohlen werden,_  
_Das Hakenkreuz ist Erlösung auf Erden,_  
_Ihm will ich folgen auf Schritt und Tritt,_  
_Baldur von Schirach, nimm mich mit!”_

We are the joyous Hitler Youth,  
We need no Christian virtue,  
For our Führer Adolf Hitler  
Is always our mediator.

No priest, no evil, can ever hinder us,  
To feel ourselves as Hitler’s children.  
We do not follow Christ, but Horst Wessel,  
Away with incense and holy water vessel!

We follow our flags singing  
As worthy sons of our ancestors,  
I am not a Christian, not a Catholic,  
I follow the Sturmabteilung through thin and thick.

The church can be stolen from me,  
The swastika is salvation on earth,  
I will follow him at every step,  
Baldur von Schirach, take me with you!

* * *

Kitz looked proud. “It is good to hear you sing that. It is good to see so many young Germans who got to grow up feeling proud of their heritage, not ashamed. It’s good to see your eyes so bright, like your futures. This Thousand Year Reich will support you throughout your lives. This war, it’s nothing. These horrible sights, they will never exist again. The existence of the Jew will one day be something for history books. Do not forget today’s lesson about the Jew. Remember how low they are, how they truly are nothing more than animals to be wiped out. Officers, you are to lead the younger ones under your command in that song as well as _Horst-Wessel-Lied_ all week. Let them remember what they were taught in school. Let them be proud. Dismissed. Riebe! Jäger! Grützmacher! Stay.”

The three soldiers called out approached while the rest scattered. Eren stepped around the blood on the soil, but he tried not to look at Levi.

Kitz gazed at the three of them. “Most of the men looked disgusted, as they should,” he said quietly, “but you three looked upset. That wasn’t pity, I hope.”

Eren immediately began to think of how to get out of this, but luckily one of the others leaped in.

“Yes, captain, I was upset,” said the one named Grützmacher. “To witness such a disgusting thing, it was all I could do not to shoot them right away. If I may…” He pulled out his Luger and pointed it at Levi’s head.

“Sadly, we need this one alive for now. Save your bullets for the Allies.” He looked over to Reibe. “And you? You almost looked terrified.”

The young soldier still appeared to be shaken. “My apologies, _Herr Hauptmann_. My brother … he was caught for being a homosexual. My family knew about it, but my parents wanted to hide him. They were arrested. I was too young, I did not understand. Now I see what these sorts of people do, and to think that I share blood with a man who did such things to another man … I feel truly sick. I want to vomit, thinking back to my filthy brother and traitorous parents.”

Kitz patted the young man’s shoulder. “We can’t pick our kin. It’s fortunate that scientists have not found any link between heritage and homosexuality, and I hope they never do. I also had an uncle like that, and I reported him to the Gestapo myself. You are wiser for this experience.” Those sunken eyes then turned to Eren. “And you, Jäger? I hear you’ve made this little Jew into your _pet_. Were you upset to see him being _bred_ like that?”

Hearing the other two helped him to come up with a reason. “No, _Herr Hauptmann_. I was just remembering my time in Napola. I had two classmates who ended up being homosexuals.”

“I’ve heard rumors of this story. Tell me, what did you do with them?”

“They were caught by teachers. We children were tasked with punishing them, and we did. All of us!”

“As one would expect, our glorious education system puts punishment into the hands of peers. I’ve read in your file about the incident. It says you personally punished them harder than any of the others.”

“Yes, _Herr Hauptmann_. They _were_ my friends. One does not forgive a betrayal like that.”

Kitz waved down to Levi. “Show me what you did in Napola. I’m curious how our education system raises fine young men.”

Eren glanced down at Levi, still recovering from the assault. He felt nothing at all as he delivered a swift kick to the reddened buttocks, knocking him down flat.

“ _Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel_ ,” he snarled. Shove it up your ass, fucking faggot. “Both boys received kicks like that from every single child in the school, each of us saying those words. There were a little over a hundred in attendance. My kick apparently broke the coccyx of one of the boys.”

Kitz snickered in pride. “Good! I like that. I’ll have to remember it if any soldiers are caught in the act. You two: take out your horror and rage now. Just like Jäger did, do the same.”

Eren watched as they did. The one with the homosexual brother kicked awkwardly and stuttered the words. However, Grützmacher kicked so hard, Levi screamed and sprawled out over the grass from the blow to his rear. Grützmacher then began to stomp on Levi’s back, shouting over and over, “ _Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel. Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel._ ”

“Enough!” Kitz pulled him off. “We wouldn’t want too much Jewish blood on your boots. Grützmacher, your aggression suits you. You’re in charge of getting him back into the prison. Do _not_ kill him. Until Berlin sends us a translator, we need that thing.”

“If you insist,” he said with a sneer down at Levi.

“ _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said cautiously. “I normally make sure the Jews get back into the prison. I know where they are kept.”

“You’re needed. We intercepted some radio communication between the Americans. I want you to translate their English.”

Riebe pointed to the dead body of Moses. “What about the corpse?”

Kitz waved dismissively as he began to march back toward the village. “I’ll have some locals come and burn it. It’s so filthy now, I wouldn’t want any pure Aryan to touch such a disgusting thing. _Komm jetzt mit mir, Jäger._ ” Come with me now, Jäger.

Eren saw Levi struggling to get back up, rubbing where he had been stomped in the back. When their eyes met, that dark gaze was filled with pain and rage. Eren felt like holding him, apologizing, shielding his nakedness and caring for his wounds. He knew he could do nothing but glare at him.

Levi bowed his head as if humbled, and although quiet, his voice seethed with defiance. “I swear to every angel in Heaven, _takhshet_ , you had better not get killed after I’ve endured all this or I will personally request the Lord to let me torment your soul for eternity in Gehinnom.”

Grützmacher laughed. “ _So passiv! Wie ein getretener Hund. Was hat er gesagt, Jäger?_ ” So passive! Like a beaten dog. What is he saying, Jäger?

Eren had to think up of something quickly. “He thanks us for still being alive and will work in any way we have need of him.”

Grützmacher grinned. “Any way? I could use a slave. Mind if I borrow him for a week?”

“Jäger!” Kitz shouted back to him.

Eren turned away from the sadistic man and from Levi. “His skills are needed for the moment. He can’t be killed yet, Grützmacher. Remember that.”

“Oh, I won’t kill him,” Grützmacher said with a devious snarl.

There was nothing more Eren could do. If he disobeyed orders, he could be the next one Kitz creatively punished.

# # #

# #

#

_Okay, take a moment, slow breath, in … out … you are safe._

_I listed many Nazi slogans in this chapter. “Die Juden sind unser Unglück! Wir hassen die Juden und Ausländer. Die Deutschen immer vor dem Ausländer und den Juden! Blut und Boden!”_

_For the record, because someone with a MAGA hat in their closet will throw a hissy fit if I don’t clarify this … “ **Machen Deutschland wieder groß** ” (Make Germany great again) was NOT one of Hitler’s slogans, although his followers **did** use those four words. So while the similarity to Donald Trump’s slogan “Make American Great Again” is pure coincidence, the nationalist ideology is the same._

_**Wir sind die fröhliche Hitlerjugend** – a song from the Hitler Youth. It was first sang at the 1934 [Nuremberg Party Rally](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Rally)._

_**Sturmabteilung** – also called SA or Brownshirts, paramilitary wing of the Nazi Party. They played a significant role in Hitler’s rise to power._

_**Horst Wessel** – a member of the SA who was murdered and made into a martyr of the Nazi Party._

_**Baldur von Schirach** – the head of Hitler Youth._

_**Horst-Wessel-Lied** – anthem of the Nazi Party and later the co-national anthem, lyrics written by Horst Wessel._

_**Gehinnom** – Jewish Hell. Or not. You see, Jews are not clear about an afterlife. As a saying goes, “Ask two Jews, get three opinions.” Some Jews do not believe in an afterlife at all, some believe in reincarnation, others in Olam Ha–Ba (the World-to-Come). Some think Heaven is a giant library where you study the Torah for eternity (wait, that’s Heaven?!?) while others think it’s a ladder leading to God, or Eden Above, or something celestial. Similarly, what happens if you’re bad is unclear, with many theories but no official description of a Hell-like place. There’s Sheol, basically like a dark and quiet spot where your soul has 12 months to sober up from the hangover of human mortality. If you can put aside human weaknesses, you ascend, and if you can’t shake that dark side, there’s Gehinnom. You could call it Hell, but some Jews prefer to think of it as “Heaven’s Washing Machine,” where your soul gets a 12-month rigorous cleansing. Or as one playful rabbi described it to me, “the angels play tennis with your soul until they beat the sin out of you.” Kinda sounds hilarious, rather than terrifying. It is generally seen as an act of kindness, not torture. So basically, you get tossed around and beaten for a year, then you are again judged, and if you are still a smelly, awful person, back into the Heavenly Washing Machine with you! For the truly evil, rather than just 12 months in Gehinnom, their soul is tortured until the angels get bored. This could be a hundred years, or next to eternity. Then that soul is simply disposed of. No ascension, no rebirth, they are simply thrown away like trash, complete cessation of existence. Because the Torah is not clear on precisely what happens after you die, the afterlife is seen as something not worth worrying about. Speculation is fine, ideas of Heavenly Washing Machines or “Angel Tennis” are amusing, but God never bothered to tell us, so it’s unimportant. Praise or punishment should not be the determining factor on whether you live life as a decent person. God should not have to bribe you to be good._

* * *

**More info on Horst Wessel and Baldur von Schirach**

(oft-forgotten figures in history)

**[Horst Wessel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horst_Wessel)** joined many right-wing nationalist groups as a teen, quitting some if they were not extreme enough for his views, until he landed in the SA. He idolized Hitler and even quit school to put all focus on the SA. He quickly rose to _Sturmführer_ (Storm leader) in charge of a district in Berlin. There, he fell under the command of Joseph Goebbels, who later became Hitler’s head of Nazi propaganda. (Side note: Goebbels was also the Nazi equivalent to Harvey Weinstein, blacklisting actresses if they refused to have sex with him, and came up with a law that if a woman refused to have sex with a member of the SS, she would be deemed a traitor to the Party and killed. #MeToo is many decades too late.)

Horst Wessel was a talented speaker, and Goebbels sent him to areas of Berlin where members of the German Communist Party hung out, in order to give rousing speeches that would stir up strife. Goebbels would then spin the conflicts as evidence that Communists were violent. One day, Wessel led his Brownshirts to a tavern the Communists used as their headquarters. The Communists claimed the SA arrived and began to violently attack them, leaving five of their members badly wounded before running away when police arrived. The Nazis insisted that Wessel had been exercising his right of free speech when the Communists attacked them out of nowhere, and they merely defended themselves. In either case, Wessel was a marked man, and Communists pasted his picture up around town with the slogan, “Strike the fascists wherever you find them.” (Similar to today’s #AlwaysPunchNazis.)

Wessel and his lover, Erna Jänicke, rented a room from the widow of a Communist. They refused to pay rent, and the widow found out Erna was a prostitute, with Wessel acting as her pimp. The widow demanded that Wessel pay his overdue rent and Erna had to leave. Wessel threatened her. Fearing for her safety, the widow asked her late husband’s friends for help to get the couple out of the house. As soon as they heard the name Horst Wessel, the men agreed to deal with him. What happened next depends on whom you ask. According to the Communists, Erna’s old pimp, Albrecht Höhler, had recently been released from jail and went to the house to win her back; a scuffle ensued, Wessel pulled out his gun, and Höhler shot him in self-defense. According to the Nazis, Erna never worked for Höhler, he was hired by Communists, not to merely oust Wessel for not paying rent, but to kill him; so Höhler went to Wessel’s flat, knocked on the door, and as soon as Wessel opened it, Höhler shot him in the head at point-blank range. Höhler was arrested and sent to jail, but he received a light sentence of only six years. When the Nazis rose to power, the Gestapo murdered Höhler.

Meanwhile, Wessel survived, was treated, but doctors could not remove the bullet from his brain. He was sent home to his parents but died a month later at the age of 22. His funeral was attended by many high-ranking members of the Nazi Party, including Hitler. (Fun side note: the character Horst Kessler in the German Netflix series _Berlin Babylon_ is loosely based on Horst Wessel, including [spoiler] his death at the hands of Erna’s pimp. It’s a great show to bingewatch while you’re in quarantine.)

Joseph Goebbels, who had tried and failed many times to come up with a martyr to be used as propaganda for the Nazi cause, found the perfect figure in Horst Wessel. Before the young man was even dead, Goebbels began to write newspaper articles, painting Wessel as a devout Christian with dreams of a better world, who taught young boys to cherish their German heritage, a kind soul who tried to rescue a prostitute from off the street, and was brutally cut down in his youth by “degenerate communist subhumans.” For years to come, Goebbels built up an almost Christ-like innocence around the memory of Wessel; thus the line in the Hitler Youth song, “We do not follow Christ, but Horst Wessel.”

A year before his death, Horst Wessel wrote _Die Fahne hoch_ (Raise the Flag), a song he used to mock Communists around Berlin. Now known as _Horst-Wessel-Lied_ , it was made into the Nazi anthem. Goebbels claimed Wessel wrote both the lyrics and music, but the Christian praise song _How Great Thou Art_ has the exact same tune, just sung as a hymn instead of a march. When the Nazi Party took control, _Horst-Wessel-Lied_ became the co-national anthem, sung immediately following _Deutschlandlied_. People were required by law to give the _Hitlergruß_ (Hitler salute) when singing the first and last verses. With the end of the Nazi regime, the song was banned in Germany and Austria. Finding online recordings is rare, since sites take down the song as soon as it is reported. The few versions I found on YouTube had dozens of Neo-Nazis in the comments section, so I refuse to link to those. (Plus, this story might get taken down if I link to a song that is banned in some countries. I hate censorship!)

**[Baldur von Schirach](http://www.holocaustresearchproject.org/holoprelude/bvs.html)** was born in Berlin, the son of a German-American aristocrat father and American mother. (Fun fact: his father’s father fought in the American Civil War and was in the honor guard at President Lincoln’s funeral, while his mother’s family descended from two signatories of the American Declaration of Independence.) Schirach studied Germanic folklore and was an author, contributing to many literary journals. After hearing one of Adolf Hitler’s speeches, Schirach immediately read _Mein Kampf_ in a single evening. He developed strong anti-semitic views, joined the SA, and wrote books that flattered Hitler, helping to further his political career. In 1929, Hitler made Schirach the head of the National Socialist Students’ Union and assigned him the duty of bringing the university system under Nazi authority.

In 1932, Schirach asked Hitler’s personal photographer, Heinrich Hoffmann, for permission to marry his daughter, Henriette, a lady Hitler himself had briefly dated. Her family strongly opposed some “young effeminate aristocrat” marrying their daughter, but Hitler liked the match, insisted that they be married, and offered to be their best man. This brought Schirach into Hitler’s inner circle, and the couple were frequent guests at Hitler’s mountain retreat residence, the Berghof.

Whereas Hitler initially just wanted to win over voters, Schirach persuaded him to focus on children as well. Hitler named him _Reichsjugendführer_ (Youth Leader) of the Nazi Party, and Schirach designed a militant youth group, a place for children to learn how to be good Aryan boys and girls, and a system to indoctrinate them in Nazi ideology. He called it _Hitlerjugend_ , or Hitler Youth. Schirach frequently appeared with Hitler at rallies to lead the Hitler Youth in chants and songs. He hosted contests, and schools that got 100% of their students into Hitler Youth would get prizes. Such contests prompted schools to kick out Jews and non-white students, since they were forbidden from joining Hitler Youth. He wrote prayers dedicated to Hitler that were read by members of Nazi youth groups prior to having their meals. Pictures of Schirach were second only to Hitler’s in displays throughout Germany, and he was featured in the Nazi propaganda movie _Triumph of the Will_. All this attention brought him many enemies within the Nazi ranks, with plenty of rumors that he preferred little boys.

In 1940, Schirach organized the evacuation of five million children from cities threatened by Allied bombing. Later that year, he joined the army, volunteered for service in France, was promoted to _Leutnant_ , and decorated for bravery before being recalled.

In 1942, Hitler appointed him as Governor of Vienna, where Schirach was responsible for deporting 65,000 Viennese Jews to concentration camps. Although he was anti-semitic, even saying that deporting Jews was his “contribution to European culture,” still he was appalled by the conditions in which Jews were being deported and wrote a formal letter of complaint. He also sheltered the son and Jewish daughter-in-law of composer Richard Strauss for two years, until the Gestapo discovered them. Schirach personally made sure the two were not sent to a concentration camp, but placed under house arrest, as a favor to the composer.

In 1943, his wife Henriette made history books for being one of the few people to criticize Hitler to his face and survive. While visiting friends in Amsterdam, she witnessed Jews being violently grabbed off the street and hauled away. She was horrified, and her friends expressed grief that this was happening all across the Netherlands. (Actually, it was happening in all German-occupied countries, but average Germans never saw it.) They asked Henriette if she could tell Hitler about it, since she had been friends with him since her childhood. She immediately traveled to the Berghof, where the inner circle of Nazi leadership was in a meeting. She told Hitler about what horrors she saw, but he dismissed her as being _sentimental_. As he stood to leave, Henriette rose to her feet and declared, “Herr Hitler, you ought not to be doing that.” She had _dared_ to go against the Führer, and in front of his men! Hitler immediately sent her home, and the Schirach family never saw the Führer again. Shockingly, Baldur von Schirach did not lose his position in Vienna. Perhaps it was Hitler’s way of honoring his old friendship with Henriette.

As the war came to an end, Schirach sent Henriette and their children out of Vienna. He attempted to escape by disguising himself as a journalist, but he finally surrendered to the Allies. During the Nuremberg trials, U.S. prosecutor Thomas J. Dodd brought up the fact that his name was evoked in the song _We Are the Joyous Hitler Youth_ in the final line “Baldur von Schirach, take me with you!” (<https://collections.ushmm.org/search/catalog/irn1002311>) Schirach was one of the few high-ranking Nazi officials to disavow Hitler. He swore he was unaware of the existence of the extermination camps and produced evidence of his protest against the conditions of the Jewish deportation trains. This saved him from a death sentence, but he was still found guilty of crimes against humanity and sentenced to 20 years in prison. His wife divorced him, and upon his release he retired to the countryside, where he penned his memoir, _Ich glaubte an Hitler_ (I believed in Hitler) before his death in 1974.

> _“Schirach corrupted millions of German children so that they became what they really are today, the blind instruments of that policy of murder and domination which these men have carried out.” — Final speech of the British prosecution at Nuremberg against Schirach, August 30, 1946._


	16. Shattered Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dark aftermath of Levi’s public humiliation brings Eren closer to his teammates, but he also discovers the depth of depravity lurking in other fellow soldiers.

It was past sunset when Eren finally left the communications room, having spent the day trying to decipher what the Americans were saying over the radio. It was garbled, their accent was strange, most of it was in code, so he made very little progress. Listening and writing down what pieces he understood helped to take his mind off what had happened earlier.

When he stepped out, the sky was purple, yet there was still a bit of light to see by. He lit a cigarette, took a long drag to relax, and began to walk.

The dungeons? No. He had something else to check first.

He headed north to the edge of town and trekked out into the field, now dark and lacking the floral beauty that camouflaged the horror of that morning. He did not have a good idea of where precisely to go, but it was made easier by a man leaned over in the tall grass.

He called out, “ _Identifizieren Sie sich und Ihren Auftrag._ ” Identify yourself and state your purpose.

There was a gasp, obviously someone nervous at being caught. When the man stood up, he wore a German uniform.

“Eren?” came a soft question.

He squinted through the growing darkness. “Armin? Is that you? What are you doing out here?”

He pointed down to the ground. Eren was now close enough to see that Armin was in front of the corpse. “They just left him. I … I wasn’t sure if I could bury him, or if I should burn him.”

Eren knelt by the body and rolled him over. He was already stiff and cold, and Moses’ face was caught in a moment of shock, having just done something so horrible to a friend, only to see a gun in his face as soon as it was over, a split second of realizing his action had been futile, his pride and his very life reduced to nothing more than a few minutes of Nazi entertainment. Eren reached forward, closed the eyelids, and pushed the opened mouth shut. Armin folded the stiffened joints over Moses’ chest to look normal.

“Do you have a shovel?” Eren asked softly.

Armin pointed to his _Klappspaten_ , a small folding shovel issued to soldiers.

“It could take us all night with that,” Eren warned. “Are you willing to dig?”

“I would bury you,” Armin said quietly.

Eren thought about that. Those words showed that Armin really had come to think of these Jews as equals, despite what the captain said and did. He took the small spade and unfolded it. “I’ll get started. Run back and fetch mine.”

Armin took off across the field while Eren slammed the _Klappspaten_ into the dirt. He had not gotten to know this Jew very well, but still, they had talked through Levi’s interpretations. He reached out to Moses’ neck where he saw a glint of silver, and he removed a necklace with a locket. Glancing inside was a picture of a woman. A sister? A wife? What was this man’s life like before the war?

Just then, he heard a squeak from Armin, and Eren shoved the necklace into his pocket. He bolted up as he saw a tall shadow lurching over the uneven ground.

“Hey, Armin,” hailed the approaching person. “Don’t tell me that’s you as well, Jäger.”

“Jean?” they both cried out in astonishment.

“Do you really think you can bury a body with just a spade? You’re both idiots.” Jean came up to Eren and dropped two shovels. “I saw Armin leave. Who the hell carries his _Klappspaten_ around town? I realized what he must have planned. I swear, you both are in dangerous territory with these Jews.”

“You brought shovels,” Armin said in amazement.

“Well, if you’re going to do this, do it quickly before you’re caught. Armin and I will bury the body. Jäger…” Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jar. “It’s not much, but this will help that Jew. It’s for his ass, to help it heal quicker. It’s his to keep, by the way.”

Eren took the jar and opened it. The inside smelled of something herbal, some sort of medicinal cream. “Jean … but why? They’re Jews.”

Jean looked aside, and although it was dark, the moonlight showed the anger in his face. “I had a good friend: Marco. He was Romani, and his caravan was camped outside our village for years. My parents didn’t want me anywhere near them, said the Romani would kidnap me, kill me, maybe even eat me. But Marco and I, we were closer than brothers. I would sneak out to go play with him in the woods.” Jean pulled out a pocket watch. “His father was a watchmaker, the best in the region, and he made this for me for my fifteenth birthday. Marco, his family, his entire group, they were _not_ thieves and murderers. They were Catholic, they sang, danced, worked hard … yet my parents and teachers said they were subhuman.

“One day, the camp was raided by Gestapo. Every last Romani was killed, even women and children … including Marco. I found him amidst the dead. We … We couldn’t bury them all. There were too many bodies. We had to burn the whole camp.”

Jean had to pause as the memories flashed vividly through his mind, something that haunted him still, and probably always would.

“I may not like Jews,” he whispered, “but part of me wonders if that’s only because I’ve grown up being told not to like them. When we were taught in school that the Romani were all heathen criminals, it made me so mad, because the person I remember was a boy with dark hair, freckles, and a smile that made you smile back, no matter how bad your day had been, a boy who … no matter which parents we were born to, no matter the color of our skin … we were brothers.” His voice hitched, his eyes began to water, and he cried out in a deeply buried old anguish, “ _I couldn’t bury my brother_.”

“Jean,” Armin said quietly, looking ready to cry as well.

“So I get it,” he said, glaring at Eren as a tear slipped down his cheek. “I may think it’s foolish and dangerous … but I get it. Your mother was Jewish, right?”

“Part Jewish,” Eren whispered. “Enough to get her killed.”

“So you’re in the same place I am with Romani people. We’re told they’re evil, and we just can’t accept it, because we knew someone who meant the world to us, and we can’t believe that they were _the personification of the Devil_ , no matter how many times our parents and teachers and soldiers and _everyone around us_ all repeat those words. We can’t be forced to believe it, because we know they are _wrong_. They’re wrong about the Romani … and maybe they’re wrong about Jews too. Maybe everything we were taught was wrong.” He looked down at the dead body. “Maybe we’re the ones who are evil. Maybe Nazis are the true devils. So take care of your Jewish friend. Just don’t do anything to get yourself killed.”

Eren clasped Jean on the shoulder with a grateful smile. “You may have the face of a horse—”

“Hey!”

“—but you have the soul of a saint. Thank you.”

Jean rolled his eyes, but Eren was pretty sure he would have been blushing if it was bright enough to see. “Get going, before someone beats your Jewish friend to death. And keep a closer eye on him. People are going to hate him more now than ever before.”

Eren nodded and took off. He heard the shovels begin to break into the flower field as he jogged back to the village.

There were not many lights in the village. With Allied planes sometimes flying overhead, there was a constant fear of an air raid, so the captain ordered the town to be blacked out after sunset. Luckily, after months living in the village, Eren knew his way around blindfolded. He walked through the dark cobbled streets to the small castle. No one was around this late, so he made his way downstairs to the dungeon. He saw there was a lamp left on, with dim orange light pouring through the doorway. That was odd, since all the Jews should have been back by now, and they were normally left in pitch blackness until morning. Perhaps whoever locked them away for the night forgot to blow out the lamp.

As he trotted down the stairs, he heard distant, echoing grunts, and he slowed his steps into silence. As he reached the bottom of the stairs and around a corner, he saw Levi lying face-down on his tiny cot with his arms tied to the bars of his cell. Grützmacher was on top, his trousers removed, thrusting into Levi.

Fire raged through Eren as he stormed inside. “What the _hell_ are you doing?”

Grützmacher pulled back sharply with a look of dread. “Jäger!”

Disbelief shivered through Eren. This couldn’t be happening! It couldn’t! He felt his stomach surge up and he saw Levi’s beaten body.

“Shit! You … you’re…”

“It’s his fault,” Grützmacher yelled, pointing to Levi. “I thought I’d mess with him, but he kept moaning. He enticed me. This Jew is the one who—”

Eren ran into the prison, slammed Grützmacher up against the wall, and punched him across the face. “You were the one who tied him up.” Eren grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head into the stone wall again. “You were the one _raping_ him!”

“Like you haven’t thought about it,” Grützmacher screamed, shoving Eren back hard. “I see how you come in here all the time, even late at night.” He narrowed his eyes at Eren. “I bet you’re just jealous that his ass is not yours alone.”

Eren punched him again, and Grützmacher’s head hit the stone wall with a crunch. Eren punched him more, hitting his forehead, flattening his nose, breaking out his teeth, bashing his face in over and over, screaming in rage as blood splattering over his knuckles. Finally, the blond German slumped to the ground, and Eren gave his body a few sharp kicks, over and over.

“You’re sick,” Eren said, kicking again as he shook in rage. “You’re all sick. What the hell happened to the Germany I knew?”

Breathing hard, he looked down, but Grützmacher was not getting back up. So he looked over to Levi, who was naked and prone on the bed. Eren’s heart ached to see him like that. At least Grützmacher had used an oil to help with the despicable act, but he had been brutal. Red marks that would be bruises covered Levi’s back and buttocks.

Eren was still shivering when a tiny whimper broke the silence, a woman barely whispering the word “ _Merci_.” Eren gasped as he looked around. He had not even realized that all the Jews were back in their prison cells, traumatized, crying, helpless to rescue their friend.

“You fucking son of a bitch,” he cursed in horror. “You did that in front of all of them?” Eren looked down at Levi again, how his body trembled in pain and horror. He took a step forward. “Levi?”

He screamed insanely, “ _Ne me touchez pas_.” Don’t touch me.

“Levi, it’s me.” He took a step closer and began to reach for the rope tying him to the prison bars.

Levi shrieked, “ _N’osez pas me toucher, bâtard!_ ” Don’t you dare touch me, bastard.

“Levi!” he yelled.

He seemed to snap out of a nightmare. Slowly, his face raised, and Eren saw it was already swelling from punches.

“ _Verdammt!_ How long has this been going on?” His voice raised into a scream of rage. “How many times did he do that to you?”

Levi took a while to translate through his shaken mind. “That was the third time. He tied me up and began almost as soon as we got here. Twice, he finished. Then the others came. He and the soldier who did roll call raped two of the women, right in front of us. Then they left laughing together. He came back just a few minutes ago. He … He just got started.”

Eren turned away as sobs burst out. Tears he had been repressing all day flowed from his eyes, and emotions he had turned off now hit him with full intensity. He sank to the floor and covered his face.

“ _Nein. Das ist nicht mein Deutschland._ ” No. This is not my Germany. “ _Das … ist nicht … mein Deutschland._ ” The tears kept coming as all of his pride as a German crumbled to nothing. “ _Nein_ ,” he whispered. “ _Mein Gott, nein._ ” My God, no.

He glared over at Grützmacher and realized the soldier was not moving. He wanted to beat the man up more, really make him suffer, but as Eren waited for him to moan and regain consciousness, he realized Grützmacher’s body was still. Sniffing up tears, he crawled over. He felt Grützmacher’s neck, but there was no pulse. He pulled open the eyelids, but the pupils did not respond.

“I think I killed him.” He felt the throat closer, then the wrist. “I … I killed him. He’s dead. I killed … a German.”

Eren slowly turned aside from the corpse, walked over to Levi, and removed the ropes binding his wrists. Levi pushed himself up, but he flinched with a squelched whimper of pain as his ass hurt. Biting his lip, he managed to sit upright and rubbed out raw redness in his wrists.

“Bring your stuff,” Eren said dispassionately. “I’m putting you in a different cell for tonight. We … We’ll need to remove the body.”

Levi saw the same emotional detachment as earlier that day. This young soldier had been taught how to shut off everything, to close himself down, turning his heart to stone, so he could do what was needed without dealing with emotions. Soldiers usually only learned how to do that after many years of hard battles. Levi wondered if the training to perfect this emotional detachment began when Eren was still a child in school.

He gathered his clothes and walked nude through the dungeon to another prison. Eren locked him inside the cell that used to belong to Moses.

“I will keep the key on me, so no one can get to you.” He pulled out the necklace in his pocket and removed the little locket on it. “Moses was wearing this.” He gave only the locket over. Then he strung the prison key around his neck with the silver chain and tucked it away in his shirt. “I’ll be back later. I … I need to report this. I need to tell the captain … Grützmacher is dead. I killed him. I need to report this.”

“ _Takhshet_?” Levi said softly.

“You’ll be safe in here. Two of my friends are taking care of Moses’ body right now. It’ll be okay. You … You’ll be safe. I need to report this.” He turned and walked away, almost stumbling as he went up the stairs.

Levi watched silently as he left.

“Levi?” a tiny voice whispered. He looked over at one of the women who had been raped while they all looked on, locked away and helpless to save her. “ _Que s’est-il passé?_ ” What’s going on?

“ _Ce connard est mort. Restez calme et allongez-vous._ ” The fucker’s dead. Stay calm and lie down.

Still shaken and bruised, the woman nodded and curled up on her little cot. The others also went to bed, hoping that if they all seemed to be asleep, the Nazis would be less inclined to hurt them even more. Levi looked down at the locket in his hand, then around at the cell. It still even smelled like Moses. Levi clenched the locket and sneered.

“ _Pourquoi, Seigneur? Pourquoi?_ ” Why, Lord? Why?

* * *

Eren knocked on a thick wooden door and entered when called. He stepped inside Kitz Woermann’s office.

“ _Herr Leutnant?_ Is something wrong?”

Eren blankly blurted out, “Grützmacher is dead.”

The captain sprang up. “The Jew?”

“No, _Herr Hauptmann_. It was me. I … I killed him.”

Kitz narrowed his eyes as he saw the hollow dread on the young man’s face. “What happened, Jäger?”

“I went to make sure the Jew’s cell was properly locked for the night. Just a habit. I went down there … and I saw Grützmacher … raping the Jew. He had tied the Jew up, and he was in his ass. The Jew said he was raped three times by Grützmacher. I … I felt … so disgusted.” He shut his eyes and clenched his hand.

“So you attacked him?”

“I was going to kill the Jew,” he lied. “I know you said not to, and it was obviously not his fault, but … rage took over reason. Grützmacher got in my way. He wanted to protect his Jewish sex toy,” he said with a sneer. “We fought, and … and I killed him. He’s dead. You’ll find him in the Jew’s cell. I’ve moved the prisoner to a new cell so Grützmacher’s body can be retrieved without the Jew escaping. Do not send women, though. He was not wearing trousers.”

Kitz walked up to Eren and clasped him firmly on the shoulder. Despite himself, Eren flinched and half a sob shook out.

“What you did was the justice of Hitler himself. Grützmacher must have already been homosexual deep in his heart. We should be on the lookout for others like that, those whose unnatural tendencies may have been awakened.”

“If I may make a suggestion, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said, still shaken, but trying to look up into his captain’s face. “Anyone with such a … a _disgusting_ preference will now seek out that particular Jew, just like Grützmacher did. I recommend we keep him locked in the dungeon for no less than a week, until the sexual fervor settles down. We may even look into having a party, bring some French women in, show these soldiers that they do not need to resort to a man. I don’t want anyone else to end up corrupted like that.”

Kitz snickered. “I think the men will like that, especially the plan to bring in some girls. Of course, you’re probably suggesting that for yourself, being such a robust young man.” Laughing, he gave Eren a friendly punch to the shoulder.

Eren smiled awkwardly. “Perhaps my recommendation wasn’t completely altruistic.”

“It’s healthy to take a woman now and then. I wouldn’t want such a fine lieutenant to be tempted by a man’s ass.”

Eren cringed slightly and gulped despite himself.

“Is something wrong?” Kitz asked suspiciously.

“I’ve … never killed a German. I apologize. It’s hitting me worse than the first time I shot a man.” He looked up at the aged captain. “You’ve killed Germans before, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

Kitz’s face went cold. “When it was required.”

Eren looked conflicted. “Is it really this hard?”

“Yes,” he said right away. “They are Aryans, our own kind, brothers of German blood. Of course it’s different from killing foreigners and subhumans. For one, you realize that some family back home will get the news. The Grützmacher family will be shamed because of their good-for-nothing son. I’ll have to include in my report that he was executed for attacking an officer and being a homosexual.”

“Executed?” Eren said in surprise.

“That’s how I see this. What you did only saved me the effort. If you had captured him instead of killing him, do you know what happens to a German soldier caught in the act of buggery?”

Eren cringed back a step. “He’s probably shot.”

“If he’s lucky and his commanding officer is weak. Homosexuals are usually shipped off to the prison camps, but I can’t be bothered with that out here in France. I would make a public display of this disgusting act, more than what your school did. Flogging, castration, then we would hang him.”

Eren gulped. “In that case, Grützmacher got off lucky. It was over in a few seconds.”

“Too lucky. Also, no matter how disgusted you are with them, try not to kill that particular Jew. The others, I don’t care what happens, but it’s a sick twist of fate that we need that one.”

“Then, if I may ask, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he said cautiously. “Why did you pick him for today’s punishment?”

“He was caught stealing food.”

Eren said nothing, but he recalled that Levi said all he had done was eat a piece of potato stuck to the inside of a pot.

“Besides,” Kitz added, “that one is unusually clever for a Jew. He knows we need him, so he needs to learn more than any of the others that he is nothing in our eyes but a tool. He is a mouth that can translate for us. As soon as we no longer need him—”

“Please give me the honor of shooting him, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren blurted out. “After having to work with him, speaking that barbaric language, I want to be the one to shoot him.”

Kitz chuckled with a proud glint in his eyes. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to take away your prize.”

Eren sighed in relief. If he demanded to be the one to kill Levi, Kitz would be inclined to honor that, and that meant, at the very least, he would not shoot Levi on a whim. In a way, by claiming the right to Levi’s execution, Eren was saving his life.

“In the meantime, keep using that filthy tool. Double your efforts on learning French. The sooner you can shoot that Jew, the better.”

“It’s a horrible language to learn,” he said, rolling his eyes at the frustration of trying to study a language so unlike his own. “At least English sounds similar to German, but French doesn’t make sense to me in the slightest.”

Kitz laughed in agreement. “No language compares to German. It’s a shame we have to use another language at all. These French Jew-lovers should have learned German, since we’ve been ruling over them for all these years.” He began to walk toward the door. “I need you to come along.”

“I’d rather not, _Herr Hauptmann_. I’m still shaken by what I witnessed. I’m not sure if I can look at Grützmacher and not want to kill him all over again.”

“Rein in that revulsion long enough to give an official report on the incident. I also need you to tell that Jew that, despite what happened today, he must still work for us, and if he is caught falsifying his translations, today’s events will be merciful in comparison.”

Eren wanted to get away, but he was compelled to follow as the captain gathered some medics to carry away the body. They went down to the dungeons, and Kitz covered his nose at the stench of unwashed bodies and unemptied toilet buckets.

“Filthy Jews! Grützmacher was insane to want to touch one of them, let alone sodomize one.” He saw the German, the back of his skull crushed inward and most of his face bashed flat. “You have some power in your fists to smash a man’s skull by punching him.” Grützmacher’s pants were still off and tossed to the side. “Sick. There’s still blood and shit on his penis. That’s more than enough evidence of his crime. I expect a written report by noon tomorrow, Lieutenant Jäger.”

“ _Jawohl, Herr Hauptmann_ ,” he said, saluting weakly.

Kitz patted his shoulder again. “You did well. Defeat the disease of this continent, no matter what uniform it wears. Be sure you warn that Jew.” He walked up to Levi’s cell and glared at the small man hunched down in the corner with blankets wrapped around him. “You may not be homosexual yourself, but you are a magnet to the vile scum of this world. You should be happy that Jäger killed your rapist, and that I shot that faggot Jew. Still, I wonder if a parasite like you realizes, for a moment there, you had the penis of a dead man inside you.” He laughed sadistically and marched away, following the medics carrying the body out on a stretcher.

Eren remained where he was. He looked over at the blood on the wall where he had bashed in Grützmacher’s head. He also realized there was more blood on the sleeping cot where Levi had been tied up, as well as sticky white stains.

It took him almost a full minute to build up the courage to look over to Levi’s prison cell. The small man had wrapped himself up in a a dingy gray blanket, trembling slightly. Eren saw the darkened eyes staring at him in the pale flicker of an oil lantern.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Levi’s cold gaze stayed on him. “Do you really think I would answer that honestly?”

Eren dropped his head. Of course he was not okay. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re not the one who did it.”

“I stepped on your hand. I kicked you,” he pointed out.

Levi rolled his eyes. “Fine, be sorry for that. I’ve been kicked much harder. Your legs are weak from sitting around picking your nose.” Although he tried to have some of his normal contrary attitude, his voice lacked the energy now.

Eren slowly approached the barred cell. “I, um … I have some medicine.” He pulled out the jar from Jean. “It’s to help with your … your, um…”

“My raped ass?” Levi said levelly.

Eren gulped down a surge from his stomach and only nodded.

“I see. What are your orders?”

Eren jolted up. “What? Orders?”

“That’s what this was about, right? Learn to follow German orders, no matter what they are. Even if you follow them, you may die. There is no guarantee or word of honor with Nazis. Only obedience.”

“No!” he cried out, but Eren’s throat clenched off. He had a point. “May I enter and treat you?”

“If I say no, will you rape me as well?”

“Levi!” he shouted, feeling stung by that.

Levi turned his head away so he did not have to see the hurt expression on the young soldier’s face. “Do what you want.” He removed the blanket, exposing his bruised, naked body. “At this point, I don’t care even if you do rape me.”

“ _Nie!_ Never! I won’t hurt you, I swear. I just want to help. Wait a moment. I’ll wash you. You like to be clean, right?”

Eren ran back upstairs. Making sure no one saw, he grabbed a bucket of water, a bar of soap, and two cleaning rags from out of the castle kitchen. When he returned, Levi was still sitting naked on his bed. Eren pulled out his key and opened the cell.

“Stand out here, near the drain.”

Levi limped out to where there was a grate in the floor. Eren prepared one of the towels with water and soap. Meanwhile, Levi glared out at the many dark eyes gazing from behind shadowy prison bars.

He snapped at them, “ _Qu’est-ce que vous regardez? Vous avez jamais vu de Juif à poil avant?_ ” What are you looking at? Have you never seen a naked Jew before?

They all stopped staring and politely faced the wall or rolled over in bed, giving him privacy.

Eren was once again impressed that the Jews followed Levi’s command so naturally. Obviously, this was what made him a good captain back in the day. “The water is cold. Sorry.”

“ _Takhshet_ , I’ve been bathing in a river for months. Do you really think I care anymore about a hot bath?”

“One day, you should get one,” he said softly.

Levi briefly looked at him. This man, to say such a considerate thing…

Eren started at Levi’s neck, dipping water into his hand and pouring it over the small, lean body, then rubbing over it with the soapy cloth. This close, he could see every detail of Levi’s body, from scars to moles to the fine hairs on his chest. Eren rubbed circles around his skin, from neck to shoulders to chest, down the back that had boot-size bruises on it, to his well-toned but starved thin stomach. Then he held out Levi’s arms and scrubbing from fingers up to his armpit. Levi moved wherever Eren shifted him, often staring straight ahead, but sometimes glancing over in a mix of confusion and wary appreciation.

“I remember your legs are sensitive,” Eren said, and he held the cloth out to Levi.

Something cracked in Levi’s heart. Eren remembered! He did not want to touch inappropriately and humiliate Levi like what had happened before. Somehow, knowing there was someone this understanding in a cruel world that had taken away all he loved, anyone he had befriended, stolen away his pride and dignity … somehow, this tiny display of consideration brought a tear to his eye.

Levi snatched the towel away and turned aside, quickly scrubbing his legs, down to his feet. He did not want Eren to see how close he was to breaking apart. He then tried to reach around to clean his ass, but the shoulder the Germans had roughly pulled earlier was swollen. He sucked between his teeth at the stab of pain.

“Allow me,” said Eren.

“No!” Levi yanked away, but a pain shot through his back, hips, and buttocks. He nearly doubled over, but Eren swiftly grabbed him.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“Let go of me!” he screamed.

“Levi…”

He thrashed against Eren’s strong arms. “ _Ne me touchez pas! Espèces de sales boches. Je vous hais tous…_ ”

“Levi! Calm down.”

“ _Je vais te tuer!_ ” I’ll kill you!

Eren grabbed him even tighter and smothered the screams into his uniform before someone came down to check on the commotion. “Seriously, you need to calm down. I’m sorry if it was wrong to offer. I just know you need that area cleaned properly, and it’s not easy to reach. It means nothing, Levi. Nothing! I’m only cleaning, I swear.”

Before Levi realized it, instead of hitting Eren, he was clinging to him. The rage broke into tears, and he hid his face from the pain. He felt Eren’s huge hand on his head, pulling him in closer, allowing him to cry into the _feldgrau_ uniform.

“It’s okay now. It’s safe.”

He felt Eren’s hands, one soothingly resting on his head, one rubbing his back, and the gentleness broke him even more.

“No,” he whispered, not to Eren, but to himself, one last protest against the surging emotions. He hiccuped a sob, but he could not stop the flood of tears. Eren did not tell him to stop, to be strong, to act like a man. No, he held Levi as if he understood perfectly well what it was like to live for years hiding behind a wall of strength, only to have those walls crumble in an instant.

Then Levi heard a sympathetic whimper. His eyes flashed open, and he saw that all the Jews were once again staring, worried by his shouts. He said weakly, too tired to sound even remotely threatening, “ _Regardez ailleurs, ou je vous tuerai tous._ ” Look away, or I’ll kill you all.

They all turned away, giving him a moment of weakness that they all knew he deserved.

In the two years since his wife’s death, Levi had never wept in grief, never screamed in terror, never flinched as guns were pulled on him. He had to stay firm. He had to protect the others. There was no time to worry about himself when there were lives depending on him to be strong. He never let anyone see how this war had broken him long ago.

Now, he felt himself finally crumbling under all the shattered dreams and the weight of the lost souls along the way. He stopped struggling and surrendered to the warmth of Eren’s arms. After everything that happened to him, after the public humiliation, the grief of watching Moses being murdered after agreeing to do anything to stay alive, the horror of being repeatedly raped, and watching helplessly as other women were raped right in front of him … after all that, what did he care if the other Jews saw him being comforted by the one soldier who gave a damn about them?

“That’s good,” Eren whispered as he realized Levi was calming down. “Pretend I’m your mother, and I’m hugging you after a nightmare.”

Levi snuffled moistly and replied with an irascible gruffness, “My mother was cuter than you.”

Eren chuckled and held him consolingly. “Then pretend I’m some ugly aunt.”

He thought he heard a laugh, but it was sniffed away along with the tears. After a minute to calm down, Levi pulled aside and wiped his wet face. His cheeks were pale except for the bruises, his eyes outlined in pink with wet lashes, but he looked more relaxed.

“You’re right. My ass is a mess, and I can’t reach it.” He sneered and grumbled, “ _Ça fait putain de mal._ ” That fucking hurts. “That bastard really stomped hard on my back. I think he cracked something. I can’t move in certain ways without a burning pain. Your kick to my ass didn’t help much either.”

“Then let me make up for that. I’ll clean away the boot print from where I kicked you, that’s all.”

Levi still looked hesitant, but he finally nodded. He went back into the cell and slowly, achingly, laid himself face-down on the cot. “This is easier for me. Even standing hurts right now.”

Eren moved the cleaning supplies over. He also sat on the bed and gazed at Levi’s whip-scarred back. This was no time to admire him. Levi needed assistance, and Eren wanted to help in any way he could.

“I’ll clean away all the filth,” Eren said soothingly.

He wrung out the wet cloth and gently spread the small butt cheeks that had finger-size bruises all across them. Levi flinched hard and buried his mouth down into the pillow. His whole body shook for a moment in memories of pain and humiliation.

“It’s okay. I won’t do anything to hurt you. I’m only cleaning.”

Levi relaxed at the promise. Still, as Eren delicately washed aside blood, semen, and filth, Levi’s mind brewed with evil memories. Just a few hours ago, other hands had been touching him there, and he could not stop them. Now, he gripped his pillow tightly, but he knew he was free. He could escape! More than that, he knew that all he had to say was _Stop_ , and Eren would stop.

He trusted Eren. Even with this, even to touch this most intimate area, he trusted him.

Eren looked down, realizing precisely what he was washing away, and he was torn between rage and grief. If it had been him hurt like that…

He could not imagine it and did not want to try. Still, could he allow anyone, especially a man, to wash him there? For that matter, would any of his men want to touch this area? Probably not. Even Armin would probably have to be ordered for him to reluctantly agree to clean his ass. Eren knew of no one who would volunteer to help him with such an intimate task.

So why had he so quickly volunteered to help Levi?

The forbidden answer was that he _wanted_ to touch him here, yet that answer was not fully honest. The darker truth was that he felt guilty. At sunset, he had debating between going to the prison or going out into the field to bury Moses. He assumed Levi would be fine, locked away in his cell. If he had gone right then, maybe he would not have stopped Grützmacher completely, but he could have prevented the women from also being raped, and from Levi being subjected to a third round of humiliation.

He felt guilty because he knew right away that Grützmacher was up to no good, yet never imagined he would resort to something so horrific.

He felt guilty because all these months had passed, and he had not done anything to help Levi to escape. He hated the idea of him one day running off without even a goodbye. He selfishly wanted to keep Levi nearby, yet also feared having him too close.

He felt guilty because he wanted Levi to stay with him, but now he saw just how tenuous the relationship between Nazis and Jews was.

He felt guilty because he could feel Levi’s body shaking, yet he selfishly wanted to touch him more.

Casually, Eren said, “You know, if you cry into your pillow, no one will hear it.”

Maybe that was all Levi needed. Of course, Eren heard the sobs, and he felt the small man’s body shuddering. He rubbed the wet washcloth softer, wishing there was some cure, like how his mother’s kiss used to make things better.

He dried everything, then opened the jar of medicine to find the cream inside was not plain white, but vividly bright green.

“I’m not sure what this is, to tell you the truth,” he said, dipping his finger in and testing it. “Jean said it would help your ass. I’m slightly curious as to why he would have something like that.”

“Hemorrhoids, most likely. It smells like _agropyre_ , or wheatgrass.”

“ _Weizengras_ ,” Eren quickly translated into German.

“An old man in my home village used to drink some hideous concoction that smelled just like that. I remember someone saying it was wheatgrass, and he used it for constipation and hemorrhoids.”

Eren sputtered out a laugh. “Ooh, I have _got_ to tease Jean about that one!”

Softly, trying to be as tender as possible, knowing that area must hurt, he again spread the small butt cheeks with one hand and stroked his cream-coated fingers over the small puckering. Levi flinched hard and let out a tiny cry of instinctive fear, only to instantly calm himself, repeating in his head, this was only Eren, this was only Eren.

Not that know it was Eren really helped to calm his mind from _other_ thoughts.

Eren tried to be careful, feeling the flinches of pain and hearing the way Levi’s breath caught at times. His heart ached to touch Levi in this area, knowing he had been brutalized. He shook his head, hating the way his eyes burned, and he wiped aside a tear, hoping none of the other Jews saw him.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I told you, don’t be.” Besides, if he heard Eren talk too much with that gentle voice, he might break apart again.

Eren wanted to keep touching, but he knew that area must hurt, so he pulled his hands back, wiped his fingers on a corner of the blanket, and screwed the cap onto the jar of cream. Then he reached into a pouch on his belt, pulled out another jar of medicine, opened the cap, and rubbed a floral-smelling cream onto the reddened bruises.

“What is that one?” asked Levi.

“ _Arnika_. It’s made from a plant. All the soldiers have it in their supplies. It will take down the swelling.”

“We call it _la teinture d’arnica_ ,” Levi muttered into the pillow. “My mother would use that on bruises.”

“Did you get a lot of bruises as a child?”

Levi snorted with a bit of smugness. “Sure, but I always won the fight.”

“I bet your mother was proud, then. Roll around. I’ll get your front.”

He was slow, and he flinched the entire time, but he managed to make it around. Lying on his back hurt. Levi realized that he would probably have to sleep on his stomach for a few days. Being polite, Eren pulled the blanket up to cover Levi’s naked groin.

He grumbled, “I’m surprised you would do this to another man.”

Eren made a slight shrug. “It’s not about being male or female. Feelings exist because we have a soul, and the soul is not affected by what anatomy we have. What I feel, I feel because we are two humans trapped amidst chaos.”

“Two _humans_? Your captain certainly doesn’t see me as a human.”

“Well, I do. We’re the same.”

“Same? No _Übermensch_ or _Untermensch_ anymore?”

“No,” Eren whispered, feeling dirty that, just a few months ago, he had firmly believed such things. “I know now, all I was taught, all my people believe, it’s a lie. It’s a disgusting, horrible lie that has killed far too many people. I … have killed people.”

“Civilians?”

“Never that. Only soldiers.”

“That’s war, and that’s different from shooting innocent civilians.” He added quietly, “Or from killing a rapist.”

“Still, I was following the orders of people who are wrong, and I _knew_ they were wrong, but … but I wanted to believe I was superior … if only because I know I am messed up inside.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Messed up how?”

Eren said nothing, but his eyes conveyed such deep sorrow and guilt. Levi looked aside with his lips pursed. Did he dare to ask?

“Be honest,” he whispered. “What, exactly, do you feel for me?”

Eren jolted at the question, and instantly his eyes flashed in rage. “How dare you question my honor as a man—”

“Be honest!” he snapped.

Eren flinched under those dark, dangerous, commanding eyes. His heart hammered in his chest, and he forced his gaze down, only to see the naked, pale, scarred body he had been touching. Of course Levi would question his intentions; it was only fair. “Right now? I feel guilty, and I feel … I don’t know a good English word to describe it.”

“Lust?” Levi said with a glare of disgust.

“No!” he shouted, and Levi saw that Eren was being honest. Whatever this was, it was not something so crude as lust. “I feel a need to help, to protect, to care for you. I feel … like a mother? Maybe? It’s hard to explain.”

Levi intoned coldly. “I am _not_ a child.”

“Not like that,” he quickly corrected. “I told you, I can’t think of the word.”

Levi decided to let it go. After all, emotions were confusing enough without a language barrier. “So, you feel like nurturing me?”

“Nurture! That’s the word, yes!”

“And it’s not about being male or female? Are you sure you’re not homosexual or hiding boobs under that uniform?”

Eren laughed awkwardly. “I assure you, I’m all male.”

“How you’ve acted at times, I wonder.”

Eren focused his gaze onto the bruises and rubbed on more cream. “Would you hate me?”

“If you were a woman in disguise to fight a war? No. I would think you were brave.”

“No, I mean … do you hate homosexuals?” His words were a mere wisp of air.

Levi stared, seeing the unspoken fears in those teal eyes. He sighed, looked away, and answered, “I have no reason to hate them. There were people who hated me for marrying a _goy_ , a non-Jew. I felt they should mind their own damn business. Same with men who love men, or women who love women. It’s none of my damn business. They fell in love, and what is the harm in that? How does that in any way threaten me? Why should I hate someone for simply falling in love? Even what that man did to me, I’m sure homosexuals are not all like that.”

“No!” Eren caught his breath as soon as he said that one word. “No, I’m sure they’re not. Not that I would know.”

Levi wanted to laugh at this awkward man. Fine, let him keep his secrets. It was safer that way.

Still, the ghostly touches of Eren’s warm fingers on his skin now overwhelmed his mind. Levi already knew this was more than merely applying a medicinal cream. It was an excuse to be closer, to touch him, to indulge in that desire to nurture him, and for some reason, he was not repulsed. He knew that reciprocation was a death sentence, but he did not mind knowing that Eren wanted to treat him gently, nurture him, and protect him. It honestly felt flattering.

_This brat!_

Eren finally capped his arnica jar. “By the way,” he said, his voice forcefully more perky after all the tension, “maybe this is some good news: I convinced my captain to let you stay here and rest for a week.”

“How in the world did you manage that?”

Eren grinned broadly. “I’m smarter than he is.”

“That’s not much to brag about. My old dog was smarter than that owl-eyed pig.”

“Hey!”

“Thank you,” Levi said, his voice sincere, but then he sneered. “I seriously hate thanking you so much.”

“Then you don’t need to until this war is over. Save up all your thank-yous until then.”

Levi scowled. “What are the chances of both of us surviving this war?”

“Probably higher than you think. Don’t thank me, keep a tally, and when this war is over, I will make sure you pay me back, with interest. That’s how Jews do it, right?”

Levi groaned and shook his head. Was that supposed to be a joke? He rolled back over to his stomach, but he flinched from a sharp pain in his back. That bastard really did crack something when he stomped so hard.

Eren saw the pained face and was eager to assist. “Do you need help to get dressed?”

Levi let out a weary sigh. “To be honest, I’m not sure if my body is ready for clothes. I seriously hurt everywhere, and wearing trousers would just be another pain.”

“Then let me cover you.”

Eren pulled up the blanket and tucked it around Levi. He smoothed the gray blanket down, caressing along the arch of his back, indulging in one last touch, but his hand came to a quick stop just before the small mound of Levi’s butt. He pulled away and drew his fingers into a fist.

“The butt cream is yours to keep. I’ll be back tomorrow. If anyone bothers you, remember their face and tell me. I have the only key to the cell. Unless the whole castle burns down, you should be safe.”

“Bars don’t hold back bullets,” Levi said wryly.

“No, but an order from the captain that you have to remain alive will keep the guns silent. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He left the tiny cell, locked it securely, and put the key back around his neck.

Levi watched him go, listening to those clicking boot heels on the cold stone dungeon floor, and he suddenly called out. “ _Takhshet!_ ”

Eren paused and looked around in curiosity.

Levi had no idea why he called out like that. He hated that a part of him simply did not want Eren to leave. Now he was stuck, having shouted out to him with nothing to say. He searched around for some excuse for his outburst, and then he saw a glint of the locket Eren had handed over to him.

“You said your two friends were taking care of Moses’ body.”

“Yes, Armin and Jean. That’s the smaller one and the man with the face like a horse.”

“Are they burning the body, or burying?”

“Jean brought shovels, so I assume burying. Plus they’re doing it under the cover of night, so a fire would attract too much attention.”

“That’s good,” he sighed. “A Frenchman should be buried in French soil. Tell your friends, their act honors us. I’m not sure if they even care, but for Jews, a proper burial is important.”

Eren nodded dutifully. “I’ll tell them. Sleep well.”

He blew out the lantern and went up the stairs. Levi collapsed back on the cot with his face smashed into the pillow.

“It still reeks of him,” he muttered, hating the familiar smell of Moses now that he realized how the man’s last minutes had been spent in the worst form of shame. Levi closed his eyes. “ _Chacun d’entre vous, s’il vous plaît, priez avec moi._ ” All of you, please, pray with me.

With that call to his fellow prisoners, Levi began to chant a prayer in Hebrew. “ _Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba_.”

To which the others replied, “Amen.”

 _“B’alma di v’ra chirutei,_  
 _v’yamlich malchutei,_  
 _b’chayeichon uv’yomeichon_  
 _uv’chayei d’chol beit Yisrael,_  
 _baagala uviz’man kariv._  
 _V’im’ru: Amen._ ”

The others replied with a solemn response, “Amen.”

Although they were all tired, although Levi hurt so badly that he wanted nothing more than to pass out, he prayed the Mourner’s Kaddish for Moses and spent the next hour offering up prayers, in Hebrew and in French, to the man who lost his life despite doing everything imaginable to stay alive. Honoring him now made up for being unable to save him, to save any of them, and helped to put his shattered mind back together.

One by one, the others drifted off to sleep, also comforted by the prayers, safe from the nightmares if only for a few hours. Tomorrow was going to be another day of slavery under the oppression of the Nazis, but for a few moments, the Jews felt at peace.

# # #

# #

#

_**Klappspaten** – a folding shovel and standard issue for Heer soldiers, especially where digging trenches was expected._

_**Wheatgrass** – Many of my hipster friends grow pots of this to throw into their juice drinks along with kale, dandelion, spirulina, and all sorts of greens. [One medicinal use](https://www.fissureremedy.com/Hemorrhoids-Remedy/index.html) is for constipation, anal fissures, fistula, and hemorrhoids._

_**Arnica** is amazing for bruises, stiffness, and swelling. “Arnika Tinktur” was commonly used by German soldiers during WWII, with some soldiers carrying the dried flowers around in their packs._

_Levi recites the **[Mourner’s Kaddish](https://www.shiva.com/learning-center/sitting-shiva/kaddish/)** , a prayer traditionally recited in memory of the dead. I have attended many Jewish funerals with my husband, and the chanting of the Kaddish is always the most touching part. It is about life, not the grimness of death, and it is half chanted, half sung. It is then recited daily by people mourning the loss of their parents; for eleven months it is said every day, and then it is recited on the anniversary of their death. This corresponds to the 12 months a soul spends in Sheol before moving on to whatever comes after._

_**Punishment for homosexuality** in the Nazi military varied widely, depending on the location and commander. Homosexuality was illegal, but occasionally using men to relieve sexual tension was generally shrugged off as soldiers just having some fun. For instance, in Finland, Wehrmacht soldiers were sternly told not to act inappropriately toward women, but taking male prostitutes or even sexually assaulting men was totally fine, even seen as a proof of Aryan dominance over “lesser men,” to the point where the Esplanade in central Helsinki was deemed “[dangerous for Finnish young men](https://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?t=48004).” In other areas, a homosexual soldier could be executed, sometimes after torture, castration, and public humiliation._

_Jean mentions that his friend Marco was **Romani**. The Romani people are an ethnic group consisting of Roma, Sinti, and Kale. Due to their nomadic life and darker skin, Europeans had no clue where they came from. In England, they were thought to be Egyptian, which became Gyptian, and that became Gypsy, a term many Romani consider to be derogatory. Genetic testing shows that they were originally from northern India, and “Sinti” likely came from Sindhi in Pakistan. They have their own language, customs, dress, and music. Over the centuries, Romani caravans adopted local ways, including religions. They can be Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or non-religious.  
_

  
**_(Vincent van Gogh, “The Caravans – Gypsy Camp near Arles”)_ **

_They were brutally persecuted throughout European history, depicted as criminals, thieves, and spies. Many countries forced Romani boys into military service. Holy Roman Emperor Joseph I decreed that all Romani men were to be hanged and all women flogged and banished, with Charles VI amending that to include executing all adult females. In 1530, England made a law giving the Romani 16 days to leave the country or be hanged, and Romani children were taken from the parents to be used as forced labor. In Moravia and Bohemia, Romani women were “marked” by cutting off their ears. The French were known to shave their scalps and brand them. The Hapsburgs removed rights to horse and wagon ownership to stop the Romani from roaming, and prohibited marriage between Romani in an attempt to curb their population via forced integration. Holland had a different way of reducing the Romani population: the Heidenjachten, or “heathen hunt,” a legally sanctioned hunting of Romani people, with children being a prized target for drowning. Up into the 20th century, Norway had a law that permitted the state to remove Romani children from their parents, placing them in state institutions. In the Weimar Republic, the Romani were forbidden from entering public parks, swimming pools, and other recreational areas. Due to the intolerance of Western and Central Europe, many Romani caravans migrated East, where they found tolerance in Poland and Russia._

  
**_(Romani about to be deported from Germany, 1940)_ **

_When Hitler invaded Poland, the Nazis targeted the darker-skinned Romani for ethnic cleansing. Many were sent to concentration camps, where they were designated with a brown inverted triangle. More often, they were killed on sight, especially by the Einsatzgruppen (paramilitary death squads). In Bohemia, the Romani extermination was so thorough, the Bohemian Romani dialect is now an extinct language. It is estimated that 500,000 Romani, 50% of their entire population in Europe, were killed by the Nazis, and globally as many as 1.5 million Romani people died, including ones Nazis exterminated in Africa and Asia._

  
**(A Romani protest in Bucharest against violence)**

_Persecution against the Romani people continues to this day. Up until 1991, Czechoslovakia sterilized Romani women as part of a state policy to reduce their population. Germany, Norway, Sweden and Switzerland were also found to have a recent history of “coercive sterilization” of Romani. In 2002, a British Member of Parliament openly said of the Romani people, “They are scum, and […] do not deserve the same human rights as my decent constituents.” In 2007, European Union officials censured both the Czech Republic and Slovakia for segregating Romani children from regular schools. A recent poll showed that 82% of Italians have racist opinions about the Romani, which showed in a brutal way when Naples residents set multiple Romani camps on fire, an Italian court decreed “it is acceptable to discriminate against Roma on the grounds that they are thieves,” beach-goers watched dispassionately as two Romani children drowned at a popular beach, some saying that two fewer Romani meant less crime in the world, and in 2008, one act of violence by a Romani man made the Italian government declare that the Romani people are “a national security risk.” In France, between 2010-2012, authorities demolished over 50 Romani camps and began a process of forced repatriation for thousands of nomadic Romani, an act that the EU called “a disgrace.” In 2011, ethnic clashes broke out in Bulgaria against the Romani, with chants that they should be turned into glue or go back to India._

_The European Union once again condemned these acts of violence, but did little to actually help. A report issued by Amnesty International in 2011 claims that “systematic discrimination is taking place against up to 10 million Roma across Europe.” The EU has recognized that discrimination against Romani people must be addressed, but they have not really done much to stop countries from targeting the nomadic group, beyond creating a few committees and public censuring._


	17. Tinned Chocolates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the darkest moment of Eren's life, he decides to bring a little happiness into Levi's life, but are chocolates really a good gift for one man to give to another?

Eren came down to the dungeon with a lightness to his step and a secretive smile on his face. He had hoped to catch Levi alone, but there were two women who just got off a long and exhausting day of cleaning. Eren heard their words, but his French was not good enough to understand. He got a feeling that the women were consoling Levi, although he looked mildly annoyed by their fretting. As soon as Eren stepped into the room, Levi’s face perked up, and he pushed himself into a sitting position.

“How are you?” asked the young soldier.

Levi let out a tired sigh. “What do you expect me to say? I’m trying to convince myself yesterday was a nightmare. It doesn’t work when my ass hurts and I have to smell Moses’ pillow.”

“Oh! I … I could put you somewhere else.” Eren glanced around the castle dungeon, unsure if any of the cells were suitable.

“No,” grumbled Levi. “He at least kept his cell somewhat clean. Plus it’s better this way. It’s too easy to pretend something horrible simply didn’t happen, but that only makes things worse when the mask of lies falls down. So, what is it today? More radio chatter for me to translate?”

“Nothing yet. In fact, it’s mostly English now.”

“Are the Americans still in France?”

“Yes. They just took Marseille. Canadians took Dieppe.”

“Canada as well?” Levi asked in surprise.

To Eren’s frustration, every bit of news they got seemed to be nonstop Allied victories. He really did not want to talk about the war, especially since he knew Levi would rejoice at how many French cities were now in the hands of the Allies. It only reminded him that they were political enemies.

“I brought you medicine,” he said instead. Eren slipped Levi a bottle containing a few pills.

Levi took the bottle with a crease between his brows. “How in the world did you get these?”

The young lieutenant chuckled awkwardly. “I … I had Armin distract the doctor while I grabbed a handful of pills.”

“You _stole_ them?” Levi cried out.

Eren hushed him frantically. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not! Dammit, don’t do anything for my sake that could get you in trouble.”

Eren smiled at the scolding. “Why? Do you care about me?”

“If you get in trouble helping us, _we_ get the punishment.”

“Well, what’s done is done. Take one pill three times a day with your meals.”

“You do realize, we only get two meals.”

“O-Oh.”

Eren honestly did not know that. He saw that they got a midday meal on Sundays, but that was a splurge, and only because he had insisted upon feeding them after their bathing. In reality, it was the only day the Jews got lunch. The rest of the time, they were given a roll to eat as they headed off to their chores, and watery soup for dinner.

Levi sighed as he saw the saddened look on Eren’s face. Seriously, he was like a scolded puppy! “Don’t worry about it. Thank you for the medicine. What exactly is it for?”

“Pain.”

Levi let out a sputtering sigh. “Definitely need that.”

“Also, it isn’t much, but I got it as part of my rations, and I don’t really need it. I thought it might cheer you up a little.” He pulled out a small round tin with a red and white starburst, the Heeres eagle in the middle, and words written in Fraktur calligraphy.

“Scho-Ka-Kola?” Levi asked, reading the gothic lettering.

“Chocolate.” Eren opened the tin to show the round chocolate cut into wedges. “I first had some when I went to the Summer Olympics in Berlin. I had never tasted chocolate before then. I ate the whole thing and didn’t sleep all night,” he said with a laugh. “It has quite a kick. Normally there are sixteen pieces, but Connie ate some of mine, so only the bottom layer is left. Now Connie is so hyper, we had to send him to go run around the village to work off the energy.”

He gleefully handed the tin through the prison bars and over to Levi. The Jew stared down at the candy as if unsure what it even was.

“Have … have you ever had chocolate?” Eren asked uncertainly.

“Many years ago,” Levi muttered with a distant look in his eyes filled with bittersweet memories of happier times. He shook himself out of thoughts of the past and shot a glare at Eren. “Why would you bring me chocolate but not show such favor to the rest of us?”

Eren frowned as Levi scolded him rather than smiled at the gift. “I only really know you. I can’t exactly talk to the others. Besides, we’re friends.”

“Friends?” Levi exclaimed in shock. “Since when?”

Eren flinched with a sting to his heart, and he dropped his head. “Maybe never. I make a horrible friend, anyway. I’ve done bad things, I’ve ignored you, hurt you, stood by and said nothing…”

“You had to,” Levi muttered. “We both know that.”

“But it makes me feel bad. The only other time I felt this guilt was when two friends got hurt and I did nothing. So maybe how much my heart hurts now means I think of you as a friend. Back then, I couldn’t do anything, but this time I can at least say sorry and make up for it.” He laughed awkwardly as his toe twisted into the dusty dungeon floor. “Even if it’s just chocolate.”

A lady in another prison cell sighed. “ _Il est tellement timide. C’est trop mignon!_ ” He’s so shy. That’s too cute!

Levi shot her a caustic glare to be quiet. Then his eyes slowly drifted back to Eren, standing there, a blush coloring his cheeks, his toe twisting like some smitten whelp.

“You … consider me as your … friend?”

Eren finally met his eyes, and he smiled gently. “I do. I care for you.”

Levi sharply looked aside.

Friends! He had let the thought drift through his mind at times, but actually hearing Eren say he felt that close made Levi’s heart hammer in a hailstorm of chaos.

“Give … give a piece of chocolate to the other ladies. All of them, even the ones not here yet. They can eat it when they wake up. It’ll give them some energy to slave away for you German swine.”

“But then there will only be four pieces left for you.”

“That’s all I need. If there were sixteen pieces, I would distribute it to everyone, or give away my own so someone else has food.”

“But it’s a gift!”

“It would give me more joy to share it. Besides, what would I do with so much energy and trapped in my cell for a whole week? That much sweet candy would probably make my shit rock hard, and that’s the last thing I need.” He handed the tin back over. “Please. As a friend.”

Those words brought fiery heat to Eren’s face.

Levi grumbled, “And don’t ever look like that in front of others.”

Eren paused. “Look like what?”

Levi scowled and said nothing more. Idiot! Those blushing cheeks and boyish joy in his eyes really were dangerous. If anyone saw him looking like that, the truth would be perfectly clear.

Eren went to the other cells, giving the ladies a wedge of chocolate. Levi told them in French not to eat it, since they needed what precious little sleep they could get, but to save it until their next work shift. They both thanked Eren, and he saw their dark eyes light up with excitement from just sniffing the chocolate. One licked hers, unable to hold back. Eren left pieces in the other two cells he knew were used by women, hiding the candy so the guard who brought them back from their shift would not see a chocolate sitting out for them, like this was a fancy hotel and not a castle dungeon. That left only half the tin. He brought it back to Levi.

“I was hoping you could enjoy it over the week you have to rest here. After what you went through—”

“After that, I realized that I need to do more to help the others. I need to appreciate them more. Moses helped me out a lot, especially when I was attacked in the latrine. He got you, he made sure I was fed, and he emptied my toilet bucket. I never properly thanked him. Those chocolates are my thanks, at least to the ladies.”

“Then I will find another tin, and you can give one to all sixteen of them.”

This time, Eren saw a smile almost lift onto Levi’s face, but he struggled to keep it in check. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll steal Jean’s. A horse doesn’t need chocolate.”

This time, Levi could not hold back. A laugh punched out, only to be silenced with a struggle. Still, that sound was music to Eren’s ears. He finally got Levi to laugh!

Eren gazed at the half eaten chocolate. “Now I’m really mad at Connie for eating my rations. I’ll have to come up with a creative way to punish him. Is there anything else I can do? Not just for you alone, but all of you.”

“Better food would be nice.”

Eren thought it over. “I might be able to do something about that.”

“Don’t get into trouble, _takhshet_.”

“I won’t,” he said with a confident grin. “I might not make it back down for a while, but by your bathing day, I’ll try to have something. Enjoy the chocolate.” He waved a friendly goodbye. “ _Tschüss!_ ” He turned to the ladies and tipped his cap to them. “ _Bonsoir._ ” Then Eren turned and trotted back up the stairs.

Once he was gone, one of the ladies fanned herself and said, “ _Il est très beau, bien qu’il soit Allemand._ ” He is very handsome, although he is German.

The other woman chuckled and pointed over to Levi. “ _Il est déjà pris._ ” He’s already taken.

“ _Que pensez-vous de lui, Levi?_ ” What do you think about him, Levi?

He rolled his eyes and replied in a surly tone, “ _C’est un idiot, mais … il a un cœur d’or._ ” He is an idiot, but he has a heart of gold.

The two women chuckled at his reluctant admiration and kept talking between themselves.

“ _Si nos pays n’étaient pas en guerre, j’irais danser avec lui._ ” If our countries were not at war, I would go dancing with him.

“ _Je voudrais beaucoup plus que simplement une danse_.” I would want much more than simply a dance.

 _“Oui. Il est gentil, généreux, et très viril._ ” Yes. He’s kind, generous, and very manly.

 _“C’est tellement vrai! Ça ne me dérangerait pas qu’il tire son pistolet sur mon champ de bataille, si tu vois ce que je veux dire._ ” That's so true! I wouldn’t mind if he shot his pistol in my battlefield, if you know what I mean.

Levi scoffed at their gossip and cut in. “ _Allez donc vous coucher._ ” Go on to bed.

The lady in the cell next to him waved off the scolding. “ _Ne soyez pas jaloux. Je sais que c’est v ôtre ami spécial_.” Don’t be jealous. I know he’s your special friend.

The other woman chuckled. “ _Vôtre petit-ami!_ ” Your boyfriend!

Levi flinched and sharply snapped at them, “ _Dormez! Maintenant!_ ” Sleep! Now!

They muttered apologies and lay down, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. Levi sighed and rubbed out the pain that still ached in his back.

“ _Oy ve_ ,” he grumbled. He looked down at the wedges of chocolate and muttered to himself in English, “What fool gives a man chocolate?”

Levi picked up a tiny wedge, raising it like some relic of the past. He gazed at it, the deep color, the smoothness, and he sniffed deeply, savoring the sweet smell. Finally, he took a tiny bite, and the dark chocolate broke into his mouth, melting over his tongue with hints of coffee. Levi closed his eyes, holding back a sigh of bliss as he tried to recall the last time he had tasted anything so heavenly.

# # #

# #

#

_**Scho-ka-kola** was part of a [Wehrmacht soldier’s emergency rations](https://militariaplaza.nl/personal-kit-items-31/wehrmacht-scho-ka-kola-ration-tin-detail). It’s dark chocolate mixed with substitute coffee and packed full of vitamins. It was introduced at the [1936 Summer Olympics](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1936_Summer_Olympics) (as Eren mentioned) as a performance-enhancing energy sport chocolate (Sportschokolade). In World War II, Scho-Ka-Kola was colloquially known as the “Aviator Chocolate” (Fliegerschokolade) because it was give to Luftwaffe pilots and crew to keep them awake on night-bombing missions. It was also issued to the Heer (German Army), tank crews, U-boat crews, and used as emergency sea-survival rations. Some soldiers gave Scho-Ka-Kola to captured American troops as an act of respect for their bravery. [You can still buy it,](https://www.scho-ka-kola.de/homepage-english.html) although it is not common._


	18. A Loaf of Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a surprise for the Jews, but Krista has more to offer than some loaves of bread.

That Saturday, Eren brought only two people with him to take the Jews down to the river to bathe. As much as he wished he could say he trusted his entire platoon in all things, for this issue he really could only trust Armin and Jean.

“Hey,” Jean called out, pointing to the women undressing. “Two of them have bruises on their chests. What happened?”

Eren asked Levi in English, and then answered Jean. “They were assaulted by soldiers a few days ago.”

Armin gasped in horror. “Are you saying German soldiers _raped_ them?”

“You heard about Grützmacher, right? He was one of the attackers.”

Armin struggled with a deep revulsion. “But … but he was homosexual, a deviant.”

Eren shrugged. “He was a rapist. It didn’t matter what gender to him. Why is it easy to believe a man would rape another man, but you can’t believe a man would rape a woman?”

“Because … they’re women! It’s wrong.”

“Raping a man is just as wrong.”

Armin dropped his head. “Yes, but…”

Levi spoke some more, and Eren listened. “He says, you don’t have to worry too much for them. They’ve learned how to deal with the shame. All four of them have been raped multiple times.”

“What?” both Jean and Armin exclaimed.

“That’s unacceptable!” shouted Jean. “Who was it? Which soldiers?”

Eren raised an eyebrow. “Do you really think they asked for names? We probably all look alike in our uniforms.”

Jean marched up to the women, who drew back in fear at the sternness of his face. “If you recognize the attackers, come to me and point them out. You don’t have to say a word, just point out who did it. I can’t kill them like what Jäger did to Grützmacher, but I can make their lives a living nightmare until they wish for death.”

Eren told all that to Levi, who relayed it to the women. They relaxed and even smiled. The youngest woman, no more than sixteen, spoke directly to Jean in French, which Levi translated to Eren in English, who in turn told Jean in German.

“She says, you are like a prince out of a fairy tale, and you would be a handsome man if you didn’t have the face of a horse.”

Jean swirled on Eren. “She did _not_ say that!”

Eren burst into laughter.

“You bastard! I know the French word for horse, and she did not say anything about a horse. You’re such an idiot, Jäger.”

They laughed, and as the Jews bathed in the river, the three German soldiers watched them less closely than they probably should have.

Levi still guarded the four women, who bathed slightly upriver. He rolled his eyes as the German soldiers roughhoused each other.

So many openings! There were so many times he could have grabbed Armin’s gun and shot all three. By the time troops came to check on the gunshots, their group could be over the river. Eren had not brought his sharpshooter, so they actually stood a fair chance of making it into the forest before the Germans opened fire.

Then again, he was not sure if he could run fast enough with his injuries. He could always be bait, stay behind, attack the Germans while the others forged ahead. He could take all three soldiers’ guns, hole up somewhere, and probably last long enough to ensure the rest escaped. One life, to ensure the rest survived…

“Hey, Levi,” Eren said with a laughing grin. “Go, wash up. It’s not like you or the women have to worry about the three of us.”

He could shoot him.

“Oh hey, Jean asks if the medication he gave you worked.”

He could grab one of their guns, kill them all right now.

“Armin says, if you run out of those pills, he could get you some more.”

He just needed to grab one of their guns. He was quick. He could shoot all three before they had time to draw their weapons.

“Levi?” Eren asked with concern. “I’m sorry if you don’t feel like talking. They’re just worried about you.”

So easy, to kill them and flee.

Then he found the young woman standing before him, naked except for a rag she held in front of her. She was lightly touching his arm with a gentle smile.

“ _Tout va bien, Levi. Allez, au bain. Nous leur faisons confiance._ ” Everything’s okay, Levi. Go, bathe. We trust these men.

He nodded, glad for her concern about him. Then he looked back at the soldiers. “Tell him, the cream seems to be helping, but healing takes time. I don’t need stronger medication, just soft shit and rest.”

Then Levi flung off his clothes, showing all the bruises on his body, and waded out into the river. One of the other Jews handed him the bar of soap they shared between themselves. Levi began to clean, and he kept his back to the Germans.

It would be so easy. He could probably save all of them. How many more would die, or be raped, or brutally beaten? Why could he not do what he knew needed to be done?

Why could he not bring himself to kill these three Germans?

Memories of Eren’s voice rang in his ears. “ _Besides, we’re friends. I care for you._ ”

If he had not said those words a few days ago…

No, long before that. Levi knew he could have killed Eren and escaped many times over the past four months, but he simply could not do it. Whereas he would feel no remorse for slitting the throats of any other Nazi, he could not bring himself to harm this man, not even to save his own life.

Levi glanced back over his shoulder, and he saw Eren’s eyes focused on him, while Armin and Jean were talking. Their eyes lingered for what felt like an eternity, until Armin said something that forced Eren to look over. Levi spun back around, suddenly self-conscious that Eren had been staring at him as he bathed for all these months.

After they were done and dressed, the Jews returned to the village under armed escort. Plenty of German soldiers sneered as they were marched by. Rocks were thrown, but Eren quickened the pace. He could not shout in anger at those who wanted to attack the Jews. The captain’s message had been clear: Jews were only barely tolerated as a source of free labor, but they could be killed at any time.

The youngest woman suddenly tugged on Jean’s sleeve. He looked down at her as she cowered in fear and pointed into the sea of soldiers.

“Do you see him?” he asked, glaring around, wondering which one it was. “Who is he? Who did that to you?”

Eren asked Levi, who asked the girl, and the answer came back.

“She said, the one with a bruise on his jaw. She hit him there when he attacked her.”

Jean saw who she meant, and he committed the face to memory. “He’s going to wish his mother aborted him in an alleyway.”

Eren sighed and shook his head. “Don’t do anything to get yourself court-martialed.”

“No one will catch me, _Herr Leutnant_.” He patted the young woman’s arm with an amiable smile. “I’ll avenge you.”

Somehow, she understood what he meant, and she stayed a little closer to Jean as they went past the bruised soldier. The man gave the girl a wink and made a kiss at her, and Jean shot him a scathing glare.

They returned to the castle and began to walk to the side kitchen where the Jews normally ate their Saturday lunch. However, Eren said in English, “A change of location! Let’s eat below.”

Levi glared at him. “I am _not_ eating down there.”

“Not the dungeon. There’s an area next to it. Trust me,” he said with a mischievous smile.

Levi saw he had some plan. If it was an escape, he was all for it, but somehow he knew they were not _that_ lucky.

They got their bowls of soup and reluctantly followed Eren down a flight of stairs. Instead of going to the castle’s dungeon, they went along another corridor to what was once probably an armory in the days of knights and honorable warfare. A blond woman was waiting for them there.

“Krista,” Eren said, grinning with relief. “ _Sie haben das Zimmer gefunden. Ich bin froh._ ” You found the room. I’m glad.

She curtsied pleasantly to him. “ _Ich habe die Burg ein- oder zweimal besichtigt. Ich helfe gern._ ” I have toured the castle once or twice. I’m happy to help.

Jean grabbed Eren’s arm. “I’ve seen this girl around the village. She’s French. How is it that she speaks German?”

“That is a secret between only us,” Eren warned.

“We’ve been using this roundabout way of translating with a Jew when we could’ve—”

“When we could have shot them all months ago? Is that what you’re about to say? Would you like to shoot them right now, even the women you swore to avenge?”

Jean backed down.

“Yes, she speaks both French and German. I didn’t tell the captain, because if I did, she would be forced to translate during interrogations. Do you want a girl like her to witness torture? I can tell you from experience, the screams are quite horrific.”

Jean shook his head, but he did not say anything against him. His heart was in a battle. On one hand, translating was inefficient because it had to go through Levi to Eren in English. A direct French to German translation would be faster. On the other hand, he had just witnessed what Kitz Woermann would do to Jews, and he pitied the women who had suffered at the hands of the worst scum in the Wehrmacht. He did not want them to be tortured and killed.

Krista placed her soft hand on Jean’s arm and smiled sweetly up to him. “Please keep this a secret. For me.”

His cheeks flushed at her angelic face, and Jean looked aside stubbornly. “Of course I won’t tell anyone. I would never put a woman in danger.”

“Thank you, sir. You’re rather cute.”

Jean’s face went even brighter red, and Armin began to laugh at his reaction.

Eren turned to Krista. “Never speak German again so long as the army is in this village, not even to me.”

She nodded seriously. “It was my mistake. I was excited to help out.” Then she looked over to the Jews. “ _J’ai des pains. Prenez et mangez en tous._ ” I have loaves of bread. Take and eat, all of you.

She brought out a large basket draped with a cloth. Krista began to pass the loaves out to each of the Jews, who took the food with astonishment.

“ _Takhshet!_ ” Levi exclaimed, half-amazed, half-horrified.

Eren chuckled at his reaction. “You were the one who told me that I should show favor to all of your people.” He waved to the bread. “This is my way of helping. I can’t do it every day, but Krista has agreed to help out whenever she can. At least it’s more than a bowl of _Gemüsebrühe_. Also…” He brought out a tin of Scho-Ka-Kola and gave it a shake. “I was hoping to bring a full box, but Connie stole a few pieces again. At least this time I caught him before he ate half of it. There’s not enough for all sixteen of you, but I can hand out one for each of the men who didn’t get a chocolate last time.”

“Thank you,” Levi whispered. “I’m shocked you remembered.”

“Of course I’ll keep a promise to my friend.”

At that last word, Armin looked over sharply. He spoke only a little English, but enough to know the word _friend_.

Levi took the tin of chocolates and passed them out. As Jean watched, he saw that only the men were getting some.

“Hey!” he shouted. “Why are you skipping the ladies?”

Eren choked up. Shit! There was no way to excuse Levi’s actions without confessing what he had done. “To be honest, I gave the ladies chocolates a few days ago.”

Armin gawked. “You gave the Jewish women chocolate?”

Jean grumbled, “I knew it! You’ve been seducing them since the beginning.”

“No!” Eren said with a sharp glare. “I just happened to have a few pieces on me, so I shared it. Levi said I should bring some for them all, but Connie ate my Scho-Ka-Kola again, so there’s not enough for everyone. Since the ladies already had a piece—”

“Nonsense! Ladies always deserve more chocolate.” Jean reached into a pouch on his belt and pulled out a tin.

“You have some on you?” Armin asked in surprise.

“Yeah, because every time I leave my Scho-Ka-Kola out, Connie steals a few pieces. If you want to share chocolates with these people, keep the tin on you at all times.” He handed out pieces to the ladies, winking at the one who had grabbed his sleeve and sneakily slipping her a second piece of chocolate. Then he walked over to Krista and offered her some. “ _Für Sie, Fräulein. Sie sind ein Engel, den der Himmel geschickt hat._ ” For you, miss. You are an angel that heaven sent.

Krista giggled and accepted a piece of chocolate. “ _Merci, mon ami._ ” Thank you, my friend.

Jean turned with a smug smile and strutted back over to the other two soldiers. “You hear that? I’m her _mon ami_.”

Eren rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Armin looked down in regret. “I wish I could give them something.”

Eren wrapped an arm around Armin’s shoulders. “You’re a good man. You have nothing to atone for. Jean is the one who’s an asshole.”

“Hey!” Jean shouted, popping a leftover chocolate into his mouth. “I just want the ladies to have chocolate.”

Eren teased, “You want to get into their panties.”

“If they’re willing.”

While the German soldiers joshed around, Krista slipped over Levi and motioned him to follow her. They drifted away from the others, to the far end of the armory. There, Krista whispered whilst keeping an eye on the Germans.

“ _Sasha m’a envoyé ici._ ” Sasha sent me here.

Levi also lowered his voice. “Braus?”

She nodded. “I am known as Historia. Did you get our message?”

“I got nothing.”

“Damn, he must have been caught,” she muttered. “I’m part of Operation Bagel, liberating French Jews held in Nazi servitude.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a horrible name. Who came up with that?”

“Sasha did. Her operation names tend to be after breads. It’s become a joke in the Resistance.”

“So does this mean the Resistance is finally planning to free us? About damn time!”

“I apologize for it taking this long. We had planned to get you out one at a time earlier this summer, but after we helped Isabel to escape, we saw how brutally you were punished. Nazis are known for their _collective punishment_ , and we feared that if the Jews escaped under mysterious circumstances, the Germans might retaliate by slaughtering the whole village. Plus, we needed you here as a translator. Other villages throughout France have suffered greatly due to a lack of communication between Germans and French. If it were not for you translating, likely the whole village would have been burned months ago.”

“So I’m stuck.” Levi rolled his eyes. “The Ten Plagues weren’t good enough, so God cursed me with something far worse: being useful.”

“There is a way.” She dropped her voice more. “We’re planning an exchange. I speak German, I can translate for them…”

“Wait, you’re planning on working with the Germans?”

“The problem with using you as a translator is you don’t know what these Germans are actually telling you. You have to rely on one sympathetic German who happens to speak English. He, in turn, filters all the chatter down to something he can tell you. In other words, you can’t spy on them.”

“I know what being a spy involves, little girl,” Levi said darkly. “Trust me, it’s not a life you want.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Maybe not what I wanted, but it’s the life I was forced into four years ago when German tanks rolled into my town and killed my family. I realized my knowledge of the German language could get me close to the soldiers, gather information, and plant sweet little ideas into their heads. I’d be able to get even closer simply by taking over your job. Once I’m on the inside, I can soothe over Captain Woermann’s aggression, even if I have to seduce him. At the very least, I can warn the people if he plans to do anything drastic. I’ll also know how much information the Germans have, and we can begin feeding them false reports. The important thing is that we need to get _you_ out.”

“Me? _Just_ me?” he realized. “Not all of us?”

“You’re the main target for extraction. The others can come later. We need you, captain.”

Levi shook his head. “Don’t call me that. I’m not a soldier anymore.”

“We’re all soldiers in this war, all Allies. You have experience, talent…”

“Go find another captain,” he snapped.

“We need _your_ skills. You have friends in the British Secret Intelligence Service…”

“I have no British _friends_. I have people I conveniently did not kill.”

“People who admire you, and when they heard you were slaving away under Nazi tyranny, they ordered us to extract you. I’ve been here since early June, the soldiers know my face now, and to them I’m just a sweet, innocent village girl. I came originally to assist in extracting one of our messengers, Annie Leonhart, but the same day I arrived, we learned she had been killed. Sasha came up with another plan. If we could not get our operative, we could get a former captain who once worked with the Deuxième Bureau.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed and his lip instinctively curled. His voice dropped even softer as he snarled, “How the hell do you know that?”

“I told you, you have friends in the British SIS. Sasha said she met with you.”

“Yes, briefly,” Levi said, recalling the tall brunette who shared her bread with him.

“When you told her your name, she recognized it. Apparently, you worked with her father, a cipher in the Deuxième Bureau, and he spoke quite highly of a small Jewish agent with deadly skill.”

“Who are you calling small?” he grumbled.

“It’s a shame you were needed as a translator, otherwise we would have extracted you as soon as possible. When Annie … didn’t make it … Sasha got started on a plan. I was here anyway, I speak German, so I would spend a little time in the village until people got used to seeing me. Then at the right time, I would let slip that I speak German. The same day I offered my services as a translator, you would escape. The timing had to be perfect. Too early, and you could be shot; too late, and Captain Woermann might massacre the entire village, with me in it. It also relied on our friendly lieutenant not telling others about me, since the day I arrived in the village, I accidentally spoke German in front of him. I’m fortunate he’s a sympathetic gentleman who thought he was protecting a sweet little girl.”

“Your plan is too risky,” Levi warned.

“Worth the risk to get you out, _capitaine_. After what happened to you a few days ago, we pushed up our schedule. We almost decided to put the plan into action today down by the river, but it was not safe, and the lieutenant … we would have had to have killed him, but there are many people higher up in the chain of command who want to use Lieutenant Jäger.”

“Use him?” Levi said in alarm.

“We think he can be turned.”

Levi felt a chill. Turned! The Allies wanted to use Eren as a spy. “Leave him out of this.

“British Intelligence is particularly interested in him.”

“The SIS can go to hell.”

“His loyalties are conflicted—”

“His loyalty is to Germany; it’s his emotions that are conflicted.”

“Only around you…” She paused as it dawned on her. “I see. We could use that against him.”

Levi turned sharply to Krista and growled as quietly as possible. “Do, and I will slit the throats of every single one of you.”

She backed off a step at his cold rage. “I see. Maybe it’s not the German lieutenant whose emotions are conflicted, but yours. Where are your loyalties, _capitaine_?”

“With my people. Get all of us out, and I will consider joining you. Try to rescue only me and let the rest be killed … I’ve disobeyed orders before. My cooperation depends on the survival of us all.” He glanced over to Eren. “Him too. That means, don’t you fucking touch him! Make sure everyone involved in this _Operation Bagel_ knows that. As for the SIS, they can go fuck themselves.”

“I’ll pass your message along, as well as your stipulations for compliance. We’ll be in touch…”

“ _Allez! Foutez le camp d’ici._ ” Go! Get the hell out of here.

Krista sighed in frustration at his stubbornness. “ _Franchement, vous faites une erreur, capitaine._ ” Frankly, you’re making a mistake, captain.

Then her face instantly became bright and playful once again. Krista picked up her empty basket and flounced over to Eren, Jean, and Armin. Levi watched her, keeping a stern eye on the girl.

With her emptied basket in her hands, Krista grinned at the Germans. “ _Est-ce tout pour aujourd’hui?_ ”

Eren gave her a proud nod, showing she was right to follow his orders about speaking French even now. “Levi, translate please.”

He shook his head. What a convincing actress she was! If she really did have four years of experience as a spy, then it was to be expected. Few spies survived that long unless they were talented.

“She asks, is that all for today?”

Eren bowed chivalrously. “ _Ja. Vielen Dank._ ” Yes. Many thanks.

“ _De rien!_ ” You’re welcome!

Krista trotted off, humming happily to herself. Jean followed her with his eyes, and he could not help but glance at where her skirt swished over her calves. Eren smacked the back of Jean’s head to force him to stop ogling.

Jean scowled and rubbed out the hit. “ _Das tat weh!_ ” That hurt! “Where did you find a cutey like her?”

Eren shrugged. “She’s just some local girl.”

“I can’t believe you knew she spoke German and hid that from everyone.”

“Would you like the captain to treat her the way he treats his soldiers?”

“No! No, he … he’s crazy,” Jean muttered. “Still, a normal officer wouldn’t care so long as the army functioned at peak efficiency.”

“When have I ever been normal?” Eren asked with a smirk.

Jean had to laugh. “Never since I’ve known you, sir. Well, we can go now, right? That bread smells really good. Maybe I can catch up to that pretty lady, ask her where she bought her bread, and watch her pretend like she doesn’t know what I’m saying.”

He left, and eventually Armin excused himself to get started with some tasks. Eren stayed down there, smoking a cigarette as he watched the Jews eat their bread, soup, and chocolate.

It was such a small gesture on his part. He happened to see Krista the day before and asked if she could bring bread to the Jews in secret. She looked far too willing to help him. He paid for it, and he set up a way for her to slip inside the castle while they were out. Now he watched the small group looking cheerful.

All because of a loaf of bread.

His gaze rested on Levi, tearing off piece by piece of bread, sniffing each morsel before dipping it into his soup and taking a bite, as if certain there must be a trick to this, a poison hidden inside, or laced with drugs. So distrusting! Then again, it had kept him alive.

Eren swung his bag around, pulled out the Tanakh, placed it on a table, and backed off again, not wanting to interfere in their special day. The Sabbath! It was obviously not how they used to spend this holy day of rest. In a few minutes, they would go off to slave away with the lowliest of chores, but for now they could take solace in their religion.

Levi read while the others continued to eat bread, soup, and nibble their chocolate. Eren listened, not understanding a word of it, but simply listening to Levi’s voice soothed his heart. For a few minutes, he felt blessed to witness this moment of Jewish faith.

Then the bread was gone, the bowls were empty, melted chocolate was licked off fingers, and the Jews went off to face reality again. Levi handed the Tanakh back to Eren, who stuffed it back away in his bag.

“Am I still restricted from leaving?” asked Levi.

“You should take the time to rest and heal.”

“I don’t like sitting around with nothing to do.”

“Then we can talk. Let me apply more medication.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at the young soldier. “You’re not touching my ass.”

“N-No!” he yelped. Eren scrambled through his bag and pulled out a jar of arnica cream. “I mean the bruises. I saw down by the river, the ones on your back have gotten really nasty.”

Levi stared at him, but gradually looked aside. “Do what you want.”

Eren unscrewed the arnica jar. “Remove your shirt. We can do it here. At least it doesn’t smell.”

While Eren shut the door to the armory, Levi unbuttoned his shirt, tugged it off, and faced away. Exposing his back to an enemy! So many instincts drilled into him over the years said this was foolish. Never turn your back to an enemy! Yet Eren was more than some Nazi.

They were friends.

That one thought, that realization that he could trust someone, made Levi’s throat tighten up.

Eren gazed at the scarred back and felt sick to his stomach. So many of the freshest scars were caused by him. With the jar of arnica cream in one hand, he scooped some out and started on the largest bruise. Levi flinched at the first touch, but he held still. Eren’s fingers were tender, barely touching the swollen, inflamed skin. Still, to Levi, they felt like cold tickles as he rubbed the medicine over sore spots.

“You know,” Eren said with a quiet chuckle, “I was very tempted to let you go today, down by the river.”

Levi glanced around his shoulder. “What?”

“It crossed my mind a few times. I could have knocked out Jean and Armin, then shot myself in the leg, made it look like you attacked us, and let you run off. I was … _very_ tempted.”

To think, Eren could have worked with the Resistance, and likely between them, they could have come up with a way to help the Jews escape without anyone dying! Not that Levi would ever let Eren knowingly work with the Resistance, not after what Krista said about people wanting to turn Eren into a spy. It was far too dangerous.

“Why didn’t you?” he asked cautiously.

“I don’t like the idea of hurting my friends … nor of shooting myself,” he added with an awkward laugh. “I also wasn’t sure if you all could have made it. Especially you.” His fingers gingerly rubbed arnica cream over Levi’s swollen, purple skin. “With your injuries, you probably can’t run as fast as the others. I especially want _you_ to make it to freedom.”

Levi thought about turning around, but he decided to continue watching the wall. “Why me?” he asked in hesitant confusion.

Eren smiled to himself and shrugged. “We’re friends, right? I want you to live. I hate seeing you get hurt.” His finger outlined one large, purple, swollen lump on Levi’s lower back. “My mother used to tell me, it’s unforgivable to hurt a friend. It’s why I couldn’t knock out Armin and Jean. It’s why I have to shut down everything in my head just to punish you, and why it tears me apart now, knowing I did that.”

His hand slid up Levi’s back, over whip scars, knife stabs, old bullet holes, and other evidence of his harsh life up to this moment.

“I hate myself for knowing that some of these scars and bruises were caused by me.”

Eren’s fingers lingered, feeling the warmth of the skin. Levi barely moved, controlling his breathing as his heart beat faster. Then Eren’s hand drifted up higher, tracing along the side of Levi’s neck and giving him chills.

“So many injuries,” Eren whispered in a mix of awe and sympathy. “I’ve hurt you. I feel like I need to make up for that.”

Levi’s mouth dropped as Eren’s hand stroked along his neck and down his shoulders, feeling the muscles. He almost wanted to moan at the gentle touch. Then Eren’s hand tightened, just a little possessively, as if ready to pull Levi into an embrace.

Suddenly, something flashed through Levi’s mind.

Dark memories. Screaming for help that would never come. Hands grabbing him from behind. His wrists bound, bruised, struggling futilely. Disgusting touches to his neck. Possessive fingers digging into his flesh, pulling on him, pinning him down. A sickening realization that he was truly and utterly helpless.

Acid shot up into his mouth, and Levi yanked away. “ _Ne me touche pas, espèces de sales boches!_ ” Don’t touch me, filthy Kraut animals!

Eren’s hand instantly drew back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Levi jolted at hearing the voice. He looked around, only to see teal eyes gazing sadly at him. Eren! Levi nearly sank as he realized it had only been a memory, one still on the edge of his mind, still making him want to hug himself and scream. But this was Eren. He was safe. Everything was okay.

“No, it’s … it’s fine,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Maybe I should go back.”

“Right, of course.”

Eren put away the medicine while Levi pulled his shirt back on. The memory was still there, cycling in his brain, refusing to go away. Grützmacher had touched his shoulders after handcuffing him to the prison bars, caressing his bruises, almost seeming gentle, saying things in German that Levi could only guess were perverted compliments, before punching Levi in one of the bruises, making him scream in pain. And then…

No. He still could not bring himself to remember the worst parts.

Eren’s words were so different. Rather than harsh and sadistic, his voice was soft, wistful, and longing. As Levi buttoned his shirt, he took a quick glance behind him to those flushed and smiling cheeks.

Idiot! He looked far too happy.

“So, did you find out if your teammates burned or buried Moses’ body?”

The joyful expression crumbled, and Eren immediately sobered up. Good. A smile like that one was dangerous.

“They buried him out in the field. They warned, it was a shallow grave, but at least he was buried.”

“A shallow grave is better than none. Did they loot the body?”

“Of course not!”

“Moses had at least one gold tooth. You could probably get enough money to buy—”

“Levi!” he snapped. “My men are not like that.”

“It’s fairly common with dead Jews. I once saw Nazis pry the gold teeth out of a woman’s mouth while she was still alive. _Then_ they shot her.”

Eren looked angry at the assumption that his men would disrespect a corpse, but Levi was practical. It happened. It was common.

“If they looted anything off him, I’d like it back. If they left his corpse alone, then they have twice my thanks. Just warn that horse-faced one not to flirt with that French girl.”

“Why? Is she married? Even that has never stopped Jean before.”

Levi knew he could not say much without blowing Krista’s cover. “Being bilingual puts her in a precarious position. If he were to brag about some sweet little nothing she said to him, other soldiers would wonder how he could know what his French mistress was saying, and her secret would be revealed.”

“That’s true,” Eren realized. “I’ll warn him, but frankly, Jean tends to charm ladies. God knows why!”

“People have fallen for odder things than a long-faced man.”

Eren hummed in agreement as his eyes gazed over Levi’s body. Then he jolted and turned away. “Well, shall we?”

They walked back to the dungeon, and Eren put a hand to his nose. How could any of them still be alive, sleeping amidst such foul fumes?

“I wonder if I could ask Krista to find a maid to come and clean this place. Then again, you’d need a whole battalion of maids to get rid of the stench alone.”

Levi ignored the smell he was now used to and returned to his cell. “Keep to practical requests, _takhshet_.”

“Then how about I request to come back down here in a few days and apply some more medicine.”

“I don’t think you need Krista’s permission to do that.”

“No, but I do need yours.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “No, you don’t. Besides, if I tell you no, would you disobey orders?”

“I would request an explanation for why my battle plan was not open for discussion.”

“Perhaps the territory you wish to explore is too dangerous.”

“I know the risks.”

“Do you really?” Levi challenged, but he saw determination in Eren’s eyes. He turned aside and sighed, unsure if Eren was just naïve, or brave. “If you want to return here, I can’t stop you.”

“I wouldn’t want to force you to keep me company. That’s being a bad friend.”

Levi grumbled, “I … don’t mind.”

Eren’s face lit up instantly.

“Stop looking like that!”

“Like what?”

“Like a child who was just told he can have a candy.”

“What you offer is sweeter than candy.”

“I offer nothing, because I have nothing to give.”

“You offer me company, friendship, because you’re a good man with a lot yet to give to the world.”

Levi was touched by those words, but he turned aside stubbornly, which made Eren chuckle. For a moment, he caught the pinkness of blushing on Levi’s cheeks. How adorable! Then Levi slumped down onto his cot. As soon as his buttocks hit the bed, he flinched and hissed in pain.

Eren took a swift step into the cell, ready to help if he was still injured, but he held back, realizing _why_ that area hurt enough for Levi to make such an agonized face. He felt instantly miserable. Here he was, trying to be playful, and Levi was still suffering both physically and emotionally.

Eren reached into his pack and pulled the Jewish holy book back out. He set the Tanakh down beside Levi. The Jew looked at the book, then up into Eren’s face in confusion.

“I have the only key to this cell, so no one can check for the book. Make sure it stays hidden.”

“You’re giving it to me?” Levi said in astonishment.

Eren shrugged stiffly with a doleful smile. “Perhaps it will give you some solace, after everything that happened.”

Levi picked up the worn Hebrew book and reverently caressed the binding. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Eren stepped closer and put his hand on Levi’s head. Levi began to lean into the comforting touch, but a second later he realized just who it belonged to. A Nazi! However, as he glared up at Eren, wondering if he was just trying to be condescending, treating him like a pet, he saw a gentle, longing gaze in those teal eyes. Eren stroked through Levi’s black hair, letting the strands slip through his fingers.

“Your hair is so soft after you bathe,” he whispered in awe.

His hand stroked again, from Levi’s brow back across his scalp. A couple of his fingers slid down to caress the rim of Levi’s ear. He heard a soft gasp from Levi, and Eren yanked his hand away in terror. He quickly laughed it off and turned away.

“Sorry. I forgot it was you for a moment there.”

Levi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Who did you think I was?”

“A … A dog?” Eren said, sounding overly flippant. He left the cell without turning around. “Maybe not tomorrow, since it’s Sunday, but I’ll be back in a few days.” He locked the door and left the dungeon without looking back.

Levi kept glaring long after Eren turned the corner to go up the stairs. Then he reached up, touching the same place Eren had caressed. He cursed quietly, opened the Tanakh, and began to read the first lines he saw.

“ _Yishokeini minneshikos pihu, ki- tovim dodeicho miyoyin_.” Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine.

Levi stopped immediately and slammed the Tanakh closed.

“Lord, why, out of all the versus, would you have me open to _that_ one?”

He shook his head, but he opened the Tanakh slower, this time to the first page, where names had been written in, owners of the book. First, his mother’s signature, faded but still legible: Kuchel Ackerman. Then his own name under that, written in later after his mother had died. Under his, in a flawless script: Petra Ackerman.

He remembered the day he realized Petra had written her name in the book. He had gotten mad at her, at first angry that she thought so frivolously of what ownership of the Tanakh meant to him, and when he realized Petra knew full well what it meant to write her name there, he kept insisting that his religion was not one she had to follow. Hell, he _barely_ followed it!

Still, she had insisted that they were married, and thus what was his was hers, and that included his religion and culture.

Even as it became obvious that Jews were in danger, even after France agreed to an armistice that included handing over all French Jews to the Nazis, even after they were forced to flee their village and live on the run, she had stayed by him, determined to share his fate.

Except, she died, and he was still alive. The only thing left of both her and his mother was this book with their signatures.

“For a moment, his hand felt like yours,” he muttered, touching Petra’s name. “I bet you put God up to this.”

He closed the book and tucked it away under his pillow. Still, the warmth seemed to linger on all the places Eren had touched, and it left Levi feeling lonelier than he had in many years.

# # #

# #

#

_Levi reads the beginning of[Shir HaShirim](https://biblehub.com/p/niv/heb/songs/1.shtml) (“Song of Songs” or “Songs of Solomon” in English). What he actually sees is this:_

יִשָּׁקֵ֙נִי֙ מִנְּשִׁיק֣וֹת פִּ֔יהוּ כִּֽי־טוֹבִ֥ים דֹּדֶ֖יךָ מִיָּֽיִן׃

_In English: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine.” Don’t trust my transliteration. Although my husband is Jewish, he admits he does not read Hebrew well, so I used[an online transliteration program](http://www.alittlehebrew.com/transliterate/)._

_The **Secret Intelligence Service** ( **SIS** ), commonly known as MI6, is the foreign intelligence service of the United Kingdom. In World War II, they ran photographic reconnaissance missions with the Royal Air Force, fed misinformation to the Germans, and sent spies into German-controlled countries. In pop culture, the SIS has been glamorized in the character of James Bond, that dashing spy with a taste for martinis and exotic women._

_The **Deuxième Bureau** (dew-zem bew-roh, or “Second Bureau”) was France’s external military intelligence agency, in charge of counter-espionage, surveillance, cryptography, propaganda, and intelligence. Before World War II broke out, the Deuxième Bureau sent an agent codenamed “Rex” to meet with a German cipher to obtain the secrets to the [Enigma machine](https://kids.kiddle.co/Enigma_\(machine\)), used by the Nazis to encode top secret messages. The French could not fully determine how the machine operated; that would be solved by a Polish mathematician. The Deuxième Bureau was dissolved in 1940 when France signed the armistice with Germany. Agents who escaped took their notes and relocated to the Free France Forces headquarters in England. Both they and the Poles shared their information on the Enigma machine with the SIS. Deciphering the Enigma machine is considered to be “[the single most important victory by the Allied powers during WWII.](https://brilliant.org/wiki/enigma-machine/)” Much like “MI6,” the name “Deuxième Bureau” continued to be used after the war as a term for all of France’s intelligence service._

_**Fun literature fact** : In the James Bond novels, René Mathis is a spy with the Deuxième Bureau, who works with Bond on many capers. The movies changed him to another British SIS agent. How dull!_

_As for how Levi is connected to the SIS and Deuxième Bureau, that remains to be seen._


	19. The Darkest of All Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares of the past plague Levi until Eren comes to light up his life, yet the young lieutenant reveals some secrets that could damn him.

Levi refused to admit that he was lonely, yet being stuck in the dungeon was wearing on him. The soldier who came in the morning to release the Jews blew out the one lantern that lit the room, plunging Levi into a full day of pure darkness. Although he had the Tanakh, he could not read it.

That left him to look into the darkness, staring into the abyss, and being forced to see whatever monsters stared back.

Those monsters were either dressed in Nazi uniforms, or had his own face, only different, wild-eyed, covered in blood, with a cold, merciless sneer.

That was the monster he hated most.

The darkness played tricks on him. He often heard voices shouting back and forth, words in many languages, screams from the past. So many screams.

“ _Ne me tue pas._ ”

“ _Please don’t kill me._ ”

“ _Błagam, tylko mnie nie zabijaj._ ”

“ _Bitte töte mich nicht, bitte, bitte._ ”

“ _Meneer, spaar alstublieft mijn leven._ ”

“ _No me mates, tengo una esposa e hijos._ ”

“ _Epargnez ma vie, et je vendrai la mèche._ ”

“ _Per favore, non ucidermi._ ”

“ _Molim te, nemoj me ubiti._ ”

“ _Stoppe! Ikke drep meg._ ”

“ _Prosím, nezabíjej mě._ ”

“ _Te rog, nu mă ucide._ ”

“ _Musa ukungibulala._ ”

“ _Ne ubivay menya._ ”

“ _Nemoj me ubiti._ ”

“ _Älä tapa minua._ ”

“ _Dræb mig ikke._ ”

“ _Ne ölj meg._ ”

“ _Usiniue._ ”

He tried to escape the shouts, but how does one escape the abyss?

“ _Bugger! Why’d you let her go? Orders are orders. I don’t like it either, this whole mission is a bag of shite, but that’s what it means to be an agent. Now, if you won’t shoot the lass, I will. Hey! What the bloody hell are you doing? Stop, you half-dick frog. Our orders … oh God, no! Stop! Don’t kill me!_ ”

Amidst the waking nightmares, another face came to mind. Teal eyes, brown hair, a boyish smile that at times looked innocent, and other times felt like this young man had lived through enough grief for three lifetimes. As days trapped in darkness passed, Levi could almost hear Eren’s voice. His laugh rang out so clearly at times, only for Levi to realize there was no one there. Eren’s phantom was a comfort to him, an escape from the darker memories. He even felt touches, a hand petting his head, a touch to his shoulder, ghostly fingers rubbing up his back, only to realize no one was there.

The only escape from the pitch darkness was when his companions returned. He saw light when the soldier brought them in, did roll call to make sure they had all returned, locked them away, and then the light was blown out again. A few minutes by which to see, and then it was back into the abyss once more.

Six days after the humiliating display and attack, a light came down in the middle of the morning. Levi thought he was seeing things again when Eren stepped inside.

“It’s so dark in here.”

He had a lantern with him, and it lit up the pale face of Levi, who looked confused and trapped by disbelief.

“Have you been in the dark this whole time?” Eren cried out.

Levi had barely even spoken during his days in solitude. Now, his lips felt weird to move.

“Er- … Eren?”

Those teal eyes that had been a comfort in the abyss now looked sad. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize … I would have come sooner if I had known you were stuck in the dark. Have you even eaten?”

Levi was still trapped. Was this another hallucination?

“Levi?”

No, that voice was too real. “Is it you?” None of the voices of his past replied when he had tried to talk to them, so he figured this was a good test.

“Yes, it’s me.”

That was proof! Levi’s lips began to tremble. He was really here!

Eren used his key to open the cell door, walked in, and sat on the bed beside Levi. “I’m so sorry. I’ll try to find a light for you. _Verdammt!_ You couldn’t have even read your book in this darkness.”

Levi barely knew what he was doing. Blame it on being driven half-mad by the solitude, but he wrapped his arms around Eren, grabbing hold of him, leaning into the warmth, desperate for any sort of human connection.

Eren pouted. This was not like Levi at all. He wrapped his arms around him, comforting him as he felt his body trembling.

“It’s okay. You’re not alone anymore.”

Levi stared ahead, now seeing the walls and the bars. It was like waking up from a nightmare only to realize reality was an even deeper level of hell.

“You were there,” he muttered. “In the darkness.”

Eren was unsure what he meant, but he continued to hold Levi. “What was I doing?”

In a churlish grumble, Levi said, “Being an idiot.” Eren chuckled, and the sound felt so foreign, yet so nostalgic. Hesitantly, he added, “Keeping … my hopes … up.”

“That’s good,” Eren said, rubbing his cheek against Levi’s head. It had been a few days since he bathed, but Eren did not care if the hair was a little oily.

“You … you were…”

Levi began to say “touching me,” but the words choked back. He realized Eren was holding him, caressing his back, rubbing his shoulders, petting his head, just like in his memories. He was completely wrapped up in those strong arms, being nuzzled and cuddled. Although the open show of affection shocked him, Levi wanted to stay there just a little longer.

“I’m glad they were good thoughts of me.”

Eren’s words sounded so solemn. Levi realized the young soldier probably had nightmares of his past as well, and some of those would be the things he had been forced to do in this village.

“What haunts you in the dark?” whispered Levi.

Eren glanced down, but Levi continued to hold him and stare ahead, as if those nightmares still pursued him. “Many things. Soldiers I’ve killed. Friends I betrayed. People I’ve been forced to hurt. Being helpless to save my mother.”

“Do they shout at you?” Levi asked, fearing that one of those voices from the past would scream at him now.

“No. They stare. Silently. My mother shouted as they dragged her away, but what I remember most is the look in her eyes. She feared her Jewish blood had doomed me. She didn’t get to live to see that I would be protected. She died thinking I was next, and that grief and regret was in her eyes as they shot her. That’s what I remember. Her eyes.”

Levi muttered, “I try not to look in their eyes, but I remember their screams. Even when I don’t know the language, I remember the sound of the words. I think that’s why I began to slit their throats, so they couldn’t speak.”

Eren rested his cheek on Levi’s hair and clung tightly to him, as if he could shield him from those phantom voices. “This will haunt us forever, won’t it?”

“Probably,” Levi admitted dismally. “I wish you had never gone through that. Someone your age doesn’t deserve this curse.”

Eren squeezed Levi in comfort. “I chose to be a soldier. I wanted to be stronger so I could protect others, but in the end, I just keep hurting those I care for.”

 _Those he cares for?_ Levi turned his head up, and he realized just how close Eren’s face was. His eyes were so gentle and sad, it made Levi want to make him happy somehow. Then Levi felt a hand in his hair again, urging his head to turn up a little higher. Eren’s eyes rested on his lips, and the hand on Levi’s head seemed to draw him in closer.

Levi gasped and pulled away. For a moment, he thought Eren was about to kiss him. The thought left his heart racing and his brain in turmoil.

No! He had to be wrong! Eren was a Nazi. Nazis killed men like that. There was no way!

Which meant, was it just his imagination? Did he _want_ something like that? He heard Eren clear his throat, but Levi could not turn around to face him.

If he had, he would have seen Eren with a bright red face and biting his lip to hold back what he had almost done. Stupid! This was definitely _not_ something he could do. Levi was traumatized. After everything that happened to him, something like _that_ was out of the question.

“I … I can get you out for some fresh air.”

Levi nodded, still in shock, trying to figure out why he had imagined such a thing. Eren walked out of the cell, and Levi slowly followed, still unable to look Eren in the eyes, refusing to stand near him. He no longer trusted himself.

Eren warned, “You’re not supposed to be out yet, so we can’t go far.”

He brought Levi down the subterranean hallway to the armory. Slowly, Eren opened the door, checked the floor, and sighed in relief.

“It seems no one uses this room after all.” He pointed to some powder on the ground. “I put a little flour down shortly after we were here on Saturday to see if anyone actually comes in here. No tracks, so no one enters.”

“That’s surprisingly smart of you,” Levi said, honestly impressed but not wanting to admit it too much.

“It means this room is safe for us, if we’re quiet.” He brought the lamp inside and closed the door.

With the sounds of outside shut away, Levi felt a slight leap in his chest. It was just him and Eren, away from prying eyes, in a room where they could do or say anything and not get into trouble.

“I brought food for you,” Eren announced. He sat on a bench and laid out an apple, a handful of jerky pieces, and a few smashed rolls he had stuffed into his pockets. He also set down a canteen of water. “Come eat,” he urged.

It took Levi a moment to move. He sat opposite of the food on the bench, feeling that it was a safe distance. Eren did not seem to notice that he was purposely keeping space between them.

Levi hungrily dug into a roll. The guard had not brought him breakfast that morning, and he was dizzy with hunger. Next he grabbed the apple, taking ravenous bites. Sweet juice dripped down his chin, and he felt like his stomach was celebrating at what was practically a feast compared to his normal two meals a day. He saw the meat, and he tore into it. When was the last time he had beef? Although it was dried jerky, the savory flavor tingled his tongue. Then it was back to the roll, and a gulp of cool, clean water from the canteen to wash it down. He did not even care that he was eating like a starved man. He was one!

A hand suddenly touched his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Levi let out a cry and leaped back. The shout made him choke on his food and sent him into a coughing fit.

“Sorry,” Eren said, looking pained with guilt.

Levi cleared out his throat and relaxed. That touch had startled him, especially with all the thoughts that had been running through his head. _Dammit!_ He needed to calm down. Eren was a Nazi. There was no way…

Except he had been suspicious about precisely that issue for months.

“I … I was just going to suggest…” Instead of struggling with words, Eren brought out the jar of arnica. Levi looked at it, then glared at Eren, who shrugged sheepishly. “I figured, this room is safe.”

Levi grumbled under his breath, “You just want to touch me again.”

A reticent smile graced Eren’s lips. “Would you hate it if I did?”

Such boldness shocked Levi, and it took him a moment to whisper, “No.”

He heard a soft sigh of relief. “Remove your shirt. You can eat while I rub this on.”

“Don’t do anything weird,” warned Levi.

Eren looked confused. “What do you mean, weird?”

Levi refused to answer. He was still on edge, unsure about Eren’s intentions. As he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, he was hyper-aware of where Eren was in the room, moving around the bench to sit behind him, setting the jar down, and rubbing his hands together to warm them up. Then he got right to work applying cream onto the bruises. Levi sat stiffly, trying to eat, but chewing much slower now. Luckily, Eren’s fingers only aimed for the swollen areas.

“It looks a lot better,” he complimented. “How are … um … other places?”

“You mean my ass?” Levi grumbled. “It’s stopped bleeding, at least.”

Eren stared at the faded bruises and bit his lip. “There’s bad news. Or maybe good news, I’m not sure.”

“About France?”

“About you. Your week is up. You will be forced to work again starting tomorrow. I thought that would be bad news, but seeing you stuck in the dark, I’m not so sure anymore. If you want, I can get you a few more days to rest.”

Levi looked around his shoulder. “How can you do that?”

“Easy. I have the only key to your cell. I’ll simply keep it on me. The soldier who comes to get the Jews in the morning would first have to remember how many days you were meant to stay there, then have to figure out who has your key, and then he would need to track me down. I can say I simply forgot about you.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Forgot about a Jew you locked away in a dungeon? I hate to say it, but that excuse would work. Sometimes, I’m surprised you Germans haven’t simply forgotten about us and left us to starve to death.”

“I would never allow that.”

“It took you this long to realize I was stuck in the dark.”

He flinched, realizing Levi was right. “I have no excuse, besides that I’ve been busy.”

They were quiet for a moment longer, and both began to feel awkward. Levi bit into his apple, wishing he had not pointed out Eren leaving him. After all, it was not the first time the lieutenant had to stay away for many days. For a while earlier that summer, they were lucky to see one another once a week for bathing day. If anything, Eren seemed to be more attentive, touching him more, staring at him longer, and like earlier, embracing him so gently.

Eren finished with the last bruise, but he did not want to tell Levi to put his shirt back on. Not yet. Levi was still eating, and he wanted him to stay like this just a little longer.

His hand caressed the scarred back. The softer touch made Levi’s sinewy muscles tense for a moment, but then Eren saw them relax even more than when he had simply been rubbing on cream. His hand glided up to Levi’s neck, right to the tips of his black hair, then drifted along his collarbone over to his shoulder.

Levi gulped hard. Surely, Eren knew what this seemed like. Levi almost told him to stop touching him like that, but the words caught in his throat. He was curious. Just how much did Eren want to do? _Why_ was he doing this? For that matter, why was he allowing it, and how far was he willing to let Eren go?

He decided he could allow this much because, as strange as it was, it lightened some dark part of his mind.

Eren found himself enthralled, not merely with the scars, but other details: a mole, the curve of his neck, the tautness of his muscles when he touched certain areas, and how they smoothed back into relaxation in other areas. He began to lean in, so close he could almost taste him.

Levi sat perfectly still. He could feel shallow breaths on his skin, and he wondered just how close Eren’s face was. What was he doing? What faces was he making? How would he respond if Eren did something weird? He swore to himself, if Eren licked his neck, he would punch him. He didn’t care if he got in trouble, he would definitely punch him for something that perverted.

But, what about a kiss?

Just as he was debating that issue, he felt Eren’s fingers starting to shake. He thought that odd. Was his hand tired? Or was he finally starting to realize what this looked like?

Eren yanked his hand back and saw that his fingers were trembling uncontrollably. He tightened his hand into a fist, hoping the tremors would stop. _Shit!_ Levi surely must have felt them shaking. He looked away with a pinched face, humiliated and anguished that he was reacting so strongly.

Levi realized the touches had stopped, and a glance behind him showed Eren with a tortured expression. Levi quickly looked straight ahead before Eren realized he had seen that too-honest face.

He opened his mouth, about to ask if that was all, but he stopped.

He checked the door. It was shut. No one knew they were down here. Eren had even checked, and no soldiers came to this area of the castle.

They were completely alone.

How far did he want to take this?

“Levi?”

Eren’s voice, a mere wisp of air, sounded so loud in the silence. It was a battle for Levi just to raise his eyes, his face slowly turning around, until he could see Eren’s face. There was pinkness in his cheeks and hazy warmth in his eyes that seemed to be focused on Levi’s mouth, looking at him in the same way as he had earlier.

“Is … Is this much okay?”

This much. The touches, the intimacy, being alone together. It really felt like a lot, although in reality it was so very little. Still, Levi’s whole body was on edge from just this much. His heart pounded from something as simple as a touch to his shoulder.

He liked it. He did not want the thrill to end.

“It’s … fine, but I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“We’re safe here.” Eren caressed Levi’s bare shoulder again.

He trusted Eren, but why would he let him get away with this? It was dangerous. Why were they both risking it? What was this about, anyway? Why did his heart want to stay while his brain screamed to run out of there?

“Why…?” His throat seized up, and he could not get the words out.

Eren pulled back in concern. “What is it?”

It was too much! Gnashing his teeth, Levi jumped away and walked into the middle of the room. He wanted to flee, and he wanted to turn around and figure out what this was all about. There were such horrible memories associated to a man touching him, yet when it was Eren…

Why was it so different when it was Eren?

Why did his heart burn with light? Why was he staying here and not running away? Why did the nightmares retreat when Eren invaded his mind?

“Why are you doing this again, _takhshet_?”

Eren looked heartbroken at the anger. “I’m sorry. You can tell me no.”

“No … I mean _yes_. I mean … what you’re doing, everything … why…” He finally cried out in anguish, “Why are you making me want to _live_?”

Eren set the arnica jar aside, stood up, and walked over to Levi, face-to-face with him. He towered over the small Jew. Levi kept his head down. His scowl deepened the furrow between his eyebrows, but Eren saw his lower lip trembling.

“Because I want us both to live through this. I want to be your friend, to know you better, and to see you smile at least once.”

“Smile?” he spat. “That will _never_ happen. Why should I smile?”

Eren stroked Levi’s gaunt cheek and spoke in a soft, warm voice. “I want to give you a reason to smile.” He gently took Levi’s chin and lifted it. Those narrow, gray-blue eyes peered up at him, looking increasingly confused and alarmed. “I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy with you.” His hand drifted down Levi’s face, glancing along his throat, while his thumb traced the smoothly sloping jawline. “I want us to live … somewhere … anywhere. Away from war and hate, somewhere safe for both of us, for you as a Jew, and for me as … as a…”

Eren suddenly yanked his hand back, as if he had touched something only to realize a moment later that it was venomous. His breathing went fast, fearful, and his eyes shook in terror. He spun around and walked away a few steps.

“ _Scheiße!_ Ignore that. Forget everything I said.”

Levi was now on guard, but he was curious by the abrupt reversal. “As a … what?”

“Nothing! Forget all of this.”

“Eren?”

“No!” he screamed.

He spun back around, looking enraged, but not at Levi. No, he was angry at himself, for touching him intimately and almost saying something that could never be rescinded. There was also terror in his eyes. Eren rubbed his arms, feeling chills as he struggled not to scream, and his lungs struggled to breathe normally.

Levi saw the conflict, and he quietly stepped up to Eren. His hand reached forward, but Eren yanked away, a mute yell, his lips pursed too tightly in terror to actually shout. Levi’s hand pulled back, then slowly approached again, like reaching out to a terrified feral cat, until his fingers rested on the stiff gray fabric of the Heer uniform.

His words were calm. “Do you think I’m stupid? Just tell me.”

The fear in Eren’s heart soothed away at seeing that accepting face. Surely, Levi already knew what he was about to say, yet he did not look disgusted. Eren’s chest still trembled, but Levi’s fearlessness encouraged him.

Firmed up with determination, he admitted aloud, “As a man who wants to do _this_ to another man.”

Boldly, Eren grasped Levi’s chin and lifted it, perhaps with a little too much force, a little too fast, determined to do this now that he had the courage. He leaned in closer, and his eyes focused on those lips.

Although Levi already guessed as much, he was shocked when he realized what the young soldier was about to do. He had expected a timid confession, not bold action.

“Eren!”

He paused and drew back enough to look into his eyes. “Do you not want me to?”

“You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

“I do,” Eren said seriously, “but I won’t if you hate it.”

Levi’s face tensed as he tried to get his mind to stop racing.

Eren saw the pinch to Levi’s brows and backed away. “Sorry—”

“No!” Levi bit back anything else as he realized he had shouted. “It’s dangerous. You could be killed.”

“I know,” he said somberly, drawing closer again, staring longingly at those lips. “I know the law. Still … I want to.” He let their lips lightly brush together, hardly breathing in trepidation. “May I kiss you?”

Levi choked on his words as he felt the warmth of Eren’s lips barely touching his. “I … y-y-you…”

Two bright, teal eyes gazed right at him up close, huge and imploring. “May I?” Eren asked again in a sultry whisper.

Levi’s throat choked up, but he nodded silently. Eren leaned in again.

It was a timid kiss, so soft, like a rose petal brushing against his lips, but for Levi, it was a feeling of tenderness that he had thought he would never know again. He had lost all hope, pitched violently into darkness, death, and a world burning all around him. All dreams of the future died when the war began.

Here it was again, that shining ray of hope…

And it was dressed in the uniform of a Nazi soldier!

Levi kept his eyes open through the kiss, unsure what to think or feel, wondering how he should act. When Eren leaned back, he saw those scared eyes staring at him. He pulled away from Levi, worried that he had forced him into something he did not want.

“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered, covering his mouth in shock. “You … You didn’t have to let me. I’m not like that other man. I will never force you to do anything. If you hate it, you can tell me to stop.”

Levi dropped his head. His heart was racing like it had not done since he and Petra—

No, the memory of her was still too painful. Maybe it would always hurt.

“I didn’t _hate_ it,” he whispered. “I just don’t know.” Levi’s brow tensed up again. “I’m not … _tapette_ … _faygala_ … Dammit, what’s the English word? I can’t even think!”

“ _Schwule_ , in German. _Tunten._ I think that’s what you mean. I know, it’s what I am.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, and his voice dropped to a whisper. “You _know_? How long have you … been like this?”

Eren shrugged. “All my life.”

“You’ve _liked men_ your whole life?” he asked in disbelief.

Eren chuckled awkwardly. “Well, since the first time I looked at a boy and thought he was really cute.”

“This isn’t a joke. You could be killed for this.”

“ _Ja_ , I know,” Eren muttered solemnly.

“Didn’t you see what happened to Moses?” Levi growled in mental agony. “He wasn’t _faygala_. They made him do that. They forced him! Still, because of that—”

“I know! I was there, I saw it, and I killed one of my own men for it,” Eren whispered, hating that vile memory. “I already knew how people like me are treated. I’ve seen it before.”

Levi looked up in shock. Had he really seen such a horrific thing?

“When I was in Napola, two boys approached me. They said, by the way I looked at other boys in the class, they could tell I was … _like this_ … like them. We became friends. Before then, I thought I was broken, but suddenly, I realized I wasn’t the only one out there like this. We would laugh together and joked about which boys in class we thought were the cutest. We knew we had to keep this a secret, but in private we would talk and … and we tried things. Like kissing,” he whispered, blushing with embarrassment.

“How old were you?” Levi asked curiously.

“When I first realized? Maybe ten or eleven, before going to that school. I didn’t understand it back then. Around age thirteen, I realized it was an issue. They taught us, _Homosexualität, lesbisch und schwul_ … it was something bad. These feelings, these desires: they’re dangerous. I knew I could never express them, I could never fall in love, or I would be killed.”

“And you were thirteen?” he asked in shock.

Eren nodded solemnly. “That was when I closed off my heart, pushed away all desires. It was nice to have friends who understood me, but I was determined to never fall in love.”

Levi could hardly help but see the irony. The year he finally opened his heart and married Petra was the same year Eren closed off his heart to love.

“One day, one of my friends confessed he liked me. It terrified me so much, I got angry at him and refused to kiss either one ever again. In time, they fell for each other. I admit, I was a little envious, but I was so scared. I had every right to be,” he said darkly.

Hardly thinking, Levi reached out and laid a comforting hand on Eren’s arm. He could see that this was a bad childhood memory.

“I had known them for about two years when they were caught together. They were brought out to the courtyard, and the whole school gathered around. We were told what they did, in graphic detail, and how it was disgusting. They were … staring at me.” He cringed at the memory. “They never said anything, but I could see in their eyes, they were telling me not to do anything to give myself away. They knew they were doomed, but they wanted me to be safe.”

“They were good friends,” Levi whispered sympathetically.

“Each boy in Napola was told to kick them in the ass. They were bent over a tree stump, and we all had to kick them while saying ‘ _Schieb‘s dir in den Arsch, scheiß Schwuchtel._ ’” He paused, struggled past the painful emotions, and tried to translate it into English. “‘Put this in your ass, dirty faggot.’ Even I had to do it.”

“Those were the words you said to me after … after Moses was killed.”

Eren shivered with deep remorse. “The captain knew about that incident. It’s in my records, because I did it louder and kicked them harder than all the others. I made one of them scream and broke his … _Steißbein_ … whatever that is in English. Part of his spine. My teacher praised me for it,” he said in disgust. “He wrote about it in my records. It was a glowing praise, the fact that I disavowed my own friends and beat them for being homosexuals. Ironically, it led to me becoming an officer.”

“What happened to them after that?” asked Levi.

“They were sent away. They’re probably dead now. It was a lesson to us all. Just like they taught us in school: _Tunten_ were filthy and did not deserve to be considered as humans.”

Levi stared in amazement. How young, to have witnessed such a thing happen to friends, and worse, to have been forced to participate!

“I realized, it could have been me. Every time we see homosexuals pulled out and sent away, I stay quiet and think, ‘That could be me next.’ I know I’m like this. I’ve always been like this. I can’t _not_ be. Believe me, for the sake of my own survival, I don’t want to be this way, but it’s just how I am.” His head dropped in defeat. “I thought I could simply go through life without love. It’s not too strange for a career soldier to never marry. I tell people, Germany is my mother, my wife, and my lover, but that’s because…” He reached over and lightly caressed Levi’s cheek. “…I know I can never have what I truly want.”

Levi felt his chest throb at the confession.

“I built a wall around my heart. I figured if the wall was high enough, the monsters beyond the wall would not get me.” Those melancholy, wistful eyes gazed fondly at Levi. “You flew right over that wall.”

Levi placed a hand over Eren’s heart. “Those monsters are not your feelings. They are the people who hate you for being the way you are.”

“But I know those monsters will kill me,” Eren whispered, close to tears. “They are the same monsters who killed my mother, who sent away my friends, and who keep hurting _you_.” His head collapsed onto Levi’s shoulder. “And I’m one of them. I’m the same, a monster. I hurt people. I’ve killed people. I watched them … watched them _hurt_ you, watched them _do that_ to you … and then I hurt you as well. I’m no different!” he shouted as tears shuddered out.

Levi stroked through Eren’s soft hair. “You’re not the same as them. Maybe you are a German, but that does not mean you have to act like a Nazi.”

Eren cringed and shook his head. “You don’t get it. I was raised to believe that being German meant you _had_ to be a Nazi. Anything less was unpatriotic, and if you’re not a patriot, you’re a traitor. I am _not_ a traitor to Germany. I just … I can’t be a Nazi. Not anymore,” he whispered, feeling stabbed to realize that. “I love my country, and I thought … no, I was _told_ … it was the only way to be a true German. The Nazi Party _is_ Germany. However, no party can claim to be patriotic if they don’t support every citizen living within their borders.”

Levi saw for certain now, Eren’s loyalties really were solidly with Germany, even if the political theater wanted him dead. If the French Resistance wanted to _turn him_ , they would fail. He grabbed Eren’s cheeks and forced his face back up.

“Listen to me, _takhshet_. If those monsters come after you, all you need to do is come to me. I’ll kill them for you. I will slash any monster that tries to kill you for being this way. I saw how it darkened you to kill a fellow German, so if they come at you for feeling this way about me, hand me a knife, scissors, anything sharp, and I will slash them. I once used my skills to be an assassin for France. I can use those skills for you now. I’ll protect _you_ this time.”

Eren smiled weakly in thanks. “That’s … really sweet.”

Levi shrugged it off. “I don’t know if I can return your feelings, but I can at least take some responsibility for putting you in this danger. Besides,” he added with a twinkle in his dark eyes, “we’re friends.”

Eren swallowed back his past pains. “Friends. But I’m a horrible friend. I know it’s dangerous, but … but I really, really want to kiss you again.” His eyes lingered on Levi’s lips. “May I?”

“Just once. I still don’t know about this. I’ve never had a man in love with me, I don’t know if I can feel the same way, but I … I don’t mind. If it’s you, if it’s just a kiss,” he whispered, his eyes lowering to those pink lips, “for some reason, I don’t mind.”

The young soldier’s arms wrapped around him, and although this was an enemy wearing the uniform of monsters who killed humans without justification, Levi felt safe within those arms. Lips pressed against his mouth, a sweet breath wafted over his nostrils and across his cheek, and those arms trembled as they held him close.

Was it from happiness or fear? Maybe both.

Levi had also frozen his heart long ago. When his wife was killed and his fertility stolen from him, he thought he had ended all emotions but hatred.

Now, this damn brat, this _takhshet_ , was showing him that love had not been stolen from this mad world.

How sickeningly ironic that this sort of love was also forbidden!

Eren pulled back, his face brighter and happier than Levi had ever seen it. He stroked his hand through Levi’s hair and laughed to himself, awestruck that he could openly touch him like this.

“May I come see you again tomorrow?”

Levi was starting to get used to the feeling of Eren petting his head. “No one is stopping you.”

“You can tell me not to. I don’t want to do anything you hate.”

Levi carefully weighed his words. “I … don’t hate being around you.”

Eren’s eyes twinkled with joy. “Then I’ll come, if I can.”

“Look, I … I still need to think about this. You do too. You could be killed, and you could get _me_ killed. Try to remember that.”

Eren drew back. He knew death hung over his head. If his fellow soldiers found out he favored the comfort of other men, he would be beaten and humiliated in front of everyone as a lesson, just like those two boys had been publicly beaten. Worse, since he was an adult now, he could be outright killed. Kitz Woermann had told him what he would have done to Grützmacher.

He accepted the risk, but he did not want to put Levi into any additional danger. His position was precarious enough, being a Jew. If they knew he and Eren were intimate … if they accused him of _seducing an Aryan_ …

“I’ll go now,” he whispered sadly. “I need to lock you away again.”

The way he said it, Levi knew that had a double meaning. Not only did Eren have to lock him in the prison cell, but it was time to lock away the feelings in his heart once more.

Eren brought him back to the dungeon. Levi sat on his cot, mentally preparing for the darkness again. Maybe this time, there would be fewer monsters staring back at him from the abyss.

He felt a hand on his head and looked up in bewilderment. Eren was petting his head again with a gentle smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said with such warmth that Levi knew he could not hide his blush.

Then Eren stepped out and locked the cell door. He took the lamp with him, but at the door he hesitated.

“Hold on.”

He left the lamp, ran out, and came right back with a thick pillar candle. He lit the candle in the flickering lamp flame and passed it through the prison bars to Levi.

“Blow it out if you hear anyone coming. Oh, and here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the box of matches he used for cigarettes. “I should cut back on smoking anyway. Hold onto them. This way, you’ll have some light to read by.”

Levi carefully took the candle and matchbox. “Thank you.”

“Until tomorrow.”

Eren flashed one last smile before trotting off, leaving Levi to read his Tanakh, daydream about that kiss, and trace the matchbox with his thumb.

# # #

# #

#

_“ **staring into the abyss”** – In his 1886 philosophy book, “Beyond Good and Evil,” Friedrich Nietzsche wrote: “He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.” In other words, don’t become as bad as the thing you want to destroy._

_**Historical side note:** Alt-Right leader Richard Spencer claimed he was “red-pilled by Nietzsche.” Adolf Hitler used the philosopher’s term “Übermensch” for Aryans. Many have quoted Nietzsche to justify their bigotry. In reality, Nietzsche was disgusted that far-right political parties were twisting his words. He said Germany should “expel the anti-Semitic squallers out of the country.” He wrote that it was “a matter of honor” to oppose such bigotry, and “These accursed anti-Semite deformities shall not sully my ideal!” Of Jews, he said, “artists like us regard the Jews with gratitude.” Sadly, after his death, Nietzsche’s Jew-hating sister heavily edited his writings, censored anything negative about anti-Semites, and she even jigsawed together new books to be published post-humorously in his name. She became the darling of the Nazi Party. Hitler visited her and traded his customary whip for Nietzsche’s walking stick. It was Nietzsche’s sister, not the man himself, who manipulated his teachings into something that would be quoted by some of the most vile scum in human history. Don’t be deceived! Nietzsche hated bigotry so much, he declared, “I will have all anti-Semites shot.”_

_**All those languages** – I originally used EVERY European language on Google Translate (plus a few in former French colonies of Africa), but Europe seriously has too many languages. Although cool, it was long and confusing, so I removed languages from countries that were neutral in World War II, as well as languages that are nearly identical. If native speakers wish to correct me, I’d appreciate it. Basically, they are all shouts of “Don’t kill me,” “Spare me,” and other things someone might shout as they see Levi coming for their life. Scary indeed!_

_“ **half-dick frog”** – a slur for French Jews, referencing both the Jewish practice of circumcision (removal of the foreskin, thus “half-dick”) and the slur about Frenchmen and frogs. It is often thought to be due to French people eating frog legs, but it likely originated with a French suitor of Queen Elizabeth I, Francis Duke of Anjou. He was a very short man, about 150 cm, or under 5 feet tall. During their courtship, he gave the queen golden frog earrings. After that, Queen Elizabeth began to affectionately call him her “frog.”_

_There’s also a theory that medieval Englishmen did not understand what the fleur-de-lis was, and upon seeing the symbol that adorned the French flag at the time, they assumed it was a frog._

__

_Eren discusses something that is important to remember. Not all Germans in World War II were Nazis. Not all Wehrmacht soldiers supported Nazi ideology. There were many liberal Germans who resisted the Nazis, many soldiers who fought for their country and not for Hitler, many conscripted against their will, and many who joined the Nazi Party out of social pressure._

_Also … **about damn time they kiss!**_


	20. A Bright Garden Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren takes Levi for a romantic stroll around the castle garden. Wait! Is this a date?

Levi squinted at the Tanakh, trying to sort out some of the Hebrew text. He remembered that this particular scripture was supposed to be very inspiring, and he wanted to read it to his people later that night, but Levi had a secret.

He could _barely_ read Hebrew.

Once early on, he let someone in another Jewish group he had been in to take his Tanakh and read a few passages aloud. He was enraged to find that the book later had dirty fingerprints. Maybe he was not interested in religion and rarely bothered to read books, but at least he knew better than to touch the paper if his hands were filthy. This was precisely why one used a _yad_ when reading the Torah.

After that, although there were many in his current group who knew how to read Hebrew, Levi refused to let them touch his book. He had been paranoid when he was forced to give the Tanakh over to Eren, and he had searched the whole book for new fingerprints or bent pages—he personally felt that people who bent the corners of pages to mark their place in a book should be shot by the author. Either Eren did not touch the book after confiscating it, or he had clean hands when he did so.

However, in his insistence at reading the book himself, that meant Levi was limited to a few passages he already knew by heart, or sections that had words he recognized. Anything more, he had to study ahead of time so he did not sound like a man who had not given a shit about his religion until four years ago.

“ _Betakh el adonai bekhol lee- … -beh- … -kha. Libekha; ve’el bee- … bah-naht- …_ no, dammit, what is this? _Binatkha … al … tisha’en._ What the hell is _tisha’en?_ Prosperity? No, I remember. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and on your own understanding do not lean. _Tisha’en_ is lean. _Bekhol deh- … -rah- … -khe- …_ oh, _derakhekha_ , your ways _… da’ehu; vehu, yeyasher orkho- …_ ah fuck … _orkhotekha._ Your paths. Your ways, your paths. _Derakhekha, orkhotekha._ Got it.”

In the middle of this, he heard footsteps above. Levi quickly blew out the candle and hid the book under his pillow. He saw a lantern gleaming as the person walked down the stairs, and finally a person turned the corner into the dungeon. He saw the lamp light up Eren’s face.

Levi felt two emotions almost simultaneously. On one hand, he was excited, as he often felt a leap of joy whenever Eren came to visit him. On the other hand, memories of the kiss yesterday returned to him with a cold chill, and he almost felt like yanking the covers over his face, hoping Eren would think he was asleep and go away.

It was too late, though. Their eyes met, and Eren had a bright smile. Of course he did! He wasn’t the one who stayed up half the night tormented by a mere kiss.

“You know,” Eren said casually, “although you blew the candle out, anyone who walks in here can smell the smoke.”

“Then I’ll put it out better next time,” he stated sharply.

Eren stepped up to the cell. “Do you feel like coming out?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

“On a walk. No one came to get me, so I figured the prison guard didn’t know you’re due to be out starting today.”

“I simply said nothing. He barely even looked my way, and I’m not going to complain if he leaves me here.”

“Good! Then we can walk together.”

Eren unlocked the cell, but Levi hesitated. Was this a trick? Still, if it meant fresh air and sunshine, he would be led astray a little. He walked past Eren, glaring sideways, expecting him to make some lewd move, but Eren simply smiled like a happy boy getting to play with a friend.

They climbed up the stairs, and the light bothered Levi. He squinted at the brightness after days in pitch dark, or at most having only a single candle. Eren realized Levi’s eyes were half-closed, tortured by the sunny September morning. He had seen this man struggle with light before, the first day they met and he let the Jews out of the closet they had hidden in throughout the village’s bombardment. He reached forward and touched Levi’s arm. There was a soft gasp, and the small man pulled away.

“We can wait for your eyes to adjust,” Eren assured him.

Levi calmed himself. Eren was behaving himself. If he was going to do anything questionable, it would have been back when they were in the dungeon, not up here with soldiers around.

After time to get used to the light, Levi followed Eren out of the castle. However, stepping outside blinded his eyes all over again. He tried to shade them, squinting to see, when he suddenly felt his arm grabbed, not tenderly, but jolting, yanking him forward.

“ _Hör auf zu trödeln, du Judenscheiße, oder ich lasse dich hängen!_ ” Stop dawdling, you Jewshit, or I’ll have you hanged.

Levi felt a flash of anger at the shout and Eren’s cruel yanking, until he realized there were two soldiers marching up to the castle. They saluted Eren, and Levi kept his head down so they would not offer to punish the Jew for the lieutenant. After that, he allowed Eren to pull him as roughly as he wanted. He was just watching out for him, after all.

They went around the castle. The building was not huge, more like an old stone watchtower from medieval times, to which a glamorous house was built next to it, with an ancient stone wall to fortify the place. Between the tower and the curtain wall were elegant gardens. Obviously, the owners of this château had luxury—not military defenses—in mind.

There were pebble pathways leading through geometrically shaped flowerbeds, straight rows of fruit trees, and a central fountain that stood bone dry, yet still elegant. Gazebos dotted the four corners of the garden, surrounded by rose bushes for an aromatic retreat. Despite the war, the bombing, and Nazis taking over the castle, the gardens were still beautiful. As Levi looked around, he knew that it would not take much to get this place tidied up and fit for nobility.

Eren grabbed up a discarded wicker basket and thrust it at Levi. “ _Halte das für mich._ Hold this for me.”

Both German and English, which meant they were still being watched. Levi obediently took the basket, and Eren began to stroll along one of the paths to the fruit trees. He picked a ripe apple and placed it in the basket.

“Technically, you’re my servant obeying my whims,” Eren whispered.

“Bollocks to that!” Levi grumbled.

“In reality, I’m picking apples for your group. So the more apples you can hold in that basket, the more you can eat later.”

Levi was honestly shocked that Eren would bring him out so they could both help the Jews together.

Eren smiled back at him. “I wish it was more. There are not many ripe apples yet. Another week or two, and these trees will be filled. I saw some berries on the other end of the garden, though. It’s late in the season, but we can pick some of those as well.”

“Did you scout out the garden before coming to get me?” Levi asked, meaning to tease him a little.

“Yes,” Eren answered honestly.

That stunned Levi. He had thought Eren was doing this on a whim. Instead, he had planned a way to get the Jews food. Eren reached up high to pick a couple more apples, and Levi held the basket for him, amazed that they could work together like this.

“I may be busy over the next few days,” Eren warned, keeping his voice quiet. “A lot has been happening.”

“With the war?” asked Levi.

Eren practically ripped an apple off its branch. “Yes. I’m sure you’ll be happy to learn that it’s not going well for us,” he said sarcastically. “I don’t know how much longer before Americans reach this village.” Eren dropped the apple into the basket, then paused and looked solemn. “If I can get you out before then…”

He left that wish hanging, and Levi was not sure what to say in response. He could not ask Eren to help him to escape, since if he was caught, he would be executed as a traitor. Levi wanted no more blood on his hands. However, what crappy timing! Just as Eren finally got bold enough to tell him the truth about his feelings, now the war was on their doorstep.

“I’ll think of something,” Eren whispered, mostly to himself.

Levi stared at him, and the determined look on Eren’s face burned his heart. “Stop doing that,” he grumbled.

Eren jolted. “Huh? What am I doing this time?” he cried out.

Levi pouted and turned his face aside. “You’re giving me hope again.”

Eren had to laugh, and his eyes were gentle as he smiled at Levi. “We all need hope.”

“Hope betrays you. It makes it worse when the inevitable happens, and what you hoped for _dies_.”

“Hope makes life bearable, and even if a dream or two doesn’t happen, when what your hope for really does come true, it’s so much better.”

Levi suddenly snapped, “What do you know of losing dreams?” He gasped as soon as he shouted it, remembering what Eren had told him about his past. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I understand what you mean.” Eren looked around the garden to make sure Levi’s shout had not attracted attention. “You had someone you cherished, someone you chose to spend the rest of your life with, to raise a family together, and that hope was stolen from you. What I’ve lost in the past doesn’t even compare.” Eren gazed bittersweetly at Levi. “There are things I hope for right now that I know, as nice as it would be, it’ll probably never happen.”

Levi felt a pang of guilt. “Eren—”

“That’s okay,” he cut in. “I still won’t stop hoping, because if I did that, I would be giving up on my future, and without a future to look forward to, why be alive? I _need_ hope.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “What is a man like me supposed to do if I can’t hope for a day when I’m not hated for whom I love?”

Levi dropped his gaze. Hated for whom he loves? Just the thought of it hurt Levi deep inside. He knew that sort of life. When he married Petra, there were many who protested. A Catholic and a Jew were not supposed to fall in love. That sort of hate led to her death.

Here he was again, someone falling in love with him, but it was much more than an issue of different religions.

“Look, Eren, about yesterday—”

“Monsieur Jäger?”

They both gasped and turned at the high voice. Krista stood on the garden path with a basket of fennel and leeks in her hands.

Eren bowed slightly to her. “ _Guten Morgen._ ”

“ _Bonjour_ ,” she greeted back with a curtsy. Then she tipped her head to Levi. “ _Capitaine_ Ackerman.”

“ _Sérieux, ne m’appelle pas comme ça._ ” Seriously, don’t call me that.

She smiled apologetically. “Levi.”

Eren spoke in English. “I’m going to climb this apple tree. I see some ripe ones near the top. You two talk.”

Levi snapped, “We have nothing to talk about.”

“Well, she _doesn’t speak German_ , so I can’t talk to her.” He leaned in and whispered, “Ask her for me if she can bring bread again this Saturday. I’ll pay her.”

With that, Eren leaped and grabbed a branch of the nearby apple tree, easily swinging up into the leafy canopy. Levi cursed under his breath. Eren probably thought Krista was nothing more than a sympathetic French girl, and he could not tell the truth without putting her in danger.

Krista gazed up at Eren as he climbed to the top of the tree. She commented in French, “He’s very trusting of you.”

“He knows I can’t run. If I leave, the rest of the Jews are dead.” He glared scathingly at her. “ _He_ understands that.”

“I came here hoping to find you, precisely about that issue.”

“Levi!” Eren called down. “Catch.”

An apple dropped, and Levi easily caught it with one hand while still holding the basket with the other hand.

Krista looked up into the tree. “Has he mentioned anything about the German army?”

“Just that they’re losing. Good,” he grunted.

“Then he doesn’t know.” Another apple dropped, which Levi caught. “Something is going on in the city of Metz. This company will be relocating soon.”

“Relocating? What’s going on in Metz?”

“A last stand. A suicidal move. Sacrifice a few divisions to save the rest of the Wehrmacht.”

“That’s stupid,” Levi said, his eyes on Krista as he automatically caught an apple without even looking up. “Even Hitler isn’t _that_ much of an idiot.”

“It’s his command. They are to go to Metz and stall the Allies for as long as they can, to stay and fight until not a single soldier is left alive. Surrender and retreat are forbidden, by orders of the Führer. This company will join them next week.” She looked around at the soldiers in Heer uniforms. “It’s a shame. Germany may be the enemy, but these men don’t deserve to be sacrificed.”

Levi looked up into the tree and saw Eren stretching to reach an apple far out on a limb. He was pushing his body to the limits, all so the Jews could eat. Such a man like this should not be placed in a stupid, suicidal mission.

Krista went on in a whisper. “The members of Operation Bagel are working to get you Jews out as soon as possible, within the next few days. If the lieutenant follows his normal routine and takes you to the river to bathe, we can see about acting at that time. Let’s pray that he only brings two of his men with him again. That, we can handle easily.”

“Don’t kill them,” Levi muttered.

“I can’t promise that.”

“Then don’t kill _him_ ,” he said, his teeth baring in a sneer. “That’s part of my agreement. I’ll work with the Resistance if you get us all out, and if Eren is left alone.”

“Protecting the enemy?” she asked with a smirk. “Or is he a friend now?”

Levi realized how foolish it sounded, to have befriended the man who locked him away in a dungeon. How much more insane would she think he was if she knew Eren had also confessed he had feelings for Levi?

Quietly, he said, “My loyalty lies with whomever is loyal to me.”

“Levi, catch!”

He grabbed a dropped apple without breaking his scowling glare at Krista. “Eren has gone out of his way to save my life. You and the rest of France cannot say the same. France _betrayed_ us Jews. You need to prove yourself worthy of my assistance.”

She tipped her head. “I’ll aim for that. The other members know about your stipulations, and we’ll do our best to protect the lieutenant. We’ll get you out first, and soon. You’re the most important target. I will then take your place as translator, and with any luck, I can facilitate the rest of the operation from within. We’ll get the rest of the group this weekend by the river.”

“ _Au diable tout ça._ ” To hell with that. “I will not leave until the women are rescued.”

Krista laughed awkwardly. “That will not be easy. You don’t understand how hard it is—”

“ _I_ don’t understand?” he challenged, raising his voice. “ _You_ don’t understand what it’s like to watch a woman get raped right in front of you, and you can’t do _a damn thing_ because you’re behind bars. All you can do is tell her a prayer and hope to God the man finishes quickly. _You don’t understand what that’s like!_ ” Another apple dropped, and Levi instinctively caught it, almost crushing it in his hand. He dropped the bruised apple into the basket and lowered his voice to a hiss. “I am not leaving before those women, and that’s final.”

She sighed in frustration, but her eyes softened. “You’re a true gentleman, captain.”

“ _Je me souviens quand les Français n’étaient pas des lâches, mais des honorables._ ” I remember when the French were not cowards, but honorable.

Just then, Eren landed down from the tree. “That’s all the ripe ones I could find.”

“Then we’re done here,” Levi said, staring hard at Krista.

Raising her chin stubbornly, she replied, “ _Le plan devra être réajusté. Je vais devoir parler de ça avec le groupe._ ” The plan will have to be readjusted. I’m going to have to discuss this with the group.

“ _Tu vas le faire, alors._ ” You go do that, then.

Levi turned away and began to walk down the garden path. Eren looked between the two, wondering what happened. He had thought Levi and Krista would make good friends, yet he was excessively cold to her.

Eren pulled out his wallet, handed over some bills to Krista, and whispered secretively, “ _Bitte kaufen Sie mehr Brot, falls es geht._ ” Please buy more bread, if you can.

She smiled as she pushed the money back. “ _Ich werde beschäftigt sein._ ” I’ll be busy.

Eren slowly pulled the money back and pouted. “ _Ist das so? Es tut mir Leid, dass ich Sie um so Vieles bitte._ ” Is that so? I’m sorry, I’m asking so much of you.

“ _Nein, ich möchte helfen._ ” No, I want to help. Krista looked down at the money, and impulsively she took it. “ _Ich werde sehen was ich tun kann._ ” I’ll see what I can do.

Eren’s face brightened into a smile, but Krista was struck by a feeling of being heartbroken. Such a nice man, and yet his future was doomed. Impulsively, she tiptoed up and kissed Eren on the cheek.

“ _Bonne chance!_ ” Good luck!

Then she took off, fleeing from him as her face struggled with emotions.

Eren watched her go, confused by her farewell. Good luck? Why would he need luck? He shrugged it off, figuring it was a French thing, and went to catch up with Levi. However, the Jew had paused by a tree, holding onto the trunk as he breathed laboriously.

“Levi!” Eren ran forward to make sure he did not pass out.

“Fine … I’m fine,” Levi muttered as his head swam with vertigo.

Eren began to reach forward, but Levi slapped his hand away. Still, he leaned heavily on the tree, struggling to stay upright. Eren frowned as he saw Levi suffering.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Levi let out a weak laugh. “They wouldn’t let my people bring me a bowl of soup for dinner last night, and I didn’t even touch the bread they brought this morning. If I’m going to die, it won’t be from bread covered in rat shit.”

“You haven’t eaten since what I gave you yesterday?” Eren cried out. “Sit! Now! You’re going to eat.” He looked around. “ _Ich sehe einen Pavillon._ I don’t know what those things are called in English, but we can sit there.”

He took the basket so Levi could focus on walking, and they went over to a gazebo. Levi gladly sat in the shade. Eren plucked an apple out of the basket and thrust it into Levi’s hand.

“Here. Eat this. Seriously, you need to tell me if you’re hungry. I could have gotten us lunch before going on a walk.”

Levi bit into the apple and felt the sweetness burst into his mouth. After chewing and swallowing, he muttered, “I’m finally being let outside for the first time in almost a week. Do you think I’m going to push my luck by asking for food?”

“You know I would feed you.”

Levi glanced up into Eren’s amiable face, then stared forward as he took another bite of the apple. “It’s … difficult sometimes … reminding myself that you’re not like the others.”

Eren smiled sadly at hearing that. He was glad that Levi saw him differently, but it also meant he sometimes thought of him as just another Nazi, and most Nazis he met were cruel. Eren had to admit, normal Nazis would rather kill a Jew than feed one.

He looked around the garden. The gazebo was tucked away in a corner amongst rose bushes and shady willow trees. No one was around this area. He scooted a little closer to Levi, biting his lip as he could feel the warmth radiating off of him.

Levi felt the movement and looked down to see their legs were a finger’s-width apart, so close, but Eren held back from touching. Trying to seem casual, Levi leaned his leg over until their thighs were flushed against one another. He heard a small gasp from Eren, but he pretended like he did not notice, eating his apple as he stared out at the garden.

Beside him, Eren’s heart was racing from just that one gesture. He had thought Levi might shift away. Had he leaned his leg up against him on purpose? On accident? He seemed to not realize it was there. Did he want this closeness? Did he notice it?

“I … I was thinking about something,” Eren whispered. “As much as I enjoy your company, I want you to be safe. I think … this Saturday … I’m sure I can convince Armin to help, and Jean will likely go along with it. If it’s the three of us again … we can let the Jews escape.”

Levi looked over sharply at him. “Are you serious?”

“I paid Krista to buy your people bread. That’s my alibi, proof that I had no intention of letting you go. We’ll figure out a way to make it look like a struggle. I might get in a little trouble…”

“Then forget it!”

“No!” Eren slammed his hand down onto Levi’s thigh and glared sternly at him. “I can’t keep sitting by and watching you suffer. _I can’t!_ I would rather be reprimanded, demoted, whipped, whatever punishment I get, if it means you’re safe.” His jaw clenched with determination. “I’m getting you out!”

Levi felt oddly warm hearing Eren’s conviction. Instead of a frivolous and naïve boy, this time he saw the hardened soldier, planning for a battle where he had everything to lose. Then he felt tingling on his leg and looked down. Eren’s hand was gripping his thigh with firm fingers.

Eren followed Levi’s eyes down and saw where his hand had landed. “Ah! Sorry.” He yanked it away. “I thought you might run away on me.”

That warm tingling remained, and Levi kept his eyes down at where his trousers now had a hand-sized crease. “Krista,” he whispered. Levi looked around the garden. “She’s near the exit. Run to her. She … She can help.”

“A little girl like her?”

“She offered. She … look, just trust me,” Levi snapped. “Run to her, tell her you plan to let us go on Saturday. Just, for the love of God, trust me on this and don’t ask questions.”

Eren nodded firmly. He guessed enough. As he bolted across the garden path, chasing after the blond teen, he realized why Levi was cold to her earlier. She must have offered something. Maybe she had connections. If she had offered to help Levi to escape, the temptation must have been great. That was why he talked sternly to her and wanted to get away.

“Krista!”

She paused and looked back, stunned to see Eren running at her. She began to turn and flee, fearing that Levi tattled on her. Eren easily caught her, pulled her over to a building, and pressed her up against the wall.

She struggled against his strong hold. “ _Lâchez-moi!_ ” Let go of me!

“ _Bitte hören Sie mir zu_.” Please listen to me. Eren’s voice dropped to a whisper. “ _Können Sie Levi helfen, diesen Samstag zu fliehen?_ ” Can you help Levi escape this Saturday?

She gasped at the whisper and stared up in shock. Eren was so close, if anyone saw them, they would think this soldier was having his way with a pretty girl. Yet this close, those fiery teal eyes could not lie. He was serious.

Krista nodded with determination. “ _Wir können sie alle retten._ ” Let’s save them all.

Eren agreed solemnly. “ _Wir gehen die Details später noch genau durch._ ” We’ll go through the details later. Then, with a shove to the brick wall, he pushed himself away and tipped his head genteelly. “ _Bis Samstag._ ” Until Saturday.

Krista’s lips fluttered in a smile, and as Eren strode away, she saw for a moment what it was about this soldier that so enamored the former French captain.

Eren tried to hurry back. He had taken off without even bothering to ask Levi to follow, knowing he could barely walk. Now he realized that he was putting a lot of trust into Levi not running away. He also feared what might happen if another German noticed him sitting there with a basket of apples, seemingly on a picnic in the garden instead of washing dishes or scrubbing toilets.

Thankfully, Levi was still sitting in the gazebo, his eyes on Eren and … was that a smile? By the time Eren got close enough to see his face clearly, the turn to the lips was gone. Eren sat back under the shade of the gazebo, and it felt natural that he was close enough for their legs to touch.

“So?” Levi prodded.

“She’ll help. I’m not sure how, and maybe I don’t want to know.” He glanced down at Levi. “Has she been helping your people?”

“She brought us bread once. That’s all.”

Eren was not sure if that was the truth or not, but he decided not to pursue the issue. Levi was almost done with his apple. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m realizing that this will probably flush right out my ass, but at least diarrhea is better than hard shit right now.”

“I think they grow _Möhren_ here. I don’t know the English word. If you can gather them, you can have them.”

Eren began to shift to stand, but Levi’s hand shot out, landing on his leg.

“Stay. I … want to sit here a little longer.”

It was peaceful, the garden was serene, and being outdoors in fresh air was healing to his soul. Levi felt almost normal sitting here, like the war was far away, even though a Nazi soldier was sitting right next to him. Levi felt a hand lay on top of his, and he looked down, finally realizing that he had grabbed Eren’s leg. Now Eren’s hand was over his, giving him a comforting touch.

“Okay,” Eren whispered. “We can stay here.”

Eren’s hand did not move, and as the minutes passed by with buzz of bees and birdsong, Levi grew increasingly self-conscious that his hand was trapped on Eren’s thigh. He probably could have yanked it away, but … he didn’t mind. At least for a little while, they could sit like this. Even when Eren’s thumb glided up and down his knuckles, Levi kept his hand where it was.

It felt … _nice_ … to touch another human like this.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, yet was probably no more than ten minutes. Then Eren’s hand slid off, and the coldness of the air felt disappointing. However, his hand glided over until it landed on Levi’s thigh. At first, he just let it lie there, warm and hesitant, barely even touching, but gradually Eren grew bolder. His hand rested firmer, gripping Levi’s leg slightly. Eren’s thumb again slid back and forth, feeling the trouser fabric.

More minutes ticked by slowly. Levi could not look up into Eren’s face. His eyes were down, seeing their arms crossed, their hands on each other’s legs, sitting so close, touching one another so intimately. His heart raced in a way it had not done in years.

Then Eren’s hand shifted, slowly gliding up the thigh. Levi watched, like the slow stalking of a predator, yet he was too scared to move.

Or maybe, he didn’t want this to stop.

“Levi,” Eren whispered.

The voice jolted him, and his eyes flashed up, only to be ensnared by a gaze so intense, it left Levi paralyzed. Had anyone, even Petra, ever stared at Levi the way Eren did? Petra had been coy, playing the bashful maiden long after they were married. Eren looked more like a wolf about to devour him.

Levi knew one thing for sure: no person had ever made his heart race like this from just a touch. He was breathing so fast, with his mouth slightly open in shock, that his lips felt dry. His tongue darted out to moisten them, and that tiny move made Eren’s breath hitch. He also dragged his tongue slowly over his lips, leaving them glistening in the sunshine.

Those lips … yesterday, they gave Levi such hope. He could practically feel the soft caress of those lips again, and it filled his heart with both warm yearning and cold dread. Terror, joy, despair, hope, nightmares, dreams, trauma, healing: they all clashed in a war of their own.

Then they heard the crunching of pebbles down the path, and both of their hands yanked away. Levi cursed under his breath, and Eren instantly slid down the gazebo bench. He grabbed the basket, slammed it between them, snatched an apple, and bit into it. Levi dropped his head, acting the part of the obeisant servant as he hoped no one recognized him.

The approaching soldier passed by, casually saluted the lieutenant, and thought nothing of an officer resting with his civilian attendant for a little snack. He continued on, and Eren let out a long, tense sigh. Then he heard Levi hiss beside him.

“What the hell are you doing?”

He felt stung by the anger in those words, but Levi was right. They were in the open. He was doing things like this where anyone could see him. This was more than just dangerous. It was stupid! Still, if Levi was leaving in just a few days, Eren no longer wanted to hold back.

On his side of the bench, Levi knew those words were aimed not only at Eren, but at himself. What the hell was he doing, touching a Nazi soldier like that, and allowing himself to be touched?

Then again, if he was leaving … part of him wanted to let Eren do whatever he wanted. They might never see one another again. What was the harm in letting the man have a little fun before they parted?

 _A lot of harm_ , Levi scolded silently to himself.

Levi also realized the conflict growing in himself. More than anything, he wanted to leave this place before anyone else died, but he knew he was going to miss this brat. He had grown fond of Eren, befriended him, and now struggled with the knowledge that Eren had feelings for him. A person doesn’t just forget someone like that. For as long as he lived, he would always remember the kind German who saved his life and gave him hope in the middle of a horrific war.

“We should head back,” said Eren.

His voice sounded cold, and it made Levi want to apologize. He must have taken his words as a fierce scolding. Levi just wanted to warn him that this path was dangerous. He was worried about Eren’s safety. If they kept this up…

No good could come from this.

As for the clandestine touches, as flustering as they were, as confused as he was about what to think about them … he didn’t mind.

Near the back of the estate grounds, close to the kitchens, was a potager garden. This area was also laid out with clean precision, decorative yet functional, filled with vegetables, herbs, leafy greens, and rimmed with berry bushes. A cook needed only to step outside to collect some fresh rosemary or pluck off a few berries to top a dessert.

Eren occasionally stopped by places around the potager garden. He spoke only in German now, but Levi understood enough. Sharp orders were barked out to pick carrots, beets, onions, radishes, green beans, zucchini, collards, leeks, broccoli, and tomatoes. Eren called out the vegetables in German, but Levi could see for himself what they were.

The basket creaked with the weight, but Levi knew that the more he could hold, the more his people could eat. With that in mind, he lugged the basket along from area to area, ending up at some berry bushes. Picking the berries stained his hands, but they filled in the spaces between the other vegetables.

Once the basket really did look ready to break apart, Eren took Levi into the castle kitchen, giving a sharp order to the young _soldat_ stuck on kitchen duty that Levi was to clean the vegetables. The _soldat_ saluted and let the lieutenant do as he pleased, not wanting to upset an officer.

Levi got to work scrubbing dirt off the carrots, radishes, and other vegetables. This also allowed him to clean himself a little, scrubbing his arms and rubbing a little soap onto his face for a quick wash. It felt good to be clean, even if it was not a full bath.

Eren sat to the side, tapped out a cigarette, but as he searched for his matches, he realized he had given them to Levi. He walked over to the stove and was glad to see some matches next to it. He lit up the cigarette and took a long, relaxing drag. Then he put the matchbox into his pocket.

The fresh-faced soldier cleared his throat. “ _Entschuldigen Sie, Herr Leutnant, aber Sie sollten wirklich nicht rauchen._ ” Pardon me, lieutenant, but you really shouldn’t smoke.

“ _Ja, ich weiß, es ist schlecht für mich._ ” Yes, I know, it’s bad for me.

He knew about Hitler’s anti-smoking campaigns, but Eren still continued without much heed. Even if it was unhealthy, it was a habit now. He had received his first cigarette while in Italy. During the Battle of Anzio, it was a way for him to calm his mind, and he ended up going through many cigarettes a day. He had been trying to cut back ever since, but it was too easy to buy some cigarettes off a local Frenchman and feel that same sense of relaxation. It was also his way of rebelling against what Germans back home said he should and should not do.

As Levi continued with the hard work of scrubbing the vegetables, Eren began to separate the haul. He took a burlap sack from the side of the kitchen and placed enough vegetables to feed the Jews. He tried to be generous: an apple for each of them, three green beans per person, two radishes each, a small tomato for every person, there were six zucchinis so they could split them in half and share, and since Connie hated broccoli, he gave all of those as well as all the berries to the Jews.

He set aside enough to make his men happy. There were still enough carrots for a soup, and Thomas would love to cook the beets, onions, and collards, which would be hard for the Jews to eat raw. He also put in a few apples. Maybe Thomas could make strudels.

As Levi dried his hands, Eren tied the burlap sack closed. They left the kitchen and walked through the château. The kitchen was in the west wing, while the dungeon was far to the east, in the area that was oldest and near the original medieval watchtower. In the grand hallway that connected the two wings of the château, soldiers milled about. A few saluted Eren as he walked by, but generally went along with their own business.

Then a voice shouted out. “ _Leutnant Jäger, haben Sie kurz Zeit?_ ”

Eren paused and looked over at a soldier coming up to him. The man saluted with a proud “ _Heil Hitler_ ” and began to speak. Levi waited, but he knew who this man was already. He was basically their jailer, letting the Jews out in the morning and doing roll call in the evening before locking them away. He was likely asking Eren about when Levi was due to return to work.

Sure enough, as Eren talked with the man, his face took on that same hollow coldness that Levi had come to understand meant he was burying his personal emotions in order to act the part of a loyal Nazi. The two soldiers saluted _Heil Hitler_ once more, and Eren continued on his way. His face was darkened, his eyes frigid, and he said nothing.

“I guess I work again,” Levi muttered.

“ _Halt die Klappe, du Judenscheiße._ ” Shut up, you Jewshit.

The harsh shout stunned Levi, but he merely kept his head down. There were soldiers around. They could not talk friendly in this area. Levi followed Eren, acting subservient, until they were in the east wing. The closer they got to the staircase that led to the dungeon, armory, and other areas of the old castle, the fewer soldiers they saw, until finally they were the only two people in the hallway. Eren let out a heavy sigh.

“Sorry about that.”

“You’re a soldier,” Levi reasoned. “Your duty comes first.”

“He wanted your key. I said I was using you as my servant for the day, I would lock you back away later, and I’d give the key to him this evening”

Levi nodded in quiet understanding. “It was nice while it lasted.”

They went to the staircase leading down to the dungeon. Eren was again hit by the reek of feces and body odor. This was worse than any public toilet he had ever been inside. Not even the smell of his cigarette made the room bearable.

Eren lit a lamp and helped Levi to distribute the apples and carrots, hiding them under pillows in each cell. Other items were too soft or would stain the bedding, so they would need to be passed around after the lights were out and Germans could not see them. Levi found a bucket, hid the sack with the remaining food inside, and pushed it under the cot. Even if a German noticed, they would think it was a toilet bucket and would not dare look inside.

Eren’s cigarette was out, and the foul fumes were getting to him. “Let’s go. No offense, but I feel like I’m going to vomit if I stay in this room for too long.”

“I feel that way all the time, _takhshet_.”

Levi gladly left, and he was not surprised when Eren took him back to the armory. This was a room where he felt safe, and they could be together with privacy. Levi’s heart already began to race. If yesterday was a timid kiss, what would today bring?

“I stole this.” Eren brought out a small tart. “You need to eat more, if you skipped breakfast. One apple isn’t enough.”

Levi was not about to turn down food. The pastry was filled with lemon curd and topped with a raspberry. He carefully bit in. The crust flaked, and he put a hand under to catch crumbs. The sour-sweet taste of lemon melted over his mouth. Levi closed his eyes as a tingle went from taste buds to toe tips.

Eren reached into the basket meant for his men and pulled out an apple for himself. They moved over to a bench on the side of the room and sat to enjoy their small meal. Eren watched Levi eat the tart, and while it filled him with warmth to see Levi enjoying himself, it was also pitiful. Thomas had made tarts earlier that summer, and Eren had devoured two without much thought. Meanwhile, Levi ate this small treat like it was food of the gods, licking crumbs off his hand.

They continued to eat in silence, each hiding smiles from the other, lost in thoughts and feelings of anticipation, as well as sadness at the realization that they would be separating soon.

“So, Saturday is the big day. I’m both relieved and sad. It’ll be lonely without you around.”

“You have your men,” Levi said with his mouth full.

“Yes, but I can’t talk to them like I can with you.” He looked longingly at Levi, but his gaze quickly shot away. “I hope this plan works,” he whispered, then added with a wry laugh, “and hopefully it doesn’t involve shooting myself in the leg.”

He heard a small snort of a laugh from Levi, and he looked up at him. Levi might have laughed, but there was still no smile. Once again, Eren could not look at Levi for long before turning his flushed face aside.

“About earlier today, I’m sorry if I did something you hated.”

Levi’s head shot up. “What do you mean?”

“In the garden, touching you like that.”

“Oh.” Levi felt his face warming up all over again. “It’s fine.”

“No, it wasn’t. You were mad at me.”

“Because you did that in public, where anyone could see.”

Eren shyly looked over. “Then, what if I did it in private?”

Levi realized too late what he had said.

Eren lowered his voice. “Did you like it?”

Levi’s face burst out red, and his throat felt too dry to speak for a few moments. He gulped hard and muttered sharply, “What do you expect me to say?”

“‘You’re disgusting. Stay away from me. Don’t ever touch me again.’”

Levi realized that normally, that would have been his reaction right away. Another man touching him, especially his leg, the most sensitive part of his body, should have been disgusting. He should have slapped Eren’s hand away immediately.

Instead, he carefully weighed his words. “You’re … not disgusting.”

Eren began to reach forward, but he pulled back with second thoughts. He really was pushing things, but knowing Levi would be leaving soon … he really wanted more! Boldly, he placed his hand on Levi’s knee.

“Just this much,” he said to himself.

It was a simple touch, but it meant so much to him. Everything, every look and smile and blush, were all so precious to Eren. He knew he might never get a chance to experience happiness like this again.

“You … You plan to go to America, right?”

Levi hesitated before nodding. Eren sounded so sad, it was heartbreaking.

His fingers lazily stroked Levi’s leg. “Where exactly?”

Levi swallowed down the last of the tart. “I have a cousin in New York.”

“New York,” Eren said dreamily. “What is it like?”

“I’ve never been there. Crowded, according to my cousin. Diverse. Many languages, many races, many religions, all living relatively in harmony with one another.”

“Sounds like paradise.”

“Sounds like chaos,” Levi grumbled. “But peace, acceptance, tolerance … those sound nice.”

Eren looked down at the apple in his hand. New York. The Big Apple. The Empire City of the New World. “It’s a big city.”

“The biggest in the world,” Levi agreed.

“A person could get lost there.”

“I’d rather be lost than found by Nazis. No offense,” he added.

“No, I understand,” Eren muttered.

“Personally, I never liked big cities,” Levi grumbled. “I lived in Paris for a few years. Hated it! I lived in London off and on. That was even worse. I’ve been to Warsaw. Gorgeous city, but overcrowded. Still, sometimes, a crowd can be safer. If I can vanish in a big city and just be a face in the crowd, all the better.”

“But how would anyone find you?”

“If they want to find me, they can.”

Levi paused as he realized what Eren was saying. After the war was over, how would they find one another again? It really was an issue. The world was a big place. Finding one person amidst billions would be a real challenge.

“You’re a _Jäger_ ,” Levi whispered. “A hunter! If you wanted to find me, I’m sure you could.”

Eren’s face burst into a smile. “Would you want to meet up again after the war?”

Levi’s brow pinched together. “We’re friends. I wouldn’t hate it if you showed up at my doorstep one day.”

“Then it’s a promise!”

“Don’t promise something you can’t fulfill,” he snapped. “Anything could happen in this war. You could die. _I_ could die. This whole village could be bombed to the ground tomorrow. The war could last another twenty years.”

“I would wait twenty years to find you,” Eren said, his voice quiet and his eyes serious.

A chill ran down Levi’s arms, as well as something akin to a fiery arrow pierced his chest. Why did those words fill him with so much faith?

“You’re doing it again,” Levi grumbled.

“Doing what?”

“Giving me hope. Making me want to live.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Levi whispered, laughing softly to himself. “Not bad at all.”

Eren smiled bittersweetly to himself. At least Levi now liked that he was giving him hope, rather than panicking about it. He saw his apple sitting to the side, picked it up, and handed it to Levi.

“Please, eat it.”

Levi narrowed his eyes, but he slowly took the fruit. There were many bites in it, but less than half was eaten. Knowing he would not get more food, and receiving dinner was questionable, he dug into the apple, determined to finish the whole thing, even the core.

Eren watched him eat. Something so simple made him happy. Caring for Levi, giving him food, sitting with him, resting his hand on his leg: they were all little blessings. He could have sat there the whole day, just gazing at this man, and feel like it was the best day of his life.

He also knew, this was not going to be possible anymore. Tomorrow, Levi returned to work, slaving away. He would likely face cruelty. Definitely, all the Germans knew who he was, and a few would feel it was their duty to punish him. This moment of peace would never come again.

At least all of this would be over on Saturday. With a lot of luck, the Jews would be on their way to freedom.

That thought made Eren hold Levi’s leg just a little tighter. He wanted him out of this dangerous place, but he also did not want to let him go.

Eren saw that Levi was almost done with his apple. He began to open his mouth, but hesitated. He scowled, really not wanting to bring it up, but he needed to say this while he still could.

“I know you said you don’t hate it, but I just want to say … I’m truly sorry,” Eren sighed.

Levi gulped down the apple and raised his head. What was he apologizing about this time?

“After what happened to you last week, I shouldn’t have said anything about my feelings, but … but I think _because_ of what happened, I was forced to admit it to myself.”

Levi relaxed to hear the timid confession. “It’s fine. It’s not like I hadn’t figured it out weeks ago.” He took another bite from the apple.

Eren laughed awkwardly. “Weeks ago? Really? Now I feel like an idiot for not saying anything sooner.”

“You _are_ an idiot.”

His hand lazily stroked along Levi’s thigh. “I just couldn’t keep telling myself I was mistaken. I was so successful at suppressing my feelings for years, so I almost didn’t realize why you made me react in strange ways. Especially since it was a man … like you.”

“A Jew?” asked Levi.

“Partly, yes, but also—no offense—a man so much older than me. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re really not the sort of person I usually think is cute.”

“Good. I’d kick your ass if you said I was cute.”

Eren chuckled at the gruff retort. “This is the sort of thing that made me fall for you.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Insulting you? Are you a masochist?”

“No, I mean, you talk to me like a normal person. All my life, I’ve either been treated as a child, ordered around as a soldier, or obeyed as an officer. Few people in my entire life have ever treated me as a friend.”

Levi knew the feeling all too well. Leaving the military and returning to civilian life had been a huge adjustment. He got angry with many people who treated him with contempt as a Jew, and not with the respect he had grown used to as an officer. That was partly what made him interested in Petra. She treated him with respect, but also acted casual around him. It was a weird experience for Levi, being _befriended_.

Eren went on, “After what happened last week, I couldn’t keep telling myself that I was mistaken. A part of me was not just enraged at what the captain made Moses do, and of what that soldier did to you. Part of me was … was … _eifersüchtig_. Jealous?”

Levi sneered. “Jealous? Of what? That he was the one who raped me, not you?”

“No!” Eren cried out. “At first, that you had to go through that, and I had to watch, and … and _everyone_ got to see it. I hated that they all got to see your body, and they all witnessed your shame. Armin had to stop me three times from shooting the captain.”

Levi muttered, “ _Tu aurais dû le tuer ce salaud._ ” You should have killed that bastard.

“Then later, I was jealous that what Grützmacher was doing was what I wanted to do.”

Levi’s head shot up. “What?” he screamed.

“I don’t mean…”

Levi leaped away. “Get the hell away from me.”

“No! I would have _asked_. What he did to you was evil! What I had dreamed about was gentle, loving, something we’d both want, something we’d enjoy together…”

Levi clasped his hands over his ears. The memories of that time were still there, and it made Levi’s stomach heave.

“I’m sorry,” Eren cried out. “I’m just being honest. I had dreamed of making love to you, and to see someone getting that chance made me … maybe jealous is not the right word. He was daring to hurt you in a way that I wanted to pleasure you. He forced you, whereas I would have _begged_ you for the honor.”

“Stop,” Levi whispered in anguish, trying to keep his stomach down.

“I would never hurt you. Never! But I was … I can’t think of the right word. More than just mad. It was _my_ dream to touch you like that, _my_ dream to pleasure you like that, and there he was, _daring_ to do things that I was too scared to admit I wanted. I felt like you were mine, and _how dare he touch you!_ I was scared that after experiencing that in such a brutal way, you’d never want to do it with me. It was like he stole you from me before I could even admit to myself just how much I—”

“Stop!” Levi clenched into his hair. Eren words made his memories blend and distort, with Eren’s face, his voice, and his hands touching him, only it was not gentle at all. It was all the worst of his dark memory, and now it was Eren hurting him, beating him into submission, violating his body.

“How could I let someone who took pleasure in you live? How could I not kill him for daring to touch you, for hurting a person so precious to my heart?”

Levi collapsed to his knees, shaking as the twisted nightmares threatened to drown out Eren’s fervent words. “Stop it,” he whispered. “Please, stop.”

Eren’s head dropped. “I’m sorry. I just need to be honest with you. These are my true feelings. They’re not at all pure. They’re dark and ugly and twisted. I’m an abomination, and I understand if you don’t want me around you. Don’t feel like you have to accept any of this.” He sadly muttered, “I never expected you to accept my feelings anyway.”

Levi took slow, deep breaths, working through the flashbacks. That man was dead, the injuries were healed, but memories could live on long after the event.

“I … thought about you,” he said, his voice weak and shaking. “When he was … doing that … I wondered, did you just have weird feelings for me, or did you want to do _that_ with me as well. Every time … every time he raped me, that thought ran through my head. ‘Did Eren want this as well?’ I … I broke when I realized, if you did want sex like that, I would never be able to let you do it. Not after what he did. I don’t even know if I can love a man, but I know … I can’t ever … let a man do _that_ to me … ever again. That thought was what finally shattered me, because I felt like it was my fault you’d never get the chance.”

Eren dropped his head. Then it was like he feared. Grützmacher stole Levi from him that night.

“I … I wanted you to come … and kill him for me. I prayed to God that you would come save me.” Levi’s lips quivered. “And then, you did. You were there, and he was dead.”

Yes, but too late to save Levi from being broken. “I hope you can forgive me if I told you at the worst time possible, and if I made … _all of this_ … even worse for you.” His face drew up in anguish. “Like I said, I make a horrible friend.”

“No, it’s … it’s fine. I told you, I pretty much already guessed about you. You weren’t exactly subtle about it.”

Eren smiled bitterly. “And here I thought I was good at hiding my feelings.”

“You’re shit at it.”

“Then it’s just like when I was a child and my friends figured out I was homosexual just by seeing how I stared at some boys.”

“Exactly. Your face is too honest.” Levi stared forward in the cold, stone room. “You better learn to hide better. I wouldn’t want you to be discovered and killed.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing you’ll be leaving on Saturday. I can go back to focusing on being a soldier and not constantly thinking about how to escape early from a meeting to come here and see you.”

Levi pulled himself up and returned to the bench. When he sat down, he was much closer to Eren. “Do you … Do you think about me a lot?”

Eren looked ready to cry. “Constantly!”

Levi still shook inside from the memories of that painful humiliation. His hand trembled as it reached out, but when it fell upon Eren’s hand, he grasped tightly, as if to hold on for dear life, needing someone there next to him to pull him out of the abyss. He muttered, so quietly that the words barely made it out of his mouth, “I wish I could have experienced what it was like to be loved by a man, before I experienced what it was like to be raped by a man.”

Eren felt his heart shatter at that fragile confession. His arms began to move on instinct, but he forced them back. “Be honest if this is too much, if you don’t want it, but … may I simply hold you? I promise not to do anything weird—”

Levi did not even let him finish. He grabbed around Eren, almost tackling him back with the force. He buried his face into the uniform as his whole body shook from the nightmares and the misery of lost possibilities. He wanted to apologize to Eren for being broken, for having that happy dream of the future ripped away from him, for being weak and overpowered and _so fucking helpless_. He knew it was not his fault, but he still felt guilty. He would never be able to give Eren the love he deserved.

Eren wrapped Levi up into his arms, almost crushing him, as if to squeeze out all the darkness of the past. He stroked his fingers through the black hair and planted a little kiss on top of his head. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered as tears slid down his cheeks.

Minutes passed in silence with only Levi’s occasional ragged breaths breaking the peace. Eren wanted to protect him, and now that meant getting him away from here. For now, he wanted to always remember this feeling of warmth in his arms.

“I don’t want to let you go,” he confessed. “I wish I was a knight, and you could be my squire, and I’ll take you along with me into battle.”

Levi muttered into Eren’s uniform, “I’m older than you, idiot.”

“How old _are_ you? Twenty-five? Thirty?”

“I was born in 1910.”

Eren glanced down and hummed. “You don’t look that old.”

“You look like a child.”

Eren chuckled and squeezed him closer. “Then how about I be _your_ squire?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’m hardly a knight.”

“You were a captain. You outrank me.”

“That was a long time ago,” he sighed.

The French Resistance wanted him purely because of the reputation he had back when he was France’s assassin, known as _La Lame Juive_ , the Jewish Blade. If the British Secret Intelligence Service and Deuxième Bureau wanted him back this badly, it did not take much to guess why.

The last assassination attempt on Hitler failed. They needed something less bombastic, more efficient, something that sent a clear message. What poetic justice it would be, to have the German dictator who despised Jews die on the blade of _La Lame Juive_.

Levi was haunted enough by his past as an assassin, the last thing he wanted was to go back to that life, but to save his people…

Eren wanted to help him to escape, but would he still be willing if he knew what Levi would be asked to do? They would definitely be enemies, and he would be actively fighting to destroy the Nazis.

Maybe Eren no longer cared, or he was willing to ignore the reality of their situation. Or maybe his feelings for Levi were stronger than his loyalty to Hitler.

As Eren quietly caressed him, Levi wondered what he was thinking about. Was it the past? The future? The dark reality of the present?

Oh well. He closed his eyes, and his shoulders loosened as he enjoyed this comfort while he could. He felt another kiss to the top of his head, and he did not mind. A smile almost lifted to his face, but it struggled there, like his muscles needed to remember how to do it. He was glad Eren could not see his face.

Eren whispered sadly, “I want to see you as often as possible. I’ll see about having you assigned as my servant.”

Levi sighed, also feeling the deep loss to come. “Promise me you’ll be safe about it.”

Eren laughed with a bittersweet smile. “None of this is _safe_.” He pulled Levi out a little and gazed over his face, trying to commit every detail to memory. His eyes lingered on Levi’s lips. “I know this is asking too much, but I might never get another chance. May I kiss you?”

Levi glared. “You’re right. That is asking too much.”

Eren flinched and pulled back. “I’m sorry.”

Levi wanted to stay firm on this. He could not shake the fact that this was a _man_. Kissing him was dangerous. However, after how kind Eren had been to him, after letting him gather food, after offering to help him to escape, and the fact that they would be separated and possibly never see one another again, he rolled his eyes and gave in.

“Fine. You may.”

“I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

“I gave you permission, didn’t I?” he snapped.

Eren pouted, not sure if Levi was doing this out of pity, out of actual interest, or at least out of some sense of curiosity. He slowly leaned closer.

“Are you sure?”

Hearing Eren constantly asking for permission, after the nightmarish forcefulness of a week ago, was the sort of soothing balm his heart needed. “Permission granted, lieutenant.”

He saw the surge of wistful hope in Eren’s eyes. Seriously, his face was way too honest. Then Eren leaned in, closed his eyes, and their lips met.

The kiss was awkward, nervous, and the arms holding him were clumsy. If Eren had closed himself off to love all these years, it meant he had not kissed someone since those childhood experiments with his friends. Levi realized, these immature kisses really were like a child just learning how to kiss.

Part of him wanted to show Eren what a real kiss was like. Another part admonished himself. _A real kiss?_ Seriously, they could _both_ be killed if anyone saw—but still, he did not pull away.

Levi finally realized what was so weird. Eren was merely pressing their lips together, top and bottom lips aligned, and their noses were in the way. Frustrated by the novice mistake, Levi pulled back and took Eren’s cheeks to hold him still.

“Like this, idiot.”

He forced his head to tilt sideways, and Levi aligned their mouths properly so their noses did not smash together. Now, their lips fit nicely. Eren gasped at the new experience. This was immensely better!

Levi pulled back, still looking aloof. “If you’re going to kiss someone, do it right.”

Eren burst out in a smile. Levi would only tell him this if he actually liked being kissed. He leaned in again, tilting his head this time, and gave him a stronger, fuller kiss.

Much better! Not that Levi was comfortable with the idea of a man kissing him like this, but at least they felt like real kisses. Then suddenly, Levi felt Eren’s mouth capture his lower lip and give it a soft tug.

Something shot through his body, straight down to his groin. Against his will, a small moan escaped his throat, only to be choked back.

Eren pulled away with a coy smirk. “Like that?”

Damn him for kissing so good so quickly!

Eren chuckled at the blushing scowl on Levi’s face. So cute! Not that he would ever tell him that. He tried it again, bolder now, capturing Levi’s mouth and nibbling his lower lip. He had seen soldiers kissing like this, and he wanted to try all the things he had only witnessed.

Levi now closed his eyes, succumbing to the familiarity of passion. It had been so, so long since he was kissed like this. There was a bitterness to the memories it evoked, but also a warmth from simply knowing someone felt this way for him, no matter what gender or what uniform that person wore.

Eren’s hands grew bolder, pulling Levi in closer, clawing into his shoulders, although they were still untrained and awkward movements, like he was trying to mimic what he had seen others do. Levi held still, letting him do as he pleased, although he did not return any of it. He was still unsure, but he did not mind the warm feeling it gave him. Part of him was even growing to enjoy this.

He could _feel_ the passion in Eren’s groping hands. This was passion _for him_. After all the beatings, whippings, scars, losing his fertility, and enough violence for a lifetime of nightmares, he never thought any person would fall in love with him again. So while he was conflicted, it felt nice to be wanted. In a world that wanted to kill him, this man wanted to love him.

He began to relax into it, letting himself press up closer to Eren. He laid one hand on Eren’s thigh and gave it a squeeze.

“Levi…”

He shivered at Eren’s quiet moan. When was the last time someone whispered his name so tenderly?

Then suddenly Eren’s mouth aimed for Levi’s neck, giving a kiss there that almost felt like a bite. That shocked Levi, and he shoved Eren away.

“No! That … That’s enough.” He rubbed the moistness off his neck and cringed as he tried to calm himself.

“Sorry,” Eren whispered. “I guess I got a little excited.”

Levi glanced down and saw that, indeed, Eren’s uniform trousers clearly showed just how _excited_ he was. “From just a kiss? You really are a little boy.”

“You’re not much better, _old man_.”

Levi hissed in shame and looked away. He did not even want to look and see how Eren had stirred him up.

With his eyes on that slight bulge that had formed in Levi’s trousers, Eren’s hand inched forward. “I could help you with—”

Levi slapped the hand back. “Don’t you fucking touch me!” After shouting it, he forced his instincts back down. This was Eren. He would never be cruel.

Eren looked down in guilt. “I’m sorry.”

Levi cursed under his breath. How could this German soldier look like a hurt puppy? It wasn’t fair! “I’m … I’m not ready for that.”

“I understand. I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Eren scooted away, but now Levi felt like there was a huge distance between them. Maybe he should have left Eren with those childish kisses. It was dangerous to teach him more.

Eren pouted, worried if he had offended Levi. “Do you want me to leave, or do you want to help me more today? I promise, I won’t even touch you.”

Levi was still trying to calm his mind, but he knew one thing: he did _not_ want to return to the dungeon. “I’ll come with you. Just give me a moment. I need to take a shit.”

“Oh! Uh, okay. You could probably use the toilet in my house.”

“If I have to walk all the way across the village first, I’ll end up constipated. Just give me a few minutes of privacy.”

“Sure. I’ll be at the top of the stairs.” Awkwardly, Eren took the basket of food and walked away.

Levi returned to the dungeon and pulled out his toilet bucket. He yanked his belt loose, dropped his trousers, but looked down at the half hard arousal.

“ _Putain! Pourquoi doit-il être si mignon?_ ” Fuck! Why must he be so cute?

* * *

Eren smoked another cigarette as he waited for Levi. He was taking a while, but Eren wanted to respect his privacy. After pushing his limits like that, it was the least he could do.

Finally, Levi came up the stairs, but he refused to look Eren in the face. That was probably for the best now. They had to be careful. Eren forced the basket into Levi’s hands.

“ _Folg’ mir_.” Follow me.

Levi was glad for a little more walking and fresh air. As they walked through the village, he happened to see one of the Jewish women. She looked surprised to see Levi out, but smiled when she saw whom he was following.

Eren probably did not realize just how much the whole Jewish group had come to admire him. He was practically their savior.

Eren kept his pace brisk, snapping into salute as he passed by soldiers. Levi shuffled along behind him, keeping his head down. He wondered if they were heading anywhere in particular, but soon he realized that all they had done was make a loop around the village.

“Are you on patrol?” he asked softly.

“No,” said Eren. “I just thought you’d like to walk. Do I need to go slower?”

“Maybe a little,” Levi admitted with a contrary grumble. “I haven’t been able to walk around much for a week. My legs are out of shape.”

“I figured as much. Let me know when you’re tired.”

“Can … Can I see where you buried Moses?”

Eren slowed down and glanced at him with deep pity that he knew he could not show on his face. “I’m afraid not. Because it’s outside of the village, it would be suspicious to take you out there.”

Levi frowned, but he realized Eren was right.

Eren continued, but now his eyes were narrow as he made up a plan of action. “Follow me.”

He sharply turned to the side, and Levi scrambled to follow the new direction. After a few minutes, they reached the house Eren had taken over, and the lieutenant entered with a bold declaration.

“Your commanding officer returns with a gift. Hey Thomas, are you here?”

Thomas rushed in from the kitchen. “I can already smell those onions and apples. Lieutenant, you’re the best!”

Eren motioned Levi to take the basket to the kitchen. All the soldiers who were in the house followed to see what food they got.

“Why didn’t you get more apples?” Thomas cried out.

Eren replied, “It’s barely the season, unless you want unripened fruits.” Damn, maybe he should have made sure to pick enough apples for all the Jews _plus_ all of his men.

“Connie! Don’t you _dare_ eat that carrot! Oh hey, these are already washed.”

Eren shrugged. “Yeah, I figured I’d have the Jew wash them while he was there.”

Franz had been picking up an onion, but he dropped it with a sneer. “The _Jew_ washed them? Thomas, you better wash all of these again.”

Thomas retorted, “If you’re so picky, _you_ wash them.”

Eren called out, “Arlelt, Kirschtein, I need you both. Connie, you better not eat the food. Thomas, you have permission to punish him if he does.”

“Hey!” Connie yelled. “I’m ranked higher than him.”

“Which means you should know better than to argue with an officer. Hands off the food!” He looked down to Levi and whispered in English, “Let’s go. I don’t want you to stay here for too long.” He glared toward the kitchen. “I didn’t realize Franz hated Jews so much.”

Levi shrugged. “Isn’t that normal?”

Eren hated to admit that it was. He waved Armin and Jean to follow him. Levi kept close as Eren left the house and walked briskly through the village. Armin and Jean said nothing, although they both quickly guessed where they were going when Eren began to head toward the field of wildflowers. A soldier on patrol looked startled to see the _Leutnant_ marching by with an _Unteroffizier_ , an _Obergefreiter_ , and a boyishly small civilian man who kept his head down like a beaten slave. The four continued out into the field to where there was a dirt mound. Small white stones had been shaped into the letter M atop of the grave.

Armin shrugged apologetically. “ _Entschuldigung, aber das ist das Beste, was wir tun konnten._ ”

Eren translated, “He said, sorry but that’s the best we could do.”

“Tell him I’m grateful.”

“I will. Stay low, and be quick. We can’t stay here long.”

Levi crouched, trying to stay under the height of the wild grasses, and immediately began to recite a Hebrew prayer.

Jean blurted out, “ _Was ist denn los, Jäger?_ ” So what’s going on, Jäger?

He glanced cautiously around, and although they were far from the village, he still kept his voice to a whisper. “I need your help. I want to get the Jews out of here.”

Instantly, Armin grinned. Eren knew he would support this idea. Jean however scowled.

“You’re going to let him escape? Then why bring us?”

“Not just him. All of them.”

“That’s insane. The captain will have your head.”

“I would rather be demoted or even court-martialed than let those women be raped again. Or do you plan to first let them be raped, and then avenge their honor?”

That shut Jean up; Eren knew it would.

“I can help plan something,” Armin said eagerly. “I’ve thought of twenty-seven ways to release them without anyone knowing until it’s too late. Their bathing time down by the river is the easiest.”

“I was thinking the same thing, but this plan must also look like we were overwhelmed by an enemy force.” Eren reluctantly realized, if Krista brought any _friends_ to help, they might honestly be outnumbered.

“We’ll be killed for this,” Jean warned. “We’ll be sent to the labor camps in their place.”

“I will take full responsibility.” Eren looked down at Levi, who was still in the middle of his prayer. “As a Christian, it’s my moral obligation to help. As a _human_ , I cannot allow them to continue to suffer.”

Jean shook his head. “Fine, I’m in, but I don’t want to know the details. Don’t even mention it again to me. As far as anyone is concerned, I know nothing about this. I’ll simply not stop you, but _you’re_ taking the blame, Jäger.”

“Yes, I am.” Then he felt a smile of relief melt onto his face. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” Jean warned. “I will stand by and do nothing if the captain decides to execute you for this.”

Armin chuckled. “No you won’t, because you’ll be worked into my plan on how to break him out just before the execution.”

Eren laughed. “We’ve been through so much together. I know I can trust you two if this all goes wrong.” He looked over to Levi as he rose from the grave and told him in English, “They’ll help.”

Levi bowed his head to the two men. “ _Merci._ ”

Jean pointed a finger into Levi’s chest. “ _Sehen Sie zu, daß diese Frauen nie wieder für den Rest ihres Lebens leiden._ ”

Eren translated, “He says, see to it that these women never suffer again for the rest of their lives.”

Levi nodded in agreement.

Jean looked angry, but satisfied. “I can’t stop thinking about how those women must have suffered for months, and we didn’t even know it was happening. There are some soldiers in the Wehrmacht who deserve a bullet to the head.”

“Save your bullets for the British. Now, we better hurry back. I’m not certain that Thomas _won’t_ kill Connie for eating something. I have to lock the Jew back in his cell, and I have a meeting with the other officers this evening, but I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

“Be safe, Eren,” Armin warned.

They walked back to the village, and the group parted ways. Unburdened by the basket, Eren and Levi walked along the street. Eren even returned to the garden, simply strolling along the paths now. He wanted to waste time, to give Levi as much chance at fresh air and sunshine as he could.

Eren passed by a gardenia bush and picked one of the white flowers. He continued to sniff the flower as they walked along.

“Eren?” Levi whispered after almost an hour slowly circling the garden. “As nice as this is, I’m tired.”

Eren quietly turned back to the main entrance. They returned to the dungeon, and Levi dropped face-down into his pillows. What an emotionally draining day! He hated that the pillows still smelled like Moses.

Then suddenly, he smelled something floral. He raised his head to see the gardenia next to him.

“For you,” Eren said with a bashful smile.

Levi buried his face into the pillow so Eren could not see it turning red. “What idiot gives a man flowers?” He realized, he had said a similar thing when Eren gave him chocolates. “Don’t you dare treat me like a woman.”

Eren smiled to himself. “I would never give a woman flowers.” He bit his lip and looked aside. “I figured, this way, you have something nice to smell while you’re stuck down here. You can throw it away, if you want.” Eren left the cell and locked the prison door. “If … If you want anything more, let me know.”

Levi’s eyes shot up to him. What precisely was he offering? By the timid smile, it was obvious that Eren was suggesting much more than medication, food, or even flowers. Levi slumped his head back down into the bed with a groan.

Eren tried to stretch back in, but his arm was not long enough to reach Levi’s head, and he had already locked up the prison. He pulled back with a sad expression. “I’ll try to be around later.” With that, he walked out of the dungeon.

Levi listened to those heeled boots marching away. He stared ahead at the faces that constantly haunted him: Petra’s brave eyes just before she died, Moses’ look of horror as he realized that what he had done to Levi was not enough to survive, so many faces, so many deaths, so many voices ready to scream at him in the dark.

Did he have the right to find happiness after all the suffering of those around him?

He looked over to the innocent white flower. He would definitely have to hide this, not just from the guard, but from the women in his group. If they knew Eren was giving him flowers, he would never hear the end of their gossiping. For now, he picked it up and slowly inhaled.

“Idiot. Do you know what this flower means?”

Likely, Eren knew nothing about the language of flowers, but Levi did. Petra had been really into that sort of thing. She had carried a bouquet of gardenias at their wedding because of its meaning: secret love. Their love had been secret up until he married her, and then it was controversial. Similarly, this love Eren had for him had to be secret, because if anyone found out, he would be arrested or even killed.

The same flower Petra used to symbolize their socially taboo love … there was no way Eren knew about that!

“I swear, Petra, you really did send him to me. Fine! So be it. What the hell do you want me to do about it? Fall for the brat?” His eyes lowered, sad as he whispered, “I can’t. Not after _that_.”

Levi pressed his nose into the flower, letting it keep the nightmares away for now, as he thought about love and secrets and the unfairness of life.

# # #

# #

#

_The lines Levi reads at the beginning are Proverbs 3:5-6._

בְּטַ֣ח אֶל־ יְ֭הוָה בְּכָל־ לִבֶּ֑ךָ וְאֶל־ בִּֽ֝ינָתְךָ֗ אַל־ תִּשָּׁעֵֽן׃  
בְּכָל־ דְּרָכֶ֥יךָ דָעֵ֑הוּ וְ֝ה֗וּא יְיַשֵּׁ֥ר אֹֽרְחֹתֶֽיךָ׃

_“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and on your own understanding do not lean. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”_

_If you would like to hear it being read in Hebrew, I recommend this video:_

_It’ll be clarified later, but Levi was not raised in a religious environment and did not learn how to read Hebrew until after his wife died. He knew how to speak Yiddish, but he honestly had no interest in religion or his heritage until the Nazis wanted him dead because of it._

“ _ **using a yad to read the Torah** ” – [Yad](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yad) is Hebrew for “hand.” It is a pointer shaped like a tiny hand with one finger out, used to help read the Torah without touching it. A [Sefer Torah](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sefer_Torah) (Torah scroll) is traditionally written on [vellum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vellum). Whereas pulp paper will start to turn yellow and crumble after a few decades, real calfskin vellum (not that synthetic stuff in art supply stores) has been known to last 800 years if properly cared for. However, vellum does not absorb ink like paper does, so a finger swiping across it can eventually wear off the letters. A brand new, handwritten Sefer Torah can take 18 months to create and cost $50,000 USD. In order to stop the inadvertent destruction of scrolls, the Sadducees decreed that touching the vellum of a Sefer Torah makes one ritually impure. Thus, rabbis began to use a pointer, and by the time of the Ancient Greeks, the same pointing-finger design still used today was being crafted. One would also never touch the yad to a very old scroll, since even that much can eventually damage the parchment. Touching a machine-printed Chumash or Tanakh is okay, since those are deemed non-kosher. Levi is just very strict about fingerprints in books. (I am 100% with him on that one! I once loaned a few books to my dad, who is a diesel mechanic, and they came back with black, oily finger smudges all over. I almost cried.)_

_(46th and Broadway, New York City, 1944)_

_**Biggest city in the world** – In 1925, New York City surpassed London as the most populous city in the world. It was also the first city in history to have 10 million people. It would lose its spot to Tokyo in 1965. Above is a colored photo of New York City in 1944, when this story takes place._

_**Potager** – a French term for an ornamental kitchen garden. Potagers are geometrical with the vegetables planted in patterns or groups, rather than in rows, often with flowers, fruits, herbs and ornamental hedges. The idea is to make something not only useful for the family, but a work of art._

_**The castle/château** – Anyone who has read my novels ([“Daughters of Ashby” and “Dodatrad Heiress”](http://shadowstrider.net)) knows that I have an obsession with medieval culture, including castle architecture, something my husband keeps taming down. “Normal people don’t know what a barbican is, dear.” So I tried to keep my medieval mind tamed and only casually described the castle. The most common medieval castle was simply a tower, or keep, where the nobleman or châtelaine lived, often with a wall built around it for protection. The keep might have as little as one massive room, where the lord slept, ate, and entertained guests, or many rooms: a bedchamber, kitchen, dining area, throne room, ballroom, solarium, garderobe (toilets); as well as multiple buildings near the main keep: barracks for soldiers, stables for horses, an armory, chapel, library, and a dungeon. The richer you were, the more additions you could afford on your castle. Later, as castles became less defensive and more a status symbol, many nobles began to build palaces and country houses, sometimes using ancient designs like turrets, crenelations, moats, and barbicans; more often, they had none of the military aspects that we generally associate with a castle, and were basically just big-ass houses. The French call all of these “château,” but in English that word has a more specific meaning of a mansion, country house, or manor; it is not used for defensive structures, or castles. The castle/château in this story is a blend of the two, a remnant of a medieval watchtower with the newer, more modern and comfortable mansion next to it. The picture above is Tracy House, a 16th century manor, but with the little section on the side that looks a bit different, that was basically how I imagined this French “castle” to look like. Honestly, it would be even smaller than this. It was a small village, after all._

_**Nazis were anti-smoking** – I had thought Eren being a chain smoker worked to place this in the 1940s, but I was corrected. The Third Reich had an anti-smoking public health campaign, prompted by German research in 1939 and the world’s first epidemiological, case-control study, which showed a link between tobacco smoking and lung cancer. The Reich sought to produce fit and healthy soldiers, and to “preserve the racial health of the Volk.” Hitler himself banned any smoking in his presence, never drank hard liquor (he occasionally sipped wine), and in 1942 he claimed he was a strict vegetarian, using graphic descriptions of animal cruelty to dissuade anyone he was dining with from consuming meat. Although he tried to promote his anti-smoking, teetotaling, vegan lifestyle throughout the country, it was never enforced. So while Germans had begun to think of smoking as unhealthy, plenty of people (like Eren) continued to smoke despite knowing the dangers._

_**Gardenias** – In the Victorian Age [language of flowers](https://www.flowermeaning.com/gardenia-flower-meaning/), gardenias mean “secret love” or to tell a person “you’re adorable.” Because of their white color, they also represent the purity of one’s feelings. They are common flowers in wedding bouquets._


	21. Dots and Dashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When communications break down, the Germans turn to old-fashion tech, and Levi is called back into action to translate to an old telegraph operator named Dot.

The next day, Levi rejoined his fellow Jews, being forced out of the prison before sunrise, hit to walk faster if the person in front of him was too slow, beaten for not working harder, slaving away in the rain on a nearly-empty stomach, given only a bowl of watery soup late at night, and then shoved back down into the dungeon for a few hours of sleep.

Levi bravely put up with the cruel bullying. He heard plenty of sneers and got kicked more than once. As much as he knew he could have killed these soldiers, for the sake of his companions, he just clenched his jaw and dealt with it. If Krista was right, he would be out of this any day now, and these Germans would hopefully all die at the hands of the incoming Allies.

Only, he hoped some of them survived.

Armin rescued him from bullies once, smiling kindly to him and asking in broken French if he was okay. Another time, a group of soldiers started to gang around Levi, pushing him to and fro. Just as Levi was truly losing his patience and ready to lash out, Jean stomped up, shouted at the soldiers to get back to their posts, and quietly told Levi “ _Fais gaffe, idiot._ ” Watch out, idiot.

During this time, Levi did not see Eren. He hoped the young lieutenant was smart enough to kiss that bug-eyed captain’s ass, anything to not be on his bad side when it was reported that Eren lost all sixteen Jews.

Upon returning to his cell after that first rough day back, drenched to the bone and exhausted, Levi collapsed onto his cot, only to hurt his head as it landed on something hard. He reached under his pillow, where he found another gardenia flower (slightly crushed now) and a carrot. All the other Jews were astonished by the miraculous appearance of more food. Levi smiled to himself, knowing this was once again Eren doing whatever he could to help them out. They had to eat long after lights-out so no one heard the sounds of them biting into crisp vegetables, but it was some solid food to fill their stomachs.

That night, Levi went to sleep with the gardenia still under his pillow, filling his nose with a pleasant scent and calming his dreams into fantasies of gardens.

As he worked, Levi listened to the chatter around the village, trying to hear any news of the war. Brussels, Kortenberg, and Leuven were freed by the British. Chalon-sur-Saône was liberated by the French. Canada freed the ports of Dieppe and Saint-Valery-en-Caux. The Polish liberated Ypres. Finland severed their relations with Germany and agreed to a ceasefire with the Soviet Union. As the Allies began to sweep over France, leaders of the Vichy Régime fled to Germany.

The Axis was rapidly losing ground to the Allies. While the news was good for him as a Frenchman, he knew it was putting the Germans into a panic. As a Jew, that meant his survival was getting more and more precarious with every passing day.

* * *

It was late when Eren came back into the house he had commandeered for the closest members of his platoon. He tossed off his peaked cap, shook out his rain-drenched coat, and gave a long, exhausted sigh. Officer meetings with Kitz Woermann were becoming unbearable.

“I seriously need beer!”

Most of his men were already asleep for the night, and he wished he could join them. First, alcohol. Beer, wine, something, anything.

He saw Armin with a map spread out on the kitchen table. He had his field radio next to him with his headphones on, and set up near the table was a huge new antenna, something he had been building during his free time. Eren had seen Armin working on it for weeks, slowly trading with the locals for bits of wire and metal parts.

“Anything interesting?”

Armin did not even look up from his map, his face pinched with concentration. With those headphones on, Eren wondered if he could even hear him. As Eren walked by, Armin put a hand on his ear, pressed the headphones closer to make out whatever he was hearing, adjusted a knob on the radio, closed his eyes to hear better, and then made a mark on his map with a few notes scribbled down.

Eren ignored him, searched around the kitchen, and found a bottle of wine. Always wine here! He could not wait to have a huge stein of Lagerbier, Dunkles, Pils, Weißbier, at this point he would take _any_ sort of beer! He poured the wine into a metal cup and took a sip, only to flinch. Too sweet!

He wondered if Levi would like this sort of wine. Maybe he could sneak a bottle and share it with him.

Their plan to release the Jews on Saturday was ready. Armin said he met with Krista and two other French women named Sasha and Ymir, and he gave them his ideas. Although Krista had to work as a translator between German and French, they made what would be a foolproof plan. Eren might still be forced to take responsibility, but as an officer, he was determined to accept that burden.

He had been busy, but he wanted to see Levi again, to say goodbye to him … privately! They would not have the opportunity on Saturday, and he wanted to kiss Levi one last time.

His kisses were sweeter than any French wine.

“Eren?”

Armin’s voice was quiet and a little shaky. Eren saw how he looked at the map, like staring at a picture of a ghost.

He pushed aside private fantasies and walked over. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen the latest maps of the front?”

“Yes, just now in the officer’s meeting. _Hauptmann_ Woermann was raving because _Leutnant_ Schultz’s platoon was on patrol, and a few of his men thought they saw dust clouds to the east that could have been an army, but no one went to check on it. Woermann declared the entire platoon should be shot. It took both me and _Oberleutnant_ Dietrich to calm him down.”

“To the east?” Armin said, growing more nervous. “Earlier today, I went to headquarters and copied the lines on the main map, where the Western Front is now. _Leutnant_ Schultz was there, and he let me see the latest intel from Berlin.”

Eren muttered into his cup of wine, “Probably trying to figure out what his men saw.”

Armin pointed to one set of lines drawn on his map. “We’re here,” he said, his finger resting on a spot in northern France near the Belgian border, a village so small, it was not even marked with a name. “According to the map at headquarters, the Allies are at least seventy kilometers south.” He pointed to a line he had drawn earlier with the date on the side. “However, this afternoon I pulled out the field radio to test out my new antenna.”

“What even is that?” asked Eren, looking at the pole with parallel metal bars. Armin constantly surprised him with his hidden genius.

“A Yagi-Uda antenna. The Japanese invented it. I saw a _Funkenwagen_ in Paris that had this sort of antenna, and I talked to the Nachrichtentruppe controlling it. Basically, it directs the radio waves to one direction, rather than spreading out like a rock tossed into a pond, so you can reach a farther distance.”

“You saw it once, and you built it from scratch?”

“That’s not the point!” Armin said in frustration. “I decided to test out the range by pointing the antenna to Sedan. That’s fifty kilometers away and should be right at the end of my range for a small antenna like this.”

“You call that small?” Eren said. The total size of the antenna was bigger than their kitchen table, although it was mostly just thin poles.

“I figured, if we have to leave and head to Metz, we’d take the road through Sedan.”

“Right,” Eren said, sipping more wine. He recalled driving through the city of Sedan back in May, on his way to this village.

Armin looked up into Eren’s face. “I heard only English, no German at all. I thought maybe the signal was skipping, overshooting the city. Then I heard one American say the word _Sedan_. I couldn’t make out precisely what he said, but like he was _already_ in the city of Sedan. I thought that couldn’t be right, so I pointed the antenna north, toward Givet, just twenty kilometers away. Same, only English radio chatter. No matter where I point it, it’s the same.”

“Maybe your antenna is broken.”

“You don’t get it!” he cried out. “If I made this antenna _perfectly_ , the best my range would be is fifty kilometers. The closest Americans are supposed to be seventy kilometers to the south, yet I’m hearing English all around us. Then I finally caught something, very faint and in only Morse code, but it was German. Verdun is under Allied control. There’s fighting in Libramont. The Americans are almost in Luxembourg.” Armin was shaking now as his finger pointed to a line on the map. “This, to the best of my ability, is the _real_ Western Front.”

Eren gazed at the map. He trusted Armin’s sharp mind, his communications expertise, and his ability to ascertain the layout of an area based on just lines on a map. If he was right…

…they were completely surrounded by enemy troops, bypassed by some stroke of luck by the bulk of the American Army, and now deep within enemy territory.

“Armin, that’s impossible.”

“I know. Why were we not informed of the enemy’s movements? _How_ did they not already overwhelm us? Not today, or yesterday, but _days_ ago!”

“You need to double check this.”

“I don’t have the authority to use the phone at headquarters, and if we transmit anything over radio waves, the Allies could pick it up and tell that we’re German. Schultz insisted his information came from Berlin, but I don’t see how that is possible. How could they be _that wrong_ about the enemy’s position?” He paused, and his pale eyes slowly widened. “He was getting it over the telephone. That connects to a switchboard. Someone is intercepting our phone calls, rerouting it. But why do that to a small company? Why go through the trouble of feeding us fake reports if not to attack us by surprise? Why move troops dozens of kilometers _around_ us, and not straight at us?”

Eren glared at the map. None of this made sense, but there was a bigger problem. “Let’s say this is true. How do we get out?”

“I would need accurate reports. Precisely where are the enemy forces? Are there any gaps? There has to be, considering our entire village was bypassed without a sign of an army.”

“No, there was a sign,” Eren muttered, thinking about the officer’s meeting. “Schultz’s platoon, the dust clouds to the east. That was probably the American army going right past us, and neither side bothered to inspect.” Eren finished off his wine. “Come with me, and bring your radio, antenna, and map. The captain needs to be informed of this at once.”

“This late? He may be asleep.”

“And we may be surrounded by Americans before morning. Hurry. If anyone can plan an escape route, it’s you.”

* * *

It did not take much to convince Kitz that Armin was right. The mysterious troop movement that morning had him suspicious of their intel already. He ordered for all officers to come to headquarters immediately. _Leutnant_ Gunther Schultz had obviously already been asleep, his hair messy, blinking his eyes and slapping his face to wake up. _Oberleutnant_ Ian Dietrich looked just as strict as always, his chiseled cheekbones appearing like they had never learned how to laugh.

Armin showed them his homemade antenna, briefly explained how it worked, and let them hear that there was only English chatter around them. With a range of fifty kilometers, the fact that they heard only English was proof enough that the intelligence supposedly coming from Berlin was wrong.

Ian Dietrich tried the phone again, putting in a call to Berlin and requesting an update of the nearest Allied troop position. When a reply came back in flawless German that American troops were still seventy kilometers to the south, Armin silently shook his head.

His radio could not reach that far. Definitely, the telephone switchboard had been tampered with. Someone, some enemy, was feeding them false reports.

The next question was, how could they get real information? The village was so small, the only civilian telephone had been in the castle, and they were already using the phone line it had been hooked up to. The only other communication devices they had were the platoon radios. Armin’s homemade antenna gave it five times the normal range, and he could only barely receive faint German Morse code. If they were to transmit a radio signal, the Germans would likely not even hear them, and they would be broadcasting their dilemma to everyone in the region. The Americans would realize they overlooked an entire company of Germans, and they would come back to capture them.

Radio communication was out.

Driving to Metz was loud and their vehicles were all obviously German-built. Eren suggested riding on horseback—he had done a lot of riding in his youth—but that would take hours, even at a gallop, and a horse would tire out before it reached Metz.

Then Armin recalled seeing a telegraph machine in the post office. It had been the village’s main way to communicate to the outside world. The postmaster was an elderly man the villagers called “Dot” after the dot-and-dash of Morse code. The German officers all agreed, while not ideal, at least a telegram could reach Metz securely. There was one problem.

Dot spoke only French.

“Jäger,” Kitz barked. “Get that filthy Jewish translator here. We only kept him alive for his mouth, so let’s put him to work.”

“Right away, captain!” said Eren.

He rushed through the dark to a storage room in the castle where the keys were locked away for the night. Rather than take the whole heavy keyring, Eren pulled off just Levi’s key and headed to the dungeon. He had to light a lamp to go down the pitch-black staircase, and he could hear snoring inside the cavernous dungeon.

He stepped inside the room and saw that all the Jews were asleep. He tried to walk softly, not wanting to bother them, and crept over to Levi’s cell. He was sound asleep. Eren paused, smiling at Levi’s peacefully resting face. He so often had that scowl that pinched his brows, but now he looked relaxed, peaceful, defenseless. Then Eren saw the gardenia he had left behind. It was right next to Levi’s pillow, his nose almost touching the silky white petals. Eren was glad to see that the flower gave Levi some comfort.

Eren reached his hand in and caressed Levi’s hair. It was oily—he had not bathed since Saturday and it was almost Friday—but it was still smooth, not a single gray hair, despite how old he claimed to be. Eren yearned to just sit there and watch Levi sleeping, like he had watched him sleep during his struggle with pneumonia.

Levi suddenly bolted awake. He reached under his pillow, pulled out a partially eaten carrot, and wielded it like a knife. He blinked hard, trying to wake himself.

“Sorry,” Eren whispered. He looked at what was in Levi’s hand. “Is that … a carrot?”

“ _Takhshet_ ,” Levi sighed, his instincts to attack calming down.

“You’re needed to translate for us.”

He sneered. “ _Merde!_ Translating, at this hour? I have to wake up before dawn, you know.”

“It’s an emergency.” Not waiting to argue, Eren unlocked the door and pulled it back. “Please hurry.”

Levi shoved the carrot back under the pillow and followed. The prisoner in the cell next to him, a studious-looking man with a trimmed beard, woke up and fumbled for his glasses so he could see what was happening.

“Levi?”

“ _Tout va bien, Abel. Rendors-toi._ ” Everything’s fine, Abel. Go back to sleep.

Not wanting to wake up his companions, Levi followed Eren silently. They headed to where the Germans had set up a small headquarters, with the captain’s office, a giant map, and a phone line that only officers were allowed to use. The room was bustling, lights all turned on against the midnight darkness. The voices Levi heard were tense, edged with desperation and anger. Eren had also been a bit curt to him, his stride a little faster than normal. Levi wanted to ask what was going on, but the German captain was busy shouting at Eren. Suddenly, they all turned and filed out of the room, marching through the dark, damp streets with just oil lamps and flashlights to light their way through the rain.

Eren kept his voice low for Levi. “We need you to speak to a man in town with a telegraph. We want to send a message to Metz.”

“Telegraph? You have a phone.”

Eren’s face was grim. “The switchboard has been compromised. We can’t get a secure message out. We have only field radios, and at our best they only reach Sedan.”

“That’s all you’d need, right?” Levi paused. “Was Sedan liberated?”

“Overrun!” he insisted. Saying _liberated_ made it sound like Germans had enslaved France, although perhaps that was partly true. “We hear only English chatter in the surrounding region, but our telephone calls to Berlin all insist the Americans are seventy kilometers to the south. ” He glanced down at Levi. “That’s why we need something the enemy hopefully did not consider, and some civilian’s old telegraph is our best option. We need to know if he has a line to Metz.”

Levi nodded, getting an understanding of the situation. They reached the post office, with the living quarters of the postmaster perched on the second floor. Kitz stomped up to the door and pounded hard. A light upstairs turned on, they heard footsteps coming down a staircase, and a bald man with a gray mustache dressed in a striped nightgown answered the door. Eren guided Levi forward and told him in English what the captain was yelling in German.

Levi told the old man, “ _Ces sales boches veulent savoir si tu peux envoyer un télégramme à Metz._ ” These filthy Krauts want to know if you can send a telegram to Metz.

“ _Oui, évidemment! Mon télégraphe peut envoyer des messages d’Amsterdam à Marseille. J’avais l’habitude de pouvoir dire «et de Francfort à Calais», mais ces lignes ont été détruites par des bombes il y a quatre ans._ ” Yes, of course. My telegraph can send messages from Amsterdam to Marseille. I used to be able to say ‘and from Frankfurt to Calais’, but those lines got severed by bombs four years ago.

Levi turned to Eren and told him in English, “Yeah, he can reach Metz.”

In turn, Eren told Kitz, who instantly barged inside, shoving Dot aside while demanding that he get to work. Levi helped Dot to set up the telegraph equipment. Eren watched Levi as he seemed to know precisely what he was doing.

“You can use a telegraph?” he asked.

Levi’s sleep-deprived eyes turned over to him. “It was part of my job.”

Ah, that made sense. Levi mostly worked solo jobs as an assassin, so he had to know how to set up his own communications.

Kitz was yelling more things, and Eren told Levi, “He says, he doesn’t trust a Frenchman to send the message, plus it should be in German. He wants Armin to send it. He’s my platoon’s communications man. He knows Morse code.”

Levi turned to Dot. “ _Ces sales boches ne te font pas confiance. L’enfant-soldat là-bas veut utiliser ton télégraphe._ ” These filthy Krauts don’t trust you. The tiny soldier over there wants to use your telegraph.

Dot shrugged. “ _Allez-y, mais ne le cassez pas._ ” Go ahead, just don’t break it.

Levi turned back to Eren. “Yeah, go ahead. Break it and he will shoot you in the face.”

Eren chuckled softly. “I know he didn’t say that.”

As Armin sat at the telegraph station and began to tap out a message, Dot waved to Levi.

“ _Viens! J’ai du vin._ ” Come! I have wine.

Levi turned to Eren. “May I wait in the kitchen?”

“I don’t want you out of my sight.”

“I’m wet, I’m cold, and he’s offering me wine.”

“Oh!” He looked at the friendly smile on the old man. Just an hour ago, he had thought how much he would like to share a bottle of wine with Levi. Even if he was not the one able to offer it, he at least wanted Levi to enjoy a drink. “I guess that’s fine,” he muttered, a little sad it could not be him offering. “Just don’t leave the house.”

“I won’t.”

He followed Dot up the stairs to the living area of the post office. There was a small kitchen. Dot tossed Levi a dish towel to wipe the rain off. Then he pulled out a bottle and two wineglasses. He poured out equal portions of deep red wine and set the bottle on the table.

“Feel free to help yourself. _À votre santé!_ ” he said in cheers, clicking his wineglass to Levi’s.

Levi took a sip and let the sweetness wash over his tongue. These Germans would never fully appreciate the complexity of a good French wine.

“I’ve seen them drag you around town, translating for them. Many residents here really wish we could do something to help you Jews. I want you to know that.”

“I’m alive. That’s what counts,” Levi muttered. “If it were up to me, I’d slit all of their throats and get out of here.” He paused, thinking about Eren. “Well, most of them.”

Dot smiled knowingly. “That lieutenant sure seems fond of you. He almost looked jealous that I was offering you wine. Looked sad too, like he wished he had thought of it first.”

“ _Putain_ ,” Levi muttered into his wineglass. Seriously, if even this old man could tell that much about Eren, it was a miracle all the Germans had not figured it out.

“Yes indeed, I hear he’s quite fond of you. Isn’t that right, Krista?”

Levi had been about to take another sip of wine when he said that name. He turned around, and in the kitchen doorway he saw golden hair and bright blue eyes.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered in surprise.

Dot chuckled as he finished off his wineglass. “Oh, she’s been living with me this summer, helping a poor old man run errands around town. This house is a _refuge_ , you know.”

A refuge. A safehouse!

“Were you the one tampering with the Germans’ switchboard?”

Krista stepped forward, wrapped in a house robe. “Tampering? What’s this about? Is that why there are Germans here this late at night?”

Levi told her, “What little I gathered, someone hijacked their telephone switchboard and has been feeding them false reports.”

“False reports?” Krista said sharply.

Dot looked over at her. “Sasha was going off the German reports. If they’re wrong…”

Krista asked Levi, “What exactly was incorrect?”

“Troop movements. It sounds like the Americans are closer to this village than the Germans thought. _Much_ closer.”

Dot whispered to Krista, “Go downstairs, listen in if you can, but be careful. They’re rather high-strung tonight.”

She tiptoed down the stairs to peep into the main postal room, playing the interested but bashful young maiden peeking in on German soldiers with a confused innocence as to why they were in her house.

Dot hummed as he refilled the two glass, even though Levi was not even halfway down. “She’s really enamored with you.”

Levi glared over at Dot. “Pardon?”

“I blame Sasha,” he said, smiling distantly into his wineglass. “Her father worked with you back in the day. Not me, a bit past my time, but Monsieur Braus filled up his little girl’s head with a glamorous fantasy of what our job was like. Sasha in turn told those stories to little Krista. I think they both see you as a war hero.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I’m nothing of the sort.”

“We always think the worst of ourselves, given what we must do.”

“We?” Levi asked, but Dot merely had an enigmatic smile. Levi held back a tiny laugh. “You sneaky old bastard. How in the world did you slip past the Germans this whole time?”

“Whatever do you mean? The Germans are the ones who came and interrupted my retirement. I’m just a simple postmaster. The mail must be delivered, after all.”

“And you happen to have the only telegraph in town, perfect for feeding information to others.”

“If I’m paid to send a message, I’m obligated to send it.”

“Surely the Germans check what telegrams are coming into the village.”

“Of course. You’ve probably been forced to translate a few of them. _Sunny day in Verdun. The grapes are growing plump. My dog has fleas._ ”

Levi raised his glass to his lips and muttered, “All in code.”

“A simple one. This would never fly past the Gestapo, but luckily the men in this German company are not that cunning.”

Another young woman with kempt brown hair came into the kitchen with a sleepy, upset scowl. “Dot, what’s going on? Why are there soldiers in the house? And are you drinking again?” she asked, sounding more upset about the wine than the Germans. “Who’s this?” she asked, as if just now noticing Levi.

The old man smiled at her. “Anka, my love, you should join us.”

“I’m not your love, I’m married to your nephew, and a man your age should not drink so much. I’d rather not spend my days changing your diapers.”

Dot ignored her scolding. “Levi, meet Anka Rheinberger.”

Levi muttered, “That’s a German name if ever I heard one.”

She sniffed haughtily. “My husband is from Liechtenstein, actually.”

Dot shrugged. “What can I say, my sister married a Liechtensteiner. Little Anka here runs the house more than I do these days.”

“Because you’re an old drunk,” she snapped. Anka tipped her head in greeting to Levi. “Are you the captain the girls talk about?”

Levi dropped his voice. “Don’t ever refer to me as that.”

Dot chuckled. “Bring Gustav in here. We’ll make it a party.”

“Sir, really, you shouldn’t drink—”

“Anka,” he cut in, and Dot kept his friendly smile while his eyes shined with cold calculation. “Bring Gustav in here. We’ll have a party with our guest.”

She stiffened like a general had just given her a direct order. “Yes, sir.” She hurried back toward the bedrooms.

Dot chuckled to himself after she was gone and indulged in more wine, as if to spite her nagging. “I’m getting jealous. All these women are so enamored by you. Sasha and Krista in particular are determined to save you.”

Levi scoffed. “They sure are taking their sweet time about it.”

“You know how it is. Some missions require a lot of planning, setting things up because so much can go wrong. The Germans have been known to massacre whole villages for far less than what we plan to do. Like Oradour-sur-Glane.”

“Where’s that?”

“Little commune far to the south, near Limoges. I doubt if anyone outside of Haute-Vienne had ever heard of it before. The whole village was wiped out earlier this summer just because it was _rumored_ that a kidnapped Waffen-SS officer was seen there. If these Germans knew we were working with a Heer officer to help sixteen Jews escape?” He took a sip of his wine. “Yes sir, that’s definitely something we want to plan with utmost care. It’s why I haven’t even told anyone outside of this village about the plan. Probably should’ve, in hindsight. If I had, maybe someone would have told me that the Germans were getting hoodwinked.” He looked over to Levi. “You know, you didn’t make it any easier on those girls. Krista told us your ultimatum. Everyone makes it out alive, or you will refuse to return to the Bureau. Personally, I’m surprised a retired spy would even _think_ about going back. I agreed to house these girls and send telegrams for them because I happened to already be here. I enjoy my retirement, and I plan to keep enjoying it.”

Levi stared into the red color of the wine and whispered, “I wish I could have enjoyed it.”

“How long were you out?”

Levi took a sip and stared at the rain dripping down the kitchen window. “I left the Bureau in 1937. Three years later, I was running for my life. I didn’t even think that returning to the Bureau was possible. I heard it was dissolved.”

“It basically has been. Everything’s run from England now. You worked with the British, right? Sasha said her father had stories about that too, something about Poland and the SIS.”

“Ah, Poland,” Levi muttered. “Shitty mission. The only thing good about it was the city of Warsaw.”

“They say it’s the Paris of the East.”

“Paris is a steaming pile of shit. Warsaw is a cut and polished gem.”

“Is that so? Then it really is a shame what’s happening there.”

Levi looked over in concern. “What’s going on?”

“There’s been an uprising for the past month. Whole districts of the city are being flattened.”

“I don’t want to know more,” Levi growled. “Every time I hear news about the war, it’s some small piece of European history being crushed by these fascist bastards.”

“And that’s why there are anti-fascists like us, not just here in France, but all across Europe.” Just then, Anka returned with a tall young man. “Ah! Gustav, my boy, come in, come in.”

Levi sipped his wine as the three talked, half of it obviously in code: tomatoes and butterflies could _not_ be that interesting. After a few minutes, Krista came back upstairs and joined in on the discussion.

Levi sat back with his wine, watching the four, and said to himself, “These Krauts have no clue whose house they walked into tonight.”

“Who, me?” Dot said with a good-natured chuckled. “I’m just some worn-out old veteran of the Great War with a knack for communications.”

“Right,” Levi muttered wryly.

It was almost three hours and a couple more bottles of wine opened on the table before Eren came up the stairs. As he walked into the kitchen, he rubbed his eyes like he had just woken up from a nap.

“There you are.”

Dot looked happily flushed as he hailed him over. “ _Bonsoir lieutenant. Voulez-vous du vin?_ ”

Levi translated, “The old drunk wants to know if you want some wine.”

Eren smiled pleasantly at him. “ _Non, merci._ ” Then he looked worried at the opened bottles. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Me, three glasses. Him,” Levi said, thumbing over to Dot, “practically a bottle to himself. Gotta respect an old man who can drink like that.”

“Well, we’re done here. We finally got a message back from Metz: ‘Problem eliminated, try phone now.’ We’re heading back to headquarters. Please thank the postmaster for us.”

“Why thank him?” Levi grumbled. “Do you think he had a choice in letting you in here? You woke up his whole family in the middle of the night and barged in. Your captain would have shot him if he tried to refuse, right?” He shook his head. “Fuck it all, at least I got some wine out of this.” He emptied his wineglass and set it on the table. Then he stood and bowed to the family. “ _Merci pour le vin. Je te verrai peut-être plus tard._ ” Thanks for the wine. Perhaps I’ll see you later.

Dot raised his glass in salute as Levi headed to the staircase. “ _Bonsoir…_ ” He paused and muttered into his glass with a hidden smile, “… _La Lame Juive._ ”

Levi froze at that name, the nickname he had been given by the SIS and Deuxième Bureau: The Jewish Blade. A little stiffer, he continued down the stairs.

Eren looked over to Dot, ready to thank him with what little French he knew, only to see Anka, Gustav, and Krista standing around behind him.

“Krista!” he cried out. “ _Wohnen Sie hier? Ist das Ihre Familie?_ ” Do you live here? Is this your family?

She gave him a playful smile. “ _Mon cher lieutenant, je ne parle pas allemand._ ” My dear lieutenant, I can’t speak German.

Eren held back a chuckle. “ _Ach so. Na dann_ … _merci et_ … um … _bonsoir_.” I see. Well then, thanks and good night. With a tip of his peaked cap, he turned and followed Levi down the stairs, where the other Germans were already leaving.

Krista took a few bold steps forward. “Ah! Lieutenant!”

Eren paused and turned around, but Krista waited until all the Germans were out of the post office before whispering.

“ _Sind wir in Sicherheit? Sind die Juden in Gefahr?_ ” Are we safe? Are the Jews at risk?

Eren sighed and shook his head. “ _Ich weiß es noch nicht._ ” I don’t know yet.

From the front door, Ian Dietrich shouted out to him, “ _Jäger, wir gehen._ ” Let’s go.

He dropped his voice quieter to Krista. “ _Ich muss gehen. Ihr alle, seid vorsichtig._ ” I must go. All of you, be careful.

Eren hesitated, struggling with internal conflicts. He knew, somewhere deep in his heart, who these people were. His company had come here to flush out and capture anyone involved in the French Resistance. They had been told that the town was teeming with Resistance fighters, yet after the fighting ended, the only person they caught was Annie Leonhart. The Germans had assumed the rest of the Resistance ran away.

They hadn’t! They had still been here the whole time.

The proper thing to do was to arrest them, interrogate them, and find out just how many more in town were opposed to the German occupiers. For all they knew, these people had helped in sabotaging their communications, except Krista looked genuinely confused and worried by all this.

They did not have time to interrogate anyone, though. The Germans needed to leave as soon as possible, and they may have to fight their way out of enemy territory. There were no nearby trains to ship these people to an internment camp, and there was no way Captain Woermann would risk the lives of soldiers by bringing partisans along with them to Metz just so they could be properly imprisoned. Like with Annie, they would simply be shot.

The _proper_ thing was to fully carry out their mission of purging every last member of the French Resistance from the village. Yet as Eren looked into Krista’s huge, blue eyes, he knew he could not kill her.

“ _Vielleicht ... holen Sie sich Ihre Freunde._ ” Maybe, get your friends.

Yes, they were likely all with the French Resistance, but what did that matter anymore? If they could help get the Jews out of the village, if they could save Levi’s life, that was all that mattered.

Eren turned sharply. His orders had been to kill people like this. He knew he was going against direct orders.

Not like he ever completely followed what Nazis wanted of him.

They made their way back, and the rain was starting to lessen. Levi followed close beside Eren. “What was all that about?”

“It’s nothing. She was worried, that’s all.”

They continued toward headquarters. Captain Woermann shouted back at Eren, who saluted and changed direction. Levi followed as he headed toward the dungeon. Eren paused once he was inside the castle foyer and shook the rain off his coat. He also handed Levi a handkerchief to dry off a little. Then they continued on to the wing with the older parts of the castle, and reached the stone staircase down to the dungeon.

“I take it you’re done with me,” he said as they went down the stairs.

“We only needed you to translate to the postmaster.”

“So what happens now?”

“I don’t know,” Eren admitted in a whisper. “We need to figure out what’s going on, why we were being fed false information, what the real information is, and plan what to do from there. Worst case: we’re already surrounded and have no choice but to surrender. Best case: the Allies have no idea we’re here and we can sneak out. More than likely, we’ll have to fight between here and Metz.”

They reached the bottom of the staircase, and Levi paused as the truth dawned on him with a wave of sadness. “You’re leaving in the morning either way.”

Eren’s voice was quiet and cold. “Probably.”

Levi heard something, like a sneer or a sob or both, emotions trying to be suppressed and failing. Suddenly, Eren grabbed Levi’s arm and dragged him down the hall to the armory. Levi tripped after him. He wanted to yell at Eren to be more careful, but the lamplight showed the raging desperation in the soldier’s tense face.

Eren burst into the dark armory, yanked Levi inside, and slammed the door shut behind him. Then, without any warning, he pushed Levi up against the wall, and attacked his mouth with frenzied passion. Levi barely had time to register what was going on before lips sealed shut any attempts at protest. Not that he wanted to tell the young lieutenant to stop!

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Eren kissed him again, roughly as emotions poured out. As shocked as Levi was by the kisses, what really stunned him was the sight of tears tumbling down Eren’s cheeks. The arms that wrapped around Levi shook with grief.

“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to _lose you!_ ”

He kept repeating that as his throat choked up with sobs and the pain made his kisses savage and frantic. Levi slowly lifted his hand, hesitated, but kept lifting it to Eren’s head. He stroked the back of his neck and the hairs that stuck out from the bottom of the cap, wanting to comfort the young man as the unbearable grief of separation poured out through those kisses.

“ _Takhshet_ ,” he sighed.

Eren kept giving him kisses, like he had to do it over and over to make up for all the time they would be separated in the future. It took a couple of minutes before he calmed down and pulled back, his chest heaving, his nose red, gazing at Levi with bloodshot eyes and blotchy cheeks. Levi frowned in sympathy as he saw the face wracked with intense misery. He reached up and gently wiped away the wet streaks that glistened on Eren’s cheeks.

“I’m not worthy of your tears.”

Eren snuffled and caressed his fingers through Levi’s hair. He had always loved the softness of his hair. “You’re worth _everything_ to me. A few tears are nothing.”

He pulled Levi in, hugging him and resting his cheek on top of his head. Calmer now, he stroked his hand slowly down Levi’s back, wanting to remember the shape of him, the warmth, everything!

“Sorry,” he whispered, his emotions drained out. “I didn’t ask for your permission before kissing you.”

“Idiot. If I had hated it, I would have kicked your ass.”

“Then, did you like it?” Eren asked with a little hopefulness.

Levi pouted and grumbled, “I didn’t mind, that’s all.”

Hearing that made Eren smile. “I’ll make it back down here before we go, I promise.”

“I might be gone before then.”

“Oh,” he whispered. “I guess that’s true.” Eren realized, Krista and the other members of the Resistance might come to free the Jews before morning. Then this really was goodbye.

Levi pulled back out of the smothering embrace and gazed up at Eren. He still felt conflicted, but he seemed to be making up his mind about something.

“I want to give you a farewell gift.”

“A gift?” Eren asked in surprise. He knew the Jews had next to nothing of value. “No, you don’t have to.”

“For all you’ve done for me, it’s the least I can do.”

“No, Levi, really—”

“Shut up, _takhshet_.” He grabbed Eren’s chin. “And hold still.”

“What—”

Levi stretched his face up and gave Eren a soft, lingering kiss. Eren was stunned at first. This was only the second time that Levi willingly kissed him back. Whereas last time, Levi had coldly been instructing Eren on how to kiss correctly, this kiss was different. There was emotion in it, if only the anguish of a last goodbye. It also lingered long enough for Eren to relax into it and close his eyes, imprinting in his mind this warm sensation of actually being kissed _by_ Levi.

Then, much to his surprise, he felt Levi’s tongue on his lips. Eren pulled back in shock, only to see those narrow eyes glinting mischievously.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never kissed like that before.”

Eren felt bashful and nervous as he shook his head.

“You really are a child. Do you even know what that is called?”

“ _Zungenkuss_. Tongue kiss.”

“What a sloppy word for it.” He leaned in close to Eren. “Do you want to know the English word?”

Eren felt his heart racing. “Yes,” he breathed.

“It’s called … _French kissing_.”

“French?” he asked in shock.

“Maybe the English learned it from the French.” He traced a finger over Eren’s lips. “Or maybe we French kiss the best.”

“I believe it,” Eren moaned, really wanting to be kissed more, and like that.

Levi smiled at that enthralled face. “ _Quel enfant!_ ” What a baby! “For everything you’ve done for me up to this point, the least I can do is show you a _real_ kiss.”

Eren gasped as Levi grabbed both of his cheeks, surged forward, and thrust his tongue between his lips. Eren surrendered to the invasion. It was nothing like the chaste kisses he had experienced up until then. Those childish imitations of adults, merely pressing lips together, were nothing compared to a lustful kiss given by a man who had experienced life’s carnal passions.

Eren realized, this also meant Levi reciprocated his feelings, at least a little. He did not see it as disgusting, sinful, or evil.

Eren grabbed him back, trying it in return, his tongue pressing in until he could taste the sweetness of the wine. He embraced Levi, his whole body wanting to be closer, to feel all the warmth in his skin. The soft, electric sparks of their tongues meeting filled his chest with fire.

Levi let him indulge. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the knowledge that they were about to be separated, or maybe—just maybe—he was beginning to fall for this man. Whatever the reason, he wanted to kiss him, not just be _kissed by_ him.

Levi suddenly grabbed Eren, spun him around, and slammed him up against the door so hard he knocked his army cap off. Then he surged in, kissing him with intense passion. He combed his fingers through Eren’s hair, pulling it with desperation until he heard a growl edged with pain.

This, at least, was definitely the wine. His head was light with a liquid fire burning in his veins. He grabbed the Heer uniform, like he wanted to rip it off of Eren’s body, but instead his hands rubbed up and down his chest, pushing him firmer against the door as his tongue completely dominated the soldier.

Eren let out a soft, quavering moan as his mouth was invaded in a blitzkrieg of passion. He wrapped his arms around Levi, grabbed his ass, and yanked his hips in closer with a fervent thrust.

A bulge pressed up against Levi, and the foreign sensation shocked him out of the wine-tinged kiss. His hands shot out, pushing himself away. Poor Eren was a disheveled mess, slumped against the door, his hair sticking out, his lips swollen red and wet, his cheeks flushed bright, his uniform rumpled, with a pronounced tenting in his gray trousers.

“You’re getting a little excited down there.”

Eren laughed awkwardly. “I blame the French and your kisses.”

“Don’t blame German aggression on the French.”

“You were being the aggressive one this time,” Eren countered. He chuckled, feeling giddy just knowing Levi had kissed him like that. “You give one hell of a gift.”

“Yeah, well, Jews don’t like to be in debt.”

Eren hummed and closed his eyes as his body still thrummed. “I think you repaid _with interest_.”

Levi smiled quietly to himself. “I guess you could say that.”

It took a moment for Eren to realize what he meant just then. He had meant _interest_ as in repaying a loan. Levi had twisted that word into its other meaning.

He had kissed like that because he had an _interest_ in Eren!

He felt his cheeks warming up all over again, this time with bashfulness. Maybe Levi was right; he was acting like such a little boy, smitten and demure. Eren could hardly help himself, though. After all, this was his first time being in love.

They both took a moment to calm down their breathing and their hormones. Eren shifted his trousers and straightened his uniform. He picked up his cap, dusted it off, smoothed back his tangled hair, and tugged the cap back on.

Levi blinked out the haze of the wine. It had been so long since he had anything alcoholic, he probably should not have let Dot keep refilling his glass. It was a miracle he had not gotten outright drunk.

Still, not all of that could be blamed on wine.

“Hey, Eren.”

He finished straightening his cap and hummed in question.

Levi weighed his words carefully before whispering, “Find me in New York.”

Eren was momentarily confused, but then he gasped. Although brusque and quiet, that was a declaration. If they both made it out of here, they would hook up again, and this time…

… this time, Levi was willing to return his affection.

“I will,” Eren swore loyally.

As much as he wanted to kiss Levi again, he also wanted that final kiss to linger on his lips. That had been _Levi’s kiss_ , a kiss of pure passion and not the sadness of separation. He wanted _that_ to be what he remembered.

No other words felt right. They knew what had to happen next. Levi opened the armory door and stepped down the dark hallway, feeling the coolness of the subterranean air on his flushed cheeks. Eren took the lamp and followed him into the dungeon, keeping quiet while the others slept. He waited until Levi stepped into his cell, then shut the door as quietly as possible and locked it. As his hand began to pull away with the key, fingers clasped over him.

Levi’s eyes burned brightly in the wavering lamplight, and Eren hoped he never forgot that look of silent longing.

Then Levi’s fingers loosened, and he pulled back. He had to let Eren go. He had a war to fight, and in the end, they stood on opposite sides of the battlefield. Still, this moment would remain, where French and German, Jew and Aryan, none of that mattered.

Eren looked like he wanted to say goodbye, but he could not bring himself to speak the words. Instead, he turned sharply and marched out, leaving Levi to gaze into the darkness and offer a prayer that Eren would be safe.

Eren went up the stairs and shook his head. Why could he not say goodbye? Why could he not at least tell Levi “I love you”? In the end, no words felt right, so he fled. He regretted it, but he also felt that last promise to one another was the best way to end things.

He could continue to fight with all the ferocity he would need to make it through the war, if he knew Levi was waiting for him to return.

He went through the dark corridors to the storage room where they kept the prison keyring locked away. He had just opened up the room when Armin came running through the castle hallway.

“Eren, hurry! We got through to Berlin, for real this time. The captain wants you in the room _now_.”

Eren did not even bother shutting the door. He began to hurry behind Armin, knowing time was of the essence. He realized the key was still in his hand. He did not want to chance losing it, so he pulled out his silver necklace, strung the key through it, and tucked it away inside his uniform. He rushed after Armin, asking about what happened while he was gone.

As the lamp moved away and darkness swallowed up the castle corridor, a tiny shadow slipped around a corner. Krista had followed Eren in order to discover which room had the keys to the dungeon. It was pure luck that he got called away before locking the door again. Creeping softly, she slipped through the opened door, grabbed the keyring, wrapped it in a handkerchief to silence the clunky keys, and tucked them into a small purse. Then she slipped out again and quietly shut the door so no one would realize Eren had left it open.

Anka had come with her and was still hiding around a corner. Krista sneaked over to join her.

“That was quite some luck,” said Anka.

“I planned to ask him to give me the keys. He probably would have. This is even better. Then he won’t get in trouble.” She patted the purse. “We have what we came to get. Now we need to make a plan.”

“Dot left to get Sasha; Gustav is chasing down Ymir.”

“Chasing?”

“You know she can’t easily come inside the village. The Germans would kill a Romani woman like her.”

“Yes, sadly,” she sighed. “Then let’s get back to Dot’s place and prepare the safehouse. We’re going to have a lot of guests coming over for breakfast.”

# # #

# #

#

_**The Officers** – I stated early on, the company was made up of three platoons and “barely a hundred men.” Later, Reiner and Schmidt arrived with Waffen-SS platoons, but they left for the Normandy Coast. So there are currently four officers in the company: Hauptmann Kitz Woermann, Oberleutnant Ian Dietrich, Leutnant Gunther Schultz, and Leutnant Eren Jäger. (I was aiming for the most Germanic-sounding names in the manga.)_

_**Lagerbier, Dunkles, Pils, Weißbier** – All German names for types of beer: lager, dark lager, pilsner, and wheat beer. I can be a bit of a beer snob. Give me a beer that is a meal by itself and coats my tongue in rich boozy goodness, not some weak swill that feels like a hipster pissing into my mouth!_

_**German officer’s cap** – The Schirmmütze, or peaked cap, was part of the dress uniform in the Wehrmacht. Pictured above is as close as I can get to Eren’s rank and unit. It had an oval wool crown stiffened with wire, a semi-rigid band, and a stiff black visor. Enlisted men wore the cap with a black leather strap, officers wore a pair of braided silver cords, and generals had gold cords. The cords worked as a chin strap on windy days to hold your hat on. (Eren should probably keep the chin strap down when Levi kisses him!) Around the top of the cap was Waffenfarbe, or “corps colors,” distinguishing corps or troop functions in the armed services. In this case, the white trim is for the infantry. Insignia consisted of the national cockade surrounded by an oakleaf wreath on the front of the band, with the Wehrmachtsadler, or Heeres eagle, above; these were an embroidered patch or stamped aluminum pin. Eren’s cap has a pin. (THAT IS IMPORTANT FOR LATER!)_

  
_(Hollywood inspired by Oradour-sur-Glane)_

_[**Oradour-sur-Glane**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oradour-sur-Glane_massacre) was the site of an infamous massacre. After the Resistance kidnapped a Waffen-SS officer, a member of the Vichy Régime claimed to have seen him in the village of Oradour-sur-Glane. A German battalion surrounded the village. Without saying why they were there, they forced the men into barns and gathered the women and children into the church. They shot the men in the legs, doused them with fuel, and set the barns on fire. Then they threw an incendiary into the church to start a fire and barred the doors. When the women and children tried to escape through the windows, the Germans mowed them down with machine guns and grenades. The unholy massacre inspired [the church-burning scene](https://youtu.be/2Py2LZNb79Q) in Mel Gibson’s “The Patriot,” shown above. (For the record, the British never burned any churches during the American Revolution, but the visceral imagery inspired the director.) In an act of instant karma, or perhaps godly smiting, that same German battalion was massacred days later at the Battle of Normandy._

_**Armin’s Radio** – Germany used many forms of communication during the war, including telegraph, radio, and telephones. Armin is the platoon’s communications guy and has a [Torn.Fu.d2](https://kriegsfunker.com/radios/Torn_Fu_d2_1936.html), a field radio that could be carried as a backpack. With a normal whip antenna, it can transmit up to 10 km for Morse code but only 3 km for voice, which is fine for battle but not great when your company is stuck in the middle of nowhere without adequate communications gear and the Allies have hijacked your phone’s switchboard._

_**Yagi-Uda Antenna** – Invented in Japan in 1926, it found many uses in war for communication, radar, and was a common sight for the Nachrichtentruppe (signal corps). A Yagi-Uda is also commonly called a beam antenna, because it directs a signal into a beam rather than spread out in all directions. They are super easy to make, so Armin definitely could have made one from some spare parts. You can even make a [DIY Yagi-Uda antenna out of paperclips and popsicle sticks](https://www.sparkfun.com/news/2320) that will boost your WiFi and Bluetooth range. My husband is a HAM radio operator, and he pointed out that my idea of Armin “pointing his radio at Sedan” only works if he makes a Yagi-Uda antenna. He also gave me the idea of using a telegraph to reach Metz, so I owe all the technical aspects of this chapter to him. [I recorded my husband explaining how beam antennas work](https://chirb.it/5dLBmz). So you can hear his sexy deep voice … and just how annoying my cat is. (Seriously, she would not shut up because he stopped petting her while talking to me.)_

_**Telegraphs** – Although the phone had been invented, telegraphs were still used to communicate swiftly over long distances. Whereas radio was insecure and a letter would take days and cannot travel through a blockade, telegrams were instant. Think of it as “19th century texting.” By the 1940s, telegraph wires connected most cities and towns, and dozens of telegraph lines had been laid across the Atlantic sea floor. Whereas many small villages might not have a single phone, they would probably have a telegraph station. Field radios also used telegraph keys to send messages farther than what voice could travel, so it was common for soldiers, then [and now](https://www.navy.mil/submit/display.asp?story_id=92864), to be taught Morse code. To this day, HAM radio operators can use Morse code to communicate with basically anyone in the world in a series of dots and dashes. You don’t need high tech computers, internet connection, or even that much electricity, and with wireless telegraphs you can communicate with just your paperclip and popsicle sticks antenna! When my husband told me that a secure way to talk to Metz might be an old telegraph station, I knew right away who would run it: Dot Pyxis! Dots and dashes._

\- ⋅⋅⋅⋅ ⋅- -⋅ -⋅- -⋅-- --- ⋅⋅- ⋅⋅-⋅ --- ⋅-⋅ ⋅-⋅ ⋅ ⋅- -⋅⋅ ⋅⋅ -⋅ --⋅

 **Historical Side Note** : One of the most creative acts of Nazi resistance to come out of a POW camp involved Morse code. [Major Alexis Casdagli](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2085116/Two-words-Morse-code-defiance-F-hrer-PoW-stitched-Hitler-message-henchman-failed-spot.html), a British POW, cross-stitched what seemed to be a simple design. The canvas reads: “This work was done by Major A.T. Casdagli. No. 3311. While in captivity at Dossel-Warburg Germany. December 1941.” It was decorated with the British lion, the Russian hammer and sickle, the Nazi swastika, and the German _Reichsadler_ (imperial eagle, from their coat of arms). The prison guards were so impressed by the craftsmanship, they hung it up on the wall of the camp, never realizing the defiant message against the Führer hidden in the design. The piece contains two borders around the national symbols with a seemingly random splattering of dots and dashes. This was actually Morse code. The inner border reads “God Save the King,” and the outer border, repeated over and over in Morse code, is “Fuck Hitler.”

Some heroes don’t wear capes; they wield sewing needles!

⋅⋅-⋅ ⋅⋅- -⋅-⋅ -⋅- (FUCK) ⋅⋅⋅⋅ ⋅⋅ - ⋅-⋅⋅ ⋅ ⋅-⋅ (HITLER)


	22. Prison Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the sun rises on the day of the Germans’ evacuation, the French Resistance rushes to save the Jewish prisoners before it’s too late.

That morning, no one came for the Jews. As they all woke up—not jolted awake by German shouting, but slowly coming out of dreams—they wondered what was going on. Why was it so quiet? Had the Germans left town? Was another battle about to start? What happened if no one came down there to free them?

In his cell in the pitch darkness, Levi sat quietly, staring forward, holding the gardenia in his hands. He had stayed awake, thinking Krista and the others would get them at any moment. Instead, hours passed.

What happened after Eren left? Was he okay? Was he already gone? Oh God, had anyone seen them _kiss_?

A whisper came from the cell next to him. “Levi, what was last night about?” asked Abel.

He thought about telling them, but he knew it was complicated. With the hours it was taking for any action, he had no idea if he should get their hopes up.

“The Nazis wanted me to talk to the postmaster, that’s all.”

“In the middle of the night?” Abel asked in surprise and a little suspicion.

Levi knew Abel was the smartest person in their group. His mind worked a little too fast for his own good sometimes, and he could figure out everything with even a tiny bit of information. So rather than mention the telegraph or even attempt to lie to him, Levi simply kept quiet. Since it was too dark to see, he put the gardenia up to his nose, closed his eyes, and hoped Eren was okay.

As time dragged on, the Jews began to seriously worry. What were they supposed to do if the village was destroyed or abandoned? A few of the more cautious Jews still had portions of their carrots leftover to eat as breakfast, but what about the rest? How long before they starved?

Levi began to seriously worry. The Resistance should have made a move by now, but what if they got caught? Last night, the Germans were in a frenzied confusion. Kitz Woermann was unpredictable even on a good day. What would he do when the company under his command faced a serious threat?

Amidst the confusion, they heard footsteps. Everyone froze. These were not stomping military boots, but light steps, women’s shoes. Then a glow from an oil lamp poured in, and a small woman rounded the corner, golden hair and a pale dress, wearing a white hooded cloak against a dusting of rain that made her whole body sparkle like an angel.

Levi leaped up at seeing her. “Krista! About time.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she said, hurrying in with three other women. “Ymir, the keys.”

Levi glanced at the women. He recognized Anka from last night, and he remembered getting bread from Sasha, who was now dressed in all black with a rifle in her hands, standing guard just outside the door, keeping her gaze up the staircase. Another tan-skinned woman with freckles had a keyring.

“We need to hurry,” Sasha warned.

Ymir went up to Levi’s cell and said in a flippant tone, “Alrighty, Captain Tiny, let’s find which one opens your door.” She began to cycle through the keys, testing one, then another.

Sasha signaled Anka to take over the watch, and she stepped into the middle of the room. “Listen up, everyone. I’m sure you know by now, we had planned to free all of you tomorrow on your trip to the river. There’s been a change of plans. The Germans are leaving town … _now!_ ”

Gasps of fear fluttered all through the dungeon.

A fifteen-year-old girl named Ruth ran up to the bars of her cell. “Get us out of here! Please, get us out.”

“Calm down, and keep quiet. We’ll do what we can. Ymir?”

The tan woman sneered. “The keys aren’t marked. I’m trying them as fast as I can.”

Levi remained calm. “Are they gone yet?”

Sasha shook her head. “No, they’re having an assembly. Even before the sun was up, there was increased activity around the castle, no way we could have sneaked ourselves in, let alone get any of you out. We were forced to wait until now before we could enter.”

In the cell next to Levi, Abel had his studious glasses on, and he sneered in anger mixed with fear. “How could you not know when they were leaving?”

Sasha pouted in self-reproach before answering. “We were going off the intelligence the Germans had received. That information was incorrect, so now we’re both left scrambling.”

Ymir scoffed as she tried various keys on Levi’s door. “Yeah, filthy Krauts ruined our plan.”

Sasha went on, “We have only until Captain Woermann finishes his speech. Let us hope he’s as long-winded as usual.”

“Then what about us?” asked Abel.

Krista explained more. “We came up with another plan last night.”

From the doorway, Anka protested, “For the record, I was guilt-tripped into this.”

Krista tried to smile reassuringly, although it was obviously strained with guilt. “We’ll get out as many of you as we can.”

“As many as you can?” Abel sneered, smart enough to keep his voice low, which was better than others who began to shout, only to have Sasha harshly shush them. “Then how will you decide who gets released and who gets left behind?”

Ymir shook the keys at all of them. “How about, whoever can tell me which key goes to which cell, you get out first, yeah?”

Levi insisted, “Get the women first.”

“No offense, Captain Ackerman,” said Sasha, “but we need to get you out first so you can help us get the rest of these people to the safehouse and to deal with any _problems_ as quietly as possible. After all, with your expertise in infiltration and assassination, you’re the best suited person for the job.”

“Captain Ackerman? Assassination?” Abel looked over at the man in the cell next to him as if he was suddenly a stranger. “Levi, what is she talking about? Just who _are_ you?”

Ymir barked out a laugh. “You guys really don’t know, do you? Not sayin’ I blame Captain Tiny for hiding all that from you. A desperate enough person might honestly believe Nazis would let them go if they sold out a member of the Deuxième Bureau.”

“Deuxième Bureau?” all the Jews in the dungeon cried out together.

Levi flinched. “Fuck! Seriously, keep it down, you idiots.” He glared at Ymir. “And you! If you call me Captain Tiny again, I will slit your throat.”

Abel looked perplexed. “Is that why you used to go by the name Rivaille, and why you know how to fight so well, and does that have anything to do with why you left in the middle of the night? Have you been spying on the Germans this whole time?”

“Obviously not,” Levi snapped. “I got trapped in this shitty village the same as the rest of you.”

“But you’re with the Deuxième Bureau! Surely, you could have gotten out at any time.”

“And left all of you to get yourselves killed?” Levi scoffed and shook his head. “Like hell I’d do that.”

In her cell, Ruth smiled kindly. “You stayed for us?”

Levi mumbled, “Don’t overthink it.”

Ymir growled at the ring of thick metal prison keys. “Fuck! I’ve gone through the whole thing. Why can’t these be marked?”

Levi glanced at the keyring, and his shoulders sank in cold dread. “You can’t release me.”

“Of course we can,” Krista cried out. “We need you, Captain.”

“No, I mean … you can’t. I count only fifteen keys on that ring, and there are sixteen of us. Eren Jäger must still have mine from earlier. That brat!”

Krista gasped and looked over to Anka, astonished and horrified.

The brunette sighed and shook her head. “I knew I saw something in his hand last night.”

Sasha slammed her eyes shut. “We don’t have time for this. Krista, run to Eren Jäger.” The girl instantly took off. “Ymir, open as many cells as you can.”

“Women first!” shouted Levi.

“Fine. Focus on the women’s cells first. We’ll get people out in groups of four. Anka, you lead them to the safehouse.”

“Me?” she cried out in horror.

“Well, obviously we can’t use _him_ ,” she snapped, pointing sharply at Levi. Sasha’s eyes turned to the small Jewish man. “I had planned to rely rather heavily on your skills, Captain. Now we’ve wasted many precious minutes.”

“Trust me,” Levi grumbled, “I’m not thrilled to know I can’t get the hell out of here. At least I don’t have to hold myself hostage just so you’ll get the women out first.”

Ymir chuckled as she was finally able to open one cell and swiftly moved to the next. “Hostage? With what, a carrot?”

“He can,” Sasha warned. “My father told me about a situation in Helsinki. They were disarmed, so Captain Ackerman stabbed a man through the eye socket with a carrot.”

Ymir laughed, “Seriously? Bad-ass!”

She got another door open, and Ruth ran out, taking shelter next to Anka. The brunette looked stunned that the small teen was hanging onto her dress like a scared child. Uncertainly, she patted the girl’s head.

“It’ll be all right. Refuge is nearby.”

Levi sighed and sank back onto his cot. “ _Yiddisher mazel_.” Yiddish luck was all bad luck!

Still, he fully believed that Eren would come with his key. At the very least, he was glad he would get to see him one last time. Those kisses last night … Levi barely understood why he had kissed Eren like that. What was running through his head? He almost wished he could blame it purely on the wine, yet he knew it had been something more. Even now, after the wine was all pissed out, he wanted to kiss Eren like that, just one last time, a true final farewell, and to see if he still felt that fire in his chest now that his head was fully clear. Once he was on a ship to America, he would have plenty of time to think about if he honestly wanted a relationship with a man.

While Ymir worked on opening the cells, Sasha walked over to Levi. “I’m sorry about this.”

“All missions are unpredictable. We Jews have a saying: _Mann tracht on gott lacht_. Man plans and God laughs.”

“Ain’t that the truth!” Sasha looked down at her rifle. “The Germans must have been deliberately fed false reports, but no one informed me about it.”

“Probably for the same reason Dot did not want to tell anyone about your plan to free us. The fewer people who know about a secret mission, the less likely the enemy will learn about it.”

“When it was just the Resistance, we were all on the same page. If we planned to blow up a train depot, or set fire to a building, all Resistance members in the area knew ahead of time, so no one would be caught in the destruction. Now there’s chaos with communication, all these stubborn generals from various countries, each too egotistical to listen to one another. Even the French army doesn’t care about the Resistance anymore. Bastards,” she grumbled.

Ymir got two more cells open. “That’s four. Get the hell out of here, ladies.”

Anka waved them forward. “Don’t say a word, and walk as quietly as you can. Be ready to make a run for it.” Then she left with the group.

Ymir grinned as she moved on to another cell. “Alrighty, do you happen to know which of these damn keys opens your cell?”

“I know,” a teen boy down the way shouted. “I know precisely which one opens mine.”

“No, me first,” the man in front of her yelled in desperation, reaching through the bars and trying to grab the keys out of her hands.

Ymir jumped back. “Whoa, do that and I’ll get you last!”

Levi kept his voice low as he spoke with Sasha. “I hope Dot got out of town. As soon as the Germans find us gone, they’ll suspect he had something to do with it.”

“Yes, he and Gustav left right after setting up the new safehouse.”

“He told me, you’ve been working on this plan for weeks.”

“Months,” she admitted, still chagrined that all that planning could so easily be upended. “As soon as I knew you were _the_ Captain Levi Ackerman, I’ve been trying to figure out how to get you out of here without putting Dot and the rest of the villagers in danger.”

“ _The_ Captain?” he said with a disgusted sneer. “You make it sound like I’m famous.”

Sasha laughed. “You _are_. My father had many stories about you. Agent Braus. Does the name ring a bell?”

“Yes, I remember him. Good man. Is he still alive?”

“He left to London with the rest of the Deuxième Bureau. I got so mad at him when he left, and we all stayed behind to fight. It took me four years, but I finally realized, he’s been fighting every day as well. Knowing I was still here gave him something to fight for.”

Levi glanced at the gardenia still in his hand. “Yes, sometimes you need a good reason to fight.”

“Now he wants me to give all this up. ‘Thanks for risking your life for the past four years while I _ran away to England_ , now you should settle down, start a family, be a good little housewife, and leave the rest to the men-folk.’ I told him what I thought of that idea, in language I had to go to confession for,” she admitted with a chuckle. “Then I told him, there was no way I could stop this operation without freeing you, Captain Ackerman.”

“So, is this your last mission?”

She shook her head. “I plan to continue helping my countrymen until either France is liberated, or until they kill me.” She stood tall with a sad smile. “It would have been an honor to have worked with you, Captain.”

Levi looked at the white flower. Then he opened the cover of the Tanakh, threw the flower between the pages, and slammed the book down. His eyes turned up at her with a fighting glare.

“We’re not out of this yet. A mission isn’t over until you give up hope, and I, for one, have never given up on fighting for my survival. So don’t talk about dying. It’ll bring misfortune.”

Ymir opened another door. “All right, we got another four. It’s gonna take Anka some time to get those women to the safehouse. What do we do?”

Sasha firmed up under Levi’s confident gaze. “Right! Ymir, give me the keys. You take these four. I’ll get the rest of the doors open. Hopefully either Anka or Krista will be back by then.” She smiled at Levi. “Maybe I’ll get to fight with you after all, Captain Ackerman.”

* * *

Eren got very little sleep last night, besides a brief nap at the postmaster’s house. After finally getting through on the phone to Berlin, when they asked for the location of troops, they found that Armin had been completely accurate in his deduction. The American army had already marched right past them, and some divisions were as far as sixty miles east.

 _Oberleutnant_ Ian Dietrich spent half the night on the phone, with Kitz bellowing in the background as Ian plugged his ear to hear the voice on the receiver. Kitz insisted Berlin told him to remain on standby. Berlin insisted they had been given orders to leave a week ago, and Metz should be expecting them. Metz insisted Berlin never even mentioned them. The newly assigned General of the Armored Corps was still en route to France from the Eastern Front, so he was not available. All around, it was chaos with one lingering question which had no answer.

Why did someone go through so much trouble, hacking the communication between Berlin, Metz, and their company, just to have them abandoned in northern France and not outright attacked?

As the cloudy eastern horizon turned a sickly gray-green from the coming dawn, a new map was drawn, as detailed as they could possibly get it. The officers poured over it, but Eren brought Armin over to study the map. The captain shouted why a mere _Obergefreiter_ was even still there, but Ian Dietrich and Gunther Schultz both encouraged him to take a look. They knew, sometimes the most brilliant tactician in a platoon was not the commanding officer, but the drafted soldier.

Armin took one look and immediately began to plot a detailed path, weaving the entire company between American troops, traveling on small forest roads through the Ardennes. Luckily, most of their company had traveled on foot or by horse, with only a few trucks for artillery and supplies. This would be to their advantage now, making them less noisy and able to sneak along narrow roads. The biggest danger was just how fast the Americans were traveling. They would need a scouting party up ahead of the main column, just in case the Allies suddenly shifted directions and moved into their way. Eren immediately volunteered to ride ahead.

Once they had a route planned, Kitz called the entire company to assemble for the announcement. First, he made it clear to all the officers, under no circumstances were they to tell _anyone_ that their communications had been tampered with. Then, despite a light misting of September rain, he stood before the soldiers and gave a rousing speech.

“Germans grew lazy in France,” Kitz shouted, as if it was _their_ fault the Allies invaded Normandy. “We had enough troops to control France, but we were not prepared to actually _defend_ it. Since those Jew-loving swine landed, German troops have been slowly retreating. We keep falling back, falling back, retreat or surrender, over and over, all across France. No more!” he bellowed. “By Herr Hitler’s own decree, the remaining troops on the Western Front are to gather in the city of Metz, where four and a half divisions are digging their heels in. Fifty thousand Wehrmacht troops, all ready to fight for the Fatherland! Our company shall join this glorious battle. It will be one history books shall remember. We are privileged to fight for Germany’s glory! _Heil Hitler!_ ”

As one, the whole company snapped their arms up in salute. _“Heil Hitler!”_

“The Americans move fast, like a cockroach, so we must move faster. We will be leaving immediately, riding with full haste to our waiting brothers. We must stand as a mighty wall and stop those Jew-lovers if the German people are to survive. _Der Mann kann fallen, die Fahne nie!_ ” The man can fall, the flag cannot!

“Think of those back home. Think of your mother, your sister, the girl you kissed goodbye. If we cannot stop the Allies here and now, they will all be raped and murdered. Fight for them! Fight for Hitler! Fight for all of Germany!” His arm shot out again, with his eyes bulging out of their shadowy sinkholes in patriotic fervor. “ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ” they all cheered.

He yelled again, “ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

They screamed back in growing excitement, “ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ”

By the third shout, the crowd erupted into a wild roar, ready to battle the entire Allied army. Kitz stared out proudly, and he said with quiet devotion, “ _Süß und ehrenvoll ist es, für das Vaterland zu sterben_.” How sweet and honorable it is, to die for the Fatherland.

The German national anthem, _Deutschlandlied_ , started up in one corner, and soon everyone was singing it proudly, followed immediately by the Nazi Party anthem, _Horst-Wessel-Lied_. There was a renewed zeal in the soldiers, glad to join the fight again, and this time fighting alongside a real army in a grand battle, not just a small company holding down a tiny village. This was the sort of glory many of them wanted, the life of a warrior that their ancient ancestors thought would get them into Valhalla.

The group began to break up, with shouts from the officers to hurry. Eren tried to turn and rush off, worried about the Jews, but there were over a hundred other Germans in his way. He heard some of his platoon talking.

“I can’t wait to fight again,” Connie said excitedly.

Jean scoffed. “Are you eager to have people shoot at you?”

“I’m eager for anything after sitting around drinking wine for months. I really thought they forgot about us.”

Armin looked awkward. He had also been warned not to tell anyone that they had their communications hacked. It was not so much that they had been _forgotten_ , as someone purposely wanted to leave them behind. “It was an important place to defend,” he said. “This village was key to the French Resistance. That’s no longer as much of an issue now that we lost Paris.”

“We’ll get it back,” Jean said confidently. “We’ll get all of France back.”

Eren tried to shoulder his way past them. “I need to get by.”

Jean at least tried to move out of the way, but there were still too many soldiers around for Eren to break out of the throng.

Thomas gave a long sigh. “Finally, we’ll be in a city where everyone speaks German, the food is German, the beer is German, the _women_ are German.”

Franz looked over in surprise. “German? I thought Metz was part of France.”

Jean shook his head. “France took Metz from us after the Great War. That’s why Germany annexed it back, because it was ours to begin with.”

Armin schooled, “That is historically debatable. Technically, Metz was its own Republic until medieval German princes illegally ceded it to France, then Germany annexed it after the Franco-Prussian War—”

“Yeah, because it never should have belonged to France in the first place. Have you ever been there? Ever seen the German Gate? I have. It’s called _German Gate_ for a reason, because it’s a German city. So forget whatever it _technically_ was a hundred years ago, it’s German. I have relatives living there and around Elsaß-Lothringen.” Jean hummed and rubbed his chin. “I wonder if my aunt is still alive. I wouldn’t mind getting a nice home-cooked meal.”

Thomas looked offended. “What’s wrong with _my_ meals?”

“They’re seasoned rations, that’s what!” Jean looked down as Eren was still trying to edge by. “Are you okay, Jäger? Gotta take a shit?”

“I need … I have something to do.”

Armin seemed to suddenly realize what he meant. “Oh, right! We, uh … have something to do. Right, Jean?”

Jean folded his arms and looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Jean!” Armin cried out.

Just then, a small woman in all white weaved between the soldiers, who moved aside and chuckled lewdly as she passed, eying how her running showed off her legs. Krista finally came right up to Eren, slipped in the rain-dampened street, and landed in his arms. He grabbed hold of her before she fell.

“Krista!”

“Eren,” Krista said, looking frantic but fearful to speak too much.

Eren nodded sternly, guessing she was here to get his help with the Jews. He called out to his men, “I’ll be along soon.”

Connie smirked. “Don’t take too long.”

Thomas also chuckled. “Then again, don’t make it _too quick_. That roast take a while to cook.”

Armin hid a small laugh and shook his head. They were so mistaken, yet he could say nothing.

Eren’s mind was so flustered, he did not realize what they were hinting at. “I may be a while.”

Franz teased, “Yeah, yeah, say goodbye properly and leave her in _good hope_.”

The others snorted laughs at that, but Eren still did not catch on.

“Right. Jean, you’re in charge. Get everyone packed, and prepare the horses to go. See if we can get a truck.” Then he followed Krista out.

The others watched, and once the lieutenant was gone, they burst into laughter.

“That sly Jäger finally got himself a girl!” Connie cried out. “About time.”

“I hope he gives her some thing to remember him by,” Thomas added a wink to show what he meant.

“And a reason to come back to her,” said Connie. “At least for child support payments, if not make her into a proper German wife.”

“ _Good hope_ , indeed!” Franz said with a grin.

They laughed that, at last, their commanding officer broke his apparent celibacy. Only Armin and Jean glanced warily between each other.

“We should help,” Armin insisted in a whisper.

“No,” Jean said, glaring as Eren and Krista broke into a run together. “If he’s going to risk it, too many numbers will endanger the mission. I need to make sure the platoon is ready to go so Jäger doesn’t get in trouble when he comes back. _If_ he comes back.” He muttered under his breath, “God be with him.”

Armin hated not being there to help, but he had to agree with Jean. Some missions were best done solo.

# # #

# #

#

  
_(the actual precipitation map of Europe on 8 September 1944)_

_Up until now, I’ve been basing the weather on old soldier diaries. If a soldier mentioned it was raining, I made a note in my timeline that it was raining that day. However, these were all English-speaking Allies, who might be 50 km away from the Germans, and maybe the weather was different. Then I found a[really amazing meteorological website](https://www.infoclimat.fr/historic/). You can put in any date, and it shows the radar weather report of Europe for that day. So whereas before, I had to hope some American or British soldier wrote about the weather, now I’m going through my timeline and jotting down when it’s rainy or sunny. What’s amazing is that I guessed Eren got pneumonia because it had been raining hard for a few days, and during that time (June 12-20, 1944) **it actually was raining hard for eight days straight**. My timeline had down that Levi goes to care for Eren on the 21st. Dang, that’s kismet! So here is the weather report for northern France on September 8, 1944: light drizzle but heavier rain as they head east._

  
_(WWII hand-cranked field phone)_

_“ **stubborn generals from various countries** ” – Sasha brings up a huge problem in the Western Front, where British, French, American, Canadian, and Polish armies were all racing across France, Belgium, and the Netherlands, sometimes bumping into one another and accidentally bombing each other due to a lack of communication. There were strong opinions, egos, and prejudices between the various countries. Many American divisions outright refused to be under a British commander. The French military mutinied against the Americans and left to go help the civilians fighting in Paris. American General George S. Patton and British Field Marshal Bernard L. Montgomery were notoriously antagonistic of one another, with a rivalry that was headline news during the war, and these two proud, sometimes egocentric military leaders created a massive obstacle in coordinating the Allies. It took Supreme Allied Commander in Europe, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, who had both military genius and political shrewdness, to finally shape up all the various countries and form a cohesive force. Even then, Patton was openly critical of Montgomery’s slow-and-steady approach, which sometimes allowed the enemy to regroup, and Montgomery was openly critical of Patton’s “bust in through the front door” approach, which cost the Americans more in fatalities._

_(Meanwhile, Canada’s sitting there like, “Hey everyone, we took Juno Beach during D-Day, penetrated into German lines farther than either British or Americans that first day, liberated Caen and La Havre, cleared the west bank of the Rhine of German troops, enabled the first Allied convoy to arrive in Antwerp, and, you know … kinda freed the entire country of the Netherlands. Then we realized there was a famine going on, so we gave all our rations and blankets to Dutch children, and got permission from the Germans to air-drop food to starving civilians in Amsterdam, Rotterdam, and the Hague, even though that was technically enemy territory at the time. Just didn’t want anyone to forget we were there too, eh. Sorry.”)_

_**Captain Tiny** – Originally, I had a bunch of cute French slang for Ymir to use, giving her a carefree attitude. However, considering they are supposed to be speaking purely in French here, the random French slang amidst English was weird. Ymir originally kept calling Levi “petite capitaine,” so I translated that to Captain Tiny for some comedic element. (I love Ymir!)_

_“ **Der Mann kann fallen, die Fahne nie** ” – “The man can fall, the flag cannot” was a Nazi slogan. One of Hitler’s more controversial military orders was his belief that there was no such thing as a tactical retreat. From the beginning of the war, he often ordered that troops stand their ground, even if it meant a wholesale slaughter. Many of his generals purposely ignored this command, but as the Allies surged through Europe in 1944-45, Hitler began to insist that surrender and retreat were akin to treason. Especially as the Americans pushed into France far quicker than anyone anticipated (and faster than their fuel supplies could accommodate) Germany realized the Westwall was out of shape, and warfare technology had rapidly advanced. If they wanted to hold the Allies back from a full invasion, they needed to upgrade the defenses at the border, and so Hitler once again turned to the idea of standing one’s ground, sacrificing entire divisions, tens of thousands of men, in order to buy the engineers time to fix the border defenses and save the rest of Germany._

_“ **they will all be raped and murdered** ” – Kitz says, if they can’t stop the Allies, all the women back home will be raped. Sadly, [he was not wrong](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_during_the_occupation_of_Germany). In what is called “[the largest mass rape in history](http://www.renegadetribune.com/how-german-women-suffered-largest-mass-rape-in-history-by-soviets/),” two million women in German-occupied countries were raped by Allied soldiers. With a massive lack of medical supplies after the war, nearly a quarter million women died due to internal injuries after being brutally violated up to 70 times, untreated sexually transmitted diseases, abortions, or from suicide as they mentally could not cope with what happened to them._

  
_(raped German woman too traumatized to stand)_

_It was standard (although not officially sanctioned) that when Russian troops came to a town, they were allowed three days to loot, which included “human loot,” a euphemism for rape. Russian soldiers confessed in documentaries that it was common to rape females[between the ages of 8 and 80](https://english.alarabiya.net/en/features/2018/03/11/PICTURES-The-largest-mass-rape-in-history). When complaints of the mass rapes on the Eastern Front reached Joseph Stalin, his reply was “a soldier who has crossed thousands of kilometers through blood and fire and death” deserved to have his way with a few women. [Men and young boys](https://uncensoredhistory.blogspot.com/2015/07/american-soldiers-raped-german-women-ww2.html) were not excluded as victims of this mass rape. [Even some Jewish women](https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/soviet-soldiers-harass-german-woman-1945/) freed from concentration camps were raped before being allowed to leave the camp._

_The Western Front was not much better. British and American soldiers were responsible for around 200,000 rapes in France, Belgium, and Germany. The youngest rape victim by an American soldier was a 7-year-old girl. Black American soldiers were executed for rape, while White soldiers were merely court-martialed. Many American soldiers got away with it by leaving behind some food for their victims, thus claiming they “paid a prostitute” and didn’t rape a woman. For decades, the crimes against women in post-war Germany went ignored by historians who wished to paint a certain narrative of the Allies as heroes. Even within German society, the guilt of the Holocaust left people with the opinion that “Germany got what it deserved.” It has not been until recently that films like “[Anonyma: Eine Frau in Berlin](https://www.reuters.com/article/us-germany-war-film-idUSTRE49L5ZM20081022)” (A Woman in Berlin) have dealt with the brutal truths of what German women suffered at the hands of the Allies after the war. As of 2020, neither the Russian nor American governments have formally apologized for the mass rape of Germans that happened during and after World War II._

_“ **How sweet and honorable it is, to die for the Fatherland** ” – This comes from Roman poet Horace’s “Odes.” The Latin line “Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori” was etched into memorials for fallen soldiers for centuries, including America’s Arlington National Cemetery. Here, Kitz Woermann says it in German._

_**Metz as a German City** – Armin is right that the [history of Metz](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Metz) is complex, so whether it is German or French depends on what century, or even what decade, you’re talking about. Metz was a republic from the 12th century until 1552, when three Germanic Protestant noblemen met with King Henry II of France and signed the [Treaty of Chambord](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treaty_of_Chambord), where they offered Metz, Toul, and Verdun in exchanged for military aid against Emperor Charles V of the Holy Roman Empire, who planned to wiped out the Protestants. These noblemen technically did not have the right to give Metz to France, since it was not under their domain. In retaliation, Emperor Charles V attacked Metz and laid siege, hoping to starve them out. There is a gorgeous castle bridge Jean mentions called the German Gate (pictured above), where you can still see musket bullet holes from when Charles V attacked. The French army came to their rescue, and when King Henry II marched through the German Gate, the citizens of Metz decided a French king who kept his word was better than a Holy Roman Emperor who tried to slaughter them. After the Franco-Prussian War in 1871, the newly unified Imperial Germany took Elsaß-Lothringen (German for the Alsace-Lorraine region), which included cities like Metz, Straßburg (Strasbourg), Mülhausen, Colmar, and Diedenhofen (today called Thionville; it and Strasbourg will be mentioned again later). Kaiser Wilhelm II constructed many gorgeous buildings made in a uniquely Imperial German style, including the Metz train station that still exists today. In the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, France reclaimed the Alsace-Lorraine region as part of their reparations for World War I. Then twenty years later, Germany annexed it back. Without an army ever breaking their defenses, the city of Metz has changed hands multiple times via treaty._

_**roasts and good hope** – Thomas and Franz are referring to a couple of German euphemisms for pregnancy. “Einen Braten in der Röhre haben” literally means ‘have a roast in the tube,’ which is similar to the English phrase ‘a bun in the oven.’ Meanwhile, “guter Hoffnung sein” means ‘_ _to be in good hope,’ as in you hope for a healthy child._ _So yeah, most of the platoon now thinks Eren is banging Krista. Sooooooo far from the truth!_


	23. Unneeded Tools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a race against time, but as Eren reaches the dungeon, he faces the worst personal crisis yet.

“Do you have his key?”

Eren looked over sharply as Krista said those words and exclaimed, “Wait, you speak English as well?”

“Little. Enough,” she said, her accent thick and her grammar unsteady. “Safer to speak English than German. _Capitaine_ Ackerman, he is stuck.”

“ _Verdammt_ , I still have his key,” he muttered, realizing he never put it back away. The metal key now weighed heavily on the chain around his neck.

“Must hurry,” she said.

Eren heard her panting hard, and as he glanced over, he saw that Krista struggled to run on the wet pathway with her heeled shoes.

“I’ll run ahead,” he offered.

Suddenly, from the direction of the castle, they heard a gunshot.

“ _Non_ ,” Krista whispered in dread. “ _Sasha! Ymir! Capitaine Ackerman!_ ”

She began to run, but Eren grabbed her shoulders.

“Wait! It’s dangerous.”

She pulled against him. “ _Nous devons les sauver_.” We must save them.

Three more gunshots came in rapid succession. Eren was torn between racing to the castle and keeping Krista back for her own safety. He could feel by the way she pulled, if he released her, she would run right toward the sound of gunfire.

“Please, promise you will stay here.”

She still pulled. “ _Non! Je dois sauver le capitaine!_ ” No! I have to save the captain.

There was another explosion, and seconds later Ymir fled out of the castle. She was holding her side in pain and breathing hard from a wild sprint as she raced right up to Krista.

“Pull her back,” Eren warned

He tugged both Ymir and Krista behind a store wall, out of view of the castle, just in case she was being chased. Ymir collapsed against the brick wall, her face in agony, and Eren saw blood starting to seep between her fingers.

“Let me see,” he said, and he carefully pulled back her hand. He tore open a bullet hole in her dress and found the wound. “The bullet struck her waist and passed straight through. It’s too far over to have hit any organs, but she will need a doctor. Do you have a handkerchief?” he asked Krista.

“A what?”

“A cloth? Fabric? Tissue?”

“ _Tissu!_ ” She knew that word and tore some of her petticoat.

“Front and back,” Eren said, helping Ymir to staunch the bleeding.

Krista tore another strip of petticoat to put on the back side. Ymir cried out as Eren pressed on the exit wound on her back.

“ _Le capitaine … le capitaine allemand_.” She gritted her teeth against the pain.

Krista looked up. “ _Que se passe-t-il?_ ” What is going on?

Ymir flinched as she ground her fist into her waist to stop herself from bleeding out. “ _Il a débarqué à l’improviste, et Sasha … elle est toujours dans le cachot_.”

Krista gasped and looked up at Eren. “She says, your captain showed up out of nowhere, and Sasha is still down there.”

“ _Scheiße!_ ” They heard another gunshot, and Eren bolted off. “Stay with her. You, hold her back,” he yelled at Ymir.

The Romani woman squinted her eyes in confusion. “ _Qu’est ce que le mignon lieutenant a dit?_ ” What did the cute lieutenant say?

Krista tried to run after Eren, but Ymir quickly hugged her around the chest to stop her.

“ _Krista, ce n’est pas sûr là-bas._ ” Krista, it’s not safe down there.

She cried out desperately to Eren as he ran, “ _S’il vous plaît, sauvez-les._ ” Please, save them.

Eren raced through the castle courtyard as more shots boomed. Seven shots. Eight, nine, ten. They were coming rapidly now, two different caliber guns. He nearly collided into Gunther Schultz as he burst through the front door of the castle and offered only a brief apology. Still, he could not run fast enough through the decadent hallways as the explosions grew louder. _Bang. Bang. Bang! **Bang!**_ Louder and louder.

As he ran down the staircase, he already saw one dead body, a teen boy fallen right in front of the stairs with half his head blown off. Eren leaped over him and ran into the dungeon, skidding to a stop as he saw Kitz Woermann and Ian Dietrich reloading their guns.

“ _Herr Hauptmann!_ ”

Kitz spun around at the shout. In a fluid motion he flipped closed the top break of his Webley, cocked back the hammer, and aimed. For three heart-stopping seconds, Eren honestly thought his commander was about to shoot him. However, the muzzle of the gun lowered.

“Jäger,” he sneered. “I hope you weren’t working with that whore.”

“What? Whore?” Just then, he saw Sasha lying on the ground, multiple gunshots in her back, with blood oozing across the grimy stone floor toward the central drain. _No!_ There were dead bodies all around, some outside of their cells, some still trapped inside. Eren smashed down his horror. “I’ve never seen her before. Who is she? What happened? I heard gunshots and feared it was the French Resistance.”

“That’s precisely who it was. We caught her trying to release the prisoners. She got five out. I shot them already,” he said, pointing to the bodies on the ground. “Some gypsy barbarian ran past us. _Oberleutnant_ Dietrich opened fire but missed her.”

“She yelled, sir,” Ian Dietrich said stoically as he continued to reload his gun. “That means I got her, she just isn’t dead yet.”

Eren felt his heart hammering frantically. How could these men talk about shooting women so casually? He thought they were honorable men, but what sort of man shoots a fleeing woman in the back? Still, he knew the words he had to say, and he tried his best to speak like a proud Nazi.

“It’s quite fortunate you got here in time, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“Not in time. It seems a few rats already escaped.”

“Some escaped? Do you know where they may have gone?” If the Germans already knew their location, he could run outside and warn Krista.

“Who knows? The females are gone. Those bitches will breed like crazy.” The Webley clicked as it opened again to expose the loading chamber, and Kitz continued to reload bullets. “When exterminating rodents, you make sure the females die first. We should have killed every cunt at the start.”

“But we don’t know where they went?” Eren asked hesitantly. If the women escaped, that was one bit of good news.

Kitz only growled as he rammed another bullet into a chamber.

Ian turned his icy blue eyes over to the captain. “This is why I said you shouldn’t have shot her. We could have forced her to tell us who was the mastermind behind this prison break.”

“We don’t have time to torture someone. I figured, if she knew about us leaving today, it must have been that damn postmaster who planned this. It couldn’t be a _woman_ , after all.”

Eren held still, gazing again at Sasha’s body. From what he learned from Krista, their group was all women, and Sasha was their leader. Kitz really was underestimating these brave ladies.

“I already sent _Leutnant_ Schultz to hunt down that man and kill his entire family. Gotta clean up all the rats we can find, after all.”

Eren felt his stomach drop. He had run into Gunther Schultz earlier, not realizing he was on his way to slaughter a whole family. He hoped Dot was smart enough to have gotten out of the village already.

Eren tried to sound stern as he said, “Then, it’s a good thing we caught them before we left. We wouldn’t want to leave our job here unfinished. The more enemies of Hitler we eliminate, the better.”

“Precisely.” Kitz finally got his gun reloaded and flipped closed the top break. “Which is why I’m cleaning up a shit stain that has been reeking in our midst for far too long.”

He cocked the hammer, and before Eren could say anything, Kitz shot one of the imprisoned Jews. Eren flinched in horror. The Jews had fled as far away as they could, some crouching down behind their cots with their arms over their heads, but they were all trapped. They began to cry out, French pleas of mercy and beseeching cries for help. Eren realized that many of them were looking straight at him as they begged to be saved.

What could he do in this situation, just him alone against an entire company of Germans?

Kitz’s voice was cold as he asked, “Why are you here, Jäger?”

“I was coming to deal with the Jews when I heard gunshots.”

“Oh? Did you hope to exterminate them all by yourself? Did I take away your fun? Join in, if you want. I know you were looking forward to shooting this one in particular.” He casually waved his gun over to Levi, who was still trapped in his prison cell. “I planned to save him just for you.”

Eren gulped down thickly, glad to see Levi was alive. “That’s very thoughtful of you, _Herr Hauptmann_. I’m glad you left his fate to me.”

“His fate is to _die_ , nothing more.”

“O-Of course, sir.” A tiny hitch sneaked into Eren’s voice, but just that much had Kitz almost seething at him.

“Do you have a problem, Jäger?”

He tried to get his throat to loosen up, but his voice was still tense as he said, “No, sir.”

“Then get your gun out and let’s be done with this.”

Before Eren could say anything more, they heard footsteps echoing down the hallway, and Kitz pointed the gun toward the sound.

“Who is it?” he shouted in raging paranoia.

Eren tried to pull away from the direct path of the barrel and looked out the door. “It’s just _Leutnant_ Schultz.”

Gunther Schultz ran into the room and snapped into a salute. “ _Heil Hitler_. I ran to the postmaster’s house, but it was already empty. A neighbor said they saw the family leaving before sunrise.”

“Dammit!” Kitz shot another Jew, who collapsed in a spray of blood. “All these damn rats come crawling out now that we’re about to leave. If we weren’t in a hurry, I’d slaughter every man, woman, and child here just to make _sure_ the French Resistance is purged!” He shot another Jew as he walked down the row of prison cells.

Eren felt his fists tighten in fear and rage as the captain got closer to Levi’s cell. It was dangerous for himself, but he had to say something to stop this. He could not just stand there and watch these people being massacred.

“ _Herr Hauptmann_ , we … we may still need the Jews.”

“No! Jews are never needed. Remember that. Jews…” _Bang!_ “…are never…” _Bang!_ “…needed.”

“Then at least the translator,” he shouted in desperation. “I … I think we … we still … w-we may need…”

“Stop sniveling, Jäger. Like a good guest, I’m cleaning up the village before we leave. As Heinrich Himmler said, ‘Anti-Semitism is exactly the same as delousing. Getting rid of lice is not a question of ideology, it is a matter of cleanliness.’ I’m cleaning up the Jewish infestation in this village.”

“Yes, sir, but is not the leech sometimes useful as a medicinal tool? So too, an insect like the Jew can be useful as a tool when wielded with an experienced hand.”

Kitz lowered his gun and glared at him skeptically. “Are you saying you’re experienced enough to tame one of these leeches sucking on the blood of Europeans?”

He gulped, pressing down his dread as he looked briefly at Levi again. “Have I not proven that I have trained that translator even to remain motionless through something as disgusting as homosexual sex? He is a well-trained pet, whipped and beaten into submission over many months. He follows my orders like a loyal dog, stupid but eager to please his master. The perfect tool, and we still have a need for him. The route _Obergefreiter_ Arlelt planned will take two or three days. We will need to spend the night somewhere, and his knowledge of French will help us to get housing and food for the troops. Once we’re in Metz, we no longer have to worry, but until then … until we arrive … it’s best to keep around a tool until we’re sure we don’t need it anymore.”

That last line made a cruel smile rise onto Kitz’s face. “I agree with you. Discarding a useless tool is only natural, but throwing away a tool you know you’ll need is foolish.”

“Yes, exactly, _Herr Hauptmann_ ,” Eren said with a small sigh of relief.

“However, I’m not convinced that you’re experienced enough to know when a tool is needed and when it is useless.” He walked over to Levi and Abel. They were now the only two prisoners left. He waved his gun over casually to Levi. “What is the use of this tool, and when is it no longer needed?”

“He is a translator, sir. Once we reach Metz, we should not need anyone who speaks French. At that time, he will be unneeded and can be disposed of.”

His gun now motioned over to the other man. “And what is the use of this tool?”

Eren gazed at the tall, terrified man with thick-rimmed glasses. He honestly knew nothing about him, what he did for a living, what he typically worked at around the village. Eren did not even know his name. He wanted to give some sort of reason to keep him around as well, but without asking Levi, he simply had no idea what the man was skilled at.

“I don’t know, sir.”

“Do we need it to get to Metz?”

Eren felt his stomach already twisting. If he said no, Kitz was definitely going to shoot him, yet he could think of no possible way to answer yes. “No, sir, we do not need him.”

“An unneeded tool. How unfortunate.” Then, to Eren’s surprise, Kitz lowered his gun. “I’m reminded of something. Earlier this summer, I promised you the honor of your first Jewish kill.” He waved his hand over to Abel. “Do it.”

Eren felt his stomach surge up. “What?” he breathed.

“We have a tool we don’t need standing right there. Take your gun out, Jäger. Prove you actually are experienced enough to know how to properly dispose of an unneeded tool.”

Eren began to panic. Was he serious? Shoot an innocent civilian in cold blood?

Kitz sneered at the hesitation. “What’s the problem? Don’t tell me you’re _fond_ of these parasites.”

To the side, Ian callously ordered, “Go on, Jäger. No true Aryan would dare suffer a Jew to continue to exist. It is our solemn duty to cleanse the world of them.”

Kitz smirked sadistically at Eren. “If you want that translator as your pet a little longer, prove to me that you can actually pull the trigger when he’s no longer needed. Kill that Jew.” His gun turned to Levi. “Or I’ll kill them both.”

Eren looked at the poor man huddled in his prison cell, his eyes massive and scared as he shook his head in dread.

Abel pleaded with a shaky whisper, “ _S’il vous plaît, ayez pitié. Je veux pas mourir. Pas comme ça. Je vous en supplie._ ” Please, show mercy. I don’t want to die. Not like this. I beg of you.

Eren closed his eyes as his mind ran through scenarios. If he pulled the trigger, Levi would be saved, but at the cost of an innocent man. If he refused, Kitz would shoot both Abel and Levi, and Eren would likely be shot on the spot as a Jewish sympathizer. If he tried to fight the captain, Ian was standing to the side and Gunther was behind him. He doubted he had the speed and precision marksmanship to shoot all three men, in three different areas of the room, before one of them shot him first.

If he attempted to defy orders and failed, Kitz would shoot both him and Levi, and he almost certainly would carry out his threat of massacring the entire village, if only as a lesson to the troops about insubordination. His attempt to save one man could lead to the death of hundreds of innocent people.

If he somehow succeeded in shooting all three officers, escaped with Levi and Abel, and if he was not hunted by every German in the village as a traitor, that left a massive power vacuum in the company. Without any officers left, how would the Germans organize their evacuation? The path Armin chose, although brilliant, was still through a war zone. It could involve fighting, and he was only an _Obergefreiter_. They needed a commander who had the training and experience to lead an entire company through a battle.

If he failed to rescue this Jew, he could doom the entire village; if he succeeded, he would doom his entire company, his platoon, and his friends.

Eren knew there truly was nothing he could do anymore. It was either shoot one man, try to shoot all three officers, or do nothing and watch the man he loved be murdered, as well as end up dead himself.

He was out of options. He truly had no choice now.

He had to save Levi. No matter the price, he had to live!

Even if that price was Eren’s own soul, he would give it to ensure Levi survived.

His eyes opened, cold, detached, staring at the terrified man like a person would gaze upon a cornered rabid dog with no choice but to put it down. Eren took his gun out of its holster, raised the Luger straight ahead of him, and stared Abel in the eyes. He would not look away. He would remember those eyes, knowing they would haunt him for the rest of his life.

A tear slipped down Abel’s face, but he looked like he understood the dire situation Eren had been forced into. “ _Prends soin de lui pour nous._ ” Then he held his head high as he prayed in a soft voice quavering with fear, “ _Oseh shalom bimromav … hu yaaseh shalom aleinu … v’al kol Yisrael…_ ”

Eren pulled the trigger, an explosion echoed through the room, a body thumped to the ground, and a piece of his soul died with that poor, innocent man.

Levi would live.

That was all that mattered now.

“Well done! I honestly didn’t think you had the guts, Jäger.”

His shoulder was hit hard with proud congratulations. Eren lowered his gun. He missed trying to holster it and had to try three times before it fit.

“Very well. I trust you,” Kitz decided. “Pack that leech up with your platoon’s supplies. I swear, though, Jäger,” he said softly, and he strode up to Eren, glaring with those bulging, wild eyes. “If that thing escapes between here and Metz, I have one bullet left in this gun.” He pointed the Webley to Eren’s head. “I will use it on you. Then I will hang your naked corpse up for the world to see.”

He pulled the gun back, slid it into his holster, and marched off with Ian following immediately in his wake.

Gunther let out a long sigh as the tense standoff ended. “Dammit, Jäger, don’t ever do that again. I really thought he would shoot you. He truly might next time. Make sure you kill that Jew as soon as you can.” Then he also left, trotting back up the stairs.

The dungeon was silent. Levi stood still, staring at the bodies on the ground. Eren could not move, unsure what to say. He had killed an innocent man. A civilian! He had sworn to himself, he would _never_ sink that low. He would disobey orders before doing something so reprehensible.

In the end, he was just as bad as the rest of them.

No more! He swore to himself right then and there, no more! The Nazis were wrong. This war was wrong. Hitler was wrong. What he was raised to believe was wrong. As he watched the blood slowly pooling around the man he had killed, his hatred of Nazis and all they stood for grew, and he swore in his heart that he would stop them.

Eren ripped his officer’s cap off and looked down at the pin of an eagle clutching a swastika in its talons. He tore the pin off, and with a shout of rage, he snapped the metal eagle in half. He threw it toward the drainage hole, where it clattered, slipped between the grill, and the Nazi eagle plummeted into the depths of the sewage.

“ _Das … ist nicht … mein Deutschland!_ ” This is not my Germany!

He had said those words before, but now he realized that mere words were not enough, not when he could so easily become as bad as those he hated.

He watched Levi, waiting for some sort of reaction, but he did not move, trapped in shock. Eren had no idea what he could say. The kisses of last night felt like a distant dream. He had been prepared to say goodbye to Levi and live with the anticipation of reuniting with him in New York, where they could finally be a couple. Now, he felt unworthy of that passion that had briefly awakened last night.

How do you comfort a friend who just watched a dozen people being massacred right in front of their eyes? How do you apologize for being forced to kill an innocent man in order to save someone else?

Many minutes passed before Eren finally moved. He stepped over to Sasha’s fallen body, the ring of keys still clutched in her outstretched hand, as if she had been trying to pass them on to the Jews to free themselves. He pulled the keys free from her fingers and began to open the prison cells.

One by one, he dragged the bodies out of their cells. At the very least, in death they should not be imprisoned. He moved the bodies to be on their backs, lying straight with their hands folded over their chests. Then he pulled blankets off the cots to cover their faces twisted in those last few moments of terror.

Through all this, Levi did not move or say anything. His eyes were still on the first person who had been shot.

* * *

“Right! Ymir, give me the keys. You take these four. I’ll get the rest of the doors open. Hopefully either Anka or Krista will be back by then. Maybe I’ll get to fight with you after all, Captain Ackerman.”

Sasha had a look of regained confidence, and Levi also felt a fire of determination in his heart. Eren would definitely come. They were all going to get out of here. Finally, they would be free!

Sasha had just taken the keys from Ymir, when seventeen-year-old Rashad stepped out of the dungeon. That was when the first bullet exploded through the underground tunnels, and Rashad was knocked back, shot in the chest.

Levi stared in horror. No! Not yet!

Chaos broke out in the dungeon as people screamed in terror. Some begged to be let out, reaching through the prison bars, crying in desperation; however, the freed Jews fled _inside_ the dungeon, not out to where the Germans were coming. One even ran back into his cell, as if he could pretend he was not trying to escape and may be spared.

“What are you doing?” Ymir cried out at them. “Get out while you can.”

“They’re coming with guns,” shouted the man who had run back into his cell. “Do you think I’m stupid?”

Ymir sneered. “Obviously you’re a fucking idiot if you think staying in here is going to save you. I didn’t come here to rescue a bunch of fucking cowards!”

“Enough,” Sasha yelled. “Ymir, go. Warn Anka and Krista not to come back to the dungeon, and keep the safehouse locked down until the Germans leave. Dot will help you to get the Jews out.”

“What about you?”

Sasha turned back to the prison of someone stretching their arms out, begging to be released. “I’m going to keep working.”

“Sasha, this mission has _failed_.”

The Jew in front of her pleaded, “No! Don’t leave us.”

Sasha smiled at the man. “I’m not giving up hope.”

Levi looked over at her in awe. In a situation this dire, it was definitely time to give up and save yourself, yet she looked so resolved. She had to know the Germans would kill her the moment they entered, yet she whispered to the person she was trying to free, “Don’t worry. I’m not leaving you alone.”

That was a hero!

Ymir cursed, but she crouched low by the doorway, ready to bolt. As soon as the Germans entered the room, she shoved them with a fierce roar and took off running up the stairs.

Kitz Woermann ordered the tall blond with him, “ _Töte die Schlampe._ ” Kill the bitch.

Ian Dietrich pulled out his gun and aimed up the staircase where Ymir was fleeing.

Levi yelled out a warning, “He’s gonna shoot!”

Just then, Rashad lurched across the ground. Levi saw with a moment of relief that the boy was not dead, although his face was pale and he was panting hard from just this much effort. The shot to his chest had punctured a lung, and blood saturated the front of his shirt. Still, his heroic grab threw off Ian’s balance, and when his gun went off, it missed. He fired twice more up the stairs. On the last shot, they heard a scream.

Sasha spun around. “Ymir!”

“She made it,” Rashad said, his voice weak but a smile on his face. Ian glared down at him, his blue eyes burning in raging hate, but Rashad held his head proudly. “I have no regrets anymore.”

Ian turned his gun to the boy, put the barrel right against his forehead, and shot him at point-blank range. Levi felt his stomach surge up as Rashad’s entire head exploded in a spray of blood and brains.

Sasha turned and tried yet another key. She finally got the door unlocked. “Go, you’re free,” she urged, hurrying to the next cell.

The man had just stepped out, looking relieved to be liberated, when a loud explosion rang out. He was hit in the chest and stumbled back into the cell.

Sasha gritted her teeth, determined to continue. Kitz’s gun went off again, striking her in the back. She was thrown against the bars of the prison. She held on, shaking but sneering as she refused to fall.

“Not yet,” she said, stubbornly holding onto the keyring.

Ian said casually, “ _Wir sollten die Dame verhören, Herr Hauptmann. Sie könnte etwas über den französischen Widerstand wissen._ ” We should interrogate the lady, Captain. She might know something about the French Resistance.

“ _Wir haben keine Zeit zum Spielen._ ” We don’t have time for games.

Then Ian realized Sasha was still holding onto the prison bars, trying to get another key. “ _Sie ist nicht tot._ ” She’s not dead.

Ian seemed to want vengeance for missing his shot earlier, so he pointed his own gun at Sasha and fired twice. She cried out in agony and fell in front of a prison. Her body jolted as blood began to pool around her, but she still looked up at the person trapped right in front of her.

“I’m … so sorry.”

Her hand began to reach forward, gripping the keyring tightly, a final effort to pass the keys on so they could free themselves, but Ian walked right up to her and put one more bullet into the back of her head. After that, her whole body went limp.

“ _Sie ist sehr stur._ ” She’s very stubborn.

Kitz fired two more shots, direct hits to the two Jews who had fled back inside and were standing against the far wall. “ _Wir sollten den Postmeister eliminieren. Leutnant Schultz, töte ihn und alle mit ihm._ ” We should eliminate the postmaster. Lieutenant Schultz, kill him and everyone with him.

“ _Jawohl!_ ” Gunther Schultz said with a salute, and he took off running back up the stairs.

Having gone through six bullets, Ian began to reload his gun. With one officer gone and the other with an empty gun, the man who had raced back into his cell thought he had a window of opportunity. He threw open the unlocked door and made a break for the exit. However, he miscounted Kitz’s gun. He did not get more than a few steps outside his cell before the captain spun around and shot him right in the neck. The man fell, choking on blood, twitching grotesquely on the ground as he slowly bled out.

After that, Kitz Woermann had to reload his Webley. “ _Es ist Zeit, diese rattenverseuchte Drecksloch zu säubern._ ” It’s time to clean this rat-infested shithole.

Through all this, Levi stared at Rashad’s fallen body. Right at the end, he saved one life. He remembered the line in the Talmud, “ _Whoever rescues a single life earns as much merit as though he had rescued the entire world._ ” This boy had done what Levi wished he could do. He died in the most noble way possible.

Could he die right here and now without regrets? As Levi heard gunshot after gunshot, each taking away the life of one of his companions, he realized with cold dread that the answer was _no_.

He did not want to die like this. He had not yet atoned.

Levi’s mind blanked out all the rest as he prayed to God that Eren somehow came to stop this insanity.

* * *

Eren was there. Somewhere.

Levi had heard his voice, yet the gun continued to fire, again, again, again. Then a different gun, a lighter sound, a smaller caliber. Some part of Levi’s brain realized it was a Luger. Some part of his peripheral vision saw Eren with his gun out and a cold, implacable face. He had shot someone. Part of Levi’s brain knew this, and part was struggling to block out everything around him, to save himself from having to deal with the pain.

The Germans left. Still, Levi could not take his eyes off Rashad’s body. Even as the boy was pulled inside the room and a blanket was draped over the bloody remains, Levi’s gaze was locked, not even really seeing anymore, lost in horror.

Eren finally opened Abel’s cell and knelt beside the body. It had been a clean shot, dead center of the forehead. The man felt no pain. Gently, Eren pulled off his thick glasses, closed his dark eyes, and slid the glasses back on.

“I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of this.”

Levi finally gasped, as if he had forgotten to breathe.

English words. Eleven shrouded bodies. A dead woman in front of him. Cold stone. The dungeon. Eren!

Levi blinked hard, shook his head, and pulled himself out of the darkness tormenting him. He slowly remembered where he was, who he was, and the fact that he was alive.

He was alive. Somehow, once again, so many died yet he lived.

Why did he always have to live when others died?

His eyes raised off the pools of blood and onto the soldier doing his best to give these Jews—people who should have been his enemies—something close to dignity in death.

Levi’s mouth felt stiff as words slowly formed. “Krista and her friends, they came.” He looked down to Sasha. “She was still trying to unlock the doors when they shot her.”

Eren said nothing.

“The women escaped. I insisted upon it. Just those four, out of the sixteen of us. But at least it’s four more who will have a chance at freedom.”

Eren nodded, but he still did not know what he could say. He stepped in front of Levi’s prison cell, reached into his uniform tunic, and pulled out the key.

If he had only put this key away last night! Would Levi be safe, or would he have been shot like the others who were released but did not make it up the stairs?

His hands were shaking as he fit the key into the prison door and unlocked it. Then he threw the key aside, glad to be rid of it. Levi would never be locked in this dungeon again.

Eren stepped back. He felt like he was unworthy of being anywhere close to Levi now. He was a monster! A murderer! However, Levi did not step out right away. He still looked around, trying to come to grips with the horror he had just witnessed.

“When I arrived in this village,” Levi said softly, “there were five in my group: myself, Moses, Isabel, Abel…” He glanced over at the man Eren had shot. “… and Rashad.” At the last name, he looked over to the seventeen-year-old boy. “The Resistance promised to get us out of the country. Then another group came, and another, until there were twenty of us. I thought it was idiotic to take such a large group, but the Resistance insisted they could get all of us out together. I found out later, they really only wanted one of us. Isabel was married to an RAF captain with some sway in the Resistance. The rest of us were there to keep her better hidden. Decoys, nothing more. I was going by a fake name, so the Resistance didn’t know who I was.”

Eren recalled, “When we first met, the name you gave me was Rivaille Martin.”

“Exactly. I had been going by that name for over a year. I knew what would happen if the Resistance knew I was still alive, and I did _not_ want to be forced back into another war. After you Germans bombed this place and the Resistance abandoned us, I gave up the fake name. I realized I could have used my rank to get our entire group out sooner. By hiding who I was, I damned us all.

“I figured, no more lies. Even if I ended up dragged into this damn war, it was worth it, so long as I saved the lives of these people. It took learning there was a _French captain_ here to get the Resistance to care about us again. They came back for Isabel, but they wanted to use me to pass messages to that girl your captain was torturing.”

“Annie,” Eren recalled with a deep sadness.

“Right from the start, they were using me.” He looked around again at the bodies now covered with sheets. “Out of twenty of us who came to this village seeking help from the Resistance, fourteen died, five escaped … and I’m still here. Moses had a girl in London waiting for him. Ruth was only fifteen, yet she was raped right in front of me, and I couldn’t even reach her outstretched hands as she begged for help. Rashad was so young, brave, and full of dreams. Abel…” He looked over to where Eren had dragged out the man and covered him with a humble shroud. “He was a history professor, but Nazis banned any Jews from working at the university. I wonder how history will remember all this,” he muttered to himself. “They all suffered, so many died, and for God-knows-what reason,” Levi sneered in rage, “I’m _still here_. Still alive! Everyone else is _dead_.”

“You saved those women, Levi. You saved Isabel, Ruth and the others. Always remember that.”

“I did nothing—”

“You kept them alive all this time,” shouted Eren. “You saved those women. Remember that!” Eren knew Levi wanted, more than anything, to save people. This was his redemption. “You can save more after you’re out of here.”

Grimly, he muttered, “You’ll need to kill me one day.”

“Like hell will that happen!”

“That bug-eyed bastard put a gun to your head, and I don’t even need to know German to know he threatened to use his last bullet to kill you.”

“I don’t care,” yelled Eren. “Krista is right outside. She can get you out. She said France needs you.”

“France can go _fuck itself in Hell_ ,” Levi screamed, and finally the emotional pain showed on his face. “What did France do for me, huh? What did France do for _them_?” He pointed to the dead bodies. “Do you think France cared? These people were civilians—a teacher, a farmer, a factory worker, a grocery clerk, a tailor, a dentist, a watchmaker, a boy who should’ve been going to university this autumn if the whole world hadn’t gone to hell—do you think France _gave a shit_ about helping them? Do you think they ever cared about the plight of the Jewish people in our country? What did France do all this time while we were sitting down here, being beaten, raped, tortured in unspeakable ways? Do you know what they did? They betrayed us! They agreed to an armistice that included handing all the Jews over to the Nazis. They fucking _sold out their own people_ to save their asses!”

“Levi,” Eren said, hurt to see his emotions running so raw.

“Do they expect me to fight for them after betraying us, turning against us, murdering us, shipping us off to concentration camps, _killing a man’s wife in front of his eyes and then butchering his unborn child?_ Do you think I’m going to fight for someone who allows that? Fuck them all!”

He strode out of his cell and walked up to Sasha’s body.

“France _needs_ me?” he sneered in disgust. “France needs to get its shit together.”

He kicked her body over to see her face.

“Hey!” Eren shouted, shocked by the disrespect.

“Damn you and your Resistance,” he said to the dead woman. “France doesn’t need _me_. It needs my blade! Well, they can go fuck themselves with that blade. Then they can decide if they actually want the Jewish people to be around, because if they’re not willing to want _all_ Jews, then they don’t have the right to want _this_ Jew.”

He reached down to Sasha’s belt, where she had a knife strapped on. He unsnapped the sheath, lifted the knife, and ripped the blade out, brandishing it in the lamplight with a fierce silver gleam.

“From now on, I will fight for myself. I will fight for what I believe in, not what others think I should believe in. I will do whatever I must in order to survive this godforsaken war, and that does _not_ include returning to the task of being France’s personal assassin. I shall never be _La Lame Juive_ again.”

He sheathed the knife and snapped it onto his belt, hiding it under his shirt. Then he walked to the center of the dungeon and stood there, glancing around at all the bodies.

“France never wanted us from the beginning. It _tolerated_ Jews, and just barely. Not because of the language we spoke or how we looked. Because of which holy book we read. Hell, we worship the same God, just in different ways. France needs _Capitaine Ackerman_ the assassin, not Levi the broom maker.”

“Broom maker?” Eren asked in surprise.

Levi glared over his shoulder at the young soldier. “You didn’t think I sat on my ass drinking wine all day, did you?”

“No, just … it fits you, making brooms.” He could imagine that Levi’s house must have been the cleanest in his town.

“If I go with the Resistance, they plan to use me as an assassin again. They wouldn’t go through all this trouble just to have any common enemy killed. They have one specific target in mind, a man who has survived other assassination attempts.”

“Hitler,” Eren realized in horror.

“Exactly. Do you want that to happen? Do you want me to go slit the throat your oh-so-precious Führer?”

Eren dropped his head as his brow tensed. A part of him still felt fiercely loyal to his country’s leader, and another part knew that the Nazis needed to be stopped. The quickest way to do that was to kill the Führer.

“Oh really?” Levi said, amused to see the conflict in his face. “Have you finally seen the truth? Did it take murdering an innocent man for you to realize that maybe Aryans aren’t the perfect supermen you thought they were?”

Eren’s frown tightened, both enraged as he realized the man he had idolized was detestable, and worried about what would happen to Levi now. He muttered, “I don’t want you to have to kill anyone.”

“Then don’t let them take me back.”

Eren struggled with that request. “Don’t you want freedom?”

Years of experience and the depth of what he had done in the past burned in Levi’s dark gaze. “Do you think a soldier has freedom? Are you truly free, Eren Jäger? Are you free to say anything you want? Are you free to love whomever you want? Were you free just now, to make the choice whether or not to pull that trigger? Have you ever in your life actually been free?”

The questions stumped the lieutenant.

“Assassinating Hitler would be a suicide mission. If I go with the Resistance and they demand that I do this, I will likely not leave Berlin alive. If I escape France on my own and make it to my family in America, maybe I can live peacefully. I won’t fight for _any_ country ever again, not when nations can turn against their own people.”

He gazed at the shrouded bodies, taking in the entire sight of the massacre, burning it into his mind.

“I carry the will of my fallen comrades. Their collective grudge against the Nazis strengthens my resolve to survive, to fight for my freedom. _True_ freedom! I will carry the will of these souls and live on with their memory. Each of them, I will remember their names until I die.”

His feet came together, Levi straightened his spine, and his head bowed.

“There should be ten people to do this, but I carry the weight of the souls of over a dozen. It’s enough.” He looked back to Eren. “When I pause, can you say the word ‘ _Amen_ ’?”

Eren nodded solemnly.

Levi closed his eyes to recall words, and his deep voice took on a spiritual, musical chant.

“ _Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba._ ”

Eren sensed the pause, and in soft reverence, he said, “Amen.” Then he watched as Levi continued to sing-chant the mourning prayer.

_B’alma di v’ra chirutei,_   
_v’yamlich malchutei,_   
_b’chayeichon uv’yomeichon_   
_uv’chayei d’chol beit Yisrael,_   
_baagala uviz’man kariv._   
_V’im’ru: Amen._

Again there was a pause, and after each call to say _Amen_ , Eren gave back the word. He did not know what Levi was saying, but he saw the pain in his face softening as he spoke, being filled with serenity and acceptance.

_Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach_   
_l’alam ul’almei almaya._

_Yitbarach v’yishtabach v’yitpaar_   
_v’yitromam v’yitnasei,_   
_v’yit’hadar v’yitaleh v’yit’halal_   
_sh’mei d’Kud’sha B’rich Hu,_   
_l’eila min kol birchata v’shirata,_   
_tushb’chata v’nechemata,_   
_daamiran b’alma._   
_V’im’ru: Amen._

_Y’hei sh’lama raba min sh’maya,_   
_v’chayim aleinu v’al kol Yisrael._   
_V’im’ru: Amen._

Levi took three steps back, bowing respectfully to the left, then to the right.

_Oseh shalom bimromav,_   
_Hu yaaseh shalom aleinu,_   
_v’al kol Yisrael._   
_V’im’ru: Amen._

Eren gave the last _amen_. Then Levi took three steps forward and stood there, letting the gravity of all these deaths sink into him, but also the glory of life.

Eren watched, and out of habit he crossed himself. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do for Jews, but it was the only thing he could think of. He had wanted to help these people to escape. Now, they were dead, and he and Levi were heading into even greater danger.

How much longer could he keep Levi alive? Was Levi right and he would one day be forced to shoot him? Just how far was he willing to go to save the life of one man?

“They are underground,” Levi muttered. “It’s not a proper burial, but at least they will not be out in the sun to bloat.”

Eren frowned at such a cold response, but he supposed Levi was handling this slaughter the best way he knew how.

Levi turned around, and Eren realized there were no tears for these people. Instead, he looked like this was something he had known all along would happen one day.

“I’ve buried so many, and left even more behind to rot, including my wife. It’s a little frightening how quickly a person can become used to death.”

Eren saw that the burden of living when others died hung heavily on Levi’s shoulders.

Levi muttered, “You saved my life once again.”

“I had to kill that man.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I’m so sorry,” Eren whispered in misery. “I had no choice. I … I truly had no choice.”

Levi stomped forward, grabbed Eren by the scruff of his neck, and yanked him over to Abel’s body. “Remove his shroud. Now!”

Eren gasped at the harsh command, but he obeyed. With a shaking hand, he pulled the bloodied blanket back to expose the man’s face.

“Look at him,” Levi commanded in a cold voice.

Eren felt sick at seeing the bullet hole through the man’s forehead and tried to look away.

Levi grabbed his hair and forced his head back around. “Don’t you dare turn away. Look at him! His name was Abel Friedman. Remember that name. Remember his face. Remember it until the day you die. If you can still recall his name on the day you take your last breath, then maybe I’ll forgive you for murdering him.”

Eren’s lower lip quivered with guilt.

Levi sighed at seeing those teal eyes shaking with tears, and he released his tight hold. “I know you had no choice,” he muttered. “That bastard! He told you, Abel or me, right? If you hadn’t shot him, we’d both be dead, and you with us. He truly made it impossible for you to stick to your morals. Sick sadistic piece of pig shit!”

“I’m sorry,” Eren said, both to the body below him and to Levi.

“Words aren’t enough. Live your life to make others like him never suffer again. Take it upon yourself to build humanity’s future! In that cause, find redemption.” Levi thought about his own dark, bloody past. “Trust me, sometimes redemption is all you’ve got left.”

“I’m sorry.” Eren tried to breathe in to calm himself, but it was a moist sniffle, and hearing it echoing through the dungeon’s icy stone walls broke down something inside of him, making his shoulders shudder as tears tumbled down. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shut up before someone hears you, _takhshet_.”

He saw that Eren was still breaking down emotionally, and Levi sighed in conflicted frustration. On one hand, this man would always be _Abel’s murderer_. On the other hand, he knew Eren had no choice, and this act would traumatize him for life. He ran his hand through his hair as he fought through clashing emotions of his own.

“Dammit, you’re too good for this world. It almost cost your life this time. You won’t be able to keep doing this forever.”

“I will!” Eren insisted. “As long as I can, I will.” He covered Abel’s face again and stepped up to Levi. “No matter the cost, even if I must bury all of my morals and give up everything I am, I will not let you die.” His fingers glanced over Levi’s hand, but he could not bring himself to touch him more than that. “When the time is right, I will get you to freedom. I promise.” He looked down to the bodies. “I should have gotten you out of here weeks ago. No, _months_ ago! Before you … and Moses … and all the women who suffered…” He began to break down into tears again.

Levi sighed as Eren scrubbed away tears. “Seriously, stop crying. It won’t bring back anyone, and it won’t turn back the calendar.” He scowled as Eren continued to cry. “I swear your face is too honest.”

Levi began to reach out to him, but his hand flinched back, like if he touched this young man, he would curse him to an early death, like all the others who got too close to him. His fingers drew up into a fist and reluctantly lowered.

“No German has shown such care for us, but you … you put yourself in danger for us. You would have risked death to save us. That’s … impressive.” He looked up into those teal-blue eyes. “My comrades cannot speak anymore, so I will tell you for them. When we were alone, we talked about you. They would praise you in prayers and ask the Lord to protect you. Secretly, we all watched out for you, because we knew you were the only thing keeping us alive, and it was at your own risk.” His eyes narrowed with firmness. “I’m certain that not one of them blamed you in the end. Not even Abel.”

“He said something. _Prends soin_ …?”

Levi looked aside with warmth in his cheeks. He had heard the words, but in a distant sort of way as his brain tried to separate itself from reality. “He said, ‘Take care of him for us.’”

Eren smiled sadly. “He meant you. His final wish was for me to take care of you.”

“Something like that,” he muttered reluctantly. “Abel knew you did all you could. You did far more than anyone ever has, far more than even the French Resistance did for us. They were thankful for you. I … am thankful.” He bowed his head. “ _Merci beaucoup._ ” Thank you very much.

Eren’s lower lip quivered, until suddenly he grabbed Levi into his arms, crushing him in a hug as he sobbed in deep guilt. Levi’s eyes widened, momentarily panicked, fearing someone might see them and punish Eren. As a minute passed with just the two of them, he calmed down and rubbed Eren’s back.

“Idiot. Why am I comforting you?”

“You’re not. I’m comforting you.”

“You’re the one crying.”

“Because you refuse to, so I have to cry for us both.”

Levi could not help a small chuckle. “Idiot _takhshet_.”

Eren finally let him go, wiped his eyes, and gazed around at the covered bodies. “ _Sei friedlich_ ,” he whispered. Be at peace. He looked over to Levi. “We need to hurry. Stay close to me from now on. I may need to treat you roughly.”

Levi stiffened his shoulders. “If it means I can live another day, I can put up with any Nazi shit.”

Eren smiled at the fierce will burning in those eyes. Levi returned to his cell for the very last time and reached under his pillow to pull out Moses’ locket and his mother’s Tanakh. He shoved the book into the burlap sack that had held vegetables only a few days ago. Then he pulled off his blanket and walked over to Sasha’s body.

“ _Vous avez bien combattu, mademoiselle. Repose en paix._ ” You fought well, miss. Rest in peace.

He draped the blanket over her. Then together, he and Eren went up the stairs, exited the castle, and walked out into the misty gray morning.

Eren saw Krista waiting anxiously on the steps of the castle with her white hood up against the dampness. She instantly ran forward as soon as she saw them. From some hidden bushes, Ymir cautiously limped forward, holding a bloody cloth against her waist.

“ _Capitaine, vous allez bien?_ ” Captain, are you all right?

He snapped quietly at her, “ _Ne m’appelez pas capitaine._ ” Don’t call me captain.

Levi looked at her, blond enough that she could have passed as Aryan, petite enough to be any of these soldiers’ little sister, smaller than even him, yet from the first day she brought their group bread, Levi could tell by how she carried herself, this young woman was a trained fighter. She likely spent months wreaking havoc on the Germans, things that even Eren and Kitz Woermann were completely unaware of. He respected all that she must have emotionally endured working for the French Resistance, but he was still angry.

“ _Ils sont tous morts, Sasha aussi._ ” They are all dead, Sasha too.

Krista clasped her hands to her mouth. “ _Non!_ ”

“ _Je te l’ai dit, sauvez-les tous, ou je n’aiderai pas la Résistance. Tu étais trop lent._ ” I told you, save them all, or I won’t help the Resistance. You were too slow.

“ _Nous avons sauvé quartre Juifs._ ” We saved four Jews.

“ _Seulement quatre ont été secourus. Seulement … quatre!_ ” Only four were rescued. Only … four!

Krista lowered her head as tears gathered in her eyes. “ _Je suis désolée. Nous pensions que les Allemands quittaient la ville la semaine prochaine._ ” I’m sorry. We thought the Germans were leaving town next week.

Ymir patted her arm as Krista shook her head, truly looking grieved by her failed rescue attempt. Then her brilliant blue eyes looked up at Levi with renewed determination.

“ _On a échoué dans notre tâche, mais s’il vous plaît, aidez-nous. Nous avons besoin de vous, capitaine. La France a besoin de vos compétences._ ” We failed in our duty, but please, help us. We need you, captain. France needs your skills.

Levi rolled his eyes and began to walk away. “ _J’en ai plus rien à foutre._ ” I don’t give a shit anymore.

“ _Capitaine!_ ”

“ _Ne m’appelez pas capitaine, putain!_ ” Don’t fucking call me captain!

She screamed at him in anger, “ _Trahirais-vous ton pays?_ ” Would you betray your country?

Levi paused, staring ahead, his face cold with rage and a deep disappointment that he had kept buried for so many years, through torture and so many moments of heartache. In quiet disgust, he whispered, “ _Tu es la pire des garces._ ” You are the worst bitch.

“ _Quoi!_ ” What!

Levi turned back to her, and the pure rage in his eyes made Krista stumble back a step.

Ymir was immediately in front of Krista with her arms protectively out. “ _Je me fiche que tu sois un capitaine. Reculez, bâtard._ ” I don’t care if you were a captain. Back off, bastard.

When Levi spoke, his voice was a seething whisper, gradually getting sharper with each biting syllable. “ _La France me trahit. La France nous trahit, trahit ma femme et mon peuple. Je ne me battrai pas pour quelqu’un qui trahit ma confiance._ ” France betrayed me. France betrayed us, betrayed my wife and my people. I won’t fight for someone who betrays my trust.

“ _Capitaine—_ ”

He yelled over her. “ _S’il te plaît!_ ” However, he lowered his voice and changed to a more polite tone. “ _S’il vous plaît, enterrez-les, si vous le pouvez. C’est ma dernière requête. Pour la France, je suis mort_.” Please, bury them, if you can. That’s my last request. To France, I’m dead.

He turned away and began to walk off, with Eren following, not certain what the exchange was about, but he could tell enough by their body language.

Ymir hated to see Krista’s emotional fragility, so she barked out at Levi, “ _Hé toi! Tu mourras si tu pars avec lui._ ” Hey you! You’ll die if you go with him.

Levi retorted back without looking around, “ _Je vais mourir si je viens avec toi. J’ai confiance en ce salaud d’Allemand plus que dans la Résistance française._ ” I’ll die if I go with you. I trust this German bastard more than I trust the French Resistance.

Ymir shook her head and whispered to Krista, “ _Allons-y. Anka nous attend._ ” Let’s go. Anka is waiting for us.

Krista tightened her fists in stubborn frustration. She took one stomping clomp forward, splashing the rain-soaked road, and shouted out to Eren in German instead. “ _Er sagt, er vertraut Ihnen. Bitte, überzeugen Sie ihn zu entkommen._ ” He says, he trusts you. Please, convince him to escape.

Eren paused and looked back at her. “ _Er vertraut mir?_ ” He trusts me?

Krista nodded. “ _Ja, er vertraut Ihnen mehr als seinen Landsleute._ ” Yes, he trusts you more than his countrymen.

Levi switched into English. “If that bitch is trying to convince you to force me to go back with her, forget it. I will get true freedom, and I will fight whoever stands in my way, whether if it’s a little girl like her or the man who has saved my ass countless times.”

Krista tried to follow along, but Levi was speaking too fast for her to understand. “What he say?”

Eren looked back to Krista. “ _Ich schwöre Ihnen, er wird überleben. Er wird aber nicht zu Ihnen zurückkehren._ ” I swear to you, he will survive. But he won’t return to you.

She sank in disappointment. “ _Ich verstehe. Viel Glück._ ” I understand. Good luck. Then she looked to Levi. “ _Adieu_.”

“ _Soignez les blessures de ton amie. Bonne chance à tous les deux._ ” Tend to your friend’s wounds. Good luck to you both. Then Levi bowed to them. “ _Adieu_.”

Eren removed his cap and gave a polite bow. “ _Leb wohl._ ” Farewell.

Eren and Levi walked away, realizing they would likely never see those ladies again. Such a shame too. They were the sort of strong women Eren would have liked to befriend.

The light misting of that morning was turning into a drizzle as they returned to the house Eren’s platoon had taken. Their horses were waiting out front, along with a truck for supplies. Jean had taken charge of the packing, and the men were almost ready to move out.

Franz sneered as soon as he saw Levi. “What is _that_ doing here?”

Eren explained to the group in a snappish tone, “Unless any of you have managed to learn French while sitting around drinking wine all day and jerking yourselves off all night, we need this Jewish rat to translate, at least until we get to Metz. If you can translate for us, Franz, you can shoot him. If you can’t, then keep your finger off your trigger.”

Franz frowned and asked suspiciously, “Where did you go after the assembly?”

“The captain and I were shooting Jews. You missed out on the fun.”

Franz burst out into a laugh. “Good! For a moment there, I was afraid you ran off just to save this piece of shit.”

“Sir!” Armin pulled Eren away and whispered in horror, “Did you really shoot the Jews?”

Jean also came up, his brow pinched with a deep crease. Eren looked at both of them, and his eyes dropped in grief.

“I had to shoot one of them. I had no choice. The captain…” He felt his stomach lurch, but he managed to swallow it back down.

Armin put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I know you really wanted to help them. You did your best.”

Jean asked in concern, “Are they all dead?”

“No, the four women made it out.”

“Thank God,” Jean sighed in relief.

Eren thought about the scene he had seen, Jew after Jew being shot, collapsing in sprays of blood, until he himself had to pull the trigger. “I got there too late. The woman named Sasha died trying to free them. Then the captain … it was either shoot one of them and Levi could live, or he would have shot them all.”

Armin gritted his teeth in silent anguish. “And probably you with them.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. Eren put a hand on Armin’s shoulder and leaned into his ear. “I may need your help yet again once we reach Metz.”

“I’m ready,” he said loyally.

“Count me out,” Jean muttered. “I was just in it to rescue the women.” He turned, but he muttered under his breath, “I’m glad they’re safe.”

Armin smiled as Jean marched off. “He was really worried this whole time.”

“I know,” Eren whispered. “He’d never admit it.” Then Eren pulled himself out of his grief. “We’ll be relying on your escape route, Armin.”

“I’ll be riding in the truck with my radio set up. If I hear anything, I’ll let you know.”

“Good. Jean, what about the rest of the platoon?”

“They’ve all got horses and are ready to go, sir.” Just then, Thomas came walking out of the kitchen with a massive box. “Wait, wait, wait! I said no more kitchen gear. You won’t need spices on the battlefield.”

“We’ll be in Metz,” Thomas protested, looking protective over his spices. “That’s a nice city. We should be allowed to eat well.”

“We’ll be too busy fighting to enjoy the fact that you used rosemary on whatever rations they give us.”

Eren said calmly, “Find some sacks. Carry what you can on your horse, but don’t overload the truck. We don’t have much petrol.” He looked around at his men. “It’ll be a long trip. There may be enemy troops on the road between here and Metz. Keep an eye out at all times, and have your guns loaded and ready. Germany has fallen back too far. Not us! We take our stand in Metz. We will stop their tanks, and then we will push those fat American bastards out of Europe and back over the ocean. We will take back France. _All_ of France, this time! Once there are swastikas on every flag from here to the Atlantic, we will sink the British Isles into the sea and leave their bloated corpses to the sharks. We march, men! _Sieg Heil!_ ”

“ _Sieg Heil!_ ” they cheered.

Franz came up to Eren. “Excuse me, _Herr Leutnant_. Did you know your hat pin is missing?”

Eren took off his damp field-gray cap and looked down to the blank spot where the eagle pin had been. “So it is. It must have fallen off. I don’t have time to search for it. I can replace it in Metz. Thank you for letting me know.” He realized, as much as he now hated what that eagle and swastika stood for, as long as he was a German soldier he had to wear the uniform properly. “Armin, did you find what I asked for?”

“Yes, sir.” Armin rushed into the house, and Eren followed with Levi at his heels. Armin came forward with a folded pile of civilian clothing. “It should be in your size.”

Eren waved Levi to follow him upstairs to his bedroom. There, he shut the door and began to unbutton his uniform tunic. Levi’s eyes narrowed as Eren slipped out of the gray tunic, set it aside, and pulled his undershirt up over his head, exposing his pale chest.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“The situation is more grim than _Hauptmann_ Woermann will admit. The American Army went past us a few days ago, didn’t even know we were here, and now they stand somewhere between us and Metz.”

“Is that why you had to use the telegraph? Communication problems?”

Eren did not like to admit that someone purposely made sure they were left behind, yet were not attacked. He sat on the bed to take off his army boots. “We have to sneak past them, slip between the gaps, but we don’t exactly know where the Americans might be. I volunteered to scout ahead.”

“You’re the vanguard? Oh, great! So you get shot first.”

“That’s why I’m dressing as a civilian.”

He turned his back to Levi out of decency as he dropped his uniform trousers. Levi looked aside, but his eyes slowly slid back over. He had never seen Eren naked before. Even when he cared for him through pneumonia, Eren wore nightclothes, or Levi stepped out if he had to undress. Now, he could not help but look at the sculpted muscles of his back, the lean power in his legs, the muscular arms, and the softness he hid with pale cotton boxer shorts. His gaze lingered there, until Eren began to pull on plain gray wool trousers. Then Levi snapped out of it and turned away. He folded his arms stubbornly, upset at himself for rudely looking.

Eren pulled on a sky blue shirt and used suspenders to hold up his trousers, since they were a little too big. The shoes were worn out, and Eren wondered if they had belonged to someone who died. He also pulled on a tweed flat cap and a honey-brown leather jacket. Finally, he turned back to Levi and saw him looking away. He smiled, thinking that sense of propriety was cute, although he partly wished Levi had _wanted_ to look at him. Levi turned around now, and Eren stretched his arms out in presentation.

“How do I look?”

“Like you still belong in school,” Levi grumbled, although he had to admit, it was nice to see Eren wearing something other than that Nazi uniform. He could finally see the young man he should have been, not the soldier he was forced to become. “So, you’re riding in front, dressed as a civilian, and … what? Hope they don’t shoot you after they realize there are a hundred Nazis coming up behind you?”

“I figured, I speak English, so if we meet Americans or British, I can talk with them. Then I will ride back and warn the rest of the platoon to avoid that road.”

“With your thick-as-wood accent?” Levi cried out. “They’d shoot you on the spot. No, since I’m stuck with you anyway, let me do the talking. If it comes to a fight…” Levi brushed his fingers over the knife. “At least I’m finally armed again. It felt _wrong_ , not having a sword or knife on me.”

Eren grinned at him. “Are you offering to protect me?”

“I’m offering to keep you alive so you can keep me alive. Regretfully unavoidable symbiosis.”

Eren walked up closer to Levi. His eyes lowered, sad, wanting to reach out to him while they were alone like this, but feeling unworthy, tainted by blood. “Is it really regretful, being near me now? I’ll understand if you run away.”

The misery in his voice pierced Levi’s heart, making him want to reach out to him. “If I run, that bastard captain will shoot you.”

Eren shrugged, not really caring anymore. He was probably going to die in this war anyway, so why not do it rescuing a person?

“Fuck that,” Levi spat out. “I’ll not have your blood on my hands.”

“I deserve it,” Eren whispered, Abel’s eyes already haunting him.

Levi saw Eren sinking in regret and self-disgust. His hand moved up, and for a moment Eren wondered if Levi was about to touch him, comfort him, maybe even hold him against the dark guilt. Instead, Levi suddenly flicked Eren hard on the forehead.

“Ow!” Eren backed away, rubbing the pain in his head.

“Don’t ever say you deserve death. It gets you nowhere, and fulfilling that wish is the _easy way out_.” He thought about all the times he wished he could join his companions in the unknown beyond. He knew how dark that feeling was, feeling like you did not deserve to live. “I told you, dedicate yourself to redemption.” It was the best advice he could give, the only thing that kept him alive sometimes. Like now, another massacre, another time he narrowly escaped, forced to carry on the will of all those who did not make it. Redemption was all he had left.

“Then my redemption is to save your life.”

“I won’t complain about you making that your goal. Just make sure you succeed.”

Eren smiled, feeling a little better. Seeing the light return to his teal eyes warmed Levi’s heart.

Eren threw his uniform into a duffle bag. He also yanked a thick, quilted blanket off the bed and gave it to Levi to wrap up against the rain. Finally, he checked his gun. His hand hesitated as he had to replace the one empty chamber, the bullet that had ended the life of an innocent man. They would be heading into a warzone, and he needed his gun to be fully loaded.

Finally, they left. Eren stepped outside, threw his duffle bag onto the waiting truck, and walked over to the horses. He took Levi’s burlap sack with the book inside, and he tied it securely to the side of his saddle. The rough-looking bag added to the appearance of some average peasant out for a ride.

Armin came up to him. “Sir, there’s no horse for the Jew.”

“He’ll ride with me, scouting out ahead. He’s our translator, after all. Someone has to read the street signs.”

Armin’s brow tensed in worry. “Do you really have to be the one who scouts ahead? It’s dangerous.”

“War always is.”

“You could leave it to Franz or Connie.”

“Connie’s our sharpshooter. I need his eyes ready to take out the enemy. Franz has no battle experience. Besides,” he said, pulling out a folded map, “I know best how to read one of your maps. I trust the path you’ve laid out.”

“Then be safe, Eren.”

“Keep that radio running. _Viel Glück._ ”

Eren climbed onto his horse and offered a hand down to Levi. The small Jew looked at the horse, then up to Eren.

“Are you shitting me?”

“It’s either ride with me or walk.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but he extended his hand. Eren pulled him up with surprising strength, and Levi straddled the horse behind him.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?”

“Not in ten years.”

“Well, hold on tight.”

As Eren kicked his heels and the horse trotted forward, Levi grabbed around his waist to keep from falling off. He felt his cheeks warming up as the whole village saw them riding forward together.

Eren fell silent as he trotted toward the main road and watched the chaos around them. He sneered as he realized the soldiers were not just packing up to go, they were looting anything they could before they left. All around them, German soldiers beat French shop owners, taking food and valuables. He saw a few of the new recruits in his own platoon doing this, and he made note to make their lives hell when they got to Metz.

Eren tried his hardest to block out the scene, lest he be tempted to stop the violence against civilians and land himself in even more trouble. He figured he should be grateful that Kitz Woermann did not have time to carry out his threat of outright slaughtering the entire village.

“ _Leutnant Jäger!_ ”

Eren pulled the horse to a halt and turned around. He saw Kitz marching up to them. “ _Scheiße_ ,” he whispered under his breath.

“Do you have a map?”

“Yes, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“Good. If that _Obergefreiter_ of yours actually gets us through this alive, I will be sure to put in a request for a promotion.”

“Thank you, _Herr Hauptmann_. Armin Arlelt deserves it.”

“Indeed. Keep an eye out for enemy movement.” He slid a glare over to Levi. “I’m surprised you can stomach having that rodent so close to you.”

“To be honest, sir, he reeks like shit. Do I have permission to half-drown him in the river first?”

“Maybe when we stop for dinner. For now, have him bark at the civilians to get out of our way.”

“ _Jawohl!_ ”

“And remember: if he escapes, I will shoot you.”

“As bad as he smells, he shall not leave my sight.” Then Eren flashed an eager smile. “I think instead of shooting him, I’ll hang him, that way I can watch him struggling. Killing one Jew wasn’t enough, and this one has been such a pain in the ass.”

“Hanging! I like it. I’m glad you’re not crying over those vermin.”

“Who cries over a dead rat?”

Kitz laughed. “I think you toughened up a bit while you were here.”

“If so, I have you to thank for it, _Herr Hauptmann_.” Kitz strode off, and the smile on Eren’s face fell. He whispered, “ _Ich hasse diesen Mann._ ” I hate that man.

Levi muttered, “I swear, he’s going to shoot one of us some day.”

Eren looked around behind his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”

Before Levi could reply, Eren kicked his horse into a canter. All Levi could do was hold tighter around Eren’s waist.

“You brat,” he grumbled under his breath as they rode ahead of the Nazi company.

# # #

# #

#

_**The 6 named Jews** – Levi, Moses, Abel, Rashad, Isabel, and Ruth. All of them were chosen from the manga purely for their names being of Hebrew/Arabic origin. (Okay, Isabel is a Spanish derivative of the Hebrew name Elisheba, but close enough.) Abel did not have a last name in the manga, so I gave him my in-laws’ surname._

_**Power Vacuum** – When Eren contemplates shooting Kitz, Ian, and Gunther, considering he would have to flee with Levi and Abel, that would leave behind no officers, only platoon sergeants like Jean. A power vacuum like that really would lead to chaos and assured disaster for the German company as they get ready to sneak through enemy territory._

_**Abel’s prayer** – I did not translate Abel’s last words in text because it would have ruined the intensity of the scene. He recites part of the last stanza of the Mourner’s Kaddish, “May the One who creates harmony on high, bring peace to us and to all Israel.”_

_**Kaddish** – I gave some background to the Mourner’s Kaddish in an earlier chapter. Traditionally, there should be at least ten men present when Kaddish is said at a funeral, but Levi does it solo with Eren assisting._

_Here is a video showing the way to properly recite the Mourner’s Kaddish so you can hear how it’s musically chanted:_

_Exalted and hallowed be God’s great name_   
_[Amen]_   
_in the world which God created,_   
_according to plan._   
_May God’s majesty be revealed in the days of our lifetime_   
_and within the life of the entire Family of Israel,_   
_swiftly and soon._   
_To which we say: Amen._   
_[Amen]_

_Blessed be God’s great name_   
_to all eternity._

_Blessed, praised, honored,_   
_exalted, extolled,_   
_glorified, adored, lauded_   
_be the Name of the Holy One_   
_Blessed is He_   
_beyond all earthly words_   
_and songs of blessing, praise, and comfort._   
_To which we say: Amen._   
_[Amen]_

_May there be abundant peace from Heaven_   
_and life, for us and all Israel._   
_To which we say: Amen._   
_[Amen]_

_May the One who creates harmony on high,_   
_bring peace to us_   
_and to all Israel._   
_To which we say: Amen._   
_[Amen]_

_Levi says, “ **Take it upon yourself to build humanity’s future!** ” – Sasageyo! Sasageyo! Shinzou wo sasageyo! Susumu beki mirai wo sono te de kizuke. (At least according to the English dub anime translation.) You’re welcome for getting it stuck in your head again. [Check out this frigging awesome WWII themed music video based on AOT music.](https://youtu.be/cYxm3DfU4yw)_

_“ **Tu es la pire des garces** ” – Chapter 130 came out as I was editing this, and Eren says to Historia, “I got saved by the worst girl in the world.” The “worst girl” line was something Historia called herself back in the crystal cave. (The best character development scene in the whole series, fight me!) I wanted to use that, so I found the French translation of the manga._

_Eren says, “Tu es la pire des scélérates.” **You are the worst scoundrel.** Ehhh… not exactly what I was hoping for. It just doesn’t hold the same weight. I looked back to Chapter 66, and there Historia says “La pire, la fille la plus meprisable de toute l’histoire.” **The worst, most despicable girl in history.** Okay, closer, and I love that Historia says “de toute l'histoire.” Poetic! Still, I looked around some more and found [Season 3 Episode 7 in French dubs](https://regarder-attaque-des-titans-streaming.com/attaque-des-titans-streaming-gratuit-saison-3/episode-7/44). Here, she calls herself “la pire des garces,” **the worst bitch**. Damn, that is sooooo much better than even the English dub! Maybe not poetic, but powerful! So for that scene, when Levi calls her “la pire des garces,” I’m going off the French dub._

_Someone asked me for **a visual timeline of events**. I can't put EVERYTHING from my timeline into it, since that would result in tons of spoilers, but I did make something that can help readers see how the story corresponds to real events in history. On the left column are the real, historic events. On the right are highlights of the past 23 chapters, including what we know happened before 1944. (That might be a little spoiler-ish, since Levi has not talked much about his past and we have not seen Erwin yet.)_

_([see full size](https://imgur.com/a/4BGxfVk))_

_[ ](https://imgur.com/a/4BGxfVk)  
_

* * *

Hey everyone, Rhov here.

Whew!!! What a journey, eh? This was brutal to write.

This is the end of Act One. Time for a massive scene change, new characters, a new direction for Eren now that he has disavowed the Nazi Party, and a new awakening of feelings for Levi. Act Two will take place in Metz.

However, I really, **REALLY** need a break. Not only because this has been a hellish emotional roller coaster and half a year of weekly updates, but … well, I made a mistake.

You see, in my original draft, the Germans left the village on September 3rd. This worked perfectly within the historic movements of armies in northern France. Then as I began to post this story online, I decided to change some things. I wanted to give Eren and Levi more time together after the confession. (Originally, Eren confessed his feelings right after Krista gave everyone bread, and the massacre was **literally the next day**.)

So, I began to rewrite the story while in the midst of posting it. To achieve what I wanted, whole new chapters had to be created, with sometimes days worth of historic research to create the scenes accurately. (OMG all that research into WWII communications, AHHHH!) Many noticed, I switched to every-other-week updates rather than weekly. This is because I was frantically writing brand new scenes. Personally, I think this enhanced the story tenfold! The extra time for Levi and Eren to walk in the garden, touch more, and get in some extra kisses, was totally adorable. Hopefully, it built up a believable relationship, one that is cautious, fearful, struggling with societal prejudices and emotional trauma, yet gradually growing stronger.

 **BUT!** … all of this put the day of the evacuation on September 8th. I didn’t think much of this at the time. What’s a few days, right?

Hah…

The most amazing thing about studying the history of the Western Front in the Second World War is just how fast the Allies were able to liberate France, Belgium, Luxembourg, and the Netherlands, after just how swiftly those countries fell to the Germans in 1940. At one point, Allied troops were simply racing after retreating Germans, moving a hundred kilometers a day, their only real trouble being a few rearguard traps and ambushes.

( **Side Note** : This rapid push built up a frenzy within American troops, many of whom were fresh out of boot camp with no combat experience. So when the Allies had to pause in mid-September due to fuel shortages and didn’t gain much ground over the next few months, many Americans began to get frustrated at not constantly being on the move, taking weeks rather than hours to capture cities, and actually having to, you know, FIGHT A WAR rather than chase after retreating Nazis. Americans really are fickle fighters.)

I purposely never name this village. I didn’t want to stick to a real town’s 1944 layout. (I do later on, and it is a pain in the ass!) My amazing collaborator who created the plot outline, Moonlessnight126, had not specified a location, nor even a year. She imagined a small village next to a river, a forest nearby, within less than a day’s walk of a border, so close yet unreachable. That, plus other future events, made the ideal location northern France, near the Belgian border, the Meuse River running by the village … okay, I totally based it on [Haybes, France](https://goo.gl/maps/1t15qA5J2EQYq4yV8). Just not the town layout; we needed a castle/château with a prison. So it remains as an unnamed, fictional town.

If anyone is curious and loves maps (I can't be the only one) this is the map I used, showing the location of the Western Front on September 3rd, 12th, and 14th, 1944.

  
([full size here](https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/2600/1*Pf1bM2t9DZafNKHcJs7CoQ.png))

So on September 3rd (my original date of the company leaving) my imagined location of this fictional town was still under Axis control. Except now, they are leaving on the 8th.

This is where I made a mistake. Although I had created a fairly good timeline, with one column for plot events and one column for real-world events, as I wrote new content for the story, I did not research anything between September 3rd and the Battle of Metz. (Whoops! Did I let slip a spoiler?) In researching for a future chapter, I came across some military notes, which included that [on September 9th, a German Sturmpanzer soldier was ](http://www.sturmpanzer.com/Default.aspx?tabindex=2&tabid=331&item=4&sec=1)[captured by the Allies in Libramont](http://www.sturmpanzer.com/Default.aspx?tabindex=2&tabid=331&item=4&sec=1), 60 km east of totally-not-Haybes.

I thought this was cool, maybe useful in the future, so I went to put it in my timeline, only to realize that NOW Eren leaves on September 8th. This German soldier was caught 60 miles east on September 9th.

Uh-oh!

I scoured the web for maps of the Western Front. Where the hell were the Americans on September 8th? The closest I could find was this map based on September 5, 1944, showing only tiny pockets of the France/Belgium border still under German control.

  
([full size here](http://www.ibiblio.org/hyperwar/USA/USA-E-Lorraine/maps/USA-E-Lorraine-V.jpg))

By the 8th, they definitely would have been overrun, especially with that report of Allies arresting POWs in Libramont on the 9th. Totally-not-Haybes would have been in Allied territory by September 8th. My little plot tweak screwed up the real-life history.

… shit …

I was left with a few options for how to proceed.

  1. Screw history, I’ll just leave everything as it is. (Not an option for a history nerd like me!)

  2. Rewrite past chapters and hope my readers don’t notice and aren’t keeping track of what day it is. I’ve honestly had to do this twice already (no one noticed) so while this could have worked, it would be a serious pain in the ass to morph all the historical references I made around the real-life timeline.

  3. Change it so the American army is right in front of them as they leave. That would be awesomely dramatic, but I’m left with a huge problem: why bother with the Jews? They would be fleeing for their lives! Is shooting a few Jews really THAT much more important than evacuating a company that is about to be bombed?

  4. The Allies simply never knew they were there, and the Germans never knew the front line had swept past them.




I liked that last option, but it meant someone was tampering with their communications. For reasons that shall be explained later, that honestly works perfectly.

So, they aren’t simply going to ride straight to Metz, as I had planned. If the Allies are already closing in on Libramont and will be capturing POWs in less than 24 hours, that means this company has to get through _at least_ 60 km of enemy territory and go a long way around to the north and east, before they can head south to Metz.

Then my overactive mind thought, “Ooooh, wouldn’t it be cool if they were attacked on the way to Metz?” And my thalamus went, “Yes, yes, that would be awesome, it’d be great to see them actually _fighting_.” Followed by my amygdala saying, “Guys, what if Eren gets shot, not badly, but grazed by a bullet, enough where Levi gets to care for him. How _emotional_ would that be!” Then the temporal lobe chimed in, “ _Remember_ , Levi is still grieving, and Eren may be in deeper shock than he’s letting on after killing that man. Neither may be ready for intimacy yet. Emotions are good, but you _must remember_ what they just went through!” My occipital lobes bounced up and down cheering, “Yes, angst, angst, we wanna _see_ some angst.” My cerebellum calmed down the hyper occipitals, “Okay, but we must keep a _balance_ between angst and driving the plot forward.” Then my frontal lobe cried out, “ _I’ve got it!_ Since this will be a hundred kilometers out of their way, it would take a couple days, right? So they have to stop for the night in a town, Levi has to translate, Eren has to keep Levi near him ‘to make sure he doesn’t escape,’ and Levi can tend to Eren’s wound, all alone, in a hotel room. They can talk, cry, and have a tender moment for healing.” The parietal lobe sighed, “Oh, just imagine! Levi has nightmares of the trauma, and Eren _holds him_ until he falls back to sleep, but Eren falls asleep first, curled around him, and Levi lets him. He’s not ready for passion, but a simple _touch_ , that human connection, is healing.”

Then my entire brain melted at an image of them spending the night close to one another on this little military roadtrip.

Welcome to the world of Rhov’s Brain.

(I knew those neurobiology lessons would come in handy one day.)

This means, I get to write a whole adventure **I was not planning on** , which involves more research **I have not started on**.

So, I know everyone loves these weekly updates, I do too and I would LOVE to keep doing that, but I need a small break to sort out this problem. This is a great place to pause as we transition into Act Two.

Be healthy and safe. Bleiben sie gesund und sicher. Soyez en bonne santé et faites attention. היה בריא ובטוח


	24. A Forest Ride

The company traveled through the hills and forests of the Ardennes region as the September drizzle continued. Even if they did not know the full details of this escape to Metz—such as why they were heading north and not south—the soldiers sensed that it was no normal transfer to another location. The officers kept hushing them. The pace was slow and cautious, despite Kitz’s speech that said they needed speed. Gunther and Ian rode their horses back and forth between the three platoons, working as guides and making sure no one strayed off into the woods.

Jean drove one of only three supply trucks, packed with their gear, food, and ammunition. They also had two extra horses being pulled along behind. Marlo and Grützmacher had been their only fatalities, one shot by Kitz for flirting with the Jews, the other beaten to death by Eren for raping Levi. A soldier in Metz could use their horses. Sitting beside him, Armin had his field radio set up with his normal whip antenna so he could pick up from all directions. His hand pushed on his headphones to hear through the static and noise of the truck’s engine.

“Anything?” Jean asked him.

Armin twisted a dial. “No, and that’s good news.”

Jean sighed and stretched his fingers on the steer wheel. “I hope we meet with nobody until we’re at the gates of Metz.”

Up ahead, far enough up the road so he could not hear the noisy company, Eren rode his horse with Levi sitting behind him, his back warm with the heat of Levi’s chest. He thought that it could have been a pleasant early autumn ride through the countryside, if not for the need to keep an eye out for the red, white, and blue flags of the enemy.

“There’s a fork in the road. Which way do we go?”

Levi ended up being his navigator. As a captain, Levi knew how to read a map like this. Armin’s route was admittedly brilliant, a careful weaving between known locations of American troops, using the hilly forests of the Ardennes to hide themselves, taking roads that were so small, tanks had no chance to go across them. Even their trucks would have a hard time. The American army would stick to larger roads to move their massive divisions on from city to city.

Eren had explained everything to Levi on the road, how someone had given them false information, how the Allies had surged past them without checking their small village, and how they now had to avoid the enemy troops as they made a speedy flight north, back into Axis-controlled areas of Belgium, then over to Luxembourg, and finally an approach to Metz from the east. Rather than a few hours, this would take two days, going slower in order to kick up as little dirt as possible and avoid detection.

As tempting as it was to tell Eren to go another direction so Levi could escape to the Allies, he was sure that more people had maps and would catch the deception. His life was only barely saved, and he was determined to do anything to live to see the next day. Plus if he headed the company toward Allies, they were likely to be shot the second someone saw a swastika.

“Straight, but in the next town we go east.”

East. Toward Germany.

The Germans were falling back, and their forces were consolidating in a city that notoriously had never been invaded since Attila the Hun. Even during the Battle of France, the Germans wisely went around Metz, avoiding it. It only became _German_ thanks to the armistice between France and Germany.

No such political agreement would happen here. The Allies had to purge the Germans out, or else risk leaving tens of thousands of enemy troops to wreak havoc on the countryside after the tanks rolled past toward the Westwall. Invading Metz, though, was a feat that no army in 1,500 years had accomplished. Hitler’s generals were wise to bunker down there as their final defense in France.

Levi struggled to translate German notes Armin had written on the map. “Americans liberated Chateau-Thierry on the 27th, Reims on the 29th, Verdun on the 31st. How can they move an entire army that quickly?” Levi muttered to himself. “The sheer amount of petrol they would need is insane!”

Eren whispered, “America has oil fields. Germany does not. So they have tanks and trucks, while we have horses.” He felt Levi rest his head on his back and tried to look around. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry,” he grunted reluctantly. “I’ve not eaten anything all day. Just a little dizzy, that’s all.”

“You should have said so.” Eren reached into his saddle bag and pulled out a wrapped bar. “Here, eat this. It’s full of … um … _Eiweiß und Vitamine_. Good stuff.”

Levi accepted it, ripped open the package, and smelled a bar that was slightly fruity and sweet. He ate the protein bar ration as they clomped along.

“Do you need anything else?”

“Water.”

“There’s a canteen on the saddle. Help yourself.”

Eating his food, drinking his water. Levi realized more and more, he really did owe his life to Eren.

A debt that big could take a lifetime to repay.

Levi pulled the blanket a little closer around his shoulders. He hated feeling damp and cold, but he was glad that Eren at least tried to give him something warm to bundle up in. The blanket smelled of him. It was comforting, and the warmth of Eren’s back soothed the cold pain in his heart.

He again rested his head on Eren. Such a strong back! His hand rubbed along the leather jacket. It was nice to see Eren wearing something other than a Wehrmacht uniform. Like this, he could think of him as just a man, not a Nazi soldier.

Eren felt Levi’s hand, the gentle caress, the closeness of his body, and he gulped. A day ago, he would have flirted, or at least tried in his awkward, inexperienced way. Now, he felt unworthy of this warm feeling. He even began to hate it.

A man was dead because of him. What right did he have to feel happy?

“Stop that.”

Those two words came out so coldly, Levi’s hand yanked back on instinct.

What was he doing? A few days ago, Eren intimately touching him sent Levi into a panic. Now, the closeness felt comforting, and hearing Eren bitterly telling him not to touch him hurt deeper than it logically should.

He had never been such a needy man. What was wrong with him?

They continued on for an hour in silence. Levi began to get weary again and leaned against Eren’s back, gazing off into the trees. Then he looked down at the road, and he suddenly jolted.

“Stop!”

Eren pulled the horse to a sharp halt. “What is it?”

He pointed out. “Cigarette. I can smell it still. Whoever threw that down, they passed here less than an hour ago.”

Eren inhaled. “I smell nothing.”

“You smoke so much, I’m not surprised. It’s faint, but it was definitely discarded this morning.” Levi began to look around. “I don’t see … wait, there!” He leaped off the horse and walked off the side of the road. “Smart move, kid,” he muttered to himself. “Boot prints. The road is muddy, so they walked off the path to hide their prints, but you can still see them in the mud over here. Two, maybe three sets. Hard to tell for sure with the boots being the same tread. That means military-issue.”

“Americans?”

“I don’t know what their boots look like.” Levi picked up the discarded cigarette. “No label.” He began to look around more, but he frowned as he saw no more evidence.

“They could be long gone by now.”

“Maybe,” Levi said, sniffing the cigarette. He suddenly pulled back. “Americans, for sure.”

“How do you know?”

“The cigarette reeks of barbecue sauce.” Levi’s eyes shifted back and forth. “We continue, but be careful.”

He walked back and climbed onto the horse. Eren gave him a hand up and felt Levi wrap his arms around his waist again. He smiled faintly to himself. It was nice to at least know that Levi was watching out for him. Still, whenever Eren felt a little happy, Abel’s eyes haunted him.

Another hour passed with birdsong and drizzle. Levi knew he was going to end up feverish from this, but there was nothing to do but draw a little closer for warmth.

“Eren,” he whispered, and he heard a curious hum. “All that happened down in the dungeon … don’t worry about it.”

Eren tried to look around, but Levi hid from his eyes.

“To save a life, you must sometimes take a life. It doesn’t soothe your heart to understand that fact, and it’s the sort of choice no one ever wants to make. It darkens your soul for the rest of your life. I know that better than anyone,” he muttered, thinking about the voices in the dark that screamed at him every night. “I wish I could tell you how to stop the nightmares. All I can say is, sometimes it helps to have a goal and simply continue onward.”

“Thank you,” Eren muttered, glad that Levi was at least trying to comfort him, yet being realistic.

“I’ve also done things I’m not proud of,” he said with disgust in his eyes. “I’ve killed people who were not aware of why they had to die. I’ve killed people who honestly thought they were doing the right thing. In their minds, they were the innocent ones, and I’m the villain. It haunts you,” Levi said grimly. “I won’t say it’ll all be better in the morning. I’m just letting you know, you’re not the only person who has had to kill an innocent person to save another innocent person. Not always can we find a nonviolent solution. You do what you must in order to survive to a new day, and you pray that one day you can atone for it all.”

“Couldn’t agree more, buddy!”

Eren yanked the horse to a halt, and Levi snapped his gaze up into the trees. High above, he saw a man in a camouflage uniform blending in with the forest.

“Didn’t know they spoke English here in Belgium.”

Levi leaned into Eren’s ear. “Don’t say a word.” Then he called up to the hidden man. “Some of us do. Forest bandits normally don’t.”

The man laughed. “Forest bandit? I ain’t no Robin Hood.”

“Good, because we have no money, and I’d make a bloody horrible Maid Marian.”

The man let out a lighthearted laugh. “You speak like a Brit.”

“I lived there for a time. Who might you be? An American?”

“Yup! Come to liberate y’all.”

“Belgium and France are happy to be free from the Nazi swine. So, is your army coming up the road, or have they already passed and cleared the way for us?”

“Nah, they’re off a way still. Me and the buddies are just keeping a lookout, y’see. Make sure none of them Krauts try to sneak around. Pretty sure we got ‘em all chased off, scurrying back toward the Siegfried Line like mice in a flood, but I ain’t gonna complain about relaxing in a tree all day. Beats bein’ a mug slogger. Gonna get rained on either way, but I’d rather keep my feet dry.”

“Well, I’ve seen no one on the road. Do you know where we can find a hot meal?”

“Hell if I know! Ain’t my country. You should probably steer clear of Saint-Hubert and Libramont, though. The boys plan to clear the Krauts out of there in the next day or two.”

“That’s good to know. I’d rather keep clear of any fighting.”

“Where y’all heading to, anyway?”

“Bastogne,” Levi answered. “Do you know if there’s any fighting over there?”

“Sorry, buddy, ain’t got a clue where that is. I will say, those boys are moving east faster than ducks in hunting season. Or is that south?” he muttered in confusion. “Anyway! Good luck to ya, and be safe on the road. Happy victory!” He flashed down a V sign with his fingers.

Levi raised an eyebrow, but Eren gave him a big grin and also held up two fingers. Then he snapped the reins, and the horse continued onward.

Levi rubbed his chin and mumbled, “What was that hand sign? Was he insulting us? I saw people do something like that in England, and it was an insult.”

“He didn’t sound like he was insulting us. He thinks we’re Belgians. Plus he said _happy victory_. Maybe it’s a V for victory.”

“In any case, it means Americans are nearby, and we need to watch what we say in case there are more hiding in the trees.”

Eren glanced into the gray haze of the rainy forest and dropped his voice. “He’ll see the army when they come by. Should we turn back around and warn them?”

“If we do, he’ll get suspicious of us. He has an advantage, being up in the trees. We’d both be shot easily. No, we need to find the main army. Let that bug-eyed bastard deal with the treetop lookouts.”

“He’ll probably be shot, if Connie can catch sight of him.” Eren lowered his gaze. “That’s rather sad. He seemed nice.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That man is the face of your enemy.”

“I … I know,” Eren said softly. “Still, they’re just people with families back home.” Eren gave a long sigh. “I know what you’re thinking: I’m getting weak.”

“No. You’re showing compassion for your enemy. There is nothing weak about that. It means you have a conscience.”

“We’re taught, conscience is the deepest illness of mankind, robbing you of self-confidence.”

“Conscience is knowing right from wrong, good from evil. If you lose your sense of conscience, what are you left with? Self-confidence is nothing but psychopathy without some form of morality.”

“We were taught in Napola, society forms the moral compass of one’s conscience, and the Jews guided that through religion and guilt.”

Levi openly laughed at that. “Seriously? Germany thinks the Jews molded German society, yet allowed ourselves to be oppressed for two thousand years? And what of American society? Do you think Jews have control over that too? And China? Iran? Africa? South America? Do you think Jews secretly took over the entire world and magically invented human conscience and morality? Please! If Jews really were that amazing, Hitler would hire us, not kill us.”

Eren frowned and said nothing more. Just thinking about the hate Nazis had for Jews made him remember watching Kitz shooting the Jewish prisoners one by one without a shred of remorse. Even killing a rat should make a normal person at least a little sad, let alone murdering a human.

Yet Nazis did not see Jews as fully human. They saw them as worse than rats. Did he feel remorse when he swatted a mosquito? To Kitz and those like him, Jews were a pest and not something to be mourned. In reshaping social morality, Hitler had decreed that killing a Jew was no different from killing an insect.

He rubbed his head. “I hate Nazis,” he whispered.

Levi felt the tension in his back, and he dropped his head. “Join the club.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You’ve already said so. Let’s drop it.”

They rode along in silence, with the rain seeping through Levi’s blanket. He kept his eyes out, checking the shadowy forest, the leafy branches above, and the road under them. There was no way an entire army passed through here. With the rain, they would have seen clear tracks. Still, here were other roads nearby that crossed this forest road.

Levi patted Eren on the back. “Hold up. The forest is ending.”

The horse slowly trotted past the last trees. It was a clearing for a few farms that had carved their way into the Belgium countryside, and up ahead they saw a group of soldiers.

“Americans,” Eren whispered. “I count twenty-seven.”

“No, twenty-nine.” Levi nodded over to a military truck a little closer to the road, and there two men were sitting to have a smoke.

The two men caught sight of Eren and stood, eyes glaring.

“Halt! Where ya boys heading?”

Levi whispered to Eren. “Remember, don’t talk.” Levi then called out in a thick accent and broken English. “Geeentlemen, good day. We jist riding, go to town.”

Eren looked back at Levi with a pinched brow. He _never_ spoke with that thick of an accent.

“Two guys riding one horse?” one of the Americans muttered.

“One horse, _oui_. Bring _les moutons_ up road. Bah-bah black sheep, _oui_?”

The other American rolled his eyes. “Some damn shepherds. Great.”

“Sheep spook easy. You no big army, big boom-booms?”

The two men jostled each other. “Big army,” they chuckled. “America’s army is massive, buddy. We’ve got the biggest _boom-booms_ you’ve ever seen.”

“Where best place for sheep? No want sheep go through big boom-booms.”

One rolled his eyes, but the other stepped forward. “My family raised cows, so I know what you mean about herding dumb animals. You need to drive your sheep through here, but you want to avoid a battlefield, right?”

“ _Oui_ , yes! No big boom-booms for _les moutons_.”

The soldier on the truck let out a groan as he smoked his cigarette. “Man, don’t tell him where the army is. What if he’s a Kraut?”

Eren gulped at that.

The other soldier glared back. “Does he sound German to you? Look, I don’t want Sarge to get mad that there are a few hundred sheep blocking the road. If these guys want to avoid the army, all the better!” He turned back to Levi. “Where are you two heading?”

“We go to Bastogne, then down to Ville de Luxembourg,” Levi replied.

“Okay, Bastogne is east of here. Lemme see.”

The soldier reached into a pack and pulled out a map. He walked up to the horse, and Eren tensed, gripping the reins until his knuckles were white. To be this close to the enemy!

“Yeah, so Bastogne is here. You’ll want to avoid Saint-Hubert and Libramont. Keep north of them, if you can. We’re driving through this country rather quickly, though. Stay off big roads.”

“ _Oui_ , no big roads, that is why we go through forest. No army, no boom-booms.”

The smoking soldier chuckled. “No boom-booms,” he repeated in amusement.

“What about Luxembourg?” asked Levi. “I have family there.”

The soldier shrugged. “With any luck, the Germans there fled and there won’t be fighting. They’ve been hightailing it back to the Siegfried Line the whole time I’ve been here, like we’re chasing a scared flock of goose-stepping cowards.”

Eren held back his rage at the proud Wehrmacht being called cowards, but Levi felt his back stiffen.

“Is good, get Germans out of France.”

The soldier slowly looked up. “You mean Belgium.”

Levi realized too late, they were now in a different country. “ _Oui_ , Belgium too.”

The soldier lowered the map and looked them both over. Then his eyes landed on Eren’s watch.

“Fuck.”

Eren saw the movement, the soldier’s hand reaching down to his gun, and he reacted on instinct. He kicked the man in the chin, sending him flipping. Then he yanked the horse’s reins, giving it a shout, and galloped back down the road. They heard gunshots behind them.

“What the hell, Eren?” Levi screamed.

“My watch. I didn’t take it off.”

Levi looked at Eren’s wrist and saw the issue. On the face of the watch was a swastika.

“You _idiot_ ,” Levi yelled.

They heard the truck’s engine roaring and the sound of shouts, then another bullet exploded through the air. The horse whinnied, but Eren kicked it to keep running.

“We need to warn the others. That’s nothing more than a platoon, probably sent ahead to scout.”

They heard the truck behind them, chasing them down the road and quickly gaining. There were more gunshots, and Eren let out a cry.

“Eren!”

He gritted his teeth and raced back to the main group. They passed the lookout in the trees who shouted out to them. They even heard a gunshot from him, and the horse whinnied loudly again. Finally, Eren saw the first few horses of the German army.

“ _Wir werden angegriffen._ ” We’re under attack.

As he rode through the other soldiers, shouting out the warning that Americans were coming, soldiers rushed ahead with their rifles. Eren rode to where Kitz Woermann was riding in one of the company’s motorcars, being chauffeured along.

“Sir! American troops ahead.”

“How many?”

“Twenty-nine, plus at least one in the trees. They’re not much of a threat.” He took off his watch and handed it over. “If you could hold on to that for me, sir. It’s what gave me away.”

“To catch such a detail, those Americans have good eyes after all.” Kitz shoved the watch into a pocket and began to bark out orders. “Halt the company. Slaughter that patrol, every last one of them. Comb the trees for sharpshooters. Don’t let them send word back. Figure out where the hell the main American army is.”

“Sir! I got some information before they found out what I am. Americans are in Libramont and Saint-Hubert, and Luxembourg City may be under attack. We will need to swing much further east than we planned.”

Kitz sneered as he looked at his own map. “That will add a day to our trip. Dammit! Still, better to know now and conserve on bullets. Good job, Jäger. I guess speaking English has its advantages.” Then his eyes drifted down. “You’re bleeding. Were you shot?”

“Not badly, sir, but I don’t think my horse will continue.”

“Fall back to the medical truck, get that patched up, and trade out your horse. Guess we get horse meat tonight,” he said with a chuckle. “After we deal with these bastards, I want you back up front. See if Arlelt can find us a new route.”

“Aye, sir!”

Eren rode along to the very back of the column where the medical truck was located, but he felt his horse shaking. Glancing, he saw it had been shot a few times in the flanks. The poor thing could not continue for the two hundred kilometers they would be traveling.

He finally saw the truck and recognized some of the company’s medical staff.

“Herr Doctor, I have a small wound. _Hauptmann_ Woermann says to get it patched now.”

“Yes, let’s hurry.”

Eren climbed off his horse and flinched when he landed. Levi finally noticed blood soaking through the fabric of Eren’s trousers.

“Levi,” Eren said quietly, switching to English, “I need to trust you. Go to Armin. Tell him which cities to avoid.”

“How? I don’t speak German.”

“You can point to the map. We don’t have time for me to get patched and also him to create a new route. Also, have one of the other horses ready. Please, I know you have no reason to help me, but can I trust you?”

Levi understood what he meant. Eren was asking him to ride the horse. The chaos made for a perfect time for him to escape, and even with a wounded horse, he could likely get far away. Yet if he did, Eren would definitely get into a lot of trouble.

Levi pursed his lips. “Be honest. How bad is your wound?”

“Barely a scratch,” he said, waving it off.

Despite saying that, Levi saw the blood spreading over Eren’s uniform. “Fine, but you owe me.” He took up the reins. “Been ages since I rode,” he muttered.

He snapped the reins, but he felt the horse struggling onward. The poor beast was doomed, and Levi felt it was ironic that a German horse’s last act would be to carry a Jew so he could help some Nazis.

Levi rode on, weaving between soldiers, some on horse, some on foot racing forward to where the fighting was happening. He saw Connie run by, and the man glanced up at Levi in confusion. Then he saw the truck, and Jean standing up, trying to survey what all the chaos was about.

Jean saw the Jew on the horse, and his mouth dropped. “ _Was zum Teufel?_ ” What the devil?

Levi reined in to a stop in front of him, but the Jew spoke in rapid English. He heard Eren’s name, but Jean could not make out more than a few words.

“Armin?” Jean called over. If anyone had a chance of making out this barbaric language, it was him.

Armin came over, and Jean heard the Jew switching to French. Armin’s French was elementary, but at least he had made a diligent attempt to learn the language, thinking it would be helpful while in France. He only stopped studying when he realized this Jew would likely be shot if he was not useful anymore. Armin really was too good for this world, to stop his love of studying just to save a man’s life.

Armin finally looked up. “If I’m getting it right, Eren was shot, not badly, but the horse can’t ride anymore. Get Marlo’s horse ready.”

“Eren was _shot_?” Jean cried out. “What the hell is happening up front?”

“Eren found some Americans and they opened fire.”

“That suicidal idiot, riding up front.” Jean jumped out of the truck and looked over the horse. “Yeah, three shots to the flank. We could patch this, but we don’t have time.” He stroked the horse’s nose. “Poor thing. This isn’t even fatal, except for being in a rush and having too far for you to go. I almost wish there was a farm nearby to take you in, girl.”

Armin smiled at Jean’s love for horses. His father had been a veterinarian, and Jean had learned in his clinic. Eren teased Jean sometimes, calling him a horse-face, but Jean really did love animals.

Jean led the horse to the food truck (might as well butcher it while they were waiting) and saddled up one of the spare horses. Meanwhile, Armin tried to speak with Levi in what limited French he knew. Levi could not tell him much about Eren, but Armin guessed enough, knowing Eren as well as he did. The wound was probably a lot worse than he would admit, yet he was planning to continue.

Levi pulled out the map and began to point. Through pantomime, Armin was able to mark where American troops were.

“Well, of course they would send scouts this way,” he muttered. “We should have headed north. We can’t stop in Bastogne anymore. We’re moving slower than I expected, and now this. It’ll be an extra day of travel at least, but we won’t know where the Americans are by the time we reach Luxembourg. Should we hope they pass it and angle south, or hope to beat them and head further east? East is a gamble, but south is definitely enemy territory. The extra time for a gamble is worth it. Better to be safe and plan to move around the main cities. At this point, it’s ridiculous to go to Metz at all, we could be in Germany in a day, but orders are orders.”

At last, the new horse was saddled, and Armin had redrawn the map. Not trusting Levi, Jean took the reins and led the horse to the medical truck. Not only was Eren being treated, but two others who had been shot in the confrontation were being patched up.

Eren looked like he was arguing with a doctor, wanting to be released while the medic was firmly against the idea. As Levi came up on the horse, Eren stopped yelling.

Eren could not help but gaze in amazement. Levi looked so handsome on that horse, like a warrior out of the past.

“Hey, idiot,” Jean yelled, snapping Eren out of his thoughts. “Who screwed up: you or the Jew?”

“Ah,” Eren said, looking awkward. “That was me. I left my watch on, and the Americans noticed the swastika. Actually, Levi was doing a great job playing a French peasant. He was really convincing.”

Jean weighed those words. “Okay, fine, so he’s still useful.”

Eren wondered what Jean would have done if he had thought Levi was at fault. “I need to get back out there.”

Jean shoved Eren flat onto the medical cot. “They’re still fighting. Rest until we’re done.”

“I can fight—”

“Rest!” Jean shouted. “I hate the idea, but we need you alive. You’re the only asshole here who speaks English, besides a smelly, wretched Jew.”

Eren was stunned. Jean had never spoken so poorly of Levi or any Jew before. Then he realized they were not around their own platoon. Around everyone else, they had to act like they barely tolerated Levi being in their presence.

“Fine, I’ll rest, only because I want to live long enough to kill that Jew myself.”

“Exactly. Think of something creative and painful.” Jean sighed. Even saying that felt disgusting to him. “Armin has a new route.” Jean yanked the map out of the saddle bag and handed it to Eren. “Study it while you wait. I’m going back to Armin, see what’s on the radio. Pray to God that the Americans don’t call in reinforcements.”

Then Jean left, and Levi was left sitting on the horse next to the truck crammed full of medical boxes and equipment. Up ahead, he heard gunshots. The fight would be over quickly with just thirty Americans, but the problem was if they were close enough to radio anyone. They would need to move on, and quickly.

“Levi,” Eren whispered, drawing his attention over. His eyes were focused on the map, but Levi could tell that he was barely seeing it. “I’m glad you weren’t shot. It must have just barely missed you.” A smile twitched on his lips. “That’s good.”

“You were shot, idiot. Don’t be happy about that.”

Still, Eren was glad it was him, not Levi. When he had turned that horse around and galloped off, he thought about that. Levi was now a human shield to him. He could get shot, blocking the bullets from Eren. When he felt the bullet tear through his thigh, he at first feared Levi had also been hit, so when he realized the Jew was unharmed, the pain no longer mattered. He felt immense relief that Levi was safe.

The fighting up ahead took less than an hour. By then, Eren was testing out his leg.

“I’d never be able to walk that far,” he muttered, “but riding a horse will be okay.”

Levi held his arm, looking deeply concerned as Eren hobbled up to the horse and flinched to mount the saddle.

“The rain should wash the blood out of your clothes,” Levi muttered, “but hopefully anyone we meet doesn’t see your left side.”

“Then I’ll show them my good side.”

Levi shook his head at how lighthearted he could be after having been shot, but perhaps it was how he had been trained. An officer should never show panic in times of crisis.

He climbed behind Eren, and together they trotted on to the front. The Germans were beginning to move forward, slowly and gradually. Eren glanced to the side of the forest road and saw the bloodied uniform of the treetop lookout who had flashed them a peace sign.

“Happy victory,” Eren said in quiet irony. “ _Die Amerikaner werden nicht die Sieger dieses Krieges sein._ ” The Americans will not be the victors of this war.

He rode on. Up ahead, the Germans were stripping the dead American platoon, laughing at they took guns as trophies, gathered ammunition, picked through food stores, and even siphoning the gas out of their vehicles, to be used to refill their own trucks.

“Looting the dead,” Levi muttered.

“They won’t need their guns anymore,” Eren said coldly.

They rode on past the soldiers, and soon it was quiet forests again. Both said nothing for a long time, riding along, keeping their eyes out for more trouble.

# # #

# #

#

_I got a lovely piece of fan art from[Yaoi-Lover-Bro of Eren and Levi on the walk to Metz](https://yaoi-lover-bro.tumblr.com/post/638810991357984768/wildrhov-i-hope-you-get-to-see-this-heres-the). The suspenders are kinda hot, no? Levi actually doesn’t get the cap until a few chapters later (I’m posting this from a few months in the future, wooooo) and Eren should have a blue shirt and jacket, but it’s still awesome. It’s such an amazing feeling, being able to inspire talented artists._

[ ](https://imgur.com/a/H0t8THE)

_[I made a map Armin would be proud of](https://tinyurl.com/yac3ylyg). The purple is the normal route to Metz. It would take 3 hours by car, 13 hours by bicycle, and 35 hours to walk. The blue route shows Armin’s adjustments. He swerves north of Libramont, Saint-Hubert, and Bastogne, and keeps northeast of Luxembourg City since there might be fighting going on by the time they get there. I used any WWII maps I could find to avoid known locations of Allied troops on these days, all while using walking paths and forest roads so they would be less likely to be spotted. This route would take 55 hours to walk, so it’ll be a few days of traveling._

_**Chateau-Thierry, Reims, and Verdun** – Levi was looking at the movement of the American [XX Corps](http://xxcorps.org/), part of General Patton’s Third Army, as it rapidly pushed through France, sometimes liberating a new city every other day. The problem with Patton’s fast push was a lack of fuel supplies. The French Resistance had blown up rail lines prior to D-Day to deplete German resources, but that same damage that helped the Allies get a footing in continental Europe now made fueling the tanks and trucks a huge problem. Parts of the Third Army would end up paralyzed through much of September and spent the rest of 1944 suffering from a lack of fuel and bullets._

_**Cigarette Without a Label** – In World War II, the U.S. Army issued a 4-pack of cigarettes with their daily rations. (It was believed to be healthy.) Back then, there were no filters on cigarettes, so they could be smoked from either end. However, Lucky Strike stamped their label on one end of the cigarettes. If a soldier was interrupted and dropped the cigarette he was smoking, the Germans could tell what country they were from by the label. To make sure soldiers smoked the label first, they flipped all the cigarettes in the pack but one. That would be their final cigarette of the day, smoked when they could relax and fully enjoy the cigarette all the way to the end. If they lived long enough to smoke that final cigarette in the pack with “LUCKY STRIKE” on their lips, it was their “lucky cigarette.” The tradition continues as a sort of talisman among veterans and civilians alike, although by the Vietnam War American cigarettes had filters and could only be smoked one direction, so only one cigarette gets flipped now. I remember my grandfather, a WWII veteran, would flip one cigarette in his pack and save it as his “lucky cigarette.”_

_**V sign** – The “V for victory” hand gesture was introduced in 1941 as part of an Allied campaign. Two fingers with the palm facing toward the signer is an insulting hand gesture in parts of England, Ireland, South Africa, Australia, and New Zealand. This is why Levi mistakes it for an insult at first, but Eren happily flashes it around._

_**Conscience in Nazi Germany** – I discussed this a little earlier. In fact, Eren summarizes something Kitz told him. Nazis twisted many of Nietzsche’s philosophies into antisemitic rhetoric, and promoted ideas he had while missing the entire point Nietzsche was trying to make. This included ideas of banishing conscience and guilt. Nietzsche’s point was that the moral content of our conscience is formed under the influence of society during our childhood, and for society to exist, humanity’s natural instincts of aggression and cruelty had to be turned inward, and “guilt” was created as a way for those in power to hold a debt over those not in power. Conscience is not an innate moral feeling placed in one’s heart by a god, but a chain created by society so it could continue to exist. Nazis took this a step further and declared that guilt was a Jewish construct, and “conscience” was created by arbrahamic religions to suppress the people. Thus, everyone should cast aside the enslaving sense of conscience for a new set of morals cultivated by Aryans for Aryans. This is an easy way to have an entire population stand by as horrific acts happen. If they feel guilt or disgust, you claim they were weakened by Jews and say their sense of morality is a product of the enemy; if they gleefully follow orders that are heinous, you reward them and tell them they’re being a good little Aryan. It was a complete restructuring of social morality, and THAT is a terrifying power to wield._

_Levi mocking “ **Do you think Jews secretly took over the entire world** ” is sadly precisely what [many antisemitic conspiracy theory groups believe](https://eraoflight.com/2019/09/11/exposing-the-cabal-illuminati-deep-state-globalists-and-global-elites-that-rule-the-world/). People buy into [many colorful theories](https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/conspiracy-theories-the-jews/), like Jews took over the Illuminati, the Deep State is headquartered in Israel, Jews were behind the 9/11 attacks on America, Jews plan to use 5G to depopulate the world and take over with a one-world government, and National Vanguard declared that Jews are the most powerful and dangerous group in the world. (I won’t link to them, or any of the organizations that have been categorized as “hate groups” in America.) So yes, Levi … Hitler really did believe Jews took over the world. Millions of Jews died because of these beliefs, and Jews to this day are hated due to cock-brained conspiracy theories._

__

**[ _Horses in World War II_ ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horses_in_World_War_II) ** _– While movies love to show World War II being all about tanks, trucks, and airplanes, horses played a huge role in transporting supplies and troops. Germany arguably had superior machinery, but they were used sparingly due to a severe oil shortage. So of the 264 German divisions active in late 1944, only 42 were armored or mechanized. The Germans used 2,750,000 horses and mules, especially for foot infantry, like Eren’s company. With horses, soldiers did not have to rely on petrol, did not have to worry as much about the terrain, and in a pinch, the meat could be eaten. The real advantage for Eren’s company in this situation is the noise. Although 100 horses trotting down the road are not exactly silent, it is still far less noisy than 100 motorcycles and trucks._

* * *

**How Oil Defeated the Axis**

German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel wrote: “The battle is fought and decided by the quartermasters before the shooting begins.” In other words, logistics and supply lines win a battle, not bullets. As romantic as it is to prioritize the warrior, knight, or soldier, the person doing the fighting needs to have food, weapons, and a means of getting onto the battlefield. It takes supplies, and that takes money. As my World History professor repeated a dozen times every lecture: “Follow the money!” This is especially true for _black gold_ : oil.

In modern warfare, the mightiest planes, tanks, and ships are useless without oil. Yet all three of the major Axis countries (Germany, Italy, Japan) had a similar weakness: they were not self-sufficient in petroleum. Adolf Hitler said, “To fight, we must have oil for our machine.”

Many of the battles in World War II were for a single reason: oil.

  * Invading Romania: Hitler wanted the oil fields.
  * The Battle of Stalingrad: diverting the Russian Army from the Caucasus Mountains so Germany could tap into Russian oil.
  * The fighting in North Africa: a push toward the Suez Canal in hopes of getting to Middle Eastern oil.
  * The Battle of the Bulge: the German’s main goal was the port of Antwerp, which the Allies were using to bring in oil for their tanks. No port big enough for an oil tanker = no gas in the Sherman tanks.



Even German economics of the 1930s into the 1940s were a series of sweetheart deals with Iran and Venezuela in hopes of getting access to their oil, or at least convince them to make it more expensive for the Allies.

In the months leading up to Operation Overlord (D-Day), the Allies realized that the Germans were building planes and tanks faster than they could bomb the factories and military installations making them, so they switched tactics. If they couldn’t destroy the war machine, they would bleed it dry. They bombed the oil fields of Romania, cutting Germany off from their biggest supplier of petrol. This left Germany with a massive oil shortage throughout the rest of the war, and this was a direct reason why some of their offenses, like the Battle of the Bulge, failed. They simply ran out of gas.

 **Even Japan was all about oil.** What was going on in Europe was having direct effects on colonial holdings in the South Pacific. When Germany invaded France in 1940, part of their armistice with the Vichy Government was to allow them to keep their colonies, since Germany did not have the fleet power to defend the South Pacific. However, the French no longer had the strength either. The French colonies were under-defended, and Japan was eager to grow as a world power. They surged over the French colonies.

This rapid expansion worried the United States, since they also had colonies in the South Pacific. After many warnings to cease their imperialistic expansion, President Roosevelt placed a limit on exports to Japan. Japan gambled that an alliance with Germany and Italy would convince the isolationist Americans to back off—in 1940, the United States was still determined not to get directly involved in the war—so Japan signed the Tripartite Pact, officially joining the Axis. Far from scaring the Americans into submission, Roosevelt dealt Japan a death-blow: an embargo on American oil being shipped to Japan.

Japan imported 97% of their oil, with 80% coming from the United States and 20% from the Dutch East Indies (modern-day Indonesia). America convinced the Dutch government-in-exile (who kept their colonies after Queen Wilhelmina escaped the Nazis) to break their economic pact with Japan and join them in the embargo. This meant Japan was completely cut off from the oil they needed to fight and simply _function_. Roosevelt had hoped that cutting off their oil supply would force Japan into a ceasefire, yet it would also completely cripple their economy. (“Follow the money.”)

This happened in August 1941. Japan had only one year of stockpiled oil. At the time, the Dutch East Indies was the fourth largest exporter of oil in the world (behind the U.S., Iran, and Romania; the Middle East had not tapped into their oil fields yet). The American-controlled Philippines stood between those oil fields and Japan.

NOT going to war with the colonial forces was simply not an option anymore, not with Japan’s entire economy riding on how soon the oil stockpile was used up. They were left with one choice: get control of those oil-rich lands and secure the shipping lines between Indonesia and Japan before a year was up. They had a very narrow time table for action, so their strikes had to be swift and precise.

On December 7, 1941, Japan attacked the naval base in Pearl Harbor, temporarily immobilizing the American fleet. While emotionally devastating to the Americans who had been trying to stay out of the war, the attack was purely a cover for their real offensive: those South Pacific oil fields. Within hours of the attack on Pearl Harbor, Japan launched attacks on the Philippines, Guam, Wake Island, and the British holdings in Malaya, Singapore, and Hong Kong. This opened up a direct sea route to the Dutch East Indies, while America’s fleet was still largely paralyzed and unable to come to their aid.

The Dutch knew that agreeing with the American oil embargo would lead to war, so as early as November, they had mobilized their fleet, preparing to attack Japan. Then on December 8th, they declared war on Japan, not yet knowing that _just hours earlier_ , Japan had attacked Pearl Harbor and destroyed much of America’s Pacific fleet, which the Dutch had expected to rely upon. This preemptive move has led to many historical debates (and a military tribunal) on whether Japan’s attack on the Dutch East Indies was a “war of aggression” or self-defense, since technically the Dutch declared war on Japan first.

Without the American fleet to lend aid, on March 1942, [Dutch forces in colonial Indonesia surrendered](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dutch_East_Indies_campaign), and Japan occupied the oil fields. It was a race and a gamble that worked, getting rid of Japan’s biggest obstacles and securing the oil in Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, and Indonesia.

America retaliated with a highly successful submarine campaign along the shipping lines, targeting and destroying Japanese oil tankers. This slowly suffocated Japan from its oil lifelines. By 1945, Japan’s economy collapsed. Fuel for the Japanese air force and navy was drastically rationed, until they simply could not fuel up their planes and ships. Without oil, Japan drew back, preparing to defend their island from a full invasion, even without planes or tanks. Instead of a full invasion, America dropped two nuclear bombs. Realizing the loss of life was far too high, and they could not fight this sort of war without even basic supplies, Japan surrendered.

When you step back from bland history books with their mind-numbing lists of battles and dates, when you look at WHY battles happened, WHY that location, WHY at this particular time, you’ll see that Field Marshal Erwin Rommel was right: it’s all about logistics, supplies, and the money needed to keep the war machine running. Both Imperial Japan and Nazi Germany embarked upon wars of conquest for access to oil, yet ultimately it was shortages of this _black gold_ that contributed to each nation’s defeat. Whether it’s modern fighting in the Middle East, or 1940s fighting in Indonesia and Romania, just “follow the money” and you’ll see why humans fight: a constant struggle for resources, supply and demand.


	25. Witlof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night of their flight to Metz has come. Eren and Levi escape the rain in the Reeves house, where they are welcomed with open arms and hot food.

Luckily, the rest of that day went without incident. Armin’s map took them much farther north than they had anticipated, up steep hills of the Ardennes, avoiding the city of Saint-Hubert.

It was getting dark when the forests opened to farmland, and the sun had already set when Eren rode into a town. He looked at his map again. Armin had marked to stop there for the night. It was not a huge buffer between them and an approaching army, but with any luck, they were slightly ahead of the Americans.

Eren was now glad he was riding ahead, and he was dressed as an average traveler. No one paid much attention to him, other than a glance at seeing two men riding one horse. He rode through the village, hoping to find a tavern, inn, or anything useful. As he reached the end of the village without seeing anything promising, he came to a halt and frowned.

“No hotel,” Levi muttered. “Not surprising. Even if a village like this ever had one, it probably closed up when the war began.” He saw a man out on his porch smoking and watching the rain. “ _Monsieur, parlez-vous français?_ ” Sir, do you speak French?

The man muttered, “ _Assez bien_.” Well enough.

Eren stayed quiet as they spoke. Finally, Levi whispered, “Turn back around. He told me of a house we can try, a man named Dimo Reeves. He’s either the mayor or a really important businessman, it’s hard to tell with that accent and using some strange slang. If not him, then the church should at least take us in out of the rain.”

They rode back, and Levi told him which house to look for. They saw it, one of the larger houses in town, and it looked cozy as the night got darker. Levi dismounted and went up to the door. Golden light poured out, and Eren could smell something good cooking. A balding, overweight man answered. To Eren’s surprise, he sounded excited to have guests and waved them forward. A freckle-faced redhead young man came out to get the horse. Eren flinched as he slid off the saddle, and he hissed at the pain in his leg. He limped up to the porch, where he and Levi stomped and scraped off as much mud from their boots as they could.

Stepping inside, a jolly middle-aged woman, even fatter than her husband, came up to them, speaking in something that almost sounded familiar to Eren.

Dimo warned her, “ _Spreek Frans, schat._ ”

How close that was to German! Was this Dutch?

Dimo turned to the two of them and seemed to be apologizing for his wife. She gushed in excitement as she took Eren’s leather coat, and awkwardly she took the rain-soaked blanket Levi had wrapped up in.

With halting words and a strong accent, she said, “ _Je vais les mettre près du feu_.” I’ll put them near the fire.

Then Dimo led Levi and Eren upstairs. Eren limped up the steps, really starting to regret thinking he was _lucky_ to have only been shot in the leg. They were shown to a room with two beds, which Levi assured was enough.

Eren walked in without a thanks and collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. Levi shook his head and apologized to Dimo. He was then led on a little tour around the house while Eren refused to move. The bed was soft, the air had a gentle fragrance, and hearing the jolly voices was somehow soothing.

He rolled back into a sitting position and looked down at his leg, worried that blood might have gotten on the nice quilted blanket. Luckily, although there was a tear in the gray trousers and a dark stain from blood, it had not rubbed off. He would have really felt bad if he had ruined some nice family’s quilt.

Levi returned and saw Eren flinching as he rubbed out his thigh. “Are you okay?”

“My leg is throbbing,” he grumbled.

“I told them you were shot by bandits as we rode through the Ardennes. They’re fetching medicine and bandages.”

“That’s nice, but the company should be arriving soon. They have medical supplies.”

Levi walked to a fireplace in the room and piled on some quartered logs. “Eren, don’t take this the wrong way—actually, by all means _do—_ I don’t think we should let this family know what you are?”

 _What he was?_ Eren’s eyes narrowed. “Do you mean German? Why not? The others should be here within the hour.”

“Exactly.” He struck a match and caught some kindling ablaze. “A company of soldiers is going to come clomping up that road, it’ll scare a lot of people, and I’d rather not get kicked out into the rain, especially not with you wounded.”

“I have to report to the captain when he arrives, and I can’t just not talk all night, even if I have no clue what these people are saying.”

“Actually, there’s an easy way to get around all these problems.” Levi took a poker and shifted the kindling around to catch more of the logs on fire. He knew Eren would get upset as soon as he confessed this. “I told them you’re an American journalist covering the war.”

“Levi!”

“Well, they’re going to hear us speaking in English, so I had to tell them something. This way, when the army arrives and you sneak out, I can tell them that you’re hoping to write a good story for the newspaper.”

“What does it matter if they know I’m a soldier? We’re leaving in the morning.”

“Would you let a _British_ soldier sleep under your roof?”

Eren’s mouth clamped shut. “No,” he grumbled. “I’d shoot him on the spot.”

“Exactly, and I’ve almost been shot twice today. I’d rather not see if third time’s the charm.”

Eren jolted at the phrase. “Third time is … a charm?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “It’s an English saying. Anyway, if they think I’m French and you’re an American, maybe these people will talk, perhaps even tell us more news about the war. We could say you got separated from the platoon you were tailing as a journalist, and if they know where the nearest American troops are so you can find your way back.”

Eren had to admit, that was brilliant foresight. “Levi, you would make a very good spy.”

He scoffed at that. “I’m just trying to stay alive.” Seeing that the fire was well on its way, he hung up the poker and rose to his feet. “Now, there’s a toilet right across the hall. Take a bath, and be careful about that wound. Hopefully, we will have bandages by the time you’re done.”

“Actually…” Eren flopped back on the bed. “I just want to sleep.”

“At the very least, get out of those filthy clothes. The husband said he would see if there’s anything for us to wear while our clothes dry, but given that the whole family looks fat, I doubt anything will fit.”

Eren said nothing and rested his eyes, trying to shove away the pain. Levi sighed in sympathy and took a towel folded by a small wash basin. He walked up to the bed and wiped Eren’s face and hair.

“If you don’t dry off, you’ll catch a cold.”

Teal eyes opened in surprise, but Levi’s face remained neutral as he stroked the cloth back. Eren whispered, “Thank you.”

Levi’s face barely moved, but Eren saw a gulp getting caught in his throat. “You’re like a little boy.”

Eren hummed, enjoying the feel of Levi caring for him. “Do you like that about me?”

Levi’s eyes turned to meet his gaze, and Eren thought he saw his lips twitching slightly. “Get out of your clothes,” he whispered.

Eren’s breath caught.

“I’ll place them by the fire. You need to dry off.”

His heart calmed back down. Eren wished this was a slightly different scenario, and Levi was saying that in a warmer tone. Despite aching fatigue, he sat up. He started with his shirt, but his cold, rain-puckered fingertips struggled with the buttons.

“Che! Are you so childish, you can’t even do this much?”

Eren was going to protest that after a day of holding onto reins and his hands being soaked for hours, his fingers needed time to warm up so they would work right. However, before he could speak, Levi leaned in and began to undo them for him. Eren watched as Levi stood so close to him. His heart pounded again, and he licked his lips. Kisses from last night raced through his mind.

After getting the last button, Levi leaned up, their eyes met, and their faces were so close they could feel each other’s breaths. Levi reached forward and placed his hands on Eren’s chest, right between the opened panels of the shirt. Slowly, he pushed the fabric aside, sliding his hands along his chest, up to his shoulders, and down his arms, languidly feeling the muscular biceps. Eren gasped at the pleasure of slowly being undressed. Levi’s eyes burned into him, and that sharp gaze alone made Eren want to whimper.

Then Levi dropped to his knees. Eren made another tiny gasp, but he realized Levi had bent over to unlace his boots. Eren finished removing his shirt, and once the boots were loosened, he pushed them off.

“Socks too, or you’ll get trench foot.”

Eren had no idea what _trench foot_ was, but he removed the socks. They plopped down moistly to the ground.

“Let me see your leg.”

Biting his lip, especially with Levi still on his knees in front of him, Eren loosened his belt, unzipped the trousers, and shifted his hips so he could pull them off. Levi took the trousers as they passed the knees, and slowly he slid them off Eren’s legs.

Eren stared, hardly believing this was happening, and unsure about what he should do next. He just sat there, his heart thumping, his lungs burning for more air, his mind racing, his whole body thrumming as he sat on the edge of the bed, wearing nothing but his pale cotton boxers, with Levi kneeling right in front of him.

Levi’s hand stretched forward and touched his thigh right next to the bandage. Eren flinched, partly from the shock of Levi touching him, partly from pain.

“It’s inflamed. Hopefully they’ll bring some antiseptic.”

Eren could barely hear him over his racing heart. Levi’s hand caressed all around the bandage, feeling the heat of the reddened skin, but all Eren could feel was that soothing touch. He averted his eyes, knowing his body was reacting. He couldn’t help it!

Levi also noticed, and he stared at the stiffness in the boxers getting longer, rising higher.

“Such a little boy,” he teased.

His hand slid up Eren’s thigh, closer and closer. Eren slammed his eyes shut and let out a whimper. The stiffness twitched. Levi looked up and saw the agonized pleasure in Eren’s face. How tempting!

Then he heard a pan clanking downstairs, and his hand slid back. He pulled away, resting on the heels of his feet.

“Not today,” he whispered.

Eren opened his eyes, torn with desire but nodding in agreement. They were staying in some strangers’ house. They had to watch themselves.

Levi stood and gazed down at Eren. “Bundle up.”

Purely to hide from the embarrassment, Eren quickly hid under the blankets and yanked them up to his chin. He reached down, wishing he could shove that erection away. Meanwhile, Levi swooped down to gather the wet clothes and walked over to the fireplace. Eren watched as he laid out the clothes.

“Thank you.”

Levi looked back, seeing Eren still had flushed cheeks. He focused back on the clothes, chiding himself for what he had done. Why had he acted that way? It was so dangerous! Yet he had wanted to, and he very nearly did more. Levi gnashed his teeth, shook his head, and silently cursed himself.

 _Putain, je suis trop stupide. Très, très, très stupide._ Fuck, I am so stupid. Very, very, very stupid!

After admonishing himself, Levi walked back to the bed. The childlike flush to Eren’s cheeks and the innocent humiliation in his teal eyes softened Levi’s heart once again. Why did he feel so strongly like he had to protect this man? He placed a hand on Eren’s forehead and smoothed back some wet strands of hair.

“Take a little nap.”

Eren smiled in bliss, and with the softness of the pillow, his eyes began to drift down. Levi watched until he saw Eren sink deeper, his face turning slack, and his breath getting steady and heavy. Once he was sure he was asleep, he leaned over and placed a small kiss on Eren’s forehead. He gazed down at that innocent, sleeping face.

In a breathy whisper, he muttered, “ _Je me déteste d’avoir ces sentiments._ ” I hate myself for having these feelings. Still, he stroked back Eren’s brow, and a wistful smile struggled to fight the scowl on his lips, twisting his face into a battlefield of emotions, as he whispered with endearment, “ _Mon petit gamin._ ” My little boy.

* * *

Eren woke up still feeling gentle touches on his head, until he wondered if any time had passed at all. However, he realized his hair felt dry now. He wanted to just lie there, fingers smoothing back his brow, and revel in that tender touch.

“I know you’re awake.”

His eyes slowly lifted, and he saw Levi sitting by his side. He was wearing different clothes, a plain brown outfit with a white collar, and he smelled faintly of soap.

“The company?” Eren asked drowsily.

“They never arrived. Either they’re really far behind, or they stopped in the village we passed up the road. It was late when we got here, so I’m guessing they stopped once it got too dark for the horses.”

“ _Verdammt_.” Eren raised up. “I should ride back, see if they’re safe.”

“You need to eat, and I have bandages to dress your wound.”

“That can wait.”

“You feel feverish. Your leg might be infected.”

“My men come first!” he snapped.

“Take care of yourself before you worry about them,” Levi shouted. “Besides, what if they’ve been attacked?”

“All the more reason to ride back.”

“You’re safe _here_.”

Eren shook his head and stubbornly stood up. Levi suddenly grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t go!”

Eren spun around. The way Levi shouted that was not just in anger. It was tinged with fear, pleading more than ordering. Although Levi’s eyes were as narrow and glaring as ever, there was a twitch to his jaw that gave away his feelings.

“We’re safe here,” Levi said softer, and the grip on Eren’s wrist slid down to hold his fingers. “Just for one night. _This_ night, especially.”

This night. After having most of his fellow Jews slaughtered, Eren did not blame Levi for wanting to stay away from Germans, to sleep in a bed where he felt safe from the horrors. His heart ached to think how Levi had been forced to press on, to walk away from the bodies of his comrades and help the enemy, just so he could survive a little longer.

Eren let out a sigh and gave him an apologetic smile. “I guess I could use some food first.”

He saw Levi’s shoulders sag in relief, and he released Eren’s hand. “Supper is ready. Wash up first. I already took a bath, so make sure you get yours. There are clothes.” Levi grumbled, “They’ll fit you slightly better than me.”

Eren arched an eyebrow as he looked a little closer at the brown outfit Levi was wearing. At first, he thought it was a nightgown, but now he realized it buttoned all the way down and had a feminine white collar. “Is that … a dress?”

“It belongs to their daughter. At least she’s not fat. I could fit my entire body in one leg hole of that man’s trousers. This was the best they could do for me. It’s hospitality, so I’m not going to complain.”

Eren nodded in agreement. Anything was better than wearing wet clothes. He walked over to a pile of spare clothes warming up by the fireplace and left for the bathroom. Levi walked over to the window and peered out into the rainy night.

For a moment, he had feared that if he let Eren ride out into that darkness, he might never see him again. While that would mean he was free from Nazi oppression, he also strongly did not want Eren to die out there.

He hated that growing warmth in his chest. He could have escaped a million times over that day. He thought about it more than once: sitting behind Eren, he could have used his knife to slit his throat, or simply snapped his neck, thrown his body to the wayside, and then he had a horse. He could have used the map in his saddlebag to make it back west, headed to the coast, where he could get a boat and get the hell out of Europe.

Instead, he had felt happy holding around Eren’s waist and resting his cheek on his strong back.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” he whispered.

He fled the worrying thoughts and went downstairs, into the cheery warmth of the family’s parlor. Their son, Flegel, was sitting by a fine colorful glass lamp reading a newspaper. He looked old enough to get married but was so fat and unattractive, likely even the family’s wealth could not secure him a wife.

“Is he awake yet?” he asked, sounding grumpy. “I’m hungry. Mother won’t let us eat until he comes to the table.”

“He’s washing up. His leg needs to be clean before he gets an infection.”

“You said he was shot in the forest. Bandits, was it?”

“I assume so, but I didn’t exactly stop to ask. Could’ve been Germans for all I know. As soon as we heard the gunshots, we got the hell out of there.”

“On that horse? She’s a mighty fine mare, gotta say. Don’t see horses like her that often.”

Levi merely mumbled, “Americans must have good taste.” He walked away before the young man asked too many questions.

The table was already set. Levi had learned a little about this family while Eren slept. The wife, Doortje, was from the north, primarily spoke Dutch, and when she spoke French it was with a very strong accent. The husband, Dimo, had lived his whole life in this town and was the wealthiest businessman, as well as the mayor, which was why one of the locals said to ask him about shelter. The house they were in had belonged to the Reeves family for three hundred years, and Dimo had bragged that they were Belgian nobility on his mother’s side.

Their son Flegel helped around the house and was poised to take over the family business. They also had a twelve-year-old daughter, Lieke. She sat in a wheelchair and stared out with blank expressions, other than an occasional random outburst.

Levi was glad when he heard the whole family speaking of Lieke with endearment. They apologized for her condition, but Levi waved it off. Not everyone was born to walk and speak. Some were born to teach love and compassion to others.

Eren came downstairs, his hair damp, suspenders holding up enormous trousers that sagged everywhere, but he was glad to be clean and wearing warm, dry clothes. As Levi saw him limping on his leg, he rushed forward, worried if Eren could walk. Eren smiled to see the worry pinching his brow, but suddenly he heard a bombastic outburst of a laugh from the parlor. He yanked away from Levi’s helping hands, startled by the sound.

“What was that?” he whispered.

“The daughter. She does that,” Levi explained. “You should have heard her laugh at me when I came down wearing one of her dresses.”

Eren saw her now, a girl with limp blond hair, her head slumped to the side like she had no will to hold it upright. Her eyes were glazed, looking in his direction without meeting his face, and an unnaturally wide smile showed off her crooked teeth. That outburst had been a punch of emotional reaction bubbling to the surface, and now she was still again.

“Don’t stare; it’s rude,” Levi whispered.

“What’s wrong with her?” Eren asked in shock.

“What’s wrong with _you_?” Levi snapped. “I didn’t ask, and neither should you.”

They walked together to the table, where Eren gladly sat and stretched out his leg. Dimo, Doortje, and Flegel took their seats, and all bowed their heads.

Eren had been about to reach for his cup to drink, but he jolted to a halt. Prayer!

He was glad to be with a family that prayed before meals, just like when he was growing up and his father said grace over each meal. In Napola, they had been discouraged from doing so, seeing it as a distracting weakness. Food was meant to build an Aryan’s body to be stronger, nothing holy about it, just balanced nutrition after hard work. In the military, they rarely prayed, either eating their food as quickly as they could, or too busy teasing one another to bother with niceties. Eren had privately said prayers over some of his meals, but never as a group like this.

As Dimo recited a prayer in French, Eren glanced beside him, worried if Levi would pray or not. To his surprise, he had folded his hands and closed his eyes. Maybe he was saying a different prayer, but Eren’s cheeks warmed to see a little solace in that relaxed face.

After an _amen_ , they ate. It was a bowl filled with mashed potatoes, some pale leafy vegetable wrapped with thin slices of meat, and baked in a pale sauce. Although it did not look exactly _appetizing_ , as Eren took a bite, he was pleasantly surprised.

“What is this?” he asked.

Levi turned to the family and asked. Doortje began to gush out her recipe in Dutch.

“ _Witlof met ham en kaas uit de oven. Gewoon een witlofstronkje inwikkelen met ham. Ik maakte een mornaysaus. Dat is een bechamelsaus met heel veel kaas._ ”

Levi merely raised an eyebrow, and Dimo laughed with an awkward apology.

“ _C’est-à-dire que c’est de la chicon au gratin, d’endives belges à la sauce béchamel avec du fromage. Ma femme fait les meilleures sauces._ ” That is to say, it is chicory au gratin, Belgian endives in bechamel sauce with cheese. My wife makes the best sauces.

“ _Endives? C’est quoi, cette viande?_ ” Endives? What is this meat?

“ _C’est du jambon._ ”

Levi let out a sigh and looked at the bowl. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Why?” asked Eren. “Is it disgusting?”

“No. Do you know what endives are?”

“I’ve never had it, but we call it _endivie_.”

“It’s that, with potatoes, a cheese white sauce … and it has ham.”

Eren wondered why Levi said that with a frown—the sweetly savory ham and cheese sauce really balanced the bitterness of the endives—until it suddenly dawned on him.

“Jews can’t have ham.”

“Not like it matters,” Levi grumbled. “I ate ham most of my life. A little now isn’t going to make much difference. I’ll pray for forgiveness another day.”

Saying that, he dug into the meal. Eren felt sorry for him, though. As hungry as Levi obviously was, Eren had seen a moment of regret and hesitation when he heard what was in the meal. Still, he left the religious restrictions to him, and he thanked the family.

“Tell them I think it’s good.”

“ _Il dit que c’est savoureux._ ”

“ _Mon ami élève des cochons._ ”

Levi turned to Eren. “He says, his friend breeds pigs. Lucky us.”

Eren ignored the coldness of Levi’s tone and smiled at the Reeves family. “Thank you. _Merci_.”

Doortje beamed with glowing pride.

Dimo said slowly, “ _Alors_ , you … American, yes?”

Eren held back a sigh and simply nodded. He had to play a role tonight.

“ _Vous êtes journaliste._ ” He made a hand motion like writing with a pen.

“Yes, apparently now I’m a journalist for the Americans.”

Levi kicked him under the table. If he was going to act a part, he had to do it right, not grumbling in a halfhearted way.

Flegel muttered, “ _Très fort accent pour un Américain._ ” Very thick accent for an American.

“Flegel,” the father scolded.

Levi quickly covered for Eren. “ _Sa famille vient du Michigan. Il a dit qu’il y avait beaucoup d’Allemands et de Polonais y vivaient. Vraiment, je peux à peine le comprendre avec cet accent. Je parle généralement aux touristes britanniques._ ” His family is from Michigan. He said there are many Germans and Poles living there. Truly, I can barely understand him with that accent. I usually talk to British tourists.

“ _Ah, je vois._ ” Ah, I see.

Levi glanced over to Eren. If even a Belgian teenager could tell he had a thick accent, there was no way he would convince Americans.

The rest of the meal was kept with light conversation, sometimes the family asking Eren questions about America and Levi making up answers, but mostly Levi tried in subtle ways to see how much the Reeves knew about the war. They admitted that there had been Germans in the town earlier that year, but they had been left alone since the Normandy invasion. They heard news on the radio, but what they could tell Levi was nothing new compared to the notes made on Armin’s map.

Finally, the meal was done, Levi went out with Flegel to check on the horse, but the family’s little daughter began to grunt out complaints at being forced to wait for her food. Doortje rushed over and wheeled her into the dining room to feed her. Eren took over washing the dishes. He was happy to repay this family in some small way, plus the act of washing dishes had always soothed him.

He glanced back at the table. Levi had told him not to stare, but he watched as Doortje lifted spoonfuls of mashed potatoes to Lieke, who opened her mouth to eat but dribbled every other bite. Doortje smiled as she cleaned the mess off her daughter’s face. She spoke to her daughter in Dutch with joyful words.

“ _Hoe vind je het eten? Is het lekker?_ ” How do you like the food? Is it good?

Lieke burst out a laugh that sent a spray of food out of her mouth.

Doortje merely chuckled proudly. “ _Ik ben zo blij dat je het leuk vindt._ ” I’m so happy that you like it.

Eren stared back down at the sink. In Germany, such disabled people were seen as not just an eyesore, but a useless existence, nothing more than a drain on society, a waste of food and resources. He recalled his father screaming in rage that the Nazi Party expected him to report any patient even assumed to have schizophrenia, epilepsy, or genetic diseases, especially when stories leaked out about Nazi doctors delivering lethal injections to any patient deemed _incurable_. Grisha had insisted he would not harm a soul nor turn over his patients to the Hereditary Health Courts, while Carla fretted that he would be arrested if he tried to protect them.

His father had not been the only one. In the years to follow, there were protests in the streets, especially Catholics enraged by Hitler’s forced abortions and euthanasia programs. Although Hitler ended the program, Eren was still taught in Napola that invalids were better off being killed, they were genetically impure lifeforms, empty soulless shells, and keeping them alive was nothing more than merciless torture, all for the sake of that social cancer called _conscience_ that Jews spread in order to weaken Aryans.

Although he had been taught that it was merciful to swiftly and painlessly eliminate such people, freeing them from a life of useless misery, with a bonus of saving Germany money and food and relieving parents from a lifetime of fruitless work for a child who would never amount to anything, he could not think that this girl was in any sort of pain or misery. She laughed, her mother smiled, and although she stared off blankly most of the time, he saw a bright shine in her eyes that were so full of life.

Perhaps she would never be a great help to her community, but how was keeping her alive _merciless torture_?

After dealing with their daughter, Doortje returned to the kitchen to see Eren was almost done with washing the dishes. She smiled brightly at the handsome man at her sink.

“ _Bedankt voor uw hulp._ ”

“ _Hulp_ ,” Eren repeated. “That sounds like _help_ in English.”

“English? Ah, _Engels_.”

“And _bedankt_ , that sounds like _danke_ in German.”

“ _Was dat Duits nu net?_ ” Was that German just now?

“ _Duits. Deutsch._ ” Eren flashed her a grin. “I can almost understand you.” He washed the last dish, turned to Doortje, and took her hands. “Truly, thank you for your hospitality. _Bedankt_.”

She blushed under his teal eyes and bashfully turned away. “ _Beste heer, ben jij aan het flirten? Je bent te knap om zo aardig te zijn._ ” Dear sir, are you flirting? You’re too handsome to be so nice.

Eren only made out a few words, but he still smiled warmly. Then he walked over to the girl. Although she did not make eye contact and silently rocked herself, he sensed that she knew he was there. “You’re one lucky child, to have been born into a family like this.”

He then headed up to the bedroom. He removed his oversize clothes and looked at his leg. He had changed the bandages after his bath, but the gash had already bled through. He was glad the borrowed trousers were black and did not show the blood.

Just as Eren was unwrapping the wound, Levi stepped in.

“That daughter laughed at me again as I walked by. Hospitality be damned, I half-think they put me in this dress just to amuse her. Cute kid, but fuck this.” He quickly undid the buttons of the brown dress and threw it aside. “A shame we don’t have time to do laundry. I saw out near the horse shed, this family has a wringer washer. It’d be nice to wash my clothes for once, although I think my shirt would disintegrate if it went through a wringer.”

“Did you know Dutch is similar to German?”

Levi let out a slow sigh. “Please tell me you weren’t speaking in German with that woman.”

“Not really. I just understand her better than I do the rest of them.”

“Well, I’m glad they speak French, although there’s a strong accent. The husband guessed right away that I was from Paris.”

Eren looked over as he irrigated the leg wound over a large basin. “Paris? Is that where you’re from?”

Levi shrugged as he tested out the clothes he had laid out to dry. “Here and there. Most of my life was in Paris, though.” He sniffed his shirt and held it out with a sour expression. “ _Really_ wish I could do laundry.”

Eren finished cleaning the wound and dabbed iodine onto the gash from the bullet that had ripped into the side of his thigh. “Now that I think about it, I don’t know much about you. For instance, where are you from originally?”

Levi rotated the clothes to make sure they would be thoroughly dry by morning. “I was born in Strasbourg.”

Eren jolted, and his eyes widened. “Strasbourg? But … but that’s a _German_ city.”

“Off and on,” Levi muttered. “I suppose it was when I was born. So I guess you could say I’m technically German by birth.”

Eren looked down, stunned. Levi … was a German?

“I was born there, but my mother and I moved to Paris when I was four.”

“Why Paris?”

He shrugged as he climbed into one of the beds wearing only his undergarments. “She got pregnant out of wedlock, and the other Jews in town rejected her, especially because she had no clue who my father was. Besides, Paris had more work.”

“Oh?” Eren rolled a fresh bandage around his leg. “What did she do?” he asked, excited to hear about his childhood and family.

Levi’s eyes narrowed, challenging him. “She pleasured men.” As Eren’s mouth dropped in shock, Levi went on, “She did what she could to keep us fed. In Strasbourg, there were plenty of tourists and German soldiers who paid for her services. As the Great War started up, she got the hell out of there. I don’t even remember the place. I grew up thinking of myself as purely French, especially when Germany lost Strasbourg in the War.”

Eren supposed that this showed just how ridiculous national lines were, arbitrary and petty means of dividing land between people. A city could switch hands between countries multiple times in a few decades. A man born in a town ruled by one country could move away and have nothing in common with a person from that country, considering himself fully a citizen of his new homeland, since that was where he grew up, the language he knew, and the nation he loved.

“Get some sleep. We should leave _before_ the Germans come riding through town.” Levi muttered to himself, “I just hope they can refrain from looting the place as they ride by.”

Eren removed the baggy shirt and collapsed into his bed. Levi flipped off a lamp on the table between the two beds and lay back on the soft pillow. Eren rolled over to look at Levi across the way.

“I can almost pretend like we’re on a vacation together. Do you think I could get a kiss goodnight?”

Levi glanced over in the low light of the rainy night. “You’re an idiot. Go to sleep.”

Eren let out a sigh and closed his eyes. In no time, he was out cold. Levi heard his breathing go heavy, and he shook his head.

A vacation? Eren had probably never been in more danger in his life, and all he could see was the fun of riding through the forest. Still, it was a soft bed all to himself. Levi could not remember the last time he had such luxury. He stretched out, allowing himself a moment to feel blessed.

That morning, he only barely escaped being shot. Now, he was eating a hot meal and sleeping in a real bed.

The Lord worked in mysterious ways.

* * *

Blood was always the same. No matter the skin color, no matter the nationality, no matter the gender.

Everyone bleeds the same.

The faces blended together. The blood flowed into one massive red puddle. Eyes peered out from the blood, voices cried out, a dozen languages, a hundred screams.

“ _Ne me tue pas._ ”

BANG!

“ _Oseh shalom bimromav hu yaaseh shalom aleinu v’al kol Yisrael…_ ”

BANG!

“ _Sois fort. Vis, peu importe le prix. Je t’aime—_ ”

BANG!

Levi bolted straight up in bed screaming. He heard movement beside him, reached under his pillow, and in a flash had his knife out. He felt sweaty, shivering, hot and cold, and his heart would not slow down.

Calm! He needed to be calm. Focus. Assassinate the target—

“Levi?”

Another voice, another face. They all bled the same.

Then a lamp flicked on, and Levi was momentarily blinded. When he blinked out the glare, he saw Eren looking at him with concern.

“Put down the knife. You’re safe.”

He did not believe it. The screams, the voices, people he killed, people he watched die, people he could not save. So many puddles of blood blended into one massive crimson sea.

“Levi,” Eren said softly, sitting up on the edge of his bed. “You’re safe. It was a dream.”

“No,” he whispered, still shivering. “Worse. It was a memory.”

Eren pouted in sympathy and whispered, “Put down the knife.”

Levi felt like his hand could not loosen up, like if he let go of this one piece of protection, all of his defenses would crumble. With a few forcefully slow breaths, his fingers began to let up, and slowly his knuckles creaked as they loosened on the hilt until the knife dropped onto his blankets.

Eren walked over, moved the knife to the bedside table, sat on Levi’s mattress, and wrapped him up in his arms. Immediately, Levi began to panic.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Shhh,” he said, gently stroking his back. “It’s okay now. You’re with me.”

“Someone will see…”

“No one is here,” he whispered. “It’s just you and me.”

“The family—”

“They wouldn’t come in. That’d be rude. Even if they did, what would they do? They can’t hurt me. I’m an American journalist, right?” he said with a small laugh.

Levi did not feel like laughing. “I thought I heard bangs.”

“I heard it too.”

Levi tensed at realizing those were not just part of the dream. “Gunshots?”

“No. It’s the daughter. I heard her earlier tonight too. She bangs on the wall to get her mother.”

“Oh … just that girl,” Levi muttered, sinking and closing his eyes as fear seeped out, leaving him weary and vulnerable.

Eren continued to stroke Levi’s head. He had heard him whimpering in his sleep, but then again, he had heard those nightly terrors from many soldiers. _Kriegsneurose_ , they called it. The trauma of war left many soldiers easily spooked. What Levi had gone through was far worse.

He felt Levi sinking, and Eren’s arms tightened to hold onto him. He smiled as Levi rested his cold cheek on his chest and his fingers grazed over him, like he needed to be sure Eren was really there.

Then Eren also got hit with a memory of his own that would haunt him. Abel’s glasses caught the light of a lamp, a golden glint as he stared into the barrel of Eren’s gun.

He did not deserve happiness.

Yet Abel’s last words had been to ask Eren to take care of Levi. To honor the memory of that poor man, perhaps he could indulge just a little. Eren closed his eyes, letting the warmth of Levi’s body soak into his frozen heart, and he stroked his hand up and down that thin, scarred, bare back.

“It’ll be okay,” he said, partly to Levi, partly to himself.

When Levi felt Eren’s warm hand on his skin, he sank even more. No one had comforted him since … when? Ever?

If his mother had comforted him, he could not remember. His uncle Kenny only taught him how to fight, steal, and kill. No one comforted him in the military, nor did he want it when the nightmares began. Petra never needed to since he felt he had to be strong for her, and he had hidden the nightmares. The same held true for his companions over the years. Levi acted cold and cynical, because the alternative was giving in to the memories and letting them drown him in fear.

He had to admit, it felt good to lean on someone for once. He felt something for Eren that he never had felt before, not even with Petra. Although he loved her with his whole heart, he always felt like he had to hide the nightmares. Even though he knew she was a strong woman, he wanted to be the protective husband. He never told her about what he had done in the military, other than a few casual stories about his travels. If she asked him why he woke up from nightmares, he would lie and say he could not remember what they had been about.

With Eren … maybe it was the gender, but he knew they were equals. They could both be strong, but they could both be weak. He had never felt that sense of equality with another human before.

With both wearing nothing but undergarments, he could feel Eren closer than he ever had before. His hand drifted up along the muscular chest, the same action he had taken earlier that night, stroking over Eren’s firm shoulder and down his upper arm. While he was painfully aware that this was a _man_ giving him comfort, somehow that was the reason why Levi felt he could lower his guard. Rather than succumbing to a weakness, he felt like this was healing, draining an old wound, and it would lead to him being even stronger.

He needed Eren to heal, although he knew that staying near a Nazi was a death sentence.

“Why can’t I leave you?” he wondered aloud.

Eren closed his eyes at hearing that anguished question. “I’ve wondered that. I’m surprised you didn’t try to leave already. I’d let you go.”

Hearing that brought a brief, tiny smile to Levi’s face. “Idiot. They’d kill you.”

“Maybe not. I could say I got annoyed with you and put a bullet in your skull.”

“And if that captain of yours wants to see a body?”

Eren shrugged. “I fed you to the dogs.”

Levi laughed briefly, a crack through the cold bitterness that let in some of Eren’s warmth. “It’s tempting.”

“You should. Really. I could ride off tomorrow without you and let you stay here.”

“And what if you need me? What if you come across more Americans? Even that fat brat could tell you have a strong accent.”

“Do you mean Flegel?” Eren asked in surprise. “Wait, could he tell I was German?”

“No.” Levi shrugged and admitted, “I told him you were from Michigan.”

“What’s a _Michigan_?”

“It’s a place in America.”

“Why there?”

“I don’t know. It was the first place I could think of. My cousin mentioned once about Germans working on automobiles in Michigan, so I thought maybe they all sound like you.”

“Then maybe I should move to Michigan,” he teased. “Is it a nice city?”

“I think it’s a state.” Levi stared ahead, feeling soothed within Eren’s arms. He sighed as he relished those warm touches, and quietly he muttered, “You could come with me.”

Eren’s brow tightened. “What?”

Levi pulled back enough to look up into Eren’s teal eyes. “We could leave together. We have a horse. If we go early in the morning before the army arrives and ride to the west…”

Eren let out a nervous laugh and shook his head. “Are you joking?”

“You once said you wouldn’t mind keeping me company in America. I’m just saying, maybe I wouldn’t mind having you travel with me.”

“I meant _after_ the war,” Eren said, his voice rising. “I never said anything about abandoning my men.”

“It’s not like they could chase you down. They’re in dangerous territory as it is.”

“Exactly! They need me more than ever.”

“They’d just as soon shoot you. Your captain nearly did this morning. If they ever found out about you … if they ever learned what you are … they’ll shoot you or arrest you and send you to one of those camps.”

“They could,” he said solemnly, “but I will not abandon my men.”

“What have they done for you?”

“What have they done?” Eren cried out, now sounding angry. “Jean has served as my right-hand man since the day I was put in charge of this platoon. Armin is like a brother to me and has saved not just my life, but yours, many times over! Connie took a bullet for me once. Thomas nursed me back to health. I’ve lost good men, many of them following my orders, believing in the cause we all are fighting for, to preserve the Aryan race and make our nation great once again.”

“Do you really think a country that murders men like you and me can ever be great?”

“It _is_ great!” Eren shouted. “ _Deutschland ist das beste Land in der Welt!_ ” Germany is the best country in the world.

Levi frantically hushed him and looked around in paranoia.

“ _Ich bin doch kein Deserteur. Ich bin ein Leutnant der Wehrmacht._ ” I am not a deserter. I am a lieutenant in the Wehrmacht.

“Will you shut up?” he hissed.

“No! Because I think you are forgetting. Just because I am not in my uniform right now, I am still a soldier, and I would _never_ betray my country.”

“Fine! It was just a fucking offer.” Levi let out a scoff and spun away to look at the rain on the dark window. “I just thought…”

He thought how nice it would be. They were finally away from the military, away from soldiers and uniforms and constant shouting in German. He could almost imagine Eren as just a man, not an enemy soldier in the midst of the biggest war the world had ever seen. How simple it would be, to take off on the horse and simply vanish! The German company would never know where they went. Besides, Eren had dreamily talked about going to America one day, and Levi had urged him to find him after the war.

For a moment, Levi had really thought it would be nice to sail to America together, yet reality was harsher than that.

Arms wrapped around him, and he thought he felt lips on his neck. Levi slammed his eyes shut, insisting to himself that he did not feel disappointed, not in the least!

“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered, his lips moving on Levi’s neck.

Levi gulped down an angry lump in his throat. “Why would you be sorry?”

“Because the truth is … it’s _very_ tempting.” He bit back his emotions, but they still struggled to surge up. “I want to get away from all this: from the war, and killing … what I’ve had to do…” Abel’s face flashed in his mind again, and with it the emotions he had been shoving aside all day. “…what I _did_ ,” he whispered as tears dripped down his cheek, and he brushed them away. “It’s very, _very_ tempting to leave.”

Levi turned back around to see the misery in Eren’s face. “Then why don’t you?”

“I can’t,” Eren sighed. “I’ll never betray my men. They’re my friends, my brothers, _Waffenbrüder_. Right now, the lives of every person in that company depends on me. If I left them to die in this war, everything I’ve done, everyone I’ve killed…” His hand stretched out and caressed Levi’s cheek. “…everyone I’ve hurt,” he whispered, “what would it be for? If I don’t have the conviction to continue and see this war to the end—win or lose—then what was it all for? So I can’t abandon them when they need me, no matter how tempting it is to stay with you.”

To stay by Levi’s side, to leave, escape it all, go to a happier place and live together in a land without war and bloodshed and constant fear. How nice it would be!

Eren’s hand softly stroked Levi’s cheek. “May I kiss you?”

“No,” Levi said coldly.

Eren jolted his hand back. Respectfully, he pulled away and lowered his head. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Levi looked toward the dying embers of the fireplace. Yes, he was angry. He had opened his heart to Eren, and now even invited him to run away together, only to get shot down. Although he understood why Eren felt he could not go, it hurt that he put a country that hated Jews and homosexuals before his own growing feelings.

“I should sleep more.” Levi turned and nestled back down into his blankets. “Sorry for waking you.”

Levi felt Eren shifting on the bed, turning to go. Just as he felt the warmth leave, his hand shot out. He grabbed Eren’s wrist, holding onto him tightly. Eren paused and looked down in surprise.

“Stay,” Levi whispered.

Eren’s mouth dropped. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want it, _takhshet_.”

To his surprise, Eren collapsed down beside him, and instantly strong arms were around Levi.

“Hey!”

Eren snuggled up behind him. “Can I stay like this for a while? Just until you fall asleep?”

Levi rolled his eyes, although he felt like blushing. “Do whatever you want.”

Eren turned off the lamp, wiggled under the blankets, and curled around Levi with a relieved, giddy smile. Levi again felt lips press on the back of his neck, and he heard the distinct pop of a kiss.

“What are you doing?”

Eren gasped. “Sorry.”

“I didn’t say you had to stop.”

Eren hesitated, but his lips returned with a hesitant kiss to the back of Levi’s shoulder. His whisper came out low and warm. “May I do this much?”

Levi felt a chill in his arms and heat in his cheeks. “That much is fine. Just don’t try anything weird.”

“I won’t,” he promised, with another kiss to the side of Levi’s neck.

Eren peppered slow, tiny kisses to Levi’s back and neck. Levi held still, staring out toward the window, feeling those lips, that warm body up against him, the shivering pleasure radiating from his neck and spreading all through his body. He gulped hard, but he did not mind at all. It felt … nice … to have someone adore him.

Then Eren shifted to wedge himself up even closer and gripped one arm around Levi’s chest, pulling him in protectively.

“Now what are you doing?”

“I want to be near you.”

Levi rolled his eyes. So needy! “Fine. If you can’t leave with me, then you have to stay near me until the day I run off.”

Eren giggled quietly at the command. It was such a sweet, boyish sound that it made Levi smile.

“Just don’t be surprised if I actually do leave in the middle of the night.”

“No way!” Eren squeezed a little tighter. Then he paused and said seriously, “Although, if you do, I won’t stop you.” He placed another kiss on Levi’s neck and teased, “But I might chase you.”

Levi stared out into the dark and mumbled, “I almost wish you would … but I understand if you can’t.”

After all, Eren was a soldier. He had pride in carrying out his duty to his country. Once, Levi had felt a similar patriotic pride. He remembered when national allegiance was all he had. Patriotism, loyalty, dedicating his heart to a cause, a burning conviction that what he was doing was _right_ , until he stopped wondering if what he was doing was _moral_.

Levi closed his eyes. There were still the visions of blood, voices crying out, angry that he was alive and happy while they had died in misery and fear. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but it was what the Lord had granted to him, this little bit of joy, this warmth, this strange, foolish, peculiar love. He felt comfortable in this bed, wrapped in strong arms, next to a man who adored him.

He felt lips pressing again and again, tiny kisses all along his neck. He thought about telling Eren to stop since there was no way he could sleep with all the tiny shivers going down his spine, but instead he kept quiet. Let him do whatever made him happy! Levi had to admit, the adorable act brought warmth to his heart.

He wondered if Eren would try more. Although he had warned him not to do anything weird, all he had to do was roll around and those lips could be on him. They had a room to themselves. So much could happen…

After a minute, he heard Eren’s breathing go heavy again. Hot, even streams of air hit the back of his neck through lips that seemed to have fallen asleep in the middle of a kiss. Eren’s arm was still draped over him, heavy and limp, trapping Levi in place.

“ _Tu te fous de moi?_ ” Are you kidding me?

Still, he felt like if those arms let him go, he would fall into darkness with the blood and screams and dead eyes peering at him. Here, he was safe, warm … happy. He let out a sigh as he drifted off to sleep.

# # #

# #

#

 _ **Trench foot** was a big problem during World War I. It killed 75,000 British soldiers and led to thousands of amputations. It happens when a person wears wet socks and shoes for an extended period of time, such as soldiers stuck in the trenches, stomping around mud, getting rained on, and not removing their shoes for weeks or months, because the enemy might lob mustard gas at them. The feet wrinkle, become numb, may turn white or red, get watery blisters, may develop a decaying odor, and if left untreated, gangrene can set in. It can take as little as 48 hours of not removing one’s wet shoes to get trench foot. It can be easily avoided by changing into dry socks and letting your feet air out overnight. In World War I, commanders finally put other soldiers in charge of inspecting a fellow soldier’s feet every night. If left on their own, most soldiers did not bother, but _ _when soldiers were responsible for someone else_ _, they suddenly became diligent about foot checks, saving many lives._

_**Witlof met ham en kaas uit de oven** , or in French “chicons au gratin,” is made from Belgian endives (also known as chicory, chicon, or witlof/witloof) wrapped with ham, served on mashed potatoes, and baked in a mornay sauce (a cheesy bechamel, or white sauce). It’s considered to be one of the best “comfort food” dishes of Belgium. Thanks to Martine, who grew up in Flanders during World War II and gave me a recommended “typical dinner of the time.” You can find a recipe here: <https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/149844/belgian-endive-au-gratin>_

__

_**Wringer washer** – Ever heard of being “put through the wringer”? Wringer washers were the washing machines of the 1930s and 40s. You filled the round basin with water and detergent, put in your clothes, pushed a button, and it agitated them like a modern washing machine. However, instead of the fast spin cycle of today, soapy water was pressed out by a wringer. In earlier times, washtubs were stirred manually and the wringer was hand-cranked, but 1940s wringer washers were electric and automatic. Those clothes were pressed flat as you fed them through the wringer. (And hope to God your fingers don’t get in there!) Then you placed them in clean water to get out the soapy residue (a rinse cycle) and then it was back through the wringer to squeeze out the water before hanging them up on a clothesline to dry._

_**Languages of Belgium** – Belgium is a country that speaks both French and Dutch, with some pockets of German-speaking communities to the east. Of the current population, 39% speak French (mostly in the south), 55% speak Dutch (mostly in the north), and a handful speaks German, West Flemish, Limburgish, and Luxembourgish. So it’s not all that surprising to have a family where the wife speaks primarily Dutch, the husband speaks primarily French, and both languages are used within the family._

_**The Reeves Family** – Not only do I have Dimo and Flegel Reeves from the manga, but Dimo had a wife and daughter who were never named. So I gave them some Dutch names, Doortje and Lieke. Doortje is from the north, where Dutch is more prevalent. Lieke’s name means “angelic,” which fits her wonderfully. She has Autism, which was not fully understood back then and often lumped in with psychopathy, schizophrenia, or other conditions. Its first usage in the modern sense was in 1938, when Hans Asperger of the Vienna University Hospital used “autistic psychopaths” in a lecture about the condition we now know as Asperger Syndrome. Many of the children diagnosed with the condition were later killed by Nazis._

_I am ghostwriting for a lady with high-functioning autism, in order to bring to light the fact that women on the autistic spectrum often go misdiagnosed. (She was not diagnosed until her 40s.) While we were in the middle of discussing things, she paused and blurted out, “I think you have this too.” Apparently, little things I do convinced her that I also have Asperger’s: trouble keeping eye contact, unconscious finger tapping, social anxiety, OCD, bipolar, all of which she was also misdiagnosed with, and all which could be explained by being on the high-functioning end of the autistic spectrum. (Some of my school friends were later diagnosed with Asperger’s, so maybe we all unconsciously flocked together since making friends was weird and hard for us.) Anyway, this is my way of bringing some neurodiversity into the story—something direly lacking in literature—as well as showing a juxtaposition between how a loving family raises a child with special needs, versus how Nazis saw such people._

* * *

**Nazis and People With Disabilities**

In the ideal Aryan “master race,” people with disabilities simply had no place. They couldn’t! How could a perfect Master Race ever produce a child who was mentally or physically inferior? Such children **must** be genetically impure, and that meant they could not be allowed to breed more impure deformities into Aryan society.

People with disabilities were [one of the first groups targeted by the Nazis](https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/the-biological-state-nazi-racial-hygiene-1933-1939). In 1933, just after rising to power, the Nazis passed the [**Law for the Prevention of Genetically Diseased Offspring**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_for_the_Prevention_of_Hereditarily_Diseased_Offspring), more commonly referred to as the Sterilization Law. It named nine disabilities and forced anyone with them to be sterilized: congenital mental deficiency (which included Down Syndrome and Autism), schizophrenia, “circular lunacy” (manic-depressive or bipolar disease), hereditary epilepsy, hereditary St. Vitus’ Dance (Huntington’s Chorea), hereditary blindness or deafness, severe hereditary deformities, and chronic alcoholism.

The law was later adjusted to include “Rhineland bastards” (children of mixed race) and “asocial elements” (Asperger’s, social anxiety disorder, depression, etc.) Jews, Roma, and homosexuals were sometimes sterilized under this law. (In my story, this was the law that forced Levi to be sterilized.)

Doctors who did not report a “genetically inferior” person to one of the 200 [**Hereditary Health Courts**](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditary_Health_Court) could be arrested, so many doctors erred on the side of caution and reported people they only suspected had a condition. Some women with hormonal imbalances that were misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia were forced to be sterilized.

As a “genetically impure” person, they were not only sterilized, but also banned from marrying. Married Aryan women who had a deformed or developmentally challenged child were accused of infidelity, since no pure Aryan man would sire a genetically inferior child. The children of people with a hereditary condition could also be sterilized, even if they showed no signs of the condition, since it was believed they still carried those genetic impurities.

Germany claimed they were inspired by eugenics programs in America, particularly California and their compulsory sterilization laws that led to tens of thousands of sterilizations in prisons and mental institutes throughout the state. Globally, eugenicists praised Germany for writing such a “conservative, sympathetic, and intelligent” law. Yes, most of the world actually approved of this idea, because eugenics was, and still is, highly favorable to many people.

By the end of the Nazi regime, **over 400,000 people were sterilized against their will**. Men were given vasectomies, but women were subjected to tubal ligation, an invasive procedure that resulted in the deaths of thousands of women. Women could be sterilized for a genetic deformity [as minor as misshapen toes](http://melbourneblogger.blogspot.com/2010/09/genetic-health-courts-in-germany-1933-9.html) that ran in the family. This led to adults and loving parents to not trust their doctor, and the consequence was people refusing to go to the doctor, lest the physician discover a minor deformity that could result in their being sterilized.

  
( _Two weary-looking physicians stand over a roomful of asylum patients, with the words_[ _Life only as a Burden_](https://mindinflux.wordpress.com/2010/10/26/disability-and-propaganda/))

People with disabilities were described in Nazi propaganda as “life only as a burden.” There was no sympathy afforded to them. They were viewed as soulless, empty shells, “useless” to society, a threat to Aryan genetic purity, and, ultimately, unworthy of life.

And Hitler agreed … they were better off dead!

In 1939, Hitler [initiated a decree](https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/nazi-persecution-of-the-mentally-and-physically-disabled) which empowered physicians to grant a “mercy kill” to incurable patients. Under his euthanasia program known as [**Operation T-4**](https://remember.org/witness/wit-vic-med), mental asylums, nursing homes, government and church-run sanatoriums, and other institutes were purged. Even people who had already been sterilized were “euthanized.”

At first, doctors and nurses were encouraged to simply neglect asylum patients, allowing them to starve to death. Some doctors felt that a lethal injection was more merciful, while others experimented with which gas worked best. Eventually, gas was seen as the quickest, cheapest, and most effective way of delivering a “mercy kill” to the most asylum patients as possible. Gas chambers were built, medical “consultants” from the Nazi Party would be sent to asylums to decide which patients were incurable, and then load them onto buses to the gas chambers.

There were public protests, especially by Catholics, so in 1941, Hitler officially ended the euthanasia program. Heinrich Himmler stated, “If Operation T-4 had been entrusted to the SS, things would have happened differently, because when the Führer entrusts us with a job, we know how to deal with it correctly, without causing useless uproar among the people.”

Himmler took over the T-4 personnel and facilities to rid the concentration camps of an overflow of prisoners. Upcoming psychologists would be asked to go through a camp to diagnose “asocial” prisoners, being assured their work would have great scientific importance. Prisoners were told that those selected were being allowed to stay in a “rest home” due to their medical conditions. In reality, merely disagreeing with Hitler was enough to be deemed insane or asocial, and rather than a sanitarium, thousands of elderly and people with mental or physical disabilities were sent to the T-4 gas chambers, the first mass slaughter of concentration camp prisoners. These gas chambers became the models used in future execution camps like Auschwitz.

Although no longer state sponsored, many doctors continued the euthanasia programs. The German doctors who were left (after better doctors fled the country or were imprisoned) were the most staunch supporters of the Nazi agenda. They thoroughly believed the “science” of eugenics, and believed that ridding the Aryans of defective specimens would strengthen the race overall. Based on their own judgment, doctors could deem a person “unfit for life.”

At this point, children were especially targeted. Any child who was developmentally behind might be diagnosed as mentally retarded or having schizophrenia, which at the time covered a massive range of mental health conditions. Doctors felt it was their duty to weed out weak children from the strong. Many doctors targeted any child who required extensive pediatric care, while some felt the slightest birth defect was enough reason to doom a child to a lethal injection, lest they be a “useless eater” taking up resources meant for strong, healthy Aryan children.

From 1939 to 1945, between 200,000 and 250,000 people with disabilities were killed under Operation T-4 and other “euthanasia” programs.

  
( _Translation: “60,000 Reich marks. What this Hereditary Defect costs the national community during his lifetime. Comrade, that is your money too. Read Neues Volk.” Such posters were designed to dehumanize people with disabilities and make murdering them not just palatable, but a national duty.[Neues Volk](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neues_Volk), or “New People,” was a monthly magazine published by the [Office of Racial Policy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Office_of_Racial_Policy) in Nazi Germany, which emphasized the alleged superiority of Aryans and deficiencies of Jews, Poles, Africans, and other groups, while discussing eugenics, the evils of being childless, travel ideas, stories from Hitler Youth, profiles of high-ranking members of the Nazi Party, and how to have Hitler be your child’s godfather. Hint: you first need seven living sons. Get fucking, you wild Nazi couples!_)


	26. The Nazi Wonder Drug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With over a hundred kilometers to cover in less than 24 hours, the Germans resort to a "Wonder Drug," but the side effects are intense.

Eren woke, surprised to feel so warm. Then he realized there was a body beside him. As his eyes struggled to open, he saw a gray-blue gaze.

Levi? Why was he in his bed? And naked? For that matter, why was his bed suddenly so soft? A dream? If this was a dream…

Without a word, Eren leaned in and gave Levi a kiss. He had dreamed this fantasy before, waking up in a bed he shared with Levi, gentle morning kisses leading to passion. This dream was one of his favorites.

“Oy. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Eren jolted. That was not how the dream went. “Levi?”

His eyes narrowed. “Who did you think you were kissing?”

Eren blinked out the sleep. “I thought … I was dreaming.”

He looked again. Levi did not look angry about the kiss, nor did he look happy. His face was impossible to read.

“Well, you’re awake,” he said.

Eren looked aside, feeling humiliated. “Sorry.”

Levi stared at him. What was that dream he was having? Was it about him, or someone else? Why was he even worried about that?

And why had that kiss felt so wonderful?

Levi suddenly shifted up and slammed his hand down on the other side of Eren, caging him in as he hovered above. Eren looked up and gulped as his heart raced with wild desires. This was part of his dream too, only usually Levi spoke sensual words and kissed him.

“L-Levi! What … are you doing?”

Levi’s gaze remained neutral. With his bed-head hair resting on the pillows, Eren looked so vulnerable, so nervous, and so immensely eager.

“Why did you kiss me?” he asked in a quiet, almost threatening voice.

Eren panicked. “I’m sorry. I … I thought…”

“That I was someone else?”

“No!” he shouted, hurt that Levi would think that. Eren slammed his mouth shut, realizing that protest had been far too loud. “I thought … that it was you, but a dream.”

“What sort of dream?”

Eren slowly smiled, barely able to meet Levi’s eyes. “A dream where you’re in my bed.”

“What else?”

“And we … we kiss.”

Levi glanced at Eren’s lips before returning his sharp gaze back up to those huge, teal eyes. “What else?” he whispered.

Eren knew his cheeks were crimson. “We just kiss. A lot.” He laughed awkward. “A _whole lot_. All over.”

“All over?” Levi repeated. “Everywhere?”

Eren could not speak as his throat clenched up with humiliation.

Levi inspected Eren’s face, from the flushed cheeks to the trembling lips, to the way his throat seemed to be stuck mid-swallow. “Have you had this naughty little dream often?”

Eren felt a thrill through his spine at those sensually insulting words. “Many times,” he confessed, thinking how this little interrogation was better than his dreams, far more thrilling.

Levi saw Eren’s tongue darted out for a quick lick to his lips. Was he hoping for a kiss? Such a needy little boy! He had to admit, the warmth radiating through the blankets, the compassion when his world had been cruel for so long, the sense of security when he had seen how obedience and hard work could not save a person’s life … he wanted this feeling, needed it, a craving for something, _anything_ , when everything had been stolen from him: his dreams, his love, his dignity. He wanted more of this warmth, this magical depth he was slipping into.

Could he honestly love a man? As much as he wanted the feeling of warmth, did he want the man who gave it to him?

“Fuck. I don’t even know what I want anymore,” Levi whispered in confusion.

Smirking privately, Eren stated, “I know what _I_ want.”

Such a bold statement fit a brash German soldier. “I’m sure you do.”

Eren chuckled softly, and the playful happiness in his eyes soothed Levi’s confusion. He touched Eren’s cheek, feeling the morning stubble, looking at the way Eren leaned into his hand.

Could he really love a man like this?

Suddenly, there were loud bangs on the wall down the hall. Ghostly gunshots went off in Levi’s head, and he yanked away. His hand clenched in his hair, trying to rip out the memories.

Eren also flinched at the sound, and his vision was filled with the sight of Abel’s glasses gazing at him, sad, scared, proud, surrendering to the inevitable with somber resignation. He felt the kick of the gun in his hands and saw a spray of blood.

They both sat up on the bed, facing opposite ways, both with nightmarish memories haunting them.

“Sorry,” Eren whispered to the phantom in his mind. “I’m so sorry.”

Levi was quicker at pulling out of the past. He shook his head and scratched over the indent in his finger where his wedding ring once was. It always brought him back. He realized Eren was breathing hard, still trapped in the horror. Slowly, he crawled around and took Eren’s hand. He flinched hard, his eyes hollow and shaking.

“It’s in the past. You are here with me now.”

“I did it. I killed him. I _killed him!_ ”

Levi squeezed his trembling hands. “It’s in the past.”

“I hate myself,” he seethed.

Levi rubbed his hand, trying to pull him back. “You did what you had to. Remember what I said: have a goal and move onward. What is your goal?”

“I don’t even know,” he muttered. “I never want that to happen again, but it might. It might! What would I do then?” Eren ripped at his hair. “I hate that I don’t even know what I would do. I used to swear I’d never kill a civilian, but … I did. _Verdammt, ich hasse mich! Ich hasse mich dafür, dass ich dir wehgetan und ihn getötet habe, und weil ich so ein verdammter Feigling bin._ ” Damn, I hate myself! I hate myself for hurting you and for killing him, and for being such a fucking coward.

“Seriously, do _not_ speak German here,” Levi warned. He wrapped around Eren’s shoulders, hoping to hold in that rage. “I know you’re angry. This isn’t the sort of soldier you wanted to be. You’re not a killer like me. Deep down inside, you just want to protect all the people you care about. But you can’t blame yourself. This is war. It’s ugly. It’s wretched. Your goal is to somehow stay alive, and you did. You kept me alive too. That makes you a hero.”

“I’m no hero,” he grumbled.

“You’re alive. Find a goal. Think about it while we ride today, a goal to keep you going, to get you through this war. Then live for that goal.”

Eren finally raised his head and looked over at Levi. “What if my goal is to get morning kisses from you every day?”

Levi smirked at that optimistic dream, so typical of Eren. “If that gets you through things, go ahead and wish for that.”

“Would it be a possibility?” Eren asked with a coy smile.

Levi paused, his gaze drifted, and he muttered, “Let’s stay alive first.”

Eren chuckled to himself. It was not a _no_ answer.

They got up and stretched out the sore muscles from yesterday. Eren changed the dressing on his wound, glad to see it was less swollen. He applied more medication and wrapped fresh bandages on. Levi checked the clothes and was glad to see they were dry and warm. He pulled on his worn trousers and stained shirt. He really wished they had time to wash the clothes. Then he handed Eren's civilian clothes over.

“I wish the boots were drier, but the clothes are good.”

Eren dressed, and Levi watched. Eren flinched as he pulled the trousers up over the bandages, and then he picked up the shirt and pulled it up over his arms.

“Ooh, nice and warm,” he said with a boyish grin.

Levi suddenly stepped forward and grabbed Eren by the shoulders. Eren jolted to a stop, wondering if something was wrong, especially the way Levi’s brow pinched.

“I removed this shirt. I’ll put it back on.”

Eren smiled in amusement at the determination in his voice. “Sure.” He let go of the shirt and let it hang from his shoulders.

Levi tugged the shirt all the way up. Then his fingers drifted over Eren’s collarbone, sending chills through his arms, and caressed down his bare chest. His face looked serious, like he was studying Eren, trying to figure him out, exploring with some personal goal, to traverse this new territory, inspect the terrain, and plot how to conquer it.

They heard noises in the kitchen, but Levi remained focused on his slow survey of Eren’s body. It was starting to make Eren’s breathing speed up and his heart race. As Levi touched a spot close to his nipple, Eren let out a tiny whimper.

“There we are,” Levi whispered to himself. His eyes slid up to Eren’s face. “A weakness.”

“Do you want to conquer me with that weakness?” Eren teasingly asked.

“I like to know my options.”

“Do you plan on invading?”

Levi leaned in close and whispered, “Perhaps a sneak attack at night.”

A thrilling chill sparked down to Eren’s groin. “Please let me kiss you.”

Just then, they heard someone enter the bathroom and shut the door a little loudly. Levi stepped back. “No.”

“Please!”

“Eren.” Levi put his hand on Eren’s head, petting him like calming down an excited dog. “It’s not safe.” He then stepped away. “Button your shirt up.”

“I thought you were going to.”

“Well, I’m not.”

He walked away and opened the door just as Flegel was leaving the bathroom. Eren sighed, left alone and flustered. Still, he smiled.

“ _Ich mag es, wenn du mich neckst._ ” I like it when you tease me.

He finished dressing, and while he wanted to shave, he did not want to borrow someone else’s straight razor. Eren looked at the stubble in the mirror.

Maybe Levi liked the look.

Luckily, when they walked downstairs, the food was almost ready. Eren stepped outside to smoke while the rain had stopped. Levi went to check on the horse and feed her. Then they returned to a meal of eggs, toast, jam, and more bacon. Levi pushed aside his religious teachings. He would pray for forgiveness another day. For now, he had to survive.

He ate heartily and enjoyed a little tea the family provided. He made a face at the tea, but he was not going to complain. Eren again complimented the wife on her cooking, and she blushed as she privately ogled him.

Then it was time to go. Levi knelt by Lieke in her wheelchair and thanked her for letting him borrow her dress. He knew she understood his French when she burst out in a laugh; this time, he did not mind all too much. Eren gave the Reeves family a little money, insisting they take it for the food and shelter. They saddled the horse, mounted up, and with waves and calls of thanks, they left the house and the family.

“They were really nice,” Eren said with an optimistic smile.

“Because they didn’t know you’re with the group of people who murdered some of their neighbors when you took over their country.”

Eren frowned, but that was the truth. If the Reeves had known he was a German, he doubted he would have received such hospitality.

Levi said nothing as he rode behind Eren, holding on around his waist as the horse clomped down the dirt road. He heard chickens in the early morning countryside and dogs barking at one another. He was glad the rain had stopped, but it was still cold and the ground was muddy. As they reached the end of the village, he looked back and his eyes narrowed.

“They’re coming.”

Eren kept riding, determined to get out of the town first. He did not want any of the villagers to assume he was with the Germans.

Levi was right. Simply being _what he was_ could be dangerous around here.

He went out of the village and paused under a large tree that helped to block the cold wind. He could still see the village, and he saw the German army coming up the main road, a hundred or so horses, three trucks, the proud Wehrmacht army leaving the lands they had bravely conquered.

What would the Reeves family think? Would they figure out Eren was part of them? Would they worry about his safety, believing that he was an American who might be overtaken by the Germans? Would the soldiers leave them alone, or loot the house for food?

He was glad when he saw they merely rode through town without stopping. He waved to the horses in the front, who cheered out for him.

“ _Leutnant_ Jäger, you didn’t die!”

He laughed and trotted his horse through the column. He glanced back further and caught sight of Jean and Armin in the middle truck. He waved, and Armin excitedly waved back, seeming to be trying to signal him. Eren smiled, glad to see they were all right, but just then he came up to Kitz Woermann’s truck.

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ” Eren said, snapping his arm up. Levi glared to the side at seeing him do that. “Sorry if I ended up ahead of you.”

“We traveled too slowly yesterday. Luckily, Arlelt found us a village. We could have used that Jewish translator, though. There were some troubles convincing the locals to let us into their homes, but nothing a few bullets couldn’t solve.”

Eren felt his stomach surge. If he had gone back to the company last night, lives could have been saved. This was his fault. “I shall make sure he’s of better use tonight, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

Kitz glared back at Levi. “It didn’t run away.”

“I told you, he’s been well-trained, like a loyal dog.”

The captain merely huffed, and his hand drifted over to his pistol.

“Shall we ride faster today, _Herr Hauptmann_?”

His hand stopped as he focused back on Eren. “Yes, we must. We’re going to push all the way to Mondorf. Ride back only if you spot troops. Otherwise, stop there and scout it out for us.”

“Mondorf?” Eren pulled out his map. That city was not familiar. They were supposed to stop in Ettelbruck, north of Luxembourg City. He searched around and finally found the city on the map, all the way past Luxembourg and on the border with France. “Sir! That’s over a hundred kilometers. Our horses will never make it.”

“They will, and they must. Armin got some news on the radio.”

Just then, Armin came running between the horses and up to the truck still rolling by with Eren in a slow trot on his horse. “The Germans are evacuating Luxembourg City as we speak.”

“What?” Eren cried out in disbelief. They were _running away without a fight_?

“They expect the Americans will be there by tomorrow morning. I didn’t think the Americans would travel so fast. If we don’t push past and southward today, we may be completely cut off from Metz.”

“This is bad,” Eren muttered. “Horses don’t often do more than eighty kilometers in a day. This has got to be … a hundred?”

“Hundred and twenty kilometers,” Armin replied, also looking worried.

Kitz snapped at them both. “Forget the horses. They can rest when we get to Metz, or we can trade them out along the way.”

“If we’re to ride on, I need food and more supplies. Sir, allow me to ride back to my platoon’s truck before continuing onward.”

“Fine, fine, but make it quick. I want you up front. If we’re going to see more Americans, it’ll be as we approach Luxembourg City.”

Eren gave a sharp salute, arm straight out. Then he looked down at his comrade. “Armin.”

“I need to speak to the captain.”

He nodded in understanding. This new development threw all of Armin’s plans into disarray. Eren kicked the horse and tried to hurry back through the column of soldiers.

“So, what happened?” asked Levi.

Eren spoke in English but still kept his voice low. “They stopped in another village last night.” He did not want to mention that because Levi was not there to translate, people had died.

“It seems like there’s trouble.”

“I’ll explain later.”

As he got to the truck being driven by Jean, Eren saw the long-faced man already scowling.

“What are _you_ doing back?” Jean snapped.

“If we’re traveling that far, I need supplies.” Eren hopped off the horse, but instantly his leg gave out from under him. He nearly collapsed, enough for his hand to hit the muddy road.

“Jäger!” Jean shouted.

Levi jolted. “Eren!” He jumped off the horse and instantly had Eren’s arm over his shoulder, supporting his full weight.

Eren sneered in pain. “Dammit! My leg.”

Jean yanked Eren onto the truck so he could sit. He also grabbed hold of the horse’s reins so it would follow along, driving the truck with one hand and guiding the horse with the other. Levi climbed onto the truck next to Eren, knelt by his side, and felt the leg.

“Drop your trousers. Let me see.”

Eren looked around at all the soldiers on horses riding along. “Here?” he whispered in humiliation.

“It’s not like they care. I want to check the dressing. Do you still have that medicine the Reeves gave you?”

Eren reached into a pocket and pulled out a tube of medicinal cream. Then he began to undo his belt. Jean glanced back, but as Eren lowered the civilian trousers, Jean saw the leg patched up with blood soaking through the bandage.

“ _Sie sollten mit den anderen Verwundete im Sanitäts-Lastkraftwagen sein._ ” You should be in the medical truck with the other wounded.

Eren shot him a silencing glare. “ _Mir geht es gut, solange ich mein Bein nicht belaste._ ” I’m fine, so long as I don’t strain my leg.

Levi slowly undid the bloody bandage, and Eren hissed. “It’s healing, the redness has gone down, but I think you cracked open the scab.”

Jean asked, “ _Was sagt er?_ ” What is he saying?

Eren smirked wryly. “ _Ich habe Brandwunden. Es muss amputiert werden._ ” I have gangrene. It must be amputated.

“ _Mach keine Witze darüber._ ” Don’t joke about that. Jean reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle. “Catch!” He threw it at Eren, who barely managed to grab it. “The medics were handing this out to everyone. Officers are supposed to hold onto the bottle. I have another with me in case the men need more, but frankly, I don’t want to hand it out too much. This stuff is strong. You hold onto that one.”

Eren looked at the label. “Pervitin. I remember taking this in Anzio. Couldn’t sleep for days.”

“Yeah, well, we’re going to need it.”

“This stuff is addictive, you know,” Eren said as he shook out a white tablet.

“I’m sure it is, but it’s more effective than coffee. Right now, we need to push forward.” He looked over at the horse he was guiding along. “Poor things. They’re the ones who really need some drugs. They’ll all be half dead by the time we reach Metz.”

“Maybe you can take care of them once we’re there. It’ll give you something to do while we wait to be surrounded by Americans.” He took a nearby canteen and swallowed the pill.

Jean sneered as he kept his eyes on the narrow forest road. “Metz! It’s going to be another Anzio, isn’t it?”

“Probably worse,” Eren muttered. “We handled Anzio, we’ll handle this.”

“If we can get there.”

The truck hit a large bump in the road, jostling them hard to the side. Eren hit his head against a box of supplies, and Levi fell forward, landing on Eren’s chest. Jean let go of the horse, grabbed the wheel with both hands, and steadied the truck.

“What the hell was that?” he shouted.

From a horse up ahead, someone shouted. “Hey, did anyone see my helmet?”

Jean screamed, “I just crushed it with the truck, you moron! Keep it on your head or I’ll whack you silly with it.” Then he grumbled under his breath. “Seems the pills are kicking in. They’re already acting like hyperactive dogs.”

Meanwhile, Levi was on top of Eren, who had instinctively grabbed around Levi to protect him. They stared into each other’s faces, their noses so close. Their eyes lingered, but as Jean regained control of the truck and grabbed up the reins of the horse, they pulled apart. Levi got right back to bandaging the leg, trying to pretend nothing had happened.

Jean glanced back. “Are you two okay back there?”

“We’re fine,” Eren grumbled.

Jean saw Levi applying antibiotic cream to the wound. “He’s been helping a lot, hasn’t he?”

“Yes,” Eren said softly, gazing at Levi hard at work, tending to him. His chest still felt warm from Levi landing on top of him.

Jean kept his voice low. “Are you going to let him go?”

Eren stiffened and glanced around at the other soldiers riding nearby. “Of course not! You heard the captain. We keep him alive to be a useful tool until we reach Metz, and then he dies. He’s a Jew, after all.” Coldly, Eren stated, “ _Alle Juden müssen sterben._ ” All Jews must die.

Jean glanced back and saw the distant, hollow stare. “I know you.”

“You should also know to shut up!”

“I’m just saying, if you want some help when the time comes to eliminate him…” Jean paused and muttered. “I can help you make him _disappear_.”

Eren looked over at him in shock. Jean had a reluctant but passive smile, nodding his head to show Eren he meant precisely what it sounded like.

When the time came for Levi to escape, he would help.

Levi finished with the bandage, and Eren pulled his trousers back up. He stood slowly, walked over to the edge of the truck, and used it to climb onto the horse easier.

“Levi,” he said, just as the Jew was about to also climb onto the saddle. “There are boxes of food under the truck seat. Get four.”

He nodded and dug out the army rations. Eren kept the horse strolling at the same pace as the truck as Levi stashed away the food.

“Money too. My pack is to the far left. There’s a … _Blechdose_ … little box, metal, money is inside. Take it all.”

Levi found Eren’s pack and dug through the clothes, gear, and other items crammed inside. He found the tin can with a latched lid and a swastika on the top.

“We are _not_ taking the box,” he said, opening the latch and pulling out the German bills inside. “We already got in trouble once for a swastika. Having a stack of Reichsmarks is bad enough.”

“The money is just in case. I gave the Reeves all I had on me.”

Levi tucked the bills into the saddle bag. Then he hopped from the truck onto the horse and held onto Eren as he adjusted his seat.

Eren turned to Jean. “ _Ich sehe dich dann wohl später._ ” I guess I’ll see you later.

“ _Sei vorsichtig da draußen, ja?_ ” Be careful out there, yeah?

Eren gave a nod and trotted faster, pulling ahead. He saw Armin, still talking to Kitz, pointing out things on the map. Eren saluted the captain as he caught up.

“I’ll be on my way, _Herr Hauptmann_.”

“Very good. Remember, return at once if you see the enemy. Arlelt can swerve us as far north or east as we must go, but keep Mondorf as your destination goal. Have you had any Pervitin?”

“I have a bottle. I took one while I was getting my supplies.”

“Take another if you need it, but remember, don’t take too many. I’ve seen men do some crazy things while on those pills. Keep riding, and don’t stop unless you cross the enemy.”

“ _Jawohl!_ ” He snapped a salute, then cracked the reins to get the horse to trot.

Eren rode past the company and headed out into the open road. He put some distance between himself and the Germans, bouncing along at a fast trot.

Levi let out a sigh, loosening up now that they were not surrounded by German soldiers all glaring at him. “So, what’s the plan?”

“We’re to push ahead as far as we can. Just a warning it’s going to be a very long ride and a trot the whole way. I hope the horse rested well.” He smiled back at Levi. “I hope you did too.”

Levi scoffed and turned his gaze aside. “Who can sleep with a heavy arm on top of them?”

“Was I an annoyance?”

“Yes,” he said coldly.

Eren looked aside with regret. “Were you unable to sleep because of me?”

Levi wanted to tease him more, but he realized Eren was taking this personally. He really did sound sad at the idea of keeping Levi awake. He sighed and shook his head. “I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”

Eren instantly perked up, and Levi rolled his eyes at the boyish smile.

“Seriously, don’t look so happy.”

They rode on through the morning, crossing the Belgian countryside with alternating forests and farmlands. Though it was not raining, the wind was still chilly. Levi pulled the blanket closer around him.

“Lean in, if it keeps you warm,” Eren suggested.

Levi scoffed. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Maybe,” Eren said with a smile.

Levi hesitated, but he did lean a little closer, resting his cheek on Eren’s back as he looked out over the idyllic countryside.

They rode for hours, only stopping to run into the woods to relieve nature. Levi grumbled that the rich foods from last night rushed right through his gut, but Eren did not mind that every time Levi returned to the horse, he leaned in a little bit closer for warmth.

The only thing that annoyed Levi was Eren’s twitching. He tapped his hands on his leg, looked like he wanted to dance to some music in his head, and even began to hum a song.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Are you all right?”

“The pill is working,” he said with a laughing smile as he felt the medicine taking away pain and fatigue. “You should try one.”

“I’ll pass,” Levi muttered.

“We call it _Panzerschokolade_ , because it makes you feel as strong as a panzer. That’s a tank, in English.”

“I know what a panzer is,” Levi grumbled.

“I want to walk!”

“Don’t you dare walk on that leg.”

Ignoring him, Eren jumped off the horse and began to walk rapidly down the road. Surprisingly, he did not limp and seemed to not be in pain.

“Idiot.” Levi muttered. He slid up on the saddle and took the reins. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I don’t hurt at all.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Levi grumbled. “If I see blood on your trousers, I will bind and gag you and throw you over this saddle.”

“ _Ich fühle mich unglaublich, kraftvoll._ ” I feel incredible, powerful.

“What are you saying?”

“ _Ich könnte den ganzen Tag laufen._ ” I could run all day.

“If you’re not going to speak in English, I won’t bother talking to you.”

“No, I want you to talk to me. You have a sexy voice.”

Levi’s mouth dropped. “What?”

“ _Es macht mich an. In meinen Träumen du schmutzige Sachen sagst. Du gibst mir einen Ständer, bis ich dich mit meinem Schwanz zum Schweigen bringen will._ ” It turns me on. In my dreams, you say dirty things to me. You give me a boner, until I want to shut you up with my dick.

“God, I don’t think I even _want_ to know what you’re saying anymore.”

They continued, with Eren sometimes running ahead in a burst of energy, then slowing until Levi and the horse caught up, and then racing again. Levi frowned at the effects. While he was glad Eren was not in pain, he feared that the exertion would permanently damage his leg. He almost wanted to demand that Eren ride on the horse, except he worried that he would try to whip the poor thing into a gallop.

“ _Ich muss mal_.” I need to pee. Eren suddenly opened his trousers and began to urinate right in the middle of the road.

Levi sneered and looked aside. “Seriously, whatever that pill was, never take it again.”

“Pervitin. They gave it to us a lot in Anzio. We managed to fight many days without sleep. Lost a lot of weight, though.” Eren zipped his trousers back up, and suddenly he leaped onto the horse.

“Careful!” Levi shouted.

Eren grabbed the reins out of Levi’s hands, gave them a snap with a shout, and the horse bolted into a gallop.

“Whoa! What the hell!” Levi yanked the reins out of Eren’s hands and slowed the horse down. “Don’t make her go too fast. I saw the map. Mondorf is a long way off.”

“I feel like racing,” Eren said enthusiastically.

“Racing?” Levi shouted. This had to be the drugs making Eren wild and not thinking clearly.

As if to prove his suspicions, Eren grabbed around Levi and nestled his mouth near his neck. “If I can’t race the horse, can I touch you?”

Levi growled in frustration, but he definitely did not want Eren to mindlessly kill the horse. Plus the kisses to his neck sent chills through his spine.

“Last night was a dream come true.”

Levi rolled his eyes as heat came to his cheeks. “My God, if anyone heard you talking, we’d be shot.”

Eren’s mouth went right up behind Levi’s ear. “I wanted to do so much more.” His hands slipped around and rubbed along Levi’s straddled thighs. “I wanted you to touch me more.”

“Shit!” He slapped the hands away. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Eren’s voice was husky now. “Your legs are sensitive. Why?”

“I don’t know why; they just are, so stop.”

His hands went up to Levi’s stomach instead. “How about here?” One hand slid down past Levi’s belt.

Levi grabbed Eren’s wrist in a crushing grip. “I will fucking throw you off the horse.”

Eren pouted. “Do you not want it?”

“I can barely tolerate you kissing me.”

Eren looked hurt by that, and his head turned away with a churlish pout. Levi sighed at seeing him heartbroken.

“Look, I’m honored by your feelings, but I still don’t know about this. I’m trying to figure this all out.”

“You almost touched me like that yesterday.”

Levi scowled as his face heated up. “Yes, and it was stupid.”

“Why stupid?”

“Because you’re a man.”

“Does that matter?”

“Of course it does!” He glared forward at the road and grumbled, “And you’re a Nazi.”

Eren was quiet for a few minutes as the horse clomped onward. Levi began to wish he had not said that last part. He knew Eren was slowly starting to realize that the ideology the Nazi Party promoted was reprehensible. Calling him a Nazi was not really fair. Still, it was a fact that troubled Levi.

Even if Eren disagreed with the Nazis, he still fought for them.

After about ten minutes, Levi felt Eren nuzzling his neck again.

“Would you want me if I wasn’t a Nazi? Is that why you touched me like that? Because I was out of uniform?”

Levi wondered that himself. He really had felt differently, seeing Eren all day dressed as a civilian and not a soldier. “I don’t know,” he whispered.

Eren nipped the back of his ear. “I want you to treat me as a normal person.”

“I’m trying,” he said with a furrowed brow. “I’m still figuring this out.”

“What’s to figure out?”

“If I want to touch a man.”

Eren pulled back. “Should I stop?”

 _Yes!_ His brain screamed at him to say yes, to stop this at once, it was so immensely dangerous. Yet without those lips, his neck felt cold.

“I … don’t mind this much.”

“You don’t know if you want to touch me, but you’re okay with me touching you?”

Levi wondered, was that it? He heard Eren chuckle as his arms squeezed in a protective embrace.

“I can live with that,” he whispered, and he kept on kissing Levi’s neck and shoulders.

Levi squeezed the reins, angry that he had not done the smart thing, but instead allowed Eren to continue, and worse, it was making him want to smile.

They rode on with Eren’s weight on his shoulders, sometimes kissing, sometimes just holding him and making cute, contented little sighs. It was a little uncomfortable—Levi wondered if he was this annoying when he rested on Eren’s back—but he also liked how it warmed him up.

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Eren muttered, his mouth so close to Levi’s ear, the air tickled.

Levi struggled not to shiver. “You should be honored that I haven’t slit your throat and run off.”

Eren chuckled at the empty threat and gave him a tiny peck at the hairline. “Is it bad of me, wanting to let you go, but wanting to hold on?” His arms tightened around Levi’s waist, clutching him covetously.

“Of course it’s bad. You shouldn’t act like you want me in public.”

Eren leaned right up into his ear. “What about in private?”

Levi gulped and said nothing.

“I wanted you so much last night.” His hands drifted up to Levi’s chest. “You touched me here, took my shirt off, undressed me. I’ve never had someone make me so … so … _spitz. Heiß. Du machst mich so geil._ ”

“What does all that mean?”

Eren’s voice went into a whisper. “You make me hard. Hot.” Both hands clutched Levi’s thighs, and Eren slid up with a thrust behind him. “I want you more and more each day,” he purred sensually. “It’s making me blocked up.”

“Blocked up?” What did Eren mean by that? Constipated?

“You know, blocked up. _Samenstau_. Needing to let it out.”

“Let what out?”

Eren breathed hotly into his ear. “Here.” His hand stroked over Levi’s crotch.

He slapped Eren’s hand away. “I told you, no!”

“It gets blocked up, hard, until I need to let it all out.”

“Oh shit!” Levi hissed.

He got it now, and his face burned red. His eyes flicked around the countryside, fearing that someone might see them and the way Eren was fondling him, with his hands passionately caressing along Levi’s thighs and chest and his lips making small popping kisses along the back of his neck.

“You … You should stop,” Levi warned with fire in his cheeks.

Eren’s lips fluttered on the back of his ear. “I don’t want to.”

“Eren!”

Now Eren was openly kissing along Levi’s earlobe and gave it a tiny bite.

“Sh-Shit! Stop that.”

“ _Ich möchte dich berühren, deine Haut spüren_...” I want to touch you, smell your skin.

Levi felt Eren’s nose rubbing on his neck, sniffing, while his lips gave more small kisses.

“ _Ich möchte jeden Zentimeter deines Körpers küssen, bis es dir auf meinen Gesicht kommt._ ” I want to kiss every centimeter of your body until you come on my face.

Levi gritted his teeth against the pleasure. “Eren … stop.”

Eren hissed in frustration. “ _Mein Schwanz ist hart und er will kommen._ ”

Suddenly, Eren jumped off the horse and began to walk off the road, stomping across the early autumn fields. Levi watched him with caution, suddenly feeling cold without that smothering heat on his back.

“Oy! What are you doing?”

“I need to let it out.”

“You gotta pee?”

“No.” He unzipped his trousers, and although facing away, Levi saw Eren making jerking motions.

“Bloody hell, you’ve _got_ to be kidding me!” Levi looked away, not about to watch this.

“I told you. _Samenstau. Ich muss zu wichsen._ ” Blue balls. I need to jerk off.

This was definitely the drugs. Whatever that pill was, it was causing all of this. Although this was immensely awkward, Levi reasoned that if Eren got that lust out of his system, maybe he would calm down.

Eren moaned, “It’s so hot from being pressed against you. _Du machst meinen Schwanz so hart._ ” You make my cock so hard.

Levi slammed his eyes shut and covered his ears. He definitely did _not_ want to listen to Eren panting.

Only, Levi slowly uncovered his ears, and his face surreptitiously turned back around. Eren was openly groaning in pleasure as his hand stroked with rapid jerks.

If they wanted this relationship to continue, one day he would be expected to pleasure Eren like that.

And Eren would pleasure him. Just like that, with a strong hand stroking him. The thought made Levi bite his lip, and he glanced a little lower. He could not see Eren’s front, but he still saw, from the movements of his wrist, he was rather long.

Although he understood none of the German, and Eren was most speaking in German now, he could tell from just the tone, it was dirty talk. Did Eren talk like that normally, or was this purely the drug? Levi could not really imagine him as a naughty boy like that, although it was a bit hot.

_Dammit, why am I thinking that?_

After just a couple of minutes, he could tell Eren was close, so he looked away again. He could hear it, though—the euphoric groan of release and something wet hitting the grass below. He kept his head turned aside, trying to convince his cock to stop twitching and calm back down.

“ _Ich fühle mich jetzt besser._ ” I feel better now.

“Are you done?” Levi growled, still trying to force his body to relax.

“ _Ja._ You just made me so hard, I couldn’t keep it in.”

Levi shook his head. It was the drugs, that was all. Still, if he was this open and careless with a single pill, Levi feared how Eren might act when they stopped for the night.

Eren went back to walking, with Levi following on the horse. The young lieutenant had a lightness to his steps, rosiness to his cheeks, and boundless energy. Levi had no idea how many kilometers they went, but Eren showed no fatigue as he walked on and on, for hours, until the awkwardness and heated touches were long cold.

The horse whinnied, and Levi realized there was foam on her mouth.

“We’ve been going nonstop for a while. The horse needs water. The next river we pass, we should stop.”

“We can’t stop,” Eren said, focused down the road.

“You can keep walking if you want, but the horse needs to drink.” He shifted on the saddle. “And I need to stretch my legs.” He looked at Eren. “Have you even eaten yet? We never stopped for lunch.”

“Not hungry,” he said brusquely.

“You should eat. You packed some food…”

“I said I’m not hungry.”

Levi sighed and climbed off the horse, needing to stretch his legs. Since it was not raining, he draped the blanket over the saddle so he did not have to hold onto that, and he led the horse by the reins as he tried to keep up with Eren’s pace. Levi was surprised just how fast Eren was walking, and he had been keeping this pace for hours now.

“Look, you’re going to hurt your leg. Why don’t you ride until we get to the next river? We can afford a little break, let the horse graze, and have some food. You need to eat.”

“I feel fine. I feel totally fine. _Ich fühle mich großartig. Fabelhaft._ ” I feel great. Fabulous.

Levi sighed. “Do you even know what language you’re speaking anymore?”

“ _Meine Sinne rasten._ Everything. Everything is so clear, so fast. _Ich kann alles sehen._ ” I can see everything.

Levi shook his head. Then he noticed blood spreading on the gray trousers. “Eren, seriously, get on the horse.”

“Yes, horse. _Ich will reiten gehen._ ” I want to go horse riding.

Eren swiftly mounted the saddle and took the reins. Then he kicked his heels, shouted, and snapped the reins. “Yaw! Yaw!”

Levi watched in shock as the horse bolted off down the road. “Shit. Eren!”

He ran after them. His legs hurt from almost two days in a saddle, his ass ached from the hard leather seat, yet he ran as swiftly as he could, following the muddy hoof prints in the road.

“Eren, you bastard.” He slowed down as he saw the horse pulling away, getting smaller and smaller. “Fine! You know what? Fuck this. If you’re going to take off, I’m leaving. I’m gonna get the hell out of here before I get killed. Bloody drugged-up Nazi!”

He looked around. He had no map, no food, and no money. He did not even have the blanket anymore to keep himself warm. Levi sighed and shook his head. He had no idea where he was, and he could not simply turn back around on the road or he would run into the Germans. He continued onward, figuring he could lie low in the next town and wait for the army to pass him by.

“Well, I wanted to escape the Nazis,” he mumbled to himself. “Seems the Nazis escaped me.”

He stared down the long, muddy road, expecting the horse to turn back around at any minute, but as an hour passed and there was no sign other than the trail of hoof prints, Levi realized he really was alone now.

“Dammit, Eren,” he whispered, feeling a sense of loneliness he had not known in many years.

# # #

# #

#

**The Nazi Wonder Drug**

**Pervitin** was Nazi Germany’s [performance-enhancing wonder drug](https://allthatsinteresting.com/pervitin-nazi-drugs). Originally, it was meant to give people a little more energy and mental clarity. It was used for obesity, ADHD, depression, and it grew popular with factory workers, medical students, menopausal women, and people with chronic fatigue.

When Hitler told his generals about his plan to blitzkrieg across Europe, they warned him that what he wanted was impossible. Soldiers could only march so many kilometers a day, and they needed time to sleep. A continuous blitzkrieg across hundreds of kilometers for days on end was _just not humanly possible_. However, Hitler believed Aryans were not just humans: they were _supermen_! Sometimes, a superman needed a super drug.

The German high command recommended giving Pervitin to soldiers. Medical research showed it stimulated the central nervous system, releasing copious amounts of dopamine that gives the user a prolonged euphoric high. It increased alertness, concentration, improved self-confidence, all while removing fatigue and pain. Soldiers became bolder, fearless, and they followed suicidal commands without hesitation, feeling invincible. As a bonus, it reduce their need for food and sleep.

It was first tested in the invasion of Poland, and seeing the glowingly positive results, the generals agreed to use Pervitin in the blitz across France. In April and May of 1940, 35 million tablets were shipped to German troops. In panzer units, soldiers were _required_ to take one or two pills every day. Those who took Pervitin stayed awake for up to three days at a time, walked for a hundred kilometers without resting, and felt no pain, thirst, or hunger. With this “wonder drug,” Germany managed to defeat the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and France in just six weeks.

Soldiers grew to love the effects and asked for more, and more, and more. They called it _Hermann-Göring-Pillen_ (after Hermann Göring) or _Panzerschokolade_ (tank chocolate) as it made the person feel stronger than a tank. It is also a strong aphrodisiac, and this led to many German troops raping women and men in a drug-fueled euphoria.

However, Pervitin was not without crippling side effects. Soldiers rapidly lost weight. If they could not get their pills, they became unable to think, had chest pains, nausea, and as the reality of what they had seen and done in battle crashed in on them, some became depressed to the point of suicide. When they were on the pills, they fought fearlessly but recklessly, acting like zombies rather than proud warriors. Overdosing, which happened frequently, led to violent paranoia, rapid mood swings, hallucinations, seizures, cerebral hemorrhaging, and psychosis. There were reports of soldiers attacking officers whom they felt were hording the Pervitin.

In 1941, Leo Conti, the Nazi Reich Health Leader, finally heard enough bad things about the results of prolonged usage and proof of intense addiction. He categorized Pervitin underneath the Reich opium law, officially making it illegal. That was a futile move, though. Rather than decreasing supplies, the Nazis increased shipments to troops. Especially as Germany invaded Russia, the need for a drug that would keep soldiers energized, focused, and obedient outweighed what this might do to them after weeks or even months of taking it. However, in areas where there was no conflict, soldiers were slowly weened off their supply.

In the public sector, Pervitin was still allowed with a physician’s prescription, and such a prescription was easy to get. Simply say, “I want to be more industrious for the betterment of Germany and need something to give me more energy,” and a doctor happily handed over a bottle of pills. When soldiers could not get their pills, [they wrote home, begging family to send them bottles of Pervitin](https://www.amusingplanet.com/2020/05/pervitin-wonder-drug-that-fueled-nazi.html).

After the war, Pervitin remained easily accessible, both on the black market and as a prescription drug. Former soldiers desperately sought it out to deal with the depression and post-traumatic stress. They had become addicted, and some remained addicts for life. It continued to be popular with students into the 1980s, when both East and West Germany banned it.

Pervitin was made from methamphetamine hydrochloride, which we know of today as **crystal meth**.


	27. A Road Between Two Churches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi travels through the countryside, alone, free from Nazis, but without food, water, money, or a map. Although a Jew, he finds help from one group who often defied the Nazis: the Catholic Church.

Levi plodded onward, his feet hurting in his worn out shoes, his ass aching from hours in the saddle, but he felt a strange elation.

_I’m free._

He could not even really grasp the idea. He was no longer a prisoner. Allies were liberating this country. They may have already passed through this area, chasing the Nazis back to Germany.

_I’m free._

He had spent too many years on the run, hiding in basements and closets, just trying to survive to the next day. He had killed and seen too many get killed. The idea of being a free man, of walking the streets openly, was so strange to him.

_I’m free._

He kept repeating that in his head, but it still did not feel real. Where would he even go? He had planned for months on simply running away from the Nazis, but he never sat down and actually planned a route. He knew he needed to reach the coast so he could catch a ship to America, but many ports had been bombed. Which ones still allowed passenger ships? How did he even board one going to America?

This was why he had gone to the French Resistance in the first place. They had promised to get him to a ship, cover his passage, and get him set up with charity groups in America who would provide legal assistance to him and the other Jews seeking to be allowed in as refugees.

It could take months to save up enough money for a ship ticket, but the urgency was less now that the war was in the Allies’ favor. Now that France was liberated, could he still be considered a refugee? How did one get a visa? How did emigrating even work? Surely, his mother emigrated when she moved from Strasbourg to Paris, becoming a French citizen and getting Levi citizenship as well, but Levi had been only four, so he had no idea what was involved.

For four years, he had only thought about how to escape and survive. He realized he needed to focus on that now. He needed food and water, at the very least. If he could make his way back to Paris, he knew people there who could get him set up with a job, or if the place was a bombed-out hellscape, he knew the streets and had survived for years by thieving.

If things truly were a disaster, he had learned how to survive in the wilderness. He had a knife, and that was all he really needed to build a shelter, hunt, and survive.

An hour dragged on. He was in a forest again, after an afternoon of farmlands. The clouds overhead were getting darker, and he wished he had not left the blanket on the horse. Then he heard the plinking noise of raindrops in the leafy canopy, followed by a few drops hitting his face.

“Just what I need,” he grumbled. Still, with his throat parched, he turned his head up, hoping for a little water. The few drops that reached his tongue were not enough, and he had to keep moving. The Germans were somewhere behind him.

He was trying to swallow his saliva just to moisten his throat when he heard a stream. Levi plunged into the trees, batting away branches, following the sound. It was a small creek, but he was thirsty. Levi knelt by the creek, cupped his hands, and looked at the water.

Not the cleanest, but at that point he did not care. He drank handful after handful, savoring the first thing he had to drink since the awful tea that morning. Refreshed, he continued onward.

He had been walking not even half an hour before his stomach churned.

“Shit,” he grumbled. He had consumed tainted water before and knew the symptoms. He fled far enough into the woods so that if the Germans came right at that awful moment, they would not hear or smell anything. Then he hurried to get his trousers down as his intestines rebelled against him.

Minutes later, tired and feeling more dehydrated than he had before, Levi trudged ever onward. The forest opened up to a small commune, a few houses, a church, a couple of shops, all looking old, like the past three centuries had not touched them. He saw the spire of a church and headed toward it, trudging up an exhausting hill. Beyond, he saw a glimpse of a castle. So, this village was rather important. That might be to his advantage, or a big danger, depending.

For now, he could seek sanctuary in the church. Although he was Jewish, he knew churches took in anyone in need of help.

The entrance was morbid. Rather than a garden to greet guests, a person passed through an elaborate cemetery, stately graves with onyx crosses, marble headstones, and carved epithets. He walked up to towering wooden doors and yellowed gothic stone arches that soared above with immense panes of colorful glass. He had to give it to Catholics: they sure knew how to make a person feel tiny.

He pushed open the heavy oak doors and looked around. It was a typical Catholic church, open, airy, light pouring through the stained glass windows like heavenly rainbows. Upon closer look, it was obvious that the place had some of their treasures looted. Alcoves that once held statues were empty; crosses probably made from gold had been broken off and taken. Nazis often looted anything of value from the churches in areas they conquered.

An elderly priest with silver hair and pale eyes wearing a black cassock came up. “ _Wëllkomm, mäi Jong. Bienvenue, mon fils._ ”

Levi sighed in relief to hear the priest speaking in both some language he did not know, but also in French. He had not realized it while on the road, but he was not in France anymore, and the language barrier could be a problem.

“ _Bonjour, Père._ I am lost, quite literally. What town is this?”

“You are in Fischbach.”

“Fischbach?” The name sounded German, and that worried him. “What _country_ am I in?”

The priest looked deeply sympathetic. “You’re in Luxembourg. You really must be very lost, my son. Please, come in. I am Father Uri.”

Levi thought back. What was that name he went by while on the run? “Rivaille. Rivaille Martin.”

“God welcomes you, Brother Rivaille. Is there any way I can help you?”

“I seek shelter, possibly sanctuary.”

“I see,” Father Uri said solemnly. “Trouble?”

“Nazis,” he whispered. “First, not to be rude, but I drank some stream water earlier, and it’s not hitting my stomach right. Does this place have a toilet?”

“Of course it does. Feel free to wash up from your travels. Please, follow me.”

Levi began to step forward, but he stumbled in dizziness. The priest grabbed him before he collapsed.

“Perhaps some water?”

Levi’s stomach let out a sickly growl. “Toilet! Food would be a blessing. I’ve not eaten since this morning, and I’m about to shit out whatever I did eat.” He paused and realized whom he was talking to. “Sorry, Father.”

“Fear not. If you’re looking for blessings, you’ve come to the right place. There is a room for you to wash up, and a study room where you may rest. I’ll bring food and water, and you look like you could use some wine. You are welcome and safe here, my son.”

Levi stepped more into the church, following Father Uri. He glanced into the nave to see how many people were praying. Instantly, his shoulders stiffened as he saw familiar gray uniforms with swastikas.

He hissed out a breath. “You have Nazis here?”

“All are welcome in the House of God.” Father Uri glanced to where the soldiers were praying. “Well, God welcomes them, at least. The nearby castle is frequently used by Germans. Most of them fled days ago, but a few haven’t yet left.”

Levi felt his heart racing. All over again, he felt the fear of being discovered as a Jew. That afternoon’s momentary euphoria of freedom was slipping away.

He continued on to a room where he could use the toilet and wash up. Levi rushed in and barely made it before his bowels purged out everything. He cursed himself. Drinking creek water like that had been a novice mistake, he knew better, but he was not thinking clearly yet. Everything that had happened since yesterday’s slaughter was still a daze, not yet fully sinking in.

No, even before that. Everything since Eren confessed his feelings. Everything since he was raped. Everything since the Germans invaded his country and murdered his wife and unborn child. None of it had fully sunk in yet. He wondered if it ever would.

After his guts felt like absolutely nothing else was let inside, Levi set about washing up. He was glad that he could rinse himself off in a large basin, using a towel and soap to wash as much road dirt and mud off of him as he could. He stepped out feeling better.

He was shown to a study room where a plate was set out with a fish, a loaf of bread, a dollop of butter, and a wedge of cheese. Levi gladly ate, and the priest gave him both water and a goblet of wine.

“You look like you’ve been traveling for a while,” he said. “You also seem to be frightened of our German guests.”

Levi muttered, “I’ve had some bad experiences with Nazis.”

“A Jew?” he guessed.

Levi froze mid-bite and looked up with narrowed eyes. “Would you kick me out if I said yes?”

“Of course not. Just because you do not acknowledge Christ, you are still a child of God, one of His chosen people.”

“Chosen to be Hitler’s punching bag,” Levi grumbled.

“You said you are seeking sanctuary from the Nazis.”

Levi shrugged as he ate some cheese. “If I have to. I would rather not put your church into trouble, though, especially if you have Nazis on the inside.”

“God protects us all here, my son. Where are you headed, to wander into a country and not even realize it?”

Levi stared off, thinking about that question. “I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I was a prisoner of the Nazis since May, conscripted to be their translator while they were in northern France. I watched my companions die, one by one, tortured, raped, executed. They kept me alive purely to translate as they rode through Belgium. Today I managed to escape. No,” he whispered. “Not _escape_. He left me behind.” Levi paused as he remembered the sight of Eren galloping away from him. “I wonder if he did it on purpose.”

“Where would you like to go now? Perhaps I can assist.”

“I want to sail to America. I need to get out of Europe.”

“If you wish to get to America, your best plan is to go to Luxembourg City and take a train to Antwerp. The port took quite a beating, I doubt passenger ships will be heading there anytime soon, but you can travel first to London and from there get a ship to America.”

“You seem conveniently knowledgeable.”

Father Uri chuckled to himself. “I’ve helped Jews and Roma escape before. In my many years, serving God through two wars, I’ve come to realize that God tests us all to the limit of our capability: the capability to love, to forgive, and to survive.”

Levi snapped, “Tell that to the friends I lost yesterday morning!” He bit back his rage and lowered his head. “I’m sorry.”

Father Uri smiled benevolently as he refilled Levi’s wineglass. “It seems God has tested you a lot. He must know you’re a strong man. The proof is that you’re still here.”

“Are you saying my companions were _weak_?”

Father Uri shook his head. “I’m saying, it was their time to join our Heavenly Father, but He chose you to survive because He knew you were strong enough to continue. You’re here, proof that God judged you right.”

“I’m alive by sheer luck,” he mumbled. If Eren had not run into that dungeon, Kitz Woermann would have shot him for certain.

“I don’t believe in luck. I believe in miracles, destiny, and the Will of God.”

“Will of God?” Levi whispered. Had God sent Eren to him? Was he a miracle, Levi’s destiny, or was he yet another temptation?

“If God has deemed you worthy enough to survive this long, I feel it is my obligation to help in His Will. Do you have supplies for your journey?”

Levi pouted. “I have absolutely nothing but my clothes and a knife.”

“The church takes tithes to help the poor, and someone with nothing certainly counts.” Father Uri walked over to a bookshelf. “Ah, don’t tell the Germans I hid this. They had me turn over most of our funds for the poor already.” He removed a thick tome, opened it, and the pages inside had been cut out to hide a small box with money inside. He counted out a few bills and handed them to Levi. “This should be enough to get you some food and a train ticket.”

“That’s very kind of you, but the Allies are heading this way. Won’t Luxembourg City be under attack?”

“No, apparently the Germans are leaving without a fight. That’s why these soldiers are in here praying for a safe trip. You can stay here until we hear more news.”

“I’d rather not stay in a place where I know there are Nazis, especially ones who might be angry that they’ve been ordered to run away.”

“In that case, I have a dear brother in the church in Bourglinster. It’s only eight kilometers south of here. He has not mentioned any Germans in his village for a long time. I can write you a letter of introduction asking him to take you in.”

“That would be very kind, Father,” he said respectfully.

“Finish eating. I’ll be right back.”

Levi picked at the fish, but his mind drifted in the silence of the study room. He thought of Eren, clinging onto his back, whispering hot words and rubbing his chest and legs in a sensual way. Levi sneered and tried to shake out the memory.

“ _Last night was a dream come true. I wanted to do so much more._ ”

Levi flinched. Last night, he had let his mind wander. He had been tempted to roll around, face Eren, and see where things went from there. He had to confess, he had been curious about what Eren might actually want beyond kissing.

Instead, he acted coldly. He would not let Eren kiss him. Then just today, he snapped at him many times as Eren became more affectionate due to the drugs. He had been cruel, calling Eren a Nazi despite knowing he was beginning to reject those teachings.

“ _I can barely tolerate you kissing me._ ”

That had been a lie. Although his first few kisses had been strange, he found himself gazing at Eren’s lips more. Just two nights ago— _only_ two nights ago—he had kissed Eren with something very close to passion.

Okay, maybe it really was a passionate kiss.

With tongue.

It could have been merely a lot of wine in his belly, but he had to admit, he enjoyed it. When Eren’s body reacted to the kiss, Levi felt a spark of smugness. _He_ could make Eren aroused like that.

“ _You make me hard. Hot. I want you more and more each day. It’s making me blocked up._ ”

Seeing Eren stroke himself from the intense arousal also did something to Levi. Not that it made him more curious, but if anything, more cautious. _That_ was what this relationship could become. The reality of their genders suddenly felt more substantial. Somewhere in the back of Levi’s mind, he knew that intimacy was probably a goal Eren wanted to reach one day, although for the moment the young soldier was still awkward with kissing.

He knew Eren had only been reacting to the drugs, but he wondered, had Eren pleasured himself like that to fantasies of him before? Had he secretly touched himself while thinking of their kisses?

“What shitty thoughts to be having inside a church,” he mumbled to himself. He looked up to heaven. “Don’t strike me with lightning, okay? I don’t know if I want any of this yet.” He sighed and looked at a stained glass window. “I just don’t know.”

Now, Eren was gone. He would come out of the drug and realize he left Levi behind. He would probably panic and try to search for him, but he would be forced to continue on to Metz.

And Metz … was a death trap.

Levi forced another bite of fish with a little wine, but he let his mind think about that. Metz was a desperate last stand by the Germans. How long could a single city, even one as historically impregnable as Metz, hold out against a modern military and air force? There was a very good chance that Eren might not survive the coming battle.

He wished they could have left on better terms. Instead, he had snapped at Eren, turned down his kisses, and cursed him as he rode off. And Eren … he knew the soldier well enough. He would feel intense anguish for leaving Levi behind. That brat would be racked with guilt over his drug-induced choice.

Then again, maybe he would be glad that Levi was free.

He just seriously hoped that bug-eyed captain did not shoot Eren for losing track of him.

Levi hated that he was so worried, and that he already felt lonely. _Stupid takhshet!_

Father Uri returned with a letter. “To my brother Rod in _Église de l’Immaculée-Conception_. There’s also directions, but I deeply apologize. While I speak some French, I don’t have a clue how to write it. The directions are in Luxembourgish. If you translated for Germans, it should not be a challenge. Just remember, _lénks a riets_ , left and right.”

“I’ll figure it out,” Levi mumbled as he shoved the papers into his pocket. “Thank you very much for the food.”

With that, Levi left the church. The priest walked him all the way to the main doors and opened them for Levi.

“It’s raining again,” Father Uri noted, looking out over the cemetery in front of the church. “Are you sure you must leave now? It’s late. You could leave in the morning.”

“Thank you, but I don’t want to stay here too long. The Germans who imprisoned me will be coming through this town, probably soon.”

“You have requested sanctuary in this church.”

“They would _burn down_ the church if they figured out I was here. Those Nazis _guests_ of yours could tell them.”

“Then let me get you a hat, at the very least.”

Levi was going to tell him no, but the priest was already hurrying to the side. He sighed and shook his head. If this man wanted to be so helpful, he would take it as purely a blessing.

Just a minute later, Father Uri returned with a tweed flat cap. “My nephew left it here last time he visited and wrote that I should keep it and give it to someone in need of a hat.” He handed it to Levi. “God certainly is smiling on you today.”

“I really hope you’re right. My whole life, it’s felt like God was one step away from smiting me.”

“Not today, I think.” The priest crossed himself. “ _Pax tecum sit, et benedicat te Deus._ Go in peace, and God bless you.”

With that blessing, Levi set out on the road. The eight kilometers to Bourglinster went slowly, with the rain quickly drenching him, making him thankful for the flat cap that at least kept the drops out of his eyes. Walking through the woods, with the sound of a nearby river to his left and a hill towering with oaks and pines to his right, Levi trudged onward.

How far behind were the Germans? Should he pick up the pace? Eren had been racing, Levi had to admit that he pushed the poor horse too hard just to keep up, but he had rested for an hour in that church and no army marched by. Was Kitz keeping the company at a more even pace? Had Eren truly raced that far ahead? Where was he? Was he staying safe? Was he even still following the map?

Then up ahead, through the gray curtain of misty rain, Levi saw a fork in the road. He came to a stop and pulled out the directions Father Uri had written.

“ _Béit lénks op der Kräizung._ ”

“What the bloody hell does that mean?” Levi mumbled. “Wait, he said what’s left and right. Shit, what was it again?”

He squinted at the directions. Why couldn’t Father Uri have drawn pictures or something to go along with it? Then he remembered what the priest said: ‘ _If you translated for Germans, it should not be a challenge._ ’ Father Uri must have assumed that Levi translated into German, not English, and wrote this in a way a person fluent in German would be able to figure out. Levi cursed as he realized he should have actually looked at the paper before shoving it in his pocket.

The signpost showed that to the left was Stuppicht, Weier, Blaschette, and Altlinster; to the right was Schoenfels and Lintgen. Go the wrong way, and he might be wandering the countryside all night. The sun was already getting closer to the horizon.

“I think he mentioned _lénks_ , left and right. Maybe it’s related to English, so the L’s are the same. Which means … left?”

That made sense, plus more towns were listed to the left, so at least he would be able to ask for directions up ahead. He took the left path, but not even five minutes later he came to another split.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” He looked at the directions now getting wet and the ink running. “ _Tour riets an der nächster Strooss. Riets_ , right? _Tour_ , maybe that means go or turn, so turn right. I have no clue what a _Strooss_ is. Fuck, I hope he meant turn right here.”

The right-hand road wound through trees that cast dappled light on the path. The path narrowed, the forest grew thicker, and Levi began to worry that he went the wrong way. He could hear a stream nearby, though. Main roads tended to follow rivers, and rivers always led to towns.

Glancing around, it would have been a lovely walk, if not for the rain, the fear of a Nazi army coming up behind him at any moment, blisters aching his feet, and burning pain that was starting up again in his ass. That horrific rape happened not that long ago, and riding in the saddle had hurt bad enough. Now, he cringed as his hips moved and cursed each kilometer.

The forest finally opened, and he saw a gleaming white house with farmlands stretching out into the rainy horizon. He saw stables and horses out in the pastures. To his relief, there was a woman out front gathering vegetables for dinner.

“ _Excusez-moi, madame. Je suis perdu._ ” Excuse me, madame. I’m lost.

“ _Entschëllegt, Frënd, ech schwätzen net Franséisch._ ”

Levi bristled. Was that German? He was in Luxembourg, though. Maybe this was Luxembourgish. He held up the sheet with directions. “Bourglinster. _C’est par où?_ ” Bourglinster. Which way?

“ _Buerglënster? Sidd Dir op An der Buerg ënnerwee?_ ” She suddenly turned and let out an epic holler. “Minaaaaaaaa!”

Levi jolted, and his hand went to his knife on instinct. Why was this woman screaming? Who was she calling? Then a young girl with pale skin and jet black hair kept in braids came riding up on a gorgeous chestnut horse.

“ _Wat ass et, Mamm?_ ”

The woman spoke to the girl, while Levi watched the two with suspicion. At least the girl, maybe no more than fifteen, looked harmless. She flashed Levi an innocent smile.

“ _Hutt Dir Uweisungen un wou Dir hi gitt?_ ” Do you have directions to where you are going?

Levi stared at her. How was any of this supposed to help him?

The mother explained to her daughter, “ _Hie schwätzt kee Lëtzebuergesch._ ” He does not speak Luxembourgish.

Mina hummed. Then she saw the paper in Levi’s hand, so she pointed to it. “ _Kaart?_ ” Map?

“ _Carte!_ ” That word was similar, and he handed over the paper. “ _Un prêtre a écrit ceci. Il est écrit en luxembourgeois, alors peut-être que ça t’aidera. Mais tu ne me comprends pas._ ” A priest wrote this. It is written in Luxembourgish, so maybe that will help you. But you don’t understand me.

Mina read the directions. “ _Ech gesinn. Dir wëllt an d’Kierch zu An der Buerg goen. Ech kann dech dohinner huelen._ ” I see. You want to go to the church in the Castle. I can take you there. The girl held a hand down to Levi. “ _Op!_ ”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Op?”

She showed him through hand gestures that she wanted him to ride on the horse with her and shook her hand again, urging him to take it to mount the horse.

Levi hated the idea of riding even more with his ass already aching, but he had no choice. Despite the priest’s directions, the way to the town must be confusing if the girl was offering to take him there rather than try to explain it. He glanced first to the mother, but she shrugged and continued to gather vegetables. So Levi grabbed Mina’s hand and hoisted himself up onto the saddle behind her. With a wave from the mother, the girl clopped down the road.

Levi sighed as they pulled away from the house with its stables and riding arenas and continued through fields glistening with misty rain. “You’re foolishly trusting of strangers,” he mumbled.

“Oh, do you speak English?” she asked in surprise.

Levi gawked. “Wait, you do?”

“Yes. Bopa, my father’s father, he is from Yorkshire. This will make the trip better. I am Mina Carolina. What is your name?”

“Levi,” he muttered.

“Hello, Levi. Nice day we’re having.”

He glanced at the dark gray clouds and the misty drizzle of rain. “Yeah, sure. Nice,” he grumbled, really not up for small talk. Besides, that sounded like a sentence she had been taught as part of a language lesson. “You know, since you speak English, you can just tell me what’s written on this page. You don’t have to go out of your way.”

“It is no problem. I love to ride in the rain. An der Buerg is not far.”

“An der Buerg?”

“Oh! Sorry, that is what we call Buerglënster.”

“If it’s not far, then I can walk.”

“The road is odd. Whoever wrote this did well, but you need to know precisely which roads to turn on, and he did not even write in … um, things to see … _landmarken_.”

“Landmarks. He apparently couldn’t write in French. I don’t blame him, our spelling is preposterous.”

“Ooh, big word! What does that mean?”

“It means silly.”

“Silly! I like the word _silly_. That’s what Bopa calls me. But really, the trip is easy when you have been there before, but if I were to say ‘go right, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then left,’ how soon before you get lost?”

Levi scowled and kept quiet. In a strange land with the German army coming up behind him, flat open farmlands around him and no good place to hide, he would definitely either get lost or be discovered.

Mina rode the horse slowly, enjoying the sunset trip, holding her face up to the misty rain. Levi wished she would ride a little faster. He kept glancing behind his shoulder, worried if the Germans were coming. He no longer even knew which road they were planning to use. Maybe the army went right one of the times he went left. He hoped so, but he had no way of knowing, and out there on flat farmlands, he felt horribly exposed.

“Is something wrong?” asked Mina.

“I was fleeing Nazis. Hopefully they aren’t coming.”

She turned around to look at him. “Fleeing? What is _fleeing_?”

“It means _to run away_.”

“Oh, I know _run_. But why would you run from Nazis? Nazis are nice.”

His eyes narrowed. “Not when you’re Jewish.”

Her mouth dropped. “ _Sidd Dir e Judd?_ ”

He wanted to roll his eyes. “Don’t tell me. You hate Jews.”

“No, I … I don’t … hate…” she said, fading into a mumble, and she looked back around at the road. “My parents, they support Nazis. They sell many … horse … horses, to Nazis. They say, Nazis help us. Nazis … protect us. Protect from … from … well,” she whispered awkwardly. “From Jews. They say bad things about Jews.”

So, her parents were Nazi supporters. That really was unfortunate. “Do I need to get off this horse?”

“N-No,” she muttered. “I have never met a real Jew.” She glanced back and examined his face. “You look so … normal.”

“I’ll try to take that as a compliment.”

“I have only seen drawings. Your nose, it is not that big.”

“Yeah, that’s a stereotype,” he muttered. “I’ve known Jews with big noses, and I’ve known Aryans with big mouths.”

“Big mouths?” She thought about those words, then suddenly laughed. “Oh, I get it! Big mouth!” She pointed to her lips and laughed. “You speak English very well, and all these big words. Are you British?”

“French, actually.”

“Oh! I went to Paris when I was six years old.”

“Cute,” he muttered.

“How do you know English?”

“I used to live in London.”

“Really? Have you ever been to Yorkshire?”

“Actually, yes.”

She spun around on the horse. “You have?” she shouted in excitement. “Is it really as beautiful as Bopa says?”

Where Levi had gone had not exactly been beautiful. It had been filthy, industrial, with smoke choking the air, the sourness of chemicals in the food and water, and soot blackening all the buildings to a dismal gray that matched the sludge in the streets. Still, he knew that had merely been the city he went to, and he did not want to crush this girl’s fantasies. They might be the only thing keeping her happy through this war.

“It was like a fairy tale,” he said drolly.

She looked positively radiant. “Ooh, I want to go some day. Bopa said, if I learn how to speak English, he will take me to Yorkshire after the war.”

After the war … how many children were made promises like that, and how many had been hearing those words through most of their childhood? How many more would not live long enough to see the end of the conflict?

They rode on in silence. Levi glanced back again, but he realized that every time he did, Mina made a small gasp and also looked. Sighing and against his better judgment, Levi decided to stop looking back so she would not be so afraid.

“So,” she finally said, “you said you are running away from Nazis. Was it one of those … um, _Aarbechtslager_? Labor camp?”

“ _Labor_ camp?” He scoffed and shook his head. “That’s rich! No, I was a slave. Do you know the word _slavery_?”

She frowned and nodded. “ _Sklaverei_.”

“They kept me in a dungeon at night, whipped me, beat me more than once … as well as things I can’t tell a little girl like you,” he muttered darkly. “Yesterday, the Nazis slaughtered all of my friends. I escaped, and here I am, lost in the middle of fucking Luxembourg, Germans behind me, Americans somewhere up ahead, and of course, it _has_ to be raining.”

“Slaughtered?” she asked.

“It means killed. The Nazis shot them. Bang, bang,” he said, so she would understand. “We were locked in the dungeon, we couldn’t even go anywhere, trapped in our cells, and they laughed as they killed us one by one. I only survived by a sheer miracle.”

He thought about what Father Uri had said. It really had been a miracle that he survived that, and Eren showed up out of nowhere, like he had been given heavenly wings to lead him to freedom.

Mina shivered in terror. “Nazis … slavery … killed … no, Nazis are good. All the Nazis I have met were nice. One gave me a candy.”

Levi gazed out at the horizon. “There are some kind Germans out there, but if you’re a Jew, there is no mercy from the Nazis, only death.”

Mina looked stricken with horror. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think … I know they do not like Jews, but I didn’t think … it’s hard to imagine. They have only ever been nice to my family.”

“Then you’re lucky.”

Mina did not speak again, and Levi grew pensive. She was just a child. Why had he told her such terrifying things?

Maybe _because_ she was a child, and she was the future of this country. In every country Germany had invaded, there were bound to be people who welcomed the Nazis and supported their ideology. If this girl could grow up knowing that the people her parents supported were monsters, perhaps there was a bit more hope for her country.

The sun had set, and it was getting dark when they rode into a town with old brick-and-stucco buildings and cobbled roads. Mina brought the horse along the road, winding through streets, until they saw a gleaming church with a tall steeple. She reined in the horse, and Levi slipped off the saddle.

“Sorry I wasn’t good company,” he said.

“It’s okay. Farewell. I hope you find help here.”

“Be careful heading back. It’s getting dark, and those Nazis are somewhere out there.”

“I will be safe. Good night,” she said, and she turned her horse, riding back down the road.

Levi sighed, glad to no longer be on a horse, but also not happy to be back on his aching, blistered feet. He shuffled forward through a garden—thankfully not another cemetery, that had been morbid—and up to the dark church doors. He opened one, and immediately he saw something he never expected.

“What the fuck!”

Sitting on a wooden bench in the entryway, eyes glazed and cheeks flushed, was Eren Jäger.

“Eren, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Careful, we’re in a church,” he said, laughing weirdly.

“Are you still drugged?”

Just then, a young deacon in white robes came forward. “ _Kann ech dir hellefen?_ ”

Levi rolled his eyes. “ _Dites-moi que vous parlez français, Père._ ” Please tell me that you speak French, Father.

“Yes, I speak French. I am Deacon Ulklin. Do you know this man?”

“Unfortunately,” he mumbled. “What happened to him?”

“I’m not sure. He was found stumbling around town and brought to the church. I thought he was drunk, but he doesn’t act like a normal drunkard, nor does he smell of alcohol.”

Eren stared to the side intently and said with a hyper-focused gaze, “I can hear a mouse chewing in the wall.”

“It’s a drug,” Levi told the young man. “I thought I lost him.” He looked down at Eren and said in English, “Of all the insane coincidences, you just had to end up here.”

“My horse,” Eren said. “It died.”

“How you were pushing it, I’m not surprised.” Levi then turned back to Deacon Ulklin. “ _Pardonne-moi._ I have a letter.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the note the other priest had written.

“Ah, this is addressed to Father Rod. He’s in charge here, but he is visiting one of our elderly parishioners. It says you are hiding from Nazis. Well, you are safe here. We haven’t had Nazis in this village in years.”

“Hah!” Eren burst out, making both of them jump slightly. His glassy eyes gazed at the stained glass windows. “I can hear them.”

The door burst open, and Mina suddenly raced in, her face pale.

“Levi! Levi! It’s the Nazis. They’re already here.”

Eren lifted his head. “Hey, she speaks English.”

Mina went on, “I reached the edge of town when I saw them. It’s an entire army! They’re headed straight this way. You need to hide.”

Eren laughed weirdly. “ _Wir sind einschüchternd._ ” We’re intimidating.

Mina looked down in horror. “He sounds German. Is he a Nazi?”

“It’s complicated,” Levi muttered. “Explain this to the priest here. His French is awful.”

She spoke rapidly to the deacon in Luxembourgish, while Levi walked up in front of Eren. “Listen to me, _takhshet_. Your company is coming. Make your decision now. Do you want to run away with me, or are you certain you want to stay with them?”

“I’m not deserting,” Eren insisted. “If they’re coming, I can get a new horse. A horse! _Pferd!_ ” He leaped up and bolted out of the church.

“Eren!” Levi watched him run, but he feared going out there. If the Germans saw him, he would be back in their service, and he would not get the chance to leave again.

Mina looked over to Levi. “Was he a friend?”

Levi stared outside with aching regrets. “Remember when I said some Germans can be kind. He’s one of the nicest ones I’ve ever met.”

Deacon Ulklin excused himself to go ring the church bells to warn the townsfolk of the coming army. Levi sat where Eren had been, the bench still warm, and as the church began to toll its bells, he gazed out the opened door at the growing dusk. Once again, he and Eren were parting on bad terms. Maybe if he had not said anything and pulled Eren inside the church, away from the German company, he would not have realized who was coming, and he could have been forced to stay, at least until the drugs were out of his system.

“It’s getting dark. I need to go home,” Mina whispered.

“Don’t go out there until they’re past.”

She did not argue, staring with Levi out the church door. He heard the noise soon enough, a hundred horses, three noisy trucks, and men singing German marching songs. Levi stood and pulled away, lest he be recognized. He walked into the nave, looking forward at the altar with its massive crucifix, a skinny Jesus hanging limply from a cross.

How ironic that the people who knelt to an image of a Jew being murdered also laughed as they murdered Jews!

Deacon Ulklin returned from the belfry and walked up to Levi, looking gravely concerned. “Did you bring them here?”

“I did not. I’m a Jew. They enslaved me a few months ago. I escaped them while they were on the road. It’s just bad luck, of all the towns that the priest in Fischbach could have picked, he sent me to one the Nazis were going to pass through.”

“That letter from Father Uri said you were a Jew,” muttered the young deacon. “I doubt you were working for them willingly, and it seems crazy that they would send a whole army after one runaway Jew.”

Levi glared ahead at the religious fixtures. “You’d be surprised what they would do if a single person defies them. But in my case, it’s just pure bad luck.”

Suddenly, he heard Mina bellow out in rage, “ _Dat ass mäi Päerd._ ” That’s my horse!

Levi spun around in time to see her running out the door. “Mina, no!”

He heard whinnying from the horse Mina had been riding. Apparently, the Nazis saw an unattended horse as fair game for the taking. He heard Mina shouting, but Levi knew the Germans would not understand her, and since he did not speak German, there was not even a way for him to translate for her. Plus if he went out there and they recognized him, he lost his chance at freedom.

Then he heard Mina scream in terror. Both Levi and the deacon ran to the door and saw two German soldiers holding onto her, one locking her wrenched back in his arms, the other lewdly feeling up her breasts.

Deacon Ulklin yelled with a booming voice as he stomped out of the church and into the surrounding gardens, “ _Dëst ass d’Haus vu Gott!_ ” This is the House of God!

A soldier pulled out his gun, turned to the approaching deacon, and shot him. Ulklin stumbled backwards, grasping his chest as crimson blood spread over his pristine white robes. He fell writhing in pain.

Levi fled backward and hid behind a wall separating the entryway from the nave. For a moment, he was blinded as the sound of the gunshot made the horrors in the dungeon surge back into his mind. He shoved that aside for now and listened. He needed to focus or he was dead.

He heard the two men pulling Mina toward the church as she struggled and screamed for help. Levi stood perfectly still, listening closely to the sound of boots and German chatter. Luckily, the men stopped in the lobby. He heard the two soldiers scheming together, shouting at each other to hurry.

Levi slammed his eyes shut and calmed his breath. For a moment, he seriously hoped this House of God really was a holy place, and maybe his prayers could be heard. He silently begged God that what he feared most was not about to happen.

Then he heard Mina scream in horror. “ _Nee! Stop! Gitt weg vu mir. Een hëlleft mir!_ ” No! Stop! Get away from me. Someone help me!

Levi clenched his teeth, shaking out nightmares as he heard her shrieking wretchedly while the soldiers chuckled with lewd remarks.

_No! God, please stop this. Not again! If this is really your house, God, then for fuck’s sake, stop them!_

Mina suddenly switched to English and cried out in desperation. “Please, save me! I’m so sorry, Levi. Please! Help me.”

Levi cursed under his breath and looked around the corner, only to see his worst fear was right in front of him. One soldier had pinned Mina to the floor and flipped her skirt all the way up. The other had lowered his trousers to his knees and knelt between Mina’s flailing legs, stroking himself in eagerness. Levi stared in horror as he realized the soldier preparing to rape her was the jailer, the same man who joined Grützmacher as they raped the Jewish prisoners. The scene of horror crashed into his mind, watching those women getting raped, already having been a victim just hours early, helpless as they were brutally violated. It all surged in his stomach, along with the rage, pain, and disgust he felt that day.

Mina lashed out against them both with all of her strength, screaming and fighting, but she was clearly overpowered. Her eyes caught Levi’s.

“Levi. Help me,” she begged in terror.

He had seen eyes like that, Ruth crying out to be saved, and all Levi could do was comfort her with words and try to reach through the prison bars to hold her trembling hand through the pain and humiliation.

“Never again.”

Levi ripped out his knife and silently bolted forward. He grabbed the would-be rapist’s hair, yanked his head up, and slit his throat in a flash.

“ _Brûlez en enfer, espèce de salaud._ ” Burn in hell, you sonuvabitch.

Before the other could even yell in alarm, Levi lunged forward and stabbed the man in the throat, choking off his cry.

With his blade buried deep in the soldier’s throat, Levi did something he rarely did. He looked the man straight in the eyes. For one brief moment, he hoped this was not one of Eren’s men. The soldier saw him and looked stunned.

“ _Jude_ ,” he croaked out, recognizing Levi from the public raping.

While the face was familiar after a summer spent in their midst, Levi had no idea who this person was. He yanked the knife to the side, slicing out the entire front of the man’s throat.

The soldier dropped, choking on blood and trying to scream out a throat ripped to shreds. To make sure he stayed silent, Levi stabbed the knife into the back of the man’s neck, right between the vertebrae. Instantly, his body fell limp.

It was over in mere seconds, and Levi stood over the two bodies, glaring, his knife dripping blood. Mina looked on in horror. When Levi’s eyes turned to her, she scuttled away.

“I won’t harm you,” he promised. “Are you hurt?”

She shook her head and tried to move her mouth, but no words came out.

“It’s safe now.” His eyes glanced down. “Fix your dress.”

“Oh,” she said numbly, and she pulled her skirt back down, not trying to stand yet, not while her whole body trembled with the horror of what could have happened to her, and the brutality of what she just witnessed.

“Levi!” Eren ran into the church with a huge smile. “I got another horse, so we can…” He saw the two soldiers and the growing puddles of blood. “What the hell did you do?”

“They were trying to rape her. I stopped them.”

“You _killed_ them!”

“Yes, I did,” he said factually.

“They were good men.”

“Did you not see the body of the priest outside? These men shot him when he tried to stop them from molesting Mina here. Then they brought her inside to rape her. Check _that_ guy,” he said, pointing to the first man he killed. “I’m pretty sure his dick is still out. Do you think men who’d shoot a priest and rape a child inside a church are _good men_? All I did was stop a couple of rapists.” His eyes narrowed. “You did no less when it was _me_ being raped by a German soldier.”

Mina gasped. “The Nazis raped you?”

“Me and every female Jew in my group,” Levi said, glaring at Eren coldly. “That bastard with his dick still out, the night I was raped, he joined—what’s his name—Grützmacher, that asshole, and they raped two women right there in the dungeon, in front of the rest of us. We couldn’t help them, couldn’t stop them, all we could do was sit there and listen to them scream. There was no way in hell I would let him rape Mina as well. He deserved a much slower death than what I gave him. Now, turn around, go back to your army, and pretend like you didn’t see anything.”

“I can’t let you go,” Eren said coldly.

Levi’s grip on his knife tightened. “What?” he asked, fatalistically quiet.

Eren scowled in disgust. “I was going to, but just now as I was searching for a spare horse, _Hauptmann_ Woermann stopped me and asked where you were. He was drumming his fingers on his gun. He’s already mad that I lost my horse and my lead as the lookout. If I don’t go riding in front of the company with you behind me, he’ll kill me.”

“So you’re dooming me instead?” Levi shouted.

“I can still help you to escape. Jean even said he would help us. Please,” Eren said with pleading eyes. “I know it’s asking a lot—”

“It’s condemning me to death!”

“Two more days. When we reach Metz, I’ll help you to escape, I swear. Otherwise, I’m dead for sure.”

Levi let out a sneer of frustration. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ ” He glared up at the vaulted ceiling. “Why don’t you just strike me down yourself, huh? I’d rather die right here in some Christian church than be killed by a Nazi. You obviously don’t want me to live, so just strike me down already. Kill me right here!” He sneered up at the ceiling and screamed, “ _Vas te faire foutre, Dieu!_ ” Go fuck yourself, God!

His screams echoed through the church and faded into silence. Eren and Mina gazed on at him with sympathy.

Levi sank his head and grumbled a curse, “ _Putain de merde. Dieu a un sens de l’humour exécrable._ ” Fucking shit. God has a terrible sense of humor.

If he had only stayed in Fischbach, if he had gone to literally any other town, if he had turned right at the fork in the road instead of left, if he had not asked for directions at Mina’s farm, and worst of all, if he had not met up again with Eren, he might have escaped. Now, if he refused, he condemned Eren to death.

Levi glanced up at Eren, debating if he could still force his way to freedom. He was fairly confident that he could win in a fight, yet there was no way he would do anything to get Eren killed.

Levi cursed in Yiddish, “ _Du farkirtst mir di yorn._ ” You’ll be the death of me. He lowered his head and muttered, “Fine. I guess I have no choice.”

Mina leaped up and grabbed his arm. “No!”

“He’s right. If I don’t go with him, his captain will have him executed.”

“But if you go, you could be shot, or worse!”

Eren stated firmly, “I’ll protect him.”

She turned at him. “He wasn’t protected out there earlier, alone on the road, lost and wandering. Where were you then?”

Eren’s mouth dropped at the girl’s attack, but he had nothing he could say.

Mina turned back to Levi and squeezed his arm. “Don’t go. Come back home with me. We can take you in, shelter you. You can work for my grandfather. Bopa would love to have someone around who speaks English.”

“Your parents hate Jews.”

“We won’t tell them. We’ll tell them you’re French, and you lived in England, and you’ve been to Yorkshire—”

Levi put a hand over her terrified fingers. “I have to do this.”

“Why?” she cried out, tears coming to her eyes.

Levi looked over at Eren, his gaze sharp and spiteful. “I owe this bastard so many times over, if I go with him, it’d equal out only a portion of my debt.”

Eren said solemnly, “It will balance any debt between us.”

“Saving you once won’t balance shit!” Levi snapped.

“I’ve also asked a lot of you over the past two days,” Eren said, and then his head dropped to the side, “and I’ve done things today that require so many apologies, I’ll be saying sorry until I’m old and gray.”

Levi frowned, but he was glad to see that Eren was at least sane enough now to remember how he had acted on the road and to know it was wrong. He turned back to Mina and those fretful, imploring eyes. What a tenacious girl, to have nearly experienced such a horrific thing, yet she had the strength to care for some stranger she had known for less than an hour. He put a hand on her head.

“Ride back to your parents. Try to forget all this.” Then Levi looked back at Eren. “Are you going to tell anyone that I killed these men?”

“No,” he whispered. “I won’t say anything. They’ll be listed as missing and maybe presumed to have run away, but if I tell anyone that they were killed, _Hauptmann_ Woermann might burn down the whole town.” He looked down at the two men and cursed. “It’s this drug. I saw men do horrible things to women in Paris after taking some Pervitin. It makes you … _geil … geil wie ein Hengst_.”

Mina raised an eyebrow. “Horny as a stallion?”

“Yes!” Eren said, pointing to her. “Wait, how does this girl speak English so well? And how do you know German?”

Mina shrugged. “I don’t. The words are the same in _Lëtzebuergesch_.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “So that drug is an aphrodisiac?”

“Aphro- … yes!” Eren cried out. “That’s the word. It makes you hot inside. What did you say, horny?” he asked Mina.

She blushed. “Well, that’s what my brother calls it in English.”

Levi muttered to himself, “ _Ça explique ce qui s’est passé plus tôt._ ” That explains what happened earlier.

“Huh?” asked Eren.

“What was that?” asked Mina.

He did not want either to understand. He had been wondering if the drugs were what made Eren so playful earlier, trying to seduce him on the horse, even masturbating right there on the side of the road. If the pill was also an aphrodisiac, that explained it.

“Anyway, we should get going before that bug-eyed captain sets the church on fire. Mina, tell someone about the Deacon Ulklin. You can let them know it was the Nazis who shot him, but not until the group is far down the road. Perhaps the deaths of these two will keep people from doing anything stupid in revenge.”

She looked down at the two soldiers lying in puddles of blood now soaking into the church’s carpeting. “Who do I say killed these two?”

“You can say the Archangel Michael struck them down, for all I care.”

“I will tell them it was a Jew. Perhaps,” she said with a smile, “it will make others think nicer about your people.” Mina took Levi’s hand and squeezed it.

Eren’s fists tightened in jealousy.

“Please be safe out there,” she said.

Levi nodded. “You as well. I’m so sorry I dragged you into this.”

“No, it was my choice to help you. Besides, I met a nice person, I got to practice English, and I got to see that Jews are not what my parents think they are.” She smiled and blushed. “I’ll never forget you, Levi, or how you saved me.”

Mina leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek, further angering Eren.

“Excuse me!” Eren looked back and forth between the two, and his eyes hardened. “Who is this girl?”

Levi glanced back, amused by the jealousy in Eren’s eyes, but he was still angry at the young lieutenant. “This is Mina. She brought me to this town after _you_ abandoned me.”

Eren flinched hard at the bitterness in Levi’s voice, plus he could not dispute, he really had deserted him.

Levi shook his head and looked back over at Mina. “Wait until you don’t even see our dust trails before heading back home, just in case there are stragglers. It’ll be even more dangerous traveling at night.”

“I may wait until Pater Rod returns. If I wait long enough, my brother will come looking for me. He can take me home.” She glanced at the darkening world outside. “I’m too scared now to go alone.” Her eyes began to water over as the terror of what she just barely escaped finally began to sink in, and she hugged herself in fear.

Levi reached over and stroked her head. What could he possibly say? Then Petra’s words returned to him. “Survive this war. Find a goal to get you through the worst times. Live, no matter the price.”

She raised her face as a tear slipped down, met his eyes, and nodded in agreement. “I want to see Yorkshire.”

“Then live for that goal,” he urged.

She managed to smile. “Maybe you’ll get to go back there someday too, and we can meet again.”

Levi forced himself not to roll his eyes. “Maybe. Just stay out of Sheffield. That place is shit.”

His brusqueness made her laugh despite the tears starting to come to her eyes.

“Remember, stay inside until the Germans are long gone. I’d honestly feel better knowing that someone will walk you home.”

“Then I’ll wait here for my brother and say a prayer for you.”

With another pat to her head, Levi and Eren left the church, walked past the body of the deacon, and to a horse Eren had taken, saddled up and ready.

“Where did you find another horse?”

“The captain mentioned they raided a _Reiterhof_ … um, horse place? I don’t know the word. Lots of horses.”

Levi scowled and seriously hoped that was not Mina’s equestrian farm. Likely, it had been, especially if her family was supportive of Nazis. Did this horse belong to Mina’s family?

Eren climbed on and lifted Levi up behind him.

“My ass hurts so bad,” Levi groaned.

“Do you want a Pervitin?”

“Fuck no! And don’t you dare take another one of those pills.”

“I already did. When Woermann saw me, he demanded that I take another pill. It’ll probably start to work in a few minutes.”

“ _Merde_. You know what it did to you last time.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. That … that wasn’t me. If I act like that again, you can hit me over the head.”

“I’m afraid, even if I hit you, it’d make you harden up as well.”

Eren laughed awkwardly. “It might, but you don’t have to worry. The captain doesn’t want us far ahead of the company anymore. We have a good lead on the Americans, so long as we hurry south, and apparently twice there were times when we could have used a translator, including at that _Reiterhof_.”

“They speak Luxembourgish here, not French.”

“You were able to speak with that _Diakon_.”

“With the what?”

“Church man.”

“Oh, him. That was lucky.”

“Well, pray for more luck, and don’t leave my side.”

Levi sneered. He could only imagine, if he left Eren, there might be more than one Nazi who would not care if it was a woman or a man who satisfied their drugged-up lust.

As their horse clopped down the cobbled street, Levi heard noises up a wooded hill and looked that way.

“What’s going on?”

“They’re looting the castle for more horses and anything to eat.”

“And probably raping any maids left behind.”

In a wry, angry tone, Eren asked, “Do you want to check it out, maybe slit a few more throats?”

“Maybe I should!” he snapped back.

Just then, they heard a woman scream and looked to the side. A German soldier had grabbed a young lady, forcing her into a building while she thrashed about, trying to break free and grabbing hold of anything to stop the abduction. Levi jumped off the saddle and stomped toward the building.

“Where are you going?” Eren yelled.

Levi called back to him, “To slit a few throats.”

“Get back on the horse.” Levi continued undaunted. Eren cursed and galloped over to cut him off, putting the horse between Levi and the building where the woman was still screaming inside. “Don’t you dare kill any more men.”

“Do you even give a damn if a woman gets raped?” he yelled. “Or is it only men you care about?”

“I won’t let you kill him.”

“Then you stop him yourself.”

Eren pulled out his gun and pointed it at Levi. Coldly, he ordered, “Get back on the horse.”

“What the fuck, Eren?” Levi shouted, stunned by the fierceness in his eyes.

“ _Jetzt!_ ” Now!

Levi could hardly believe that Eren was actually threatening him with a gun, and not because his captain was forcing him to act this way. Then he heard the woman shrieking and he shook his head.

“Shoot me.”

Not waiting, Levi walked around the horse and continued onward, already reaching for his knife.

Eren took aim with the gun, but he could not pull the trigger. Even as Levi walked into the building, he could not bring himself to do it. With a growl, he holstered his gun before anyone saw and grew curious. The screams inside stopped quickly enough, and a minute later Levi stepped out with the cold eyes of a man who had no qualms against killing. Those murderous eyes looked up at Eren.

“You better ride out of town before I hear more, because if I know it’s happening, I will stop them, and if you don’t want me to slit their throats, you’ll have to shoot me.”

Eren’s jaw was tense, his whole face filled with rage, but it was not just at Levi. He understood Levi’s determination, and he privately admired it. He was angry at the Germans who would resort to pillaging and raping. Deep down, Eren felt these men deserved whatever Levi did to them.

And he hated himself for once again letting his conscience get in the way of his duty. He was a German! Why was he allowing some _Jewish scum_ to kill German soldiers? Some dark side of his training was surging up, and he trembled as he felt himself succumbing to it.

Softly, barely a wisp of air, he said, “Get on the damn horse. Up front, where I can grab you so you don’t do that again.”

Levi climbed up onto the saddle. Immediately, Eren grabbed his hair and yanked Levi’s head backward, making him cry out in pain. Eren hissed in his ear.

“That was Milieus. He’s part of my platoon. The next time you kill one of my men, I will not go easy on you.”

“Then you should have stopped him yourself.”

“That is not your call to make.”

“Exactly! It was _your_ call, and you weren’t going to make it. I will not stand by as a person gets raped, and fuck you for being okay with it.”

Eren yanked his hair harder, bowing Levi’s spine backward. “I am not _okay with it_. I just won’t kill one of my own men, especially one that is on a pill that makes him out of his mind.”

“Then act like a damn officer and keep your men in line.”

Eren seethed. “That. Is not. Your. Call.”

“Right,” he scoffed wryly. “Wanting to protect women, wanting to stop rapists: I guess that’s all too honorable for a Nazi pig like you.”

Eren let go of Levi’s hair and hit him hard over the head, almost knocking him out of the saddle. On pure instinct, Levi’s hand went to his knife. He shot back an enraged glare, his fingers gripping the hilt. Seeing the cold, hard, militant stare, he had half a mind to slit Eren’s throat right there and take off running, as if he was just another Nazi soldier.

Then he had to remind himself, Eren cared for him. Whatever was going on, it was the drugs. This change in attitude, the roughness, the disregard for the safety of innocent civilians: this was antithetical to Eren’s normal personality. He loosened his hand, lowered his head, and tried to calm the stinging pain in his heart at seeing Eren actually acting like a Nazi.

Just then, they both heard a rider chuckling. Eren looked over to see Franz cantering up beside them. The Czech soldier laughed at seeing his lieutenant beating up the Jew.

“ _Haben Sie Probleme mit Ihrem Judenhund, Herr Leutnant?_ ” Are you having problems with your Jewish dog, Lieutenant?

“ _Er hat einen Befehl nicht befolgt, das ist alles._ ” He didn’t obey an order, that’s all.

“ _Wenn er Sie beißt, müssen Sie ihn einschläfern lassen_.” If he bites you, you must put him down.

“ _Er ist nur ein kleines Hündchen, und seine Zähne sind zu klein, um hart zu beißen._ ” He’s just a little puppy, and his teeth are too small to bite hard.

“ _Haustiere sind nicht erlaubt in Metz, Herr Leutnant._ ” Pets are not allowed in Metz, Lieutenant.

Eren laughed quietly. “ _Das weiß ich bereits, Franz._ ” I know that already, Franz.

He realized the huge difference between Jean and Armin—who were willing to break a few rules to keep Levi alive since he was an innocent civilian caught up in this war—and men like Franz, who hated Jews and felt they should all be shot. Not everyone in his platoon would be willing to help him.

Franz rode on, and Eren let out a long sigh. He looked down at Levi, slouched with his head lowered in servitude.

“I’m sorry about that,” Eren whispered.

“No, you’re not,” Levi growled under his breath.

“I did not mean to hit you.” Eren sneered and shook his head. “It’s this pill. It’s kicking in. My head!”

“Save your apologies for when you’re sane enough to actually feel remorse. Just ride. Ride out of this town before I change my mind and run off.”

They cantered on through town. As they got closer to the castle, Eren passed the truck with Kitz Woermann, giving him a salute. Levi glared at the captain as they passed. It was all _his_ fault, and that bastard probably would laugh if he heard about his men raping a few local girls.

As they reached the end of town, Levi glanced behind his shoulder, seeing the church steeple, the castle, and the idyllic town plunging into darkness as dusk turned into night. This place was supposed to be his sanctuary. For a few hours, he had been a free man. Now, he was right back where he started.

“No offense, Eren,” he muttered, “but right now, I seriously hate you.”

Eren’s eyes stayed straight ahead. “I don’t blame you.”

That was all they said together for a long time.

# # #

# #

#

  
_(Église Saint-Georges, Catholic church in Fischbach)_

_**Fischbach, Luxembourg** , is the first village Levi goes through. As I looked around on Google Maps to see what he might have experienced walking around on his own, I realized he would pass by the church, and then I realized there was a castle nearby. Cool, I love castles, so I read more about it._

  
_(Castle Fischbach)_

_Château de Fischbach, Schloss Fischbach or Schlass Fëschbech—depending which of Luxembourg’s three official languages you prefer—was taken over by Nazis during World War II. Like other royal residences in occupied lands, the majority of furniture and art was stolen and sold to support the Wehrmacht. It became a retreat for German artists who wanted a relaxing vacation in the countryside. The Germans called it Künstlerheim Fischbach (Artist’s-Home). Because the artists liked the castle as it was, it was not renovated and “Nazified” like many other castles._

  
_(Prince Guillaume and Stéphanie)_

_When Grand Duchess Charlotte returned to Luxembourg in 1945, Castle Fischbach was the only inhabitable castle in her possession; thus, she moved there with her family. Even after the other castles were restored, she chose to stay in Fischbach out of personal preference, as did many of her descendants. To this day, Prince Guillaume, heir apparent to the crown, currently lives there with his wife Stéphanie and their son, born just a few months ago._

  
_(Église de l’Immaculée-Conception in Buerglënster/Bourglinster)_

_**Buerglënster/Bourglinster** is Levi’s next stop. Apparently both are official spellings of the city’s name, depending on if you speak Luxembourgish or French, so in the story, if the characters are speaking in French (like Levi and Uri) then it is the French spelling, but when a character is fluent in Luxembourgish, they call it Buerglënster. I read that the locals call the town “[An der Buerg](https://lb.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buergl%C3%ABnster)” (literally, “in the castle) so that is what Mina and her mother call it._

  
_(Buerglënster church, courtyard view from Google Maps)_

_— **Personal side note** : I do not know why people change spellings of locations. It’s stupid, I hate it, and shut up, you Brits who insist it’s “centre not center”; that’s different, and when Brits spell a location “Centre for Learning,” Americans spell it “Centre” as well. It’s respectful to keep the spelling, even if it’s different for us. Personally, I believe we should call a place what the locals do. English-speakers should call “Germany” Deutschland, Japan should be Nippon, etc. It should be pronounced as close to the native way as possible (like Mexico: Meh-hee-koh, not Meks-uh-koh). This may be because I live in Oregon, and some Americans on the East Coast can’t pronounce my state properly … and we live in THE SAME COUNTRY! (Oregon rhymes with dragon, not polygon!)_

_He stops in **Église de l'Immaculée-Conception** , the Catholic Church in town. He also passes by **Castle Bourglinster** , AKA Schlass Buerglënster or Château de Bourglinster. Funny thing: In Luxembourgish, Buerg means castle, but glënster means glitter, so while writing I kept giggling about "Glitter Castle." For the record, it's not Glitter Castle; it's Castle Linster/Lënster, named after a noble family. Not as fun as Glitter Castle._

  
_(National Commemoration Day, inside Église de l’Immaculée-Conception)_

_One interesting historical note as I was looking up on all this, was a picture from[fanfare-bourglinster.org](https://www.fanfare-bourglinster.org/). Since the 19th century, a chamber orchestra had existed in Buerglënster/Bourglinster. They were the musical and cultural highlight of the town. During the Nazi occupation of Luxembourg, the “Deutsche Zivilverwaltung” (German Civil Administration that led the country) confiscated the orchestra’s funds and their musical instruments. As a musician, this pisses me off so, so much! I would shoot a person who tried to steal my trombone. I know a guy who actually murdered a man who tried to rob him at gunpoint and wanted his trumpet. Do NOT mess with a musician’s instrument! Sadly, eight of the orchestra members were forcibly recruited into the Wehrmacht (this happened in every country Germany invaded) and only four came back alive. To this day, the orchestra plays a memorial concert to their fallen brothers on National Commemoration Day. The website included this picture of the inside of the church during one of the first memorials for the fallen of the Second World War._

  
_(Industrial Pollution in Sheffield, Yorkshire, 1925, artist unknown)_

_Levi says to stay away from **Sheffield**. At the time he would have been there, it was an industrial town with heavy amounts of pollution, as seen in the painting above._

* * *

**My Writing Journey**

It’s actually kind of cool about Fischbach. I picked that name at random (it reminded me of Markiplier, AKA Mark Fischbach … Unus Annus!) So I pulled up Google Maps Streetview for a little virtual tour. I realized Levi would pass by a church, and that’s a perfect spot to stop and seek shelter.

(At this point, I was wondering how Levi and Eren could reunite. Eren bolting off in the last chapter was not in my outline, but it felt way too perfect.)

After reading about the castle being used by Nazis, I decided to add some in. Levi sees the Nazis, panics, and leaves. In reality, if he had stayed there, he would have been perfectly safe … but where’s the fun in that? I wanted Levi to find Eren tweaked out on meth in a “random village.” Considering my last random village had a cool castle used by Nazis, I was on a roll. I glanced at Google Maps again and saw in bold “ _ **Kirsch**_ ” (Church) a little south of Fischbach. I totally randomly decided that was close enough for him to walk. Turned out, this was Buerglënster.

I again brought up Google Streetview to see what the walk there would look like, maybe I could describe some cool scenery. That’s when I noticed a fork in the road.

Considering I paused and went “Wait, which way would he go,” Levi would definitely have a crisis. I went back and wrote in that the priest writes directions, but not in French. I wanted this simple walk to be a challenge.

Then continuing to the left, there was another fork. This really would be hard without a good map. Then I continued in Streetview, through a lovely forest that opens up to rolling farmlands and an equestrian ranch. Horses! I immediately thought, the Nazis would trade their horses here for fresh ones, and wouldn’t it be something if this family was supportive of Nazis? (Some Luxembourgers were, and they were later arrested for helping the enemy.) This also gave me a chance to use some Luxembourgish.

For the record, I do NOT speak **Luxembourgish** , nor do I know anyone who does. For every other language, I have friends I can ask to help with the translation. (When I remember to ask; I didn’t for this chapter so please leave in the comments any incorrect non-English parts.) For Luxembourgish, I could not even rely on Reverso Context. I had to trust Google Translate. Ugh!

Since Buerglënster is a series of forks in the road, and I got lost twice using Streetview and trying to get there, I realized Levi would have a really hard time without a map. However, there are horses. This gives me a chance to bring in more female characters from SNK, like Mina Carolina. She could give Levi a ride.

I wanted Levi to mutter “You’re foolishly trusting” in French, but I could not find a good translation and did not feel like bothering my French translator again. (I really do worry about being a bother!) So I went with English, and as I realized this was going to be a boring trip if Mina can’t communicate with him, I decided, “Why not! She speaks English.” At this point, I was making stuff up as I went.

I still had no clue how Levi would meet up with Eren again, nor how he would end up back with the Germans. That’s when I decided, a tweaked out Eren could have been taken in by the church. They might have thought he was a drunkard and hoped to keep him safe until he sobered up, since it was getting dark. Plus he rode his horse until it died. (That’s two horses he’s gotten killed.)

There was still one problem. Levi would never willingly return to servitude under the Nazis, and even on drugs Eren would never betray his country. I considered Eren forcing him at gunpoint, but let’s be real: Levi would easily beat him in a fight. I saved the gunpoint scene for later.

Then I wondered, do the Nazis come through this town? I pulled up Armin’s Map (really a Google Maps walking route I tweaked to go around Allied troops) and YES, they do! I picked this town at random off Google Maps, but in Armin’s original escape route, they actually do go through Buerglënster. Perfect!

But still, how does someone who has taken shelter in a church get forced to work for the Nazis again?

What if Levi lost the protection of the priest? What if the Nazis shoot the priest? This didn’t actually happen historically, although many Nazis were condescending of religion so they would not care about shooting a priest while on church grounds. So rather than a priest, I made it a deacon. Father Uri said his _brother_ was in another church, and going off the manga I made that his literal brother, Rod, so I picked Rod’s son Ulklin as the deacon. (Reach into a hat and grab a name!) At first I thought the Nazis could loot the church (happened all the time) but then Mina rides back to warn them.

Oh Mina, you doomed black-haired beauty, you fit into this plan perfectly.

Crystal meth can make you ragingly horny as well as fearless, aggressive, and it completely changes your personality. (This is why Eren acts the way he does at the end. It’s 100% the drugs.) In the hands of Nazis, that means someone is going to get raped. If Levi sees that, especially after what he recently went through (it’s only been eleven days), he would react, no matter the cost. He would NEVER allow that to happen to another person again. So we finally get to see Levi fight and kill someone. About damn time! A stab to the back of the neck was just too perfect for Attack on Titan.

Of course, Eren would get mad at seeing two Germans killed, but he can’t really blame Levi for doing it, not after what he’s been through, and what Eren himself did when he saw a soldier raping Levi.

This is the perfect spot for Eren to tell Levi, he has to come back or Kitz will shoot him. Eren is mad that Levi killed Germans, Levi is now unprotected (he does not even have a member of the church to shelter him anymore) and Levi does not want to be the reason more people die, especially not Eren. Besides, even if he tried to escape, Eren only needed to shout, and a hundred Nazis would surround that church … and maybe burn it down. So he reluctantly follows.

Eren’s personality is already turning dark when he sees that Levi killed two rapists. When he goes after one of his own platoon members, that dark Nazi training really comes forward. Crystal meth can flip your personality and turn the most gentle person into a violent ball of rage. Worse, Eren privately feels that these men deserved it, which tears at his loyalty to Germany above everything else. All that training is really coming to the surface. The soldier Eren spent his life training to become has surfaced, and the gentler side is being suppressed by pure instinct and indoctrination.

So they are reunited, but Levi is angry that Eren is basically enslaving him to save his own life, and Eren has just had his dark side flipped on. At this point, Levi might WANT the horny Eren instead of the cold Nazi officer.

Well, every couple has a first fight; it just usually doesn’t involve murder, rape, drugs, and Nazis.

And **THAT** is how I bullshitted my way through this chapter, haha! I originally was going to blur past the long trip through Luxembourg so we can get to Metz, but it turned into a little adventure. Eren taking off on the horse came as a surprise to me (amazing how writing can surprise the writer more than the reader sometimes) so this whole thing was unplanned.

But hey, I had a nice virtual vacation through Luxembourg and learned a little about the country. That’s a perfect day of writing for me!


	28. A Dark Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Germans continue their journey to Metz, Levi is plagued by horrific nightmares that keep resurfacing in the grim darkness of a rainy night.

They rode out of Buerglënster, up a steep switchback road, into a forest, only for it to open up to more farmland. As the purple bruising of dusk waned into virulent blackness, Eren pulled out an oil lamp strung on the saddle, struck a match to light it, and held it aloft, brightening the road in front of him with a flicking orange glow. Levi took the map out of Eren’s saddlebag and led him through all the awkward streets of the countryside, with more forks in the road that had to be navigated carefully.

“Right at the fork,” Levi muttered, squinting in the dark. “Yeah, and now a left. You want this road.”

“We should wait to make sure the others catch that. It’s tricky.”

Levi wondered if Eren was paranoid now about getting separated from the group and ending up in more trouble. Surely, he must have gotten reprimanded for riding his horse to death. Now, instead of being so far ahead that they could not even see the Germans, they heard the company singing marching songs, and they needed only to glance over their shoulders to see dozens of lamps in the darkness.

Levi began to get a sharp pain in his ass and lower back. His discomfort was momentarily distracted by Eren behind him, twitching, rocking, unable to keep still, and breathing faster. Levi shook his head, figuring the intense energy of the Pervitin must be kicking in. He ignored it and merely tried to shift himself in the saddle, until he heard Eren make a grunting hiss. Worried that his shifting had hurt him, Levi remained still and simply put up with the ache.

After a few minutes, Eren’s twitching became a little _too_ purposeful, his hips rocking, his breathing getting ragged, and definitely something stiff was rubbing along Levi’s spine.

“Oy. What are you doing?” he asked in annoyance.

“Nothing!” Eren squawked out in humiliation.

“Well, you’re either hiding a carrot, or your dick is hard.”

“No! I … I’m sorry. It just got that way.”

Levi shook his head, but he still felt that stiffness poking into him again and again. “Seriously, stop that.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re poking me in the back, repeatedly. I’m already sore back there.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t get it to go down.”

“ _Merde!_ First you’re ready to shoot me, now you’re rutting against me.” Despite his admonishment, Eren kept twitching, and Levi felt another thrust up against his lower back. He growled annoyance. “I said stop it!”

“I’m not trying to do anything, but you’re so warm, and the rocking, back and forth, on the horse, rocking, rocking horse, feels so good.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, I really don’t know, my mind won’t stop, I’m so sorry, I know you hate it.”

“Yes, it’s disgusting. Get off the damn horse and deal it with.”

“No, you hated that last time.”

“I hate this even more.”

“But I don’t … I can’t … I…”

Eren let out a whimper, and he grabbed Levi’s shoulders, burying his face into his back.

“Let me go! What the hell is wrong with you?”

Eren moaned, “ _Du fühlst dich so gut an!_ ” You feel so good.

“If you grope me, I will stab you in the leg.”

“I’m not … I’m not … _oh nein. Nein! Ich komme!_ No!”

“What—?”

Just then, Eren’s arms squeezed him in a tense spasm. A whimper pressed tightly on his lips, and a tremble went through his thighs. Then Levi felt wetness on his back.

“Oh fuck, you didn’t!” he sneered.

Eren could not stop shaking, and he sounded ready to sob. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t even touching. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” His nose snuffled. “I don’t like this. I know you hate it, and it’s embarrassing. I don’t want to be like this in front of you. I’m so sorry.”

Levi shook his head. Of all the shitty things! His hand squeezed into a tight fist, clenching until his fingernails threatened to pierce his skin, just so he would not turn around and punch Eren. He needed to calm down. His life depended on not making a scene, not with the Germans close enough to see their lanterns.

“Look,” Levi growled, straining to keep calm. “I know you’re not in your right mind. I’ll try to think of this as if you’re ill, a little boy who’s come down sick. I can forgive what happens when you’re sick, so long as you don’t touch me.”

“I … I won’t. I won’t touch.” He pulled his hands off of Levi, but Eren whimpered as the cold air hit his crotch. “I made a mess.”

“You sure as hell did.”

“Really, I am so sorry,” he muttered. “After all this, I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Good! Because I’m rethinking all of this.”

Eren gasped in horror. “What? W-Wait, no! Levi—” He began to grab his arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Levi snapped, and Eren quickly pulled away. Levi glared out at the darkness of the countryside. “I don’t know if I want to purposely make a man do _that_. It’s disgusting.”

“But … but it’s natural. All men do this.”

“Exactly! Making _myself_ come is bad enough, but making someone else? Gross!”

“But you are okay with women. What do women do?”

“Moan a lot, get wet inside, and that’s about it. She didn’t make a mess.”

“No, but you were the one making a mess inside her, right?”

Levi said nothing. Suddenly, intimate moments with Petra returned to his mind, nights of passion, her angelic body on the bed, thrusting inside her, whispering her name in adoration. He flinched at the memories of passion, happiness so intense that it now hurt worse than any bullet. It had been ages since he allowed himself to remember the sensuality that had existed between them. With those memories came deep grief of his loss. He would never feel her body again.

“It was a dream with her,” he muttered. “I’d be fighting nightmares with you.”

Eren’s mouth dropped, hurt by that brutal truth. His head sank, and he tried to pull away further from Levi.

Levi closed his eyes, regretting that he had been so honest. He sensed the way Eren’s body slumped in misery. Then Eren suddenly jumped down, stumbling slightly as he landed on his injured leg.

“I hear a river,” he said coldly. “I’ll wash up and be back before the rest of them pass by.” With that, Eren plunged off the road, carrying the lamp with him.

Levi held onto the reins of the horse, staring ahead, thinking about his married life. Eren had feelings for him, and from time to time, Levi thought perhaps he could start again.

Could he really? After love like that, could he give his heart to another? And of all things, to a man who wore the uniform of the men who butchered his wife?

“Petra,” he whispered in a prayer to the night.

The German column approached. A few people shouted out to him, but Levi had no clue what they were saying. Most seemed to be asking where Eren went, but he had no idea how to reply.

Then he saw Jean and Armin riding in Eren’s platoon’s truck. Armin shouted out to him in broken bits of French.

“Eren? _Où est-il?_ ” Where is he?

“ _Il est allé pisser._ ” He went to take a piss.

“ _Pissen?_ ”

Levi snorted softly. “Good to know that _piss_ is basically universal.”

The truck rolled by, and other horses followed. Levi reached behind him as his shirt stuck weirdly. It was not that wet, he was sure most of it had soaked Eren’s trousers, but the moist stickiness was a tangible reminder of what their relationship could become. He might like Eren embracing him, he might even be warming up to kisses, but one day Eren might want _more_.

And Levi was not sure that he could do that with a man, not after everything that happened to him. He still had dark nightmares of pain in his ass and unwanted ejaculations filling him until he felt like bursting.

He shuddered hard at the horrific memories, those idiot soldiers with the mop, Moses apologizing as he was forced at gunpoint to thrust into him, Grützmacher violently raping him over and over again, the feel of semen and blood dripping down his thighs, the burning, the pain, wishing Eren was there, wishing Eren would save him before he cracked.

And he had cracked. He shattered. Wretchedly.

As the last horses passed and the medical truck rumbled by, Levi covered his mouth, finally allowing himself to succumb to the horrors. He kept swallowing his stomach down, refusing to vomit despite the way his whole gut convulsed with memories of dark horror.

As the column continued down the road and the lack of lamps plunged him into darkness, nightmares surged up from the shadows. His shaking grew worse. Invisible touches slithered over his skin, and he slapped them again. The slight pain in his ass from the saddle became bloody tearing from merciless thrusts, and he doubled over to get away from the feeling. Then suddenly, the rain started up again, coming down in fat drops, making his already damp shirt stick to him more, and that spot on his back seemed to grow, swelling, a burst of white dripping all over his skin.

Suddenly, he screamed, ripped his shirt off, and threw it to the ground. He hugged his bare arms as the rain poured down on him, shaking, a dark horror yawning its tooth-filled maw, threatening to swallow him whole.

He could not have the feel of semen on his skin. Not with those memories right there in front of him.

How could he possibly have a relationship with a man after what happened to him?

How was this fair to Eren? He deserved to be loved _and_ pleasured, and while Levi was wavering on the first, he was not sure if he could do the latter.

Levi turned his head up so the rain fell on his face, washing away something salty and hot. Those couldn’t possibly be tears! Why would he cry for some damn Nazi?

“I’m sorry, Eren,” he whispered into the dark. “I just can’t.”

Eren came back with his trousers drenched, although he had tried to ring them out by the riverside. He frowned at the downpour, but at least it would help to hide the fact that he had needed to wash cum out of his trousers. He realized the column had already passed, and he pouted. He would need to ride fast to catch up and pull ahead of the group.

Then his lamp shined on Levi sitting on the horse, shirtless, his face pale and severe, his knuckles white with how he gripped the reins. He saw the shirt on the muddy road, and Eren guessed the issue. Luckily, he had moistened his handkerchief, meaning to clean Levi’s back. Originally, he thought how nice it would be to rub the wet cloth on Levi’s pale skin and touch where he had made a mess on him. Instead, he merely handed the damp cloth over.

“Wash up. I’ll get your shirt.”

Levi snatched away the handkerchief and wiped his back, scrubbing it with a determined sneer. Eren watched as he kept vigorously wiping, over and over, as if he was scouring a filthy pot. Sighing with regret, Eren took the shirt and rushed back to the river to wash the sticky spot as well as the mud from the road. Then he hurried back while wringing out the shirt, half thinking that Levi would take the horse and race back to Buerglënster. He was glad to see him still there, but Levi was also still madly scrubbing his back.

“You already washed it away,” Eren whispered, and he gently tugged the handkerchief out of Levi’s fingers. He held out the shirt. “Here. It’s wet, but it’s clean.”

Clean. Levi liked cleanliness. He hated filth, like what had filled him that dark day. He mindlessly pulled the shirt back on, not minding that it was drenched. The wetness let him know that the filth was washed away, and without the filth, the monsters settled back down.

“How about I ride up front now? If I have more problems, it won’t affect you.”

Levi nodded silently. He scooted back, and Eren climbed to the front of the saddle. Unlike before, when Levi held closely around his waist, this time Levi did not touch him at all. He stayed as far back on the saddle as he could, and he spoke not a word.

They rode at a swift canter, bouncing on the saddle, but Eren seemed to be focused now. In minutes, they caught up to the medical truck, and maneuvering between other riders, Eren worked his way back to the front.

Jean shouted out as he passed the truck, “Hey, where’d you go, Jäger?”

“I had to take a shit.”

Franz was riding nearby. “I thought maybe the Jew killed you.”

Eren merely laughed. “Like a toothless puppy could do that!”

Armin looked up from his radio. “Are you okay?”

“Drenched, but doing fine. Wish I was back in uniform. This shirt itches when it’s wet, and the trousers don’t fit right.”

Jean chuckled. “Don’t fit? More like your dick is stupidly big. I bet you were jerking off. Connie keeps running off, groaning like a pig in heat.”

“Hey!” Connie shouted in humiliation. “I can’t help it. It’s the pills. I remember what _you_ did in Paris after you got your hands on some Pervitin.”

“Oh, do you mean those five ladies?” Jean said with a boastful smugness on his face. “You’re just jealous.”

Eren chuckled at their playfulness. “I’ll see you guys later. Try not to fuck farm animals.”

Finally, he pulled ahead and could slow down to a steady trot. The night felt massive and the land seemed like a flat expanse to infinity. Eren liked riding up front and getting some time to himself, yet he was not alone. A wistful smile twitched on his lips as he felt the heat from Levi on his back.

“Are you okay now?” he asked in wary concern.

“No!” he snapped, still refusing to touch Eren and angry at himself for panicking like that.

Eren nodded gloomily. “Unroll the blanket. I don’t want you to catch a cold in this rain.”

Levi pulled the rolled up blanket off where it was roped to the back of the saddle. He flipped it out, wrapped it around himself, and pulled his flat cap down to hide from the damp September night as they continued onward.

They rode through empty fields, dark forests, and occasionally passed through villages with street lamps, churches, shops, and restaurants. The villagers ignored Eren and Levi, dressed in their civilian clothes, but minutes later they would see the many lamps of the German army. Some civilians cowered back. Others angrily shouted at the Germans in both Luxembourgish and French.

“ _Voici, la fière armée d’Allemagne, fuyant comme des enfants._ ” Behold, the proud army of Germany, fleeing like children.

“ _Lafe fort bei Är Mammen._ ” Run away to your mommies.

“ _Sortez d’ici, espèces de sales boches._ ” Get out of here, you filthy Kraut animals.

“ _Gitt d’Häll aus Lëtzebuerg._ ” Get the hell out of Luxembourg.

In another village, the residents lined the dark streets, holding lamps to light their way, and shouting _Sieg Heil_. At first, Eren smiled, thinking this village must have supported them, until he realized they were flipping the end of their outstretched arms with a limp wrist in a flamboyantly homosexual way, or some just thrust their fists at them, laughing at they gave the ironic shout.

Hail Victory … but the Allies had won this fight.

In yet another small village, they heard a fight breaking out in the ranks of the Germans, and someone opened fire. Eren paused his horse and turned around. He heard someone shout that a villager had thrown a rock, but a few barking shouts from the officers got them to settle down and continue their fast march south. They left that village with the residents jeering them.

The night dragged on, and soon none of the villages had anyone still awake. The rain finally stopped, leaving the world muddy and sparkling the lantern light. Levi flipped the droplets off his flat cap and put it back on his head to keep it warm.

“By the way,” said Eren. “Where did you get the hat?”

“From a priest.”

“A priest?” Eren cried out in surprise. “Where did you find a priest?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “They tend to be in churches,” he said wryly. He heard Eren chuckle softly, and the boyish sound stung his heart. That was the sound he had grown to like, but now he felt angry and betrayed. “He sheltered me after you left, got me food, water, and gave me money to take a train to Antwerp so I could find a ship to America.”

Eren dropped his head, realizing he really had abandoned Levi with nothing, and he almost lost him for good, leaving on such a sour note. “What happened?”

Levi grimly stared out into the darkness. “I made the wrong choice.”

If he had stayed in the church in Fischbach, he could have waited until the Germans passed, and then he truly would have been a free man. Instead, he panicked and made a rash decision.

It was like all of his training had been forgotten.

Levi shook his head. He had almost thought he was finally getting some luck: first, surviving the massacre in the dungeon; second, being able to get away from the Germans; third, finding priests in this strange country who spoke French and were amiable to Jews. Now, all that luck had so quickly reversed.

Eren muttered, “It … It’s nice.”

“Hmm?”

“The hat.” He turned around on the saddle to look Levi over. “It looks good on you.”

Levi sensed a change in Eren. “Have you calmed down?”

“I think so. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, at least I got my shirt cleaned. I wanted to do that at the Reeves’ house.”

“I mean, everything. Shouting at you, pulling a gun on you. That was not me!” He glared into the encroaching shadows. “I know you were just rescuing that girl. You were doing what I _couldn’t_ do, what I knew went against all of my training, and for a while, that was all I could think about: my training. All I had learned in Napola, in _Kriegsschule_ , all my training, all the things they pounded into my head, it all swelled up. For a moment, I didn’t care what those men did, or what Milieus was about to do, because those were just foreign women.”

“What does that have to do with it?”

“One of my instructors in _Kriegsschule_ taught us that a soldier does not kill another soldier unless they are a threat to _das Volk und das Vaterland_. The people and the country,” he clarified. “If an officer catches them having their way with women, so long as the woman is not a German, we … we look the other way,” he said with a disgusted whisper.

“You _let them_?” Levi cried out with a sneer.

“I mean, you _could_ tell them not to, but they would not get into trouble. Hitler even said, soldiers cannot be persecuted for actions against enemy civilians. I was trained, if I see it, let the men have their fun. If they fought hard, they deserved it, and the women should feel honored at the chance to bear a strong Aryan child.”

“Hell no!” Levi shouted. “Women are not some prize you get just because you didn’t die in battle. They’re not something you _deserve_. They’re people you respect, honor, and a man should feel privileged if a woman actually gives a damn about him.”

“I feel that way too, but that simply isn’t how I was taught. Being _thrust_ back into that sort of mind, it makes me sick … and it reminds me what my training was like.” Eren stared out grimly into the shadows. “It shows how far I’ve fallen from the soldier I’m supposed to be.”

“Bollocks! That cocked up mentality they were trying to bash into your brain is not being a soldier. That’s being a bastard and an asshole. I would have punched a soldier in the face if he thought that way. You’re better than that.”

A reluctant smile came to Eren’s lips. “That _cocked up mentality_ was meant to make me better than some French soldier, especially a Jewish one.”

“If you were taught that it’s okay to let a woman be raped just because she was born on one side of an arbitrary borderline, then obviously there wasn’t a shred of manhood left in the tiny dicks of your instructors.”

Eren laughed softly. “I wish I could go back and tell them exactly those words.” He glanced around his shoulder and softly gazed at how the lamp lit up Levi’s face. “I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you. I never should have pulled a gun on you.”

Levi quietly admitted, “It’s not the first time you’ve pointed a gun at me, but it _is_ the first time I seriously thought you might use it.”

Eren’s mouth dropped. “I _never_ would have—”

“You shot one of my friends yesterday, and you’re hyped up on some drug,” Levi snapped. “I’m not putting anything past you.”

Eren’s whole face flinched, pained that Levi would use that against him so soon. He faced forward again, scowling as the scene replayed in his mind, Abel’s glasses, the kick of the gun, the splatter of blood. He shook his head, trying to clear away that nightmare.

“That’s not fair,” he whispered, feeling like he had been punched in the gut.

“Do you know what’s not fair?” Levi said, his voice rising, but not loud enough for the rest of the company to hear him. “Finally being free after months of slave labor, thinking maybe I can actually get the hell out of here, finding people willing to help, offering me food, shelter, a ride, _a hat_ ,” he said, pulling the hat off and shaking it, “and then being forced right back, all because I owe a debt.” Levi glowered into the damp darkness. “Life isn’t fair,” he muttered.

Eren pulled the horse to a halt. Quietly, with a saddened voice, he said, “Get off the horse.”

“What, are you going to make me walk now?”

“Get off, and step aside. Hide in the bushes.”

Levi’s brow creased deeply. “Are you abandoning me again?”

“Yes. For good. Hide until we’re past, then run back to the last village. Find your freedom.”

“They’ll kill you.”

“Maybe,” he conceded, “but at least I die knowing you’re free.”

“Fuck that!” Levi folded his arms and stubbornly remained where he was. “I won’t be the cause of your death.”

“And I don’t want to be the cause of _yours_ ,” Eren insisted, spinning around on the saddle and showing the anguish in his face, his eyes lined red with grief. “Please, leave now, while the pills aren’t affecting my head.”

“Obviously, they still are, because you’re not thinking straight.”

“I’m thinking about you!” He began to reach toward Levi’s shoulder, but the Jew yanked away roughly. “Please, Levi, get out of here while you can—”

“You said two more days,” he cut in. Levi looked up at Eren, and the moon peaked out from the clouds to light an argent glint in his narrow eyes. “You said you would get me out of Metz in two days. I believed you in that moment. Can I still trust you?”

Eren struggled between grief as he realized he stole Levi’s freedom just to save himself, and relief as he saw a little of that trust again in Levi’s eyes. “It might be more than two days,” he admitted, “but I will get you out of there, even if I die trying.”

“Don’t talk about dying. It’ll bring misfortune.” He looked back down the road at the dozens of lamps swaying. “They’re about to catch up.”

Eren tapped his heels on the horse’s sides. “I’m sorry. Everything. Everything about today. I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Levi snapped. “You’re still on those drugs, so you’ll probably cock up again before the night is done. I’d rather forgive you all at once rather than over and over again, and frankly, I don’t feel like forgiving you when I’m still angry.”

Eren kept his mouth shut as they continued on.

Another hour passed with only the sway of the horse and the sound of crickets and hooves. What time was it? After midnight? Levi felt the bags under his eyes growing heavier, and he let out a loud yawn that seemed to get swallowed up in the shadows of hilly farmlands. Not thinking, he rested his head on Eren’s back as he gazed out at the darkness and fought against sleep.

“Are you really planning to push it all the way to France?”

“We have no choice,” said Eren. “Armin mentioned about a full retreat. The Allies are going to arrive in Luxembourg City tomorrow morning and take over without even a fight.”

“That priest mentioned something about that,” he muttered.

Eren sneered at the idea. Four years ago, Germans had died to take Luxembourg; now, they were handing it over to the Allies like it did not matter. He could tell himself that it was a tactical retreat, and Metz would hold the line in the Moselle region, but the Ardennes had fallen apart. The Germans were racing back to the Westwall to prepare for an invasion. No wonder the civilian population felt bold enough to mock them.

The rocking of the horse, the warmth of Eren’s back, the darkness, the hypnotic clomping of hooves, night birds singing, occasionally a river running near enough to the road that he could hear the babbling and chirruping of frogs: it all blended. Levi’s emotions weighed heavy on him, and he felt too weary to even care anymore. His eyelids grew heavy, and he knew he was slumping most of his weight onto Eren’s back, his head nodding.

“Be careful,” Eren warned, causing Levi to jolt up. “If you fall asleep, you could slip off the horse and hurt yourself.”

“I won’t slip,” he grumbled.

“You can hold on tighter.”

Levi wanted to, but he didn’t. He was still mad, and hugging around Eren’s waist felt too nice.

As the night dragged on, Eren seemed to have endless energy, while Levi began to doze off again. Suddenly, the horse came to a stop, and Levi jolted up with half a snore in his nostrils.

“Are we there?”

“No, but I’m seriously afraid you might fall.” Eren got off the horse, shoved Levi up on the saddle, and climbed back on behind him.

“What the hell?” Levi cried out, trying to squirm out of the way. “No! No, you’re not—”

“If you’re in front, I can hold onto you if you fall asleep.”

“Fuck that! Not after what happened last time.”

“That was an accident. I’m … I’m better now.”

“I don’t trust you. You’ll probably try to fondle me again.”

“I won’t, really, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for all of it. I was out of my head.” He glanced around his shoulder at the dozens of orange glows from the rest of the company. “The pills hit many of them like that. Jean said Connie ran into the woods many times to release himself, and I heard that earlier today, two men began to … what is the word … _wichsten_ … to touch your, you know, _Schwanz_.”

“It’s called wanking, tossing, or jerking off.”

“Jerking? That’s a good one. Yes, they were jerking in their saddles and nearly fell. They had to be sent to the medical truck because they could not stop jerking, not for an instant, and they released over and over until the medics worried they may jerk themselves to death.”

Levi sneered in disgust at the idea. “Is it seriously that bad?”

“For some. I didn’t react this way when I took the pills in Anzio. Then again, there was no one I was interested in,” he said with a private smile down at Levi.

“Well, if you feel your dick getting hard again, jump off the damn horse. I really will stab you in the leg next time you rut against me.”

Eren lowered his gaze in humiliation. “I am so sorry about that.”

“Stop saying sorry. I told you, save it for later.”

They rode along in more silence. Eren kept an arm around Levi, and when Levi leaned back a little, that warm chest was right there. Despite everything earlier, he felt safe in Eren’s arms, and his eyes began to drift.

“I don’t see how you can forgive me,” Eren said, yanking Levi out of sleep again.

“What? Oh. Forgive you.” Levi yawned and stretched in reluctance. “Yeah, well, I know what it’s like to do stupid stuff while on drugs. When I first went to London, a few of the men I worked with thought it would be funny to take _the new guy_ to an opium den. I had no clue what it was, thought it was just part of the job. Some Chinese man gave us all pipes, we smoked this … stuff. Next thing I knew, it was three days later, I was in the middle of a pile of sleepy bodies wearing a flapper dress with a monkey sitting on my face.”

Eren giggled slightly at imagining it.

“I never wanted to be like that again. So I understand, sometimes you take a pill or smoke a pipe, and you do stupid shit. Sometimes, you don’t even remember what stupid shit you did.”

“I rather hope I forget all of this,” Eren muttered.

“I will _make sure_ you remember so you can apologize.”

“And will you forgive me?” Eren asked hopefully.

Levi sighed, but he leaned back into Eren’s chest again. “Yeah, I probably will.”

Eren looked ready to cry in relief. He began to reach forward, wanting to touch Levi’s face, but his fingers reluctantly pulled back.

“I’m glad to see that you’re sane enough to not touch me. Maybe I can trust you after all.”

“Trust me?” asked Eren.

Just then, Levi wiggled around and slumped down on the saddle. “Can you hold onto me without doing anything weird? I’m seriously ready to fall asleep.”

Eren helped to wrap the blanket around Levi, but also a little around himself to hide the fact that his arm was around the small man, holding him securely. “I’ve got you. Rest while you can.”

Levi’s eyes were already pulling downward. The long day of riding, walking, and fighting had caught up with him. He felt his consciousness slipping quickly.

“If you touch me … I’ll … stab you … in … leg.”

Eren felt Levi practically faint in his arms, slumping so suddenly, so heavily, he needed both arms to hold him securely on the saddle. Luckily, this stretch of the road was long, mostly flat, empty except for the orange light of his lamp and shadows from the horse. Being sneaky, Eren leaned over just enough to place his lips on top of Levi’s head, and he whispered into his hair.

“ _Schlaf gut und träum süß, mein Lieber._ ” Sleep well and sweet dreams, my dear.

# # #

# #

#

Thank you, **Actoplum** , for my first fan art for this story. It’s based on the last chapter, “I’ll be saying sorry until I’m old and gray.” It’s so sweet! Go show some love to the artist on Twitter or Tumblr. - <https://twitter.com/actoplum/status/1318641486192398338>

  
_(art by actoplum)_

_**Kriegsschule**_ – These were military schools used for basic officer training in Germany. All Wehrmacht officers in World War II had to pass through a _Kriegsschule_ during their training.

**Opium Dens** – The “injection sites” of the 19th century, opium dens were popular across Europe, America, and Canada, with the United States alone importing tens of thousands of pounds of the stuff. The dens were mostly run by Chinese immigrants. They provided the pipe and oil lamp, as well as a place to sleep off the effects. Some had entertainment like musicians, animal tricks, and prostitutes. America and England banished opium dens in the 1870s, driving them underground. Rather than lavish Oriental palaces of pleasure, these were dark hidden corners of the shipping yards with the smell of dead fish along with the smoke of opium. Whereas opium dens took care of their customers as they lay in a drug daze, these underground speakeasies bred crime, and without regulation it led to overdose and deaths. Meanwhile, the haughty elite, thinking they did the world a favor, were happily shooting up heroin and gulping down laudanum, both of which are simply opium. Much like the disastrous “War on Drugs,” which slapped addicts with laws rather than offering medical help and providing safe spaces with controlled amounts of drugs overseen by professionals, the Victorian laws that banished opium dens did absolutely nothing to lower the number of addicts; it only increased the mortality rate.

**Flat cap** – In the first half of the 20th century, it was considered rude for men to not wear a hat in public. The working class preferred the flat cap. Affordable, made of wool so it kept the rain off, as well as being rather stylish, coming in many colors and designs, the flat cap spread from the working class up to nobility, particularly when the royal family goes out on hunting trips. These have made a comeback in the 21st century, and both my husband and I own a few. I absolutely love to wear them since it is very rainy in Oregon, and we do not use umbrellas. (Only tourists use umbrellas here.)

I snapped this selfie just now with my kitty Minerva, wearing my black flat cap to match her.

* * *

**The Legality of Rape in the Nazi Military**

[In the Barbarossa Decree of May 1941](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbarossa_decree), Hitler declared, “Regarding actions committed by personnel of the Wehrmacht or its retinue against enemy civilians, there is no obligation to prosecute, even where the deed is at the same time a military crime or misdemeanor.” This decree freed soldiers to do basically anything they wanted to civilians. They could shoot them as target practice, they could enslave them in factories or building roads, and it allowed soldiers to rape women without any consequences.

It is estimated that 10 million girls and women were raped by Nazis in Russia alone, and 1 million of these victims gave birth to a child. In some Ukrainian villages, Nazi soldiers went through and systematically raped every single woman and girl there. Sadly, I had an elderly mentor who escaped from Ukraine to Canada as a small child, after watching from a cupboard as soldiers burst into his family’s home, shot his father, and gang raped his mother to death. (He grew up to dedicate his life to God, became the head minister of my mother’s pacifist church, and his wife was my private Bible teacher in my teens. I may not have stuck with that religion, but I did respect him.)

Rape became so prevalent in the German military, and with it venereal diseases, that the Third Reich set up state-run brothels. In France, Paris provided lots of existing brothels, which were cleaned up and “Nazified.” At first, soldiers were granted “free prostitution” (a great euphemism for sex slavery) so long as they used a condom and actively tried to prevent venereal diseases. Officers were forbidden from going to such low-brow areas, so handpicked women—vetted to make sure they were not spies—were brought to hotels where the officers stayed. In 1941, General von Brauchitsch suggested that weekly visits with a brothel prostitute should be mandatory, as it was believed that frequent sex made a soldier stronger, and refraining from sex built up disabling weaknesses as well as leading to homosexuality. (Lucky for Eren, his suggestion was not made into a requirement.)

On the Eastern Front, over 500 brothels were set up by the Third Reich, where around 34,000 women were forced into sex slavery. Here, it was not professional prostitutes like in Paris, but kidnapped girls. These girls and young women were treated as property, and “ _Hure für Hitlers Truppen_ ” (Whores for Hitler’s Troops) was tattooed on their wrists. At first, most of the sex slaves were Jews, but in 1942 it became illegal for a German to have sex with a Jew, so the women were sent to concentration camps, where many either died or were once again enslaved in the secret brothels run inside the camps.

After 1942, the Third Reich used local Polish and Russian women. These women, between the ages of 15-25, were hunted down “military kidnapping raids,” dragged through the streets of their villages by the hair, and raped repeatedly until they became “docile.” (A sick way of describing a woman becoming catatonic from trauma.) Older or unattractive women were given the chance to run away, only to be shot at as target practice, and after the woman could no longer run, soldiers would lob grenades at her for a few sick laughs. Average-looking women were set up in the local brothels, while particularly pretty young girls were shipped to Germany, where there were more state-run brothels around military schools. Young soldiers and trainees were urged to go to these places, to see the young, beautiful foreign girls and have their manhood reaffirmed, in the belief that it would make them strong, confident in their masculinity, and more eager to fight on the Eastern Front.

You can read more about it here, but I warn you, this is disturbing in some parts. - <https://uncensoredhistory.blogspot.com/2012/08/rape-by-german-and-waffen-ss-soldiers.html>


	29. Nearing the Border

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Germans make their last push to Metz, but first, a change of horses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If you like to listen to ambient sounds while reading (I do while writing) I created one specifically for this scene with the horses. I like to listen to ambiance on my phone, either on YouTube or making my own with the Ambient Mixer app, while I write stories on my laptop. —<https://countryside.ambient-mixer.com/horses-in-the-countryside>_

Levi woke up to shaking.

“Get up.”

A second later, he felt what seemed like bindings holding his arms in. He jolted and tried to fight the restraints, only to realize it was a blanket tightly wrapped around him. His pillow had been Eren’s chest, and the saddle between his thighs made his whole spine ache. He blinked out the sleepiness and saw the sky was lighting up in the east.

“Did I seriously sleep all night?” he grumbled.

“Well, you didn’t fall asleep until really late,” Eren explained. “We need you to translate.”

“Fine, fine.” Levi stretched, and his shoulder cracked loudly. “That’s not good,” he muttered. He stretched his neck, getting more bones to crack. “Ow. That one wasn’t good either.” He yanked his neck the other way, and it cracked again. “There. I’m getting too damn old for this.”

Levi glanced around. The Nazis had gathered in an equestrian facility, with large barns, stables, paddocks, and round pens. Were they exchanging horses yet again?

“Where are we?”

“Just north of Mondorff,” Eren said, looking jittery.

“Mondorff, good. I need to stretch and have a nice, long sleep.”

“We’re not stopping,” Eren blurted out.

Levi slowly turned around to look at him. “What?” he asked in a low, dire tone. “Why the hell not?” Then Levi realized just how fast Eren was breathing. If he had been a little jittery before, it was far worse now. “Oh God, _please_ don’t tell me you took another one of those damn pills.”

“All of us. Everyone,” Eren said, tapping his hand as his lungs worked twice as fast. “ _Hauptmann_. Captain. Captain, he say … he says, we go on. All of us. We ride to Metz. All the way to Metz.”

“You’re joking,” Levi groaned. That was insane; soldiers should not be expected to travel for a solid twenty-four hours. “The horses—”

“Yes! The horses. Horses, _ja_ ,” Eren said, looked around in quick, sharp movements. “That’s why, they have horses here, horses to ride, fresh, so captain say, switch horses, take another pill, we’re going to Metz, we’re heading, right now, tonight, all the way to Metz, we’re … we’re riding to Metz.”

Levi shook his head. This was worse than the time he saw a man from Venice drink ten cups of coffee in one sitting. “So, you need me to translate?”

“Yes! Person, horse, horse person, talk to him, trade horses, money, whatever, trade.”

“All right, all right,” he sighed as Eren rode up to a farmer. “I’ve never done a horse trade. Help me slide down. I seriously need to get off this damn saddle. Need to take a piss too.”

Suddenly, Eren had Levi under the armpits, lifted his straight up like he weighed nothing, and set him down a little hard on the ground, making Levi stumble on his saddle-sore legs.

“Hey! Watch it.”

“You said you needed help.”

Levi shook his head. “Seriously, how strong are you on those pills?”

Eren laughed with a hyper grin. “I can lift a panzer!”

Levi groaned in annoyance. “Listen, your leg needs to be checked. Go to the medic truck, get some bandages, and meet me back here. I’ll try to talk to this guy.” He faced the farmer. “I hope he speaks French.”

Luckily, he did, and faced with either angering an entire company of drugged-up Nazis or agreeing to exchange tired but well-bred horses for the horses he had in his stables, the man easily agreed to a direct exchange. He did not have enough horses to give every soldier one, but Levi left it to the Nazis on who should get a fresh horse and which poor horses from Mina’s stables would be forced to continue onward.

The farmer helped to bring out horses, and soldiers began to remove saddles, starting the exchange. Eren rode up with medical supplies crammed haphazardly into his saddle bag. Levi merely pouted at the sloppiness.

“All right, let’s change that bandage on your leg.”

“Oh, _ja_ , yes, bandage. I have bandages. Change bandages.”

Eren jumped off the horse and began to rapidly look around, like he needed to leap into the nearest foxhole. Levi shook his head. Of all the shitty things to happen on an already shitty trip, now he had to deal with a man so high on drugs, he could barely talk.

“Don’t forget the saddle bag,” Levi said, but on second thought, he grabbed the bag himself. His Tanakh was in there still, and he did not want Eren to do anything stupid with it. As he looked around, he saw one familiar face. “Hey, you! Horse-face! What the hell was your name again? Jean?”

The tall soldier with a long face turned back around. “ _Ja?_ ”

Levi turned to Eren. “Listen. Can you hear me?”

“I hear everything,” Eren whispered in dazed awe.

“Right,” Levi mumbled. “You need to tell him to exchange the horse while I take care of your leg.”

“ _Ja! Jean, sattel ein Pferd für mich._ ” Saddle a horse for me. Then Eren thought for a moment. “ _Können Sie einen Orgasmus vom Reiten haben?_ ” Can you have an orgasm from horseback riding?

Jean arched an eyebrow. “ _Vor heute hätte ich das nie geglaubt. Heute habe ich es fünfmal gesehen._ ” Before today I would never have believed that. Today, I saw it happen five times.

Eren stared out. “ _Fünfmal?_ ” Five times?

Jean scoffed. “ _Sind Sie in die Hose gekommen?_ ” Did you come in your pants?

“ _Nein!_ ” Eren snapped.

Levi watched on. “Is everything okay?”

“ _Ja_. It’s fine. I’m fine. I didn’t. Well, I did, but it wasn’t on purpose.”

“What are you talking about, _takhshet_?”

“Nothing! Leg. Leg needs bandage.”

“Try to keep focused.” He walked over to a large structure, shadowy in the pre-dawn gloom. “This looks like a riding hall of some sorts.” Levi pushed open the door and saw a large, dark arena. “Yeah, it’s empty. This is a good spot.”

“Good spot,” Eren repeated, walking in and gazing around rapidly. “For what?”

“Your leg. Changing your bandage, remember?”

“ _Ja_.” Eren still fidgeted, tapping his fingers, staring intently at a pile of hay.

Levi shook his head. “Can you keep calm for just three minutes?”

“I’m trying, I’ll try. Trying.”

“You need to drop your trousers.”

He looked up with excitement. “ _Bläst du mir einen?_ ” Will you blow me?

“What?”

“Oh!” Eren squeaked. “No, nothing. Leg, wound, right, my leg. You know,” he said, fiddling with his belt, “it doesn’t hurt. _Kein Schmerz_. No pain.”

“Good for you,” Levi muttered. He was sure, with all those pills in him, Eren could have been shot in the chest and felt no pain at all.

Eren struggled with the belt, but his shaking fingers were not getting it right. “It’s hard.” He tried to grab the whole area, but he realized something and laughed. “It’s _hard_.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “I can see that. Just drop them. Don’t touch yourself!”

Eren kept at it until finally the trousers fell to his ankles. Then he collapsed onto a stool, and Levi turned over a bucket to sit on. He saw, indeed, that Eren was tenting his boxers, but he ignored it. He calmly began to work, removing the bandage on Eren’s thigh. Eren watched with super intensity, focused on what Levi was doing.

“It’s amazing. Healing. How it works. Your body just heals. Fixes itself. _Es ist erstaunlich._ ” It is amazing.

Levi raised an eyebrow. At least this focus on one thing was better than trying to race around without trousers, and his erection had gone down. “Do you want to hold the bandage?” he asked, like offering a child to place the star on the Christmas tree.

And like a little boy, Eren’s eyes lit up. “Ah! _Kann ich?_ Can I?”

Levi did not want to set the roll of bandages down in a filthy horse arena, so he figured it was safer to hand it to Eren. The lieutenant took the roll and began to closely inspect it.

“My father made bandages,” he said, turning the roll around to inspect it.

“That’s right, you mentioned he was a doctor.”

“Yes. He made medication from plants too. So fascinating.”

Levi wanted to say that perhaps, if life had been different, Eren would have grown up to be a doctor like his father, but since that subject was still sensitive, he kept quiet and focused.

“This may burn. You really messed up your leg.”

He took a bottle of antiseptic and poured it over, cleaning out the wound. Eren hissed at the pain, but he still stared at Levi’s medical work. Levi slathered on an antibacterial cream and then took the roll from Eren to carefully wrap it on.

“Levi? Le-Levi, Levi, Levi?” Eren said, fidgeting again.

“What?” he grumbled.

“I want to run.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry about earlier, so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I did all that, and I released on you, I don’t know what’s going on with me, I’m not like this, I’m not, and yet I am, and I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m doing, it just feels right and you get mad and I don’t want to stop but you say don’t and I want it but no I don’t want to do what you don’t want because I never want to hurt you but I want it so much until I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore…”

“Okay, okay!” Levi said, gripping Eren’s shoulders. “Calm down. It’s the drugs.”

“ _Ja_ , it’s the drugs, Pervitin, and I know it’s bad, Anzio, they made us take pills, Johann, he went crazy, so crazy, he wanted more and more and ran around and he attacked, he attacked me, he said I had more Pervitin but I didn’t, I really didn’t, and Jean shot him, he had to, had to shoot Johann, I never wanted to take Pervitin again but it’s good, I feel so good, and you, you are really good, you’re wonderful, _du siehst so gut aus_. You look so good. Everything about you. _Verdammt, ich weiß nicht mehr, was ich sage._ What am I saying, what am I even saying? You look so good, and you smell good, riding, riding with _mein Schwanz_ against you, up and down, _auf und ab_ , _auf und ab_ , riding on and on until I burst, so good, feels so good, _alles fühlte sich so gut an_ , your body, your voice, everywhere, it’s amazing, and I hate that I hurt you, you are so amazing and I hurt you, I never want to hurt you, never, never!”

Suddenly, Eren flung his arms around Levi, who instantly stiffened up.

“I swear to God, if you hump against me, I really will stab you in the leg.”

“No, I won’t, I won’t, I swear I won’t, I just want to hold you, I’m so sorry, for today, for last night, yesterday, tomorrow, everything, I’m so sorry, I want to let you go and I want to hold you, I don’t want to die, I really don’t want to die, and I need to keep you with me so I don’t die, but I want to let you go so you don’t die, but I’m scared one of us will die and I’m so sorry.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “My God, can this get much worse?” He slipped out of Eren’s arms. “Look, you can apologize to me when the drugs are out of your system. Until then, you’re a sick little boy who is on some nasty medication, and it’s making you act funny.”

“Funny? Like haha?”

“No, like I want to stab you so you sober up faster.”

“I want you to stab me, but not with a knife.”

“What?” A moment later, Levi realized what he meant. “Oh God,” he groaned. “You know, I’m trying _really hard_ to put this into perspective.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’m trying not to punch you, because I know you’re only acting like this due to drugs. Now, if you think you can behave yourself, go check on the horse. I need to take a piss.”

“Can I watch you?”

“Hell no! Go find, what’s his name, Jean. See about the horse.”

“Jean, yes, find Jean, find horse, horse, new horse, rocking horse.”

Levi threw his hands up in surrender and walked away. “At least you’re not trying to shoot me or hump me like a dog anymore.”

“I’m so sooooorryyyyyyyy!” Eren wailed.

Levi groaned in frustration and walked outside. He looked around for a place to urinate, not that it mattered much on a farm. Still, he walked over to the side of the arena, away from the door, loosened his trousers, and pulled himself free. He closed his eyes, relaxed, and felt relief flow out.

As he stood there relieving himself, Levi heard a noise and looked to the side. There was a tree, and perhaps the soldier thought it was secret enough from the main group, but he was directly facing Levi, stroking himself, lost to the pleasure, completely unaware of anyone else. Then his eyes opened, met Levi’s gaze, and held it. For a moment, Levi’s stream sputtered, fearing this man might shoot him for witnessing such a lewd act. Instead, the man smiled and gave his hips a thrust right at Levi.

“ _Willst du mir den Schwanz lutschen, Jude? Es macht mir nichts aus, dass du ein Mann bist, solange es nur dein Mund ist._ ” Do you want to suck my cock, Jew? I don’t mind that you’re a man, as long as it’s just your mouth.

Levi was not sure what he was saying, but he sensed the danger. He bore down on his bladder to force the last urine out, fixed himself, and swiftly walked back toward the arena door. Glancing around the farm, he saw soldiers having different reactions. One was studying a bale of hay like he wanted to count each straw. Many were racing around wildly, without any purpose, just burning off the energy. Others were sitting together, talking so rapidly, Levi wondered if any of them were discussing the same subject.

Then he heard a gunshot, and Levi dropped out of instinct. Soldiers ran toward the sound, but they were laughing.

“ _Wir haben drei Schweine gefunden._ ” We found three pigs.

“ _Die drei kleinen Schweinchen._ ” The Three Little Pigs.

“ _Ich möchte ein Schweinchen schießen._ ” I want to shoot a piggy.

More gunshots went off, and with each blast the men burst into laughter, while the pigs squealed in agony, slowly being tortured with gunshots.

Levi cringed and hugged himself as scenes from just two days ago flashed through his head. Perhaps he should feel blessed that Kitz aimed for the head when slaughtering all of his victims, rather than shooting them in the gut and letting them die slowly in excruciating pain. Their deaths had been mercifully quick.

A smallish blond boy came up. “Ah, _vous_. Eren, _où_?” Armin asked with his limited knowledge of French.

“ _Tu cherches Eren?_ ” You’re looking for Eren? Levi shrugged. “ _Je ne sais pas._ ” I don’t know.

“ _Je … ne … sais … pas?_ Ah! _Ich weiß nicht._ ” Armin stood beside him and looked around at the chaos. “Um, _comment … Comment allez-vous?_ ” How are you?

Levi glanced over at the small soldier, not that much taller than him. “ _Bien_.”

“ _Bien. Gut._ ” Armin reached to his belt and pulled out a canister. “ _Durstig?_ Um … _eau?_ ” Thirsty? Water?

Levi took the offered canister and decided to thank him by speaking in his own language. “ _Danke_.” He took a gulp, realizing just how parched he was.

Armin and Levi both suddenly heard a loud moan. Down the road, the man leaning against the tree was leaving his mark. He shouted over toward Levi.

“ _Das hätte in deinem Mund sein können, Judensau. Anstatt Wasser, das hättest du trinken können. Es ist so lecker. Das allein wird deinen Magen füllen. Siehst du was du verpasst hast. Es ist dein Verlust, schwuchtel._ ” That could have been in your mouth, Jewish pig. Instead of water, you could have drunk that. It’s so tasty. That alone will fill your stomach. Do you see what you missed? It’s your loss, faggot.

Levi glowered at the man and asked Armin, “ _Qu’a t’il dit?_ ” What did he say?

Armin shook his head in disgust. “ _Rien de bon._ ” Nothing good.

Levi turned away, repulsed as he realized why Armin probably wanted to hide what the man said. “ _C’est un putain de pervers._ ” He’s a fucking pervert.

Armin felt immensely awkward. He had taken only half a pill earlier, and when they wanted everyone to take a second, he merely took the second half of the morning pill. Now, Kitz wanted everyone to take yet another Pervitin. It was an order that Armin required Eren to make an exception. He had been on the radio that whole day, and with such delicate equipment, he could not have the superpower strength or brash thoughtlessness Pervitin gave a person. His hands needed to be delicate, carefully turning dials, listening for radio chatter. His mind needed to be sharp, not tweaked.

“ _Pardon_ ,” he whispered in apology to Levi. “ _Tout ça. Rien de bon. Pas sage._ ” All that. Nothing good. Not wise. His words were at least understandable, despite the thick German accent.

“ _C’est idiot._ ” He’s an idiot.

“ _Idiot! Ja, oui!_ ” Armin laughed, glad to see one word was similar.

Levi let himself smirk just a little. Eren was like a boy trying to be a soldier, but this small blond was like a soldier still trying to hold onto the innocence of childhood despite how the military beat it out of him.

“You’re a good guy,” he muttered in approval.

Armin perked up. “ _Französisch?_ ” French?

Levi shook his head. “English.”

“English!” Armin cried out. “Good guy? _Was ist das?_ ”

“Good. _Gut?_ Guy is, um, _Mann_.”

“Ah, _ein gutter Mann_ ,” Armin realized. “ _Gut_ … good guy? _Du_ ,” he said, pointing to Levi.

“You,” he corrected.

“You … _bist_ … _nein, ist?_ Is. You is?”

“You are,” he corrected. “I am, he is, you are.”

“You are,” Armin said, memorizing the conjugation. “ _Ein gut_ guy?”

“A good guy.”

“A. Good. Guy.” Armin nodded, getting it. “You are a good guy.”

“Right. You’re a good guy.”

“You’re?” he asked, catching the change in words.

“It’s shortened.” Levi showed with his hand. “You,” he said, using his right fist. “Are,” he said, holding up his left fist, and he put the two together. “You are. You’re.”

“Ah! _Zusammenziehungen!_ ” he cried out in understanding. “You’re … a good guy.” He pointed to Levi’s chest, and the smile Armin gave him was light, playful, fully accepting him just as he was. “You’re a good guy, Levi.”

For a moment, Levi was touched, and his chest squeezed. How did such a bright flower end up in such a dark uniform?

“Thank you,” he said, feeling almost bashful.

“You are … _oh warte_ … You’re vel- … velcum? _Nein._ You’re welcome.”

Levi let out a small _hmph_ of approval. “Very good.”

Eren rode up on a horse, and as Levi saw, he felt a sinking disappointment. Eren had discarded his civilian clothes and was back in the Nazi uniform. Then again, if they were pushing their way to Metz, he would want to arrive wearing a German uniform like the rest of the soldiers.

“ _Da bist du ja, Armin. Jean sucht dich._ ” There you are, Armin. Jean is looking for you.

Armin turned his huge smile to Eren. “You’re a good guy,” he repeated slowly.

Eren raised an eyebrow and looked over to Levi for an explanation.

Levi shrugged. “I taught him a sentence in English. Where can we find some food?”

“Rations.” Eren dug into the saddle bag and tossed a container to him. “ _Du solltest frühstücken, Armin._ ” You should have breakfast, Armin.

Eren rode the horse over to where Jean had parked the truck. While Armin and Jean talked, Eren slid off the saddle, secured the horse to a post, and found his pack in the back of the seats. He dug around inside and pulled out his Esbit stove. He sat it on the ground, lit a white fuel tab, and got the flame going. Armin took over, warming up food rations, while Eren rested his leg in the truck. Levi did not want to sit on the muddy ground, so he climbed in as well and took a seat in a little space between crates and bags.

“Take a nap while you can,” Eren told Levi.

“I can’t exactly sleep with all this noise.”

“I’ll watch over you.”

“I don’t trust you at the moment.”

“I wouldn’t try anything.”

“You said that yesterday, and next thing I knew, there was cum on my back.”

“There was what?”

“Semen? Sperm? Male _stuff_?”

Eren blushed and looked away. “It’s called _samen_ in German as well.”

“One minute you’re cuddling me, the next you’re pointing a gun at me. I don’t know if you’re about to shoot me or fuck me, and I don’t like the thought of either one.”

Eren sighed, knowing he had a point. “I’m sorry.”

Armin glanced over at them from the tiny stove, and Levi caught his sympathetic look.

He grumbled, “Don’t ever apologize to me in front of your men, especially _that one_. He’s smart.”

“I know I’ve been … difficult.”

“You’re completely unpredictable and unreliable.”

“Well, you know, you’re not much better to understand,” Eren snapped. “One day, you’re acting like just touching my hand is too much for you, then you’re kissing me so hard, it’s like my soul is going to get sucked out. You partially undress me, ask me to go to America with you, and suddenly you don’t even want to kiss me. You ask me to sleep in bed with you, climb on top of me in the morning, and then suddenly you don’t want anything to do with me. I made one mistake, I didn’t even mean to release like that, it was … _beschämend_ … shameful! One mistake because of the Pervitin, and now you’re saying … you’re rethinking it all?” he shouted in heartbreak. “You say it’s disgusting. Two nights ago, you were touching me like … like you wanted … something like that.”

“I know,” Levi sighed, thinking about those intimate touches at the Reeves house.

“You’re the confusing one, Levi. With me, it’s a pill, but with you—”

“With me, it’s a goddamn war that has taken everything I love, taken my wife, my baby, my ability to have children, and fucked me over time and time again!” he yelled, forgetting where he was. “So if I’m hesitant, if I’m afraid, if I think for a few minutes that I can do something and then I realize I can’t, I think I have a _damn good reason_ to change my mind.”

Armin stood up just then and handed them both metal cups. “ _Ihr solltet leiser sein._ ”

Eren nodded grimly.

“What did he say?” asked Levi.

“He warns that we should be quieter.” Eren sipped his hot drink and made a face at the liquid that was not quite coffee. “I’m sorry.”

“I just told you, don’t apologize in front of your men. It makes you look weak.”

“You deserve to hear it, though. You’re right. I forced these feelings onto you. I didn’t really expect you to return them, or to let me do anything more than admire you from afar. I really didn’t expect you to let me kiss you. I guess, after you kissed me back, I assumed…” His voice faded out, and Eren stared into his drink. “I assumed too much. What is that saying? Taking it for granted?”

Levi quietly admitted, “I guess I was rather ambivalent.”

“I won’t touch you,” he whispered. “I won’t do anything. When we reach Metz, I’ll get you out safely, and that will be it. Go on to America and … and forget all of this.”

Levi’s brow tensed, and he cautiously glanced over. “What about you?”

A bittersweet smile tugged on Eren’s lips as he whispered, “I’ll never forget.”

Levi turned aside, struggling, but slowly his hand slipped over across the floor of the truck. It was not much, but he got his hand close enough until their pinky fingers brushed against one another. Eren jolted and looked over in shock. Levi glanced over.

“You know I could never forget an idiot like you,” he said brusquely.

Eren laughed, and warmth came to his cheeks. His pinky finger stretched out as well, enough to stroked across Levi’s finger. “You know, I don’t even think I’m ready for … for what you are worried about. I just want to be near you. Besides, we probably won’t have time to figure it all out. With any luck, you’ll be leaving soon.” His pinky finger curled over Levi’s. “I just don’t want it to be on bad terms.”

Levi stared down at how Eren gripped his one finger as if he needed to hold on forever. “You’re right. I’m thinking too far ahead. I don’t know what I _can_ do,” he said, and he looked from their fingers playing with one another up to Eren’s teal eyes, “but I know what I don’t mind.”

“This?” Eren asked, stroking along the thin, pale finger.

A tiny smile came to Levi’s lips. “This much, I don’t mind.” He looked down at their hands. “We _really_ should not be having this conversation here.”

“No one understands us.”

Just then, Armin stood up from the fire again, and their hands yanked apart from one another. He walked over to the truck and set out three bowls of steaming food.

“ _Habt ihr genug gestritten? Ihr seid wie ein altes Ehepaar._ ” Have you argued enough? You are like an old married couple.

Eren burst into laughter, and Levi narrowed his eyes.

“What the hell did he say?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know,” he chuckled.

“ _Qu’as-tu dit?_ ” he demanded of Armin. What’d you say?

Armin merely shrugged like he did not understand, and he dug into his food.

Levi scoffed and yanked his bowl close to him. “ _Bâtards!_ ”

They had barely finished eating their bowls of stew when Kitz Woermann shouted out to the troops. Eren walked over to a circle of men who were listening, while Levi checked on the horse and made sure they had everything, double checking that his Tanakh was safe while he was alone and away from Germans. He glared at the cluster of Nazis. Kitz seemed to be rousing them for a final push to Metz, and sure enough, they all burst into cheers, including Eren. Levi looked away as he heard shouts of _Heil Hitler_ and _Sieg Heil_. He did not want to see Eren doing that. As he climbed onto the horse and took up the reins, he glanced at his hand, the pinky that had rubbed Eren’s hand, and on the finger next to it, the indent from his old wedding ring.

“What am I doing?” he whispered to himself.

Every time he pushed Eren away, he pulled him back. Every time Eren was ready to let him go, Levi felt like he was not ready to be abandoned. Normally, he could leave behind a person, even a good friend, so long as he could survive. Now, he had purposely ignored many perfect occasions to escape. Even now, while the Germans were not looking, he could take off, Kitz could not really blame Eren … yet he might anyway, so Levi stayed.

He thought about Eren’s rambling earlier. “ _I don’t want to die, I really don’t want to die, and I need to keep you with me so I don’t die, but I want to let you go so you don’t die, but I’m scared one of us will die._ ”

Levi had to admit, he feared the same thing. Every instinct in his body said to leave while he could. They were close to the French border. He could make it back in mere hours. Or he could head north to Luxembourg City. The Allies should reach it later that day. He would be free, safe, able to take a train to a port and sail away. Yet he was scared that if he ran away, Eren would be executed.

He was scared one of them might die, yet he found himself more worried about Eren than about himself.

Wasn’t that love?

Before he could think too much on that question, Eren jogged back to the horse and swiftly leaped on just as the company started up again.

“What was that about?” Levi whispered.

“Just a speech. I have to admit, he’s good at making them. It’s only fifty more kilometers to Metz.”

“ _Only_ , you say?” he grumbled. “That alone should take half the day.”

“We must be swift. We don’t know how soon the Americans will arrive in Luxembourg. Armin said they’re on their way now. We’re near the border, but that means little these days. We need to get to Metz before the city is surrounded.”

“So you can walk into the jaws of death?” he said solemnly.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Are you going to be okay? Will you make it to Metz before you crash?”

Eren laughed, jittery and carefree. “I’ll definitely make it. Three pills. I may not sleep for a few days.”

“God, I hope not,” Levi groaned in annoyance.

Eren clicked his tongue at the horse and settled into a steady pace. Other riders began to clop forward, and with a whinny of horses and foggy snorts in the cold morning, the Germans began their final push. The sun rose, pink and rosy after the rainstorm. It looked like the weather was clearing up. Levi sighed, hoping the better weather could hold out just another day.

# # #

# #

#

_I asked my husband to pose for a little “pinky promise.” I even took my wedding ring off, so you can see how Levi’s ring finger would have an indent from his time being married._

_I’ll be honest, I did NOT have any of the German lines in the past few chapters proofread. I felt some of the dialogue was … well, really inappropriate to send to someone’s DMs, while other lines were last-minute additions. So I gladly appreciate corrections._

_While I am not sure if this place existed in 1944, the equestrian facility was inspired by[Reitstall Pegasus](http://www.reitstall-pegasus.lu/), 9 km north of Mondorff. It is not really on Armin’s route to Metz, but I used pictures of the place to get a feel for the area._

_As much as it’s been rather funny to watch Eren out of control and doing stuff he’s totally going to regret when he gets his head back to normal, meth is no joke. There are stories of people who go on a binge and basically just masturbate nonstop for 48 hours; even after their penis or vagina is raw and blistered, they can’t stop. It can be such a potent aphrodisiac that it basically ruins sex for the rest of a person’s life. No matter how deep the love is between them and a partner, nothing matches that high, leading them into thinking that they need meth just to enjoy sex. All of the ways Eren reacts (even pulling a gun on Levi) are based on real stories from my friends and former roommates about their time being an addict. If you want to know what being on crystal meth is really like from a person who was addicted and bravely speaks out about his dark time, I recommend this video. Warning: he is brutally honest about the euphoric high, the crippling low, and how it nearly ruined his life. —<https://youtu.be/dQVb6Cd-w8s>_

_**HEAD’S UP!!!** It’s November, and that means **Nanowrimo** : National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, so you can imagine how hectic it can be. I participate every year, all of my focus will be on Nanowrimo, so it will take me a while to update again. I will work on this story if I get really far ahead on my Nano novel, but otherwise all of my time and energy will be on this month-long writing contest. If you participate in Nanowrimo, feel free to join me as a writing buddy. I lost a bunch of buddies when they switched servers. I’m even open to hosting something on Zoom, if people want. That could be fun. — <https://nanowrimo.org/participants/rhov>_


	30. Metz Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Metz, September 1944. Germany prepares for its last stand in France, as Eren and his troops joining four garrisons preparing to hold the city against the Allies at any cost. The trouble is, how will Levi escape now that he is in the heart of a Nazi-controlled city?

_If you want a little ambiance for your reading enjoyment, I have been listening to this while writing:<https://youtu.be/_WAi6b-Jeg4>_

* * *

Levi had to admit, he had not really been paying attention to their travels. The sun rose and morning birds woke up. Scenery of farms and fields blurred into one another as the hours dragged on in weariness. Lunch rolled by, and when Levi felt his stomach churn in hunger, he ignored it.

He was needed twice more to translate, once to a farmer who had a flock of sheep in the way, another time was a town where the map made things unclear, and the company almost got lost in the twisting streets. Levi asks for directions to a bridge they needed to cross. The man he spoke to glared at Levi, probably thinking he was a traitor to his country. Maybe he was. He had agreed to help Nazis, after all.

He was tired. So, so tired. However, when he leaned against Eren, he felt not the worn-in clothes of a traveler, but the stiff uniform of a Nazi. It made him jolt up, realizing that he could not act the way he had yesterday. How would it look to the rest of the Germans to see an officer with a Jew resting on his back?

They reached the town of Malling and came across a bridge spanning the Moselle River.

German soldiers guarded the bridge. Eren saluted the men, who snapped to attention at seeing an officer. A barrier was lifted for them, and they were allowed to cross. Then they rode on, following the river to Kœnigsmacker, which was also heavily fortified against the approaching Allies, ready to hold the line. There, they turned south for the last leg to Metz.

Somehow, at some point after their turn south, Levi fell asleep. He had no idea when, or even how. When he woke up to the sound of a roaring cheer, he was not on a horse, and not leaning against Eren. He was being jostled along in a truck. He sat up and looked around. The sun was high in the sky. He was covered in the same blanket Eren had given to him off his own bed in the old village.

Armin’s head popped up from his radio. “ _Ah, Sie sind wach. Uh, nos … arriver … arrivons?_ ” he tried out in wary French, only to slip into more comfortable German, “ _Wir haben es nach Metz geschafft._ ” Ah, you’re awake. Uh, we … to arrive … are arriving? We’ve made it to Metz.

Levi merely nodded, grasping that they had arrived at their destination. The fortress city of Metz was in front of them, and he watched as they approached a castle bridge. Across the crenelated walls fluttered Nazi flags. Atop the two towers, long scarlet banners bearing the swastika hung like streaks of blood dripping down the walls.

Inside those defensive walls were four garrisons of German soldiers. Already, he saw military barracks to the left and right of the castle bridge. Realizing what this meant for a Jew like him, Levi slid back down to the floor of the truck and carefully pulled a blanket over him.

Armin pouted in sympathy and faced front. He whispered over to Jean, “You know, getting him out is going to be a logistical nightmare. I knew Metz was defended, but I did not realize it had a defensive wall around the whole place. He can’t exactly walk through the gates of that castle.”

“That’s why I told Jäger I’d help him. My aunt lives here. I’ve been to the city before with my family. I don’t know how much has changed, but I at least know he’s an idiot if he thinks he can do this on his own.”

Armin glanced around, seeing where all the members of the platoon were. “Do you think the others will help?”

“No,” Jean said immediately. “The fewer people who know about Eren’s sympathies, the better. If this really turns bad, you and I wouldn’t crack under a Gestapo investigation. The others would.”

“Even Connie?”

Jean glanced over, but Connie was busy singing _Horst-Wessel-Lied_ with the others. “He has family, younger siblings, a reason to make it back home. He’d crack, if only to spare his mother grief. Thomas has almost no pain tolerance; threaten to break his fingers, and he’d give in instantly. Franz … well…”

“He hates Jews,” Armin whispered. “Vehemently!”

“The rest are all the same. Thomas is like me: he doesn’t mind them but wouldn’t risk his life for one.”

“Then why did you offer to help?”

“Because it’s Eren Jäger.” Jean’s gaze narrowed. “I wouldn’t do it for that little pipsqueak, but I’d do it for Eren. The platoon needs him. _Germany_ needs him. I don’t like that he’s planning to do this, I think it’s suicidal, but I refuse to let that be the reason we lose such a good officer.”

Armin chuckled and playfully punched Jean’s arm. “I didn’t think you liked Eren that much.”

“Shut up!” Jean shouted.

“You always speak so formally to him.”

“Because I respect him as my superior officer. You’re the only one who gets away with calling him _du_ instead of _Sie_.”

“Connie does.”

“Connie talks informally to everyone who doesn’t beat respect into him.”

Connie shouted over, “ _Was hast du gesagt?_ ” What did you say?

Jean snapped at him, “I said, I’m going to beat some respect into you if you don’t start referring to me as _Herr Unteroffizier Kirschtein._ ”

Connie gave him a rude hand gesture and merely laughed.

They came up to the stone castle bridge now, and Jean looked on with personal pride, as if he was coming home.

“ _Deutsches Tor_ ,” he said. “Appropriate that they named such a strong defense after Germany.”

“I think it’s because it’s on the road to Strausbourg. They probably had to defend against Germans a lot.”

Levi peeked out as their truck entered a stone corridor. Inside were arches and doors with iron grates, looking like they led to either a dungeon or a deadly trap full of knights and archers. The two towers loomed ahead of him now, and they passed through a barbican that had probably held out armies in shining armor for centuries.

They were still in the archway with the iron grate that could drop and block them out, when suddenly he heard a church bell tolling, echoing in the stone castle. Levi jolted back down, but it was merely chiming out the hour.

Then they emerged into the city, and visions of chivalry were left behind for cafés, bars, and apartments. He saw a bustling, modern community, civilians still going about their daily lives, but with thousands of soldiers in Nazi uniforms meandering around. They turned down narrow streets where soldiers had to ride two-by-two. They passed by the church and through bustling roads that meandered every which way.

“This place is like a maze,” Armin said in wonder. “Are we sure we’re going the right way?”

Jean huffed. “If Lieutenant Jäger can’t even read a map, he doesn’t deserve to lead. Hey, I think this is about where my aunt lives.”

They went past more shops, more housing, more churches. The more Levi saw of Metz, the more he cursed in his mind.

There were Germans _everywhere_.

They reached an esplanade, and the soldiers felt a rush of excitement at the wide open space and many women walking around. Beyond that was a fort, an arsenal, and more barracks. Four story brick buildings rose along the avenue, block after block after block, with soldiers out front, doing exercises and horsing around.

The company turned into one of the gated entrances, and as Levi peeked up ahead, he saw the captain and lieutenants speaking to someone at the gate. His eyes focused on Eren, up on his horse, wearing that stiff uniform, his teal eyes hard and cold. A shiver ran down Levi’s arms, realizing the stark difference between the man who had cuddled him through the night and the Nazi officer in charge of a platoon of German soldiers.

As they continued forward, Levi again slipped down and pulled a blanket over him. He doubted their trucks would be searched, but he did not want to chance being caught. Already, he had no idea how he could possibly escape this. He sure hoped Eren had a plan.

They drove up to a block of barracks, and Eren trotted over to Jean and Armin.

“This is the place. Let’s unload the truck.”

“ _Jawohl_ ,” Jean said, and cut the engine.

Eren glanced into the truck. “Did he run away?”

“No,” Armin replied, and he yanked back Levi’s blanket.

Eren gazed down, seeing the momentary panic on Levi’s face, followed instantly by anger and determination. He looked like a man who would single-handedly take on a whole garrison of Nazis … and probably win.

Eren kept his face cold as he shouted at Levi in German. “ _Raus aus dem Truck und hilf uns das Zeug tragen, Judensau! Du bist für nichts anderes gut._ ” Get out of the truck and help us carry this stuff, Jewish pig! You are not good for anything else.

Franz laughed. “ _Ja, quetsch alles, was wir können, aus aus dem Schwein raus, bis wir es schlachten können._ ” Yes, squeeze everything we can out of the pig, until we can slaughter it.

Then Eren said quieter to Levi in English, “Are you up to lifting? I figured the best way to convince them to keep you around is to put you to work.”

“Conscripted again?” Levi asked wryly.

“An insurance for your survival.”

Levi knew he was right, even if he hated the fact that Eren had to go this far to protect him. “I can do whatever is needed.”

Eren nodded, then sharply declared, “ _Du wirst mir gehorchen, du Judenscheiße._ ” You will obey me, you Jewshit.

Levi got right to work unloading their supplies, although Armin did his best to help. The others also had plenty of energy, still under the empowering effects of the Pervitin, and they helped with boxes while Eren talked to the man in charge of the barracks to make sure their rooms were ready.

Now, Levi saw the whole platoon, not just the few who stayed in the house Eren had slept in. There were men he only casually saw around the village, now saluting Eren and helping to unload.

Levi carried a crate into the brick building, past a massive Nazi flag, and into a hallway. Every man there was in uniform, and they all glared at him. Levi tried to keep his eyes down, but with his black hair, he was obviously not what these men considered a true, _super_ human.

He went into a room, following Franz. He glanced around at the bunk beds and drab blankets folded on top, ready for the soldiers. He set the crate down, but suddenly he was pushed. Levi stumbled back, and while his instinct was to reach for his knife, he fought that reaction. This was _not_ the place to resort to violence. He saw that it was Franz, and he had a smug look.

“ _Wenn du es vermasselt, schlitze ich dir die Kehle auf wie ein Schwein, du Scheißjude._ ” If you screw up, I’ll slit your throat like a pig, you fucking Jew.

Levi held still, not sure what sort of threat he was saying, not that it mattered. Just then, Jean walked into the room.

“Kefka,” he barked. “ _Hören Sie auf zu spielen und machen Sie sich wieder an die Arbeit._ ” Stop playing and get back to work.

Franz stepped back, but his eyes kept glaring. _“Jawohl, Herr Unteroffizier.”_

Levi stayed still as Franz pulled back. Then his eyes shot over to Jean, who was glaring but seemed to be sympathetic. After all, Levi was just trying to obey orders.

“Forster!” Jean shouted out. He walked up to a slender man with auburn hair and spoke to him, giving him orders. The man saluted and turned to Levi. Jean silently waved Levi forward. Hesitantly, the Jew approached.

“ _Du. Geh mit ihm_.” You. Go with him.

The man gave Levi a small smile and waved for him to follow. Levi obeyed, not wanting to cause problems. Eren had said that Jean was in on the plan to help him to escape, so he had to put his trust in him for the moment.

The soldier glanced back. “ _Du bist der berühmte Jude._ ” You’re the famous Jew. “ _Ich heiße Floch Forster._ ” He hummed and thought back through language lessons he learned long ago. “ _Je m’appelle Floch._ ” My name is Floch.

Levi nodded to let him know he understood. “Levi.”

He gave another tiny, awkward smile and continued on. Levi was led back outside, where Eren was waiting. Floch snapped into a salute, arm out stiffly, at seeing his lieutenant.

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ”

“ _Danke, Forster._ ”

Eren gave the soldier an order that sent the young man hurrying to the driver’s side of the truck. Then Eren looked over at Levi.

“Officers sleep in their own place. You and Floch will help me to unload my things.”

“Your own place?” Levi asked sharply.

There was a slight twinkle in his eyes. “A nearby hotel. I get a private room. It’s small, and it’s on the top floor so you’ll have many stairs to climb.”

A private room! That made hiding a lot easier.

Levi climbed into the back of the truck while Eren sat in the passenger seat. Floch started up the truck, drove them back through the massive barracks, out onto the street, and continued down the road. A few blocks away from the barracks was a hotel with Nazi flags and soldiers posted out front. Floch came to a stop, and Eren stepped out, snapping to attention as a captain walked by. Although this was a place just for the officers, as a lieutenant, Eren was the lowest of the ranks.

Floch and Levi got to work. Eren did not have much, just his clothes, weapons, medical kit, and spare ammunition. Levi took a few duffel bags and hauled them up a staircase. They went up to the fourth floor, through a hallway, and Eren pulled out a key to open his room.

It was small inside: a bathroom, a bed, a dresser, and a desk with a chair and some writing utensils. The ceiling was high, and Levi noticed a door that probably opened up to an attic. He heard Floch speaking, looking eager to help Eren, offering to bring him food or a drink while his lieutenant rested from the journey. Levi rolled his eyes at the fawning recruit and turned aside, trying to find a place to set down his bags.

Eren finally sent Floch on a mission to find him some beer, anything to get the man to go away. Far too eager, Floch bolted out, and Eren finally sighed. He turned around to look at Levi.

“Your own place,” Levi muttered. “Not bad.”

“I’m lucky.” He walked over to the section of ceiling. He pulled the chair over, stood on top, and with a sharp punch he got the attic door to move up. He pushed the creaking trap door up, peaked inside, and then jumped off the chair.

“Go check it out. If I can hide you up there, that will make this easier.”

“And what will you tell the others?”

Eren shrugged. “That I shot you.”

Levi scoffed, shook his head, but used the chair. He was too short to reach the ceiling and scowled. Curse his height!

“Wait,” Eren said, seeing that Levi was going to try jumping to reach it.

He rushed over, grabbed Levi around the waist, and lifted him. Levi momentarily lost his balance, shocked by Eren’s suddenness, yet he was lifted effortlessly to the opening. He grabbed the edges and pulled himself up.

The attic was massive, spanning the whole length of the hotel. He tried to stand, and while his smaller stature allowed him to rise, even then he was hunched over before his head hit the rafters.

“Judging by the dust, no one has been up here in months, if not years.” He walked around, testing the floor and how much it creaked. “It’s beyond disgusting,” he grumbled, seeing his shoes leaving prints in the thick coating of gray dust. “It’s too dark to see much.”

A hand shot up through the hole, and Eren held up a torch. “Don’t be too long, but see if you could stay up there safely.”

Levi took the torch, clicked it on, and swung the beam of light around. There were crates and boxes, old furniture long forgotten, covered in sheets which had gathered dust. As he guessed, the attic stretched for the whole length of the hotel. There were tiny windows on each end that let in minimal light, but at least it was better than pitch blackness.

“It’ll work,” he decided.

“Good. Now get down before Floch comes back.”

Levi returned, sat down by the opening, and was about to jump when once again hands wrapped around him. Eren pulled him down, easing him through his arms, until Levi’s feet landed on the rug. Their bodies were right up against each other, and Eren looked down at him with a tender, grateful smile.

“I can hide you until we find a way for you to get out of the city.”

Levi nodded, and a lump felt like it was growing in the back of his throat. He had begun to fear that there was no escape and no place even for him to hide for the night. Now, he had a whole attic all to himself.

Eren’s arms rubbing up and down his waist. He was still looking deeply at Levi, his eyes intense, his youthful cheeks blushing.

Levi scoffed, “What sort of perverted thoughts are you imagining now, _takhshet_?”

Eren chuckled but did not let go. “I’m imagining having you to myself for once.”

“You’re in the middle of a hotel full of Nazi officers. Don’t forget that!”

“Trust me, I won’t, but still…” He caressed Levi’s cheek. “At least for a few days, until I find an escape route … you can be here, with me.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t try anything funny, like how you were on the road.”

Eren laughed awkwardly. “No, and I really am sorry about all that. I admit, it’s not fully out of my system. I look at you … and there are thoughts in my head. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having.”

Levi’s lips pursed hard. Damn him, but he was curious! “What sort of thoughts?”

Eren licked his lips and gazed down. “Kissing you. Holding your hand. Watching you wake up in the morning. Maybe having a breakfast together”

Levi scoffed and averted his eyes as his cheeks felt feverish. “You’re an innocent little boy—”

“Touching you,” Eren cut in, his grip on Levi’s waist tightening. “Watching you bathe, not in a river, but in my own bathtub, and washing your back. Washing _all of you_. Holding you, just like this,” he whispered, clutching him close, “wet and naked, feeling you right up against my body and seeing how you react.”

Levi began to pull back with a wary glare. Eren suddenly let him go and pulled away, laughing with a flustered face.

“See, I told you. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having.”

“You really shouldn’t!” Levi snapped, still giving him a cautious, side-eyed glare.

“Was that going too far? I’m sorry.”

“You’ve never courted a person, have you?”

Eren looked confused. “Courted?”

“You know, being with someone, going out together?”

“Ah. Um, no,” Eren confessed. “A man like me can’t exactly be with another man and go out.”

“I guess that’s true,” Levi muttered. “Well, there are things you don’t do when you’re only courting.”

“Why do the English call it _courting_?”

“I don’t know!” Levi snapped. “Anyway, for one, you don’t move too fast.”

“Move?” Eren asked, looking down at his hands and wondering if his body was too quick.

Levi rolled his eyes. “I mean like … like going from holding hands and kissing to … to what _you’re_ suggesting.”

Eren still looked confused. “Do you mean bathing together and sleeping together?”

“Yes!” he shouted, but immediately brought his voice back down. “That’s inappropriate.” Levi saw that the word confused Eren, and he held back a sigh of annoyance. “That’s asking for too much too soon.”

“But we’ve slept in the same bed many times, and I’ve seen you bathing for months.”

Levi opened his mouth to argue, but the brat had a point. “Well, it’s still … it’s not …” He growled and snapped, “It’s _how_ you’re saying it, what you’re implying.”

Eren pouted. “I don’t understand.”

“Because you’re an idiot!” Levi shook his head and walked over to the window, glancing down at the street far below. “I just hope you calm down once those damn drugs are out of your system.”

Eren scowled, still not sure what he did wrong, but then a tiny smile crept onto his face. “Does this mean you see us as _courting_?”

Levi spun back around, mouth open to scream a protest, when there was a knock on the door and Floch calling in. Looking smug at catching Levi in a subtle confession, Eren turned and walked over to the door. Levi turned back to the window so the soldier did not see the flush in his cheeks.

“ _Espèce d’idiot_ ,” he cursed under his breath. Damn idiot. Still, he wondered why he had brought up courting and what was appropriate for a new couple. It _couldn’t_ be that he saw Eren as his boyfriend. No way!

Meanwhile, Eren let Floch into the room. The young soldier had a bright smile as he brought in a stein.

“A beer for you, _Herr Leutnant_ ,” he said, carefully passing over the drink.

“Thank you, Forster,” Eren said, gladly taking a deep drink.

Floch glanced into the room at Levi. “What are you going to do with him?”

Eren glanced back, seeing Levi standing by the window. “I haven’t figured it out.”

“You could keep him as a servant. I mean, I’ve been assigned to be your adjutant, but I can’t always be by your side. You could have him sleep on the floor and attend you at any time.”

Eren glanced carefully at Floch. “I could. What would _you_ suggest?”

“Me?” he said, looking stunned.

“Well, you’re going to be my adjutant. I should honor your insight. What do you recommend?”

“I don’t know, sir. Personally, I don’t know why you kept a Jew around at all. I’d probably just shoot him, but Kirschtein said something about him being _well-trained_. He almost sounds like your pet, a loyal dog. If I had a pet with me, I wouldn’t want to simply take him out and shoot him, even if having a dog wasn’t allowed. Not that I think you should hide him or let him go, but maybe you could get a special permission…”

Just then, Floch saw the attic door still open. As his eyes turned up, Eren followed the gaze and cursed silently. _Shit!_ He had hoped to keep the idea of hiding Levi in the attic to himself.

“That’s brilliant, sir!”

He jolted, surprised by the enthusiasm. “What?”

“Well, you wouldn’t want a Jew sleeping in the same room as you, but sleeping in the attic like a rat? That’s smart. Besides, it’s not like he can just _escape_. This is Metz!”

“Well, I did promise to shoot him,” Eren said to ground them both in the harsh reality. Besides, Levi would _vanish_ one day, and Floch could not be allowed to suspect anything.

“Sure, but in the meantime, he’s useful, right? At least until you settle in. After that, if he really is your pet, just make it quick. My father once had to shoot a horse. He really liked that horse, so he made it painless. Rifle, right to the back of the skull,” he said, pointing to where he should aim.

“That’s a good suggestion,” Eren muttered. He took long, quenching gulps of the beer. “You know what? I want to see how the men are settling in. Let’s ride back.”

“You take such good care of us, _Herr Leutnant_ ,” Floch said, his doe eyes dripping with adoration.

Eren turned to the Jew. “Levi,” he called out, getting him to turn around. Eren nodded to the hole in the ceiling and told him in English, “Hide in the attic for now. I’ll bring you some food.”

He nodded silently, climbed onto the chair, and again realized just how short he was, unable to reach the ceiling. He tried to jump, but the chair wobbled, and he only barely managed a tiny hop, not enough to reach the attic opening.

“Aww, he really is like a little rabbit,” Floch said, grinning in amusement. “Should I help him up?”

“Maybe offer him a hand,” Eren said, knowing he could not be seen lifting Levi like he did before.

Floch hurried over, put one foot on the chair, and patted his knee. “You can step on my leg to get up. Sir, do you think he’s smart enough to understand? Does he need to be told in English or French?”

“Of course, he’s too stupid to learn German.” Calmly, he told Levi in English, “ _Soldat_ Forster is offering to help you up into the attic. Step on his leg.”

“I guess I don’t mind stepping on a Nazi pig,” he muttered, and he used Floch’s thigh as a boost, enough to raise him up to grab the ledge of the attic door. Floch even steadied Levi’s torso as he firmly gripped the ledge and pulled himself up into the attic.

“ _Très bien!_ ” Floch cheered, waving up at Levi in the darkness of the attic. “He’s surprisingly strong, to pull himself up like that.”

“He worked hard around the village,” Eren said, nodding to Levi as the Jew closed the squeaky attic door. “I guess even a Jew can build up some muscles.” He pulled on his cap while Floch dusted off his trousers where Levi had stepped on him. “I’m surprised you’re willing to help a Jew.”

“Oh, I hate Jews,” Floch asserted right away, as if eager to not give the wrong impression. “I think the world would be better and safer without those subhuman devils. Still, maybe because I grew up on a farm, I can see how you could become attached to an animal. I had a pet rat. I even named him Hänsel. You know, like Hänsel and Gretel. I still hate rats, I know they need to be exterminated for the safety of us humans, but Hänsel was different. He was a pet. It’s the same for you, right? I heard that you helped to shoot all the Jews, so obviously, you know they’re a blight on humanity, but keeping one around as a pet? I get that.”

“I guess you could say, he’s my _Hänsel_.” They left the room and walked down the hotel corridor. “What happened to Hänsel?”

“My sister befriended one of the feral barn cats and brought it into the house. Hänsel got loose one day, the cat found him, and it brought Hänsel’s tail back as a trophy of its hunt. I was so mad, but in the end, he was _just_ a rat.”

Eren’s brow tightened at the grim tale. “Right … just a rat.”

They drove back to the barracks, although it was close enough where Eren could have just walked. Still, Floch was eager to settle into his new role as the lieutenant’s adjutant, assisting him with anything he may need, and Eren had to realize that being an officer put him above the regular enlisted and conscripted soldiers. He had spent the whole war fighting alongside them and sleeping in the same quarters. Only in Paris had he been given special treatment like this: a hotel just for officers, and an attendant to fetch anything he needed. Even then, he had spent most of his time in Paris drinking and touring around with his men, not staying with only the officers.

They drove up and saw some of the platoon standing around outside the barracks, talking and goofing around.

“I’m telling you,” said Thomas, “those Americans will never survive the winter. I knew someone who went to Texas. The people there had never seen snow before in their lives. He said it was hot enough to fry an egg on the street.”

Franz teased him, “Pretty sure you tried that with breakfast a few weeks ago.”

Armin schooled, “The northern parts of their country get very cold. It would make sense if they train their soldiers where it is cold to get them used to the coming winter.”

Jean caught sight up Eren and jolted up. “Lieutenant!”

Armin burst into a smile. “Eren! How are you?”

Jean snapped, “Be more respectful! We’re in Metz now. We can’t just…”

“Oh, stop,” Eren laughed, climbing out of the car. “At ease, Kirschtein. You’re a good soldier, but I’m here to relax. Who’s up for drinks?”

The platoon cheered, and they piled into the truck, barely managing to cram everyone in. They drove to a bar, singing songs the whole way there. Eren smiled around at his men.

 _This_ was the best part of being in the military. The camaraderie, the close bond between men who had survived hell together, and could now drink and sing and be that much more thankful to be alive.

If only the whole war could be like this.

# # #

# #

#

_**Malling** – This is such a small thing, but as I set up the route the Germans could take using Google Maps, they would cross the Moselle in Malling. I wanted to make sure there really was a bridge there back in 1944, and I came across stories of battles in Malling to take the bridgehead. Okay, cool, there was something there, but what did it look like? That led me to find this amazing picture._

_The Lorraine Bridge crossing over the Moselle in Pont de Malling, taken in 1906. I cannot express how much I love bridges (I live in a city nicknamed “Bridgetown” for our 22 bridges) so finding this 114-year-old photo was awesome. I really wanted to share it._

_([The most awesome map in my collection!](http://www.coulthart.com/134/maps/ams-metz-city-plan-1943.jpg))_

_**Metz** – Finally, we get into the real substance of Act Two, Metz. We’re going to be in this city for a while. If you want to refer to a map and follow along where they’re going around the city, [there is an amazing city planning map made by the U.S. Army in 1943](https://i.imgur.com/wNqIciD.jpg) with locations of civilian zones and military installations. When you zoom in, this has a LOT of detail. I heavily relied upon this map. Shout-out to McMaster University and their extensive digital archive of maps._

_**Deutsches Tor / Portes des Allemands / German Gate** – I mentioned the German Gate briefly a few chapters ago, after Jean said that he has family who grew up in this area and an aunt who lives in Metz. Oddly enough, the English Wikipedia has next to nothing about the “German Gate,” the French Wikipedia has a little bit more about “Porte des Allemands,” but the German Wikipedia has a huge article about “Deutsches Tor.”_

_[https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deutsches_Tor_(Metz)](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deutsches_Tor_\(Metz) _

_The original castle bridge was built in 1230 to cross the Seille River. It controls the road from Mainz to Metz, as well as makes a direct connection between Metz and Strasbourg, Germany (which was a big reason why the Allies needed to control Metz in WWII; they needed that road). Unlike what either Jean or Armin believe, it was not named because it was strong, nor because it faced the direction of Germany. In the 1200s, the German Knights of the Teutonic Order had built a hospital in Metz, L’hôpital des Allemands, the street that ran by the hospital was thus called Rue des Allemands, so the gate this street ran into was called Portes des Allemands. Blame the Teutonic Order._

_In World War II, the German Gate took heavy damage. The bridge connecting to the gate was destroyed. Two of the northern towers, Tour des Esprits (Ghost Tower) and Tour des Barbiers et Tour des Chandeliers de Cire (Bath and Candle Maker Tower) were struck by Allied artillery._

_One of the funniest features of the German Gate is the **Tour Dex caponier** , a defensive outcropping that was added in 1530 to defend against the invention of the rifle. On the front center of the caponier is a bas-relief carving of a man bent over with his pants down, showing his bare ass and drooping testicles to any would-be invaders, with his head between his legs, grabbing his butt cheeks and spreading them to show his gaping anus. Yep … he’s giving a 16th century “Goatse.” (Never let history teachers convince you that our ancestors did not have a raunchy sense of humor.)_

_**The Barracks** – Using that 1943 U.S. Army city map and Google Streetview, I found the old Nazi barracks and was able to stitch together this panorama._

_These brick barracks go on for many blocks. This was where the Nazi soldiers would have slept, hung out, exercised in the morning, and where they took their meals when not dining out in the city. Today, this is the Collège Mixte Barbot and DIRISI, a communications and information systems organization of the French Armed Forces. As chance would have it, the college I went to was also set up in converted barracks from WWII. You could tell which buildings were the old Air Force barracks and which were modern, and since the English Department was housed in the barracks, that’s where I spent most of my time. It was kinda cool, historically-speaking._

_Interestingly, after I screenshot these pics off Google, I realized you can see some military personnel out. It really hammers in that this place is STILL used by men in uniform._

_Then as I was trying to upload these into Imgur to share them online, the site kept refusing. For a few seconds, I seriously thought maybe these were FORBIDDEN IMAGES and the French military was going to come after me, haha! (Actually, they were having server issues.) I mean, I already assume that I’m likely on an FBI list from all the “questionably legal research” I’ve done to make my writing more believable, so why not the French too? (Hello, Mr. FBI Agent man! Bonjour!)_

_**Officer’s Hotels** – I don’t know which hotels in Metz were used by the German officers, so I’m keeping this purposely vague, which allows me to design this hotel any way I want! (Keeping things historically accurate is exhausting.) This is another historical mistake I made in my rough draft that is causing me to rewrite much of Act 2, and so may slow down my updates. Originally, Eren stayed with his platoon, and many of the personality traits I built up in Act 1 really come into play as Eren hides Levi. In reality, German officers rarely stayed with the enlisted. They had their own quarters and kept a firm separation between OFFICER and ENLISTED. In occupied cities, they were put up in hotels or vacated houses, and they ate at restaurants rather than mess halls. So a lot of the conversations Eren has in the upcoming chapters and many of the troubles he and Levi face cannot be with the platoon. That means we are going to see even more new characters from Attack on Titan in the upcoming chapters, which should be fun._


	31. Clarity in the Cathedral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of drinking, Eren finds solace in Metz Cathedral, but all is not at peace in the streets of Metz.

Eren spent most of his first day in Metz at a beer hall full of soldiers. A few had women with them, letting the girls sit on their laps, telling them stories of bravery while their buddies insisted none of it was true. They toasted their commanding officer, buying more and more beers for Eren, cheering for him like a hero who could end the war single-handedly.

Eren drank beer after beer. He talked and laughed with his platoon mates late into the night, sang every song they could think of, even some Eren had never heard before, but he learned them as they sang and cheered, swaying to songs of the Fatherland.

_Oh, Du schöner Westerwald!  
(Eukalyptusbonbon!)  
_ _Über Deine Höhen pfeift der Wind so kalt!  
Jedoch der kleinste Sonnenschein  
Dringt tief ins Herz hinein._

* You can hear the full song here: <https://youtu.be/4GkZ_Ax1kMw>

After many hours, Eren retreated to the lavatory to relieve nature. There he came across Armin standing by the sink, washing his face and looking woozy like he had just vomited.

“Drink too much?” Eren asked, his own voice slurring as he unzipped his trousers and stood in front of a urinal.

“Sorry, sir. Connie was really pushing me into more toasts.”

“I’ll have Floch drive you home.”

“ _Das müssen Sie nicht tun, Herr Leutnant._ ” You don’t have to do that, lieutenant.

“ _Sie?_ ” Eren asked, catching the formality in his words. “Since when is it _Sie_ between us?”

Armin pouted as he leaned against the wall to keep upright while his head swam. “Jean is right. This is Metz. It’s not like that little village; it’s not even like Paris. We’re on the front lines again, just like Anzio, and in Anzio we showed you proper respect.”

“In Anzio, I was fresh out of the academy. I probably demanded respect since I didn’t know any of you.”

“Still, of all times to take our roles seriously, this is it. I’ve seen the maps. If things keep going as they are, Metz is going to be the last German stronghold in France.” His head lowered and shook despondently. “Now is the time to act like real soldiers.”

“We went through hell in Anzio,” Eren reminded him. “We qualify as _real soldiers_ more than most of the men here.”

“Some of these men have been in this country since the Battle of France. Many were at Normandy. I met one who has been fighting since the 1939 _Verteidigungskrieg_. Five years! I can’t even imagine five years of this hell. And the worst is coming up.” He glanced around, but all the stalls were empty. “What happened to you-know-who?”

Eren shook off a droplet of urine, tucked himself away, and zipped up his trousers. “My hotel has an attic. He’s safe.”

Armin smiled in relief. “That’s good.”

“I need your help planning an escape.”

“I know. I’ll start gathering maps in the morning. A city map to start, a better map of the region would help for after he gets past the walls, then if I can get access to maps of enemy movements, figure a route so he’s not caught in the middle of a war zone…”

“Leave that to me,” said Eren. “And Armin … thank you.”

Armin smiled, feeling once again like they were just two friends, not _enlisted_ and _officer_. “You’re welcome, Eren.”

“Let’s get you home.”

Eren helped Armin to walk as they went back to the beer hall and hunted out Floch. Unfortunately, the young soldier had drank to excess and passed out on a table. Eren shook his head, but he figured at least his men could have some fun here in Metz. Even if Armin’s grim warning was right, for the moment at least, they could enjoy life to the fullest.

He went over to Jean instead. The tall, long-faced sergeant was busy chatting with a young woman who already had claimed his arm as hers. Eren clasped him on the shoulder. “Hey! I’m going to find someone who can drive Armin back home. Let Floch know I went back on my own.”

“Huh? Oh, right. Where is he?” He glanced around and saw the auburn-haired soldier passed out with drool forming a puddle on the table. “Damn. Should I find someone else to drive you?”

“I don’t think anyone here is sober enough,” Eren said with a light laugh. “Don’t worry, I’ll find someone. Make sure they all get back to the barracks.”

“Yes, sir!” He turned back to the lady. “Now, where was I?”

“Dieppe,” the woman said, leaning in close to him, obviously very drunk already.

“Ah yes. I shot probably three hundred Allies myself. Drove them back across the English Channel. This bastard,” he said thumbing to Eren, “he’s not that bad, but our lieutenant back then was an idiot. Got himself killed, so I had to take control for a while. That earned me a promotion, although I felt like I should have been made an officer on the spot. Not that I would brag about it, but you could say that victory was all thanks to me.”

Her hand slid up his tunic. “You are so brave, _Herr Unteroffizier_.”

Eren rolled his eyes and shook his head. Jean’s story changed every time he heard it. Back in Anzio, he claimed it was fifty men he shot. In Paris it was a hundred. Perhaps next time, he would claim to have shot down a plane.

Eren guided Armin outside into the chilly September night. He could still hear the singing behind him and smiled once more. Truly, if only life could be like this, hanging out with friends, drinking and singing, without wars and death!

He walked over to the military truck, glanced around the street, and saw two children, no more than twelve years old, a young girl in the white shirt, black skirt, and black neckerchief of the _Jungmädelbund_ , and a fresh-faced blond boy in the brown shirt and black shorts of Hitler Youth.

“There are still many young people around,” Armin noted as he watched the two children. “You would think their parents would get them out of the city.”

“Metz is home to a _Fahnenjunkerschule_ and _SS-Nachrichtenschule_. A lot of families around.” He had seen that on a map, a school for cadets and a communications school. They would probably see a lot of young recruits around, and even some children. Eren called out, “Hey, kids.”

The two youths looked around. The girl instantly snapped to attention with her arm out stiffly, and the boy followed, bringing himself up taller and saluting.

“ _Herr Leutnant_ ,” said the boy.

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ” the girl screamed.

The boy flinched and turned to her. “Not so loud. Sheesh!”

Still intense but in a near whisper, she said, “My apologies, lieutenant.”

Eren was impressed by the respect that had been instilled into these two children. It was proof of strict German education. “What are your names?”

The boy replied, “I am Falco Grice. This is Gabi.”

“ _Heil Hitler_ ,” she said again.

“At ease,” Eren said in amusement. “Do either of you know someone who can drive my truck? My driver is … busy.” More like _passed out drunk_ , but Eren did not want to give a bad impression to these children.

Falco said, “My brother can drive. I can fetch him for you.”

Gabi thumbed behind her. “We just passed him. He’s nearby.”

“Do so.”

“Yes, sir!” the two youths shouted, and they bolted off into the dark.

Armin dizzily rested on Eren’s shoulder. “Are you coming back too?”

“No, I’ll walk back to the officer’s hotel.”

“Noooo,” Armin protested, weakly hitting Eren. “You’re my lieutenant. I can’t— _hick_ —can’t let you walk alone.”

“I’m perfectly fine walking by myself,” Eren said with a laugh at his poor friend’s drunken state. “I’m more worried about how everyone else is going to walk back after I send you home with the truck.”

Armin was still trying to protest when the children came back with a tall man in a gray uniform.

“ _Schutzstaffel?_ ” Eren wondered, squinting through the orange glow of a street lamp.

Armin’s eyes tried to focus. “No. Look at the shoulderboards.”

As the man in uniform passed under a lamp, Eren saw him clearer. “Police? But his uniform…”

Armin whispered, “Gestapo.”

The man came up to the two and nodded stiffly. Armin saluted right away, although his sudden movement made him wobble, and Eren had to grab him before he fell over.

“Pardon us, detective,” Eren said, holding onto Armin. “When the boy offered to get his brother, I didn’t know whom he meant.”

The man chuckled. “I’m surprised Falco didn’t brag about his big brother. He’s a little too proud of me.”

Gabi piped up, “Of course he would be! Anyone would be proud to have a brother like you, Colt. The Gestapo keeps us safe from any scum who would try to harm Germany. You guys are amazing!”

He patted her head, and Gabi beamed a giddy smile at being noticed. “Colt Grice, _Kriminalassistent_ of Metz,” he said to Eren in friendly introduction.

“ _Leutant_ Eren Jäger. My apologies. I thought I would simply get a civilian to drive my _Obergefreiter_ back to the barracks. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. We’ll find someone else.”

“Nonsense,” said Colt. “The Gestapo are here to support our soldiers. It doesn’t matter what branch we belong to, we must help one another, for the glory of Hitler and the Third Reich.”

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ” Gabi yelled again.

“Besides,” said Colt, glaring around at the evening darkness, “I don’t trust the civilians around here. We’ve had so many problems with the French Resistance in Metz these past few weeks, if you had gotten a civilian to drive him home, you likely would have found your _Obergefreiter_ dead in the morning.”

“Is it really that bad here?” Armin asked in shock.

“Forgive us,” said Eren. “We just arrived today.”

“Ah, are you the latecomers we heard about who had some communications trouble?”

“You heard about that?” Eren asked in surprise, considering how many companies must have been pouring into Metz over the past few weeks.

“Of course. It is the job of the Gestapo to hunt out spies and traitors,” he said with calm but cold composure. “Rest assured, the people involved were caught.”

“French Resistance?” asked Armin.

Colt shook his head. “We traced it to Berlin. I don’t know details, but I’m sure we will pry it out of them soon.”

Eren sneered at the thought of it. “Traitors in Berlin itself?”

Gabi had the same look of anger. “Fools! They don’t see how great Hitler has made Germany, how brilliant he is, how amazing and caring and handsome and passionate he is for the glory of all of Germany. _Heil Hitler!_ ”

Falco rolled his eyes. “You’re being loud again.”

“I can’t help it,” she cried out. “Hitler makes me so proud to have been born a German.”

Falco muttered under his breath, “Technically, you’re French. You were born right here in Metz.”

“We must always be vigilant of deviant behavior,” Colt told Eren, “and enemies of Germany must be crushed without mercy.”

Eren felt a momentary chill. Deviant behavior? Like hiding a Jew in his attic?

“That is why we need officers like you, _Herr Leutnant_ , and why what you are doing, what you are fighting for, is so important.” Colt smiled down at the children and put a protective hand on Falco’s shoulder. “We fight for the next generation, so that they may know peace and prosperity.”

Gabi’s fists tightened. “And if the fight continues, we’re ready. We will fight to the very last man!”

Colt ruffled up her hair. “I sincerely hope you don’t have to.”

Armin told Colt, “We’ve had our fair share of the French Resistance. Our last assignment was a village northwest of here that had been overrun by partisans.”

Eren shoved down his momentary shiver and added, “We flushed them out and held the place secure through the summer, yet it seems that in the end, a few rats slipped by us.”

Gabi vehemently insisted, “They are worse than rats. Anyone who defies Hitler is a pustule on the ass of a flea that suckles on the blood of a Jewish rat!”

Falco made a face as he turned to her. “Where did you learn language like that?”

“From my _mother_ ,” she declared proudly.

“Then you know what I mean,” Colt said to Eren, ignoring the noisy children. “Trust no civilians in Metz.” He glanced at the bar they were standing in front of. “Are some of your men in there?”

“Most of my platoon.”

“Warn them not to go home with any unknown women. They can ask other soldiers or even the bartender if a woman is _known_ in this area, but strange women should be avoided. Lieutenant, if you would like a nice lady for the evening, the Gestapo has a list, women vetted specifically for our officers to make sure they are safe, both politically and … well…” He hesitated as he glanced down at the two children. “We wouldn’t want you to get a _disease_ , if you know what I mean.”

Gabi bluntly stated, “He means whores. They keep a list of the best whores.”

Falco gasped, both at Gabi and at what his brother was obviously offering to this lieutenant.

Eren looked awkward. “That’s … a kind offer.”

“Remember,” Colt schooled, “a man should not let his vitality go to waste for too long. It makes for a weaker soldier.”

Gabi nodded diligently. “We need our soldiers in top form, and that means a healthy libido.”

“Who taught you _that_?” Falco cried out.

“The older girls in _Bund Deutscher Mädel_. I listen in on their lectures. They said if a soldier wants a night with us, we are to take it as the greatest compliment and do our utmost duty to Germany.”

Colt patted her head and warned her, “Not until you’re of legal age, young lady. Help this poor soldier into the truck. Falco, help Jäger to gather his men. I’ll drive them all home so we can be sure they don’t end up lost or murdered by a _femme fatale_.”

“That’s kind of you, detective. Come on, Falco.”

“Yes, sir!” the boy said eagerly, and he went into the noisy bar right behind the lieutenant.

Eren marched forward and stood on a table. “All right, Jäger Platoon! Ditch the dames. It’s bedtime.”

Jean was the first to shout. “What? Come on!”

Thomas yelled, “I already bought her three drinks.”

Eren quipped back, “And if you can’t win her back tomorrow, try five drinks. There’s a nice Gestapo detective outside who gave those orders. Do you want to argue with him?”

Thomas slouched and frowned. “No, sir.”

“Good. Back in the truck. Someone wake up Floch.”

Connie poured a beer over Floch’s head to wake him, and he was dragged out along with other men who stumbled in a drunken haze. Falco helped those he could, while Eren made sure everything was settled with the bar owner.

Jean came up to him and whispered, “Why is there Gestapo outside?”

“Pure chance. He offered to drive you all back to the barracks. Oh, and he warned, don’t hook up with the local girls. Apparently there have been a lot of problems.”

Jean’s face turned severe. “Are you in trouble?”

Eren looked stunned. “No. Why?”

“Considering what you’re planning?” Jean shook his head, really not liking any of this. He whispered in warning, “Don’t hang out with the Gestapo.”

Eren stiffened, knowing what he meant. He had to admit, for a moment, he had felt a pang of terror at realizing this man worked for the Gestapo, but unless Floch tattled, no one knew where Levi was hiding.

They turned to go, but Jean stumbled. He shook his head against all the beer he had drank, and Eren helped him forward. They went out into the night and saw Colt in the truck.

“I feel bad that you’ll have to walk back,” Eren muttered.

Colt smirked as he started up the truck’s engine. “If I can’t handle a kilometer or two, I don’t deserve my position. Falco, Gabi, climb in. We’ll count this as your evening exercise.” He glanced at Eren. “Aren’t you coming, lieutenant?”

“I’d like to walk around, see what this city is like at night. Besides, I need the fresh air.”

“Be safe. Remember my warning. Lots of Resistance out there, even now. They’ll do anything to sabotage us, and taking out a lieutenant wandering alone at night would be an easy target.”

Jean barked a laugh. “He’s stupid, but he’s strong. He’s a _Jäger_ for a reason.”

Colt heard the insult mixed with admiration and glanced over to Eren in surprise. “That’s your platoon sergeant?” Eren shrugged with a chuckle. “Well, I’ll leave it, but perhaps once he’s sobered up he can atone by showing the _proper_ respect for an officer.”

“Oy, Eren,” Connie called out. “ _Wohin gehst du?_ ” Where are you going?

“ _Du?_ ” Colt caught right away. “I hope they’re only talking like that because they’re drunk. It’s quite improper.”

Eren knew some of his platoon spoke informally to him, and he had let it slide since taking charge. In battle, he cared more about survival than formality, in Paris he just wanted to relax and have fun, in the village he felt close with the men who stayed in the same house as him, but perhaps Armin was right. This was Metz, and they had to follow the chain of command better.

“I’m going to church.”

“Church?” Connie barked out, his head woozy. “Did you sin already?”

“Is that why you vanished from the party?” asked Jean. “Did you get some girl pregnant?”

Eren rolled his eyes and shook his head. The more his men talked, the more disrespectful they sounded. “I hope they’ll at least behave themselves around you. Again, I’m really sorry to bother you, _Kriminalassistent_.”

“And again, we are here to make sure our soldiers remain safe. The whole purpose of the Gestapo is to keep law and order in Germany and its occupied territories.” He tipped his hat to Eren. “Have a safe and pleasant walk, lieutenant. Welcome to Metz.”

The truck drove off with men shouting farewell to Eren. As soon as they were out of sight, Eren pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long, much-needed drag. He had been wanting a smoke for a while, but if that Gestapo detective disapproved of his men speaking informally, he would really scold Eren for having cigarettes, given Germany’s anti-smoking policy.

He tugged his coat against the chilly air and began to walk. He headed north, seeing cars, horses, and many civilians still out despite the late hour. He was surprised, with the Allies on their way, just how many locals had remained in the city.

The streets really were a maze, and three times he had to ask for directions. Although Metz had belonged to France since the Great War, he found that older people spoke German, from the days when Metz was a German city.

What a complicated history this city had!

Finally, he turned a corner out of a narrow street and saw what he was searching for. A massive cathedral rose into view. Although it was dusk, there was enough light to see the soaring Gothic arches and austere majesty.

Eren realized while on the road, it was Sunday. In his childhood, he had gone to church with his mother every Sunday. Sometimes his father went with them, but often he was too busy with work. His mother, though, made sure Eren got dressed in his best suit, and they would walk together to church. It was a pleasant memory from his past.

Of course, his small village had a tiny church, nothing like the Metz Cathedral.

He walked up some steps and passed through a massive set of doors left open. There were people inside, Catholics praying with rosaries as well as German soldiers seeking solace from the nightmarish horrors of war. No matter which variety of Christianity the church was dedicated to, during times like this, praying for forgiveness and for the souls of their lost comrades got some soldiers through to live another day.

As an organ played an old hymn, Eren stepped forward, his army boots slow, struggling, as if the holiness of this place battled with the uniform he wore, and he had to fight through the darkness of his actions to be blessed with the divine Light. He gazed around at the massive stained glass windows that lined an arching ceiling that seemed to go up all the way to heaven itself. Never had he seen something so beautiful in his life. He definitely needed to come back here on a sunny day to see how the light caught those windows.

He paused, gazing ahead at the altar, crossed himself, and took a seat.

“ _Herr, mein Gott, zu Dir nehme ich meine Zuflucht_ ,” he whispered to himself. It was what his mother taught him to say upon entering a church: Lord, my God, I take refuge in you. “To this day, I don’t know if I’m going straight to Hell. What I am…” He looked down at his hands, and in his bones he could still feel the kick of his gun as he shot Abel. “…all I’ve done,” he whispered, his voice choking with tears, “especially in the past year.”

He closed his eyes, thinking about Anzio, killing British and Americans, sometimes viciously fighting back. Did God forgive soldiers? Someone in Hitler Youth asked that question once, to which the teacher assured, God not only forgave soldiers, He honored them. People who fought for the Fatherland were guaranteed a place in Heaven.

But did a man like him have that guarantee? If being homosexual sent you to Hell, but fighting for Hitler sent you to Heaven, did being a gay soldier for Hitler balance everything out? He used to hope so, and he would tell himself, so long as he never _acted_ on these feelings, he wasn’t guilty.

Now, he knew the softness of a man’s lips. He had touched himself thinking about a man. He had lusted after a man, to a humiliating degree. He knew, if Levi ever suggested they do _more_ , he would leap at the opportunity.

Was he guilty now? Did being a soldier still negate his damnation? Did God really hate him just because he had no desires for women?

“God, you made me this way,” he whispered, looking down at his hands again. They were hands that had caressed a man, and they wanted even more than touches. “How can I be damned for something I can’t _not_ be? It’s as ridiculous as damning women for being born female, or damning…”

He paused. He was about to say _or damning Jews for being born Jewish_. Even a Jew who barely knew anything about the religion of his ancestors, according to what Eren had been taught, was doomed for being born with Jewish blood. Yet it was something a Jew couldn’t _not_ be, God made them that way, so how could they have been born _destined_ for damnation?

What about homosexuals?

His face cringed up. He had struggled with this dilemma all of his life, and he was no closer to an answer. How could God hate homosexuals if Eren had no choice but to be this way? He could _force_ himself to marry a woman, even force himself to mate with and impregnate her, but there would never be love. He would never be attracted to her. That was nothing more than lying, and lying was a sin.

But not lying, being honest that he was only attracted to men, was also a sin.

He was damned either way.

Unless the priests and pastors were all wrong, and God loved everyone.

“ _Gott ist Liebe_ ,” he whispered. God is love.

When he read that scripture in the Bible as a child, he wondered how anyone could hate someone for whom they loved, when the Bible was so clear. Be it an Aryan falling for a Black person, a Christian falling for a Jew, or a man falling for a man, if God was _love_ , then God approved of all love. God would not hate a person for _whom_ they loved.

His love for Levi _had_ to be something God would support. If God hated it, then God was not love. Simple as that.

If _only_ it was that simple.

Someone had left behind a Bible on a seat near him. Eren reached over, picked up the Bible, and saw it was in German. He went to a scripture that had haunted him since he was a child. Yet as he read it, the words in this Bible were not the same.

“ _Wenn jemand beim Knaben schläft wie beim Weibe, die haben einen Greuel getan und sollen beide des Todes sterben; ihr Blut sei auf ihnen._ ” If anyone sleeps with a boy as with a woman, they have done an abomination and both shall die; their blood be on them.

“Well, this is different,” Eren muttered to himself. He knew this scripture by heart, and that was _not_ the way it went in the translation he was used to. The Bible used in his village’s church went, “ _Wenn ein Mann bei einem Manne liegt, wie man bei einem Weibe liegt._ ” If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman.

 _Knaben_ , a boy, was a much different meaning.

Eren clutched the Bible, stood up, and walked back out of the nave. He looked around until he found a priest.

“Pardon, do you speak German?” he asked the man in a cassock.

“Yes, my son. How may assist you?”

Eren held up the Bible. “The words in this are slightly different to the ones I knew as a child.”

The priest took the Bible and searched the inside of the cover. “Ah, this is the _Lutherbibel_. This is the original version of the Bible that Martin Luther translated into German in 1522. Whatever translation you are used to, the precise words may differ. If you grew up with the _Zwinglibibel_ or _Elberfelder Bibel_ , then you might be used to slightly different words, but the meaning should be the same.”

“The meaning was completely different,” Eren muttered.

The priest handed back the Bible. “Then I would say, if you have doubts, pray to God for understanding.”

“No,” he whispered, looking down at the Bible. “I think I only now understand.”

A smile cracked onto Eren’s face. He was Lutheran, so wasn’t the Bible translated by Martin Luther himself more accurate than some modern version? Luther translated that word as _boy_ , not _man_ , and that changed the meaning completely. Levi was anything but a _boy_. Sure, he teased Eren that he was a brat and a child, but they were both grown men.

The priest smiled to see relief in the face of this young soldier. “God has opened your eyes to His wisdom. Walk the path of the righteous, my son.”

Eren felt an old burden, a thorn in his side through nine years of his life, ever since he realized he liked men, suddenly lift, a pain he barely realized had been there vanished instantly.

He didn’t like little boys. He loved a grown, older man.

He put the Bible away and gazed up at the images of angels and saints wrought in colored glass. “I think I found my answer, God.”

Eren left the cathedral, walking lighter, unable to stop grinning. He felt like Heaven had suddenly opened up for him. He still had no idea if being a soldier was right or wrong, but at least being _who he was_ was okay.

“Oh right! Food.”

He paused in a café and ordered a sandwich wrapped up to go. He also bought a bottle of beer and some cookies the café had from that morning. He saw they had a lemon flavored _Pfundkuchen_ , and ordered the small loaf of cake. That would make a good breakfast for Levi.

With his food wrapped up in paper, he headed off, feeling even better about life. First, the Lutheran Bible said it was _sleeping with boys_ that was the abomination. Now, he had some good food for Levi.

He could hardly wait to watch him eat again. Eren found just that much was soothing to his soul.

His mind was busy, so when he turned down a narrow street, he did not pay attention to a group of men smoking as they leaned against the brick walls. He walked by with hardly a glance, until one of them shouted out in a mocking voice.

“ _Herr Soldat._ ”

Eren paused, slowly turned around, and saw the men were shifting themselves up out of their slouches.

“It’s _Herr Leutnant_ ,” Eren corrected coldly.

“I don’t give a fuck who you are.” The man took a drag on his cigarette. “You’re out late, Kraut.”

Eren recalled Colt’s warning about members of the Resistance causing trouble in Metz. Were these just drunk thugs, or was this what he was talking about?

“How about you share some of that food with us?” said the man. “As a sign of goodwill from our _German guests_.”

Eren replied coldly, “If it is food you want, I’m sure you can find leftovers from the barrack’s mess hall.”

“We don’t want your fucking table scrapes, Kraut.”

Eren sighed in weary annoyance. “I don’t want a fight.”

“Neither do we,” the grizzled man said, “but you’re the ones bringing the fight to _our_ city.”

The men behind him grunted in agreement as they drew in closer. Eren stood his ground, and his eyes flicked around, counting how many there were. If this turned into a fight, he did not have enough bullets for them all.

The man took another drag and flicked his cigarette at Eren, who batted it away before the burning tip scorched his uniform

“You should all go back home,” Eren warned.

“That’s what we’ve been saying to you Krauts for four fucking years.”

“Go back home!”

“Get out of our country.”

Eren wanted to tell these men, Germany defeated France fairly, their government agreed to the armistice, but he also did not want to make the situation worse.

The man taunted, “The Americans are coming, and they will slaughter every last one of you.” He smirked arrogantly, “At least, the ones we don’t get first.”

He whipped a knife out, and Eren went for his gun. Instantly, the arms of some tall, strong man were around him, nearly crushing Eren’s chest and pinning his arms to his sides. Eren sneered that someone had sneaked up on him.

The ringleader made a stab, but Eren spun hard, yanking the large attacker with him. The knife hit the huge man in the ribs. He howled in agony and loosened his grip on Eren.

While the ringleader was stunned that he had stabbed his friend on accident, Eren pulled out his Luger and shot him, then spun around and shot the man who had grabbed him. He turned to the other men who had gathered around, but they all scattering, fleeing into buildings or racing off into the night.

Eren walked up to the ringleader, fallen to the ground, holding his gut as blood pulsed out. Eren knelt beside him, his teal eyes hard and callous. The man groaned in agony as Eren tipped his chin up with the muzzle of his gun.

“The Americans may be coming,” he sneered, “but they won’t save you.” He pulled the trigger, and the back of the man’s head exploded. Then Eren stood up and took a few steps back as blood began to pool out closer to his feet. “Scum.”

He saw people had run forward at the sound of gunshots, and Eren glanced around, suspicious of everyone now. Who could he trust in this city that was about to face Hell itself?

He waited long enough for police to arrive, gave them a report about what happened, and the German police assured him, they would search for the men who fled the scene. As soon as the detective said he was free to go, Eren took off, glad to be away from that place and the smell of blood.

He took out another cigarette and tried to light it. He snapped the match in half, cursed, and pulled out another. He kept trying to strike that match, over and over, but his fingers were shaking too hard, until the match head broke off.

“ _Verdammt_ ,” he growled.

He came to a full stop so he could pull out another match and focus enough to strike it. Finally, the flame sizzled into life, and he lit up his cigarette. He took a long, slow inhale, and gradually the shaking stopped. It was so easy to pull that trigger when he was in the moment and his life was on the line; it was a different story when he had to live with the weight of the souls of the men he killed.

“ _Die Welt ist am Arsch._ ” The world is fucked.

Eren shook his head as he continued to walk through the chilly September night, smoking his cigarette as he headed back to his hotel.

# # #

# #

#

 ** _Oh du schöner Westerwald_** – the lyrics at the beginning is the chorus to _Westerwaldlied_ (“Westerwald Song”) an old German song that was popular in the 1940s. Westerwald is a mountainous region of western Germany. The lyrics translate: “Oh, you lovely Westerwald / Over your heights the wind whistles so cold / However, the slightest sunshine / Thrusts deep into the heart.” Groups who sing it add in the word _Eukalyptusbonbon_ or other silly phrases after the first line, something that matches the instrumental solo (“pink underpants” is one of the funniest I have heard a group sing). It is half as a joke that gets crazier as you get drunker, half as a way to keep the tempo as you sing, presumably very drunk. You can hear the full song here: <https://youtu.be/4GkZ_Ax1kMw>

**The 1939 _Verteidigungskrieg_** – Today we call this the Invasion of Poland, or in German “ _Überfall auf Polen_ ” (Attack on Poland … not “on Titan” haha!) At the time, Germany called it a _Verteidigungskrieg_ , Defensive War, claiming that Poland attacked them first. In reality, the Gestapo had set up a “false flag,” dressed up in Polish uniforms, seized a German radio tower near the border, and broadcast an anti-German message in Polish, all to make it look like Poland had invaded and attacked Germany first. The next morning, September 1, 1939, Hitler ordered the Wehrmacht to invade Poland. This marked the official beginning of World War II.

 **Dieppe Raid** – Jean was bragging about fighting during the Dieppe Raid. This was a precursor to D-Day that happened in 1942. Allies (mostly Canadians) attempted to land at the port of Dieppe, to gather intelligence, testing the feasibility of an amphibious landing, destroy German coastal defenses, and raise moral. Instead, it was a slaughter. Of the 10,500 troops sent, 4384 were killed, captured, or wounded. The Allies discovered many mistakes, which were fixed by the time they prepared to land in Normandy for D-Day.

**Schools of Metz** – Technical High School of Metz was nazified and renamed _SS-Nachrichtenschule_ (signal school, communications). Metz was also home to a _Kriegsschule_ (military school) and _Fahnenjunkerschule_ (officer cadet school).

_**Pfundkuchen**_ – pound cake. My best friend ate this for breakfast every morning in school. I shared it with her once, only to realize the hard way that I am deathly allergic to it. I have a severe egg yolk allergy, but as a kid I didn’t realize that my mother only ever baked angel food cake (no yolks). _Normal_ cake is fatal to me, let alone a yolk-heavy dessert like pound cake. (Angel food cake and vegan cake are yummy, though!)

**Hitler Youth and the League of German Girls** – In the manga, Gabi and Falco are 12 years old. This would place them at the right age for Hitler Youth ( _Hitlerjugend_ ) and League of German Girls ( _Bund Deutscher Mädel_ ) particularly the _Deutsches Jungvolk_ (German Youngsters) and the _Jungmädelbund_ (Young Girls’ League), two groups aimed at children 10-14. Membership was compulsory.

The children (boys and girls alike) were expected to do exercise, go camping, take up a sport (gymnastics or swimming for girls), perform feats of courage, and attend lectures that taught them how to be proper Aryans (i.e. Nazi indoctrination). This included pushing the boys into fields of politics, military, and leadership, while girls were trained for domestic roles, how to be strong mothers and obedient wives. Children were encouraged to turn against their parents and report any who seemed to be opposed to Hitler. Many Germans brought to the attention of the Gestapo were parents who had been turned in by their brainwashed children.

Girls received an emphasis on history, Germanic legends, music, traditional songs and dances, how to grow their own garden (many worked on a farm for their one-year mandatory “land service”), and other aspects of German culture, as they were expected to pass these traditions down to their children. Girls received many lectures about avoiding racial defilement (i.e. don't have sex with anyone who is not Aryan) while sex with pure Aryans was highly encouraged.

To the horror of many parents, girls were taught that concepts of “virginal purity” were nothing more than Jewish manipulations designed to lower the birthrate of Aryans. Frequent sex was seen as a way to keep men (especially soldiers) healthy and invigorated, and of course every good German girl had to do her part in the war effort. Out-of-wedlock pregnancies were no longer treated as a social disgrace, but highly encouraged, although many teen girls gave up their babies to be adopted by older German families. Promiscuity was so rampant, the 1936 Nuremberg Rally led to 900 girls from the _Bund Deutscher Mädel_ getting pregnant. They came to be nicknamed “ _Bund Deutscher Matratzen_ ” (The League of German Mattresses) and the BDM acronym was teasingly said to mean “ _Bubi Drück Mich_ ,” Laddie Press Me, as in “press me down into your mattress and goose-step into my Netherlands, it’s time to _**Fuck For The Führer!**_ ” … I’m going to Hell for that joke…

So, Gabi’s blunt statements about sex reflect that she listened to the older girls’ lectures a little too much. In general, Gabi represents the nationalistic fervor that youth groups in Germany instilled in children over many years.

Gabi’s line “We will fight to the very last man” was inspired by [a scene from “ _Der Untergang_ ”](https://youtu.be/LdqaZNfs1mk) spoken by a teen girl wearing her _Bund Deutscher Mädel_ scarf along with a soldier’s hard hat as she joins boys from Hitler Youth as young as 12 who are all blindly determined to defend Berlin against the Russians. In the final months of the war, many Hitler Youth and League of German Girls children were recruited into the military, often placed in locations that were guaranteed to get them killed (like anti-aircraft guns) but someone had to fill the spot. Tens of thousands died.

**Gestapo** – _Geheime Staatspolizei_ (Secret State Police), shortened to “Gestapo,” was in charge of looking into treason espionage, counterintelligence, suppressing anti-fascists and liberals, and dealing with religious clergy who denounced Hitler (especially Jehovah’s Witnesses, but a few Catholic and Protestant clergy were arrested by the Gestapo too). Movies, TV, video games, comics, and even some historians portray the Gestapo as the ultimate evil of Hitler’s forces, diehard Nazis who took sadistic pleasure in torturing everyone they arrested, with some history books claiming over 150,000 Gestapo spied on everyone in Germany, and the entire German population quaked in fear of them.

In reality, there were only 18,500 actively policing Gestapo. They were overworked and understaffed, forced to rely heavily on cooperation from members of the public (all those kids turning in their parents). They were mostly career police, the majority had not been members of the Nazi Party before Hitler took power, and party loyalty was even overlooked if the person had experience in police and bureaucracy. Most continued to work as detectives after the Nazis fell, and only a small handful (mostly in concentration camps and ghettos) were involved in torture.

Not saying there weren’t Gestapo who were sadistic assholes, _there definitely were_. Tales of Klaus Barbie mutilating women in Paris (Annie’s torture was based on his victims) or the brutality of the Gestapo in the Warsaw Ghetto are horrific on a scale that can hardly be comprehended. However, the general population of Germany _liked_ to know that the Gestapo were watching out for them. Thanks to a ton of Nazi propaganda, average Germans saw the Gestapo as nothing more than the friendly neighborhood detective. They did not live in fear of them, no more than someone in America fears every day that the FBI is going to knock on their door.

I mean, if you’re plotting to overthrow the government, of course you’d be terrified of the FBI, but even if you’ve done a ton of research into Nazis, ended up on a few extremist websites, stumbled upon some terrorist videos, and maaaaaybe once or twice bought an illegal weapon online, googled how to smuggle drugs onto an airplane, best poisons for assassination, and the best routes to sneak into the United States … yeah, nothing to worry about. (HELLO MR. FBI AGENT, SIR!)

Even the way Gestapo look in movies and TV is usually wrong. The now-iconic sinister black uniform—like _Where Eagles Dare_ , _Inglorious Basterds_ , _Hogan’s Heroes_ , the _Star Trek TOS_ episode “Patterns of Force,” and many WWII video games—was actually only worn pre-1942 by Allgemeine-SS reservists. In reality, Gestapo stationed in Germany wore plain civilian clothes, often a suit and tie with a black leather trench coat and fedora, so they did not bring attention to themselves. When in occupied countries, they wore gray SS uniforms, their rank (or at least SS equivalent) on the left-hand collar patch, but unlike the rest of the SS, the right-hand collar patch was plain black without insignia, as was the uniform cuffband. Gestapo agents in uniform wore police-pattern shoulderboards piped or underlaid in “poison green” ( _giftgrün_ ). A diamond-shaped black patch with “SD” ( _Sicherheitsdienst_ , or “Security Service”) in white was worn on the lower left sleeve. This way, troops in occupied territories did not mistake a member of the Gestapo with an average civilian. (Early in the war, the Wehrmacht shot a few Gestapo, thinking they were partisans, before the military and police finally made this choice.) Although dressed in SS uniforms, very few Gestapo were members of the SS.

In this story, Colt Grice is a _Kriminalassistent_ , sort of like a junior detective, which holds the equivalent SS rank of _Oberscharführer_ , which puts him higher ranked than Eren.

[ _https://military.wikia.org/wiki/Gestapo_ ](https://military.wikia.org/wiki/Gestapo)

**Metz Cathedral** – When Attila the Hun invaded Metz (then called Divodurum) in 451 AD, he burned it to the ground. The only thing left standing was a shrine to St. Étienne (known in English as St. Stephen). This became the site of the cathedral of St. Étienne, or just Metz Cathedral, which laid its very first stone 800 years ago in 1220. It is nicknamed “ _la Lanterne du Bon Dieu_ ” (The Good Lord’s Lantern) due to its 6,500 square meters of stained glass windows, the largest expanse of stained glass in the world, sending rainbow cascades of light all through the interior. It also has one of the highest naves in the world at 40 meters tall.

Over the centuries, the Metz Cathedral has morphed to reflect the politics around it. It has been, at various times, a French, Prussian and German church. In the 19th century, the church caught fire after some idiot set fireworks off from the roof. Modifications to the cathedral, including a new facade, served to promote the agendas of Prussian and German forces. The 20th century has seen more French artists adding to the collection of stained glass.

During the Battle of Metz, despite the Allies trying to avoid direct hits to the cathedral, the percussive blasts from bombs dropped on nearby targets damaged a few of the stained glass windows.

  
_(1944, the Metz Cathedral still stands amidst rubble)_

These were replaced in the 1950s by Cubist artist Jacques Villon and Jewish avant-garde artist Marc Chagall, who had to flee France when the Nazis invaded. (Chagall also created stained glass for the Cathedral of Reims, the UN building in America, the Jerusalem Windows in Israel, and did a painting for the ceiling of the Paris Opera House.) Today, the Cathedral of Metz is a breathtaking blend of medieval and contemporary art.

_(Modern stained glass in Metz by Villon and Chagall)_

* * *

**BIBLE TRANSLATIONS AND HOMOSEXUALITY**

As anyone who has ever had the misfortune of arguing with a homophobic Christian zealot knows, Leviticus 20:13 is sure to be brought up, declaring, according to some translations, “If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” ( _New International Version_ ) Or according to the _New Living Translation_ my husband got at some point, “If a man practices homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman, both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense.” Obviously, while the intent is similar, the words are very different, and what “practices homosexuality” means can be open to debate.

This one scripture has been used to justify murdering homosexuals for centuries. However, pro-LGBT Christians will point out that the original Hebrew text says ואיש אשר ישכב את־זכר משכבי אשה תועבה עשו שניהם מות יומתו דמיהם בם׃.

For those of us who don’t read Hebrew, the key word is זכר, _zā-ḵār_. _Zā-ḵār_ is used throughout the Bible in the phrase (using the King James Translation) “man-child,” such as Genesis 17:10, “Every man-child among you shall be circumcised.” So the Hebrew says (as directly translated as possible) “if a man lies with a man-child as he lies with a woman, an abomination they have committed, the two of them surely shall be put to death, their blood upon them.”

However, in English, it has also been translated as “man” or “mankind.” This leads to a debate. What does זכר ( _zā-ḵār_ ) mean, and how does historical context apply?

In 1522, Martin Luther translated the **Luther Bible** ( _Lutherbibel_ ) into German, and this scripture reads as the following: “ _Wenn jemand beim Knaben schläft wie beim Weibe_ ” (If anyone sleeps with a boy as with a woman). Luther decided _zā-ḵār_ implied a boy. It was translated differently in the **Elberfelder 1905 Bible** , which reads “ _Und wenn ein Mann bei einem Manne liegt, wie man bei einem Weibe liegt._ ” (And if a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman.) This and many English translations completely ignore that two separate words are used in Hebrew, איש and זכר, _îš_ and _zā-ḵār_ , man and man-child/mankind.

It all comes down to how you translate _zā-ḵār_. Is it specific to boys, or to all males? That is something open to debate, and I do not speak Hebrew. (Martin Luther was fluent in Hebrew. Just sayin’!)

As the years went on and Bible translations became a reflection of Western politics, the emphasis of Leviticus 20:13 moved away from sleeping with **boys** , to sleeping with **men** , until more modern English translations claim **all homosexuality** should be met with execution.

Now, if you may permit an Agnostic who went to Bible School for 24 years to make a theological argument:

Jesus Christ said that the Old Covenant – i.e. Leviticus and all ancient Hebrew laws – has ended, and he declared that he is the New Covenant. Literally, THE ENTIRE POINT of Jesus coming to Earth and dying was to be a perfect sacrifice, “eternal redemption for us” (Hebrews 9:12), so that he may become the New Covenant. If you’re a Christian, this detail is the most important aspect of your whole religion. (So pay attention!)

Jesus declared, the old laws were no more. Hebrews 8:13 says, “In speaking of a _new_ covenant, he has made the first one obsolete, and what is obsolete and aging will soon disappear.” After Jesus’ sacrifice, people did not have to watch what they ate, how they dressed, if they worked on Saturdays, or any of those obsolete rules of the Old Covenant. This is why Christians can eat bacon, wear polyester, women can wear trousers and pantsuits, men can shave their sidelocks, and circumcision is not a requirement. This is why I can work on this story (promoting gay people) on a Saturday (breaking the Sabbath) wearing cotton/spandex jammies (mixing fabrics) and my husband’s old shirt (women wearing men’s clothing) while eating pepperoni pizza (pork). According to the Old Covenant, I am a living ABOMINATION.

Some Christians still cling to a few of those old laws while agreeing that other Jewish laws do not apply. (Eat bacon but hate gays.) The thing is, you can’t randomly choose what scriptures to follow. God’s Word is not a pick-a-part junkyard.

If we can agree that the Old Covenant is obsolete, and all of those laws about food, clothing, and cutting off pieces of male genitals do not apply to Christians, then no matter how you translate _zā-ḵār_ in Leviticus 20:13, it is void. Obsolete. You can translate it however the hell you want, because it only applied to Jews.

“ _Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!_ ” (2 Corinthians 5:17) The old law is gone; no Christian discussion that uses solely the Old Testament is valid, because Christ represents the New Covenant, New Testament, New Laws. Like new wine and old wineskins (Mark 2:22) the two cannot be combined, and so you cannot randomly insert scriptures from Leviticus to make a Christian theological argument, for Christ’s death abolished the Old Law.

If you believe in Christ, you must believe he is the New Covenant and his sacrifice freed mankind from the Old Covenant. Therefore, Leviticus 20:13 can _never_ be used in a Christian argument, because to do so, to cling to the Old Covenant like an old wineskin, is to disrespect the Sacrifice of Christ.

If some homophobic person starts to scream about New Testament scriptures that seem to be against gay people, those also use Greek words with ambiguous translations. _Arsenokoitai_ (1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10) is an extremely rare, vague word some Bibles translate into English as _homosexual_ , but may contextually apply to gay rape, homosexual prostitutes, or the common Roman practice of pederasty. Just like _zā-ḵār_ in Leviticus 20:13, the intent of the word is not clear because it hold multiple meanings.

(Example: if I started my own religion and declared “Thou shalt not drink tea,” do I also mean oolong, or green tea, how about white tea, or red tea since it is not made from tea leaves, and would my law against tea also carry on to tisanes, herbal teas, does it apply to any concoction that is made by brewing a part of a plant in hot water, and what about Crystal Light or Mio drops that only flavor the water with sugar and coloring so they vaguely taste like sweet tea? _Tea_ is simply too vague of a term, especially when applying it to something that carries a death sentence.)

There are many Greek words that would have made it blatantly clear that what St. Paul meant was consensual same-sex relationships, but he did not use those words. Every time the Bible talks about something that Christians claim applies to gay sex, the terminology is so vague, theologians have spent entire books trying to figure out what the words might mean based on historical context.

In any case, Christ is an “eternal redemption for us,” so even if it is a sin, you are forgiven, perpetually. If you want to get pedantic about biblical prohibitions, St. Paul said women were not to cut their hair, wear gold, or speak a single word in church. So if your homophobic aunt doesn’t have hair past her butt, wears a gold wedding ring, and sings in the church choir or gossips with the other old biddies after the sermon, she is just as guilty of breaking New Testament laws as a man butt-fucking another man.

Throw _THAT_ at your homophobic relatives at the next family dinner!

(But maybe do _not_ tell them that it was an Agnostic who taught you that, haha!)

#  **MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

Happy birthday to Levi. Sorry you weren’t in this chapter. Next one!


	32. The Window in the Attic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the light of the moon shining through a small window of the attic, Levi tells Eren a little about his past, including his childhood, why he quit the military, and how he met his wife.

_Before we start, I got a lovely piece of fan art from[Yaoi-Lover-Bro of Eren and Levi on the walk to Metz](https://yaoi-lover-bro.tumblr.com/post/638810991357984768/wildrhov-i-hope-you-get-to-see-this-heres-the). If you look closely, Eren has blood on his left leg from getting shot by Americans, but he still has a smile on his face, so happy to be alone with Levi... and doped AF on meth, haha! _ _The suspenders are kinda hot, no? By total coincidence, I have a flat cap in the exact same style and color as Levi’s in this picture. It got packed away when I moved off the farm; I gotta find it and pull it out. It’s such an amazing feeling, being able to inspire talented artists._

* * *

Eren reached the officer’s hotel, climbed the stairs to the fourth floor, but a group of men were standing near his door. For a few seconds, utter dread engulfed Eren, and his heart pounded at the horrific thought of Levi being caught by Gestapo hiding up in the attic. However, the men were laughing as they passed around a photograph of a scantily clad woman. They glanced over as Eren approached.

“Pardon,” Eren said. “That’s my room.”

One of the soldiers leaped forward. “You must be the new guy who just arrived today. Welcome to the Lieutenant’s Floor.” The others laughed, as if this was a great joke. The blond officer shot his hand out. “The name’s Holger.”

Eren shook his hand. “Eren Jäger.”

“Great to meet you, Jäger. These are Surma, Wim, Phil, Samuel, Daz, Oliver, and the stern guy over there is Griez.”

Eren nodded to the group of men. “Nice to meet you all.”

“Bringing food back?” Surma asked, pushing up his oval glasses as he eyed the paper bag.

Griez scoffed, “You should eat with the officers, not alone in your room.”

Eren looked down at the paper wrapping. “Ah, this is just … I was out with my platoon, we drank so much, I know I’ll probably vomit. I asked for a sandwich to go, so I can eat after my stomach wages an insurrection.”

“And another beer to defeat the hangover,” Samuel teased.

Eren laughed. “And cookies to exterminate the taste.”

They all laughed, and Holger pounded him on the back.

“Eat with us tomorrow after roll call,” Holger offered.

Griez said, “Yeah, stick with us, and I’ll show you the really nice restaurants where officers go.”

Oliver had a welcoming smile. “It’d be nice to have another lieutenant in our group.”

“That sounds like fun,” Eren said, happy to get to know more officers. “How long have you men been here?”

Griez scoffed. “I’ve been here since 1942.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Not again!”

Griez ignored him. “All the rest of these invaders to my territory arrived over the past two weeks, and I was forced to move into this hotel.”

Daz grimaced and dramatically threw his hands up. “There he goes, thinking he’s the King of Metz just because he’s practically married to one of the locals.”

Griez snapped, “Hey, we’re gonna get married after the war. She already accepted my proposal.”

“Sure, sure,” the men laughed. “And that’s why she took off on you.”

“She left to the countryside for safety, dimwit!”

“How about you, Jäger?” asked Holger. “Do you have someone special?”

“Ah…” Eren looked down at the bag of food. “Well…”

Phil waved the picture of the sexy model. “Maybe you want a night with her and your hand.”

The men roared in laughter.

Another set of footsteps came up from behind. “Jäger.”

They turned and saw Ian Dietrich and Gunther Schultz just coming up the stairs.

“ _Oberleutnant_ ,” Eren greeted. “Men, this is Dietrich and Schultz. We served in the same company over the summer.”

“Cheers,” the men shouted.

Holger went right up to Gunther, already inviting him to go out drinking tomorrow, but Ian stepped up sternly to Eren.

“The company is having an assembly at 0800. Have your platoon ready.”

“My platoon is going to be hungover,” Eren said with an apologetic laugh.

Ian cracked a tiny smile. “Mine as well. However, at roll-call earlier, there were men missing.”

“I noticed that. Milieus Müller is nowhere to be found,” he said, thinking about how Levi had killed three soldiers for trying to rape women, including Milieus.

“ _Hauptmann_ Woermann wants to know if anyone saw anything, if they were lost, attacked, or ran away.”

“Very well. My platoon shall be ready for inspection.”

“Good. So, are you staying on this floor?”

“Ah,” he said, looking around. “Yeah, it seems a bit lively.”

“Indeed. I’ll be in room 415 if anything happens.” He glanced at the group as they burst into laughs. “Maybe try to convince these men to keep it quiet after hours.”

Eren laughed. “I doubt _the new guy_ has much authority. You outrank us, _Herr Oberleutnant_.”

“True, but I don’t want to have to pull rank on my first night here.”

Ian Dietrich continued down the hall. Not wanting to be the poor sport who told others to keep it quiet, Eren merely excused himself, now that the group had Gunther to talk to, and he went into his room.

He locked the door behind him, leaned against it, and let out a sigh. The attack earlier had not hurt him, but it had shocked him. Luckily, he still had increased strength and energy from the Pervitin, otherwise he might have not acted fast enough. Not paying attention as he walked around Metz at night had been foolish of him, especially after Colt’s warning. However, his head was full of new information, new places, new people, a whole new view on his Christian faith.

Everything was changing here in Metz, and it made him smile.

He threw off his peaked cap, took off his boots, and removed his uniform tunic. He wore only a drab cotton shirt underneath. Eren rubbed out his thigh. That long walk had felt good to clear his head, but his fast pivot during the fight yanked some stiff scabs on his leg, and it felt like it might be bleeding again. The Pervitin had numbed the pain for the past two days, but as it faded away, the sensations to the gash on his thigh came back.

First, he wanted to make sure Levi got supper. He climbed up on the chair under the attic door, pushed it open as quietly as possible, and pulled himself up. No sooner had his head popped through the opening than a knife was at his throat, the blade sharp against his skin.

“Levi!” he whispered.

The knife pulled back. “Sorry. I wasn’t taking chances.”

Eren sighed, but he did not blame Levi for being cautious. “Here.” He tossed the paper-wrapped food over.

Levi sheathed his knife, took the wrapped up food, but his hand suddenly yanked back. He sniffed a wet spot and looked up sharply at Eren.

“Blood? What the hell did you get me?”

“Blood? It should be a chicken sandwich.” Then he thought. “The attack. I didn’t know blood got on the food. I’m so sorry. I can buy you another.”

“It’s just a speck, and _what attack_?” he snapped.

“It’s nothing. Some idiot thought he could mug me.”

Levi shook his head. “Damn, not even one day in this city and you get yourself into trouble. Are you okay?”

“I wasn’t injured at all, don’t worry.”

“If you say so,” Levi muttered.

“Let me grab the drink.”

Eren leaped back down and went to where he had placed the beer bottle. He checked it, and sure enough, there were tiny specks of blood on it as well. There was also a speck on his tunic and congealing blood on his gun. He would have to clean everything later. First, he wanted to make sure Levi got his food.

After wiping the bottle clean, he climbed back up into the attic with the beer. Levi was inspecting the paper-wrapped meal.

“That’s a lot of food,” he muttered. He sniffed the wrapped up sweet loaf. “Is this a cake?”

“ _Pfundkuchen._ It’s for breakfast, since I might not make it back here for a while. I have to get up early for an assembly.” He decided not to mention that the subject of the meeting were the men who seemingly vanished without a trace.

Levi crawled quietly across the floor and over to a spot he had made for himself by a tiny window. As the clouds moved away from the moon, a beam of silver lit up the spot. Levi had pulled out two beaten leather chairs, a tiny table of richly carved mahogany that looked like it came from Napoleon’s time, and with an ample amount of old duvets and quilts, he arranged a fairly comfortable bed that was hidden away, tucked inside a wall of boxes, so if anyone came up into the attic, they would not easily see Levi as he slept.

“This is nice,” said Eren.

“For an attic,” Levi grumbled. “At least I have it to myself. I can take a shit without fifteen other people watching me. Talking about shit, I could use a bucket or something while I’m here.”

“I’ll find you one.” He saw the Tanakh on the small table. “Finally, I don’t have to carry that around everywhere to protect it.”

“I fetched it out of your bag,” said Levi.

“You went back down for it?” Eren said in surprise. “How did you make it back up?”

Levi pointed toward the opening and a rope ladder now laid out on the ground. “I found that nearby. It looks handmade. The bedding was also already set up, although it was so dusty, I didn’t dare use those blankets. Still, it’s pretty obvious that someone lived up here.”

“I wonder if it was another Jew,” Eren mused. “Apparently, there’s a lot of French Resistance activity in Metz.”

“That’s good to know,” Levi muttered. “I’d rather _not_ use them, but they may know escape routes.”

Eren hummed, not liking the idea of getting involved with the Resistance again.

“For the record,” Levi said in a quiet voice, “the fact that you got _that_ room shows that you have the devil’s luck. There are five openings to this attic. Two seem to be sealed, the third has a pile of boxes on top. So only your room and one other lead up to here. I’ll see if I can block that other entrance tomorrow after everyone is gone.”

“It’s the Will of God,” Eren muttered.

Levi glanced over sharply. “God?”

He shrugged, still thinking about the revelation in the cathedral. “I think God meant for this to happen. All of it. I think this is all destined, part of God’s plan.”

Levi thought back to the priest in Fischbach and what he had said. “ _I don’t believe in luck. I believe in miracles, destiny, and the Will of God._ ”

Eren sat in the chair next to Levi, across the fancy small table. His eyes drunk in Levi’s moonlit features as he opened up the sandwich and carefully inspected it, making sure none of the blood soaked through. He still wore the stained, drab clothing he had all summer, but the flat cap added a little charm to him.

“It looks good.”

Levi glared and slowly pulled the food closer to himself. “If you wanted some, you should have bought yourself a sandwich. This one’s mine.”

“No, no, I mean your hat. You’re still wearing it. It looks good.”

Levi shrugged off the compliment without even a tiny smile. “It’s a bit big, but it keeps my head warm.” He finally took a bite of the sandwich and hummed in surprise as he found it tasted pretty good. Then again, they were in a French city, and France had the best chefs in the world. “So, where did your clothes go, the ones you were wearing on our walk to Metz?”

“Oh. I guess they’re in a bag; I’m not really sure. I haven’t had a chance to unpack.”

“It looked good on you. Far better than your normal distasteful get-up.”

Eren pouted while privately wanting to laugh that Levi felt comfortable enough to insult a Wehrmacht uniform. He looked so smug saying it too, taking another bite and glaring across the way at Eren, as if daring him to argue back. Instead, they both ended up gazing at each other in the darkness, gray eyes and teal locked together, while Levi slowly chewed his bite.

Eren’s eyes drifted down, watching the way Levi’s lips made tiny, adorable puckers with each bite. As he swallowed, Eren watched the way Levi’s throat moved.

How he would love to lick that throat!

His eyes snapped away, feeling ashamed to have let his thoughts drift to something like that. Across the table, Levi wondered what Eren must have imagined. He almost wished they had a candle to light up Eren’s features so he could see that boyish blush, but he knew any light was dangerous.

Eren suddenly perked up. “Hey!”

“Quiet, idiot!” Levi hissed.

Eren dropped his voice back to a whisper. “You have that Jewish Bible there. Can you look up Leviticus?”

Levi’s face drew a blank. “Leviticus? What the hell is a Leviticus?”

Eren’s mouth dropped. “What do you mean? The Tanakh is the Jewish Bible, right? You would have the Book of Leviticus.”

“Book?” Levi shook his head. “The names of our books are not always the same as the Latin Christians use. Like the very first one: you guys call it Genesis, we call it _Bereshit._ ” He gazed warily at Eren. “Why? What’s in Leviticus?” he asked, biting into the sandwich.

Eren wondered if bringing up his discovery was appropriate, or if like Levi warned earlier, it was _moving too fast_. “I was wondering what the original Hebrew said about a certain scripture. I stopped by the cathedral earlier, and I discovered that there are many translations of the Bible. Some are very, very different from one another.”

Levi scoffed and swallowed down his bite. “Christians keep translating it into dozens of languages; of course it’s going to get fucked up. Even if you told me precisely where to look, I don’t read Hebrew very well. I might be able to make out the words, but if it’s something that can be translated many ways, I wouldn’t know the subtleties of the language.”

“Oh,” Eren mumbled. “Well, there’s a difference in Hebrew between man and boy, right?”

“Sure. There’s _adam_ , of course.”

“ _Adam_ means _man_? You mean, God named the first man _Man_? That's like naming your cat Katze.”

“I guess God wasn’t good at naming his pets. Then there’s _ish_ , _geber_ , _enash_ , and for boy there’s _yalad_ , _naar_ , _bachar_ , or _avil_. There are different words, slightly different meanings, but like I said, I don't know the language well enough to grasp the subtleties.”

“So, when the Bible uses the word _boy_ , it definitely means someone who is young, right? But it could be translated many different ways into German.”

Levi shrugged. “I would assume so. I don’t know German, and I barely understand Hebrew.”

Eren nodded in satisfaction. Of course, there would be a difference!

“Why?” asked Levi. “Are you worried about how God will punish a naughty little boy like you for all those dirty thoughts you have?”

Eren blurted out, “Do you really think of me as a boy?”

“Keep your voice down,” Levi muttered. “This attic echoes. And you’re a brat.”

“But, do you think of me as a little boy? As a child?”

“You _are_ a child.”

“Then you don’t see me as a man?”

Levi paused in his eating and eyed Eren curiously. “What is this about?”

Eren scooted a little closer, gazing intently at him. “Do you see me as a boy, or as a man?”

Levi was ready to insult him again, but he saw the seriousness in Eren’s face. Whatever this was about, it weighed on the soldier’s heart. With a sigh, he admitted, “I see you for what you are, an adult. Immature and naïve, maybe, but … you’re a man.”

Eren smiled, not sure why he felt relieved. Maybe because God only cursed men who slept with boys, and so if Levi saw him as a boy, perhaps God’s curse would fall upon him. If he saw Eren as a man, then that was fine.

“What’s going through that head of yours?” Levi whispered. He shrugged it off, letting Eren have his odd worries. “So, did you kill someone?”

“Huh?” Eren asked, caught off-guard.

“The blood on my sandwich. You said you were attacked. Did you kill him?”

“Oh. Yeah, they’re dead.”

“They? More than one? How many attacked you?”

“I don’t know. Ten.”

“ _Te_ -…” Levi’s shout was instantly quieted down to a whispered hiss. “Ten! You killed ten men?”

“No, just two. The others ran off.”

“What the bloody hell happened?”

Eren told him the story, and while he related the details of the attack, Levi ate his chicken sandwich. He had to admit, it was delicious food with a mustard that tingled his tongue. He ate up every crumb, although he was careful not to lick the paper that had wrapped it up, still seeing in the moonlight those droplets of congealed blood.

“So, you went to a church? I hope you confessed your sins, all the shit you did yesterday.”

“I’m sorry about that, really. If there’s any way to make us even.”

Levi thought about it. “There is.” He stood up. “Get on your knees.”

Eren obeyed, figuring the least he could do was beg for forgiveness on his knees.

“Now, cover your mouth.”

Eren raised an eyebrow. “My mouth?”

“Yes. Cover it, with both hands.”

Eren was confused, but maybe this was a Jewish thing. He placed both hands in front of his mouth.

“Tighter. Press your hands against your lips.”

He obeyed, pushing his hands to his mouth. Suddenly, Levi gave a swift kick to Eren’s head. He let out a scream of pain, but with his hands covering his mouth, the yell was muted.

“You hit me over the head yesterday. Hard! Now we’re even.”

Eren rubbed out his head. “That seriously hurt.”

“Then maybe next time, you won’t hit me.”

He scowled petulantly, but he accepted it as punishment. “Is that all? Anything else to make us equal again?”

“We’ve never been _equal_ , _takhshet_. You’re my captor. I’m your prisoner.” He sat back by the window and took the beer bottle Eren bought for him. “Open this for me.”

Eren was still rubbing out his head as he grabbed the bottle and lifted the metal lever on top that cracked open the seal. Then he handed it back to Levi.

“Is that how it works?” Levi muttered.

“Have you never had bottled beer?”

“This is France. We drink wine.” He took a sip and grimaced. “Really, how can you drink something so bitter?”

“I’ll bring you a bottle of wine next time.”

“Just make sure I have water,” he grumbled, still drinking, but making a face. “I’m going to have to rely on you. I hate that.”

“I know,” Eren said with a tiny smile.

“Don’t look so happy about it,” Levi muttered.

Eren shrugged. “I want to take care of you. I feel like I need to, like I deserve it as punishment.”

“Oh? Is keeping me alive that much of a burden?”

“I don’t mean that. It’s just … you said, Abel’s last words were for me to take care of you. I killed him, and that blood will always be on my hands. My punishment for that sin is to take care of you. I can keep you up here for a while, and I will bring you food, water, whatever you need.”

Eren looked down at his right hand. There were still streaks of dried blood from the man who tried to mug him. Shooting a thief like that was easy; shooting an innocent man like Abel tortured his soul.

“It’s the least I can do,” he whispered, and his voice quavered. “His face still tortures me.”

“Good,” Levi grunted.

“I don’t see how you can do it, slit someone’s throat, take their life with your own hands, not in a battle but one-on-one, and then simply walk away.”

“Practice,” Levi grumbled into his bottle of beer.

Eren looked at the small man in front of him. “How many people have you killed?”

“Enough so I stopped counting before I was sixteen.”

“That young?” Eren cried out.

“Quiet!” Levi sighed at Eren’s forgetfulness. “After my mother died, I lived on the streets of Paris.” He gazed out at the darkness, remembering those grimy early years. “I killed my fair share before it was my _job_ to kill others. Slitting a throat, stabbing a back: it was how I got dinner.”

Eren shook his head. “You had a rough life. You’re strong.”

“I had to be, or I would have died.”

Eren’s eyes landed on the Tanakh again. “So, talking about your mother, did she take you to church, or synagogue? I mean, she doesn’t sound like the religious sort.”

“What, just because she was a prostitute?”

Eren opened his mouth to protest, but that was precisely what he meant.

“You’re right, my mother wasn’t really religious—I’ve never even stepped foot in a synagogue nor had a _bar mitzvah—_ but she would read from the Tanakh on holy days. She taught me Yiddish and the Hebrew alphabet, but she warned me to only speak French and never tell anyone that I was Jewish. Even back then, we were hated.”

“How did she die?”

“ _La grippe espagnole_.”

“ _Die spanische Grippe_ ,” Eren said to himself. The Spanish Flu. It was the reason he had no other relatives. They had all been killed in the Great War or died of influenza.

“I was ten years old. I was raised by an uncle, who later abandoned me, so I learned how to survive on my own. All I have left of my childhood is my mother’s Tanakh.” He placed his hand on the worn cover of the book. “More than once, I sold this book to get money to buy food, only to return to the shop and steal it back.”

Eren laughed at the cleverness. “How did you go from that to a soldier, and then a broom maker?”

“That was a long journey,” he admitted. “I got off the streets by joining the military. I didn’t just want to enlist, I wanted to escape, so I became an officer. I made a name for myself in French Cameroon, and shortly after that, I was approached about a job opportunity working with the Deuxième Bureau.”

“I knew it,” Eren cried out. “You actually _were_ a spy!”

“Spy, assassin, whatever they needed me for. In 1929, my job brought me to England, working with the SIS.”

“That’s why you know British slang,” Eren realized.

“It’s why I learned English in the first place. I lived there off and on for eight years. It’s a nice country overall, but it’s cold, wet, and London was too crowded, filled with pollution and crime. It reminded me of all the worst of Paris.”

“Are … Are you still a spy?” Eren asked, wondering if all of this, the whole summer, was a long game played by the Deuxième Bureau.

“If I was, I might have to kill you for asking.” He was amused when Eren looked momentarily worried. “No, I got out of that years ago.”

“You once told me, you liked being a soldier.”

“Military life suited me. I could’ve made a lifelong career out of it.”

“Then why leave?”

“I was bad at following orders,” he muttered, although Levi knew that was not really the truth. “I wasn’t given much of a choice after my last mission. I had been assigned to work with some SIS agent who took his job a little too seriously. We were sent to Poland, assassinate an ambassador, leave no witnesses, standard job. One of the maids had brought her daughter along, not even ten years old. She saw me slit her mother’s throat. I grabbed her but … I couldn’t do it,” Levi whispered glaring as he remembered the scared face of that little girl who did not fully understand what was going on. “I let her go, but that SIS bastard wasn’t about to go against his orders. He pulled his gun on her, I slit his throat, and then I helped the girl to a monastery. As the nuns took her in, I realized I was done with that life. Killing as a soldier, that’s one thing. Even mugging people on the streets, that’s just the brutality of survival, but that maid? Her only crime was getting a damn good job with the wrong old man. I quit before they had a chance to kick me out, and I escaped into the countryside before they could try to arrest me.”

“Wouldn’t they come after you?” Eren asked in concern.

“Hunt down France’s best assassin?” Levi let out a scoffing laugh. “Only if they’re idiots.”

Eren had to chuckle, feeling a warm sense of pride as he gazed at Levi’s profile in the moonlight. Levi really must have been the best, to be sent to work with other nations and travel all over Europe like that. “So, you ran away to the countryside? Didn’t you want to stay in the city?”

“Fuck no. I hated Paris, plus I didn’t want the SIS to do anything stupid. If I vanished into the countryside, they were less likely to send someone after me. I found a village that was barely on the map, and I had enough money to buy a little house. I don’t know how I ended up a broom maker. I learned the trade somewhere, can’t remember. The village I landed in lacked good brooms, so I made them. That’s where I met a lovely young woman named Petra Ral.”

“Your wife,” Eren realized, interested to hear more, but also knowing this part of Levi’s past would be hard to listen to.

Levi took a long drink of beer and gazed up at the moonlight, thinking back to those idyllic days. “She needed a broom for her mother. She kept coming back, not to buy brooms, but to see me. I didn’t know how to act around a woman. We didn’t meet many in the military or the Bureau, and living on the streets, the girls were as vicious as the boys. She was different, tough but refined, brave enough to talk to someone like me. It was … nice … flirting with a woman and it wasn’t part of the job. God knows what she saw in me, but she kept coming back. We courted a bit, but she insisted, if I wanted to sleep with her, I had to marry her. So I did.”

“You married her purely so you could sleep with her?” Eren asked, aghast at the reasoning.

“Also because I knew I would never get a woman as good as her. She was way too good for some former _rat d’égout_ like me. Plus I didn’t want her to end up like my mother: pregnant, outcast, alone. I wanted to take care of her, and I knew any children she had would be beautiful. She wasn’t very religious, but her family was Catholic. With a name like Levi Ackerman, it was pretty clear that I was Jewish by heritage, and they hated me for that.”

“You said before, your marriage was controversial.”

“Of course it was. I was Jewish, and the French hated Jews even back then. They just weren’t as kill-happy as the Germans.”

Eren dropped his head, sad to hear that Levi faced that sort of hatred his whole life.

“So, that’s how I settled into a quiet life, with a nice home, a modest job, and a beautiful wife. I figured we could raise our children to believe in some greater power without the annoyance of religion, and whatever they picked, Jew or Catholic or nothing at all, it was fine by me. For some reason, Petra became interested in Jewish culture, far more than I was. She loved hearing me speak in Yiddish, something I hadn’t done much since I was a child. She kept inviting other Jews over for dinner, saying I needed to make more friends.” Levi rolled his eyes at that idea, but Eren chuckled quietly.

“She sounds like a good woman.”

“She was,” Levi said with a distant, fond glow in his eyes. “Those first two years—”

His throat clenched as sour bile shot up from his stomach at memories so beautiful, they burned like acid now. He swallowed it down with a gulp of beer. It took him a moment, looking up at the moonlight, struggling to push past the pain and keep talking.

“She wanted a family, I was more than happy to oblige, but on the first pregnancy, she lost the baby. Ironically, that was in September 1939, just a week after we heard the news about Germany invading Poland. She needed some time—the miscarriage really hit her hard—then a few months later, Germany invaded France. We thought the war would bypass us, no armies came to our village, we were small, and even as France fell and signed the armistice, we figured it wouldn’t bother us. Until we found out … one of the stipulations of the armistice was that France had to hand over records on all of its Jews to the Nazis. They knew I existed, but they didn’t know where I went. That is, until Petra’s parents turned me in.”

Eren’s mouth dropped.

“Yeah, they _really_ didn’t like me. I had to leave. I told Petra to stay there. Hell, I feared her parents would hunt me down themselves if I took her with me. She insisted on coming.”

“She was loyal,” Eren said, glad to hear that Levi had someone like that in his life.

“To a fault. We managed to hide, going place to place, trying to figure out how the hell we could escape. Then once, we had been living in a basement for about a month, and she went to buy food, since she had all the proper paperwork to prove her heritage. The Gestapo came while she was gone; me and the family who took us in were arrested. Even as they handcuffed me, I was just glad that she wasn’t around.”

Eren remembered when they first met, Levi said, _Don’t think you’re the first German soldier to capture me. You probably won’t be the last, either._

“We were taken to an internment camp where the Gestapo had rounded up thousands of Jews. They were preparing to throw us onto a train, probably to our deaths. Then Petra showed up, flirting with the guards—God, she was so gorgeous, they were falling over each other for her! Somehow, she convinced them that I wasn’t a Jew at all, but her _retarded little brother_. I played along, she began to cry, they all tripped over themselves for her, and she got me out of there just as the train pulled in.”

“That was brave of her,” Eren whispered.

“She was always brave,” Levi said proudly, but his eyes grew sad. “I was impressed. When I worked with the Deuxième Bureau, there were times when I had to act a part.”

Eren recalled when Levi acted like a French shepherd in front of American soldiers, thoroughly convincing them to the point where they even showed him where their troops were so his “bah-bah black sheep” would not get spooked. It had been a shocking performance out of the normally stoic man.

“Seeing her act, though? The world is lucky she was never a spy. No man could resist her … and neither could I after that.” His throat choked again, and Levi shook his head. “I loved her even more because she came back for me, and … we…”

He struggled, and Eren saw a stinging pain in his face. He reached over in concern and put a hand on Levi’s arm, letting him know he was there for him.

“While we were on the run, we rarely made love. I was too scared, not just to make noise, but to get her pregnant and what that might mean for us. On that day, because she had to travel into the city, we got a hotel for a week, and … well, that’s when she got pregnant again. I begged her to go back to her parents where it was safe, but … as I said, she was brave. She stayed with me, and I was both _happy_ and _terrified_. As she got larger, I knew we had to do something. We couldn’t keep living in basements and closets with a baby. We found a group who were smuggling Jews out, they promised us safe passage, but before we could reach Switzerland, the whole group was caught. If she had not been pregnant, they likely would have let her live, but _because_ she was pregnant with the baby of a Jew … with _my_ baby…” He sneered and his eyes darkened.

“You told me,” Eren whispered in grief. That must have ripped Levi’s heart apart, surviving for so long, worrying so much, thinking he was on his way to freedom, only for the very worst to happen, to have his wife killed and his unborn child mutilated in front of his face.

“I used to think, it was like I killed her. If she hadn’t been pregnant, she would have been just another one of the women.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Eren said immediately.

“I know, but it _felt_ like it was. If I hadn’t gotten her pregnant, if I had never married her in the first place, never flirted with her, never talked to her, just sold her the damn broom and chased her away … fuck it all, it _felt_ like it was my fault,” he sneered, and Eren heard the emotions tightening his throat. “So when they sterilized me, I didn’t care. At least I would never damn another woman.” His head dropped and he rubbed his eyes as if merely frustrated; Eren was pretty sure he was wiping aside tears. “I admit, I sometimes wonder if that’s why I’m okay with … _this_. With you.”

“Because I can’t get pregnant?” Eren asked with a slight frown.

“Not that it made me want men, but … but more like, I’d never want a woman after that. No woman could ever compare to her. So if I’m going to fall for someone…” He left the thought hanging. “That’s shitty of me, isn’t it?”

Eren shrugged, unsure what he felt about that. Sure, this was a deep emotional trauma that Levi still had nightmares about, and he would probably always grieve for the woman he loved, but Eren also did not want to feel like he was merely some _alternative_.

“Not that I’ve fallen for you,” Levi quickly clarified. “I’m still figuring this out, so don’t think that yet.”

That persistent contrariness made Eren want to chuckle.

“Anyway, that was my married life. Petra was brave, brilliant, and way too good for a man like me. The only stupid thing she ever did was stay by my side.”

“You’re a lucky man.”

“No. I’m a _cursed_ man. So many people I’ve known, killed right in front of me.”

Eren flinched as the scene with Abel flashed through his mind.

“Her death changed everything. How _dare they_ kill her for a religion she wasn’t a part of and I didn’t even care about! Purely to spit in Hitler’s face, I became interested in religion for the first time in my life. I met a rabbi along the way who taught me how to read Hebrew, and I began to read my mother’s Tanakh. Any Jews I met along the way, I begged them to teach me the prayers and chants, and I memorized the holy words. Some of my companions were impressed with my studies and urged me to become a rabbi after this is all over, but no. Fuck no! I’m beyond that level of redemption. The guilt in my heart weighs heavier with each death, and my hatred for those who murdered Petra will never soothe away, no matter how much religious solace I slather on.”

Eren squeezed Levi’s hand. “What _would_ you like to do after this is all over? Go back to making brooms?”

“No. Factories make them cheaper now, and soon there will be no broom makers anymore. I have a dream, though. Petra and I would talk about it, but she felt it was silly. It probably was, in such a small village, but maybe it would work in a big city like New York.”

Eren eagerly wanted to talk about their dreams of the future rather than the horrors of the past. “What is it?”

Levi grumbled, “Why should I tell you?”

“Because I want to know.”

“You’ll laugh like she did.”

“Come on, tell me, tell me.”

“Idiot,” he sighed. “Fine. I like to drink tea. When I worked in England, I picked it up, and I really enjoyed it. France may have the best wines in the world, but we have shitty tea. So I would like to open a tea shop.”

That shocked Eren. A picture popped into his head, maybe from a movie he saw, of a man in a tuxedo pouring tea for a duchess. “I honestly can’t imagine you serving tea.”

“I’ll brew you a cup one day. Until then, shut your mouth.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You implied plenty with that remark.” Levi tipped back the beer bottle and finished it off. “The sandwich was good, the beer was shitty.”

“Did you try the cookies?”

“Cookies?” Levi cried out. He then saw the bag set aside. “You brought me _cookies_?”

“I thought they might cheer you up. It seems you need it,” he muttered.

Levi opened the small bag and pulled out a large, thick cookie, pulling it into the stream of moonlight. He stared at the cookie for a long time.

“Is that okay?” Eren asked, wondering why he was only staring.

“I haven’t had a cookie since … since Petra.” An anguished smile flickered on his face and vanished. “She made cookies all the time. I got a bit sick of them. She was horrible at it too. They always had too much salt, or they’d be burnt on the bottom.”

He shook his head to chase away those thoughts of the past and, with determination, bit into the cookie. Eren watched eagerly, hoping to see a genuine smile. Instead, Levi stared forward, not swallowing yet.

“Is it okay?” Eren asked in anticipation.

After a moment, Levi kept chewing and finally gulped it down. “It’s good,” he whispered with a tense throat. He took another bite and chewed. “Real good.”

Eren saw that this was also painful, and maybe Levi needed a night to reflect, remember, mourn, and simply be on his own for once. He stood and straightened his clothes.

“I have to wake up early. Do you need to use the toilet before we close up for the night?”

Levi set the cookie down. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Eren gathered up the trash and empty bottle. “I’ll get you a cup of water to wash the cookie down.”

They were cautious crawling back to the attic opening. Levi took the rope ladder and swung it over hooks in the floor that held it in place. Then Eren climbed down, and Levi came after him. He headed to the bathroom, and Eren searched through his bags. He found his cooking gear, which included a metal cup for coffee and soup. After Levi came out of the bathroom, Eren filled his metal cup with water from the sink and handed it to Levi.

“If you need anything more, let me know.”

“As I said, I’ll eventually need a bucket. I can’t always go down into your room. Even now, it is dangerous. If you have someone in your room and I really have to go, I don’t want to shit in the corner.”

“I’ll find something.”

They both paused, Eren unwilling to say goodnight, and Levi dreading spending a night alone with the demons that haunted his dreams. Slowly, Eren reached forward, tenderly taking Levi’s hand.

Levi looked down at the hesitant touch. Without his uniform, this was _just Eren_ again. He stretched his fingers out, and they interlaced with that warm, rough hand. He glanced up and saw the relieved warmth in Eren’s face. Every action was nervous again. That horny, bluntly honest version was gone, faded with the drugs.

Levi rather liked this version of Eren. He seemed more innocent this way, although Levi knew now that Eren’s private desires ran deeper than just holding hands.

“May I kiss you goodnight?”

Levi’s eyes turned sharply to the door.

“It’s locked,” Eren assured him. “No one will see.”

He still had to think about it, but he looked up with a very faint softness in his eyes.

“You may,” he whispered.

Eren could barely help but break into a smile, only to struggle reigning it in. He leaned in, and Levi closed his eyes as he tipped up his head in anticipation. He felt a warm breath still sweet from a night of drinking, and lips softly pressed against his.

Eren gave him a brief peck on the lips and immediately pulled back. Levi’s head remained there, lips waiting, expecting more. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Eren had already pulled away. Eren smiled at seeing Levi looking slightly disappointed.

“Is that considered _not moving fast_?” he asked in amusement.

Levi snapped out of his perplexed look and forced a scowl into its place. “You still need to practice kissing.”

“Oh? Is that an offer?” Eren asked playfully.

“Maybe it is,” Levi whispered with a glint in his eyes.

That surprised and delighted Eren. His hand began to reach forward, but Levi turned sharply. He grabbed up the metal cup of water as he strode back to the rope ladder.

“Goodnight.”

“Wh-What?” Eren cried out, just as he had begun to hope that Levi wanted to kiss more.

Not looking back around so he would not show Eren his haughty smirk, Levi climbed into the attic, pulled the ladder up, and closed the hatch.

Eren let out a sputtering sigh of frustration, but he had to smile. He would get to banter like this with Levi every evening … at least until he was forced to leave.

Up in the attic, Levi chuckled silently to himself. Such a brat! He crept over the attic floorboards, cautious not to let any creak, and made it back to the small window. The cookies were still there wrapped in paper, and the sweet cake loaf. As nice as it would be to eat all of this now, he had to conserve whatever he could, just in case Eren could not bring him food. At least in the dungeon, he was guaranteed two bowls of soup a day. He had no such assurances here.

Still, one cookie had two bites in it, so he figured he might as well eat that one now. He took another bite, still surprised by the taste.

Petra’s cookies never turned out this good, but the fact that her cooking was so bad made the food memorable. He would never taste anything quite like her salty, half-burned cookies that had the occasional strand of auburn hair baked into them.

Petra’s cookies had been salty, just as the memory of her was like salt in a wound, yet they had been memorable for how horrible they were, just as their brief and troubled romance was memorable for the passion and the atrocities. Eren’s cookies were sweet and soft, just as the thought of him was sweet, and the warmth of his kisses softened Levi’s frozen heart.

Both were good cookies in their own ways.

Tears stung his eyes as he used a scrap of linen to tie up the cake and other cookies. He took another bite, and his throat trembled at the tension he needed to hold back his sobs. When he was around other Jews, he had felt the continuous need to be strong, to be the emotionally cold, calculating soldier, ready to fight to protect others, and never allowed to be the grieving widow. Now, all of that was gone, there was no one to act brave for, just him alone in this massive attic.

Yet a new thing restricted his grief: the immense danger there was in his predicament. He could not openly sob, lest someone hear him.

He had been sloppy, talking to Eren for so long up here. He was not sure how much sound traveled between the attic and the rooms below. He had tried to whisper the whole time, but it was still careless. Once he started talking about Petra, though…

He had barely let himself think about her, let alone talk about the happy days he had with her, in the two years since her death. He felt Eren deserved to know what she meant to him, how much he had loved her, how much he deeply missed her. Not just anybody deserved to be told such private, precious memories, but Eren…

In a way, Levi felt like Eren was trying to replace her in his heart, so he deserved to know, that could _never_ happen. Nobody could replace her!

His rational side knew that was not Eren’s intent; it was just his own lack of confidence when it came to emotions. Letting himself be this happy felt like he was betraying Petra’s memory. Being happy _hurt_ , so he had to push Eren away; yet not having Eren near him hurt just as much.

Even now, he knew he could slip back down into that hotel room, and Eren would happily hold him through the night. It was a warm, tempting thought, and he also knew it was far too dangerous.

Just the fact that he was so tempted told Levi that something was changing in his heart.

Telling Eren about Petra, rather than shoving him away, made him feel even closer to the young man. Eren was now the only other person to know how precious she had been, and how painful her death was to Levi. He had never told a soul about those details. This was now a secret shared between only him and Eren.

He took another bite of cookie and stared up at the waning crescent moon. Was this God’s Will? Was it Petra who sent Eren into his life, so he could be loved again, so he could face the pain he hid from, grieve her loss, and have a chance to move on?

As a silent tear slid down his cheek, he only knew he was glad he could finally cry for the woman he had loved, and he could share that grief with someone who was just as willing—and stubborn—to stay by his side against all odds.

# # #

# #

#

_We get to see more characters in Metz. First was Floch, Colt, Gabi, and Falco, now a bunch of[Jaegerists](https://attackontitan.fandom.com/wiki/Yeagerists). We’ll see more of this group in the upcoming chapters. If you only watch the anime, you will meet these guys soon. Since many of the Jaegerists have no dialogue and thus no personality to speak of, I took some liberties. Holger is the bouncy outgoing guy in the group, Surma is the intellectual, Phil and Daz are the chronic worriers with bad cases of PTSD, Samuel has a paranoid fear that if he does not follow the rules the Gestapo will get him, Wim is the silent muscle who is probably writing love poetry to his wife, Oliver is a family man and the oldest of the group, and Griez… well, he’s still a racist asshole._

_**Beer Bottles** – Prior to the invention of the crown cap (what you probably imagine when you think of a beer bottle cap) there was the flip-top, also called swing-top, de beugel, or “Grolsch” style top. A plastic or ceramic stopper was held in place by wires, and this meant they could be refilled and sealed again. These continued to be popular in Europe into the 1950s and are still sometimes found._

_**Leviticus** – The books of the Tanakh are not named the same as the Christian Bible. For example, the first five books (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) are called Bereshit, Shemot, Vayikra, Bamidbar, and Devarim, all taken from the incipit, the first line in the books. So Levi knows Vayikra, but does not know the word “Leviticus” which is Latin, meaning “of the tribe of Levi.” **Vayikra** , _ וַיִּקְרָא _or Way-yiq-rā, “And He Called” is the first word of the text._

ויקרא = _way-yiq-rā = And He [implying God] called_  
אל־ = _’el- = to_  
משה = _mō-šeh = Moses  
_

_**The Deuxième Bureau** (dew-zem bew-roh, or “Second Bureau”) was France’s external military intelligence agency, in charge of counter-espionage, surveillance, cryptography, propaganda, and intelligence. It’s been mentioned a few times that Levi worked for them, but he never told Eren this, since if the Germans knew he had been a spy, he would have been shot on the spot. His nightmares of people shouting at him in many languages were from his days working with them, assassinating political targets all over Europe and French colonies in Africa. This is also why the French Resistance wanted to recruit him._

_Levi’s dream of **opening a tea shop** actually comes from a 2014 interview with Isayama, where apparently Levi’s hobby was collecting tea (plain, he doesn’t have the budget for cream or sugar) and he once dreamed of opening a black tea shop. Even the journalist could not picture Levi going from a hero flying around killing titans to serving tea inside the Walls._

_**Spanish Flu** – In my story, Levi’s mother was a victim of the second-most deadly pandemic in human history. The first case of the H1N1 virus was in early March 1918, in an army camp in Kansas, USA. As American soldiers traveled in preparation to join the war effort (fashionably late) the flu went with them. By the end of March, it was in New York. By April, it had spread to French troops on the Western Front, and at one point more than half of the British forces had come down with the flu. By May, it was in Germany, Poland, and Ukraine. By June, it had reached China._

  
_(OMG they masked the cat!)_

_The 1918 outbreak was named “the Spanish Flu” because Spain was neutral in the war, and thus was the only country to honestly report about it. The warring nations feared that reporting about the virus would lower troop morale, and admitting just how bad it was hitting their forces might be used as an advantage by the enemy. It was not until after the war that countries admitted, some of their “casualties” were deadly cases of the flu._

  
_(police make sure train riders are masked)_

_As the war ended and soldiers went back to their homes, they brought the flu with them. While the first wave in the spring of 1918 was mild, it was the second wave in October that ravaged the world. With soldiers returning home and Armistice Parades bringing hundreds of thousands of spectators, cases of the Spanish Flu surged. A single parade in Philadelphia, USA, caused a super-spreader event that led to 12,000 deaths._

  
_(police out to arrest “mask slackers”)_

_Masks became mandatory in some cities, quarantines were established, police cracked down on nonessential gatherings, and some major cities declared curfews and mandatory stay-at-home orders. (Sounds familiar?) A third wave hit in January 1919, which caused far fewer deaths, as hospitals were now better equipped to handle severe cases. After a fourth wave in 1920, the pandemic was considered to be over. All told, the death toll is estimated to have been somewhere between 17 million and 50 million, and possibly as high as 100 million. Strains of the H1N1 virus are still very much alive today, like the 1977 Russian Flu and the 2009 Swine Flu._

  
_(sigh...... some things never change)_

#  **Wear A Mask!**

(Levi’s orders!)


	33. Promotions Well Earned

Fog clung to the ground and wove between city buildings and narrow alleys as Eren heard church bells that woke him up. He had taken a long time to fall asleep last night, with the last of the Pervitin still keeping him alert and on edge well past midnight.

And horny. He had to admit, he spent plenty of time in the bathroom fantasizing about a man sleeping somewhere right above him.

As soon as he began to stretch in bed, he knew right away, the Pervitin was out of his system, and without it the full pain of the shot that ripped a gash in his leg hit him.

“ _Scheiße! Mein Bein tut weh._ ” Shit! My leg hurts.

He removed his pajamas, limped to were he had left his medical kit in the bathroom, and carefully unwrapped the bandage. It was oozing again, and the bandage had been stained with blood mixed with antibiotic cream. Eren carefully cleaned the wound. He should probably go into the hospital here in Metz and have it properly inspected, just to make sure it would heal before he needed to fight, but part of him was worried that if the wound was enough to take him off duty and sent back to Germany, Levi would be left to sneak out of Metz alone. So he put medication on, wrapped a fresh bandage around it, and tested the leg out. Still, it hurt almost too much to put pressure on.

How in the world had he walked and rode 244 km in three days? Truly, that drug was powerful and dangerous.

Eren hobbled back over to his bed, glad to see there was a phone. He picked it up, and an operator cheerfully greeted him. He told her to put him through to his platoon’s barracks, looking at a piece of paper on the table where he had jotted down the extension, and to his surprise Jean answered.

“Jean, good morning. Wake up Floch and send him to my hotel with the car. Oh, he’s up? Good. Get the rest of the men ready for an inspection. _Hauptmann_ Woermann has called for an assembly of the platoon. We’re to meet at _Oberleutnant_ Dietrich’s barracks at 0800, so have them ready. I’m heading over there soon.”

He hung up and thought how nice it was to have telephones again, rather than a small village with only one phone for the whole town.

Eren washed up, shaved, combed out his hair, and had begun to dress in his uniform when he heard a scratching noise coming from the ceiling. He glanced up.

“Levi, is that you?”

The door in the ceiling lifted, and the Jew peeked out. “Is it safe to come down? That sandwich went through me and I seriously need to shit.”

Eren glanced at the door and bit his lip. Floch was supposed to be coming soon. “Can you hold it for ten minutes?”

“Not really. It’s going to come out wet and messy.”

He sighed in frustration, but then he heard talking in the hallway. “Okay, I can wait for my man out there. Give me one minute.”

Levi sighed, “This is why I need a shit bucket.” As he watched Eren adjusting his uniform, including an Iron Cross pin he did not often wear, he noticed just how much Eren was limping. “How’s the leg?”

“Hurting a lot. All that walking was a bad idea.”

“I tried to warn you,” Levi grumbled. He frowned as he saw Eren’s face draw up in pain. “Go see a doctor.”

“If it’s bad, they may send me back to Germany.”

“If it’s bad, I don’t want you losing your fucking leg. Promise me, some time today, you’ll have a proper doctor check out your leg.”

Eren sighed in frustration. “Fine.”

“Good. Now get the hell out or your ceiling is going to stink of liquid shit.”

Eren grabbed his cap, but he realized the Heeres eagle was still missing. He definitely needed that to be replaced before an inspection. He tipped his head to Levi in farewell but got back only a sneer, silently telling him he had better hurry or there would be a serious problem. So Eren stepped out and locked the hotel room door behind him.

The voices he had heard were Samuel and Daz. The two made perfect decoys, and he walked up to them, smiling and chatting. They noticed right away, he was limping, and he went into a tale about scouting on their dangerous journey through enemy territory, meeting Americans, talking to them in order to get the location of their troops, explaining he knew English, and then when they realized he was German, the wild ride back to the company that led to him getting shot in the leg.

“You scouted ahead alone, through enemy territory?” Daz cried out, grimacing at the very thought of it.

Samuel also looked impressed. “They better give you a medal for that.”

Eren looked down at the leg. “A silver Wound Badge, at the very least. This is my third injury.”

They heard feet running up the stairs, and Floch arrived on the floor. “Ah! Lieutenant, I came as soon as I could. Kirschstein said there was an inspection, and I noticed yesterday, your cap needs to be fixed.”

Daz’s eyes focused on the _Schirmmütze_. “He’s right. Your eagle is missing.”

Eren pulled off the cap and looked at it. “Yeah, I noticed two days ago. I was wearing civilian clothes when I was scouting, so maybe it went missing around that time. Let’s hurry, and maybe we can still get breakfast before the assembly.”

He began to go down the stairs, but his leg really began to draw up, with the muscle tightening to protect the wounded area. By the time they were on the second floor, he was limping hard and grasping the handrail with each step. Floch waited, watching his slow progress with a worrying face.

“Sir, if I may make a suggestion, how about I drive you to the hospital. I will take your cap and get you a new pin while you get your leg checked, and I will find something for you to eat on our ride to the barracks.”

He nodded, feeling sweat on his brow from the pain. “Sounds like a solid battle plan.”

They finally reached the ground level and Eren struggled not to limp too much as he passed by men ranked higher than him. Floch now rushed ahead to get the truck started, and once Eren was securely in his seat, he rushed off in the direction of the military hospital.

Eren hated doctors. Not in the way some people say they _hate doctors_ , but on a deep, visceral level, he distrusted and despised every single one. So while his leg wound was inspected, he tried to look anywhere but at the man in front of him, sitting on a bed with his trousers dropped so the wound could be irrigated. It had a slight infection, though nothing too dangerous. Mostly, it was the damage of walking when he should have been resting with his leg elevated.

“I won’t say you were lucky,” the doctor said, putting on stronger medicinal creams and wrapping the leg again, “but a few millimeters more, and you’d be walking with a permanent limp. It would have definitely gotten you a ticket home. As it is, we don’t even have to send you to Mercy.”

“Mercy?”

“The big military hospital, a little south of Metz, although I hear they’re planning to evacuate it before the Americans arrive.”

Running away! He hated that everything Germany had built in France was being abandoned or overrun. So many lives lost to take France, all being wiped out in the tsunami of Allied forces, some of them from overseas with no business in the European power struggle.

Floch returned with his hat, now with the pin on, and some bread and cheese Eren could eat on the road. The hospital gave him a cane to use, a bottle of pills for the pain, and strict instructions to minimize his walking for a week, preferably staying in his room so he could avoid the stairs. Eren hated the idea of being stuck indoors, although more time in his room meant more time with Levi.

Finally, they went back to the truck, and Floch drove Eren to the barracks with not much time to spare. Eren focused on eating what he could. He saluted the guards at the entry point and nodded as enlisted men saluted him along his whole trip to where the company had already lined up in ranks and at attention.

Floch pulled up close so Eren would not have to walk much. He stepped out, using the cane as he limped. Jean came right up to him and saluted.

“ _Heil Hitler_.”

Eren half-heartedly returned the salute. Jean looked down at how he struggled to walk.

“I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“Nor did I, until the Pervitin wore off and I actually _felt_ it. I’m off combat for a week and ordered to restrict my walking. I’ll have to rely on you more.”

“You know I’m up for the job.”

“I definitely know,” Eren said with a smile. “At least there’s no serious muscle damage, so with any luck I’ll be up and marching before the Americans arrive.”

“Take it easy,” Jean warned with serious concern. “Germany needs its officers.”

Eren looked at the lined-up men who seemed to be bright-eyed and energetic. “I’m surprised they aren’t groaning and puking with hangovers.”

Jean sighed as he looked at the group. “To be honest, it was a rough night. Every single one of them got violently sick. After that … well, the Pervitin is still in the systems of most of these men, especially the ones who have never taken it before, so they bounced right back as hyper as ever. They’ll start to crash later today. That’s when things will get ugly. I recommend you not be around. You remember what happened in Anzio.”

Eren hummed in grim memory. Their platoon had been ordered to take Pervitin for a boost of energy during a particularly rough push against the Allies, only for one of his men, Johann, to turn violently paranoid, insisting Eren had more pills and demanding them. When Johann pulled his gun on Eren, screaming to give him more pills, Jean had acted swiftly, shooting the soldier in the head without hesitation. By the grim disgust in his face, Eren guessed that Jean had seen that behavior before.

Kitz Woermann came up to Eren, and with a salute Jean fell back within the ranks with their platoon. “Your wound ended up being serious, and yet you persisted for two days. That’s the sort of strength and determination Germany needs. Don’t let a little injury stop you from serving.”

“I don’t plan to, captain.”

Eren took his place up front with Ian and Gunther as the captain addressed the company.

“It was a long walk to Metz,” Kitz began, “but we made it. Do you know why?” His sunken eyes gazed around at them all. “Because Germans are strong,” he screamed. “We are resilient. As the Führer said in _Mein Kampf_ , ‘Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to, but only to be broken.’ We do not quiver like a flower when we face the enemy. We crush them! Hitler said, ‘The whole of nature is a continuous struggle between strength and weakness, an eternal victory of the strong over the weak.’ You should thrive on the struggles we face, prove yourself strong over the Jew-loving horde heading our way.”

His zeal pulled back, and he suddenly looked disgusted.

“Yet not all who left are with us now. Somewhere along the road, Pohl, Schwarz, and Müller vanished. I don’t believe in spirits that snatch away bad little boys, and I don’t like to think that they were cowards who ran away. If _anyone_ here,” he snapped, “saw what happened to those three men, speak up now. Anything you may know could help ease the thoughts of their loved ones back in the Fatherland.”

The men shifted around, and a few looked to one another. Finally, Floch cleared his throat and spoke up. “The last time I saw Pohl and Schwarz was in that Luxembourg castle town, just after we exchanged the horses. They, um…” He cringed, knowing he was tattling on comrades.

“Speak the truth, Forster.”

“Yes, captain. They shot a deacon, and then they took a young girl into the church … against her will.”

Kitz chuckled softly. “Having their way with a girl in a church? Blasphemous.” He did not sound disgusted, only amused. “Did you see anything else?”

Briefly, Floch’s eyes flicked to Eren, and for a second, the young lieutenant felt his heart stop. Floch must have seen him enter the church just minutes after Pohl and Schwarz.

“No, captain,” Floch replied. “I didn’t stick around to listen in on them.”

The men in the company snickered softly.

“So,” Kitz concluded, “they took a little girl into a church to defile her under the eyes of God, and they never came back out. I don’t know what idea is more terrifying: that God smote them Himself, or that the girl did.” He stewed in disgust. “Pohl. It means his family was from Poland, and as we all know, the Poles are mostly Jews. Weak, tainted bloodlines. And Schwarz. I never trust a man named Schwarz, because it means his ancestors were not Aryans. A Pollack and a black-haired half-breed.”

“Captain,” Ian quickly protested, “both Pohl and Schwarz had an _Ahnenpaß_ , they were pure—”

“If they could not even hold down a little girl, how could they ever hold back the Allies?” Kitz sneered at Ian, daring him to continue trying to protect his men.

“Captain,” Eren blurted in, hoping to keep the peace. “We don’t know if they were actually killed. They may have kept having their way with her and simply got left behind.”

Kitz snorted with a wry smile. “Perhaps they’re still filling her belly with German seed. Fine. Missing In Action. I don’t like losing men on my watch, but it’s better than thinking they may have been bested by the weaker sex. Now, the third to go missing was one of your own men, Milieus Müller.”

“Yes, sir. The last I saw him was in that same town. Like Pohl and Schwarz, he was coercing a woman into a building.”

Kitz shouted out to the company, “Did anyone see Müller after Bourglinster?” He waited, but no one spoke up. “We should go back to that town, rape every last woman there, and then burn it to the ground. Very well, he will be reported as Missing In Action as well, and if those three show up in Metz late, I will have them hanged.”

Eren was glad that issue had been cleared up so easily. He glanced into the crowd and saw Floch staring at him. The young soldier awkwardly looked away as soon as their eyes met.

Kitz’s bulging eyes turned toward a sleek _Großer_ Mercedes that was just pulling up. “Ah, now on to something we can all celebrate over. Company! Attention!”

Eren stiffened but turned his gaze to the side as the elegant Mercedes came to a stop and a highly decorated officer stepped out. His eyes widened in shock. It was none of other than _General der Panzertruppe_ Otto von Knobelsdorff, commander of the 1st Army, the man in charge of not just the military force in Metz, but all of France and Belgium.

Kitz saluted. “General, I’m glad you could spare the time. I know you just arrived in Metz.”

“A long and dreadfully boring journey, but I’m eager to get back into battle with good men who bring honor and glory to Germany.”

Eren saw the man had a small mustache in the same style as Hitler, but whereas the Führer’s eyes burned with passion, this man looked like he felt more at home giving candies to his nieces and nephews. His blue eyes drooped slightly, with crow’s feet creasing the corners. He had a gentle smile that seemed to be his face’s natural setting. He turned this smile to the company.

“All of you did well, pushing to Metz in record time, stabbing straight through the heart of the enemy, after partisans tried their hardest to ensnare you all. Many of you went above and beyond the call of duty. To acknowledge those men, your captain requested accommodations and promotions, and I granted approval of each and every one.”

Kitz barked out, “The following men, come forward: Floch Forster, Armin Arlelt, Darius Baer-Walbrunn, Luke Cis, Dieter Ness, Jean Kirschstein, and Eren Jäger.”

The men stepped briskly up to the front, standing in a straight line. As Eren limped on his cane, his eyes caught Armin, who looked stunned. Eren gave him an encouraging nod. If anyone deserved a medal, it was Armin. As for himself, obviously he was going to get a Wound Badge.

General Knobelsdorff faced the men, lined up in order of rank, first Floch who was a simple _soldat_ , then Armin who was an _Obergefreiter_ , then Luke and Dieter who both held the rank of _Stabsgefreiter_ , followed by Darius and Jean who were both ranked _Unteroffizier_ , and finally Eren, the only officer called forth.

Knobelsdorff stepped up to the end of the lineup. “You must be Floch Forster.”

“ _Heil Hitler!_ ” Floch shouted out of instinct, his face trembling.

Knobelsdorff chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Upon arriving in Metz, you have been given a great honor, to be your commanding officer’s driver, his adjutant. Your platoon sergeant gave you that honor because, not only did you pass your military driving tests, but he said you showed great potential, zeal, and dedication. It would not do to escort your officer around as a mere _Soldat_ ; therefore, you are promoted to the rank of _Gefreiter_.”

Knobelsdorff motioned over to his assistant, who had a thick briefcase. Inside were shoulderboards with white trim for the infantry and various medals and certificates. Knobelsdorff unbuttoned the shoulderboards that were on Floch’s uniform, and the young man looked like he was struggling not to cry in gratitude as the General put on the new shoulderboards.

“Congratulations, _Gefreiter_ Forster.”

“Yes, General! Thank you!”

Knobelsdorff stepped down the row. “Armin Arlelt, your captain wrote a glowing review praising your work during this moment of crisis. If it were not for your mastery of communications to discover the partisans who had been diverting messages from Berlin, and your swift mind to come up with a safe path through enemy territory, it is no exaggeration to say we might have lost your whole company and never even knew what became of you. For your commitment, you mastery of duties and skills, and for showing such initiative, I hereby promote you to _Stabsgefreiter_.”

Like Floch, Armin could barely hold back his emotions. His lips trembled as Knobelsdorff buttoned on the new shoulderboards.

“A promotion, though, is not enough. You single-handedly saved your company. Over a hundred men owe their lives to you.”

At a flip of his hand, his assistant handed him a parchment. The General opened the piece of paper and read aloud.

“ _Im Namen des Führers und Obersten Befehlshaber der Wehrmacht verleihe ich dem Stabsgefreiter Armin Arlelt das Eiserne Kreuz 2. Klass._ ” On behalf of the Fuhrer and Supreme Commander of the Wehrmacht, I am awarding Corporal Armin Arlelt the Iron Cross 2nd Class.

Armin made a gasp, but managed not to cry out in shock. Then the General pulled out a small box, and inside was a black and silver cross with a red, white, and black ribbon, which he pinned to the second button hole of Armin’s tunic.

“Remember,” he said softly to Armin, “when you get your new uniform, sew the ribbon onto the second button hole. Wear it always with pride.”

“Yes, _Herr General_ ,” he said, and Armin shook his hand.

While the next three received Wound Badges for getting shot when they met the American platoon, Eren allowed himself to feel proud of Armin. He recalled, Kitz had said that if Armin got them through the journey to Metz safely, he would put him in for a promotion. Also honoring him with the Iron Cross showed that, for how demanding, unpredictable, and sadistic Kitz could be, the captain really did honor duty and loyalty.

That was the National Socialist way. Good deeds got rewarded, no matter what your class or rank. All were expected to excel, and all would be honored when they did.

Eren’s attention was drawn back to the ceremony as Knobelsdorff came up to Jean.

“Jean Kirschstein, there are two honors that were delayed while you were in your last post. First, in recognition of your four years of dedicated service to the Führer, I present you with the four-year-long service medal.” Knobelsdorff pinned the blue ribbon with a silver medallion of the Heer eagle with the words _Treue Dienste in der Wehrmacht_ , Faithful Service in the Wehrmacht. Jean puffed his chest out proudly. “Ah, but you’ll need to take that medal off soon, I think.”

Jean was instantly crestfallen, and Eren could see in his face, if he was not in front of the whole company and facing the highest ranking German in France, Jean would have begun to curse in rage.

“To rise to _Unteroffizier_ in such a short period of time shows a great deal about your character and initiative. Your last promotion was two years ago, after the Dieppe Raid. I’ve read about your heroism, taking over your platoon when your lieutenant was slain, and fifty confirmed kills, despite being shot twice.”

Eren held back a chuckle. So much for Jean’s claim of killing three hundred.

“You also proved yourself in Anzio, not only in combat, but by saving the life of your commanding officer from a rogue soldier. At that time, your lieutenant put in a recommendation, but it was delayed, and you were never rewarded.” Knobelsdorff waved to his attendant, who brought forth a set of clothes folded into a neat pile, and resting on top was an officer’s peaked cap. “For valiant service to the Führer and acts of bravery, loyalty, and skillful leadership, I grant to you your commission. From today forth, you shall serve as an officer of the Wehrmacht, _Leutnant_ Jean Kirschstein.”

Jean struggled to hold in his emotions, but when he shook Knobelsdorff’s hand, his voice cracked slightly. “Thank you, _Herr General_.”

“Thank you for your service to our country.” Knobelsdorff then stepped over to Eren. “Ah, the daring lieutenant! What I read about you in Captain Woermann’s report is the sort of thing our ancestors used to write epics about. First, most obviously, we must address,” and he waved down to the cane, “your leg. Are you okay to stand?”

Eren assured, “I feel fine, General, thanks to the amazing medical staff here in Metz.”

“I would rather not push the talents of their healing, so I’ll try to be brief, but there is so much to say about what you did for your men. Your records show that, prior to this, you were wounded twice in Italy.”

Eren nodded, recalling that he had been hit with shrapnel twice during his three months in Anzio. Once was a bomb dropped by a British plane that sent debris his way, including a metal spike that sliced his arm before impaling the man just behind him. The man died in slow agony, nothing could be done for him, but Armin got Eren off the front lines and to a medical tent, using his disinfectant right away on the wound.

The second time, a grenade, had been far worse. The men within five meters of the grenade had not survived, ripped into mere pieces. A dozen men lost limbs. He had been away from the kill-zone, but even then, he had been struck with a large fragment of metal that lodged in his back. He had required surgery to remove it, and he was told it left a nasty scar on his back. He was lucky that day. If he had been just a centimeter over, that piece of shrapnel would have hit his spine, and he would have been paralyzed. If the grenade had landed a few meters closer, the metal would have torn through his chest and ripped apart his lung.

General Knobelsdorff continued, “This being your third wound, I bestow upon you the Silver Wound Badge.”

He took a pin and affixed it to Eren’s uniform tunic, in the lower corner of his pocket. Although Eren already had a black badge with a sword-crossed helmet, this one gleamed argent in the sunlight.

Knobelsdorff then addressed the company, and Eren figured that was the end of the ceremony. “On a celebration like this, I am reminded of something the Führer said in a speech two years ago this month, in the Sportpalast Berlin. He said, there are no more privileges by birth, wealth, education, or family origin. What we respect is a leader, and the only criterion of a leader, he said, is the brave, valiant, loyal, daring, determined fighter. Only he is fit to be leader of his people. That is the way of National Socialism. We bow to no king, and we reward duty even from the most humble vocation. In the past, some officers believed they lorded above their men. They acted like kings and dukes, treating the enlisted men as servants, even killing them without cause. Sadly, there are still some in our military, especially men who served in the last war, who continue to feel this way.”

Eren gulped, thinking about how Kitz had shot Marlo Freudenberg. Even if his claim was true that Marlo was planning to break out the Jewish women, he should have been arrested, interrogated, and punished appropriately, not just murdered.

Knobelsdorff’s piercing blue eyes gazed at Eren. “It is heartwarming to see that the younger officers, those who have grown up with National Socialism, know better. You not only listened to your _Obergefreiter_ ’s findings, you brought it to the attention of your captain, and you defended your _Obergefreiter_ when others thought a man of his low rank should not be in a meeting of such importance.”

Eren briefly saw Kitz Woermann scowl. He had scoffed about a “mere _Obergefreiter_ ” like Armin being in the meeting to plan the route to Metz, while Eren, Ian, and Gunther requested that Armin be there, since they could see that he had a brilliant mind, even though he was a low-ranked enlisted man. Eren guessed it must have been Ian, as the second-highest ranked person in the company, who added his own report of what happened and mentioned Kitz’s behavior.

“You then bravely scouted ahead of your company through enemy territory. When you came across Americans, you did not flee to save yourself. You valiantly rode right up to the enemy, using flawless English and brilliant deception to convince them to tell you precisely where their troops were location. Your captain said, you came close enough for them to tell the time on your watch. That takes guts!”

Eren could not help but realize, it was Levi who did all the talking, convincing the Americans he was a shepherd, not with flawless English, but just enough bad English to annoy the Americans into helping him. However, in the last horse stables, Kitz had caught up to him while Eren was changing back into uniform, asked him precisely what happened with the Americans, and Eren left out that Levi did all the talking. He said only that he was of _invaluable help_ in tricking the Americans.

“Then, when the daring charade was up, you rode hard to warn your company, saving them from an ambush, and getting a bullet to the leg. Such a wound would make a weak man cry that he cannot go farther, but not you. You kept scouting ahead, because you knew, with your skills in English, you were the best person to trick the enemy. I heard that you rode your horse until it died, and then kept on walking.”

Technically, the bullet only grazed him, his limp was due to overusing it, he did not have much choice in continuing to scout ahead since if Levi lost his usefulness, Kitz would shoot him, and he rode his horse to death only because he was too doped up on Pervitin to realize he needed to go slower.

“Only a brave, valiant, loyal, daring, determined fighter is fit to be a leader. You embrace each of these qualities. Your name _Jäger_ serves you well. You more than prove that you are the sort of man Germany needs to lead us into our Thousand Year Reich. Therefore, it is my great honor to promote you to _Oberleutnant_ and award you with the Iron Cross 1st Class.”

Eren barely managed to keep his mouth from dropping in shock. A Wound Badge, he expected. A medal was generous but he supposed, given the way he told Kitz the story, of course he thought Eren was braver than he really way. A promotion, though! Eren honestly thought, given his mixed heritage, he would never raise in the ranks as an officer. He was lucky to even be given the rank of lieutenant.

Knobelsdorff removed Eren’s shoulderboards and replaced them with ones that had a gold pip that marked his new rank. Eren already had the Iron Cross 2nd Class, so this cross was pinned onto his breast pocket. To make a place for it, Knobelsdorff shifted his Infantry Assault badge down to the corner of the pocket, with the black and silver cross taking the spot of honor. He also pinned a ribbon bar onto his shirt.

Eren kept still, face stern, as he received these honors. Then the General stepped back, his blue eyes wrinkling up in a smile, and he shook Eren’s hand.

“Germany needs more fine men like you.”

“Thank you, _Herr General_.”

He then stepped forward to address the whole company. “All of you made an arduous journey, answering the call to hold Metz at all cost. The Westwall shall never be breached, but it is not prepared for a full invasion. We draw the line _here_!” he shouted, pointing to the cobbled road under his feet. “With men like you, we shall not give in to the Allied horde. Dedicate your hearts to the comrades standing beside you. They shall carry you through to the end of this war. I will leave you with inspiring words from the Führer: ‘The German people has become strong again in spirit, strong in will, strong in endurance, strong to bear all sacrifices.’ It is through strength like yours that Germany shall prevail.” He raised his arm up. “ _Heil Hitler!_ ”

All of the men returned the salute, shouting enthusiastically, “ _Heil Hitler!_ ”

General Knobelsdorff turned to Kitz Woermann, shaking his hand, then the hands of Ian and Gunther, who looked starstruck to get to personally greet a general. Then he returned to Eren, this time clasping him on the shoulder with a warm, paternal smile.

“You are the future of this world.” Then, for a brief moment, those paternal eyes looked regretful and sad, his brow tensed, and the pale lips twisted with words he had to hold back. “I wish the best for you.”

He marched back to the Mercedes and drove away, leaving Eren with an uncomfortable feeling of foreboding that marred the excitement.

“Company, dismissed!”

Kitz’s shout jolted him, and before Eren could really think about the General’s whispered words, Jean had him in a headlock, Armin was bouncing in front of him, Floch had wrapped his arms around Eren, looking ready to cry, and the rest of the platoon came up to congratulate him. He was jostled out of darker thoughts, smiling and laughing as his men got rambunctious enough to almost knock his cap off. Jean tried on his new officer’s cap with its silver cords, asking everyone how it looked on him.

“ _Oberleutnant!_ ” Kitz came up and shook his hand. The men stepped back, instead surrounding Jean and celebrating his promotion.

“Captain, thank you so much for honoring my men.”

“Doling out praise when it is warranted is the duty of a commanding officer. I’m especially proud of you, Jäger. When you first rode into my company, fresh-faced, just a few months out of officer training school, only one battle under your belt, I knew I would have to be tough on you, and you definitely shook my faith at times. Yet over and over again, you proved that, though you are young and idealistic, you know that there are harsh realities in this world. You’ve grown, and you proved yourself to be the sort of man German needs as its future leaders, especially helping to kill the Jews. That was when I knew,” he said, and Kitz tapped the gold pip on Eren’s shoulderboard, “you were ready for that honor.”

Eren kept his face neutral, but he felt an icy knife stab into his chest and twist. His promotion came at the cost of a human life.

“Ah! I almost forgot this.” He handed back the watch with a swastika on the face, which Eren had taken off and given to him after his encounter with the Americans. Eren put the watch back on his wrist. “Tell me,” Kitz said quietly, and his eyes narrowed. “What happened to that Jewish translator?”

Fearful of enraging his captain, Eren managed to smile. “I shot him right after forcing him to carry my bags up to my new place. I thought about your suggestion to hang him, but as fun as that would be, I wanted to hurry and go drinking with my men. I figured, there will be plenty more Jews to kill in the future.” He thought about what Floch had said. “He was useful and stupidly loyal to the end, but after all, a rat is still a rat.”

Kitz barked out a laugh and slapped Eren’s back. “That reminds me of one of Hitler’s lines in _Mein Kampf_. ‘The fox remains always a fox, the goose remains a goose, and the tiger will retain the character of a tiger.’”

“Very true! Captain, sometimes I think you have _Mein Kampf_ memorized.”

“My mind is too old for that, but I have read it at least once a year since he took power. So tell me, what is your favorite quote from the _Führer?_ ”

“Oh! Well, it’s not one of his more popular ones,” Eren admitted. “Still, it struck a chord with me, perhaps because he said it the same month I was accepted into officer training school. It was New Year’s Day, he was addressing the Wehrmacht, and Hitler ended his speech saying, ‘It is our hope that the blood that is spilled in this war will be the last in Europe for generations.’ After I heard that on the radio, I thought about it for days. It crossed my mind every day when I was on the front lines, killing Allies and losing many good men. If this war can end all wars in Europe for generations, then what we do here is necessary to save millions of future lives. To end war! A Thousand Year Reich of peace and prosperity for Germany! It would be nice,” Eren said wistfully, “to be old and gray and see little boys who think _War_ is a playground game, who will never be sent to another country to kill, or watch a man be blown to pieces by a grenade, or know of a family who lost their home to a bomb. If Germany can become that sort of country, if we can save generations from this horror, then that future is worth fighting for!”

“The end justifies the means,” Kitz intoned solemnly. “I’m glad you didn’t pick one of the more trite and trendy quotes. It shows you listen, and you recognize the Führer’s genius. See,” he said, patting Eren on the shoulder, “you keep proving yourself an asset to Germany and to Hitler.”

“ _Heil Hitler_ ,” Eren said with a beaming smile. After Woermann left to go congratulate Jean, Eren’s smile sank, and his eyes stared out hollowly.

He felt empty. All the horrors in that village and been a test of his capacity as a leader, and he privately realized … he had failed. He had whipped Levi only because the Jew demanded that he do it to save him from Kitz’s wrath. He had stood by and watched Levi being raped because rushing forward to save him would have led to them both being shot. He had killed an innocent man because it was the only way to save Levi. And now, he had lied to his captain about Levi, trapping him with a new dilemma.

Floch knew Levi was hiding in the attic!

He would have to lie to Floch, and then he would have to be careful that nobody found Levi. If just one person recognized him, his lie would come unraveled, and Kitz would know he had hidden the Jew.

And that … was treason.

Armin slipped up beside Eren, seeing the distant gaze he often got when he was trying to bury emotions. He had been gazing on in awe at the General through most of the ceremony, amazed to see one of the top-ranked military geniuses of the Reich right here, and to have had the honor of shaking his hand. So while he could not hear whatever Knobelsdorff had said, he caught the look of grief.

Armin thought he knew why the General, who had been in Metz for less than twenty-four hours as part of his new post as commander of the 1st Army, would look at young, uprising officers with that depth of regret.

He knew what was in store for the future of Metz.

“Eren?”

He snapped out of far-off thoughts and flashed a warm smile to Armin. “Congratulations. You more than deserved this.”

He looked down at the black medal. “I think the Iron Cross is a bit much. I didn’t do anything brave.”

“You did something _smart_ , and intelligence is just as important as fearlessness. It was your radio, your technical skills, and your plan that got us here safely.”

He looked embarrassed by the praise. “By the way, I overheard … Did you really shoot that Jew?”

Eren saw pity in Armin’s face, and his hands twisted with concern. Eren knew he should say yes, he should not get any of these men involved, but Armin’s heart was too good. Instead, Eren silently mouthed the word “no,” while out loud he said, “Of course I shot him. Don’t tell me you pity Jews now.”

Armin sighed in relief. “Of course not. I just thought it would be nice to have a servant around a little bit longer.”

Thomas came up to the two and scoffed, “Why wish for that when _none_ of you bastards ever offered to help me cook or clean?”

Eren laughed. “ _Ja, ja, Mutt_ _i_ _Thomas_ _._ ” Yes, yes, Mommy Thomas.

Franz teased him, “You’re going to be bored without a kitchen.”

Connie added in, “You brought all those spices for nothing.”

“Not _nothing_ ,” Thomas cried out. “Have you seen the barracks’ mess hall? Empty! Bland spices: salt and pepper. Pah! At least now we can have some sage and rosemary in our meat.”

Eren jostled Thomas. “You get to be Mommy to an entire barracks.”

“I’m just trying to keep everyone fed,” he grumbled.

“We should go drinking!” Connie shouted.

Eren laughed. “First, our new officer needs a new living space.” He walked up to Jean, glad to see he got this commission after many years of service. “You’ll be set up in the hotel with me. There’s space next to Daz. A warning: he snores.”

“Your own room!” Franz shouted. “So lucky.”

Connie chuckled slyly, “He can wank off without trying to keep it under the sheets and quiet.”

They laughed, and Jean glared at them.

“Come on, horse-face!” Eren said, and he yanked Jean with him. “Floch, get the car running. We’ll pack up your stuff and move you over. Armin, you come with us too, and we’ll all drive over to get our new uniforms.”

Eren sat in the front of the truck, with Jean and Armin behind, and they drove just a little over to the barracks. There, Eren waited, letting his leg rest, while Armin and Floch helped Jean to pack up so he could move out of the barracks for enlisted men and into the officer’s hotel. By the time they were done, the rest had meandered back over to the barracks, and Connie told them which pub they were going to visit to celebrate with the whole company.

Then Floch drove them to go get new uniforms. For Armin, this was just a new chevron patch on the arm, although he requested new boots while he was there—he had been wearing those boots for nine months. For Jean, it was a whole new set of not only service uniform, but dress uniform. Eren picked up his new _Oberleutnant_ uniform for combat, but his service uniform looked exactly the same as what he was currently wearing, just the new shoulderboards, so he was not as excited as the other two. Floch more than made up for it in being excited on his behalf.

Then they drove out to get a little food. Eren insisted he had not had enough for breakfast and wanted a little something before he took more pain medication for his leg, and Armin wanted to eat before going out to drink with the platoon. With muffins wrapped up in bags so they could eat on the way, they drove to the officer’s hotel.

“Can we wait a little bit before heading out to celebrate?” Jean asked. “I want to write home to my mother.”

Armin perked up. “Oh! Good idea. I should write back home.”

Floch chuckled as he drove them. “My parents are going to be so proud. My big brother has already made _Stabsgefreiter_ , and they can’t stop talking about how fast he’s raised through the ranks.”

“Sometimes, it’s not good to rise too fast,” Eren cautioned. “Rise too fast and you lack the needed experience. You three deserve it, though.” He looked down at the paper-wrapped uniform sitting on his lap. “I don’t feel like I do.”

“Of course you do!” Armin said loyally.

Floch assured him. “You’re parents will be proud.”

Armin and Jean glanced to one another, and Floch sensed the suddenly quietness in the car.

“Oh,” he muttered. “I’m sorry. Did they die in the war?”

Eren shook his head. “It was before the war.”

“Well, you have _someone_ to write home to, right? Someone who misses you and would be proud of you?”

“Not really,” Eren admitted. “I have no siblings, no cousins, and Captain Hannes, the man who raised me, died in Russia.”

“You have no family at all?” Floch asked in shock.

“Floch,” Jean warned sternly.

Eren managed to struggle up a smile. “I’m happy enough to celebrate with my men. You’re my new family.”

Floch blurted out, “Can I be your brother?”

Eren laughed and decided, “Sure, you’re my baby brother.”

“Ehhh! I don’t want to be a _baby_ brother.”

The others laughed, moving past the awkwardness.

They reached the hotel, and in the swanky entryway, Eren saw the group of lieutenants sitting on couches.

Daz grimaced as he drank wine right out of a bottle. “It’s a disgusting drink, but it’s better than water.”

Griez had a bottle of his own, which he poured into a glass with a bit more refinement. “The key is to find the wine you actually like. They can be dry, sweet, fruity, acidic…”

Oliver’s chuckle was deep and resonating. “Listen to you, sounding like a native.”

Griez shrugged. “Two years here, I mean, that’s longer than I lived in Berlin as a baby, yet everyone considers me a Berliner. I’m starting to like wine more than beer now.”

Phil teased, “That should be treason.” The others laughed.

Holger noticed Eren limping up. “Whoa! Are you okay, Jäger?”

He smiled at the men. “I guess I forgot to mention last night that I had been shot in the leg on the road to Metz.”

Wim’s eyes were on his breast pocket. “Iron Cross First Class. That’s new.”

“Hey!” Daz yelled, checking out the uniform a bit more. “ _Oberleutnant_? Did you just get a promotion?”

“Ah, yeah,” he said awkwardly. “General Knobelsdorff attended a promotion ceremony for my company.”

“The new general?” the men all shouted in astonishment.

“Is he as fierce as they say?”

“The man is one of the great military geniuses of our time!”

“I heard he battled all the way to the gates of Moscow, and the only reason Operation Barbarossa failed is he came down sick and had to be replaced.”

“When I’m promoted, I hope a General of the Branch is present.”

“You really are lucky.”

Eren smiled to himself, already feeling a sense of camaraderie with these men. “He looked like a kind father, smiled like an old friend, and spoke like a warrior.”

“So lucky!” Holger sighed in admiration.

Eren turned to the other three waiting. “Men, this is going to be the newest member of our floor. Jean Kirschtein just got promoted.”

Griez broke into a laugh. “Oh, I remember that! Still in my enlisted uniform but with an officer’s cap. You must have worked hard, soldier. I also went from an NCO to an officer the hard way.”

“Hard way?” Daz cried out. “You’ve been sitting around Metz for years. Nothing hard about that.”

“Hey! I was sent to Normandy briefly, but I returned back to Metz. I got my commission in battle after some new, fresh-out-of-academy lieutenant screwed up and got himself killed.”

Jean admitted, “That’s how I rose to _Unteroffizier_.”

“Right?” Griez cried out. “We did it the _hard_ way. The rest of these virgins had the right connections to get into the right schools.”

“Virgins?” Daz cried out.

Wim muttered, “I have two children.”

Griez rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Holger shouted out, “Get in your new uniforms. We’ll celebrate.”

Eren said, “Sorry, our platoon already went to find a place to go drink.”

“That’s fine,” Holger said with a shrug. “We’re Nazis. We’re not above drinking with the enlisted men. We’re all equal here.”

Eren told them where the party would be, but they offered to wait until Eren was ready, since he walked slower. Floch, Armin, and Jean made trips up and down the stairs, carrying Jean’s supplies, while Eren took his time hobbling up the stairs. His leg really was starting to throb.

“This is shit,” he grumbled.

He finally made it up and needed a moment to rub out his leg. Floch came up, looking worried. “Are you going to rest, sir?”

“Some medicine and I’ll be fine. How about you go to Jean’s room, help him settle in, and write a letter home? I’m going to change the bandage on my leg. Don’t take off without me.”

“Not a chance, sir!” Floch said, and he bolted over to Jean’s room.

Eren went into his room and locked the door behind him. He took his cap off, placed his cane aside, and set the new uniform on the bed. He went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and touched the new shoulderboard with its golden pyramid that showed he was no longer the very bottom of the ladder for officers.

He had no one to write home to, but there was one person he could tell.

He pulled the chair up under the attic door gave a soft scratch. He waited, then lightly scratched the door again. A moment later, he heard a scratch back.

“Levi?” he called up softly.

He opened the hatch and peeked out. “What are you doing back?”

“I brought food.” He fetched the bag with a muffin and handed it up. “I have news.”

“Germany surrendered?”

Eren scowled. “No. I got a promotion.”

He caught the glint of a gold pip. “Is that why you have that gaudy thing on your shoulder?”

Eren pouted at the insult, but he was still excited to tell Levi. “I also received the _Eisernes Kreuz, und der Verwundetenabzeichen.”_

“You lost me,” Levi mumbled.

“Oh. Um … Iron Cross, and … wound … patch? Badge?”

“For getting shot in the leg,” Levi realized.

“I never thought I would be promoted.”

Levi recalled what Eren had told him before: “ _My mother was a mischling. Because of her, I am suspected. Because of her, I could not join the SS like my other classmates. I was lucky even to become an officer, although I will probably never raise higher than this._ ” Despite working against a xenophobic culture, Eren proved himself.

“Don’t let it get to your head.”

Eren pouted. “I can’t really brag about it. There’s no one back home to write to, no one to feel proud of me. Just my men, but that’s not the same.” He glanced at Levi. He had hoped Levi would feel proud of him, but that was ridiculous. He was an enemy soldier. Why would Levi feel proud of him getting recognition? He shook his head to dismiss the thought. “How are you feeling? How’s your stomach?”

Levi sputtered in frustration. “I shit out everything I ate last night. I don’t know if it was the sandwich, the beer, or…” His voice faded off. He had mourned most of the night, offering what few prayers he knew and making up others. That was not good on the stomach either. “I have no idea if I’m going to shit his food out too,” he said, looking down at the bag Eren gave him.

“If you need more food, there should be ration bars in my bag, and maybe a few meals you can heat up. If you find my Esbit, you can keep that. It’ll help to warm you up. I’ll just say mine got lost in the move to Metz.”

“How much can you claim was _lost_?”

Eren shrugged. “Everything but my uniform and gun. Why?”

“If I see something that I think could be useful, I want to keep it.”

Eren saw a determined look in Levi’s eyes. He knew how to survive, even if that meant pillaging and stealing what he needed. “Sure, and if I really need it, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, feel free.”

“Good. One more thing. That shirt you were wearing on the road, can I have it?”

Eren raised an eyebrow. “It’s surely too big for you.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been wearing the same damn shirt since April, and I haven’t had many chances to wash it. It reeks, it’s stained with blood, and it reminds me of all the shit I went through. I could use a replacement, but I doubt you can buy something in my size without raising a few alarms.”

He had to admit, buying a shirt that would fit someone as small as Levi would make people notice, and especially during these times, the last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself.

“It’s yours then. Pillage through my stuff while I’m gone.”

Then they heard Jean’s voice. “ _Jäger, sind Sie bereit zu gehen?_ ” Are you ready to go?

“ _Ich komme gleich raus._ ” I’ll be out soon. Then he whispered, “Oh, Jean got promoted to lieutenant, so he’ll be on this floor.”

“Jean, the horse-faced one? Does he know I’m here?”

“No. Actually,” he admitted awkwardly, “I had to tell the captain that I killed you.”

Levi snorted in wry amusement. “Good. If they think I’m gone, they won’t come looking.”

“Well, Armin knows, but he’s promised to help find a way to get you out of here.”

“Fine, but don’t tell anyone else, and stay the hell out of trouble this time, _takhshet_.”

Eren smiled to hear a little bit of genuine concern in the gruff farewell. He stepped down off the chair and picked up his cap. Levi began to pull down the attic door, but he paused.

“Oy, Eren,” he whispered.

Eren paused and looked up at the face peeking out from the attic, lit up from the sunshine coming through his window. Slowly, struggling, a smile rose onto Levi’s face.

“I’m proud of you.”

Eren’s mouth dropped, and instantly he felt his cheeks growing warm. He dropped his cap, rushed back forward, used his good leg to climb up onto the chair, and standing on just one leg while balancing by grabbing the edges of the attic, he pressed his face forward to give Levi a kiss. Rather than turning away like last night or slamming the attic door shut on him, Levi’s fingers cradled the back of Eren’s neck, threaded through his soft hair, and pulled his face closer. He leaned down out of the ceiling while Eren stretched his head up, their lips locked in a rush of passion.

They forgot the world around them for a few seconds. Then slowly, reluctantly, their lips parted with a pop. Eren was glad to see that tiny smile still on Levi’s face. Something had changed with him, something that allowed him to smile like this. Maybe he just needed to open up a little about his wife’s death, so he could start to open his heart to more emotions.

Levi’s fingers combed through Eren’s hair. His eyes searched his face, like he was truly seeing Eren for the very first time. His mouth began to open to say more, but they heard Floch shouting out to Jean in the hallway. That forced them both to pull back, realizing the dangerous situation they were in.

“I’ll see you tonight,” whispered Eren.

Levi nodded. He had no idea what more he could say, and now he felt slightly embarrassed for saying even that much. He silently pulled back up into the shadows. Eren saw in his eyes all the pride—and the worries—Levi felt for him. As the attic door slowly closed, their eyes lingered, not wanting to look away, until at last the door shut with a soft click.

Eren let out a sigh. He knew his face was red, and feeling his cheeks, they were burning. Maybe he could blame it on excitement.

He pulled his officer’s cap on, grabbed his cane, and left the room. Jean, Armin, and Floch were waiting, all of them excited to celebrate.

Up in the attic, Levi sat by the window, nibbling the muffin Eren had brought him as he gazed down through the tiny window. He saw Eren leave with his men and a bunch of other lieutenants he had noticed coming and going out of the building. Eren hobbled on his cane, and his face flinched as he forced his knee to bend up into the passenger seat.

Levi’s eyes stayed on the lieutenant—would it now be 1st lieutenant?—until the truck pulled away and drove down the street. There in the dark, Levi allowed himself to smile more.

“Well, Petra, he’s growing up on me. He’s brave, stupid,” he said in amusement, “and I want to protect that idiotic smile of his.” He looked down at the muffin. Eren did not have to climb all the steps up to his room. He could have had his soldiers drop his new uniform off for him, but obviously he came to share his enthusiasm and give Levi some food. “How weird is it, that I want to see him smile more?”

He set the muffin aside and crawled across the floor, being as silent as possible. He listened down into the rooms below, pressing his ear to the floor, but there were no sounds from any of them. It had looked like they all piled into the truck with Eren, but he wanted to be sure. He went back to the door that opened to Eren’s room, creaked it open, and slid down the rope ladder. He was silent as he sneaked around and grabbed Eren’s duffel bag, taking the whole thing up into the attic to minimize his time down in that room. Then he closed the door again.

He rummaged through by the light of the small window, pulling out the small metal stove, some fuel tabs, a box of matches, and any food Eren had on him. He also pulled out the sky blue shirt Eren had worn on the journey to Metz.

He paused and lifted the shirt to his nose. It still smelled like Eren, and the calming scent brought a smile to Levi’s face. He remembered in the bedroom of the Reeves house, how he had undone Eren’s buttons and slowly pushed this shirt off. He could still recall the look of euphoria on Eren’s face and his soft gasps of pleasure as Levi slid his fingers over his chest and arms. If only they had been alone and he could have done more than merely help him out of some wet clothes…

Levi jolted out of the memories, shook his head, and tried to focus again. He found rope that could be useful and extra socks. He could definitely use those. There was a compass and binoculars, which would be useful once he had to leave, but he did not want to be burdened with hiding too much stuff yet. Buried at the bottom of the bag were the beaten up shoes and yellow leather jacket Eren had worn. He pulled out the shoes. Definitely too big, but perhaps he could stuff the toes. Although they were old and beaten up, they were marginally an improvement over the shoes he had now. Then he flipped out the jacket and gave it a shake. The leather was starting to smell, since it had been wet when Eren shoved it away into his bag. Levi figured, if he aired it out for a day, that should prevent mildew, and he could definitely use a jacket as the weather got colder.

He tried it on. It was huge on him, hanging off his shoulders, but it was warm. He pulled the coat tightly around him and closed his eyes, inhaling Eren’s scent and thinking about the warmth of his arms. Those arms had held him so many times over the months, from helping him to walk out of the latrine where he had been viciously attacked with a mop handle, to holding him as he mentally shattered after being raped, to gentle hugs, warm kisses, tender words, and soft eyes that gazed upon him with adoration.

Again, Levi jolted and shook out his head.

“Shit,” he hissed.

He took the jacket off, trying to scowl and think like a survivalist. He searched around for a place to hang it up so it could completely dry, but he paused again, bringing the coat up to revel in Eren’s scent one last time. Then he spread the jacket out over the back of an old chair. Still, he found himself caressing the leather.

“What is wrong with me?” he whispered. He turned back to the gear, trying to focus and not think about what the next few days would be like, living here with Eren, no one knowing he was here. Alone. Together.

# # #

# #

#

  
_([fan art by Vulpecula](https://vulpecula-art.tumblr.com/post/639960478673731584/i-never-want-to-draw-wehrmatch-eren-again-last)) _

_Thanks to Vulpecula for this lovely scene from Chapter 7 of Eren and Levi sharing some soup and a cup of muckefuck. She even asked me for a_ _visual representation of Eren’s uniform, so all the details are accurate for Eren before his promotion._

  
_([Eren’s new uniform](https://i.imgur.com/tLcmUlq.jpg))_

_After Vulpecula asked me about the uniform details, I realized, not only had I never fully described Eren’s uniform, including all of his medals and badges that were in my notes but never made it into the text … I was actually inconsistent with which color the uniform was, despite having photos of uniforms clogging up my story’s folder. This is because the Nazis used many different uniforms depending on branch, unit, location, even the time of year. The most common color, feldgrau (field-gray), varied depending on which factory made the uniform, so they appeared to be anywhere from olive green to cadet gray. I also was not fully aware of just how many medals the Nazis handed out. They loved ceremony and awards!_

_**Pohl and Schwarz** – I made these two up. Their names are real German surnames that mean “from Poland” and “black-haired.” Of course, a racist like Kitz thinks the origin of their surnames proves they are weak._

_**Otto von Knobelsdorff** – General der Panzertruppe (literally “General of the Armored Corps,” a four-star general) has been called “[one of Germany’s most outstanding armor leaders.](https://warfarehistorynetwork.com/2018/12/29/otto-von-knobelsdorff-panzer-commander/)” He joined the military as an officer cadet in 1905, where he was noted as being a head smaller than his fellow cadets, but filled with drive, enthusiasm, friendliness, and a great sense of humor. He fought in World War I, skyrocketing through the ranks. When World War II broke out, he led an infantry regiment into Poland, then was given command of the 19th Infantry Division, leading it through the Battle of France. His infantry was converted to tanks, turned into a Panzer Division, and sent to Russia as part of Operation Barbarossa. He fought all the way to the outskirts of Moscow, proving to be a competent leader (even though Germany’s attack on Russia was ultimately a disaster). It was his competence and successes that got him awarded the German Cross in gold for “repeated acts of bravery and military leadership,” and the Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross, the highest military award in Nazi Germany. He led many Army Corps and Panzer Corps, constantly proving himself to be a superb leader on both the Western and Eastern Fronts. He was known for his daring, aggressive instincts, and that was why he was sent to Metz to face off with an American also known for his brash aggression: General George S. Patton. On September 6, 1944, Knobelsdorff was placed in charge of the 1st Army, and he arrived in Metz on September 10th. (This chapter takes place on September 11th; I actually made the mistake of name-dropping Knobelsdorff back in Chapter 22, but Knobelsdorff would have still be en route to France, so that was rewritten.) While Knobelsdorff’s greatest skill was knowing when to make tactical retreats in order to preserve his troops and thus hold back invaders for a longer time—a challenging leadership skill to learn—Hitler insanely demanded there be NO retreat in Metz. Knobelsdorff was to hold the city at all costs. He battled Patton for two months, but to be fair, Patton simply did not have the same combat experience as Knobelsdorff, who managed to force Patton into his one and only retreat, with heavy American casualties, and caught Patton in a lengthy battle, giving the rest of the Western Front time to pull back to the Westwall and rebuild the defenses. After months of holding back the Allies, Hitler suddenly ordered Knobelsdorff to transfer some of the tanks in France to prepare for the Ardennes Offensive (AKA “The Battle of the Bulge”). Knobelsdorff saw the folly in the entire plan, and he resisted Hitler’s order. For that defiance, he was removed from his post. He was never given another command. He was taken as a POW, but released a few years after the war. After the war, he wrote military books and lived to be 80 years old, probably still telling jokes and being a friendly, enthusiastic grandfather._

_**Großer Mercedes** – Established in 1926, Mercedes-Benz continues to be one of the largest car manufacturers in the world. They were the automobile of preference for many of society’s elite in the early 20th century: the Rothschilds, Rockefellers, Astors, all billionaires in their own countries. The 770 model, called “Großer Mercedes,” was used by high-ranking Nazi officials. Hitler owned seven Großer Mercedes cars, some for parades where he could stand up and salute the troops, some for traveling between Berlin and his mountain retreat in the Berghof. They were heavily modified with bulletproof glass and steel armor plating. During World War II, Mercedes-Benz compelled 46,000 people into forced labor in their factories. [In 1988](https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1988-06-12-mn-7400-story.html), the company paid reparations to the families of those forced laborers._

_**Shoulderboards** – There were a few ways to mark a soldier’s rank, and it depended on the branch. SS had collar badges with dots or leaves. Many combat uniforms had chevrons on the sleeve since you might not be able to see the collar or the soldier may be in a thick jacket against the Russian winter. Some, including the Heer (Army) used sleeve marks as well as shoulderboards. These buttoned in place through loops in the uniform tunic. Which branch you belonged to in particular was marked by the coloring on the outside. Infantry, like Eren’s group, had a white rim (see above). Gold pips (actually zinc made to look gold, so authentic WWII shoulderboards appear to be silver after 80 years of oxidation) marked higher ranks, with the straps going from plain, to corded, to braided as a soldier rose from enlisted, to a commissioned officer, to Major or higher. Ciphers (pins) marked a soldier’s unit number or job (like paratrooper, anti-tank, medical, veterinarian, etc.)_

_**Infantry Assault** **B** **adge** – An infantryman would receive this if they saw more than three days of combat on the front lines. Eren and his platoon were in Anzio for months, so all of the ones who were there (Jean, Armin, Connie, Thomas, NOT Franz or Floch, they’re new guys) would have this badge pinned onto their tunic pocket._

_**Wound Badge** (Verwundetenabzeichen) – given to people who were wounded, including frostbite. Black Wound Badges mean 1-2 injuries, a silver badge (like what Eren got) means three wounds._

_**Service** **Award** (Dienstauszeichnung) – given to members of the Wehrmacht to honor 4, 12, 18, 25, and 40 years of service. It was not just the medal, but a pin for the ribbon bar to be worn above the pocket. Ribbon bars are still used in the military to simplify things for casual days while still allowing a soldier to show the honors they have received. It was a cornflower blue ribbon with a silver eagle for 4 and 12 years of service, a gold eagle for 18 and 25 years, and an oak leaf wreath below the gold eagle for 40 years._

_**The Iron Cross** (Eisernes Kreuz) – First created in 1813, the symbol goes back to the Teutonic Knights. Hitler changed the Iron Cross slightly, adding a swastika … because of course he would! There were two classes of Iron Cross, after which a soldier got “Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross.” The Iron Cross 2nd Class would be awarded and pinned on the second button hole of the tunic, where it was worn for the first day. Afterward, the cross was pinned to the center of the collar, and the accompanying ribbon was sewn into the second button hole, so he could display that he won the award without having to always wear a medal that might be lost in combat. The Iron Cross 1st Class came without a ribbon (since the soldier already had one) and was pinned to the breast pocket. It came with a ribbon bar of black, white, and red with the cross in the middle._

_**Promotions** – I spent a week scouring the internet in three different languages, trying to find any details about Nazi promotion ceremonies. Besides a few photos, there were no details about how this was done. So, I’m making it up. If one day someone with a PhD in History of the Wehrmacht under Nazi Germany actually knows the details, I would love to chat! Nazis thrived on ceremonial formalities, so hopefully that came across._

_**Stabsgefreiter** – Corporal or Lance Corporal, also Quartermaster, NATO rank OR-4. Normally, it takes three years to reach that rank, but during war, a soldier can reach it quicker. (Example: my father made Corporal in 13 months because he served in combat. After his mandatory two years, he was offered the rank of Sergeant if he agreed to a second tour of duty. He declined … or rather, in his words, “Respectfully, sir, fuck no!”)_

_**Oberleutnant** – 1st lieutenant, just below captain. Congrats to Eren for being promoted, despite Kitz being a total jerk who tested him sadistically over and over again. Eren’s promotion was more one of merit. Normally, it could take 48 months to be promoted to oberleutnant. He did it in nine. (Because he’s a bad-ass!)_

_**Enlisted to Non-Commission to Officer** – Being accepted into officer training school is tough, physical prowess is not enough, one needs leadership training that can take years, and in some countries, you’re required to have a university degree before you can even apply. In Eren’s case, he was in Napola, a military school, and so he was able to get in. While training, he would have served in combat as an officer trainee, under the scrutiny of another officer, to see if he could lead a platoon. This could take two years, and was fiercely competitive. Another option is to simply rise through the ranks and earn your commission. Now, in peace time, this can take 8-12 years. Even the rank Jean had as an Unterofficer would normally take eight years. He reached it in four ( ~~because he’s a bad-ass~~ ) because the easy way to rise in the ranks is wartime field commissions. Basically, someone dies, now you take their place. In Jean’s case, his officer died in Dieppe which catapulted him to Unterofficer (sergeant) so he could take the lead over his platoon. Presumably, he applied for a commission while in Paris, put in work while resting there after Anzio, and has now made it up into the officer’s league._

**_Westwall_ ** _– This has been name-dropped a couple times before. This was a defensive line on Germany’s western border, made up of 18,000 bunkers, tunnels, and tank traps. In English, it’s known as the Siegfried Line. It stretched from the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, France, all the way to the border with Switzerland, more than 630 km (390 mi). We’ll see the Westwall mentioned many times in the upcoming chapters, so remember what it is._

  
_(Sportpalast Berlin)_

_**Speech at the Sportpalast Berlin** – The Sportpalast Berlin was a sports and concert arena, and the site of many Nazi speeches. After the roof was destroyed in the war, it was rebuilt and hosted concerts, including The Beach Boys, Jimi Hendrix, and Pink Floyd. It stopped turning a profit in the 1970s and was demolished. Through the 1930s and 40s, Hitler and other Nazi leaders gave many speeches there. Knobelsdorff paraphrases Hitler from his speech on September 30, 1942: “There are no more privileges by birth certificate, none by former positions in life, none by so-called origin, none by so-called education in former times. There is only one criterion: the criterion of the brave, valiant, loyal man, the determined fighter, the daring man who is fit to be a leader of his people.” By the way, **criterion** is the singular of “criteria.” Many English speakers—myself included—often use criteria in a singular, but technically that is wrong._

  
_(Photo from January 1, 1942. That is not Hitler. I couldn’t find a pic of him on that day.)_

_**Hitler’s New Year’s** **Address to the Wehrmacht** – On January 1, 1942, Hitler addressed the troops on the Eastern Front (the West was control by that point). He ended the speech with this: “Germany will not and cannot be dragged into a new war for its existence or nonexistence by the same criminals every twenty-five years! Europe cannot and will not tear itself to pieces forever, just so that a bunch of Anglo American and Jewish conspirators can find satisfaction for their business machinations in the dissatisfaction of the people. It is our hope that the blood that is spilled in this war will be the last in Europe for generations. May the Lord help us with this in the coming year!”_

* * *

**THE PROBLEM OF FAKE QUOTES**

It is seriously hard to find REAL quotes the internet. Websites like Brainyquote, AZQuotes, and Goodreads are huge spreaders of fake quotes, or they’re misattributed (right words, wrong person). As they spread, they gain legitimacy. Soon they’re on t-shirts, coffee cups, you can even get it tattooed on you. Politicians see the quotes online and start to use them in sessions, thinking they must be real, because who would dare make up a fake quote by a famous person. With repetition, the line between what is historical and what is internet hoax blurs.

Did Thomas Jefferson really say “All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent”? ([No](https://www.monticello.org/site/research-and-collections/all-tyranny-needs-gain-footholdspurious-quotation).) Did Albert Einstein really say “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”? ([No](https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/03/23/same/).) Did Marie Antoinette really say “Let them eat cake”? (No, Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote that a noblewoman said it, but he didn’t say who.) Did Winnie the Pooh really say “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”? ([No](http://poohmisquoted.weebly.com/home/pooh-the-disabled-downhill-slalom-skier), that’s a misquote from the 1975 movie, _The Other Side of the Mountain_.)

When it comes to quotes by Adolf Hitler, [the internet is absolutely seething with misquotes, misattributed quotes, and flat-out false quotes](https://www.bytwerk.com/gpa/falsenaziquotations.htm). Some of these came out in books immediately after the war, when the Allied nations wanted to paint Hitler as a madman out to crush liberties (especially America, we make shit up all the time about our enemies, to this day). They invented quotes for these books to emphasize the threat to democracy. These history books then enjoyed generations of exposure, people assuming “it’s in a book so it must be true,” before historians began to question, “When did Hitler say that? Did he REALLY say that? Where are the citations? Where is the proof? Why does this quote contradict his actual beliefs?” We now know, many Nazi quotes are pure fabrication.

Examples are:

  * “What luck for rulers, that men do not think.” – Over 2 million websites have used this quote, but there is no evidence that Hitler actually said it.

  * “To conquer a nation, first disarm its citizens.” – American pro-gun groups insist that this is a Hitler quote that applies to “radical socialist liberals.” However, Hitler never said this. He actually abolished the Weimar Republic’s gun restriction laws, allowing average German citizens (though not Jews) to buy guns. Besides, how do you disarm the citizens of a nation you have not yet conquered? The quote makes no logical sense.

  * “Truth is the greatest enemy of the state.” – Sometimes attributed to Hitler, sometimes to Goebbels. Neither man ever said this. Far from it, they believed other nations were lying to their people (they were, to be fair) and the German media thrived on finding every instance of Roosevelt or Churchill lying and exposing the truth.

  * “It is not truth that matters, but victory.” – Again, not the sort of thing Hitler supported, and there is no evidence that either Hitler or Goebbels said this.

  * “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.” – One of the most famous Nazi quotes, attributed to either Hitler or Goebbels, and again, there is no record of either saying this. There actually is a section of _Mein Kampf_ that goes into a “big lie.” Hitler said “the broad masses of a nation … more readily fall victims to the big lie than the small lie, since they themselves often tell small lies in little matters.” However, his claim was that it was the Jews making that big lie, and Britain and America were perpetuating the lie through _lügenpresse_ , “lying press,” AKA “fake news.” Hitler’s beliefs were not that one should lie, because lies can be proven to be false, but truth resonates with morality and puts the hearts of the masses at ease. (Of course, that leads to selective truths, which are worse than lying, but that’s another matter.)




Finding real quotes from Hitler was tough. I hate to say it, but the only websites I could find with actual transcripts of his speeches and passages from interviews that were published at the time period … were on Neo-Nazi websites. (Yeah, I end up on those many times while researching for this story.) I made sure the quotes in this chapter ARE REAL, but I will not link to fascist websites.

It’s honestly rather sad: the Allies wanted to paint Hitler in a worse light than reality already made him, so they invented quotes, yet if anything, those actions proved Hitler was right about one thing: the masses easily fall victim to a big lie.


	34. An Officer's Perks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The officers welcome Eren and Jean into their group with a dinner at a fine restaurant, a drive through town, and a night of drinking, but they have one more surprise for Eren, and he definitely does NOT like this particular perk of being a Heer officer.

_(Cultural note: The Germans refer to a man as “Negro.” Today in America and some other countries, this term is offensive, but in other nations, and in the 1940s, this was the preferred terminology. This is a good example of the evolution of the English language when it comes to labels. So, Eren is not being racist by calling him a Negro. He’s using the proper term for the time period.)_

It was barely noon when the drinking started. The clouds and fog had cleared away, the sky was a vivid blue, and Eren found himself the center of a massive celebration. Jean was showing off his new officer uniform, Armin was getting plied with drinks to celebrate his promotion, and many of Eren’s platoon wanted to see his new Iron Cross.

“Did you really get close enough to the Americans to see their watches?”

Eren chuckled as he drank a beer. “I could have stolen their Rolex and showed it to you.”

“Steal their gun next time! I want to see a real Smith & Wesson.”

Enlisted and officers mingled, and it spilled out into the streets, which brought more soldiers who did not mind an excuse to have a drink. Soon, Eren was being cheered by men he had never seen before. It really reinforced the feeling of fraternity. They were all Germans, all Aryans, all one people.

There was a nice feeling of nationalistic pride in that.

“We need food!” Griez declared. “Niccolo’s is nearby.”

Holger cheered. “That place is the best.”

“Come on,” Samuel urged, grabbing Jean and Eren by the shoulders. “Officers only. We’ll walk there.”

“Eren shouldn’t walk,” Jean insisted.

Eren turned over to Jean with wide, surprised eyes. Since Eren arrived to take command of the platoon, Jean had always addressed him formally as _Leutnant_ or Jäger. Rarely did he call him by his first name, and never in public.

Eren wanted to protest that he was in the middle of listening to an interesting story from one of the new recruits, but Jean suddenly bellowed out.

“Floch! Get over here. You better not be drunk.”

Floch leaped forward like an eager puppy with eyes only for Eren. “Do you need to be driven somewhere, _Herr Oberleutnant_?”

Eren did not want to seem rude to the men who were trying to welcome him into their little club. He turned to the _soldat_ who was talking and patted the young man on the back. “Tell me the story later,” he said, just before getting dragged away.

They drove just a few streets over, enjoying the sunshine, the old charm of Metz, with autumn leaves fluttering down. They came to a large restaurant, elegant décor, definitely not the sort of place normal soldiers went to. As they stepped inside, sure enough, Eren saw mostly men in fine suits, ladies wearing stylish dresses, and German officers.

A waiter showed them to a booth, where they crowded in, trying to fit them all. They glanced through menus, and after a few minutes a young, blond man wearing an apron walked up with a beaming smile.

“Griez! You old rascal, I thought it was you. Back again for my burgundy? I’m running out of bottles of the ‘28 and down to a single bottle of the ‘29.”

The broad officer sitting at the end of the semi-circular booth stood up and gave the man a hug. “Jean, Eren, this is Niccolo de Marley. He runs the best damn restaurant in the city. Well, his parents do, technically, but he runs nearly all aspects of the business these days.”

“Father says he’ll retire as soon as the war’s over.”

“He’s been saying that for two years. Where is that old man?” Griez asked, glancing around the building. “He’s normally right up front to greet everyone.”

“Ah, he and Mother left the city. They said it’s getting too dangerous for their liking, but I insisted on staying. There’s too much work to be done here in Metz.”

“And too many hungry officers to feed,” Griez teased.

Niccolo laughed. “That’s true! So, what can I get everyone?”

They went around the table putting in orders for food and drinks. Eren was stuck between Jean and Floch, and he realized the young soldier was looking anxious, frowning as he looked over the menu. Eren glanced around, then leaned into his ear.

“It’s my treat, my gift to you on your promotion. Really, order whatever you want.”

Floch looked up at him in astonishment. “No way, sir! I could never—”

“Accept my offer, or I’m buying you the most expensive plate on the menu.”

Floch struggled not to burst into giddy smiles, and he focused down again on the menu, determined to order something that was good enough to satisfy Eren’s generosity but not expensive.

They drank wine as they waited for their food. Eren cringed with the first glass he ordered, so Griez, determined to prove that wine could be good, had him try many different types. Eren found the burgundy was a bit more to his liking, so Griez shouted for a whole bottle.

Niccolo arrived with the food, and he and his staff made sure they had everything. One of the servers caught everyone’s attention. A tall, strong-built man with ebony skin held trays of food. Eren could hardly help but stare at the man’s dark skin in awe.

“A Negro? Here in Metz?” he muttered to himself.

Oliver scoffed and shook his head. “Disgusting.”

Samuel added, “Yeah, make sure he doesn’t touch my cup this time.” He leaned over to Jean. “It’s a shock to see, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” he muttered. “The last Negro I saw was in Italy, but it wasn’t up close.”

Eren’s brow furrowed as he looked at the waiter, following the fluid movements of his long limbs, the curliness of his hair, the way his palms were pale while the rest of his skin had a chocolaty gleam, and those eyes! Such dark, gentle, wide eyes. How long had it been since he had seen a person with skin so dark? It was almost unheard of in Germany. He had gone his whole childhood without ever once seeing a person whose skin was not pale white.

Floch whispered, “I’ve never seen a Negro. It’s fascinating.”

“Nothing fascinating about it,” Daz scoffed. “They’re disgusting apes.”

“He has ears,” Surma pointed out. “He can hear you.”

Daz shrugged unconcerned. “He probably doesn’t understand.”

Eren chided, “If I was him, I’d spit in your drink.”

Samuel shivered in disgust. “He better not! I’d take him out back myself and shoot him.”

Niccolo saw Eren watching and smiled knowingly. “You’re new here. This is Onyankopon. He’s a servant who has been with my family his whole life. I promise, he has not touched the food. He only helps to carry things and does the cleaning. He’s a big help to my family, and especially without my parents around, I have to start using him as a server as well. I understand if it’s a problem. I can call upon other staff, but it may be a longer wait.”

“He’s just doing his job,” Wim stated.

“I still don’t want him to touch my cup,” Samuel insisted.

“He should be shot,” Oliver grumbled.

Holger sighed. “You say that all the time. Were you beaten up by a Negro as a kid or something?”

Griez rolled his eyes. “Onyankopon is a servant. Let him be.”

“I just want to eat,” Phil exclaimed. “So long as the food is good, I don’t care if it was made by a troop of monkeys in the kitchen!”

“I agree,” said Surma. “Let the man run his restaurant the way that works. That’s why we force inferior races to work in factories, right? They are a natural workforce to serve us Germans.”

Eren playfully pushed on Samuel’s tunic. “Our uniforms are made with the hands of men like that, and you’re worried about one touching your glass?”

“Which is why I wash my uniform before I put on a new one. Who knows _what_ touched it!”

“Guys, I’m hungry,” Holger wailed.

“Baby needs to eat,” Griez teased.

Eren stood up. “I’m highest ranked, I’ll make the decision.”

Jean exclaimed over-dramatically, “He’s lording it over us already!”

Eren smiled at Niccolo and Onyankopon. “The Negro may serve the food.”

“Very good, sirs,” Niccolo said, looking relieved that this was not going to cause a problem. He hurried off to attend to other customers while the staff continued to set out the plates.

Luckily, the men ignored who was pouring the drinks and bringing more baskets of bread. If anything, a few grew more demanding, but Onyankopon was fast on his feet, fetching them everything they ordered without a single sign of complaint.

As the meat vanished off plates and more wine filled glasses, the Lieutenant’s Floor group were eager to welcome both Eren and Jean into their little club.

“Do you have a girl back home?” Holger asked Jean.

“No, I wish!” he declared. “I’ve been fighting for four years. I haven’t had time to get married.”

“Then you’re with us,” Phil said, wrapping his arms around Holger and Daz. “The bachelors! Although Daz uses the prostitutes so much, it’s a good thing he has no lady waiting.”

Griez teased, “Yeah, because no woman wants such an old face for a young man.”

They laughed, but Daz protested, “There’s nothing wrong with my face.”

“You already have wrinkles.”

“I get stressed!” he protested.

Eren was near Surma, so asked him, “What about you?”

“Ah!” He pulled out his wallet and brought out a beaten photo of a woman wearing a _SS-Helferinnenkorps_ uniform. “My girlfriend. She’s strong, brave, and she loves her country dearly. She serves where she can.”

Holger perked up. “Oh! Wim, show the baby. She’s adorable!”

Although normally quiet, Wim smiled as he pulled out his own wallet and passed around a photo of a woman with a tiny newborn in her arms. “She was born in May.”

Eren’s eyes softened at the sight of the young family. “This is what we fight for.”

“Yes,” Wim said simply, and he put the picture away.

“Your wife is lovely too.”

“She’s hot!” Daz cried out. “If I had a woman that beautiful, I would have figured out a way to stay out of the military.”

“Unlike Oliver’s wife!” Griez teased.

“Oh! Show him, show him.”

Oliver, the eldest of the group, defended, “There’s nothing wrong with my wife!”

Holger reached behind him and yanked his wallet out of his pocket. Oliver made a grab at him, but Holger swiftly ducked under the table. He crawled back out, popping up like a meerkat in the aisle between their booth and other tables, with the other lieutenants roaring with laughs. He rifled through the wallet and showed Eren a photo just for a few seconds before Oliver bolted across the table, knocking off silverware and forcing men to grab their glasses. He grabbed Holger’s wrist and twisted it, forcing him to release the wallet and photograph.

Eren briefly saw a fierce-looking woman with a broad and square face and glowering eyes, dressed in a uniform. He softly exclaimed, “She looks like a prison guard.”

The group burst out laughing. “She is! She is!”

Oliver tucked the picture away. “I’m proud of her. She worked her way through the ranks, joined the _SS-Gefolge_ , then trained to become part of the _SS-Helferinnenkorps_ , and she rose to be an _Aufseherin_.”

“What exactly is that?” asked Eren. The word merely meant _female overseer_.

“She works in one of the concentration camps called Auschwitz, somewhere in southern Poland, near Kraków. Her face is grim, but her cooking is amazing, and she’s a good mother.”

“She’s raising children in the middle of a prison?” asked Jean.

“No. While she’s serving there, our sons are with my parents back in Dresden. We didn’t want our sons to be anywhere near those Jews.” He took a drink of his wine and muttered, “I wish they would just kill all of them so she can go back home.”

“And you, Eren?” asked Holger. “We asked last night, but I don’t recall that you answered.”

He smiled and shook his head. “I have no woman waiting for me.”

Jean elbowed him. “This man was turning down women all the time when we were stationed in Paris. For weeks, I thought for sure it was because he was married, but nope!”

“Germany is my mother, my wife—”

“— _and my lover_ ,” Jean cut in.

Floch burst into laughs. “Connie was right, you actually do say that to avoid women.”

Eren pouted stubbornly. “Women are complicated. I’d rather dedicate myself to Germany.”

Jean teased, “You’d marry Hitler, if you were a woman.”

Eren glared over at him. “Are you drunk?”

“Maybe,” he admitted.

Surma said studiously, “A patriotic and moral stance not commonly seen these days. Be careful, though. In Roman times, soldiers were not allowed to marry, believing it would make them focus more on battle, and instead they took to buggering little boys.”

Eren sneered. “Trust me, I have no interest in little boys,” he said, thinking about that quote from the Bible he had read. “I turned down the random whores and horny girls in the Parisian taverns so I wouldn’t get a disease. Officers got their own professional women.”

“Yeah, they have those here,” said Daz. “We should get you one for tonight, treat yourself to a little dessert. We wouldn’t want such a fine officer to be tempted by a man’s ass.”

Eren rolled his eyes and seriously hoped they did not follow through with that.

Oliver thought about what Eren had said earlier. “Shouldn’t Germany be your father? It’s the fatherland, after all.”

Jean shouted with food still in his mouth, “I’ve said that many times.”

Eren shook his head. “My father was a terrible man. Mothers are the ones who nourish us.”

Wim stated, “But fathers are the ones who protect us, as Hitler shall protect us.”

“ _Heil Hitler,_ ” Samuel shouted.

The whole group cheered back, “ _Heil Hitler!_ ”

Eren stared down at his deep red wine, like holding a cup of blood. “Yes, Hitler shall protect us.”

Yet Hitler would call for Levi to be executed as a Jew, and he would be thrown into a labor camp for being homosexual. Hitler would not protect him like a father. The man he had been taught to admire as a savior was nothing more than a tyrant.

Daz checked his pocket watch. “We’ve got five hours before Carly starts work.”

“Who’s Carly?” asked Eren.

Samuel chuckled. “You’ll find out.”

“How about a drive around Metz?” Phil offered. “We’ve got your driver here. Let’s show you around.”

“That sounds like fun,” Eren decided, eager to see the rest of the city. “Floch?”

“I’d be honored to, _Herr Oberleutnant_ , but I don’t know the streets yet,” he said, cringing slightly with shame.

“Don’t worry,” Griez said with a bit of smugness. “I’ve lived here for two years. I know the place inside and out.”

They ended up spending the rest of the day on a long tour. The men shouted to other soldiers and hooted at any young woman they saw, hanging out of the opened truck, a little tipsy and feeling the rush that comes when you know a battle will be arriving soon. Live for today, because who knows what tomorrow may bring!

The men pointed out their favorite beer halls and where young women often hung out. They drove past the Opéra-Théâtre de Metz Métropole, the 1500-year-old Eglise Saint-Pierre-aux-Nonnains, and they stopped at the Cathedral of Saint-Etienne. Here, they got out of the truck and filed inside for some sightseeing. Eren finally got to witness sunlight pouring through the stained glass windows and was left in awe. Then they drove along the Canal de la Moselle and cruised by a Protestant church called Evangelische Stadtkirche Metz, built when Metz was a German town under Kaiser Wilhelm II.

“This is where you’ll want to go to church,” Griez told Eren.

Holger quickly added, “That is, if you’re Protestant. If you’re Catholic, the cathedral is lovely.”

Eren smiled, privately glad that Holger was more inclusive. “I’m Lutheran.”

“Oh! There’s a Lutheran church somewhere, right Griez?” asked the lithe blond soldier.

He shrugged. “It’s small, but it’s somewhere. I’m honestly not sure where, never been to it.”

“I’m not picky,” Eren assured them. “This one looks lovely. Very German.”

“It is!” Holger cried out. “I have an uncle who helped to build this church.”

Jean suddenly cried out, “Oh hey! I want to see my aunt. She lives here.”

Eren teased, “I don’t want to meet your smelly aunt.”

“She’s not smelly! And she may have cookies.”

Holger squealed in excitement. “Ohhhhh, cookies!”

They decided to drive there, and Jean hugged a tiny, slightly rotund woman who, sure enough, had cookies she had baked as soon as she learned that her nephew was in town. They ended up enjoying the little visit, sitting in plush chairs, sipping wine and eating sweets. It was a reminder to them all of the importance of family.

For Eren, he gazed at the joy in Jean’s eyes, not sure if he ever saw the man looking so relaxed. Certainly not in battle, when Jean had a fierce face hardened by years of war. He was glad that Jean got to show off his new uniform, got kissed by his aunt—much to his disgust and everyone else’s laughs—and in general, that one of his men could have this moment to remember what was important, what they were fighting for, and why Metz could not fall into the hands of the American invaders.

After over an hour with the sweet woman, they piled into the car and drove on. They checked out the other barracks, where the officers stopped by to make sure their own platoons were doing well. They drove all around the historical sites around the city that had been around since medieval times, and even drove as far south as the internment camp called Feste Göben.

As the sun began to sink, they found a tavern already bustling with soldiers, and decided this was a good place to continue to party and have supper. Now, they allowed themselves to get more drunk. Steins of beer clinked, they cheered and told jokes, and Phil got into a drinking match with some SS officer.

“Girls!” Daz shouted, waving around his beer stein. “It’s past sunset. Carly’s gonna be starting work soon. Let’s get some girls for the new lieutenant, and our heroic _oberleutnant_.”

Eren felt a kick of panic. “No, I—” but he was cut off by the others cheering.

Samuel elbowed Daz. “You can’t keep it in your pants much longer, can you?”

“I shouldn’t be forced to. It’s unhealthy,” he insisted, already pulling on a coat to leave. “Eren, can I use your driver?”

Eren turned to Floch. “Do you mind?”

“Umm…” He looked timid and asked, “Could I maybe get a girl too?”

The men burst into laughs.

“Are you a virgin, boy?”

Floch began to turn crimson.

“He is, he is, he’s a maiden!” they roared.

Daz yanking him along. “You just got promoted up from _soldat_ , right? Then you deserve to celebrate as well. Tell you what, the first girl is my treat, as thanks for driving us around the city all day. Don’t worry, Carly has girls who are great at breaking in virgins. They’re experienced women, so they help you learn what to do.”

“I … I know what to do,” Floch said defensively.

“It’s not like with your hand, maiden boy.”

They left together, and Eren slouched over his beer. If he insisted on going home now, it would be suspicious. If he turned down taking a prostitute, these men did not know him like Jean, Armin, Connie, and the others, who could just laugh it off as Eren being prudish. Armin even confessed that constantly turning down girls in Paris led to Connie cracking jokes that maybe Eren was homosexual.

If even his own men used to think that, these officers, who had no bonds of brotherhood with him, might report Eren to the Gestapo for being aberrant. Especially now, with Levi relying on him, he could not be detained, or worse, have the Gestapo do a thorough investigation and check the attic of the hotel.

He was trapped. While the men around him laughed and talked crudely about what they liked in a woman, Eren felt ice in his veins. How could he get out of this without making people suspicious of him?

“What about you, Eren?” asked Holger. “What do you look for in a woman?”

Nothing, because he had never been attracted to one. Still, he knew how to lie. “I like them a little on the petite side.”

Oliver scoffed. “Small women make bad mothers.”

“But they make amazing lovers,” Eren swiftly countered.

The men laughed, and Eren smiled along. He knew this role he had to play. He had years of acting, pretending, all to hide the truth.

He just hoped he could hide it a little bit longer.

# # #

# #

#

_It felt weird, name-dropping Niccolo without a surname, so I gave him the name “Niccolo de Marley.” I mean, in the manga, he is “from Marley” so it works. I don’t know if the anime will eventually give him a surname, or change the spelling of his name as they often do. If so, I will adjust as we see him again._

  
_(ruins of Dresden after the firebombing)_

_Oliver oh-so-casually drops that his wife works in **Auschwitz**. He also mentions his children are living with his parents in **Dresden**. On February 13-15, 1945, British and American forces [firebombed the city](https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/firebombing-of-dresden), reducing it to [ash and rubble](https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/enormous-360-degree-panoramic-picture-dresden-after-allied-bombing-1945-1484905), and killing 25,000 people. Not a good future for his family._

_**Evangelische Stadtkirche Metz** – The German name for what is known today as **Le Temple Neuf** (The New Church), an Evangelical church built to accommodate a huge surge of Protestants after Metz fell into German control following the Franco-Prussian War. It was completed in 1904 and inaugurated by Kaiser Wilhelm II._

_**Feste Göben** – The German name for what is known today as Fort Queuleu. It was an internment camp, mostly for French political prisoners, but Jews were processed through there, before being sent to larger concentration camps. By the time Eren arrived, the internment camp was empty._

* * *

[ **WOMEN IN NAZI GERMANY** ](https://military.wikia.org/wiki/Women_in_Nazi_Germany)

At first, Hitler urged women to stay home, raise lots of babies, and he deemed mothers to be heroes of the nation. However, single women were treated as second-class citizens, called “the weaker sex,” and Hitler was very much against the idea of women working in factories. He felt that a woman with a job meant a man without a job.

As the war began, attitudes changed. Hitler still did not want women on the battlefield or in arms factories, but he realized they could filled roles within Germany itself and free up men to be sent into battle. So many single women, wives and mothers who needed extra money, or women who had a strong sense of loyalty to Germany and the Führer, joined as “helpers” to the SS.

_**SS-Gefolge**_ (“entourage”) – They were civilian women, ages 17-45, who did volunteer work to help out the SS, acting as nurses in the German Red Cross, or as secretaries, typists, and messengers. They were not part of the SS, nor were they required to be members of the Nazi Party. In fact, only 5% were Nazi Party members. They had to pass background checks to ensure “pure Aryan blood,” but otherwise, most were unskilled, recruited through newspapers, or led into joining by the _Bund Deutscher Mädel_ (German Girls’ League). Later in the war, up to a quarter million women were conscripted and forced to work.

_**SS-Helferinnenkorps**_ (“helper corps”) – Unlike the _SS-Gefolge_ , where only 5% were members of the Nazi Party, the _SS-Helferinnenkorps_ were staunchly loyal to Nazism. They had to pass a strict selection process, prove racial purity, and were trained at the Reichsschule-SS in Oberehnheim. They went through basic training, a curriculum steeped in Nazi propaganda, such as watching _[Jud Süß](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jud_S%C3%BC%C3%9F)_ , considered one of the most antisemitic films of all time. After training, they were accepted into the Waffen-SS, and fully in the _SS-Sippengemeinschaft_ (SS clan community). They got to wear uniforms of drab green with a skirt and the runic SS on their blazers, similar to their male counterparts. _SS-Helferinnen_ were staff assistants, in charge of auxiliary transmissions; telephone, telegraph and transmission operators; radio operators, stenographers, etc. Some worked in the Reich Security Main Office, while others worked in the concentration camps. Many women wanted to be stationed at the concentration camps, since it was away from the bombing raids on major German cities, thus it was seen as a safer place for the women. After World War II, many _SS-Helferinnen_ were mistaken as _SS-Gefolge_ or seen as military assistants, and therefore were not prosecuted as members of the SS.

_**Aufseherin**_ (“female overseer”) – These guards served in the concentration camps, mostly in women’s camps like Ravensbrück, but also Auschwitz-Birkenau, Mauthausen, and Bergen-Belsen. As many as 10% of all guards at concentration camps were women. Male SS members were not allowed inside the women’s camps, so that left the Overseers to handle matters, and they did so with excessive sadism. Their training was designed to harden them psychologically, to not only see Jews as subhuman, but to completely separate any possible feeling of remorse or sympathy from the prisoners. Some carried guns, most used truncheons, whips, sticks, or their boots to beat inmates. A few assisted in medical experiments on inmates, while others helped to select who was sent to the gas chambers. Horror stories of beating with whips, stomping children to death, and using the tattooed skins of gassed prisoners to make lamp shades, came out of the concentration camps after they were liberated, with overseer women being given nicknames like “Sadist of Stutthof,” “Beautiful Beast of Belsen,” “The Stomping Mare,” “The Witch of Buchenwald,” and “Hyena of Auschwitz.”


	35. Testing Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren meets Carly, a drug-dealing brothel madame, who hooks him up with Louise, a timid young woman forced into prostitution. When Eren brings her back to his room, Levi overhears more than he wants.

Half an hour later, Daz and Floch returned with a car full of blond-haired, blue-eyed young women. The prostitutes were herded in by a woman with auburn hair, seductive brown eyes, a cigarette hanging from her ruby lips, wearing a blouse that drooped off her shoulders and accentuated her voluptuous breasts.

“We’re in luck,” shouted Daz. “This time, we have some who speak German.”

Phil slipped up to one. “Oh, I like her right away. You have beautiful lips.” He grabbed the girl’s face and yanked her head up. “I can’t wait to feel them on my dick.” Then he immediately kissed her.

Eren saw the shocked look on the girl. She looked no older than sixteen. As officers began to pick a prostitute for the night, Eren turned away, frantically trying to think how he could get out of this.

Jean looked over, seeing the scowl on Eren’s face. “You don’t want one?”

“They obviously don’t want to be here,” he grumbled. “What would it prove, to take a woman who doesn’t even want you?”

“You said you took the prostitutes for officers in Paris. What’s the difference here?”

He could not say, because he had no idea. He knew officers in Paris were given the option of vetted professional prostitutes, making sure the ladies could speak German, were not politically affiliated, and not sullied with disease. Obviously, he never once used them.

Eren turned and saw the auburn-haired woman smoking a cigarette and swaying to some music, obviously happy to get some business. “Where are they from?” he demanded of her.

Daz snapped, “Speak politely to Madame Carly.”

“Who the hell is she?” he grumbled.

Griez was nearby and explained, “She runs the brothel.”

The lady turned toward Eren at his shout, and he saw her clearer, particularly the armband.

“She’s a Jew!” he whispered in shock.

Griez grunted. “Disgusting, I know. When I first arrived in Metz, all the prostitutes were Jews. Apparently, Carly ran the brothel long before we Germans even arrived. Then they shipped all the Jews out, but Carly was good at her job, and she’s a favorite of someone high up, so she was allowed to stay to run the new brothel. It helps that she speaks French, German, and Russian.”

“Russian?” he asked in shock.

“Well, yeah. Most of these girls were captured on the Eastern Front.”

He looked around at the women, most of them resigned with an emotional void in their eyes, letting men touch them but not reacting, too numb even for disgust anymore. They were just innocent girls from Poland, Ukraine, or Russia, captives shipped back to German-occupied lands for the pleasure of soldiers.

“Sex slaves,” Eren whispered in horror. As he watched, he saw Carly plop a pill into one officer’s drink. Eren began to bolt up, fearing she was poisoning them, but Griez laughed as he held Eren back.

“Don’t worry. It’s not really a secret that Carly is the biggest drug dealer in Metz, although no one will come out and admit it.”

“Do they know she’s giving it to them?”

“Watch closer,” he said.

He did, and he saw Phil slipping Carly a little money. In return, she sneaked a pill into his drink.

“What is it?” asked Eren.

“Who knows? Something the French use. It keeps you erect for hours.”

The woman sauntered up to Jean and Eren. “You boys are new,” she said, her German tinted heavily with a French accent. She ran her hands up Jean’s chest and licked her lips. “Oh, I know just the girl for a tall man like you. I bet you like them busty, _oui_?” She walked back to some girls standing off to the side and brought one over. “You don’t even need to be gentle with this one.” She pulled the girl’s chin up and whispered heatedly, “You enjoy it, don’t you?”

The woman looked like she was in a drugged euphoria. “Yes, Madame Carly,” she muttered, and she slithered up to Jean, her face already flushed with desire.

Eren frowned at that. Drugging the men _and_ the women!

Carly walked up to Eren, but she paused. She leaned back, held her chin, and eyed him up and down. “You’re a difficult one. You don’t like them prepped, I see.”

“You mean drugged,” he said in disgust.

“You want a lover who is willing. I have a few. What sort of lady do you normally like?”

Eren felt flustered and stuttered. “N-No particular kind.”

Jean shouted over, “He likes them petite. His last girl was a tiny blond Frenchwoman. She almost looked like a child. Maybe he likes them underage.”

“I don’t!” Eren snapped. “And who the hell are you talking about?”

“That girl! The cute blond one. Don’t tell me you already forgot about her.”

Eren thought back. “Wait, Krista?” He realized most of his men probably thought he had been hanging around Krista a lot just before they left the village because they were a couple. They never guessed it was because he had been plotting with the French Resistance to release the Jews.

Carly still stared at Eren. “You like tiny French maids, _oui_?”

“She just happened to be there,” Eren said defensively.

Carly hummed in deep thought. “I can normally tell what a man likes right away, by where he looks on me or how he responds to stimuli. You, though! You’re intriguing.” She chuckled and got even closer to Eren, pressing her body up against his. “I might even want a night with you myself to work out this little enigma.”

Eren backed up, but luckily Griez shoved Carly away.

“A Jewish whore like you should never be allowed to touch a German officer. I don’t care if your filthy claws are in some Major’s pants, I will not allow you near these men, you _Judensau_.”

Carly backed off with a glare at him. “No woman for you tonight.”

“Easy, Griez,” said Eren. “She was just joking.”

“Don’t defend a Jew,” Griez shouted.

Daz now came over. “Hey! Don’t lay hands on Madame Carly.”

“Easy, easy,” Eren called out, shoving the two away before it turned into a fight. “No harm done.”

Carly smiled as she watched Eren trying to keep the peace, and even more surprised that he defended her despite being a Jew. “I know just the girl. She’s new, I hadn’t planned to use her yet, but I think you’re the perfect gentleman to ease her in.”

That brought Samuel over. “Hey, is she a virgin? Because I would pay triple for a virgin.”

Carly ignored his question and left back to the group of women she had brought along. She returned with a waif of a girl, bashful, her light-colored hair cut to her shoulders and hanging limply. Her blue eyes were huge, but there was slight fear in them, a woman who had never been used as a prostitute and was worried what that meant.

Upon seeing her, Samuel lost interest. “She doesn’t have much sex appeal.” He turned to the woman with him and slid his hands along her curvy hips. “Not like this one. Hey Eren, if you ever want a _real_ woman, I’ve had her six times, and I can vouch, she’s good.”

Carly was whispering to the thin girl in French, words of encouragement and to calm her worries. She brought the girl right up to Eren.

“Her name is Louise. Be gentle with her. Show her that charm you have, and she will respond well. You may need to win her over, but I can tell,” she said, patting Eren’s cheek, “that’s what you like!”

She walked away to make sure the rest of the men had everything they wanted, including any drugs. Meanwhile, Eren faced the girl in front of him.

“Uh … hi,” he said awkwardly. “I’m Eren.”

She lowered her head, obviously nervous.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Don’t worry. I would never do anything you don’t want.”

She looked up, and Eren could tell that she did not believe him. He thought frantically.

“Would you like some food? Something to drink?” Still, she said nothing. “Louise, right? I told you, don’t worry. Come on.” He took her hand, and instantly she went stiff. “It’s okay. We’ll sit at a table and you can eat.”

He found a table for the two of them against the wall, and Louise obediently ate the food Eren ordered for her. Mostly, she just sat with her eyes downcast.

“She said you were French,” he mentioned casually. “Where are you from?”

“Nearby,” she said, her lips shivering. “Mécleuves, to the south.”

“Did you come to Metz for work?”

Her breath caught sharply, and she hesitated before shaking her head. “Not quite. Soldiers came to my family’s farm and demanded that I come along. They did that to all the farmers, any girls sixteen or older, at least a hundred of us.”

Eren’s brow tightened. “You were kidnapped?”

She looked aside. “I’m not supposed to talk about that.”

Instantly sympathizing, Eren reached across the table and took her hand. Louise jolted, but when she looked at Eren, she saw nothing but pity.

“I will not do anything you don’t want to do, I swear.”

She looked confused and even more scared. “I’m … I’m supposed to—”

“Keep me company,” he cut in. “You are right now, just like this.”

She shook her head. “But, later, I’m … we’re going to…” Her voice hitched in terror.

“Hey,” he said softly. Eren thought back through what little French he had learned and remembered one phrase he had committed to memory. “ _Vous êtes en sécurité avec moi._ ” You’re safe with me.

Her eyes went huge at hearing the gentle words in her own language, and a tiny smile of hope fluttered on his pale, trembling lips. “ _Parlez-vous français, monsieur?_ ”

He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m afraid not. A good man taught me a few words, that’s all. How do you know German?”

“My grandfather is a German. He lives with us … or, he did,” she said, ending in a whisper.

“Did he move because of the war?”

She slowly shook her head. “When the soldiers came, he went out to speak with them. He argued that since I was a quarter German, I should be spared. They said they might have considered it if I had been half German, but not a quarter. He pulled a gun on them and told me to run.” Her eyes began to bead up with tears. “They shot him. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive.”

Eren gave her hand a squeeze. Then he pulled out his handkerchief and handed it over. Louise dabbed her eyes and tried to hold back any other tears.

“I ended up with Madame Carly because I speak German, and I said I would come willingly if they spared the rest of my family.”

“That was brave of you, and it was a sacrifice you should _not_ have been forced to make.”

She struggled as a smile flitted on her tense lips. “You seem a lot nicer than most of these men.”

“Most of them are assholes,” he said lightly.

She managed a soft chuckle. She made one last dab at her eyes and handed back the handkerchief. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You’ve been through a lot. It would be strange if you did not shed any tears. Have you tried writing to your family?”

“We’re not allowed.”

“Then give me your parents’ address. I’ll write a letter for you.”

She looked astonished by the offer. “Won’t you get into trouble?”

“I doubt it, and if anyone questions, I’ll come up with an excuse. What does your family grow on the farm?”

“We milk cows and make cheese.”

“Then I’ll say I heard from their daughter that they make really excellent cheese, and I would like some.” He smiled consolingly and took her hand again. “At the very least, your parents should know you are safe, and you should know if your grandfather is okay.”

Louise looked overwhelmed by the warmth, unable even to get a word of thanks out of her choked-up throat.

Carly came around and saw Eren holding Louise’s hand across the table. She smiled to herself as she sauntered forward. “Does she satisfy you, _Herr Oberleutnant_?”

Deep in his heart, Eren really did not want this woman to be used by these men. If he could shield her from that for a little while longer, then he would.

“Yes, you picked the perfect girl,” he said, keeping his calming eyes on Louise.

“More like I picked the perfect man for her. Do you have any questions for me before we make this final?”

“Yes,” he said swiftly. “Is she allowed to receive letters?”

Carly chuckled and let out a stream of cigarette smoke. “Are you already interested in writing to her?”

“I mean,” he said, and his voice dropped quieter, “from outside.”

Carly paused, and a smile melted onto her ruby lips. She bent over, leaning on the table and getting right up in Eren’s face. “You mean her parents.”

“Is that allowed?”

“No. Any mail coming to the brothel is inspected. My girls are vetted. If she were to receive a letter from family, she would fall under their suspicion, lose my protection, and be sent to the regular brothel, where she will be used by twenty to thirty men every single day, in and out of her room like clockwork.”

“Could I hand-deliver her a letter?”

Carly took a drag on her cigarette, watching him carefully. “Technically, I should answer _no_ , but … if she happened to see a letter in your possession, and that letter stayed in your possession, who would even know?”

Eren smiled and glanced over to Louise, who grinned with hopefulness at him. Carly glanced back and forth between them with a warm glow in her brown eyes.

“How much can I trust you with her?” she whispered, so close that Eren could smell the cigarette scent of her breath.

He felt like this was a challenge. “I won’t harm her.”

She gazed over his face, taking in every unspoken emotion. “It’s obvious you don’t want this life for her. Neither do I,” she admitted. “She doesn’t deserve this. None of them do, but my hands are tied,” she said, glancing briefly to the Jewish armband, “and most of these girls have no way to get back home. She stands a chance. Would you be her gallant knight and save her from this life?”

Eren tried to hold still, but he felt his face flinch. What she was asking was dangerous, not just for him but for her as the madame of the brothel. Yet he knew, deep in his heart, that if he knew _how_ to save this woman, he would.

Carly smiled, seeing the unspoken answer clearly on his face. “You’ve hidden secrets before,” she deduced. With a sudden flash of realization, she laughed to herself. “Oh, I think I figured out what makes you so … queer.”

Eren felt a moment of panic.

“Don’t worry,” Carly whispered. She reached forward, slipped a piece of paper into Eren’s breast pocket, and gave it a pat. “I won’t tell if you don’t tell.” Then, in just a wisp of air, she said, “I can’t save them all, but if you can save her, I’ll cover for you from now on.”

“Why?” he asked.

Her bare shoulders shrugged. “I chose this life. They did not.” She leaned back up and gave him a wink. “I hope you enjoy your evening, _Herr Oberleutnant_.”

She moved away, a swaying gait that grabbed the attention of every man there. Eren wanted to check out the paper, but just then Jean crashed into the table, his hair tousled, his face flushed, the woman with him giggling as she looked ready to shred his clothes off.

“Hotel. Now,” Jean said breathlessly.

Eren shoved him aside and stood up. He gazed over them all and shook his head. Even little Holger had a prostitute with him, talking animatedly to her over beers, although the woman looked dazed, vapidly staring ahead. Disgusting! But what could he do? Carly was right; he could not save them all. He glanced down at Louise. If he could save just one … _just one_ of these girls…

“Floch, get the truck.”

The young soldier looked helplessly overwhelmed by the woman he was with. “Oh, yes, r-right!” He hurried off.

Eren walked up to Griez, who was sulking since Carly held true to her decision that he would not get a woman that night. “There isn’t room for everyone and all the girls too.”

“There are taxi services for officers. Don’t worry,” he said. “I guess I’m the sane one here. I’ll buy a couple bottles of wine, get them all home, and get drunk alone.”

Eren turned back to Louise. Again, she sat with downcast eyes, twisting her fingers together nervously.

Griez frowned at the timidity. “Are you sure you want that one? She seems rather skittish.”

Eren gave him a wily smile. “It makes the hunt even better.”

Griez laughed and gave him a hearty pat on the back. “You _are_ a Jäger, after all. Have fun snaring her.”

Eren chuckled and turned away, feeling sick just playing along. He walked back over to Louise and stretched his hand out to her. Hesitant but trusting, she took it.

“It’ll be all right,” he whispered as he led her to the truck.

Floch, Jean, Eren, and the three women rode back. Jean’s girl whooped at riding in an open-top car, while Floch’s woman looked more serious, an actual professional prostitute with experience in what to do. Louise looked mildly terrified and flinched at each bump.

Eren asked, “Have you ever ridden in a car before?”

“Only twice,” she said. “The day they brought me here from the farm, and tonight riding with Madame Carly.” She squeaked when they hit a bump.

He held her arm, just trying to be supportive, and it seemed to work. She calmed down as she gazed up at him.

They reached the hotel, but while Jean rushed upstairs with his girl and Floch drove off to find a room to rent for the night, Eren took his time, heavily relying on his cane, flinching at each step up the winding staircase.

“Are you all right?” Louise asked in worry, keeping by his side. “Were you shot?”

“It’s a long story,” he said, flinching at another step.

It took him so long to get up the stairs, the other men had arrived by the time he reached the fourth floor. They cheered to him as they headed to their rooms with their women. Eren saw that even Oliver, who was married with two children, had a woman with him. The only two who did not were Wim and Griez, who arrived carrying wine bottles and a scowl on his face.

Eren unlocked his door, but he peeked in first. He wanted to be certain Levi was not down in the room. Then he brought Louise inside. She walked into the room while Eren shut the door and leaned against it, trying to figure out what the hell he should do. Then he remembered Carly’s note. He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the scrap of paper. It had a name, an address, and what looked like a passphrase.

“Yelena?” he whispered. “Hey, do you know who…?” He looked up and saw Louise passively undressing. “Whoa, whoa!” He rushed forward just as he got a glimpse of her breasts, and he pulled her blouse back together. “You don’t have to do that.”

She looked at him with shocked and slightly hurt eyes. “I thought you took me here because you wanted me.”

“I told you, I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Louise bit her lip coyly and whispered, “Maybe I want to.”

Eren’s mouth dropped, confused and startled with a growing sense of panic.

“You seem like such a nice man, the sort I wish I could have known … before all this.” She laughed bashfully and tucked some hair behind her ear. “I’m never this forward with men. What I’m trying to say is, if it’s you…” She slipped the blouse down again. “… I don’t mi-…”

Swiftly, Eren grabbed the blouse and yanked the material back up. Louise looked startled by the rejection.

“Am I not what you want? I know I’m not pretty…”

“No, no,” he said, trying to get her blouse back in order. “I assure you, you’re a lovely girl, you sound like a pleasant person, but … I’m just not in the mood tonight.”

“Oh,” she whispered. “Can … Can you not … get it up? Carly has pills for that.”

He laughed awkwardly and felt his face blush. “I assure you, I can.” He waved down to his leg. “My wound hurts. I’m really not in the mood for anything vigorous.”

“Oh,” she whispered, looking down at his leg.

“Besides,” he added, “I don’t believe in sleeping with a person just to relieve pent up energy. The Nazis may believe that’s healthier for men, but I think the heart is the way to creating a fiercer warrior.”

“The heart?” she asked in amusement as she buttoned her blouse back up. “Do you mean, you prefer to romance your girls?”

“I believe things are more enjoyable when both people want it. When there are mutual emotions, that’s when there is a connection to the heart. Sex may satisfy lust, but a penis doesn’t win battles. The heart and mind do. Without love, sex does nothing to exercise the heart. Love is what makes a soldier strong.”

She smiled in wistfulness and whispered, “You belong in another time.” She reached out and took his hand. “And I wish I had met you in another place.”

He saw how sad she was, trapped in this doomed fate. “I wish I could do something for you.”

Her eyes glowed warmly as she looked up at him. “Showing me that gentlemen still exist in this world is enough. It gives me hope. If you really can get a letter to my parents,” she said, and her eyes began to water, “if I could know … if they’re still alive…”

Eren felt a gush of sympathy. He pulled her in and hugged her as she broke down in tears. He let her cry, wailing at the unfairness of life. He wondered if she had ever had a chance to feel anything but terror since being abducted. She tried to be silent, even now, but that made her body jolt with suppressed sobs. He whispered soothing words, telling her it would be all right, and encouraging her to cry it all out. He stroked her back, consoling her like she was a scared child. Considering how young she looked, she practically was one!

After a few minutes, she pulled back and rubbed away the tears drenching her face.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s fine. Come, sit.” He brought her over to the bed to rest, and he again pulled out his handkerchief so she could dry her face.

“Carly would be so ashamed,” she said as she dabbed her eyes.

“Carly will never know.” He brought out the piece of paper. “Do you know this person?”

She looked at the name and address. “Yelena? No, sorry. I know the place, though. One of the local vineyards sells their wine there.”

“This French phrase, what does it say?”

She read it but shrugged. “ _Une bouteille de bourgogne se marie le mieux avec une tempête._ It means, ‘A bottle of burgundy pairs best with a storm.’” She glanced up at Eren. “I don’t understand.”

Eren did, though. A Resistance cell! Carly wanted Louise to find freedom, to save her from this awful life of sexual servitude, and she found in Eren someone daring enough to break a few rules.

“Shit,” he whispered.

On one hand, this might be a connection that could help Levi as well. On the other, it could be a set-up. There were stories, whispers and legends in the ranks, about high-class brothels in Berlin set up specifically to ensnare an officer, with cunning women who dug into their inner thoughts, tested their loyalty to Hitler, and pried to see if they had any secrets.

Louise watched Eren’s profile as he worked through the issue, and she grew more curious. In the glow of the room’s light bulbs, she saw that he was a rather handsome young man, his eyes hypnotic in their shifting between green and blue, and there was a drive to his face, determination that she found thrilling.

She almost wished he was up for more that night.

She put her hand on his chest, and he unconsciously patted it as a comforting gesture, while still thinking over the matter. He was gentle without even thinking about it.

In other rooms, they faintly heard the grunts and moans of the officers. One of the girls was a real screamer, howling in German and what he guessed was Russian. Eren snapped out of his thoughts and became more aware of the noises.

“Perhaps we should call it a night,” he muttered, standing up with a tug to his uniform. Louise stood up as well, politely setting the handkerchief on the bed. “Write your address down. I will see if I can safely send a letter.” He showed her over to a desk with a fountain pen and paper. she wrote down a man’s name—Eren guess it was her father—and address.

“Thank you for offering,” she said, writing her name down too so he would remember it and spell it right. “If you can’t do it safely, please don’t endanger yourself for my sake.”

“Trust me, I know how to play things safe. So, umm … what happens next? Do I pay you?”

“Madame Carly keeps track of things and settles accounts with the military. At least when it comes to officers, they don’t need to pay us girls.”

“How much money do you get?”

Her gaze dropped and she shook her head.

“You don’t even get paid?” he cried out. This truly was slavery!

“We get food, clothes, a doctor comes by once a week, and we get to live.”

Eren scowled, not liking that she was not even going to make some money that could help her family. He pulled out his wallet and handed her a few Reichsmarks.

“Buy something nice. Maybe a dress that fits you better.”

Louise’s hands trembled as she took the money. Then she tiptoed up and suddenly kissed Eren on the lips. “Thank you! But I … I didn’t do anything.”

“Take it as hush money,” he said with a shrug. “Don’t tell anyone that I couldn’t perform tonight. It’d look bad on me if the military knew I was in that much pain.”

“Is it really bad?” she asked, and she got down on her knees to inspect the leg. “I can help you. On the farm, I did veterinarian work. I once set a cow’s broken leg.”

“I’m fine, really,” he said, feeling awkward about her being down like that. When her hand touched his thigh, he jolted away.

“Does it hurt that bad?”

“No,” he said, his voice soft and a little snappish.

Louise looked up in concern, but she saw the blush on his face. “Oh!” She stood back up and politely took a step back. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine,” he said, trying to stop a panicking part of his brain. He did not want this girl to realize he had no interest at all in her, but he did not want her to think anything negative about herself.

“But really, I want to help. I can change the bandage. You paid me, it’s the least I can do.” Louise looked around at the amorous noises. “It’d also help me take my mind off things.”

If he kicked her out, it would be suspicious, and she really did look eager, almost desperate, to help him. He knew that feeling, a deep need to help someone, and how it could soothe the soul to do at least one good deed.

“Fine,” he sighed. “I have bandages in the bathroom.”

Her shoulders sank with a sigh of deep relief, and finally he saw a smile warm up her face. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I’ll get the supplies. Sit on a chair where I can work, and remove your trousers, if you don’t mind.”

Louise rushed off to the bathroom, and Eren sighed in resignation. He definitely wanted to help this girl to escape. She was far too good for a life like this.

He reached for his belt and began to loosen it. The buckle jangled, his zipper went down, and just then, right above him, he heard something thump. His head shot up to the attic.

“Oh shit,” he whispered.

Levi must have been listening in and getting the wrong impression.

Louise stepped out with her hands full, and Eren jolted, hoping she did not see him looking up at the attic. Luckily, she was trying to balance bandages, disinfectant, and bottles of medicinal cream.

“Okay! Let me inspect your leg first. I once fixed a neighbor’s hunting dog who had been shot. He was able to walk in a week. So, I know something about bullet wounds. Sit on the chair, please.”

Eren pressed aside his concern for Levi. He had to deal with this first, and he could not give Louise any reason to be suspicious. He forced himself not to look up at the attic again as he reluctantly continued to remove his trousers.

* * *

Meanwhile, Levi had been in the dark with his ear pressed to the floor, listening to Eren’s voice. He had hoped to sneak down and wash up before bed, but then he heard a woman’s voice. He listened in, cursing that they were speaking in German so he understood nothing.

He heard plenty of other noises. All around, drifting up from the many rooms, were sounds of sexual delight. He knew right away what this must be.

Prostitutes! All of the officers must have gone out and gotten themselves women for the night.

And now one was with Eren.

Levi wondered, if Eren was homosexual, did that mean he had no interest at all in women? Could he force himself to take a woman, if just to blend in? Surely, he could just pretend for a night.

Yet with his ear pressed firmly to the attic door, plugging his other ear to block out the amorous grunting, he heard mostly just talking.

Until he heard something more. A tiny pop. A kiss? The girl went from nervous to sounding cheery. What was going on? Then he heard the unmistakable sound of a belt buckle and zipper. Eren was removing his trousers!

Levi had not meant to pull back as hard as he did. He lost his balance and needed to slam his hand down to stop himself from completely falling backward. He could not help now but to hear all the groans and rhythmic thumping of mattresses.

Would he have to listen to Eren as well?

A scene flashed through his mind: when they were on the road, Eren succumbed to the drug, holding him, touching him, and amorous words said in a drugged stupor played through Levi’s ears.

“ _I wanted you so much last night. You touched me here, took my shirt off, undressed me. You make me hard. Hot. I want you more and more each day. It’s making me blocked up. It gets blocked up, hard, until I need to let it all out. It’s so hot from being pressed against you. I can’t get it to go down. You’re so warm, and the rocking, back and forth, on the horse, rocking, rocking horse, feels so good. I don’t … I can’t … I … oh nein. Nein! Ich komme! No!_ ”

Levi put his hand to his mouth, wanting to scream those memories away. Eren had been drugged. None of it was real. Still, those words had played through his head all day, and he realized that part of him wanted to hear them again.

He heard a groan, most definitely Eren, and Levi slammed his hands over his ears.

No! He didn’t want to hear Eren say words like that to someone else.

He crawled carefully over the attic, avoiding boards he knew creaked, and went to the window to glare up at the sky. He wanted to curse and scream, but instead he could only sneer.

Why did it hurt so bad?

He wanted to blame the coldness in his chest on the weather. He grabbed Eren’s leather jacket and yanked it on. As moans continued to drift up from the many rooms under him, Levi pulled the jacket tighter around him, shutting out everything else, focusing on memories that made him happy. It used to be places he visited as a child— a vineyard in southern France he had gone to with his uncle, a tea shop in London that had become his escape while serving in England, memories of Warsaw, the glamour of what people said was the most beautiful city in the world, before that mission went to hell.

Only now, along with those memories of places, there was a feeling of being held, arms wrapped around him, warmth on the back of his neck.

He growled in anguish, “ _Bon sang qu’est-ce qui va pas chez moi?_ ” What the hell is wrong with me?

He was not sure how many minutes passed staring out at the clouds whisking past the moon, but soon he heard the door to the attic creak, and Eren pulled himself up into the space, carefully shutting the door behind him.

“Hello,” Eren whispered.

Levi just grunted, keeping his face pointed at the moon.

Eren looked around. The thick dust from yesterday was done. Levi had swept and dusted everything, “You cleaned it up.”

“It was disgusting,” Levi muttered.

“How did you manage?” he asked, realizing that Levi did not have a broom or feather duster.

“Spit and a rag.”

Eren laughed, half hoping Levi was just joking. Then again, he was strict about cleanliness.

He crawled up to Levi and tried to wrap around his arms, only for Levi to yank away angrily. Refusing to meet Eren’s gaze, he moved over to his bedding on the floor, hidden behind a wall of boxes. Eren watched, feeling sad at being rejected.

“Levi?”

“Who was she?” he snapped, facing the wall to hide his rage.

Eren pouted and looked aside. “It’s not what you think.”

“A prostitute?”

“Yes, but I did not do anything to her.”

“I heard her kiss you, and I heard your trousers coming off.”

“She kissed me in thanks, and she offered to redress my wound. It meant nothing.”

“You still put your lips on some whore.”

“ _Sie ist keine Hure_ ,” Eren snapped, barely keeping his voice down. “She … She is not a whore. She was kidnapped from a nearby farm. She’s a slave, forced into prostitution. The … um … _Bordellwirtin? Puffmutter?_ ”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Lady, owns the _bordell_ …”

“ _Mère maquerelle_. I think the English called it a brothel madame.”

“Anyway, she asked me to help Louise to escape.”

“Likely a trap,” Levi immediately said. “Why did you hire her in the first place?”

“I had no choice. I need to fit in, and I didn’t want her to end up with any of the other men.” He crawled a little closer. “I swear, I didn’t touch her.”

Levi heard just how genuine Eren was, and glancing around his shoulder, those teal eyes looked heartbroken. It calmed down his heart, realizing that it really was like Eren to go out of his way to help someone being oppressed.

“ _Merde_ , you’re too kind for your own good.” He turned around on his bedding, and his eyes were softer now. “I forgive you, but I still don’t like the idea that you kissed her.”

Eren frowned. “I don’t like it either. It was just a kiss of thanks, but still! It felt … wrong.”

Levi stared at the pout on Eren’s lips. His hand suddenly shot out, and his fingers yanked the back of Eren’s scalp. Teal eyes opened wide in shock, especially as he saw Levi so focused on his mouth, slowly leaning in, until his lips pressed against him. Eren closed his eyes, and the tension in his body suddenly relaxed.

Yes! This was the kiss he loved.

Levi pulled back, looking slightly more satisfied. Only, he wasn’t. One kiss was not enough. He leaned in again, and this time Eren leaned more into the kiss, receiving it, giving back, his heart surging.

Eren hoped for more, but Levi suddenly pulled back again. As disappointing as it was to stop, Eren saw that same smile from earlier on Levi’s face, a smile of pride and … maybe something more.

Eren tucked his head down bashfully. “I can’t believe it’s been a week.”

“Since what?”

“Since I first kissed you.”

Levi’s brow tensed, and his eyes darted around in confusion. “Has it _only_ been a week?”

“It barely feels like a couple of days to me.”

“You were _drugged_ half the time!”

“True,” Eren said with a soft chuckle. He reached down and placed his fingers over Levi’s hand. “I was so scared to tell you.”

“I figured it out long ago.”

Eren nodded, realizing now that Levi must have seen through him right away. He had asked Eren so many times, hinted about what his feelings were, but Eren had desperately tried to hide from those feelings that he feared so much. He had even snapped at Levi in anger many times, just to push aside the mere possibility of getting found out.

“To be honest,” Eren whispered, stroking across the rough creases of Levi’s knuckles, “I wasn’t expecting you to accept me, let alone kiss me. A part of me knew that you might even report me, especially … after what happened to you.”

Levi watched their hands and the way Eren played with his fingers, slightly tickling and bringing heat to his cheeks. “I’m still sorting this out,” he admitted, “but so far…” His hand turned around and grabbed hold of Eren’s adventurous fingers. “… it feels … comforting, knowing someone out there cares.”

Eren squeezed his hand with a gush of emotions. “I care very much,” he whispered. Eren lifted Levi’s hand and gave his fingers a kiss. “So much, it hurts my heart.” He rested his cheek on Levi’s hand and nuzzled over those scarred, rough knuckles.

Levi reached up, hesitated, but allowed himself to stroke through Eren’s hair. His heart struggled. The walls had broken down, and now he had to carefully step over the rubble.

Eren finally noticed Levi was wearing the pale blue shirt. It was huge on him, as well as the leather jacket that hung off his shoulders, and the brown flat cap. He looked less like a slave and more like a normal Frenchman. His free hand reached forward, and his fingers slid down the fabric of the shirt.

“It looks good on you. Really brings out your eyes.”

Levi scoffed and turned away to hide how much it made him flustered. Then slowly, he looked back, and one finger reached forward, touching the new Iron Cross on Eren’s chest. It was like the Nazis were trying to make his heart even more unreachable.

He whispered, “I preferred you without the uniform.”

Eren dropped his gaze. When it had just been him and Levi, no uniform, no soldiers, no guns, that truly had been nice. He let go of Levi’s hand, reached up to his neck, and began to undo his tunic. The medals clanked as he pulled it off his shoulders and set it to the side, now wearing only his green-gray cotton undershirt.

Levi felt his breath catch slightly. This was _just Eren_. No politics, no nationality, just him.

“Yes,” he whispered, lips twitching. “Like this.”

Eren watched as Levi reached forward and slid his hand up his chest, feeling not the stiff uniform and paraphernalia of war, but just his body. His heart began to race at the gentle touches.

“May … May I hug you?”

Levi’s eyes flicked up, surprised, and then he broke into a near-silent laugh. “Of course you may.”

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi, pulling him to his chest, arms protective and possessive. His hand went to Levi’s head, threw off the flat cap, and stroked through his hair. Seriously, he would never get enough of stroking Levi’s head. Best of all, he felt Levi’s arms wrap around him as well. In the dark, chilly attic, they embraced one another, taking comfort in just being alive.

Eren kissed Levi’s hair and whispered, “I’m sorry if bringing Louise here upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” Levi grumbled, resting on Eren’s shoulder, staring at his throat and the way his Adam's apple moved as he spoke. “I’m … a bit jealous.”

That cheered up Eren, and he laughed softly. “Jealous?”

“I thought you and her…” His arms squeezed Eren tighter as just the thought of it was poisonous. “I thought you might need to fuck her to appear … well, _normal_.”

“You didn’t want me to?”

Levi yanked back with a furrowed brow. “Of course not!” He froze, realizing what he was implying. It was one thing to feel curious about a man in love with him; it was another to want him exclusively.

Eren merely shrugged. “I guess now we’re even.”

Levi arched an eyebrow. “How?”

“I felt jealous of that girl in the church.”

“Church?” He thought back just two days ago. “Mina?”

“Yes, her. She was hanging onto you, asking you to go back home with her—”

“She was worried for my safety.”

“She was enamored by you,” Eren pointed out. “I don’t blame her.”

“I’m old enough to be her father.”

“She didn’t know that. You look very young. She probably thought you were only a few years older than her.”

Levi rolled his eyes and looked away. “I don’t look _that_ young.”

“You do! I was jealous, because I could see she really did want you to go home with her. Now, you’re jealous because some girl kissed me in thanks.”

“You _kissed_ someone, though. I didn’t even touch Mina.”

“You really are jealous,” Eren said with a grin.

“Don’t look so happy. Jealousy is a horrible trait.”

“But it’s nice to know that we feel the same.”

“Who says I do?”

“You just said so!” Eren laughed at the contrariness that he found so endearing. “Levi,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around him again and gazing longingly at his mouth. “May I purify my lips by kissing you?”

Levi looked stunned by the question. They had kissed, but … purify his lips? He stared down at those soft lips. He hated the idea that some woman got to feel them.

He suddenly grabbed Eren’s cheeks, startling him. He held Eren’s face between his hands and glared into those stunned eyes. Levi leaned in close enough for their noses to touch.

“You’re a naughty boy, defiling your lips with some prostitute.”

He dived in and kissed him, wanting to purge the memory of that woman from Eren’s mind. He knew this was jealousy, he hated it, but still … he wanted Eren to forget all about her. He heard a soft hum of pleasure, and the need grew stronger. He licked Eren’s lips to clean away that woman’s taste.

“Yes!” Eren hissed. “Wash it away.”

Levi pulled back and looked at the flushed, euphoric expression on Eren’s face, his lips moist now and waiting for more. Eren had looked like that before, at the Reeves’ house. The memory of that night had been haunting and tingling Levi all day.

He leaned in, and his tongue slowly licked all around Eren’s mouth. Then Levi pulled back again to see the wet shine in the moonlight.

“Brat. Now my tongue has her germs.”

Eren’s eyes fluttered open, his cheeks flushed, and he whispered, “Then let me clean it.”

His mouth opened as he kissed Levi deeply, thrusting his tongue in. Levi was stunned that this man who could barely kiss a week ago had gotten so good so fast. A gentle, enraptured hum buzzed on his lips as Eren shivered from the pleasure of kissing him.

Levi clutched his fingers into Eren’s hair, yanking him in closer, battling back with his tongue.

He could lose this man.

He could lose him to the war, or to a woman, or to their inevitable separation.

He _would_ lose him. Someday.

That reality stabbed his heart. It made Levi not want to fall in love, and made him want to indulge while he still could.

Slowly, he leaned Eren back onto his bedding. Eren pulled Levi down with him, not releasing his mouth. On the lumpy pile of duvets and quilts hidden away behind boxes of forgotten hotel decorations, Levi hovered above Eren, kissing with a growing passion. He felt Eren’s hands roaming. Finding the bottom of his shirt, those cold hands slipped up to feel the bare skin of Levi’s back. Eren’s fingers clutched possessively, pulling Levi in even closer.

He would lose him.

He wanted more, while he could!

For a few minutes, Levi fully gave in. He kissed with passion, freed from doubts, wanting to savor all of this. Feeling the warmth under him was familiar, comforting, soothing to his soul. He stopped fretting that this was _a man_ he was kissing, and simply accepted that it was _a person_ whom he enjoyed kissing. Eren’s small moans, struggling so hard to keep quiet, thrilled him. Those hands on his body enticed him to give even more.

More!

While he still could.

Before he lost him.

When he felt a stiffness rising in Eren’s trousers, it amused Levi. _He_ could make Eren react like that! He had to admit, he was feeling aroused as well. Blame it on instincts, but he wanted more of that tingling sensation.

He pressed his hips in just a little harder and slid up along Eren’s arousal. A trembling gasp sucked down Eren’s throat.

 _He_ could get Eren to sound like that!

Levi did it again, rubbing against him, making small, instinctive thrusts as his breath grew heavier. He felt Eren’s body twitching, thrusting back, and his hands yanked on Levi’s hips to give him more.

Then he heard a startled gasp, and Eren’s mouth broke off from the kiss.

“Levi,” he whimpered.

A tremor in that voice warned Levi, and he pulled back. Eren’s face was flushed with humiliation.

“You didn’t release in your pants again, did you?”

“No,” Eren mumbled, “but I will if we keep going.”

It was tempting, if just to humiliate him, but Levi pulled back. The night felt cold without that lanky body close to him. Slowly, reaching down to adjust himself, Eren sat up. He looked humiliated as he kept his hands down, hiding his body’s reaction.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“I’d rather you warn me.” Levi glanced over and down, seeing the stiff problem, and scoffed. “You’re still just a little boy.”

“If anything, this proves I’m a man,” he retorted. “Besides, you’re just as hard. I could feel it! I can’t help wanting more when you’re like that.”

“Don’t blame this on me. It’s your fault for kissing that woman.”

Eren’s hand slipped over and rested on top of Levi’s leg. “I’m sorry, truly, if it upset you.”

“I’m not upset,” he snapped, but he realized, he absolutely _sounded_ upset. “I just don’t want this to be the way that I leave you.”

Ice filled Eren’s veins. “Leave me!”

Levi hushed him urgently.

Eren’s voice went back to a whisper. “What do you mean?”

“Well, the whole point is for me to find a way to escape, right?”

“It’s only been one night!”

“Exactly, and this whole time you’ve been busy all day, drinking and whoring all night—”

“Hey!”

“One of us has to start looking around.”

“I will,” he promised. “Today, with the other officers, we toured around Metz. I saw a part of the river that might work, except there are forts on the other side. Armin can look up on a map, see if maybe that’s an option, if you can slip between the forts. Maybe Louise knows routes…”

“Don’t go out with that woman again!” he snapped.

Eren jolted at the shout, and Levi immediately cursed. That had been far too loud for the attic.

Eren bit his lip. “We should come down to my room to talk.”

“There’s nothing to discuss,” he grumbled petulantly.

“Please,” Eren begged softly.

Levi scowled, but he figured it was better than staying in the attic to have this conversation. “Fine. I can at least wash my face and take a piss before bed.”

Eren gathered up his uniform tunic, and they crawled over to the door. Eren lifted it open, Levi connected the rope ladder, and they carefully climbed down. Levi went straight to the bathroom while Eren struggled to calm himself. He had definitely _not_ expected Levi to be so passionate.

Maybe he was weak to jealousy. Not that Eren _liked_ to make him feel that way, but it was nice to have him break down the walls around his heart.

Levi stepped out, still drying his hands. “Do you need to go wank off?”

Eren chuckled softly. He probably would later than night, but now was not the time. “I’m sorry about Louise.”

“Whatever,” Levi grumbled. “You have to act a part. I get it. It’s not like I’ve never done something similar.”

Eren looked intrigued. “You kissed a woman as part of an act?”

“Not just kissed. I fucked probably a dozen for jobs when I was with the Deuxième Bureau. It was an easy way to get close to a target.”

“That’s awful!”

“It got the job done, and it’s not like they weren’t eager for it. I didn’t have a woman waiting back home, so I didn’t care. Perk of the job. So I get it, and I apologize. I shouldn’t have felt jealous. I know you’re just trying to survive, same as me. So I’m telling you this, now that my head is a bit clearer: if you have to sleep with her in order to pass as heterosexual, do so.”

“No! I would never—”

“Eren!” he cut in, and he took the young man by the cheeks, gazing hard at him. “Don’t tell me _I will never betray you_. Tell me _I will live no matter the price._ ”

Eren looked ready to cry at being told that and stubbornly shook his head.

“Eren,” Levi said, keeping his tone gentle.

He tried to imagine, if he had needed to seduce a woman to survive, even if Petra gave him permission, would he have been able to? Of course, he would have told her he would never do such a thing, but if the moment arrived and it truly was a matter of life or death, he could always beg for her forgiveness after he survived to the next morning.

What if it was the other way around, and Petra had to sleep with a guard to stay alive? Of course, he would have forgiven her, anything to make sure she lived. _Anything_ to hold her again!

“If it ever does come down to you _needing_ to do something like that, just know … I will forgive you.”

Eren glanced up, still looking heartbroken at being told that.

“But only if you beg on your knees.”

A tiny smile fluttered on his pouting lips. “Will you kick me over the head again?”

“I might,” he teased. It got Eren to laugh, which warmed Levi’s heart. “I pray it never comes to that, if only because it’s unfair to you, pretending in such a way. Still, so long as you survive, that’s all that matters.” His hand reached forward and combed through Eren’s hair. “So long as I see you again.”

The young man leaned into his palm with anguished happiness and sighed, “Levi…”

“But if you fuck her and die anyway, I will curse you into the afterlife. I want you to survive this war. If that means, after I’m gone, you have to take prostitutes every week just to _fit in_ , you do it. You survive this! Then you come find me after the war, and you can beg me on your knees for forgiveness.”

Eren swallowed down sadness. “Find you? In America?”

Levi took Eren’s hand and squeezed it. “The offer’s still open. Come find me in New York.”

His lower lip trembled. “Don’t leave yet.”

Levi sighed and shook his head. “Eren…”

“It’s only been a day. Give me time.”

“I will not simply sit up there and wait.”

“So what, are you planning to go out into the city on your own?”

“If I have to.”

“ _Nein!_ ”

Levi jolted back, surprised by the yell. Eren sneered and turned his face away, ashamed for the outburst.

“It’s … It’s too dangerous.”

“Sitting in that attic is dangerous. Being here in your room is dangerous. _Existing_ is dangerous! The sooner I can get out of Europe, the quicker my life won’t be one long nightmare of constantly being in danger.”

“Armin will get a map,” he insisted. “If anyone can figure out how to get you out of Metz, it’s him. Give him a few days.” His fingers trembled as they grasped Levi’s hand, as if to hold him in place. “Please,” he whispered.

Levi let out a long sigh. “I don’t promise to stay up there the whole time. While I can’t go running around Metz in broad daylight, I can sneak around at night, ask some questions, see if I can find out how to get past the city walls.”

Eren shook his head. “It’s too dangerous—”

“I can ask questions you can’t,” he snapped. “You and Armin are good men, but you’re German soldiers. No Frenchman would tell you a damn thing. Neither of you even speak French. I can get information, and with that, maybe Armin can plan something. He’s a tactical genius—I can see that—but he doesn’t have all the information, and he can’t ask for it when he can barely string together a sentence in French.”

“What if you’re stopped and asked for papers?”

“I can bluff my way out of it. I have before.”

“And kill a few Germans while you’re at it?”

Levi had cold eyes as he said honestly, “If I have to.”

Eren scowled, hating that he did not even hesitate to admit he would.

“They are still my enemy.”

“Am I?” he blurted out.

Levi pursed his lips tightly and muttered, “Only if you try to stop me.”

Eren looked stunned, crushed, and his eyes drifted off in disbelief.

“See it from my perspective,” Levi urged him. “Imagine that you’re trapped in London, British soldiers all around who want to kill you, and I hide you in my attic. More than anything, you just want to get back to Germany, but I won’t let you go out, keeping you trapped in my attic. Would I not be just as bad as the British soldiers? One wants to shoot you, one wants to keep you a prisoner.”

“I don’t want to enslave you,” Eren insisted. “I just don’t want you to do anything stupid.”

“Coming down into your room every time I have to take a piss is stupid, and it’s dangerous, because if I get caught, _you_ get in trouble, and the last thing I want is for you to get hurt.”

Eren still looked heartbroken. He knew that asking Levi to stay was selfish and wrong, but the thought of him leaving, now that his heart was finally opening up, hurt. If he had escaped a week ago, before the two ever kissed, Eren could have moved on with just sweet thoughts of some random Jew he once had a crush on. Now, those amorous feelings were too strong.

“You’re going to be stubborn, but so am I,” Levi declared. “Your life is in danger the longer I stay here. I want to get out of here as soon as I can, not because I don’t want to be with you, but because I don’t want to _fear for you_ —”

His voice cracked, which caught Levi off-guard. He felt a tear rolling down his cheek without even realizing it had formed in his eye. He wiped it away, shocked and confused by the wetness. Eren saw it too, and he looked up with concern. Levi blinked his eyes, felt another tear drip down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away, angry and humiliated by the unruly eyes that felt like watering for some reason.

A gossamer memory of auburn hair and a dazzling smile flashed through the blur of tears in his eyes.

“I know … the fear … worrying that because of you, someone you care for will lose their life … and I know how … how it rips apart your soul … seeing that actually happen, losing them forever,” he whispered, sneering to hold back grief that shuddered in his throat, “helpless to save her, all because I could not bring myself to push her away.” Levi looked up into Eren’s face, not sure if he had ever felt so emotionally raw before. His throat barely worked as he whispered, “I don’t want that fate for you.”

Eren pulled him in and pressed Levi’s face to his chest, letting him stubbornly sniffle and curse from embarrassment over his emotions. “I get it,” he whispered, sad to see Levi finally breaking through those past horrors, but glad he was slowly healing.

“So I will warn you this, _takhshet_ ,” he said, his voice hoarse, clinging onto Eren. “If I see an opportunity to leave, I will take it. I might not be able to make it back here to tell you goodbye. If you realize that I’ve been gone for more than three days, assume I’m on my way to America.”

“How will I know if you make it?” Eren asked in anguish, feeling his own eyes burning and his arms clinging tightly at the idea of losing Levi. “I have no way of knowing, no clue how to find you again.”

Levi sighed and realized he was right. Even if he escaped Metz, he had to make it through a war zone, across hundreds of kilometers to the coast, find a passenger ship, and hope he was not simply turned away when he reached America. Eren would have no way of knowing if he was safe, and New York City was a big place. He could spend his life searching the city for a man who was denied entry as an immigrant, or worse, died ten meters outside the gates of Metz.

“Come here.”

Levi pulled Eren over to the bed so they could sit side by side, propped up by pillows. Their arms wrapped around each other in comfort, and Eren flopped his head onto Levi’s shoulder. The Jew found himself soothing Eren’s trembling by stroking his hair, and doing just that much calmed the pain in his heart.

“I’ll write to you,” whispered Levi. “Somehow. Tell you what: if I make it to the coast, I’ll send you a telegram. It’ll have a single word. Brooklyn. That’s where I plan to head.”

“Brooklyn,” Eren repeated slowly. “What is that?”

“It’s a part of New York City, and where my cousin lives.”

“What is your cousin like?”

Levi shrugged. “I’ve only written to him. He seems decent enough. He runs a laundry business. Apparently, it belonged to his wife’s family. She’s Japanese. They have a daughter named Mikasa. She’d be about fifteen now.”

“They allow people to marry other races?” Eren asked in shock.

“Depends on where in America you live.”

“Do they allow you to marry any religion?”

“Even Germany allowed that before the Nazis rose to power.”

“And … gender? Can a man marry a man in America?”

Levi’s mouth dropped as he saw Eren’s cheeks blush and his eyes averted. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of any country that allows two men to marry.”

“But at least they don’t arrest you for being homosexual, right?”

Levi let out a slow, contrite breath. “I’m not sure. I don’t know American laws.”

“Oh,” Eren muttered.

Levi pouted at the sound of hope being slowly crushed. “According to my cousin, every state in America has their own laws. They’re like little countries, all smashed together. It’s like if Europe were to all unite into one huge union governed under one overarching set of laws, but France and Germany could still make their own rules, so long as they don’t violate those international laws.”

“I see,” Eren muttered, but his voice faded away. “So maybe, in some states, it’s okay.”

“America is a big country. If New York doesn’t allow it, I’m sure you could find another place that does. Or maybe Canada.”

“Yes, I suppose,” he muttered, and with his head lowered, his eyes raised with a soft glow. “But _you’ll_ be in New York.”

Levi gulped hard at the flirtatious look that warmed his heart. He reached over and squeezed Eren’s hand. He also wanted to hope that Eren one day found a place that would accept him exactly as he was.

Eren chuckled with a weak smile. “Sorry if that’s moving too fast.”

“It is,” Levi whispered, but his gentle words showed, he didn’t mind. “Look at me.”

Eren raised his head, and Levi gave him a soft, lingering, warm kiss. It was so gentle, it soothed the chaos in Eren’s heart and warmed up the iciness of fearing a world without Levi.

Levi leaned back, but his forehead rested against Eren’s while his hand stroked his cheek. “Promise me you’ll survive.”

“I promise,” Eren whispered, rubbing his nose against Levi’s. “Promise you’ll wait for me in New York.”

“I’ll be angry if you don’t find me.”

Eren gave him a kiss to seal the promise.

They spent the rest of the night sitting in bed, cuddling together, admiring each other with gentle touches and soft kisses. Levi felt himself falling more and more for this crazy German who broke down the walls around his heart.

When he saw Eren getting sleepy, he whispered that it was bedtime. Levi stayed long enough to watch him undress, sitting to the side, admiring Eren’s body as he changed from the drab undershirt, hanging both it, the uniform tunic, and his trousers in a large oak wardrobe by the bed, and putting on long johns against the chilly September night.

Then Levi turned off the lights and tucked Eren into bed. He gave him one last kiss, stroked back his hair like a beloved child, and whispered, “Goodnight.” With Eren snuggled up in bed and a smile on his sleepy face, Levi stepped back, but he did not leave yet. Eren must have truly been exhausted, because he fell asleep in under a minute. Levi stood to the side, gazing at his face in the darkness.

He would lose him one day.

But for now … at least for this present moment…

He put his fist to his mouth, holding back the torrent of emotions, a grief for something that had not even happened yet. Eren was _right there_ , so why…

Why did he miss him already?

# # #

# #

#

_**Carly’s Drugs** – Here’s putting a minor character to good use! That dancing drug dealer Carly and her coderoin pills show up, only now it’s a bit like Viagra and date rape drugs. Under Hitler, Germany had strict anti-drug laws, but some brothels provided men with a little something to help. All under-the-table, of course!  
_

_**Nazi Military Brothels** (Militärbordelle) – Between 1939 and 1942, Nazis forced Jewish women into brothels to be sex workers and encouraged men to have sex at least once a week for their health. It was believed that frequent sex made a soldier stronger, and refraining from sex built up disabling weaknesses that led to homosexuality. In 1942, Hitler made it illegal for Aryans to have sex with Jews, so the Jewish prostitutes were rounded up and sent to concentration camps; ironically, underground prostitution rings flourished in the camps, with male guards getting bonuses by being allowed to have sex with female prisoners, so long as an officer watched to make sure they used only the missionary position. The prisoners were often tricked into volunteering with promises of extra food. [Over 34,000 female inmates were forced into sex slavery.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_camp_brothels_in_World_War_II)_

_After 1942, Nazi military brothels used captured Slavic women from Poland, Ukraine, and Russia. Average-looking women remained in brothels on the Eastern Front, but ones who fit the Aryan standard of beauty (blond hair, blue eyes) were sent to Germany. In my story, some of the Russian women were shipped all the way to Metz, especially with so many soldiers in the city getting ready for a battle, and thus more sex was believed to make them stronger. The German military set up 100 brothels in Occupied France alone, and while some cities (especially Paris) used women who were already working as prostitutes, in areas without enough sex workers, local girls were kidnapped and forced to work, as we see with Louise. It was fairly common that a woman would have 30 men or more a day, each man given 15 minutes to have his turn. Enlisted soldiers went to the brothels, which were either set up in already-established bordellos, hotels, or Jewish synagogues converted into whorehouses. Officers had vetted women brought to them, to make sure they had no diseases and were not politically compromised._

_To be fair, Americans, British, French, Japanese, and basically every nation was doing the same thing, enslaving woman in Comfort Stations, Field Brothels, Bordels Mobiles de Campagne, or in Russia’s case, screw the brothel and just rape every girl you can catch. France imported women from their colonial holdings in North Africa and the Far East. Japan enslaved[up to 400,000 women](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_women) from Korea, China, the Philippines, and all surrounding territories, and there were hundreds of cases of Dutch plantation women, as well as American and Australian military nurses, being captured and forced to work in Japanese brothels. America had one mobile brothel per division, and in mixed-race divisions, there would be one brothel for Whites, one for Blacks. Because even when fighting Nazis, America was racist as fuck._

  
(scene from the movie _Salon Kitty_ )

_**“high-class brothels in Berlin”** – This is a reference to [Salon Kitty](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salon_Kitty), an infamous brothel used by the Nazi intelligence service for espionage. The glamorous luxury palace targeted the social elite, with trained young women selected from the Bund Deutscher Mädel (German Girls’ League) and trained to seduce top German dignitaries, foreign visitors, and diplomats, prying them with alcohol and sex, loosening up their trousers and their lips, so they would disclose secrets or say their honest opinions on Nazi issues and leadership. Not even Hitler’s inner circle knew about the new purpose of Salon Kitty, and many high-ranked Nazis, including Joseph Goebbels, went there._

_**America’s Sodomy Laws** – Eren has a good reason to worry about the legality of homosexuality in America. Until 1962, homosexuality (particularly sodomy, but oral sex was sometimes included) was a felony in every state, carrying a death penalty in some states. Sodomy laws were not nationally abolished until 2003. Same-sex marriage would not be allowed at the federal level until 2013._

* * *

And now for some fan art.

[These aesthetics were made by Dawndew for this fic](https://wildrhov.tumblr.com/post/640944205538213888/here-are-four-beautiful-aesthetics-by-dawndew-for), and are shared here with permission. I love aesthetics, how they tell a story in pictures, and these are amazing. Thank you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, Rhov here.
> 
> I have said many times that I try to update weekly “unless real life gets in the way.” Well…
> 
> Real life got in the way.
> 
> I had a week-long writing binge coupled with a huge bipolar swing toward HIGH, so I did not want to stop typing even as my wrist went from aching, to burned, to going numb. I would just put ice on it before bed, and jump right back into typing as soon as I woke up. Then last Friday, I simply put my hand on the wall to brace myself while slipping on some shoes, and my left wrist popped, instantly going numb. I popped it back, the feeling mostly returned, except the wrist began to swell. Not good.
> 
> It’s just a sprain, but I may have gotten a little nerve damage, so I’m supposed to limit my typing for a couple of weeks. Sadly, this is not the first time I have severely injured my wrists; back in 2015-16, my right wrist was in a brace for over a year after an epileptic fall left me with two cracked wrist bones, a torn tendon resulting in frozen wrist syndrome, and fraying the tendon connecting my thumb to the hand. I know wrists are fragile, and as a writer I need to take this seriously.
> 
> So, there will be no chapter next week, and I may need to back off from the once-a-week schedule, at least for a while, until I fully heal.
> 
> Thanks for understanding, and thank you so much for all the support you have given me through the past year.


	36. Pakt Mit Dem Teufel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Eren is laid up with a leg injury, Jean and Armin pay him a visit and make a discovery that could change everything.

Eren woke to the sound of creaking and opened his eyes. It was early morning still, but he saw Levi slowly opening the attic door. He smiled at getting to see him first thing in the morning. It was always a good way to start the day.

“ _Guten Morgen_ ,” he whispered.

“ _Bonjour_ ,” Levi whispered, slipping the rope ladder down so he could climb out. “I tried to scratch on the door, but you didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure if you were asleep or already gone.”

Eren yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. I must have been deeply in sleep. Is everything okay?”

“I just really need to take a piss. You still haven’t gotten me a bucket.”

“Sorry,” whispered Eren. He stretched out his limbs, but a sharp suck of air hissed between his teeth as he moved his left leg.

Levi walked over to the bed first and put a hand over the blankets covering Eren’s thighs. “Is it still bad?”

“I’m off for a week,” he mumbled, and flashed Levi a sleepy smile. “I can spend more time with you.”

Levi grunted, but Eren saw a shadow of a smile on his face. Then he turned into the bathroom.

Eren finished stretching out the stiffness of sleep, and he felt the leg. The heat of an infection was at least gone. With any luck, the medications would help the gash to heal quickly. He dropped his long johns and looked at the bandage. No blood soaking through; that was an improvement. He also had to admire Louise’s work. While she was a little rough—she was used to dealing with animals, not people—the bandage was not sloppily wrapped around like Eren normally did it. The precision of the layers was almost artistic. It felt like a shame to unravel it.

He heard the toilet flush, hands being washed, and Levi stepped out. The Jew jolted at first, seeing Eren with the pale long johns down around his ankles and the loose sleeping shirt only partially covering his genitals. He gulped hard, shoved down some naughtier thoughts, and came forward.

“It looks better.”

“ _Ja_ , still hurts.” Eren suddenly realized his exposed state and gasped. “Oh! I’m sorry.” He yanked the long johns back up, and Levi politely glanced aside as he fixed himself.

“Did you happen to squirrel away some food last night?”

“Squirrel?” Eren asked in confusion.

“Hiding food? You know, so I can eat.”

Eren gasped as he realized, he had forgotten. “I’m so sorry! You didn’t get any supper.”

Levi shrugged and sat on the bed next to Eren. “It’s fine. I’ve been rationing out what food you gave me before. I had enough, but it would be nice to have some breakfast.”

“I’ll call it in. The hotel can deliver food right to our rooms.”

Eren went over to the telephone, called up the operator, and put in an order for room service. While he spoke in German, Levi glanced around. He caught sight of a piece of paper on the nightstand and picked it up. As soon as he read the name, address, and a sentence in French, his face turned into a fierce scowl.

Eren hung up, and immediately Levi jabbed the paper into his face.

“What the fuck is this?”

It took Eren a moment to recall the note. “Oh, right! The lady last night, um … _Bordellwirtin_. You called it something.”

“Brothel madame.”

“Yes! I told you, she wants me to help Louise to escape.”

“Louise is the whore you took last night, yes?”

Eren glared. “Don’t call her that. She was kidnapped and forced into that _bordell_.”

Levi frowned at the paper. “I do sympathize, but … you know this is probably a trap.”

“It might not be. She sounded sincere.”

“Of course she would!”

“The girl was terrified.”

“I don’t doubt she is,” Levi said, “but she could be a pawn.”

“Pawn?” Eren asked, confused by the word.

Just then, the phone rang. Levi jumped up with his hand reaching to the knife strapped on his belt, only to realize what it was and sigh out the adrenaline rush.

Eren held a finger up to show him to keep quiet, and he answered the call. While he was busy talking to what sounded like Jean, Levi glared at the paper. He had half a mind to shred the scrap right there, except … what if it _wasn’t_ a trap? What if this was his way out?

Getting help from the French Resistance … _again!_ They failed the last few times. Could he trust him now?

Did he have much other choice?

While Eren continued to talk on the phone, Levi stared hard at the paper and especially the phrase at the end. _Une bouteille de bourgogne se marie le mieux avec une tempête._ A bottle of burgundy pairs best with a storm. Was the French Resistance planning a _storm_ , or did they mean the situation in Metz was already a storm ready to burst?

Finally, Eren hung up, and as soon as the receiver was down, Levi tore the paper up.

“Wait!” Eren cried out in horror.

He made a rush toward Levi, who easily leaped away, tearing the paper more and more, into tiny pieces.

“Levi!” Eren cried out. Now how was he supposed to help Louise?

“Do you have that address memorized?” Levi asked coldly.

Eren was shocked that he would do such a thing, damning a girl to sexual slavery. Sadly, he shook his head.

“Good. I do.” He pointed a finger into Eren’s chest. “ _You_ will not go to that address. I will.”

Eren’s mouth dropped. “But she gave it to me. They might be expecting me. And what if it’s a trap?”

“Oh, _now_ you think it might be a trap?” shouted Levi.

“I thought right away that it could be. So don’t go!”

Levi punched Eren’s leg, not hard, but enough to get him to yell “ _Au, das tut weh!_ ” and remember just how much pain he was in. Levi glared at Eren as he said, “How are you going to stop me? Besides, if it’s not a trap, then maybe I can get the hell out of here.”

Eren scowled as he rubbed where Levi bopped him. “But … but still … I want to help her.”

“Goddammit! You’re too kind for your own fucking good!”

Just then, there was a knock. “ _Hallo, es ist Zimmerservice._ ” Hello, it’s room service.

Levi panicked, especially since he had just yelled in English. He dove under the bed right away. Eren hobbled over to the attic and threw the ladder back up. He could not reach the opened hatch, so he hoped the room service would not see it from the doorway. Then he wrapped a robe around him, cracked the door open, and saw a bellhop in a red and black uniform with a wheeled tray of food.

“ _Guten Morgen, Herr Oberleutnant._ ”

“ _Guten Morgen, danke. Ich übernehme ab hier._ ” Good morning, thanks. I’ll take it from here.

He rolled the tray in and shut the door before the bellhop could see anything inside. The food admittedly smelled amazing.

“Lock the door, idiot,” came a whisper from down low.

Eren turned back and made sure the door was locked. Then he rolled the breakfast cart into the room.

“Come on out and eat.”

Levi crawled out, but he looked disgusted. “Do you have any idea how much dust is under that bed? There’s no way they cleaned this place before you arrived. I wonder if they even changed the sheets!”

“Those at least were fresh,” Eren assured. “Eat.”

“No. I’m covered in dust, and I itch with dust.” Already he was rubbing his arm.

“Oh,” Eren whispered. Now Levi’s cleanliness made sense, if he was allergic to dust. “Well, I have a bathtub. Wash up before you eat.”

Levi glared at him distrustfully.

“I won’t go in there,” Eren promised. “Just let me pee first.”

He relieved nature, washed his face, combed out his hair, and changed his bandage. Then Eren came out, seeing Levi munching on a sausage but looking miserable as he itched his arm.

“Sorry it took a while,” Eren whispered.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

The question stunned Eren, a very fatherly thing to ask. “I will after I eat.”

Levi grunted, only mildly satisfied by the answer. “If you open the door, I’ll slit your throat.”

Eren had to laugh at how casual and nonthreatening the fatalist warning sounded, just something Levi said all the time.

Levi walked to the bathroom, still scratching his rash-covered arm. “And don’t eat all of the food.”

“I can order more.”

“That’d be suspicious.” With that, he closed the bathroom door.

Eren heard the bathtub running. So would anyone else, he guessed. The pipes were loud enough that even someone in the hallway would hear that tub running. As he waited, he went ahead and changed into his clothes. He pulled on the uniform trousers and a green-gray undershirt, and he was about to put on the tunic out of habit. He paused to look at the uniform on its hanger, medals he was proud of, a rank he had worked hard to obtain.

All for an army that would kill him and the man he loved.

He decided, since he was staying in his room, he would leave off the tunic. The breakfast cart had tea, and he poured himself a cup. There were also two waffles. He set one aside for Levi, and covered his own with butter and syrup. The breakfast came with a newspaper, and he flipped it open to read the latest information on the war.

As he waited, his mind drifted away from articles about battles, his eyes focused on the bathroom door, and curiosity got the better of him. He set the paper aside, stood, walked slowly, and stopped in front of the door. The running pipes stopped, and now he heard dripping mixed with the sloshing sound of water lapping against flesh. He heard a soft groan as Levi’s muscles relaxed in the hot water.

Eren closed his eyes, remembering the sight of Levi’s body from his trips to the river, watching him clean off, that scarred back, lean muscles, and tiny pale ass. There were other, darker times when he had seen Levi nude, but he liked the memories by the river, after the others left, when it was just him and Levi, a bright memory mixed with the sound of the rushing water and birdsong.

Through many of those weekly trips over those five months, he and Levi said nothing. It was just a duty a trusted few members of his platoon did every Saturday. A few trips, though, had been more personal, or even if they said nothing to one another, just watching Levi bathe made Eren’s throat tense up and his imagination run wild.

He glanced at the door. There was a fairly large space in the bottom, he could probably sneak a peek down there. As highly tempting as that was, Levi obviously did not feel comfortable with that. Eren had to respect that. He left before the temptation grew unhealthy, and he sat at the table to eat.

Minutes passed before Levi came back out, his black hair damp, clothes clinging to his skin, but looking happier just to be clean.

“It’s a nice tub,” he noted. “Bigger than the one I used to have.” He sat at the tiny table and saw the waffle left on a plate. “ _Merci_ ,” he muttered before digging in, eating with a starved appetite.

“I’ll see about ordering food for you more often. I can always order a big breakfast, give it to you, and go out to eat something in town.” He looked down at his leg. “Well, once I can walk without limping. I almost didn’t make it up the stairs last night. Do you want some tea?”

Levi paused, looking stunned and, if Eren had to guess, delighted. He recalled, Levi wanted to open a tea shop one day, so he must really like tea. Instantly, Levi’s face went back to a scowl, and he grumbled, “I bet it’s shit.”

“Considering I brewed it, probably.” Still, he poured some out for Levi. “Tomorrow, I’ll let you brew the tea. Perhaps you can tell me why Thomas won’t let me brew the platoon’s drinks.”

Levi took a sip and spit the tea right back out. “ _Putain!_ Do you _honestly_ think that’s what tea tastes like?”

Eren shrugged feebly. “Yes? My father drank tea a lot, but I honestly cannot recall what it tasted like.”

He let out a sound of disgust and forced himself to drink it, flinching at the taste. “Tomorrow, ask for tea leaves, hot water, and if you can, sugar and milk.”

“Milk? In tea?”

“Well, I would bet whatever tea leaves the German army has are shit, so you need to smooth out the taste.”

“Remind me before bed.”

Levi paused with the teacup not quite at his lips. Remind him before bed? That was such a domestic thing to say, and he did not want to admit that it warmed his chest. He looked up from the waffles to watch Eren sitting across from him, smoking a cigarette as he read the newspaper.

Could life be this peaceful for men like them?

Eren grunted in dismay at something he was reading.

“What is it?” Levi asked as he risked another sip of tea and flinched at the bitterness.

“Allies overran Bastogne, Arlon, and Luxembourg City two days ago. We really did barely make it out of there in time. I still wonder, who blocked our communication like that. If it was the Allies, why didn’t they attack us? What was it all about—”

There was a knock on the door, and Levi nearly choked on the bite of waffle in his mouth. Their eyes met, huge and terrified.

“Up!” hissed Eren.

They scrambled from the table to the still-open attic door, but Eren had thrown the ladder up earlier. He folded his hands to be a foot hold, Levi swiftly put one foot on the linked fingers, and Eren heaved him up with a burst of adrenaline-fueled power, practically flinging him into the air. Levi carefully shut the attic hatch, and Eren went to the front door. His heart was racing as he opened it, but a smile burst onto his face, relieved to see Jean and Armin.

“That was slow,” Jean complained.

“Sorry. I’m still struggling to walk.”

Armin came right in. “Is your leg really bad?”

“No, just those stairs are a challenge. The doctor took me off duty for a week. Jean, thank you for taking over the platoon duties this morning.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, also walking into the hotel room. “Holger told me over breakfast that you were still struggling to get up those stairs when the rest of them arrived at the hotel, so I figured it’d take you until noon to make it back down them again.” He glanced at the table with food. “Considering how late you’re eating, I’m probably right.”

“Slept in, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I called you after breakfast, and it sounded like you were just waking up.”

Eren laughed and sat at the table, stretching his sore leg out. “Guilty as charged. So, did everything go okay with the platoon?”

“Other than Connie showed up to roll-call with a black eye.”

Eren shook his head. After that huge party yesterday, it was no surprise that at least one fight would break out.

“I won’t be able to do morning roll calls this whole week,” Jean warned. “I got word early this morning—way too early,” he grumbled, “that I’m being assigned to my own platoon.”

Eren grinned in excitement. “That’s wonderful! I didn’t think they would assign you to lead a platoon so quickly, but I guess there are lots of new soldiers coming in.”

“Exactly. So I was talking with Armin after roll call. I felt, with me no longer there as your platoon sergeant, he was the best choice.”

“And I told him,” Armin said, sitting where Levi had been, “that I just got promoted. I can’t get yet another promotion so soon and take on responsibilities like that. I don’t have enough experience.”

“Your _brain_ has more experience than any of those men. Half of them don’t know how to think.”

“Your recommendation?” Eren asked Armin, looking serious, a soldier once more.

“Moblit Berner. He’s a _Stabsgefreiter_ as well, but he has been in the military for six years, longer than Jean.”

Eren looked over to Jean. “Why has he not been promoted?”

Jean gave a wide shrug, his eyes on the food. “He’s a good man, intelligent, responsible, but he lacks drive, ferocity, or creativity. It’s his lack of initiative that led to him getting overlooked.”

“Would he make a good platoon sergeant?” asked Eren.

Jean weighed the question. “I mean, he would, so long as you’re there to bark at him and give him orders. He follows well, but he doesn’t really lead. Still, he does have the most military experience than anyone else in the platoon.”

“At this point, going into battle with some soldiers who’ve never been shot at, a steady hand and clear head may be more important than a fierce heart. Anyone else to consider?”

“Not really,” Jean grumbled. “Most of our _good_ soldiers died in Anzio. We’re left with Thomas, who’s more happy cooking than shooting, and Connie, who panics under fire.”

“Then send Moblit to me later today. I’ll speak with him, see if he wants the position, and if so, we’ll give him a one-week trial, see if he can lead the platoon while I’m on rest. Armin, I want you to evaluate him and give me daily reports. Weaknesses, strengths, leadership style: I want to know details.”

“Yes, sir!” Armin said firmly.

“If he passes the test, I’ll put in for an immediate promotion to _Unteroffizier_.” He chuckled at Jean. “Perhaps he’ll be less cantankerous than you.”

Armin giggled softly, but Jean’s eyes were still focused on the food. Whereas Eren’s tea cup was right next to him, the plate with a partially eaten waffle was in front of Armin’s chair along with a second cup of tea. Jean’s eyes flicked up to Eren.

“You didn’t shoot that Jew, did you?”

Eren’s tea caught in his throat. Armin’s eyes widened. He already knew, but he had kept quiet.

Jean collapsed onto the bed and pressed his hand to his brow with a deep growl. “Eren, you stupid, wooden headed, monkey assed, suicidal idiot!” He shot him a scathing glare. “Where do you hide him? Under the bed? Up in the attic? I thought I heard a rat up there last night scurrying around. I bet it was him.”

Eren held Jean’s gaze solidly. “You promised to help me get him out.”

“That was _before_ I was made an officer.”

“Jean,” Armin said in disappointment.

However, Eren still looked cold and deathly serious. “Are you going to report me?”

Jean held his gaze. The battle raging in his mind was obvious but the way his lips twisted, his head shook, and finally he shouted, “Shit!” He stood up and stomped over to the window, clasping his hands behind his back as he glared out at the clear blue skies. After a moment, he muttered, “I will make sure you don’t die in the process. Germany still needs good officers…” He spun back around. “…because _obviously_ we don’t have the best.”

“Jean!” Armin cried out.

“It’s okay,” Eren said, holding back any clash between the two. “I’m not the most obedient officer, or the most experienced, or maybe even not the most loyal, but at least I’m one of the more _moral_ ones.”

“A conscience? A weakness,” he scoffed.

“Does the Bible not say, love thine enemy?”

“Are you going to say you love the British now?”

“No…”

“Don’t tell me you love that Jew.”

Eren felt his throat clench, but he held back any facial expressions. However, his hesitation was enough to make Jean’s mocking expression turn dark.

“Oh hell, no.” He shook his head, looking scared now. “No, no, no!”

Armin whispered quietly, “Eren?” Something suddenly made sense. “You’ve been taking risks for months now, and you’ve kept him alive and hidden all this time. You’d risk everything for this man.” He looked straight into Eren’s eyes and asked, “Why?”

Eren had known Armin for months. He was brilliant, always thinking three steps ahead; he should have been a tactician sitting in a command center around a large table of a map or Europe, moving pieces around like a chess game, not a grunt digging trenches and trying to avoid gunfire. Eren knew, with his quick mind and attention to detail, Armin had probably figured this out long ago. He just needed confirmation.

“I think you know why,” he said softly.

Armin dropped his head, and Eren watched him, wondering what might happen next. Armin had his _chess face_ , as the platoon called it. He was thinking through multiple scenarios and figuring out if a risk was worth it.

Meanwhile, Jean cried out, “Dear God, _please_ don’t tell me you’re—”

“Jean!” Armin cut in sharply.

He sneered and lowered his voice to a scathing whisper. “You … you’re homosexual?”

Eren glanced over at him, his brow drooped in a silent, regretful apology. He felt guilty that he had never been fully honest with these two. After all they went through in this war, still he hid this one thing about himself. Even now he feared admitting it, but he could not force himself to deny it, like he always had before, with blithe laughs and dismissive jokes. That would be denying his love for Levi, and after last night, he just could not bring himself to say the words.

Not to them. Not to his friends.

“What about the prostitute last night?” Jean suddenly shouted. “What about that little blond village girl?”

“I know…” Words caught in his throat. Eren was painfully aware that this was a confession to his friends, and an apology. “I know how to pretend. Krista: we were never a couple. And Louise: we simply talked last night.”

“And saying you took prostitutes in Paris? Was that also a lie?”

Eren scowled, realizing he really had lied to Jean that time. Other moments, he just let people believe whatever they wanted, but that time, since he was around the other officers, he had felt the need to protect himself with lies.

“To stay alive in this world, I learned how to act like something I’m not.”

“Then just _stop_ being a homosexual—”

“Do you think it’s that _easy_?” Eren shouted. “You might as well tell me to stop having white skin, or change the color of my eyes.”

Jean shouted back, “Maybe if you slept with girls more, you wouldn’t have become this way.”

Eren punched the table, spilling over the teacup. “Dammit, I’ve _always_ been this way!”

Suddenly, the attic door flung open. There was a blur of blue as Levi bolted out of hiding and instantly was up at Jean with a knife pressed to his throat.

“Back off, you motherfucking Kraut,” he sneered.

“Levi, don’t,” Eren ordered.

Jean pulled back from the sting of the blade. “ _Scheiße, Sie haben ihn wirklich auf dem Dachboden versteckt._ ” Shit, you really did hide him in the attic.

“Is he a threat?” Levi hissed to Eren, pushing the blade a little closer.

“No, now stop it!”

Levi’s and Jean’s eyes locked on one another, one startled, the other scathing. Levi had been listening in on the conversation, and although it was all in German, he caught one word: homosexual. He realized, Eren must have been discovered, and although he was not sure how his secret came out, Levi knew he would risk it all to protect him.

“Levi!” Eren said sharper. “That’s enough.”

The blade slowly backed away, but Levi’s glare only hardened. Eren sighed as the confrontation ended and Levi retreated back toward him, standing right next to Eren’s chair like a bodyguard ready to slaughter anyone who came too close.

Eren continued to explain it in German to Jean and Armin. “Me being this way, it’s never been a _choice_. Do you think I would _choose_ to live like this? To always be scared of someone finding out, to hide that part of me, even from my friends, to live every day of my life in terror of looking at someone the wrong way and rousing suspicions, to _never know love_? Who would choose that?”

Jean’s eyes were still narrow, half on Eren, half warily watching Levi, who still had his knife in his tight grip.

Meanwhile, Armin’s eyes were lowered in thoughtfulness, absorbing this new information. He softly asked, “Does Levi love you back?”

The question jolted Eren. He looked sharply over to Levi, standing right there. Did Levi love him? They had never said _I love you_ to one another, and Levi admitted that he was still trying to sort this out. Sensing the stare, Levi stopped glaring at Jean and glanced down at Eren. Memories of last night, of passionate kisses and Levi’s body moving sensually on him, made Eren hesitantly smile.

“He … cares about me, in his own way.” Eren broke off the gaze and looked down at the table, with the food set out, getting cold. “He’s had a rough life. I sympathize with that. My mother was killed right in front of me, just like his wife was murdered in front of him.”

“Wait, he was married? To a woman?” Jean asked, reevaluating something he had just been thinking.

“Yes. She wasn’t a Jew. Still, German soldiers killed her, cut open her pregnant belly, and butchered the baby within her. Levi was forced to watch it all.”

Armin immediately looked near tears, shaking his head, not wanting to believe Germans would do that. He looked at Levi, and suddenly the constantly scowling face made sense. Of course he would despise Germans after going through something so horrific.

“What you two saw that day out in the field, with Captain Woermann forcing that Jew to rape Levi at gun point, was not the first time he was humiliated in that sort of way, and it wasn’t the last time a man raped him.”

Jean muttered solemnly, “ _Sie haben uns von Grützmacher erzählt._ ” You told us about Grützmacher.

Catching the name of his rapist, Levi bristled. “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

“I’ll explain later,” Eren said, patting his arm to keep him calm. “ _Nach all dem bin ich überrascht, dass er mir vertraut._ ” After all that, I’m surprised he trusts me. Eren continued in German, “After Grützmacher, after seeing him being forced like that, seeing him _shattered_ by the total depravity … I knew I had to get Levi out. After suffering that much, he deserves freedom. He can’t even procreate anymore—we Germans took that away from him—so what does it matter if he flees to another country?”

Jean still shook his head, but his eyes were calmly calculating now. “You say you love him, but you want him to be gone.”

“I want him to be _safe_. Plus, once he’s not around, it lessens the chance of me being discovered.” He glared at Jean. “Are you going to report me to the Gestapo?”

“Is he going to slit my throat if I say yes?”

“Probably,” Eren answered with cold honesty.

Jean looked at Levi, tiny but vicious, and that speed earlier showed that this man was an expert at close combat fighting. Jean cursed and shook his head.

“You say, you can’t help but be this way,” he said, quietly trying to sort this out. “Then it’s like a hereditary issue.”

“I don’t know if it’s hereditary,” Eren muttered.

“But it’s something you can’t _not_ be. You said it’s like eye color or skin color. You can’t change that … like you can’t change being Romani or a Jew.”

By the deep pinch in Jean’s brow, Eren realized he was thinking about his childhood friend Marco, slaughtered with his caravan for no other reason other than they were Romani.

“Our scientists say that homosexuals make weak fighters, but I’ve seen you in battle. You’re stronger than some of these men who hit up the brothels every week.” Jean paused, and asked with awkward curiosity, “Have you ever had sex with a man?”

Eren was shocked by the blunt question and laughed that, once again, Jean had no filter on his mouth. “No,” he answered honestly. “Nor with a woman.”

He nodded, then shrugged and decided to go ahead and ask, “Have you ever kissed him?”

Eren ducked his head down and felt his cheeks warm up. “Yes.”

Jean saw the love-struck blush, and he cursed again, confused why seeing Eren obviously in love made him feel warm inside, not disgusted. “Fine,” he decided. “Whatever sort of people you love, you’re still the sort of soldier Germany needs. That’s all that matters in war.”

Armin perked up. “Then you’ll help us?”

Eren looked over in surprise. “You’re not against this?”

Armin shrugged with an amiable smile. “It was a high probability, although I admit you were good at concealing it.”

Eren laughed, realizing he should have known. If even Levi figured out long ago that Eren had feelings for him, Armin definitely would have caught on right away.

Jean sat on the bed, determined to listen now. “So what’s the plan?”

“We need maps, locations of the enemy, any information we can get, not just of Metz itself, but once he’s outside of it. I have a possible lead, but I need to make sure it’s safe.”

“What sort of lead?” asked Jean.

Eren paused before muttering, “You probably don’t want to know.”

Jean shook his head. “I’m not getting involved with the French Resistance.”

“You don’t need to. I want him out of this city soon, but I don’t want to rush this and make a fatal mistake, for him or for us.”

“How long do you think you can keep him in the attic?”

Eren shrugged. “Days? Weeks? I don’t know.”

Armin said, “Try to make it within the next two weeks. The Americans are stopped, a petrol shortage, they won’t be here yet, but we don’t have much time. If their general is smart, he’ll aim for a pincer maneuver. We need to make sure we keep our eyes on the eastern roads out of the city.”

“Eastern? Not north or west?”

“The American army is in those directions. They’re setting up bridgeheads all along the Moselle. I know he was aiming for Belgium originally, but with the way the war is going, his best bet for survival is to head away from the war, then swing around where the Allies have already conquered. We’ll try to get him out within the next two weeks.”

Jean grumbled, “If he’s going to be staying in the attic, tell him to not bump around up there. It was loud last night. I thought a rat knocked over something.”

“That might have been me. I went up to check on him.” Then Eren teased, “I could totally hear you grunting like a pig.”

“I bet you grunt worse.”

They laughed, and Eren realized Levi was still standing next to him.

“Oh, Armin, Levi was eating breakfast. Can he sit there?”

Armin quickly stood up and motioned to the chair. “ _Bitte nimm Platz._ ”

Eren looked up to Levi. “He says ‘please take a seat.’”

Levi glared around at the three Germans. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“They’re both going to help.”

“They know about you, about … liking men?” He did not want to say the word _homosexual_ since the Germans would know that word as well.

“Yes.”

“And they’re okay with that?”

Eren glanced at Jean. “They’ll let it slide.”

Levi shook his head. “It’s dangerous. I could kill them for you.”

“Levi, no!”

“You wouldn’t have to be around. I don’t normally use poisons, but—”

“Levi!” Eren snapped.

Armin looked concerned. “ _Ist er wütend auf uns?_ ” Is he angry at us?

Eren sighed, shaking his head in disappointment, although he knew Levi was just being protective. “ _Er macht sich nur Sorgen um mich._ ” He’s just worried about me.

Armin smiled to Levi. “ _Wir werden es niemandem sagen, versprochen._ ” We won’t tell anyone, I promise. Then he looked over to Jean. “ _Oder, Jean?_ ” Will we, Jean?

Jean rolled his eyes. “ _Ich habe schon gesagt, ich werde helfen._ ” I’ve already said I’ll help.

“ _Schwöre ihm, du wirst es nicht verpetzen._ ” Swear to him, you won’t tattle.

Jean turned to Levi, still angry that the small man had come so close to killing him, but he supposed, when Eren had been threatened by one of their own soldiers in Anzio, he had killed the soldier without hesitation. Maybe they were not all too different. Both he and Levi were protective over Eren, because they both realized what a good man he was.

“ _Ich verspreche, ihn nicht zu melden. Wir sind Freunde, und Freunde verraten sich nicht._ ”

Eren smiled in thanks to Jean and translated to Levi, “He says, ‘I promise not to report him. We are friends, and friends don’t betray each other.’”

Levi gave Jean a nod in silent truce. He moved away from Eren and walked around the table to where he had been sitting. “Tell him, sorry about his throat. Did I cut him?”

Eren asked Jean and reported back to Levi. “He says no, you didn’t draw blood, but he’s impressed by your speed.”

“I’m surprised by his control. A stupid man would’ve tried to fight me.” Then Levi shoveled some cold waffles into his mouth.

The Germans talked and laughed for about an hour, with Eren relaying some of the comments to Levi in English. In this way, for the first time, the four of them were able to have a rather civil conversation.

“So when did…” Armin awkwardly waved between the two of them. “… _this_ happen?”

Eren glanced at Levi, who was done with the food and had picked up his teacup, only to find it empty. “About a week ago. After what happened in that field and with Grützmacher, I kept checking on him, making sure he was fed and rubbing on medication to his wounds. He figured it out, that it was more than just being nice. So I admitted it and … and I kissed him.”

Jean asked, “And he returned your feelings?”

Eren chuckled and shook his head. “He told me it was stupid and dangerous, I could be killed—”

“He’s right,” Jean cut in.

“He also told me he was not homosexual—I already knew about his late wife—and he wasn’t sure if he could feel the same.”

Armin looked concerned. “Then is it all one-sided?”

Eren’s laugh was slightly nervous. “I told him I didn’t want to force him into anything, but … but he said if it was me, and if it was just kisses, then he doesn’t mind … and…”

He broke off as memories of last night came to his mind, Levi above him, his body thrusting against him, their cocks rubbing one another through clothing, building up heat and euphoric pressure. He felt blood rushing to his cheeks from just the memory.

Would Levi have done all that if he felt nothing at all?

Across the way, Levi’s eyes narrowed at the bashful faces Eren was making. “What sort of perverted things are you telling these two now?”

Eren jolted out of memories and teased Levi, “They were asking how you fell madly, deeply in love with me.”

“Who the fuck said that?” he grumbled. He picked up his teacup again, realized it was still empty, and frowned as he set it back down.

“Are you thirsty?” Eren checked his watch. “It’s almost noon. We could order lunch.”

“I just need a drink,” Levi muttered.

Eren asked Armin and Jean, “ _Seid ihr beschäftigt? Ich kann Mittagessen bestellen._ ” Are you busy? I can order lunch.

Jean checked his watch. “ _Himmel, ist es schon so spät?_ ” Christ, is it that late? “I need to head out. I’m supposed to meet my new platoon at noon.” He stood and pulled his new officer cap on.

“Wait one moment. I’ll call Floch to drive you, but first let me order lunch.”

“I told you, I don’t have time.”

“Not for you.” He nodded over to Levi. “So he can eat and it’s not suspicious.”

Jean glanced down at Levi, so small and skinny, like one missed meal might turn him to dust, and he sat back down. “Fine, but if food is coming, he should hide.”

Eren turned to Levi and explained the plan to get him lunch. He nodded, and since he had not lowered the rope ladder, he pulled his chair up to the attic hatch. Eren walked over to give him a boost up with his linked hands providing a stepping boost. The hatch closed with a slight squeak while Eren hobbled to the telephone.

Jean looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling. “We can oil that hatch so it doesn’t creak like that. It’ll minimize your chance of being caught.”

“Good idea,” said Eren. He picked up the receiver. “Operator, put me through to the hotel concierge. Yes, I’m in the middle of discussions with some of my platoon, and we need four sandwiches and two bottles of wine brought up to Room 404. Thank you.” He hung up and dialed again. “Operator, put me through to Nordpol Barracks. Hello? This is _Oberleutnant_ Eren Jäger. Is _Gefreiter_ Floch Forster there? Yes, I’ll hold.” He reclined on the bed. “It beats trying to hunt him down.”

“I could call a taxi faster,” Jean grumbled.

Eren sat up. “Forster, good! Glad you’re still around. I … no, I don’t need a ride myself,” he said with a chuckle. “A meeting went a little long, Kirschtein needs to get to his new platoon right away, and since it’s my fault he’s running later, I offered him a ride. He’ll meet you in the lobby. Yes, try to hurry. No, you don’t need to get me anything. Just hurry. Thank you.” He hung up and shook his head. “I swear, he’s too eager to help.”

“Maybe he can help with Levi,” Armin suggested.

“Best not,” Jean grumbled. “The fewer people who know, the better.”

“I considered it, but I’m on the fence about Floch,” Eren admitted. “He saw the attic hatch left open my first day here, after I had checked to see if it would even work. He thought keeping Levi up there was a good idea, but he seemed to think I would use him as a slave. When I asked a few questions about his feelings toward Jews, Floch was pretty firm that he hates them. I think, in his mind, they’re useful tools, but not people to be pitied or helped. Right now, he thinks I shot Levi. Let’s leave it at that.”

“I wish I still thought that you killed him,” Jean admitted. “Not that I don’t sympathize, but it would be easier if I thought he was dead. Then I don’t feel obligated to save your ass.” He sighed and walked over to the window to gaze out. “I don’t even like that I’m _here_ , right on the front lines again, let alone volunteering to risk my ass for some French Jew. I joined the military thinking it was a duty to my country, a quick war, I could retire with a nice pension, maybe some medals, return to my hometown a hero, impress the ladies, settle down with a good woman, and be able to boast to my children and grandchildren that I served Hitler and the Nazi Party with pride, I was one of the heroes of my generation, just like my great-grandfather who fought in the Franco-Prussian War.” He watched a military truck rumble by. “It would have been a nice way to spend my last years.”

Eren shrugged lightheartedly. “It could still happen.”

Armin laughed, “We’ll be like those old men sitting in the beer halls, telling anyone who will listen stories of the war.”

Jean’s gloominess faded away. “And maybe they’ll buy us rounds if we keep telling outrageous tales of the glory we brought to the Third Reich.”

Eren teased, “You’re already good at telling outrageous tales to any drunk woman who will listen!”

They laughed, when there was a knock at the door.

Eren hobbled over and saw the same bellhop. “Ah, good. Take the previous tray out. I’ll leave this one in the hallway when we’re done.”

“Very good, sir!” the young teen said, pushing the new cart in, gathering the dishes on the table, and taking the old cart out.

“Oh, hey, can I get a bucket, something I can keep around, you know, in case the medication I’m on makes me sick?”

“Right away, sir. Do you need me to contact a doctor for you?”

“I already saw one, thank you.”

He left with a tip of the hat and shut the door.

Jean looked at the thick sandwiches. “Man, now I wish I had time to sit and eat. I’m going to get spoiled, being able to order food to my room whenever I want it. Of course, then I don’t get to meet all the cute local girls,” he said with a laugh. “I’ll check on you tomorrow, make sure your leg hasn’t fallen off.”

“Good luck with the new platoon. Whip them into shape, and listen to your platoon sergeant. Some of them are actually kinda smart.”

“ _Kinda?_ ” he bellowed, but Eren and Armin burst into peals of laughter. “To hell with you.”

Armin stood up. “I’m leaving too. Levi can have my sandwich, maybe save it for later. I’m not really that hungry yet.” He pulled on his cap, but he paused. “Eren … don’t get caught,” he whispered. “With _any_ of it.”

Eren stood, took up his cane to limp over to him, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry.” Then he laughed with a carefree smile. “It’s not like they’re going to shoot me.”

Armin’s face showed that this was not something to joke about. “You could be killed, seriously.”

Eren gave up trying to keep things light. “I know. I understand the risks. I’ve lived with them my whole life.” He paused as he thought back to his childhood friends whom he had beaten up just to make the adults think he was not also homosexual. “Still … I must try.”

Armin knew there was no stopping his lieutenant once he took on a mission. At that moment, he saw that Eren was determined to see this mission through to the end, and he had the strongest reason of all to fight. Love!

He stepped back, and as Jean opened the door, Armin said, “Enjoy your day, sir.”

“Thanks,” Eren said, and he saw them out, watching the two head for the stairs. He was about to shut his door when he saw Surma step out of his room across the way.

“Ah, Jäger. Got a day off?”

He waved down to his leg and the cane. “A whole week. I was just having a discussion with my men. With Jean promoted, he was recommending some qualified men to replace him as a platoon sergeant.”

“Tough job. Good luck with that. I’ll be running my men through drills today.”

“You sure do make them work.”

“We must, for victory!”

“ _Sieg heil!_ ” Eren replied enthusiastically. Then he shut the door and made sure to lock it. He let out a soft exhale. He had just taken a step when there was a knock on the door. He jolted and spun around so fast, his bad leg nearly collapsed. Eren gripped the cane tighter to stay upright and opened the door to see Surma again.

“Hey, can I get you anything when I come back? Some books to read while you are on rest? I know a place that has excellent wine.”

“That’s very generous of you. I wouldn’t mind some books and wine. Oh! Can you see if there is a French book? My captain asked me to learn the language, and I’d like to practice it more. It’ll give me something to do.”

“Excellent idea! I learned a little bit of Russian when I was first deployed to the Eastern Front.”

“Oh! I didn’t know that. You must have some great stories.”

“Horrible ones,” he grumbled.

“Same here with Italy. It was hell.”

“Metz is nice.”

“So far. Italy was nice at first too.”

Surma hummed and nodded. “Well, I’ll bring you a few books and wine later tonight.”

“Around what time?” asked Eren. “I’m on some medication for the pain that makes me sleepy. I want to be sure I’m awake when you come.”

“Not too late. I can drop by before supper.”

“Perfect,” Eren said, making a note to be sure Levi was not in his room at that time.

Then Surma left, and Eren saw the bellhop hurrying forward with a bucket. Eren thanked him, took the bucket, and once again shut the door. He locked it and slumped out of tension. Then he hobbled to the attic hatch and thumped it softly with the tip of the cane.

“It’s safe.”

Levi opened it and looked around. “Who were you talking to?”

“The lieutenant across the hall. He offered to bring me something to read. Hungry?”

Levi slipped out the ladder and climbed down. “You really are risking things, having me down here with you.”

“I’d be bored without you around.” He limped back to the table and took a seat. “I could use some wine, and it’s better with company.”

A smile almost reached Levi’s lips as he sat across from him. Eren opened the wine, took two of the glasses on the trolley, and poured out for them both. Levi lifted the wine, gave it a swirl, and sniffed. He made a face but took a sip anyway.

“Shit wine, just like the shit tea. They bought the cheap stuff.” He took another sip. “At least in France, even the shitty wine is better than whatever Germans make.”

“That’s mean,” Eren said with a laugh.

Levi looked at the cart. “You got my bucket, I see. And more wine for later?”

Eren picked up the wine bottle and set it on the table in front of Levi. “More wine for _you_. If you’re thirsty but can’t come down here, at least you have something to drink.”

“Shitty wine is better than dehydration, I guess.” He held his glass up. “ _À la vôtre!_ ”

“ _Prost!_ ” Eren said, and they clinked glasses.

* * *

Meanwhile, as they sat together in the hotel lobby waiting for Floch, Jean read a newspaper while Armin stared off in dark worries.

Armin whispered, “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

Jean focused on the newspaper, keeping it raised high to hide his mouth. “He’s gotten us through tough times. He’s a strong fighter.”

“I mean, everything else. Him, what he is.”

Jean softly hushed him before Armin began to panic. “I hate to say it, but a man like that won’t ever find a safe harbor, not in this world.”

Armin was a little more optimistic. “There might be a place far away from here. Besides, if there are two people who can survive anything, it’s those two. Eren probably should have died a dozen times over when we were in Italy. We even joked, with his luck, he must have made a deal with the devil. And Levi, he’s the last survivor from that group we found back then, and here he is, living in Metz amidst four garrisons of German troops. Maybe he’s the same.”

Jean nodded dourly. “ _Pakt mit dem Teufel_.” Pact with the Devil. Just then, a car pulled up, and Jean set the newspaper aside. “Let’s go.”

# # #

# #

#

_Thank you, screwthisimeating, for letting me know that, while my translation was fine for modern German, during this period of time, Germans would not have used an anglicism like the original title of this chapter “Deal Mit Dem Teufel,” and instead would have used the word “Pakt.” That’s the sort of time-period-specific details that I absolutely love!_

_**Levi’s Dust Allergy** – I’m badly allergic to dust. You would think I’d be a neat-freak like Levi, but rather the opposite. My childhood chore was dusting, so as a kid, I ended up with rashes and lung infections all the time until a doctor told my mother, STOP having me dust! I’m now scared to dust. I generally try to avoid creating a space that leads to dust (like non-covered shelves) and I keep spaces I frequently touch clean, but stuff like the back of the TV or top of my bookshelf? Nope! If I have to get into a dirty area, I ask my husband to wipe away the dust first, or I pull on gloves, long sleeves, and a mask so the dust does not touch my skin or get into my lungs. However, I can see how the same allergy could lead someone into OCD-levels of cleanliness._

_**Gay Gene?** – There was talk years ago about the discovery of a “gay gene,” and while that’s a drastic oversimplification of a highly complex field of biology, there is a link between homosexuality and genetics. Rather than a single gene and lets a parent-to-be know if their baby is going to be a lesbian, it’s a combination of genes as well as environmental factors that make a person more likely (though not positively) to be non-heterosexual._

_**Nordpol Barracks** — I have no clue how Germans label their barracks, but some military groups use the phonetic alphabet, known in German as **Funkalphabet**. This is a way to spell things out without misunderstanding. Anyone with a name that contains letters that sound alike knows the trouble. Take my name: Rhov. If I’m spelling it over the phone, “Vee” sounds like “Bee” or even “Dee.” Thus, the phonetic alphabet comes in handy. Different countries use different words that are easily recognizable to the speakers of that language, usually names or objects. So in American Phonetic Language, my name is spelled “Romeo-Hotel-Oscar-Victor,” and in the German Funkalphabet it is “Richard-Heinrich-Otto-Viktor.” [The Nazis changed some of the letters in the old phonetic alphabet to remove any names that they associated with Jews](http://https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-55186459). For the letters D, J, N, S, and Z, “David” became Dora, “Jacob” became Julius, “Nathan” became Nordpol (to Nazis, the North Pole stood for the Aryan master race), “Samuel” became Siegfried, and “Zacharias” became Zeppelin. Also, Y was “Ypres,” a Belgian city notorious for being the first place Germans used poison gas in WWI. Nazis changed that letter to “Ypsilon.” While researching a book, author Michael Blume came across the anti-semitic origins of the modern-day German phonetic alphabet and alerted the anti-Semitism commissioner, who contacted the German Institute for Standardization and suggested a return to the old phonetic alphabet. This is being worked on at the time of publishing this, and is expected to take effect in late 2022._

* * *

  
_(Napoleon III and Bismarck talk after Napoleon’s capture at the Battle of Sedan, by Wilhelm Camphausen)_

**Franco-Prussian War**

Also called _La guerre de 1870_ (War of 1870) and _Deutsch-Französischer Krieg_ (German-French War), this 6-month war was fought between July 1870 and January 1871. While it was short, the consequences to Europe and the rest of the world were monumental.

After Prussia defeated Austria in 1866, French Emperor Napoleon III (nephew of the famously short Napoleon) felt the Prussians were getting a bit too uppity, and he wanted to prove his Second French Empire was the dominant power in Europe. He attacked Prussia. Chancellor Otto von Bismarck saw this as an opportunity to unite the German States. Prussia, Saxony, Baden, Bavaria, Württemberg, and Hesse united to form the German Empire, also called the Imperial State of Germany, _Kaiserreich_ , or Second Reich.

Everyone in Europe thought France would easily defeat Prussia, outnumbering them 3-to-2, so the rapid and crushing victory of Germany stunned the world over.

In just a month, the united Germans not only defended against the French forces, they forced them into a retreat. 150,000 Germans laid siege to Metz. Napoleon III himself rode up from Sedan with an army to break the siege, but the Germans repelled them and forced the French to retreat back to Sedan. Then the Germans attacked there, and in just one day they defeated the French army, killed the general of the French cavalry, and captured Napoleon III. He surrendered but refused to sign a peace treaty, saying that was now up to the Regent, his wife. When she heard he had surrendered in Sedan, the Empress shouted, “Why didn’t he kill himself! Doesn’t he know he has dishonored himself?” (What a wife!)

With Napoleon III captured, the citizens of Paris did what they do best: revolt against the government! The Empress fled to England, the people declared the return of the Republic, and thus the French Empire was overthrown.

As the Germans laid siege to Paris, the new Republic government called for citizens to rise up, create a guerilla force, and attack the Germans around Paris. Although the Germans could have easily decimated the city, the commander refused to bombard Paris on moral grounds.

Meanwhile, Napoleon III kept meeting with Otto von Bismarck (see famous painting above) promising to sign a peace treaty if Bismarck let him use the loyal soldiers still holed up in Metz to crush the new Republic in Paris and reinstate himself as Emperor. Bismarck rather liked Napoleon, but he knew that if he helped to reinstate him, the Emperor would look like a puppet of the enemy of France, and the people would just rise up against him. Germany needed the new Republic itself to surrender, which it finally did in January after the siege of Paris brought the city past the brink of starvation and hungry citizens rioted.

France suffered one million military casualties, compared to 100,000 casualties for the Germans. In their peace treaty, France gave up control of the provinces Alsace and Lorraine, which included Metz. (This is why Jean considers Metz to be a German city.) Napoleon III was released, but now despised by his countrymen who blamed him for their humiliating defeat, the former emperor left France to join his wife in England, where he spent the days designing an energy efficient stove. (Because why not!) When he died, the disgrace of his surrender at the Battle of Sedan was still heavy on his mind, as his last words were, “Isn’t it true that we weren’t cowards at Sedan?”

The Franco-Prussian War resulted in the fall of the French Empire and the many nation-states of central Europe uniting into the German Empire. The amazing efficiency of the German Army was studied by commanders around the world, and countries began to adopt German innovations like mobilization and the General Staff. France’s humiliation, wanting to get back their lost land, British worries about the balance of power in Europe, and everyone now fearing and/or admiring Germany’s military strength, created generations of animosity and distrust between France and Germany, and many nations seeking Germany as an ally.

So while the Franco-Prussian War was only six months long, the ripples spread far past Europe and directly led to two World Wars.


	37. What Does He See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Eren wants is to love Levi and not be seen as disgusting. Levi is torn between fearing all these deepening emotions and surrendering to them.

Eren called Levi back down, and with wine and four sandwiches, they had plenty to eat as they talked idly. Eren told him about challenges he faced in Napola as a child, including a mock battle where one of his classmates was killed, and Levi told him about some of his “jobs” as a spy. Once they were done, Eren pushed the cart out into the hallway, locked the door, and they relaxed together in bed.

Levi stared up at the ceiling, feeling the soft pillow under his head and Eren’s warmth radiating beside him. Eren’s fingers occasionally touched him, just soft caresses to his arm, or reaching up to touch his hair, like he needed to feel Levi’s body to convince himself he really was there. As for Levi, those touches kept him in the moment, as opposed to sinking into dark memories. It was almost like, every time a painful memory came up, Eren was right there to ease him out of the past.

“This feels weird,” Levi muttered.

Eren’s fingers had been caressing his arm, and they pulled away suddenly. “Weird?”

“Not you,” he said. “I like that.”

Eren smiled and kept softly feeling along Levi’s wrist and forearm.

“I mean, resting. Just sitting in bed, nothing to do, and … actually relaxing. I got that week off after … after _that time_.” Eren suddenly grabbed his wrist, as if to keep him in the present and not slip off into the past. Levi patted Eren’s hand to assure him he was okay. “But that wasn’t really relaxing. The bed was awful, it stank of Moses, I hurt everywhere the whole time, and it was nightmare after nightmare. It was torture more than anything. Being able to work and not think about it might have been more merciful.”

Eren’s gaze lowered. “I’m sorry, that was my idea.”

“No, I needed to recover, but … I just mean, it wasn’t _relaxing_ to sit in bed back then.” He rested his head against Eren’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “This is better.”

Eren sighed softly and kissed Levi’s forehead. It really was a rare opportunity, to see Levi at rest, all defenses dropped. No scowl, no grimace, no deathly coldness in his eyes. His lips were not exactly in a smile, but the lack of a frown was just as good as a smile to Eren.

Then, to shatter that almost-smile, a pinch tightened between his eyebrows. Levi muttered with wistful sadness, “I wish it could last.”

Eren glanced aside, also wanting that. Yet the reality was that this city would be a war zone any day now. Armin predicted two weeks, but the tides of war could change rapidly. They had to get Levi out of there before the bombs began to fall.

And when that started, there was no guarantee that Eren would make it out of the battle alive.

These few moments of peace might be their last.

Determination filled Eren’s eyes, and he sat up in bed. Levi frowned in displeasure at having Eren’s shoulder taken away, but he saw the seriousness in his gaze.

“Armin asked something,” Eren began, “and it made me realize, I’ve never been clear on certain things. I’ve never said it directly, and I need to while I still can.” He took both of Levi’s hands, gripped them tightly, and looked right into his eyes. “Levi … I love you.”

Levi looked confused for a moment, then stunned as he realized Eren really just said that, then he looked like he wanted to laugh it off, yet as he saw the seriousness in Eren’s eyes, that feeling changed to fear. Levi sat up in a rush as a tiny gasp escaped and his heart pounded heavily in his chest.

“You … love?”

He wanted Eren to laugh and say it was a joke, but instead he had a diffident smile, so hopeful but nervous, with eyes that were warm, gentle, and far too innocent. Levi began to shake his head. A deep tremor started from his chest and spread out to his limbs. He suddenly yanked his hands free and rose to his feet. He felt like he was choking as he backed away, like he had seen a landmine and feared triggering it.

“Levi?” Eren asked in concern.

Levi snapped, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

That harsh reaction stunned Eren. “What? Of course I do.”

Levi still shook his head stubbornly. “You’re too young to know what love is.”

“I’m nineteen. Many of the other lieutenants are married. Wim and Oliver have children.”

Levi spun away. His neck hurt from how tight it was, like a ghostly hand was crushing his throat, cutting off his air. He needed to breathe, but he feared it would be a scream. Suddenly, the clenching invisible fingers released, and a deep, shaking gulp of air gasped into his lungs. Levi hugged himself as he walked to the window, needing to see outside, to see _reality_ , not the horrors plaguing his mind.

Eren watched, worried by the reaction. He had expected blushing, maybe a coy refusal with Levi’s typical insults to hide his feelings. Not that look of utter horror.

“Levi?” he whispered again.

“You’re just a little brat,” he snapped quietly. “You don’t know…” His throat clenched again, and his fist went to his mouth to hold back something: screams, vomit, he was not sure, he just knew he could not let it out. It was dangerous, whatever it was, and he had kept it buried for so long.

“I know my own heart.” Eren paused and dropped his gaze. Maybe this was another case of—what did Levi call it?— _moving too fast_. “You don’t have to love me back. I don’t want you to think I’m forcing you to feel anything more than you do already. That much is enough. I just wanted to finally say it.” He glanced up, smiling wistfully, but Levi still stared out the window. “Levi?”

“You’re mistaken,” he stated, suddenly sounding cold, finding solace in emptiness. “It’s not love. That’s a mistake. You’re not in love with me.”

“But I am,” Eren said, confused by Levi’s words.

“No. You have some warm feeling in your dick and you think you’re in love. Well, you’re not.”

“What? No!” he cried out. “It’s _more_ than that.”

“You’re a hopeless idiot. You’re too young.” His brow furrowed deeply as he glared at this French city infested with Nazis, with red banners containing the swastika hanging from buildings everywhere, dripping like blood. His teeth clenched in rage, fear, regret, and grief. “You’re … too young,” he whispered again.

Too young, like Petra was too young, only now Eren was even younger. Nineteen! He had barely started life!

For Eren, this was worse than a rejection; it was a denial of his feelings, and it pissed him off. He rose from the bed, stomped up to Levi, grabbed him, and spun him back around, away from the window. When Levi made to break free, Eren pinned him to the wall and slammed his hand by his head, forcing him to stay there and hear him out.

“I said, I know my own heart,” he declared, keeping his voice soft, but that made it sound far more dark and dire. “You don’t get to decide how I feel. You don’t have to feel the same, just don’t tell me I’m mistaken. Don’t tell me I’m stupid, or too young. Don’t…” He sneered to hold back the anguish. “ _Don’t_ tell me I’m not in love.”

Levi still shook his head, feeling a deep tremor through his whole body. Softly, in a whisper filled with grief and fear, he warned, “Loving me will get you killed.”

“ _Being me_ will get me killed,” Eren countered. “At the very least, if I’m going to die, I would rather tell you how I feel first.” His anger softened, and he combed his fingers through Levi’s hair, wishing he knew how to brush away all of that fear in his eyes that had such dark circles under them. “I know my heart,” he whispered tenderly, “and I know … _Ich liebe dich. Wahnsinnig, hoffnungslos, völlig verliebt._ I’ve fallen madly, hopelessly, completely in love with you.”

Levi stared, not wanting to believe it, not wanting it to be true. If Eren really was _in love_ …

“ _Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen._ ”

“What … What does that mean?” Levi asked in a tentative whisper.

Eren smiled with a blush on his cheeks. “I love you with my whole heart.”

Levi shook his head. “You can’t.”

“I can, and I do.” Eren leaned in close to his lips but hesitated just before they touched. “May I kiss you?”

“You always ask,” Levi pointed out.

“I’m always worried you’ll tell me no.”

Levi let out a huff, but he could not be frustrated about Eren’s worries, not when he had to think the matter over every single time. Yet over the past week, he had come to realize something.

Each time they kissed, it became less bizarre and more relaxing. He looked forward to their chances to kiss.

“You may.”

The kiss was gentle, full of warmth and life and dreams of happiness. _That_ was what scared Levi. Eren was far too good and pure. He deserved a long life, being a source of joy to all around him. He deserved a family. If he did not want a woman in his life, at least he could adopt. He deserved to raise children with that sunny smile of his and pat them on the head as he sent them to school, dreams of happiness he had once … with Petra.

Levi suddenly pulled aside, dropping his head as something broke in him.

Was he fearful for Eren, or himself? Both?

Eren was not forceful, but he was determined to get his feelings across. He reached forward and touched Levi’s cheek. Gray-blue eyes turned up, not the snarky coldness Eren had grown to love; something fragile hid in that gaze. Eren barely wanted to move, lest he break Levi.

It looked like Levi was trying to talk. His throat tensed, his lips pressed together, but emotions held him back. He gulped hard and managed only a thin whisper.

“You don’t deserve this.”

Eren’s heart broke at the buried fear in those words. “It’s what I am, and it’s the world we’re in.”

Levi still shook his head, slipping away into grief. Petra did not deserve to die. She wasn’t even Jewish, and they murdered her because she fell in love with a Jew. Now Eren as well. To Levi, it felt like every person who fell in love with him risked death.

He was poisonous to love!

“Levi,” Eren whispered. “This is all I want. You,” he said, cupping Levi’s cheek. “This.” He kissed Levi’s brow. “I think I deserve happiness. Do you think I don’t?”

He grumbled, “That’s not a fair question.”

Eren leaned in close again. “Then just let me be happy. Only if you’re happy too.”

Eren wanted it to be Levi who made the choice, so he paused there, leaning over to reach his lips, his body ready to smother the small man, but it was all on halt.

Levi waited for the kiss, but he saw that Eren was forcing him to make the move. What a brat! Levi was still unsure about this, but how was it different from five minutes ago, before Eren said those words?

“Tell me again,” he breathed. He needed to hear it, to accept it, and at least not disgrace those pure feelings with his dark fear.

Eren leaned in even closer until his lips fluttered over Levi’s and whispered, “I love you.”

Three words he feared. Three words he craved.

Levi grabbed the back of Eren’s scalp and pulled his head in closer, crashing their lips together with aggression Eren had not expected. His eyes widened in a moment of shock. Once again, he anticipated one emotion from Levi and got another.

Not that he minded this time!

Eren immediately pressed up closer, opened his mouth, and felt Levi plunge in right away. One arm rested on the wall to hold him up while the other hand caressed Levi’s face, tilting his chin up. To his delight, he felt Levi’s arms wrap around him, clutching at the gray undershirt, nails digging into Eren’s back.

Then suddenly, Levi’s mouth broke away. He spun Eren around, pushed him up against the wall now, and attacked Eren’s throat. Eren gasped at the feel of those wet lips nipping, sucking down his Adam’s apple, along the side, and down toward his collar. A soft but shuddering moan breathed out his mouth, knowing he needed to keep quiet but unable to hold back.

Eren grabbed Levi, and they spun again, wrestling as they both craved more. Eren pinning Levi right into the wall with a thrust of his hips as a throb pulsed through him.

“Shit, Eren,” he hissed in pleasure.

Who made the next move, they weren’t even sure. It was like they both knew what came next and silently acted as one. They pulled away from the wall, not letting go of one another, and stumbled over to the bed. Levi pushed Eren down first, but Eren grabbed him and spun him in a strong-armed roll, putting Levi’s head up by the pillows and climbing on top.

He wanted to try kissing like _that_ now!

He kissed Levi’s throat, trying to mimic what he had just felt. He nibbled all the way up to his earlobe, and then down until his lips met the collar of the blue shirt. _His_ blue shirt!

If it was his shirt, then he could remove it, right?

He flicked the first button, just so he could go lower down on Levi’s neck, but that wasn’t enough. He unbuttoned another and nibbled down toward Levi’s collarbone, all the while hearing Levi’s breathing getting harder and feeling fingernails scratching into his back.

Still not enough!

He kept fumbling with the buttons, listening to Levi’s rapid breathing, trying so hard to keep quiet. He kissed all over Levi’s body with frantic madness, like a deep hunger awakened by the tiniest taste of savory food.

Eren pulled up, flushed, lips wet, and saw the shirt completely unbuttoned and spread apart. He gazed at Levi’s exposed torso. He was so _painfully_ handsome. Eren touched his pale chest reverently, like touching the statue of a Greek god.

Levi’s eyes opened at the pause in kisses and gazed up. Once again, a kiss with Eren always turned into more, and the young man was a quick learner. What was he thinking about now, though? Levi had allowed him to undo his shirt, remembering when he had helped to take off Eren’s shirt at the Reeves’ house. It was only fair to let him try the same thing. But … now what? Those teal eyes were filled with so many silent thoughts. Levi wished he knew just a few of them.

Eren suddenly pulled his cotton undershirt over his head and threw it aside. Levi gazed at the defined muscles built up after years of hard physical training and months of battle. Levi had never been sexually attracted to a man before, but he had at the very least an _aesthetic appreciation_ of strong men. There was something about it that made him respect the man right away. He could still hate a person, but also respect that they worked on strength and spent time to build up muscles to be a better fighter.

That _aesthetic appreciation_ was different this time. More than just admiring from afar, Levi wanted to touch. His hand reached up instinctively, but he pulled back, worried if this was too much. Eren reached forward, took his hand, and brought it to his chest, urging him to feel.

Maybe that was all he needed: someone who wanted him.

Levi’s hand slid up Eren’s chest, across his smooth pectorals, over to his shoulder, and down his muscular arm. He had touched him like this at the Reeves’ house, but it had been dark. Now, it was the middle of the day, sunlight poured in, and he could see every detail. There was a thrilling danger to this, but Levi was never one to shy away from peril.

Eren leaned over him again, caging him in, and their lips met. Only now, their bare chests pressed against each other. Levi could feel Eren’s heat right on him, and as his hands slid around to Eren’s back, all was bare, free to touch: smooth skin, sinewy muscles, roughened scars, all of it.

Eren’s kisses grew more aggressive. He kept pressing his body down, sliding along Levi’s bare torso, and then pulling up to feel the lingering heat, only to push down again, an undulation of his body rocking against Levi. Then he dove down and kissed his collar, neck, and chest. He wanted to kiss and venerate everything, each mole and scar and chest hair and … all of it!

Yet when he kissed Levi’s nipple, he heard a gasp, and Levi flinched away. Eren pulled up, worried if that was bad. He had heard from Jean—who loved to boast about his nights with women—that nipples were especially sensitive, but maybe it was different with men.

Then again, by the blush on Levi’s face, maybe it was not all that different. It was just too much. Eren could feel down below where their hips were pressed up against one another, it had definitely stirred something.

Eren chuckled. “A weakness.”

Levi stared. That was familiar … ah yes, he had said those same words at the Reeves’ house, and basically in the same spot for Eren. Levi smirked arrogantly and replied with the same words Eren had said back then. “Do you want to conquer me?”

Only this time, Eren leaned down and whispered right against his lips. “Yes!”

“Ah, but I already know your weakness.” Levi reached up and softly pinched Eren’s nipple.

Eren's whole body arched up, and the moan from him was far too loud. They both blushed at how erotic it sounded. Levi bit his lip, seriously wanting to tease Eren there more, but if his response was that loud, maybe it was not a good idea.

Eren saw Levi pull his hand back, so he teased, “Are you retreating?”

“I believe it would be a Pyrrhic victory.”

“Pyr- … oh! _Pyrrhussieg_.” He chuckled and lowered back down to Levi’s neck. “Well, if you won’t take to the battlefield, I will.” He latched onto Levi’s throat and heard a sharp hiss, while Levi’s fingers clutched desperately into him.

He kissed down Levi’s body, slower this time, keeping his gaze up at Levi’s face as he planted gentle pecks down the center of his chest, to his stomach, leaving small kisses all the way down. He listened to the deep breathes, airy-soft moans, trying to find more good spots, but when he reached the belt, he knew that any lower was forbidden for now.

He moved back up to the chest, kissing around, avoiding the nipples for the moment, just relishing the reactions from Levi. He went back up to his neck, and as he nipped the edge of Levi’s throat, a small but distinct moan rang out, only for Levi to slap a hand over his mouth.

Another weakness!

How Eren wanted to hear more!

That hardness growing down below especially intrigued him, and he tried to rub up and down it, small movements with his hips, not full rutting but just cautious gliding. He did not want to scare Levi away, but Eren desperately needed some friction for himself. While kissing Levi’s throat, he stroked his hand down the length of his torso, all the way to the belt. That seemed to be fine. So he reached down lower, between their bodies, and started to rub up from the thighs.

At that, Levi jolted away, almost trying to pull into a ball, but he was stuck under Eren’s body.

“ _Pas mes jambes._ My legs are sensitive,” he said in a soft warning.

“Sorry,” whispered Eren. His hand went back up, threading his fingers through Levi’s hair, silently assuring him he would not touch there again. He satisfied himself with kisses to his lips, neck, and chest. Levi’s hand went to Eren’s hair, petting his head, letting him know this much was good.

Minutes ticked by, hours could have passed and it would not have been enough. Eren wanted to spend the whole day like this, just venerating Levi’s body.

He tried one more time to kiss his nipple. It earned him a sharp breath, but no attempt to pull away. He carefully tried again, just planting a kiss there. That seemed better. He kissed again, liking how it began to tense up, hardening while Levi’s face flushed. He gave the nub a tiny lick, and Levi barely crushed a moan in his throat before it could fully bubble up. Eren’s hand reached to the other side, just caressing that part, twirling his finger around, feeling it harden and watching how Levi bit his lower lip. However, instincts kicked in, and Eren suddenly sucked on the tiny pebble while pinching on the other side.

Levi gasped and shoved him away hard.

“Sorry,” Eren immediately said. He knew that was too much; he just couldn’t help himself. “Is that not a good spot?”

Levi felt his heart fluttering, so aroused he could hardly think. His mind had drifted, not to the past, not to anything really. For a few minutes, he had existed in purely this moment of gentle pleasure. It had been a sweet escape, but the suck to such a sensitive area made a throb pulse so hard through his dick, it jolted him out of that hazy peace.

“It’s not … bad,” he muttered. “I just … I … don’t know.”

Eren smiled gently. For being far more experienced in the bedroom, Levi was surprisingly timid. Eren leaned his ear down onto Levi’s chest and simply rested there.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Listening to your heart,” he whispered. “It’s racing.”

Levi humphed. Of course it was racing! He reached down and began to stroke Eren’s hair again. A happy hum buzzed out, and it made Levi want to laugh. What sort of insane situation was he in!

Hormones calmed down, excitement eased away, and Levi found himself gazing up at the ceiling, enjoying the weight of Eren’s head on his chest and the softness of his hair. It was soothing to just lie there together.

“Levi?” Eren asked, sounding drowsy. Levi hummed in question. “I meant it earlier, but I’m sorry if telling you was inappropriate.”

Telling him … that he loved him. Just the echoing memory of those words hit some painful nerve. “Why are you like this, _takhshet_?”

Eren leaned up, worried if he was angry, or maybe even disgusted. “Like what?”

Levi could not meet his gaze. “So … up? Filling me with hope. _Putain_ , I don’t know a good word for it.”

Eren cupped Levi’s face and pulled it back to look at him. Levi let the young soldier guide him and saw Eren gazing at his lips. As he drew nearer, Levi watched, barely breathing.

“Does that make you happy, having hope?”

Levi’s lips tightened, but he nodded.

Eren gave him a soft kiss. “Should I never say those words again?”

“No, it’s okay,” he whispered. “They’re your honest feelings, right?”

Eren hummed in agreement.

“Then it’s fine. I’m … honored.”

But did he feel the same?

Did he have the right to feel love again?

Eren caressed his face, and in firm words told him directly, “You don’t have to feel the same, or tell me anything back. Just know I love you, and if that brings you hope…” His smile was like sunshine piercing storm clouds. “…then that makes me happy. Maybe one day it will make you happy too.”

Levi felt another barrier in his heart break apart, and the emotions that poured out burned, hurt, and confused him. “Feeling happiness … is hard for me,” he confessed. “Even before I married, I was called gloomy. How a sunshine woman like Petra put up with me, I’ll never know. Especially now, with this war, it honestly hurts to feel happy.”

Eren caressed his bare chest and rubbed their noses together. “Be happy in any way that works for you, and fall in love with me as slowly as you need. We can do whatever feels right for us both. Just let me feel the way I do, and don’t treat it like something disgusting.”

“It’s not disgusting. It’s not normal,” he added, “but then again, some would say neither was my marriage. A Catholic and a Jew? It breaks laws in some places. Perhaps that’s just the way I am; I can’t follow rules or what people say is the _proper_ way to do things. I do what I want. I was like that in the military, and I’m like that with my own heart.”

“With your own heart?” Eren nudged him with a playful smile. “Are you saying you already love me?”

“Shut up, _takhshet_ ,” he grumbled. “I _like_ you. I don’t know about love.”

Eren simply gave him a kiss on the cheek. “That’s good enough for me.” Then he rested his head back down on Levi’s chest. “Can I stay here a bit?” he asked as his eyes drifted down.

Levi reached down and stroked through the brown strands of hair. “I’d like that.”

Eren snuggled in closer. Levi drifted back into that moment that was purely in the present: no grief of the past, no fears of the future, just them, right here, right now.

This moment, at least, was peaceful, and that was what Levi direly needed.

He felt Eren’s head lulling, his body slumping, one heavy arm wrapped around his waist, that brunette head on his chest right over his heart, as his body completely went limp with sleep. Levi felt so at peace, he let his eyes drift down.

If life could be _just like this_ , that would be paradise, a dream come true.

* * *

The ringing of a bell pierced the air. Levi bolted straight out of bed with his knife drawn while guarding Eren. He blinked his eyes against the afternoon sun and hazy sleep. The ring clanged out again, and Levi looked all around him, searching for the enemy.

Eren sat up and yawned. “It’s the telephone.” He gulped dryness out of his throat and answered. “ _Hallo. Oh, Stabsgefreiter Berner! Ja, ich habe Sie gebeten, hierher zu kommen. Nein, nein, Sie haben mich beim Nickerchen erwischt, das ist alles. Sind Sie hier?_ ” Hello. Oh, Corporal Berner! Yes, I asked you to come here. No, no, you caught me napping, that’s all. Are you here?

Levi suddenly bolted into the bathroom with a hand to his mouth. Eren frowned, but he could not hang up on Moblit.

“Yes, now is a good time, just give me ten minutes. Sorry, like I said, I was just taking a nap. I’m on pain medication for the leg. No, it’s fine, I wanted to see you today. Hey, can you see if this hotel has real coffee? If not, some black tea. Yeah, that’d be great. See you in ten.”

He hung up and let out a long sigh. That really startled him. He heard gagging noises from the bathroom, pulled forward his cane, and hobbled over. Levi leaned over the sink, pale, his shirt hanging open. He looked like he was barely holding back from vomiting.

“Are you okay?” Eren whispered.

Despite his stomach still trying to heave, Levi nodded.

“I’m sorry if that scared you.”

He wanted to insist he wasn’t scared, yet he had to admit, for a few seconds, he had felt the deepest horror ever. “That ring,” he said with a trembling voice. “It’s the same type of telephone.”

Eren waited for more, but Levi looked like all of his energy was going into keeping his stomach down.

For a moment, the ringing telephone reminded him of the French Resistance when they were caught by Gestapo. He, Petra, and the Jews they were transporting to Switzerland had been hiding in another room when Gestapo banged on the door. Sitting in total silence, they could hear that things were not going good. Their room had a telephone, meant for emergencies, to warn them if the worst happened.

Someone in the Resistance had called the telephone, screaming at them to get out of there, just before Levi heard gunshots and the line went silent. They had tried to flee out a window, and being pregnant, the group had Petra go first. However, Gestapo in black uniforms had completely surrounded the building.

Petra had not even been completely out the window when she was grabbed and screamed in protest. Levi tried to bolt to her side, leaping straight out of the window and taking a tumbling roll outside with his knife drawn, ready to fight, only for strong arms to grab him from behind, wrestle the knife away, and pull him back. He had reached out to Petra, and she to him, yet she was pulled one way, he another, and the rest of the Jews still inside the room had been ordered to come out.

Then, for a moment, he saw the aftermath: Petra’s mutilated body slumped on the ground, her eyes open and hazy, half of her skull blasted out, her swollen belly sliced apart, intestines spilled on the roadside, a discarded amniotic sac leaking fluid into the mud, and dumped like trash, the underdeveloped baby, the head smaller than a fist, limbs the size of fingers, his tiny throat slit before he could even take his first crying breath of air.

Blood and entrails.

The woman he loved, the baby they had rested their dreams on.

Gone. Forever.

Levi leaned over the sink, wanting to vomit, cry, scream, and curse in every language he knew. Instead, he held it all in, like he always had to do. Bury it back, push it all down, grief had to come later.

In the coldness of such deep sorrow, a warm hand touched his shoulder. He jolted and looked up. His shirt was drooping off, only barely still on his arms. Eren was beside him, nude from the waist up. Warm feelings soothed the chill of death, but with them were new fears.

He would _never_ allow that to happen to someone he loved again. Never! No matter the price.

Eren took Levi into his arms, and feeling their bare chests pressed together brought Levi fully back into the present moment. He wrapped his arms around Eren and rested on his shoulder. A single choked sob hiccuped out before he could fully regain control.

“I will never let it happen to you,” he whispered. “I swear. Never again.”

Eren felt like he knew what Levi was talking about, and he simply held him. For Eren, this was his first love, exciting and new. For Levi, his last love ended in death, so of course he was scared to try again.

The fact that he was even trying showed how strong he was.

“So,” Levi said, starting to gather his wits, “who was on the telephone?”

“One of my soldiers, Moblit Berner. I plan to make him my new _Unteroffizier_. I told him to give me ten minutes.”

Levi nodded, pulled away, and tugged his shirt back up onto his shoulders. “You better get dressed,” he said, trying to sound normal. “I’ll take a piss and get out of here.”

Eren watched at Levi buttoned the shirt back up. He was right, of course. He needed to be ready to meet Moblit and not give any reason to suspect something. He walked back to the main room, found his discarded undershirt, and pulled it on. He opened his wardrobe and pulled his uniform tunic on. As he made sure his medals were straight, he heard Levi urinating in the bathroom, the toilet flushing, and then the water running as he washed his hands.

He heard Levi whisper an exhausted curse. Eren worried if the Jew would really be okay. He would have rather held Levi until the nightmares faded. Instead, he had to send him away for his own safety.

Eren packed up the leftover sandwiches that Jean and Armin did not eat, and the spare bottle of wine, placing them into the bucket he had gotten for Levi. After a couple of minutes, Levi came out of the bathroom, his face washed, looking slightly better. He climbed up the rope ladder to the attic hatch, and Eren lifted the full bucket.

“I’ll scratch on the hatch when it’s clear,” said Eren.

Levi glanced down at the bed, still rumpled from them sleeping together. From up here, a person could tell that the bed had held _two_ people. “No. Let me be alone for the rest of the day. I … I need some time,” he whispered. “Now that I have a bucket and plenty of food, I’d rather stay where it’s safe.”

Eren frowned, but he did not want to demand that Levi do anything he was not comfortable with. As much as it pained his heart to see Levi mentally suffering, he wanted to respect his need for space to grieve. “If that’s what you need.”

“And make your bed before that soldier arrives. It’s a mess.”

“Right,” Eren muttered. He began to turn away.

“Eren!”

He turned around, and there he saw it. A smile! Faint, but unmistakable.

Levi felt oddly bashful as he muttered, “Let’s do this again. Tomorrow.”

Eren felt his heart leap in joy. “Yes!”

Levi nodded, not sure what else to say and realizing he must look like an idiot. He pulled back and slid the attic door shut.

Rather than crawl over to the window, he stayed there. A few minutes later, he heard a knock on Eren’s door, then two voices as Eren invited Moblit in. the conversation was all in German, but just listening to Eren’s voice was a comfort. Levi slowly lowered his head to the ground, keeping his ear near the hatch, listening to that velvety voice as sleepy warmth soothed away the chilly dread.

* * *

It was late at night, and Levi had long ago shifted over to the window to eat his sandwich and have a little wine. The memory of those kisses and Eren sleeping on top of him were a warmth in the chilly night. All he had to do was close his eyes to hear those words again.

“ _I’ve fallen madly, hopelessly, completely in love with you._ ”

Love.

A part of him still did not want to believe this was true. If this was just some sex-crazed soldier with a crush on him, that was one thing, but _love_?

Then there was the issue of how fast their relationship was moving. A little over a week ago, he and Eren kissed for the first time. Now they were at the point of undressing each other, kissing, touching … he could hardly believe Eren had actually tried to touch his dick! Impetuous little boy!

And his nipple … that had been new.

Petra had never touched him there. For how much he had loved to play with her nipples, she had never touched his. She liked to caress his chest when he slept, noting how he had so little chest hair, but she always kept to the center, or kissed him over his heart. Maybe she worried that it was an inappropriate thing for a lady to do, to suckle a man like a baby nursing a teat.

Thinking back, when it came to making love, she normally just lay back on the bed and let Levi do the work. She enjoyed it—or at least, he sure hoped she did—but their lovemaking had been fairly basic. She was never wildly aggressive like some of the women he had seduced for jobs, but he liked that about her. She had never had a man before him, and it was painfully obvious that her parents had never explained to her what goes on in the bedroom. He had to teach her some very basic things about a man’s body. She was timid and bashful, even after years of marriage.

Levi admittedly was not experienced with _love_. He had never courted a woman before Petra. His uncle got him a prostitute for his fifteenth birthday to _break him in_ , but after that Levi went seven years without sex. (Well, he still had no memory of what happened in that London opium den, sex was probably involved, but did it count if none of the people involved remembered?) There were about a dozen women he seduced for jobs, but quick fucks in empty closets were more his style. Before Petra, Levi had never caressed a woman with anything remotely approaching love, nor had any covered him in kisses like Eren.

Not even Petra had ever worshiped his whole body like that. She really had just lain back and let Levi do whatever he wanted. Maybe she honestly did not know more, and Levi did not teach her what more a man liked. He did not even know he would like something like that, kisses to his chest, nipples, and stomach. It was definitely something new, strange, but not unwelcome.

He reached up to his chest now and touched his own nipple. Same as before, he pulled away, shocked by the sensitivity, which felt similar to his legs. Yet the memory of Eren touching there made his face warm up. He closed his eyes, pictured Eren, and touched his chest again. He tried to mimic how Eren had touched, including the soft pinch. His mouth opened in a silent moan of pleasure at that sensation.

A scratching on the hatch made his hand yank away. For two seconds, he felt like the time when he was fourteen and his uncle walked in on him wanking off. Then he sank with humiliation and guilt. Had he seriously been touching himself to thoughts of Eren?

There was a second scratch, and he glared at the hatch. Part of him knew it was dangerous to keep growing closer like this. Every time he went down into Eren’s room, he risked not only his own life, but the young lieutenant’s life as well. He should be focusing on how to get out of Metz, not snuggling and taking afternoon naps together.

Still, he felt a deep desire to see Eren again. He crawled slowly across the attic, avoiding spots he had marked with discarded boxes to warn of squeaky boards. It was a snaking path through the attic, but it meant being able to move around silently. He reached the hatch and lifted it, momentarily blinded by the brightness pouring up from the room. After blinking out the spots in his eyes, he saw an even brighter smile.

“Oh, good. I was afraid you fell asleep already.” Eren handed up a book.

Curiously, Levi took it and saw French on the cover. “ _Le Comte de Monte-Cristo_?”

“I asked Surma to get me a book in French. He said I would like this one. Have you read it?”

“No,” Levi muttered, opening the book and seeing the first lines. “I’ve heard of it, of course, but never read it.”

“Good. And…” He went over to the desk and came back with a boxy device. “ _Taschenlampe_ , so you can read at night.”

Levi accepted the green steel box with a light bulb and three dials that changed the color of the light for military signaling. “Will you get in trouble for losing that?”

“With any luck, you’ll be gone before I need it back. I will need it if I’m sent into combat again, and you’ll need a light for your trip, so I’ll try to find you a civilian one.”

His trip. Their separation.

He would leave Metz, leave France, leave all of Europe, and while the promise to meet again after the war was nice, this war had already been going on for five years. What if it went on another five? What if Metz truly was a _last stand_ for the Germans?

Eren had begun to turn away. “I’ll let you sleep now.”

“Wait!” The whisper was spiked with anxiety. He would lose Eren! All these little moments, as dangerous as they were, might be their last moments together. “I, um … I should clean out my bucket, so the attic doesn’t smell like piss all night. Maybe brush my teeth.”

Eren grinned in agreement. Levi pulled back to go fetch his bucket, which he had set on the far side of the attic so he did not have to smell it. He slowly crept back to the opening that shot a beam of light up into the dark attic space.

Eren was that beam of light in his dark existence.

Levi shook that sappy thought out of his head. That sounded like something Petra would say after reading one of her romance novels. She had loved romantic poetry by Victor Hugo and steamy books of intrigue like _Les Liaisons dangereuses_.

One poem Petra used to read to him, smiling with a deep blush on her face, came to his mind now.

_Aimons toujours ! Aimons encore !  
_ _Quand l’amour s’en va, l’espoir fuit.  
_ _L’amour, c’est le cri de l’aurore,  
_ _L’amour c’est l’hymne de la nuit._

Levi softly thought over that first stanza. _Love always! Love again! When love goes, hope flees. Love is the cry of the dawn. Love is the hymn of the night._

Eren loved him.

Levi feared falling in love.

Yet that poem Petra had loved so much sang to him. Love always. Love again.

Could he really love again? Would Petra want him to?

He grabbed his bucket, which he used only once to pee out the wine. He slipped down the rope ladder and walked right past Eren to the bathroom. Just looking at him made his face feel warm. He dumped the bucket into the toilet and used it himself. Then he cleaned his bucket out, washed up his hands and face, brushed his teeth, and gazed into the mirror.

How long had he gone without seeing his face? Growing up, he had only a silver platter his uncle probably stole and used to see his reflection to shave. Levi had no interest in how he looked, other than his uncle saying he looked like his mother. He got his first proper shaving mirror in the military, but he was lucky that his facial hair came in so slowly. He shaved once every few days, while some of the men had a shadow of stubble on their faces before supper.

Petra had a large mirror she used to fix her hair. She was normally not picky about looks, but when guests came to visit, she liked to look nice. Levi had thought she looked beautiful even without her hair done. She had opted for the shorter haircuts that were trendy with women in the 1930s, styling after film stars like Annabella, Renée Adorée, Mireille Balin, and Annie Ducaux.

After they fled that home, Levi had not bothered with mirrors. He normally only used them to shave, not really _looking_.

Gazing into the mirror now, he realized he was a lot thinner and older than when he and Petra lived together. He was in his thirties now, not quite out of the prime of his life, but edging toward the time when his body would head steadily downhill. He combed through his hair and managed to find a few grays had sneaked in. His eyes especially looked a lot older, tired, bitter, creases on the edges, with dark circles under them.

He wondered, what did Eren see in him? He claimed he was in love, but Levi did not see how he was remotely attractive. He had never been handsome. He was shorter than most women. His narrow eyes tended to scare people, making them think he was always angry. His cheeks had never truly taken to a beard, so he always appeared much younger, yet the permanent dark circles under his eyes made him look weary of life.

 _What does he see in me_ , he wondered to himself.

Levi shook his head, grabbed his bucket, and headed out. Eren was in bed smoking another cigarette.

“You’re going to burn the bed smoking like that,” Levi warned.

“Sorry,” Eren said, setting the cigarette onto an ashtray. “I tend to smoke more when I’m bored.”

“You need a better hobby,” he grumbled. “Your breath reeks after you’ve smoked. You should brush your teeth after every cigarette.”

Eren glanced down at the cigarette. Did they really make his breath bad? Was it less enjoyable for Levi to kiss him? He had been told for years, he should quit, it was bad for him, but if it was also something Levi hated…

“Do you want some food?” he blurted out. “I haven’t had supper yet. I can order something large and share it.”

“No, I already ate the sandwiches. I wanted to finish them tonight before any rats ended up eating my food.” He headed back to the attic, but he paused at the rope ladder. “Eren?” he whispered, his brow tense in thought. “What do you…? No, never mind,” he sighed.

“What is it?” Eren asked, sitting up in bed.

It was humiliating to ask, but Levi was curious. “What do you see in me?”

Eren looked confused. “See … in you?”

“You say you’re in love with me. What is it that makes you … _attracted_? What is it about me?”

Eren laughed at such a question. “What _isn’t_ to love?”

Levi grumbled, “I’m getting old, I’m short, I’m not manly or handsome…”

“You’re _very_ manly.”

Levi scoffed in disbelief. “I never understood what Petra saw in me either.”

Eren stood up, walked over to him, and picked up Levi’s hands. “Maybe we are both the sort of people who see beyond faces and flesh and see the soul within.”

Levi grumbled, “That is almost exactly what she once said.”

“So see! It must be true. She wouldn’t lie to you, right?”

Levi glared at him, again using a phrase he could not reject.

“Besides,” he whispered, tilting up Levi’s face. “You are very, _very_ handsome.”

Levi scoffed and pulled away with a flush to his cheeks. “No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you are.”

“ _Tais-toi!_ ” Shut up!

“You wanted my opinion, right?” he said, chuckling at Levi’s embarrassed face. “I hearby state, as the official opinion of homosexual men everywhere, that _you_ , Levi Ackerman, are one handsome, sexy man.”

Levi could not help but laugh, and Eren joined him, adoring that rare, honest, relaxed face, smiling and laughing together. How priceless hearing such a joyful laugh was!

As if catching himself, Levi slammed his smile down to a pout, but that only made Eren laugh even more. He was adorably determined to keep acting cantankerous.

“Really,” Eren said, caressing Levi’s cheek. “I don’t know who told you that you were not handsome, but they were wrong.”

He frowned and admitted, “It’s not so much that I was told I was _ugly_. I just was never called _handsome_. Mostly, people just teased me for being short.”

“I don’t mind! It makes kissing you more fun.”

Levi scoffed, but the blush on his cheeks darkened. He felt a hand take hold of his chin, and slowly he let it guide his face up slightly, right into the path of warm eyes lowered with adoration.

“I love everything about you.”

Levi again yanked his head away, knowing his cheeks were on fire. Not sure what he could possibly say to something that romantic, he turned and walked back to the rope ladder. He paused, turned back around, and simply gazed at Eren.

“Goodnight.”

Eren opened his mouth, wanting to call out to him, ask if he could kiss him goodnight, anything to delay him leaving. However, he pulled back. If Levi needed space, he would respect that.

Levi climbed up the ladder into the attic. Carefully, hating that it still squeaked, he shut the hatch. He put his bucket back in the far corner and picked up the book Eren had handed up. _The Count of Monte Cristo._ It really was thoughtful of Eren to make sure at least one of his books was in French so Levi had something to read. He also picked up the military light. He then carefully crawled around boxes, avoiding the squeaky boards, to his little space hidden behind towering crates, where the space between the cedar boxes and wall was just enough for a single bed.

He used one of the dust sheets that had been covering the table he now used, and with a little careful finagling, he got it to block the tiny space, like a cloth door. Then he went in, turned on the torch, and looked at the first paragraph of the book.

> _“Le 24 février 1815, la vigie de Notre-Dame de la Garde signala le trois-mâts le Pharaon, venant de Smyrne, Trieste et Naples.”_

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Eren is a fan of _kabe-don_ , while Levi is like: ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)╭∩╮

 _ **Kabe-don**_ – Japanese for “wall bang.” It’s a common trope in shoujo manga. An aggressive partner pushes the love interest against a wall while slamming a hand near their head, creating a “ _don_ ” (bang) kanji sound effect. This traps the love interest, and the aggressor uses the close proximity to get their point across. It is a dominating tactic, seen as powerful and erotic in Japanese culture. If you try it in reality, be prepared to get kicked in the nuts and reported for sexual harassment. Sadly, all the fan art I could find had Levi as the aggressor. (New fan art, anyone?)

OMG I asked for that and someone gave me ART wooooow!!! Thank you, [Nipoliputski](https://nicoliputski.tumblr.com/post/644085907688914944/dangerous-territory-chapter-37-rhov-shingeki)!

[ ](https://nicoliputski.tumblr.com/post/644085907688914944/dangerous-territory-chapter-37-rhov-shingeki)   
[ _fan art by Nipoliputski_ ](https://nicoliputski.tumblr.com/post/644085907688914944/dangerous-territory-chapter-37-rhov-shingeki)

Levi’s breakdown contains many signs of psychological trauma from PTSD and Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD). He displays intense emotional detachment, distances himself right away, he uses minimization to discount Eren’s feelings, he belittles Eren, escapes into emotional numbness, there’s some massive cognitive distortion going on.… Welcome to Day Two of me in therapy, haha … hah … ha…

 **Pyrrhic victory** – a victory that comes at a great cost. It inflicts such a devastating toll on the victor that it is tantamount to defeat. In this case, while Levi could _attack_ and be victorious over Eren, just how bad he is at keeping quiet would put them in danger, thus the victory is not worth the risk.

 _ **Le Comte de Monte-Cristo**_ – “The Count of Monte Cristo” was written by Alexandre Dumas in 1844. It is one of the most widely-known works of literature in Western civilization, about a man falsely imprisoned who uses a hidden treasure to exact revenge on the man who betrayed him to steal the woman he loves. It was first made into a silent film in 1908, a total of 23 movies were based on it, the latest being a Kevin Reynolds film in 2002. (Hey, it has Henry Cavill!)

 **Petra’s Reading List** – _Les Liaisons dangereuses_ (“Dangerous Liaisons”) by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos in 1782. You probably know it from the 1988 film starring John Malcovich, Glenn Close, Michelle Pfeiffer, Peter Capaldi, Keanu Reeves, and Uma Thurman.

[ ** _Aimons toujours ! Aimons encore_**](https://www.poetica.fr/poeme-5979/victor-hugo-aimons-toujours-aimons-encore/) – a poem by Victor Hugo. Although mostly known for his novels _Les Miserables_ and _The Hunchback of Notre-Dame_ , Hugo wrote many volumes of poetry. Some translators use “Love still” for the words _aimons encore_ , but maybe due to my background in music, when I hear “ _Encore!_ ” it means “ _Again!_ ” The translation “Love always! Love again!” holds a much different meaning to “Love still,” but in the case of Levi, I liked the idea of falling in love again. _  
_

**Annabella, Renée Adorée, Mireille Balin, and Annie Ducaux** – I studied Film History for a semester in college. These are some influential French actresses of the 1920s-1930s, the sort Petra may have admired and wished she looked like them.

_**Wehrmacht Taschenlampe**_ – Called a flashlight (American) or a torch (British), the _Taschenlampe_ , or “pocket light,” was a necessary part of a German soldier’s combat gear. The light often connected just above the right breast pocket via a leather strap. It was highly compact, smaller than a dollar bill, and meant to be carried around on the uniform, hands-free. Many had different colored lenses that could be changed by lifting 1-3 levers on the front for different effects: green, red, and yellow were the most common, so soldiers could signal easily.

By the way, since both Eren and Levi learned British English, I have referred to this as a torch before and will in the future. It sometimes confuses American readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Personal update!** My wrist is healing quite nicely, but I still have days where it freezes up or hurts. I was doing great last week, but after practicing my trombone for a social distance video performance, my wrist hurt so bad that I could not lift a coffee cup this morning. So I am going to keep to every-other-week updates for a little while longer. (I have two more songs to record. Wish me luck!)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Meine Liebe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25000369) by [kya_kuch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kya_kuch/pseuds/kya_kuch)




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